Beyond the Tide

by Noelle Marchand

  He pulled in a deep breath. “I honestly don’t know.”

  “Well…” She hesitated a moment before offering, “Since this all started with your dad’s rejection, perhaps healing from that will help you move forward in other areas too.”

  “How do I heal from it? It isn’t like I haven’t tried in the past. I’ve forgiven him more than once over the years. It still hurts.”

  “Maybe you need to talk to him about what happened. See what he has to say for himself. Figure out why he seems to want a relationship with you now. That would help, wouldn’t it?”

  He grimaced. “Well, the idea is slightly terrifying, but yes. It might help. Or, it could make things worse.”

  “If he wants you in his life, he’ll be willing to have some hard conversations.” She gave him a little wink and took his hand. “Like this one.”

  “True.” With a smile, he glanced down at their joined hands. Their relationship seemed headed back in the right direction for now. He should probably continue down the road of least resistance, but this was bigger than him. Maybe even bigger than them. “What about you? Why do you feel like you have to try so hard to get your parents’ approval?”

  She tensed. For a moment, he thought she would insist on keeping the conversation about him and his problems, but she finally admitted, “I don’t want to disappoint them. They expect so much. Excellence is supposed to be my normal. Anything less than that is unacceptable. So if I’m less than that, I’ll be unacceptable.”

  “Or acceptably human.”

  “To you. Not to them. At least, I don’t think so.” She shook her head as though clearing it. “I can’t do anything about them right now, but you can do something about your dad. Why don’t you call him?”

  “Now?”

  “It’s two hours earlier in Texas. Only eight o’clock.”

  How in the world had he ended up here with his cell phone in hand, considering having a heart-to-heart with his dad? It was something he’d tried to avoid for as long as he could remember. No doubt that meant it was long overdue. What was the alternative? Continue to live mired in the hurt and insecurities that had shaped his life so far?

  With a determined nod, he decided he wanted more than that for himself. “I’ll call him.”

  “Good.” Ava yawned.

  His father could wait another ten minutes. “Let me drive you home first.”

  “No.” She covered another yawn. “I want to know how it goes… Or, call him from my place. I’ll make myself scarce. That way I can be there for you, and you can tell me how it goes before you leave. Deal?”

  He smiled. “Deal.”

  Sitting in a chair on Ava’s deck a few minutes later, his confidence had fled. Yet, he was ready to finally get this over with. He said a short prayer, then called his dad. Nervousness filled his chest as the phone rang a few times. JP Sinclair’s deep voice sounded through the speaker. “Ian, this is a surprise. I thought you were still filming the pirate show.”

  Forcing himself to stay calm, he refused to let any anxiousness into his voice. “All of my parts have been filmed.”

  “Does that mean you didn’t win the money?”

  His jaw tightened slightly. For his dad, it was always about money. He shook his head to dislodge the image of refrigerator shelves nearly empty except for a case of beer. “I can’t confirm or deny anything at this point.”

  “Oh. Well, I hope you did well.”

  “Thank you.” Reminded of what had prompted all this, he frowned. “I just had a chance to turn on my phone and saw your text. You wanted to know about sending me a letter. Is everything ok?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine. I just thought… Well, I thought I’d send a letter. For fun, you know.”

  Ava had been right. His dad really was trying. He swallowed hard. “Thanks for the thought.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Silence stretched across the line. He wanted to hang up, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Hedging, he asked, “So you’ve been watching the show?”

  “Of course. I always watch your shows. Not everyone gets to see their son on television.”

  JP almost sounded proud. Ian rubbed his hand over his jaw and nodded. “Well, it was a good experience. I had fun.”

  “I’ll bet you did. You and that girl seemed to be hitting it off. What’s her name? Ava?”

  “Yep.” His voice came out a little harsh, but it was the best he could do. He’d made it a rule not to talk about women with his father.

  “No need to get defensive. I think it’s great. I never did believe you and Emily were right for each other. There was no spark between you two. It’s plain as day on Treasure Hunters. A man’s got to have a spark or what’s the point? Now, you and Ava… The way you are with her is totally different.”

  Ian’s eyebrows lifted. Wow. His dad really had been keeping track of him through reality TV. Likely because it was the only avenue Ian had allowed into his life. A niggle of guilt hit his stomach. Unsure of how to respond, he simply acknowledged, “Yeah, it is different with her.”

  “Ava is someone special, isn’t she?”

  He couldn’t help smiling. Glancing back at the sliding glass door, he saw her snuggling into the far corner of the sofa. “She is.”

  “Good.”

  He pulled in a deep breath. “Dad, how did you know Mom was the one for you?”

  “I couldn’t imagine my life without her.” A moment of sad silence stretched between them before his father continued. “She was everything to me. Without her, I had nothing.”

  Ian had heard those words a thousand times. They never hurt any less, never failed to make him want to scream out three little words. For the first time, he had the courage to say them. “You had me.”

  Silence filled the line. Finally, his dad admitted, “Ian… By the time I realized that, it was too late. I’d already lost you.”

