From Mourning to Joy

by Marlene Bierworth

  “Couldn’t see your winter stash of meat anywhere. Thought you could use some venison. Still lots of cold weather left.”

  “I appreciate your kindness,” she said. “Did Davey like hunting? We always figured he’d be a bit squeamish.”

  “Didn’t faint or say anything to make me believe he was uncomfortable with the whole scene. Kind of got excited when the critter fell.”

  “Good. I told Jacob he coddled him too much. A boy needed to grow naturally into the ways of the land.” She sighed. “But then Davey’s father was never meant to work a farm. I should have agreed to live in town and let him work his way up in the banking business. That’s where his heart was.”

  A shadow fell across her face and she went silent. Bernie lifted the faintly lit lantern and went into the kitchen. In a clean bowl he poured the warm broth and grabbed a spoon before heading back. She was sitting up with her back against the headboard of the bed.

  “I noticed the fine workmanship in the bed. Did your husband build it for you?”

  “It was a wedding gift from my Father who is a skilled craftsman. We packaged it securely in a crate and carried it in the wagon West with us.”

  “Nice keepsake. Does it make you lonely now – like you want to go East again?”

  “Not in the least. My husband would come back and haunt me. This was all my idea. He’d have stayed home and pursued a more gentlemanly career. It’s my fault he died and I’ll never do that to a man again.”

  “Open up.” He pushed a spoonful in her mouth. “Don’t quite see it that way myself. Does a man’s heart good to make his woman happy. He’d do most anything if he really loved her.”

  “That’s nice of you to say. Jacob was a gentle sort. I should have left him alone and fell in love with a more adventurous drifter.”

  Bernie bit his lip but the words slipped out anyway, “Like me, ma’am?”

  She laughed and his spirit lifted. “I suppose. You are certainly a rugged frontiersman, but your kind were sadly lacking from the pool of men in North Carolina seeking my hand in marriage.”

  “I know your name is Janelle cause Livvy at the store told me. Can I call you that? Ma’am seems a mite formal,” Bernie said.

  “You may – Bernie, wasn’t it?”

  “That’d be it.”

  “Well, Bernie, I think I can spoon the broth into my own mouth.” She grinned. He passed her the utensil and returned to the rocker.

  “When you’re done, I’ll stretch my blanket out on the rug in front of the fire. I think your need for doctoring is nearly done.”

  “I recall you mentioning that you were seeking a spot to bunk down for the winter?” said Janelle.

  “Yes, but I won’t impose on you, unless you think I can be of service.”

  “You already have: Venison for my table. I remember wakening once when Davey was lying under the covers with me on the floor. He was so cold but I couldn’t seem to move. Then darkness overcame me and the next time I stirred; you were here.”

  “There was plenty of frost inside the cabin when I arrived, But it’s right cozy in here now. There’s even a bit of leftover stew – more like soup. I forgot to thicken it. When you’re feeling up to eating some, I’ll bring it in. Fetched some grub from the mercantile, so if you’re in agreement I can start some bread rising in the morning, My Ma taught me how to make the basics, enough to keep a man alive.

  “The aroma of fresh baked bread will surely have me on my feet again. Thank you, Mr. Drysdale.”

  “I did sort of make a mental list of jobs I could do around here. And there’s a nice cozy spot in the barn I can set up for sleeping. Suppose I’d appreciate you taking me on for a few months ‘til we’re both back on our feet. A man doesn’t mind drifting with the hot sun on his back and longer days than nights.”

  “I hear tell the best decisions are made in the middle of the night,” said Janelle. “So, yes, I shall welcome the help, Mr. Drysdale. This wanna-be farm girl knows her limitations.”

  “Only if you call me Bernie. That’s the deal.”

  She placed the empty broth bowl on the bedside table. “You’ve refreshed my confidence in the male species.” Janelle yawned. “I believe I’m ready to sleep again.”

  He picked up his blanket and the bowl. “Goodnight, Janelle. I’ll leave the door open a crack to let the heat in and I can hear should you call for help before sun-up.”

