Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  I laughed at the onslaught of questions.

  Toby grinned, shaking his head. “Don’t mind her. She’s missed you guys.”

  “Yes,” I said as Lucas came up behind me. “We’re good.”

  He clapped Toby on the back, pulling him into a one-armed hug. “We are very good.”

  “I’m glad.” Toby returned his embrace, smiling down at me. “You two deserve it.”

  “We do.” Lucas leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Don’t we?”

  I cupped his face and kissed him softly on the mouth. “Yes.” I was glad that he finally realized it. He deserved all the happiness life had to give him. He deserved it and more.

  Lucas

  LILY WAS DUE WITH our first child anytime now. It had been a few hard months for her with morning sickness and all, but she never complained. At all. Even when she should have.

  After the brutal abuse I had endured as a kid, I didn’t think I could have kids. Not that I ever got checked out for it. I had just assumed.

  While Lily slept soundlessly on her side, I pulled the covers off of her and lifted her tank top to just below her breasts. Cupping her stomach, I waited for that familiar kick. When it happened, I smiled.

  “Daddy’s here,” I whispered, leaning down and placing a soft peck on her stomach. A flutter erupted beneath my hand again. My smile grew. “Daddy is always here,” I added. “I will give you and your mommy the best life you could ever have. You won’t have to want for anything.” Leaning over Lily, I grabbed the tub of coconut cream off the nightstand. Twisting off the cap, I dipped two fingers into the sweet-smelling lotion and began rubbing it into her skin. “I hope you have a big heart like your mommy and a fierceness like her too. I can’t wait to tell you all the stories of how we met.” The clean version anyway. “I will love you. I will cherish you. I will make it my mission to keep a smile on your face.”

  Lily stirred. “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice thick with sleep.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” I still had nightmares, but they weren’t as bad as before. I had been seeing Matteo on a weekly basis for the past few years. It helped. It helped more than I could ever understand. “So, I’m talking to our daughter.”

  “Okay,” Lily whispered, a soft smile splaying on her face. “I think she likes it in there.”

  I chuckled, laying on my stomach and resting my head just beneath Lily’s breasts. “It’s nice and warm. She’s safe.”

  “She’ll be safe out here too,” Lily murmured, running her fingers through my hair. “I promise.”

  I knew we would have issues. Especially if she looked anything like her mother. But I would worry about that when the time came. Right now, I would take this. I would hold it and cherish it. These girls were mine. All fucking mine. And I would never take them for granted. Lily and I had come too far for that.

  ***

  (Lily)

  “Are you done?”

  I smiled up at my husband. “I am,” I said as I wrote, The End. It was the next morning after Lucas had woken me up by the sweet words he was saying to our daughter.

  “And you’re really not going to publish this?” Lucas asked, sitting down beside me on the bed.

  “No. It’s ours. I feel like it’s almost too personal to be published.” I shrugged. We had talked about changing the names in our story so that I could publish it, but I decided against it. I had never been a writer but after everything that had happened to us, I had this itch. And it wouldn’t go away until I scratched it by writing this book.

  “I just can’t believe it’s done,” I said, closing the laptop. “I mean, it’s been quite a few years since I started it.”

  “It opened old wounds, baby.” Lucas kissed my cheek and placed my laptop on the nightstand. “It makes sense why it took so long to write it.”

  “True.” I tapped my mouth.

  He grinned, placing a hard smack on my lips. “Thank you,” he said against my mouth.

  “For what?” I pulled back. “I haven’t done anything.”

  “You have.” He cupped my cheek. “You didn’t give up on me. You did things that most women would have run away screaming from. I just want you to know that I appreciate you not giving up on us.”

  “I love you, Lucas. Remember that.” We thankfully hadn’t heard from Mel or Killian after they were sentenced to the maximum penalty for their crimes. Shephard, already close with Lucas, became a close friend to me as well. After getting shot, he retired from the police force and focused on his family. He wanted to watch his kids grow up and spend more time with his wife. “Besides, it’s not that big of a deal.”

  Our problems were no more and were just the typical ones a married couple had. And we were due to have our daughter any day now. Twenty-four more hours and she would be overdue. She was already stubborn like her father.

  Lucas pulled me from the bed and grabbed the hem of my shirt. “It is a big deal. You could have left me, and you didn’t.”

  “I left you for a few hours,” I corrected, lifting my arms up. “But you could have left me too.”

  “Never.” He pulled my shirt up and over my head before lowering to his knees. “You had every right to walk away.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I ran my fingers through his hair. I liked that he had grown it in some but still kept the sides shaved. “Those were the longest hours of my life. Being away from you. Not touching you.”

  “Not kissing you,” he added, placing a soft peck on my stomach. He pulled my shorts and panties down my legs, leaving me completely naked for him. “Not talking to you.”

  “You never told me what you did for those hours that I was gone.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “I know you lost it and punched the wall a few times. But did you do anything else?”

  “No.”

  “You didn’t?”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t. Not me personally anyway. Toby and Shephard ended up cleaning up my place while I was with you. They’re too good to me.”

  “You deserve it,” I told him. “You deserve all of it and more.”

