BARR: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  BARR

  a bay falls high novel

  Jaxson Kidman

  Contents

  Welcome to

  BARR

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Epilogue

  Want more #bfh?

  What is #bfh vs #hch?

  More from Jaxson

  Welcome to

  “Mel… do you regret everything with me?” I asked. “Meeting me? Falling for me? Everything we did?”

  “No,” she said.

  She kissed my hand that rested against her shoulder that was on the bed.

  Then she fell asleep.

  But not me.

  There was no sleep.

  Not until I knew I could save Mel for good this time.

  * * *

  Written by Jaxson Kidman

  BARR

  I loved her then.

  I love her now.

  I left without telling her how much I cared.

  I promised to keep her safe, no matter what.

  It was a promise I couldn’t keep. A promise that haunts me each day… and even more at night.

  Well now it seems our "no matter what" moment is here.

  I’m driving back to a place I’m not welcomed to anymore. A place that made me. A place that broke me. A place that I know I may never come back from.

  But I know she’s there… and I know she needs me.

  The Rulz has no idea what’s about to happen. Mel has no idea what’s about to happen.

  But I know what’s about to happen.

  Mel’s going to end up costing me everything, including my life.

  And I'm okay with it.

  Prologue

  (a long, long, long time ago - might not even matter now)

  At first there was a dress code. Being shipped away to Brooks Crest, with its sprawling campus resembling that of some cliché college in a dumb movie, wasn’t ever supposed to be considered a rite of passage. It was the rich version of being sent away.

  Prison? Jail? Something worse?

  It all had that kind of appeal.

  But the beautiful part of money was that it made ugly become pretty. It made dirty become clean. And it made bad seem not so bad after all.

  There was one thing explained to me though on that ride there.

  This is it, Barrington.

  Meaning after BC it was as real as the world could get.

  That shit made me laugh.

  Because what I was walking into was the realest of the real.

  I wore the uniform.

  I did the dress code thing.

  I even made my bed.

  Long enough to have eyes taken off me.

  And that’s when I had to do what was needed to survive.

  It grew on me and became normal.

  Which was something I said wouldn’t happen.

  But imagine being put into a corner.

  And there were choices.

  Get punched.

  Or throw a punch.

  What would you do?

  Me?

  I was never put into a fucking corner.

  I put people in corners and made it well known why I was at BC and that I wasn’t going to waddle around in a fucking uniform and conform to make Mommy and Daddy’s bank account rest easy at night.

  And that scared a lot of people.

  Sometimes the story played through my head like that. Reminding myself all that had happened to bring me there. Or to bring me to the exact second the story was playing in my mind.

  Meaning I was standing at a crimson red locker.

  Looking up at the tall ceiling, the chandeliers hanging above our heads, lining all the hallways like some kind of castle in a kids fantasy book.

  I had an unlit cigarette in my mouth.

  Was that allowed?

  Nope.

  But considering I used to smoke the goddamn things in the hallways, having one unlit was a small victory to them.

  I was tired. My head hurt. And I really needed that cigarette.

  “Hey, bro, let’s walk.”

  I turned my head and nodded. “Guess we have to show face today?”

  “We’ve got this though, right?”

  I grinned. “Always.”

  I could take any test and pass it. For some reason my brain was wired to be smart. For the others, it didn’t work out so well. But I wasn’t just book smart. I was street smart too. Meaning I had all the answers to the test with me and had a way to make sure those I needed near me would pass.

  Again, was that allowed?

  Fucking nope.

  I pushed from the locker and blocked the hallway just as someone came around the turn.

  I froze when I saw her.

  For a second I thought she was half my size.

  This short girl with jet black hair, wearing the uniform. The black knee-high socks and the plaid skirt with the white shirt and the fancy, girls style jacket over that. Hugging a small stack of books.

  Looking right at me.

  Looking through me.

  Seeing inside me or some kind of shit.

  I grinned and took the unlit cigarette from my mouth.

  “Look at you, love,” I said to her. “Haven’t seen you here before. You must be new. My name is Barr and you’re not allowed to walk this hallway without kissing me first.”

  I heard the guys behind me laugh.

  “Shit, here he goes…”

  I waited for my kiss.

  The pretty new girl side stepped and I put my arms out. “Don’t be stupid, love. I can either make you fall in love with me or ruin your life. I’m nice enough to let you choose so make-”

  She screamed.

  And it was the loudest scream I ever heard in my life.