  Bernie watched her snuggle low beneath the blankets then lifted the lantern and went into the main room. He stoked the fires and after folding his coat for a pillow, spread his blanket on the braided mat. Not nearly as comfy as the hotel room last night or the straw bed he’d fix for himself in the barn, but for the few hours that remained before dawn, it’d do fine.

  The next time he roused, Davey stood over him. He squinted his eye and grinned. “Morning, boy.”

  “Morning Mr. B. Dreamt about a whole herd of deer coming to the old buck’s funeral last night. Do you think critters mourn the loss of family?”

  “Can’t say I know the answer to that. But heard me a preacher say once that God gave man dominion over the land and all the creatures that dwelled in it. So, I take that to mean it’s all right to kill meat to fill hungry bellies – if that’s what’s bothering you.”

  “And the Good Book also says that man was created in His likeness, with a body, mind, and spirit to separate us from other critters that react mainly through instinct.”

  Bernie jumped to his feet at the sound of the voice coming from Janelle’s room. “You’re awake?”

  “I am. A little wobbly but on my feet thanks to your care.”

  “I haven’t got the bread baking. You should have stayed in bed a while longer.” He threw his blanket on a nearby chair and hurried into the kitchen. “Don’t even have the fire stoked. You’re an early riser.”

  “I’ve been sleeping for days, whereas you slept most of the night in a wooden rocking chair and the rest on a hard floor.” She moved to his side. “I’ll make the bread. You can go with Davey and start chores.”

  Bernie lifted his brow. “Chores? You don’t have many animals in your barn to rightly call it chores.”

  “Afraid my husband and I got off to a slow start. Jacob had so many repairs to do on the cabin before we could call it much of a home. It was in a sad state of repairs.” Bernie wondered how it could be much worse than it was now but remained quiet.

  “Like I said. I made a list in my head; enough to keep me and the boy out of your hair.”

  “You don’t need to mind Davey. Except if you want help – he loves to feel useful.”

  Bernie ruffled the boy’s bedhead. “Learned that about the lad already. He can help me if he wants but you just call out the door and he’ll come running if you need him in the house.”

  Janelle looked at the bucket. “I see I have water,” and moved to the right to browse through the bag Bernie had brought from town, “and all the ingredients to cook some flat cakes for breakfast. Feels good to be back in the land of the living, and I have two strong gentlemen to thank for it. Bless you both.”

  Davey wrapped his arms around her waist and her countenance beamed with pride. “Now off you go. And show Bernie around the place. He’s going to be helping us out for a spell, so you mind him, hear?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” said Davey halfway to the door already.

  Later, at breakfast, Bernie enquired about the stash of wood he found piled in the back corner of the barn.

  “My husband had money in his pocket and felt the need to spend it so when a traveling man came by with lumber to sell, he bought far too much. What did you have in mind?”

  “Had a couple things in mind. Maybe a chicken coop and a pig pen.”

  Janelle gasped. “But I don’t have any chickens.”

  “Not yet. But a family can’t survive long without eggs and a good meat chicken is a nice reprieve from eating wild meat all the time.”

  “We will have piglets soon. Jacob was partial to bacon
and ham.”

  “Yes, and the oinkers need their own spot with a penned in yard to roll around in come nicer weather. Blaze don’t take kindly to their racket, and I could do without the odor they leave in the barn – since I’ll be sleeping there.”

  “Can you build in the winter?”

  “Might have to fix it up a touch when I can dig proper, but I can start with the basic structure. It’ll be enough to relocate the pigs. Ain’t healthy for man or beast to live with such foul creatures.”

  “That is a perfect use for the wood. Please, feel free to use it up,” said Janelle.

  “The old smoke house is in need of repair but it can be put off for now. Any meat we need should stay frozen till you get around to cooking it. I’ll finish the skinning then quarter and wrap it to store in the cache.”

  “I didn’t even know I had a smoke house,” said Janelle.

  Bernie pointed to the back. “Over there. Far enough away to keep the smoke clear of the cabin.”

