Stealing Spaceships: For Fun and Profit

by Logan Jacobs

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Orla snarled. “But turns out these assholes were lying from the start. All they care about is money.”

  “Them and everybody else,” I sighed.

  The Antioch’s sirens were louder now, and the wails came closer together. That had to mean the dock fire was bigger, and our timeline to get off this station was getting shorter by the minute.

  “Just back away,” the guard ordered.

  He forced Orla to move backward as they retreated from me, but I just walked steadily after them.

  “Do you even know how to use that thing?” I asked.

  The guard raised the nightstick higher.

  “Oh, I see that you do, old pal,” I said. “You must have had a lot of training for them to give you the all-important job of guarding the ATM. Not everybody could do that so well, old buddy.”

  “Are you making fun of me right now?” the guard demanded.

  “Me? Make fun of you?” I pretended to be shocked. “Now why would I make fun of the Dominion’s finest, especially after he broke into the very machine he was placed there to protect? That was just a stroke of genius.”

  The guard wavered as he thought about what I said, and it was all the opening I needed. I grabbed his nightstick, but when he didn’t let go, I just pulled it back and rammed it into his cheekbone just below his eye.

  He let go of the nightstick instantly, and I twirled it back with a flourish before I smacked it down once on the top of each collarbone.

  The guard yelped and clutched at his shoulders, but it only made him yell louder as he felt the cracks I had made in his collarbones. He let go of the princess completely, and I kept hold of the nightstick. I grinned and grabbed the brunette’s hand. She didn’t even spare a second look for the wounded Dominion guard.

  We raced back toward the fueling docks. The fire would have spread across more fuel stations by now, and that meant it was only a matter of time before it reached the Skyhawk. I didn’t think Favian Grith would appreciate scorch marks all over his prized relic.

  Most of the mob had been distracted by the money on the ground, but there were enough of them who weren’t. They saw us now as we ran straight through the middle of them, and some asshole in the middle shouted to point us out.

  Fucking mob mentality.

  “Don’t they realize they will have to split the bounty if they all catch her together?” Honey Bee observed calmly.

  “Nobody ever accused a mob of being smart,” I muttered.

  “We know how to make a mob smart.” Her words began to echo. “Then they could all have what they want. Safety and love. And the feeling of belonging to something—”

  “Not now,” I told my chip.

  “Very well,” she sighed.

  I jerked Orla from my right side to my left as an ugly fucker barreled directly at her. He collided with another man, and they went down swinging together. A woman jerked at the princess’ jacket from behind, but I swiped at her wrist with the nightstick so she released her grip and howled away.

  I slammed some poor fuck in the nose just for looking at us too long, but the woman beside him tried to sneak up on us while I was distracted with him. Honey Bee and I registered her at the same time, so I slapped the nightstick across the woman’s thighs and she went down in a heap.

  I looked up. We had fought our way back to the fueling docks, but I quickly saw that we were about to be engaged in a different kind of fight. The fire I had started now raged across half the dock stations. They were mostly on the docks opposite from the side where the Skyhawk was parked, but the fire had managed to hop across the street. It now engulfed both a fuel pump and a ship just two docks down from the Skyhawk.

  “Time to run,” I told the princess.

  We had ran through the crowd, but now we full-on sprinted toward the Skyhawk. I thought of Kashiid, the runner that everyone had put their bets on in the Petty Talon, and I wondered if anybody would put money on either of us right now.

  If they’d been fucking smart, they would.

  I jumped over a sparking hose and grabbed the princess by the waist to lift her over it. The docks swarmed with chaos on every side. Some people tried desperately to make it back to their ships to take off before the fire spread, and others tried to run on board their ships and salvage what personal belongings they could. And everywhere, little worker drones buzzed and flew back and forth as they attempted to extinguish one fire after another.

  I’d say one thing about the chaos. It made it so nobody gave a flying fuck about me or the princess as we raced past them.

  “You always find the silver lining,” Honey Bee chimed.

  I laughed as I grabbed a small drum of water that the worker drones were about to use to help with the fire. As soon as we reached the Skyhawk, I rolled the drum on board and closed the boarding ramp even as we ran up it. As the sirens outside took on a muted tone, we hurried up to the bridge of the ship to get the hell off the Antioch. We strapped into the pilot and copilot chairs, and the muted wail of the sirens dropped suddenly to a low pitch.

  Outside on the fueling docks, the fire safety system finally kicked on and rained down so much powder that it looked like we were in the middle of a damn blizzard.

  “Someone’s gonna lose their job over this screw-up,” I muttered.

  “I think someone’s probably gonna get pitched off the space station for it,” the princess said. “How could their fire safety system just not work?”

  “Oh, it works,” I said with a grin. “It just doesn’t work fast.”

  “All those ships…” Orla trailed off.

  I powered up the Skyhawk and turned on the wipers to clear the cockpit window. I didn’t need to be able to see out in order to fly, but sometimes it was nice to go old-school. The snow of the fire extinguishing system might do funky things to the radar anyway, so I shrugged and shifted into reverse as the wipers finished their job.

