by J. M. Walker
Once we left my place, I sat in the passenger seat with Lucas’s hand on my inner thigh. I couldn’t help but think back to our earlier conversation. He hadn’t continued and told me more, but I had so many questions. Was he ever in love with Mel? She was his first technically. Did she mean something to him?
“You’re upset,” Lucas said awhile later.
“No, I’m not.” But I still stared out the window.
“You are. You haven’t said anything since we sat in the car. You have questions. So ask me.”
“It makes me feel like a jealous nag if I ask,” I mumbled.
“I don’t give a shit. Ask me anyway.”
I sighed, turned toward him, and leaned against the door, keeping his hand in mine. I needed to feel his skin, to feel his touch and the wrath of his power. I needed him. Always him. “Do you think of her often?”
“Not often but enough.” His jaw ticked. “I think about what she could be doing. I hope she was able to get past everything. And I also wonder if she was able to move on. We went through a lot together.”
I nodded. “Did you love her?”
Lucas’s gaze flicked to mine before looking back out at the road ahead of us. “No. It was different with her. We were used the most. She had the perfect body according to them and they got off on that shit. The other kids kept to themselves, but Mel and I had bonded. She was also the first they put me with.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
His gaze flicked to mine. “They made me rape her, Lily.”
Bile rose to my throat. “Please tell me they got theirs.”
Lucas nodded. “That’s how most of us were able to escape. Shephard was actually a rookie at the time. He went to the wrong address after getting a call but he heard screaming. So he followed his gut and investigated. Backup was called and eventually, the FBI showed up. The place had been overrun with Feds. Kids scattered. They probably thought the authorities were going to hurt them just the same. I know that’s what I thought. It took a long time for me to trust Shephard.”
“He’s a good man,” I whispered.
“He is.” Lucas brought our joined hands up to his mouth. “Whatever you’re thinking, whatever you’re worried about, I am yours, Lily. And only yours. I’ve never given myself to anyone like I’ve given myself to you. You cracked through my cold heart with a mere look. You brought me to my knees with a laugh. And you made this grumpy fucker smile more in the few short months I’ve known you than in my whole damn life.”
My eyes welled, my throat working over the lump suddenly lodged in it. “God, you say the sweetest things sometimes.”
“I mean every word.” He brushed a hand down my cheek. “I love you, Lily. I’ve never felt this before. This need for someone else. We may have only known each other for a short time but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”
“I feel like that too.” I wiped a tear that had escaped and rolled down my cheek.
“Crying for me, baby?”
I laughed, punching him lightly in the arm. “Drive faster, Lucas.”
He grinned, giving me a wink.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I held onto his hand and kissed the scars gracing his knuckles. “Will you tell me what happened to your eye?”
“Uh…” He chuckled, rubbing the scruff on his strong jaw. “I was always big for my age. One kid tried jumping me, I attacked him, but I didn’t see the knife. He also thought I was eyeing his girl.” He shook his head. “It was a fucked-up situation that I’ll never understand. Anyway, he ended up stabbing me in the face. He almost got both eyes, but I was able to fight him off before that happened.”
“Wow.” I blew out a slow breath. “And here I thought I had a fucked-up childhood.” I shook my head.
“I don’t want to compare our shit, Lily. We handle things differently, but I like to think my past made me stronger.” He shrugged. “That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.”
Was it possible? What if he saw Mel again? What if Killian tried hitting on me again? I wasn’t sure if I was jealous of Mel. Oh, who the hell was I kidding, of course I was jealous of her. She helped Lucas through a terrible time in his life. Because of her, he was able to get through it.
“Did you ever see Mel again?” I asked Lucas.
“No.” He pulled his beast of a car into the parking lot of the hotel we were staying at that night, the conversation now done and over with. But because I liked to ask questions, I now couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Mel ever showed up again. And if I could ever compete with her.
Lucas
WHEN I PULLED INTO the parking lot of the hotel that was a few hours outside of the city we lived in, I helped Lily get the bags out of the trunk. We walked into the building that had been in a rural part of the small town and I checked us in.
“I put us on the top floor,” I told Lily as we walked down the hall to the elevator. The building had twelve floors, but I knew with the view overlooking the vintage town, it would make Lily happy to wake up to the next morning.
“I can’t wait to see the sunrise tomorrow morning,” she said, smiling up at me.
“I can’t wait to put that smile back on your face.” I pinched her chin, placing a soft peck on her mouth.
The elevator opened and a woman dressed in a housekeeping uniform rushed past us.
“Excuse me,” she muttered, disappearing down the hall we had just come from.
The scent of roses wafted into my nose.
“Rose oil. It gets this dick nice and hard, doesn’t it, Lucas?”
My stomach twisted. I shook my head, ridding it of the memory. That was the moment in my life when I was taught that scents could be an aphrodisiac. But there was no way it was her. It was just a coincidence and not one I wanted to experience again any time soon. I had to remind myself that it was nothing like the previous times I smelled it and it was nothing this time around.