  “I lost it, Lily,” Lucas continued. “I was ready to give up. To stop fighting. And I took my rage out on my apartment.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, holding out my hand. My wedding set sparkled in the dim lighting of the room. “This is permanent, Lucas.”

  “It is.” He covered my hand, bringing it up to his mouth. “It’s forever, baby.”

  My heart jumped.

  “I think I scared Toby and Shephard during those twenty-four hours too.” He chuckled as the memories rushed back.

  “I’m glad they were determined to help you. To help us.”

  “Me too.” He kissed the spot above my belly button. “I was determined to win you back. I fucked up. I know that. Even though I didn’t start it, I didn’t stop it as fast as I should have. Doesn’t matter if I was stuck in my head and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.” He rolled his eyes at that. Matteo had been trying to get him to stop making fun of himself over it and to take it seriously, but Lucas always said that it still wasn’t an excuse.

  “I’m lucky to have you,” he continued. “I’m so damn lucky and I promise to never take you for granted again.”

  “I love you, Lucas.” A flutter erupted through my belly. I laughed, grabbing his hand and placing it on my swollen stomach. “She loves you too.”

  Lucas grinned, his eyes shining. He started wearing his eye patch less and less when we were at home. He placed a kiss on my stomach. “I can’t…I still can’t believe I got you pregnant. I thought for sure it was impossible.”

  “Nothing’s impossible, baby,” I whispered. “Not when it comes to us.”

  “That’s so fucking true.” He kissed my shoulder. “I also never thought that you could look even more beautiful but seeing you swollen with my daughter is a beauty all on its own.”

  I laughed, laying back on the bed. “You like that, Daddy?”

  “Do not call me that,” h
e growled.

  I laughed harder. “You only hate when I call you that because it turns you on.”

  “Yeah, because our daughter is going to call me it and it’ll be weird.” He lightly tapped my hip. “So stop.”

  I saluted him. “Yes.” I winked. “Daddy.”

  “Lily,” he said, his voice filled with warning.

  “No more.” I tapped my mouth. “Promise.”

  “Good girl.” He placed a hard kiss on my lips. He moved up the length of the bed, pulling me into his arms, and grabbing the remote off the nightstand. Turning on the TV, we ended up watching an old black and white zombie film.

  I snuggled into Lucas’s side, thinking over what the past several years had been like for us.

  Pain. Love. Passion. Intense ecstasy. Heartache. So much heartache. My grandmother would be proud of how far we had come.

  I placed a hand on my stomach, feeling our daughter move beneath my touch. Ettie. Our sweet Ettie. She would be named Ethel after my grandma but Ettie for short, knowing my grandmother wouldn’t want her having such an old name.

  “I love you, Lily.” Lucas covered my hand that was on my belly. “And I love our daughter. More than either of you could ever know or understand.”

  My heart swelled with even more love for this man beside me. While we had problems, difficulties, whatever you wanted to call them, our love was strong. In the end, it conquered everything we had been through.

  Both of us were scarred and broken in our own way, but our love was the bind that put our pieces back together again.

  Because of that, we could move on, we could grow, and we could become a little less shattered.

  A little less scarred.

  And a little less broken.

  THE END

  Lucas

  I STARED DOWN AT the tiny little bundle. While Lily fed our daughter, I couldn’t help but watch. She was perfect. Both of them were perfect. Ettie was almost two months old. Two months. I couldn’t believe I had a hand in creating something so damn…perfect.

  “You’re staring,” Lily said, smiling up at me.

  “I can’t help it.” I brushed a hand over Ettie’s tiny little head while she nursed. “She’s perfect. You are perfect.”

  Lily’s eyes shone. “I’m not but thank you. I still can’t believe we created her.” She looked back down at Ettie. “It’s funny because I never really wanted kids. Or I never thought about it anyway and then now…God, I wouldn’t change this for the world. For anything.”

  A knock sounded at the door interrupting our little happy moment.

  A glance passed between Lily and I.

  “Who could that be?” she asked, standing from the couch.

  “I have no idea.” We didn’t get visitors often. And if we did, it was usually Toby and Sandra, Shephard and his wife, or Lena and her daughter. That was about it. And they always called or texted first now that we had Ettie. “Stay here.” I had learned not to be so damn paranoid but with everything that had happened when Lily and I first got together, one could never be too safe.

  Heading to the door, I checked the security camera on my phone but didn’t recognize the person standing on the other side. Unlocking the door, I opened it, finding an older woman. She was short. Probably a few inches taller than Lily and she was round and plump with wrinkles sitting at the corners of her eyes.

  Her dark eyes stared up at me, her mouth falling open on a soft gasp. “It’s you.”

  I frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “God, you look so much like him,” she continued. “All this time. Finally, after all this time.” Her eyes shone, a tear falling down her cheek. Before I knew what was happening, she threw her arms around my middle.

  “Uh…” I stiffened. “I’m sorry but…who are you?”

  “Oh.” The woman released me, taking a step back. “Forgive me.” She wiped her cheeks. “It’s been so long. I just…”

  “Lucas?” Lily came up beside me. “Everything okay? I put Ettie in her bassinet. Oh…hi.”