  “Don’t you think it’s terrible?” the princess asked again. “All those ships? All those people stuck here now?”

  “Oh, it’s horrible,” I snickered as I lifted off of the docks and reversed. The doors opened automatically when they sensed my approach, and I passed into the airlock chamber before they closed again. Half a second later, the outer doors opened and I zipped off the Antioch and into space.

  Along with over half the other ships from the space station.

  “You didn’t… did you do this?” Orla murmured. “The fire, I mean?”

  “Sweetheart,” I sighed, “let’s just remember that these assholes were all ready to tear you to pieces for the possibility of a payday, okay? So, maybe don’t go feeling all bad for them that their ships are a little singed. You’re welcome, by the way.”

  I skidded between two small cargo ships and had to take the Skyhawk up on one side to avoid being smashed between them. Everybody wanted to get away from the fire, sure, but that meant that there were just too many people in the sky, and not enough of them good enough to call themselves pilots.

  “Thank you,” the princess responded. “I didn’t mean to sound… I’m very grateful, Trevor.”

  I grinned at the way she said my name and looped around another vessel who had mistimed their exit from the Antioch. The pilot was unable to control their entry, and the ship rolled over several times before it stabilized behind me. Another craft dive-bombed us from above. I almost fired on it before I saw that their cockpit window, and probably their sensors too, were covered in fire extinguisher powder. Instead, I just dipped out of their way.

  “Do you really think they would have torn me apart?” Orla asked quietly.

  I glanced at her before I rocked the Skyhawk toward the right to avoid a transport ship. Its fuel tank was still open, and the liquid spilled out to float and separate into the surrounding blackness. They’d have to dock right back on the Antioch as soon as they realized what they’d done. And as soon as the space station finished putting out the fire, of course.

  “You tell me, princess,”
I said. “Did those guards or the people in that crowd feel particularly friendly when they were all grabbing at you?”

  “You set a space station on fire for me,” the princess said softly.

  I dove the Skyhawk away from a cluster of panicking ships and toward an empty patch of space. I glanced at the brunette again, and I saw that she was damn near glowing.

  “Now let’s not get carried away,” I warned. “I set a space station on fire for us. So we could get away, not just you.”

  “But you could have left me,” Orla said with a smile. “You could have taken the money from the ATM, or just cut your losses and said to hell with me.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t,” I exhaled, “but I think I’m already starting to regret that.”

  “You set a space station on fire for me,” the princess said again.

  From the tone of her voice, I might as well have handed her the moon. I guided our ship further away from the Antioch before I looked at the princess again.

  “Try not to read into it,” I sighed. “I’m just trying to get you where you paid me to take you.”

  “You can’t tell me this is still all about money for you,” the green-eyed brunette said.

  “Everything’s all about money, princess,” I answered.

  “Not everything,” she defended. “We just spent the last day making lov—”

  “Alright, maybe not everything,” I interrupted. “You didn’t turn me over to your Dominion chums when you had the chance. Even when you know all about the Vespidae and my connection to them and everything. So I’ll give you that. That wasn’t about money.”

  “That had nothing to do with money,” Orla said sharply. “That was because--”

  “Exactly,” I interrupted her. “Oh, I’m sorry-- because what?”

  “Oh, never mind!” the princess blurted.

  I grinned and relaxed at the controls. We were far enough away now from both the Antioch and the crowd of fleeing ships that I could sit back a little. We had a full fuel tank, enough food and water to get by, and a still-intact ship to take us where we needed to go. Not too bad for a day’s work.

  “So, where we headed to, princess?” I asked. “You still want to join up with your precious Napoleon and all your fancy officers there?”

  “The officers have nothing to do with… yes,” Orla said with her chin in the air. “Yes, I do. Will you still take me there?”

  “Hey, a job’s a job,” I answered. “You still have the money you got from the ATM, right?”

  The princess reached in the pockets of her jacket and pulled out several fistfuls of cash that she threw onto the control panel. I swiped it all to the side so it would be out of the way as I plugged in the coordinates for the Napoleon. With the coordinates put into the ship’s systems, I estimated our arrival time being three days, with most of that spent in hyperspace.

  I shifted the Skyhawk into hyperdrive and sat back as she blasted off into the light. Only then did I collect the cash and put it all in the pockets of my vest. If I kept doing so well with the jobs I took, I would really need to get a bank account.

  Of course, that would mean that I would have to trust a bank enough to give them my money. And the only way that would happen was if I could find a bank that wasn’t controlled by the Dominion. I shrugged. Eventually, I’d have my own custom ship, and I’d make it my own personal bank. Until then, I had a better chance of holding onto my money if I just kept it on my person. Who else would defend my money as fiercely as I would?

  “There’s no need to pout,” I told the princess. “You agreed to pay me to take you to the Napoleon. I agreed to take you to the Napoleon if you paid me. That’s it. Simple business transaction.”