  “It was on my husband’s mind to tear that tiny building down. I don’t think he knew what it was used for and I never bothered to check it out.”

  “Like I said; needs repair. Be easy for a greenhorn to pass it over as useless,” said Bernie.

  “Yes – greenhorn describes my family well. After chores why don’t you start with the meat? My mouth is watering for venison.”

  “Got the heart, kidney, and liver out if you’d like to cook it up.”

  “Not my favorite, but doctors back home claimed that organ meat was good for you now and then. Both Davey and I could use a nutritious boost to our diet.”

  The day sped and when Bernie and Davey came inside for supper, he cussed himself for abandoning his patient.

  “You’re tired,” he said, noticing the dark circles under her Janelle’s eyes.

  “I did lie down once today for a short nap, but you’re right. I think I overdid the first day on my feet.”

  “Well straightway after supper you go get cozied up. The boy and I will clean the kitchen and finish up chores. Hope you don’t mind me bunking out on your rug again. Been so busy, never paid no attention to setting up a room in the barn. Promise I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow night.”

  “You are not in the way, Bernie. Besides, I feel safer with you nearby.” Janelle looked down in her lap.

  “The boy told me you’ve had your share of uninvited men drop by. Just so you know, I am a light sleeper. No one will break in your door without me hearing, even with me sleeping in the barn. It’s not far from the house.”

  Janelle cast a glare at her son. “You and my son appear to have far too much time to talk with him shadowing you like he does. I’ll keep him inside tomorrow and out of your way.”

  “Davey? He’s never in the way. He has an uncanny way about him; seems to know my next move before I do and has the tool sitting there waiting for me.” Bernie looked with admiration at the young boy. “A bright lad. You should be proud.”

  “Thank you. He is my whole life now.” Janelle chuckled. “That and getting this farm up and running.”

  “Then you don’t plan on vacating come spring – head back east to the comforts of your home town.”

  “Never! I love Wyoming and it feels more like home than North Carolina ever did.” She looked long and hard at Bernie. “Besides, with you working all winter, this place will be ship-shape and I can concentrate on preparing the land.”

  “You – without a horse or oxen?”

  “I might have to make a bargain with Patrick Johnson at the livery. He was one of the founders of Belle and has a special place in his heart for those wanting to make this piece of the west prosper.”

  “Met him. Seemed like a nice old chap,” said Bernie.

  “How long were you in Belle?” asked Davey. “Did you meet my teacher? Her name is Delia Perkins?”

  “I did not have the pleasure,” said Bernie.

  “She’s mighty purty and has a heart as big as the world map hanging on the wall. But her imagination sometimes goes wild and makes her say silly things.”

  “Well, maybe I should have introduced myself while I was there. A man sure likes a pretty woman.” He said it with Janelle in mind but instantly heard the panic in Davey’s voice.

  “But her heart ain’t near as big as Ma’s,” Davey said. “And she’s a right sensible lady that you already met. No sense looking in town when we got the best here.”

  Janelle blushed and stood to her feet. “I have fresh bread and jelly preserve,” she said almost apologetically. “I’ll see if I can manage a sweeter dessert tomorrow.”

  “You concentrate on getting stronger,” said Bernie. “Make a grocery list and I’ll go to town for you.”

  “I have overextended my account, Bernie. I’m afraid pickings will be scarce if you stick around this farm for the winter.”

  “I have cash money in my saddlebag. Consider it my contribution.”

  “You are working, that’s your contribution.”

  “Ever ask if there was work in town you could do the days Davey goes to school,” said Bernie when he noticed pride rising in her face. Appeared she was not one to take advantage of a person’s kindness, that was for certain.

  Her face brightened. “Davey enjoyed school for the short time he was able to attend. I’ve kept up with the few lessons his teacher sent out with well-meaning folks, but the snow kept us homebound especially after our only horse died.”

  “Ma. I’ll bet Mr. Shields could use some help at Belle’s Café,” said Davey. “I’d sure love to go back to school.”

  As her situation registered, a forlorn expression replaced the one burst of joy at the thought of a possible answer to her dilemma.