“Lucas?” Lily tilted her head. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I gave her a small smile, but something still struck me as odd about the housekeeper. I pushed it to the back of my mind and followed Lily into the elevator.
“Are you sure?” Lily asked, placing her hand gently on my arm.
I nodded, grabbed her hand, and kissed her fingertips.
She smiled but it never reached her eyes. Something had changed between us since we woke up in bed together that morning. Revelations had been brought to light and I wasn’t sure anymore how to make things right. The questions she asked, I answered completely and honestly but all of these feelings I never thought I had, slid to the forefront of my mind just the same. I never loved Mel. I cared for her enough to not hurt her when the sex between us had been consensual but other than that, I felt nothing.
Once we hit the top floor and headed to our room, I swiped the keycard through the lock and pushed open the door. Letting Lily enter first, I glanced down the hall. A woman now stood at the end of it, but I couldn’t make out her features. Everything inside of me said that I knew her. Or that I had once known her. There was no way it was her but that little voice told me it was Mel. It wasn’t possible. My nose tingled as the memories of roses rushed through me. It couldn’t be.
“Lucas?”
I turned at the sound of Lily’s voice. Glancing back down the hall, I saw the woman was gone. I met Lily’s gaze.
She stood inside the room, staring at me. Her eyes moved over my face. Something flashed behind them. Pain. Fear. Confusion. She knew. Fuck me, she knew. How she knew was beyond me, but she knew that there was something. Someone. I was being pulled and I had no idea what direction I would end up in.
***
(Lily)
I was jealous of Lena but Mel? I wasn’t sure how I felt. Lena and Lucas hadn’t slept together but he did sleep with Mel. Or fucked her. Who knows if they even slept? I was obsessing over it and I knew I shouldn’t have been. But he seemed off. Ever since he told me about her and now that we were at the hotel
, he hardly touched me. He was falling into himself and I didn’t know how to get him back.
I wanted to make him forget her but then another part of me was thankful that she had been able to help him through the darkest time of his life. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.
After putting our bags in the hotel room, we left the building and walked down the street toward the beach. I could smell the salt in the air. I should have been happy. I had been wanting to come to the beach ever since I was a little girl but now all I could think about was Lucas between some other woman’s legs. I knew he had been with many women besides me but there was something about this one that bothered me. If he ever saw her again, would she be a problem? Would she try to get him back? I trusted him. I trusted him completely but a past like he had was different. She helped him. And if she showed up again, all of these old feelings could come back and maybe then he would realize that he was meant to be with her and not me.
“Lily.” Lucas ran his fingers down my arm before linking our hands. “Stop thinking about her.”
“I can’t help it when my boyfriend is thinking about her too.” I sighed, pulling my hand from his and crossing my arms under my chest. I knew we had issues before this. We had problems talking. We were working on it and he had revealed so much to me this morning, but it was almost like he revealed too much. I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
“Lily.” Lucas grabbed my upper arm, stopping me and spinning me around. “Stop this. Please.”
“I’m not doing anything,” I muttered, pulling from his grip and continuing to walk down the sidewalk.
“Lily.” Lucas pushed me into an alley until we were out of the public eye. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I cried. “Alright? I have no idea. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t know if I’m jealous. I don’t know if I’m envious. I have no fucking idea and it’s frustrating because I’ve never felt this before.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything, but I wanted to be honest with you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I want you to know everything about me.”
“I want that too.” I leaned my forehead against his chest and took a deep breath. He smelled of spice and coffee and it was absolutely delicious. I let out a soft purr.
“Let’s go. The sooner we get the beach part done, the sooner we can head back to the hotel and spend an hour or two in bed before dinner.”
“I like that idea.” I had to push thoughts of Mel to the back of my mind. If I wanted to make this work with Lucas, I would have to get over myself and put on my big girl panties. It wasn’t like he knew where she was or anything.
We left the alley hand in hand and made our way to the large beach. It was a cloudier day so the beach wasn’t overly packed but there were still quite a few people on it.
Every so often, I caught girls giggling and talking amongst themselves. They would point at us and whisper.
I looked up at Lucas, my body heating. “You can’t see it. Can you?”
“See what?” he asked, frowning.
“The girls checking you out. The ladies who are going to be thinking of you when their boyfriends or husbands fuck them tonight.” I laughed, tightening my hold on his hand. “You’re their fantasy, Lucas.”
He grunted. “Yeah. Right.”
“Look around us, Lucas.” I swiped an arm out in front of me. Men scowled. Women batted their eyelashes. Young girls even shied away but wished Lucas was paying attention to them. Even some of the men stared at him in awe. He was a scary fucker but utterly breathtaking just the same.
“They’re probably wondering how this ugly beast got a beauty like you,” Lucas grumbled.
I stopped, tugging on his hand and tapping my mouth.
He leaned over, placing a soft peck on my lips.
I cupped his nape, deepened the kiss, and gave the people around us a show. Slipping my tongue between his lips, I sucked the groan from him down deep into my lungs.
“Fuck, Lily.” He broke the kiss, brushing his thumb over my swollen mouth. “You’re going to pay for that.”