  It only lasted a couple seconds though, just enough to cut me off and shut me up.

  Then she cleared her throat and spit in my face.

  The spit hit my cheek under my right eye.

  Before I could touch my cheek, she threw her shoulder into me and walked around me.

  I turned and she walked right through the rest of the BC crew.

  Which was unheard of.

  Nobody did that.

  Ever.

  They all looked at me.

  I watched the pretty new girl walk away.

  I touched my cheek and looked at her spit on my fingertip.

  “What now, Barr?”

  I put the unlit cigarette back between my lips and turned and walked in the opposite direction.

  I was pretty sure I was in love right then.

  Chapter 1

  a little bit later, love

  I sat down behind the piano.

  The bench was wobbly and promised to collapse at some point.

  But I didn’t move.

  I put my glass of whiskey on the top of the piano like some big shot rock star about to play for sixty thousand people.

  The room was empty.

  Dusty, old, empty.

  Kind of like a lot around and in me at the moment.

  I sucked on my cigarette and stared down at the old keys on the piano.

  Smoke danced in front of my face.
<
br />   It was all a sense of home to me.

  I put my fingers down to the keys and pressed.

  Even without trying, the sound was there.

  Although the piano was a little bit out of tune, in some way that made it better. It had a creepier sound to it. A sadder sound to it. I could play a song that would get anyone’s legs bouncing. And then a minute later I could play a song so fucking sad they’d hide their faces to cry.

  In a way it was all I knew.

  That’s where the emotions waited.

  That’s where they hid.

  Under some ivory keys.

  I played a few chords.

  I reached for my whiskey glass with my left hand and took my cigarette out of my mouth with my right hand. I carefully placed the cigarette on the piano so that it didn’t fall or burn anything.

  My right hand went back to work, playing notes.

  I sipped the whiskey and stretched my neck.

  It burned the way it was meant to do.

  I never understood the way people would sip hard stuff and then make a surprised face. What the fuck did they think it would taste like? Honey?

  Honey…

  I shook my head and put the glass down.

  I left the cigarette burning on the edge of the piano.

  I put my head down and just started to play.

  It was hard to explain what it was like when I played. It was just there. Inside of me. I didn’t plan out notes and songs. I just played. My left and right hands doing whatever the hell they wanted, yet still making music.

  There was a meaning behind that.

  A story behind it.

  I played faster.

  I played sadder notes.

  I wasn’t in the mood to perform, dance or sing, or any other bullshit.

  I wanted to make the paint peel off these walls like they were crying. I wanted the ceiling to cave in around me like a broken heart.

  Let it all crumble, leaving me sitting under a starry sky, still playing this old piano.

  My right hand crossed over my left hand.

  I kept playing.

  My ass started to lift off of the seat.

  My fingers hurt and the muscles in my forearms burned with a familiar ache that suggested I slow it down.

  But I just kept going.

  Sweat rolled down my face and I began to slow.

  A little.

  Then a little more.

  Then a little more…

  I was a closet piano player, love, and that meant when I played, I had to tell the entire story in my head and heart. Just hitting a few notes wasn’t good enough for me. I had to end this the right way.

  Which was slowing all the way down until it was just a few random notes that were slow, echoing, haunting.

  My cigarette burned so far down a chunk of ash fell onto the piano keys.

  My middle finger crushed it a split second later, without thought or care.

  I hit the last note and pulled my hands away.

  I heard the sound of clapping and I put my head back and grinned.

  “Wonderful, love,” I said.

  “Like you didn’t know I was here and listened.”

  “You weren’t supposed to hear that. That was my best stuff.”

  “Yeah? Well it kind of sounded bad. Not sure anyone told you the truth, Barr, but you kind of suck at playing that.”

  I grabbed my cigarette and turned around on the bench.

  I took one last drag and put the cigarette out on the side of the bench.

  “You know you’re as pretty as the day I met you, love,” I said.

  “Oh, look at that. So smooth with those words, Barr. Just like the day I met you.”

  I stood up as she got closer to me. I touched her face and grinned. “You know, this is a good time for me to tell you I love you.”

  “Yeah? Then do it.”

  I stroked her cheek and took my hand away. I replaced my hand with my lips, kissing her cheek.

  I paused and swallowed hard.

  A lot running through my head at once.

  “Barr?”

  I grinned some more. “You know I love you, right?”

  “Of course,” she whispered.

  I winked. “Let’s just make sure Pres doesn’t find out about this, love.”