  “Nothing has changed, Davey. It’s absurd to think of work or school. Belle is too far to walk in the winter.”

  “Ah, Ma, we can do it,” whined Davey.

  “You know how much work it takes to run this place, especially when the growing season starts. We’ve been getting through the lessons fine up to now. We won’t need hired money once we learn to live off the land.”

  “But Mr. B. is here, Ma. Maybe he knows how to make them rows nice and straight like what’s in your mind.”

  Janelle bit her lip. “Finish up your bread, Davey. Time for you to clean up and get ready for bed.”

  “I’m helping with the dishes, remember?”

  “I can do the cleanup,” she said rather firmly. “No place for a man’s hands to be stuck in dishwater.”

  “But, there’s chores outside and…” Davey argued.

  Bernie interrupted. “I can finish up outside, Davey. Getting dark, anyway. You mind your mother.”

  The lad stuffed the last of his bread in his mouth. “What good is eating all those terrible parts of the animal if it doesn’t wake-up power enough for walking to town?” He disappeared in his room and the door closed.

  Bernie leveled a gaze at Janelle. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “What do you mean?” she asked as she cleared the dirty dishes from the table.

  “You seem mighty determined to keep the lad clear of folks – even me – all of a sudden.”

  She sat back down and exhaled deeply before continuing. “Mr. Drysdale. I appreciate you coming along in our time of need, but I can’t depend on your generosity forever and I need to be able to figure out my own problems if I’m to survive living in the west. I don’t think that’s part of the deal one should expect from a hired man.”

  Bernie noted the hesitancy in her voice. “That’s not it at all. You’re beating around the bush.”

  She spoke in the same firm manner she had used with Davey. “You are a drifter; needing a place to hold up for the winter. I’ve met your sort before. Sam Spalding was the most persistent that came calling after Jacob died. He was kind at first, and played to my vulnerability. Davey took to him, much like he’s taken to you; but after a few days his true colors shone through. The man rode out with my gun carefully aimed at his back.
”

  “Sorry for your hardship, ma’am.”

  “I’ve survived these long months alone, and Davey and I will be fine in the future when you decide to drift on to greener pastures.”

  Rejection did not sit well with Bernie and raised the hair on the back of his neck. He stood and headed to the door. “I’ll be sleeping in the barn from here on in.” Bernie stumbled into his boots and coat, unsure where he’d gone wrong. All the while she stared at him, silently scrutinizing his every move. He plunked his hat on his head and turned before leaving, “Goodnight, ma’am.”

  Janelle jumped to her feet. “Wait!” She scampered around the house and returned with two blankets and a lantern. “There’s a potbelly stove in the tack room. Be sure to gather straw and make yourself a soft bed.”

  While handing the armload over, she touched his bare hand and bolted back. He watched the terror fill her eyes and was more dumbfounded than ever.

  “Never gave you no reason to be skittish; you’re acting like a startled deer. But don’t worry none, ma’am. I ain’t shot a woman or youngster yet and don’t plan on starting now.”

  Bernie could not hide the hurt he’d undergone from her rebuff and his stomach churned as he witnessed her outward bravery fall and crumble. But it came too late. He knew his place and he determined to keep his distance from her and the boy.

  Chapter 5

  Janelle collapsed against the door and let the tears fall. Bernie had been nothing but generous from the moment he stepped foot on her property and she’d treated him like an outcast, clunking him in with the sorry riff-raff that had crossed her path. She’d not succumbed to fear in a long time and chided herself: So much for growing tough skin. Since September, when they’d buried Jacob six feet under, she’d experienced torrents of confusing emotions wearing a multitude of disguises.

  Sam had been the first to introduce her to the hardships she’d face as a lone widow living outside the protection of Belle, and she’d vowed never again to bow to the terror he’d imparted on her during his brief stay. In light of tonight’s episode, it appeared she’d tossed all drifters in the same bag. Even after learning that Sam had found employment on the Silver Aspen Ranch, she remained determined not to live in fear. Yet, here it was plaguing her like the return of an incurable disease.