I laughed, stood on tiptoes, and kissed his cheek. “I look forward to it.”
He shook his head, leading me down the sidewalk.
The onlookers shifted, casting their gazes elsewhere as we walked by them.
Eat your hearts out, girls.
And I would cut any bitch who tried to take him from me. I didn’t care who they were or what kind of past they had. Lucas Crane was mine.
Lucas
I WASN’T THE TYPE to pay attention to my looks. I worked out because it helped me with my addiction issues. I didn’t work out to look good for anyone but myself. I had scars that made my smiles look more like scowls. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder and all that shit anyway. But Lily made me feel…special. Like I was the only one she saw. Like I was her whole world. And when she kissed me in public, it stirred something feral inside of me. I wasn’t sure if she noticed but guys looked at her too. How could they not?
While I laid on my side of the blanket she had spread out for us on the sand, she took off her shorts but left the tank top on. She hid her scars from the world.
“Take off the top,” I said gently.
“I’m good.” She laid back on the blanket, resting her head on my lap. “This is perfect.”
“It is.” I wished she would have taken off the tank top, but I got it. A part of me was elated that she let only me see them.
“I can feel you staring, Lucas,” she said, bending her knees and crossing one over the other, kicking her foot back and forth.
“You’re beautiful. I can’t help but stare.” I leaned my head on my hand.
“Well you’re beautiful too. I can see the ladies looking at you.”
I laughed. “They’re hiding me from their children.”
“Please.” Lily snorted. “They’re going to go home tonight, fuck their husbands and think of you while doing so.”
It was my turn to scoff. “You’ve said that twice already, but I still don’t believe it.”
Lily sat up, looking down at me. “Either you’re blind in both eyes or you’re really modest.”
I gave the side of her breast a pinch. “Careful.”
She jumped, slapping my hand away. “I mean it, Lucas. Have you seen yourself?” She laid on her stomach, kicking her feet back and forth behind her. “You’re sexy as hell.”
“Hmm…yeah?” I placed a soft peck on her nose. “Tell me more.”
She giggled, a flush of red spreading through her cheeks. “Needing an ego boost, baby?”
I chuckled. Now this I liked and could get used to. “Tell me. What do you see when you look at me? And what do you think others see?”
“Hmm…” She tapped her chin. “I see a beautiful, broken man who tries so damn hard not to wear his heart on his sleeve. I also see a man who loves with every inch of him and cares deeply. I think others see a bad boy. A fantasy.”
“Is that what you saw when you first met me, Lily Pad?” The heat between us ignited into a raging inferno. We teased and flirted. Touched and kissed. We were in public, so we couldn’t do anything more, but I wanted her riled up. I wanted Lily to fucking explode for me.
“I saw a man who saw me for me. It was like I could feel you reaching into my soul and tickling every fantasy I’ve ever had.”
“Yeah?” My voice came out low and husky. “What else?”
“I…” Her gaze moved past me. She frowned.
I turned, following the direction of where she was looking. “What’s wrong?” I asked her, not seeing anything out of the ordinary.
“I don’t know. I saw someone watching us.”
I sat up, looking around us. My stomach twisted, that familiar feeling from the hotel, hitting me. She was around. She had to be. Or it was someone else from my past. Either way, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see them. No matter who it was.
***
(Lily)
Someone had ruined our momen
t. I didn’t know who it was, but I could feel them watching us. I knew we had issues. Maybe I had jealousy problems but laying on the blanket with Lucas and flirting with him, was fun and refreshing. And now our moods had gone back to the way they were before.
“I think I have sand in places I didn’t know sand could reach,” I mumbled, shaking out my bathing suit and running it under the water.
Lucas chuckled from behind me. “That’s what you get for throwing sand at me.”
I feigned a gasp. “I would never do such a thing. It’s not my fault that you wouldn’t keep your hands off me.”
“So you throw sand at me instead?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I shrugged. “I had to think fast.” I hung my bikini over the edge of the tub. When I stood, I was met with Lucas’s dark stare. “What?” I asked, a shiver running down the length of my body.
“You’re—” A hard knock sounded at the front door. “Stay here. I’ll get it.”
“Okay, but first.” I tapped my mouth.
He grinned, giving me a quick kiss and leaving the shower.
I finished cleaning off the sand. After I was done, I turned off the hot water and wrapped a towel around my head and body when I heard voices from the other side of the closed door. One was Lucas, and the other was a woman. Unless it was a man with a high-pitched voice. My stomach twisted. No, don’t be jealous, Lily. You trust Lucas. He wouldn’t do anything to make you think differently.
I slipped into a red dress, smoothed it down my torso and did a little spin back and forth. It was tight, hugging all of my curves, and pushed my ample breasts up even more. It gave me cleavage that would have Lucas begging at my feet and it showcased my ass that I knew he loved. I had every intention of wearing panties, but something told me not to. I was feeling off. With him. With myself. With everything in general. Maybe being completely naked under this sinfully delicious dress, would help. I wasn’t sure, but I was willing to try anything.