  Chapter 2

  The giggling drove me crazy the most.

  I understood it.

  It was all fun and games and cute shit.

  Pres making sure Tinsley was happy and all that.

  But goddammit, man, how many times did he have to tickle her sides and make her scream?

  We all knew how to make Tinsley scream in different ways.

  Believe me.

  And then I had Kip sitting shotgun, rocking gently in the seat like he was jacked up on meds or drugs or something.

  Again, I understood it.

  He and Ruby were still doing the whole figuring it out thing.

  She got herself right and seemed to be doing good with it.

  Keeping herself that way too.

  The balance between her living with her grandmother and coming to BFH was nothing short of a pain in the ass. But this is what we did for each other. The Rulz were brothers. And what we did for Tinsley, we would mostly do for Ruby. Pres knew the way Kip and I felt about Tinsley and he made his peace with it, knowing that at the end of the day it was her heart in his hands.

  With Ruby, it was more about protection.

  Keeping her from that old life that tried to pull her down so many times.

  For me, it had a deeper meaning.

  For the one I couldn’t save, right?

  I hated that shit too.

  All that cliché shit that tried to justify the cracks in my heart.

  Which, by the way, did exist.

  Yes, love, there was a heart in there… and yes, it was capable of feeling pain.

  Pause and think on that for a second. Shit.

  I pulled up to Ruby’s grandmother’s house and rolled my eyes at the sound of Pres’s fat lips smacking against Tinsley’s soft cheek.

  I looked over at Kip and opened my mouth but he already had the door open and dove out of the SUV.

  He ran around the front and I shook my head.

  Kip. Fucking Kip.

  Tied down to one girl.

  Really?

  The guy who made it his business to come up with nicknames for girls so he would never have to know their real name ran toward the little beach house like he hadn’t seen Ruby in ten years.

  It had been all of two days.

  I looked in the mirror and watched Tinsley climbing out of the SUV.

  I turned my head and nodded as I checked out her ass.

  The way her shirt pulled up her back and showed off some skin.

  Pres whistled at me.

  I looked at him and grinned.

  “I’ll fucking kill you, Barr,” he said.

  “What?” Tinsley asked. “What just happened?”

  “I was just admiring your ass, love,” I said to Tinsley.

  Her cheeks turned red. “Really? You like it?”

  “What the hell?” Pres growled.

  Tinsley laughed and patted his chest and walked away.

  Pres stared me down.

  “I just looked,” I said. “I didn’t touch.”

  “Don’t even joke about that,” Pres said.

  He slammed the door and the entire SUV rocked back and forth.

  I was the last to get out of the SUV.

  I left the door open, the SUV making its ding, ding, ding sound because the door was open.

  I lit a cigarette and watched as Ruby dove off the porch steps into Kip’s arms.

  Pres wrapped an arm around Tinsley’s waist and pulled her close.

  It made me smile.

  Through all the bullshit, they all got what they really wanted and needed and deserved.

  I took my phone out of my pocket and looked at my texts.

  My screen was full
of blue messages.

  Which were the ones I sent.

  I didn’t need to count how many I had sent without a single fucking reply.

  The number burned in my head.

  And I hated the way that number burned in my head.

  I heard Pres whistle again and looked forward to see him waving for me to come join them.

  I brushed by Tinsley and wiggled my eyebrows at her.

  Then I looked at Ruby and smiled. “Hey, love.”

  “Barr,” she said.

  “How’s it going? Staying clean for yourself so you can be dirty for Kip?”

  “Every single day,” she said.

  I touched my chest. “That breaks my heart each time you say it.”

  “Really?” Ruby asked.

  “I was the one who saved your pretty ass,” I said.

  “Hey, I thought you were looking at my ass,” Tinsley said.

  I put my hands out. “Easy, love, I’ve got two eyes. And plenty of looks to go around.”

  “Can we jump him and throw him off the rocks?” Kip asked Pres.

  “I’m good with that,” Pres said. “Nobody would ever find him.”

  “You know that would break Tinsley and Ruby’s hearts,” I said.

  “Not a chance,” Ruby said. “I can even show them the perfect spot to dump you off.”

  “Oh,” I said, shaking my head. “Vicious.”

  “Do I smell cigarette smoke?” Ruby’s grandmother asked as she stepped outside.

  She looked around, judging everyone.

  When she got to me, I put the cigarette to my lips and helped myself to a drag that probably took a few good minutes off my life.