  His father seemed to wait for a response, but Ian had none. “I’m not the man I used to be. I’ve changed. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in seven years. I’ve found the Lord or the Lord found me. I know I wasn’t a good father. Ever. But you are still my son. I’d like to be something to you if you’ll let me. I was going to put that in the letter. Give you time to consider it. Will you? Consider it?”

  Ian paused, trying to find the right words. “I’m glad you found the Lord, Dad. I’m glad you’re doing better when it comes to alcohol. It’s… going to take time for me to… It’s going to take time.”

  “I understand.”

  “Listen, I should go. It’s pretty late where I am. You have a good night, ok?”

  His dad hesitated as if he wanted to say more, but concluded, “Yeah, you too.”

  Ian ended the call. Setting the phone aside, Ian braced his elbows on his knees and slid his fingers into his hair. He sat there for a moment, not letting himself think, but feeling something akin to relief. The door slid open behind him. “Are you ok?”

  “I’m good.” Standing, he took the hand she offered him and let her lead him to the sofa.

  She curled back into the spot she’d abandoned earlier. “Was it an emergency?”

  “No.” He leaned back into the other corner. “He just wanted to talk.”

  She listened as he filled her in on the rest of the conversation, then gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m glad your conversation was constructive. Whatever happens, you can take it at your own pace.”

  “Yeah.” He stared unseeingly through the sliding glass doors toward the darkened seascape as he gathered his thoughts. “Honestly, it’s kind of—”

  He stopped, realizing Ava’s eyes were closed. Her breathing was slow and steady. He smiled, realizing she was fast asleep. No wonder. It had been a long day. He was tired too.

  The boat trip to St. Croix, walking the extensive grounds of the Whim Estate, and boating back would have been a lot for one day. On top of that, they’d added snorkeling, dinner, not dancing,
and a serious disagreement. Emotionally, he was wiped, having dealt with not only his issues with Emily and the Holdens but also his dad.

  Would that be enough to keep Ava by his side? He hoped so. Closing his eyes, he prayed that it would be.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ian wasn’t just falling in love with her. He was in love her. He’d said so. Last night.

  She’d been too busy arguing for it to fully sink in then. And now? Clutching a sofa pillow to her chest, she watched as dawn stole through the room, revealing her sleeping boyfriend about two-and-a-half feet away. She must have fallen asleep during their conversation last night. Apparently, he’d followed suit.

  Still in his going-out clothes all the way down to his dress shoes, he sat on the other end of the sofa with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs stretched out beside the coffee table. He looked so peaceful and vulnerable. Meanwhile, panic rose like a tide within her, spreading through her veins, muddling her thoughts.

  She closed her eyes against it and tried to think logically. There was no reason for Ian’s declaration to make her feel this way. It was a good thing, something she’d wanted and longed for. He’d been unwilling to consider breaking up or putting even a little distance between them. He wanted their relationship to work.

  Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure that she did. Falling in love with Ian was an easy thing to do here in the Virgin Islands and even on a reality show, but in the real world… In the real world, it was downright dangerous.

  He knew the real her. This her.

  He’d expect her to continue being this person when, if she was honest, she knew she’d go back to hiding behind the safe little persona she’d had before she’d met him. Otherwise, she’d be in for a battle she wasn’t ready to fight with her parents. One it wouldn’t be fair to drag him into because, truly, what chance did she have at winning?

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out her parents wouldn’t approve of this relationship. Ian brought no political capital to the table. His fame as a reality TV star would hardly be counted in his favor despite her father’s fondness for Treasure Hunters.

  They’d only approved of her being on Pirates Plunder because it had been presented as an educational endeavor. Romance had only entered the conversation when she’d promised them it wouldn’t be a factor. Any hope of keeping that promise had disintegrated when Ian had claimed her as his girlfriend without her knowledge or permission—another mark against him in her parents’ minds.

  She’d have to tell them about it, too. Have to explain it all. Perhaps she could clean it up a little. Make them see he’d been trying to protect her. Let them think the relationship hadn’t progressed any further than it had on the screen. They didn’t have to know about her trip to St. John.

  Ian stirred in his sleep. Realizing her breath was rushing through her lungs in short spurts, she forced herself to affect a more relaxed tempo. He stilled. She imagined him glancing around in surprise, running his fingers through his sleep-mussed hair.

  He let out a sigh. The sofa moved slightly as he stood. She watched through her lashes while he wrote something on a piece of paper. He left the note on the coffee table before grabbing his keys and his phone. A moment later, the front door closed behind him.

  She waited until she heard the Jeep start up, before she bolted upright. A quick glance at the note told her he’d be back in an hour for the hike they’d originally planned to do on their lazy day. After hurriedly changed clothes and brushing her teeth, she grabbed all her toiletries and dumped them in her bag. It didn’t take her long to pack her suitcase.

  She wheeled it over to the front door, then hooked up her phone to the charger and searched for a local taxi service. They picked up on the first ring. “Island Time Taxis, how may I help you?”

  “Hi. I’d like a taxi pickup as soon as possible, please.”

  “Certainly, ma’am. What is your address?”