  “Ettie,” the woman whispered. “You have a daughter? I have a granddaughter.”

  Alarms started going off in my head. My stomach dropped. “What the fuck did you just say?”

  The woman flinched, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I…God, this is so hard. I’ve spent years looking for you. Thirty…” She frowned. “More than thirty years…”

  “Lucas,” Lily whispered.

  I grabbed her hand, holding it tight in mine for fear that I would start freaking out. A ball was about to drop. I knew it. I could feel it. This woman. Something about her was familiar.

  “Lucas,” the woman said, chewing her bottom lip. “I’m…I’m your mother.”

  “Where are my parents?”

  Bobby sneered. “They never wanted you. Why do you think you’re here?”

  My eyes burned. I had never thought about my parents before. Especially since I was told they were dead but that part of me, that tiny part, held onto the hope that they were looking for me.

  “I…” My chest tightened. I took a step back. “You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead.” That was what Bobby and Carole told me. I believed them. God, I believed them.

  Lily stepped in front of me, keeping her hand in mine. “You need to explain before I kick you out on your ass for upsetting my husband.”

  “I…” The woman took a deep breath. “I had you when I was young. Just a girl. I was barely fifteen. Your father left me after that. He ended up in jail and died a few years into his sentence. I was a drug addict. Addicted to everything. I didn’t have a chance of keeping you. But I wanted you. God, did I want you. Once I became clean, I searched for you, but because you were adopted, your records were sealed shut and your last name was changed. I couldn’t find you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” Tears rolled freely down her cheeks.

  “Did you want to come in?” Lily asked, her voice thick.

  The woman nodded.

  “Okay.” Lily released my hand, leading the way into the living room with the woman following behind her. All of the air was sucked from my lungs the farther Lily got away from me.

  I closed the door, locking it up tight and leaning against it. This couldn’t be happening. After all of these years. After more than thirty fucking years. And now she showed up?

  “Excuse me for a moment,” Lily told her. She came back down the hall toward me. “I don’t know what’s going on right now but whatever it is, I’m here. Alright? Don’t close up on me again. After all we’ve been through. After all of the work you’ve put in. After—“

  In a quick move, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me.

  She sighed, returning my embrace. “We’ll figure this shit out, Lucas. We will.”

  I released her, grabbing hold of her hand.

  Lily brought it up to her mouth, kissing my scarred knuckles. “Ready?”

  No. I swallowed hard but nodded anyway.

  She turned, keeping her hand locked in mine and led me to the couch. She sat, pulling me down beside her. “You need to explain.”

  The woman nodded. “My name is Lucy Crane,” she said softly.

  My heart jumped.

  “I named you after me because you were the best thing I ever did. Even though I was so damn young. You were the best part of my broken life. I was just a kid. I know that’s no excuse. God, I know that. But it’s the truth.”

  “How did you find me?” I asked, my voice rough like I had gargled with shards of glass.

  “I saw your face in the paper. You were standing in front of your business. It was the tenth anniversary of your shop. It was highlighting the fact that you cover scars and burns for people.”

  “I thought I got rid of that picture,” I mumbled. I hated being the center of attention even though Shephard had insisted the picture be taken. Recognition was not the reason behind why I did what I did.

  “That’s where I remember you from,” Lily blurted. “I knew you looked familiar when I first m
et you, but it slipped my mind as to where I’d seen you before.”

  “But why now?” I turned back to the woman, the stranger, the one person I had begged for ever since I was a damn kid. “If you saw my face in the paper, you could have shown up sooner. My information was listed with that picture. I don’t understand why you waited so long.” I had no intention of being rude but none of this made sense.

  “I tried.” Lucy, fucking hell, wrung her hands in her lap. “I’ve been trying to get clean, so I could come see you.”

  “How long ago did you see that picture?” I asked, not sure how I felt about us having something in common.

  “A few years ago,” she murmured. “After I saw it, I made a vow to get clean.”

  “How long?” I stood from the couch and began pacing.

  “Ever since I saw your picture. So…five years.”

  “Five years.” I blew out a slow breath. “You saw my picture five years ago and you’re only just showing up now? What do you want? Is it money?”

  “What?” Lucy’s eyes widened. “No. Not at all.”

  “Then why the fuck are you here?” I shouted.

  Ettie started crying.

  “Shit.” I rubbed the back of my neck.

  “I got it.” Lily rushed off to our bedroom to take care of our daughter while I stared down the woman who let me go.

  “I know you’re mad,” Lucy said softly.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’m not mad. I’m far past being mad.”

  “I didn’t come here expecting us to be one big happy family. I came here to let you know that I found you. I don’t expect a relationship with you. I just wanted you to know that…I’m here.”

  “You should have stayed away. It was better before you showed up because right now, I’m confused. The fact that my mother is sitting across from me after all of these years is fucking with my head. I spent my childhood, begging, praying for you to come find me and take me away from the hell I was placed in. But you never came. The things I went through…” Bile rose to my throat, my stomach churning. Matteo was going to have a field day with this information at our next appointment.