  “My address? My address is…” Oh, why couldn’t she remember? She spotted a stack of mail on the table next to the door. Grabbing an envelope, she read the address to the operator. “How long will it take for the taxi to arrive?”

  “There’s one in the area so about five minutes.”

  “Thank you.”

  She ended the call, then paused. Silence filled the villa. Her breathing slowed. Feeling a rush of dizziness, she sank onto the nearby loveseat. What in the world was she doing?

  Where was she planning to go? To the airport? Then where? Austin wasn’t an option. Neither was anywhere else in the continental United States per her agreement with Living History. What other options did she have? Paris? Italy?

  Without Ian? Without even saying goodbye? Shaking her head, she redialed and waited for the operator to pick up again.

  “Island Time Taxis. How may I help you?”

  “I’d like to cancel the cab I just ordered. Do you need the address?”

  “No, ma’am. I have your phone number here. Are you certain you’d like to cancel?”

  “I’m positive.”

  “All right. I’ve canceled it. Call any time you need us. Have a wonderful day.”

  “Thank you. You too.” She pulled in a deep breath as the last of the dizziness cleared. She’d almost made a horrible mistake.

  She rubbed her fingers over her temples, then slid her hands into her hair. “What was I thinking?”

  That’s the problem. She hadn’t been thinking. She’d been panicking. Over what? Her relationship with Ian? There was no need to panic about that. If she needed to break up with him, then she’d break up with him. Calmly.

  Running away would only make things messy and hurtful when they didn’t need to be. She would stay. Pulling in a deep breath, she relaxed slightly. Ian would be back in thirty minutes to take her on a hike. She could use the time to decide what to say to him. No panic involved.

  It was a little easier said than done when it came to calming her thoughts and her body, but a long shower helped immensely. After dressing in colorful workout leggings, a gray Henley, and sneakers; she took her time applying her makeup while listening to soft, relaxing classical music. She was just grabbing a granola bar and a bottle of water from the kitchen when Ian arrived.

  She did her best to make conversation on the way to the trailhead while internally bracing herself and gathering her courage for the inevitable moment the real conversation would begin. The sooner she got it over with, the better for both of them. She could feel the time drawing near as they stopped at the base of a waterfall. The low murmur of rushing water would be the perfect backdrop to soothe them once it was said and done. Perhaps they could part as friends or…

  Ian’s hands gently caught her arms and eased her backward until her back rested against his chest. “Everything ok today? You seem quieter than normal.”

  She closed her eyes to brace herself. This was it. Stepping out of his hold, she caught his hand and led him to a dark gray boulder far enough from the waterfall that they could hear each other. “Let’s talk for a minute.”

  He sat across from her, brow furrowing as he watched her intently. “What’s up?”

  “I think… It’s time for us to—to think about our future realistically.”

  “Ok.”

  “In doing so, it becomes apparent that this… We… aren’t going to work. In the real world, I mean. Distance-wise. With everything my parents have planned, I’m likely to be quite busy. A relationship at this point… For both of us… With life so up in the air… seems ill-advised. I can’t in good conscience—” She pulled in bracing breath and glared at him for sitting there looking so ridiculously unperturbed. “Well?”

  “‘Well’ what?”

  “I’m breaking up with you. Aren’t you going to say something? Or get upset? Or say something?”

  He thought about it for a minute, then shrugged. “Nah. I’m good.”

  “You’re good?” She slid off the boulder and placed her hands on
her hips. “How can you possibly be good? I’m breaking up with you.”

  His gaze raked over her, lingering upon her mouth until he deigned to meet her gaze again. “Honestly? I’m thinking about all the kisses I’m going to get when we make up and get back together.”

  Her mouth fell open. “You are being presumptuous.”

  “I’m being realistic. And you are panicking.”

  “I am not panicking.” It was supposed to be a definitive statement, but her tone betrayed her, allowing Ian to correctly fill in the blank.

  “Ah, but you were panicking before, weren’t you?” He surveyed her carefully. “When? This morning? It had to be. You were fine when you fell asleep last night. Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I was… leaving here. Leaving you.”

  Surprise lit his eyes. “Were you? Well, you didn’t get very far.”

  “Oh.” The sound was one of disbelief and frustration. “I don’t understand how you can possibly be so smug about this. I stayed because I stopped panicking long enough to realize I could handle this in a mature way. I owed that to you and us.”

  He frowned. “You don’t owe me anything. And, for the record, I’m not being smug. I am very concerned about the fact that you had a panic attack. Even more concerned that you didn’t reach out to me when it happened. I could have helped you. I did last time.”

  “You don’t need to help me anymore. We’re breaking up.” Resolved to be more coherent this time, she crossed her arms around her waist. “It won’t work. We live in two different cities that are three hours apart.”

  “It’s only an hour by plane. If you don’t like to travel, I’ll make the trip as often as I can.”

  “My parents…” An apology filled her voice. “I don’t think they’ll approve of all this.”

  “To be honest, I didn’t expect they would. I mean, it’s great if they do, but so what if they don’t? Will it make your feelings any less real?”

  “No.” Wait. She wasn’t supposed to admit that. “What I mean is— You can’t just throw out all of my reasons like they’re nothing.”