  “I just thought we were… I thought I might have meant more than that to you,” Orla huffed.

  “You’re not the transaction,” I laughed. “The job is. Taking you to the Napoleon-- that’s the job.”

  “But I thought you meant--”

  “Woman,” I sighed, “you’re gonna have to get a lot less sensitive before you join up with the rough-and-tumble ULA.”

  “So I’m not-- so you’re--”

  “I tell you what,” I exhaled. “We’ve got about three days before we reach the almighty Napoleon, so why don’t you use that time to try to figure out what exactly it is you want to say? And in the meantime, I figure that gives us about three days of… activities… that we can keep ourselves occupied with.”

  “I don’t know,” Orla said shyly.

  I unbuckled our safety belts and hauled the princess into my lap. I wrapped my hands around her small waist and gave her a little squeeze.

  Then her cheeks blushed pink as I slid my hands down to grab hold of her hips.

  “You don’t know?” I asked innocently. “You can’t think of any activities you might want to participate in for three whole days with me?”

  The brunette shook her head, but I knew from her smile that she was teasing me. I kept one hand on her hip but slipped my other hand underneath her shirt to skim across her spine. The princess shivered, and I pulled her closer to myself. I kissed up the side of her neck and then breathed softly against her ear.

  “Not,” I sighed, “a single activity?”

  Orla gave a little moan.

  “Okay, well if that’s the way you feel,” I exhaled.

  I sat back in the pilot’s seat and dropped my hands from her body. The princess’s full lips fell open with disappointment.

  “You can’t just-- why’d you stop?” she demanded.

  “Oh, did you want me to keep going?” I grinned.

  “Well, yes,” Orla answered as she bit her lip.

  “Then your wish is my command,” I laughed.

  I grabbed her around the waist again, and this time she didn’t hesitate. She leaned her full lips into mine, and she dissolved against me in a scent of crushed oranges and the taste of strawberries.

  The next three days went by even faster than our trip from Orpheus to the Antioch, and with an equally impressive number of finishes for the record books. We exited hyperspace to engage in a slow approach to the Napoleon. I had no interest in setting off their alarms or warning systems. There was just no need for us to have come all this way only to get blasted out of the sky by some over-eager rebel fighters.

  I had to admit that the Napoleon was impressive. It wasn’t the Alexandria of Favian Grith, of course, but for a secret rebel base, it was both surprisingly large and an impressive piece of architecture. It consisted of two concentric circles, with large rectangular structures that connected both rings.

  “Declare yourselves,” a voice from the ULA space station hummed over the Skyhawk’s speakers.

  “This is Princess Orla Medalla,” the brunette said over the communication microphone, “and I think you’ve been expecting me. I’ve come to join your cause.”

  At first, there was only silence from the Napoleon. Everyone was probably too busy shitting themselves on the station to remember that someone had to respond to the princess. Sure, the ULA would be excited to have such a public figure recruited to their cause, but if I was them, I’d be more than a little skeptical at the princess of the Dominion just showing up out of nowhere.

  “Come aboard,” the Napoleon finally responded, “but exit your ship with your hands up and no weapons.”

  “That seems excessive,” the brunette huffed.

  “Does it?” I laughed.

  “I understand,” she replied to the Napoleon. “Hands up and no weapons.”

  “You know they have no reason to trust you,” I reminded the princess.

  “They have no reason not to,” she defended.

  “They have every reason not to,” I sighed. “You’re the daughter of Julius Medalla, the Supreme Commander. You know, their worst enemy.”

  “Which is why my decision to join them will be such a victory for morale,” Orla said proudly. “Besides, I wouldn’t even know about this base if someone in the Unified Liberation Army
hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me.”

  “That’s one way to look at it,” I said.

  I guided the Skyhawk into the docks of the outer ring of the Napoleon. As soon as the ship was powered down and the hangar doors closed behind us, a crowd of fighters emerged from the hangar in front of us. They were all well-armed and well-dressed, much better than those ground-bound fuckers on Orpheus, but they all still wore their trademark red jackets. I glanced at Orla.

  “Well, here you are, sweetness,” I exhaled. “Your brand new home and your brand new life, for a brand new you.”

  “I’m not brand new,” the princess defended. “I’m still me. Now I’m just… now I’m just making a difference.”

  I raised my eyebrows above my shielding glasses.

  “I am!” the brunette protested. “I know you don’t believe in the ULA--”

  “It would have been pretty hard to find their secret space station if I didn’t believe in them,” I joked.

  “Very funny,” Orla sighed. “What I meant was, I know you don’t believe in their cause, but they really are trying to make things better. The Dominion just wants to scare people. They just want to control everybody.”

  “Isn’t that a government’s job?” I asked dryly.

  “It doesn’t have to be,” the green-eyed woman continued. “There are other ways to govern and to rule, and the ULA knows that. And so do I.”

  “Do you think they’ll let you keep your title?” I grinned.

  “Of course,” the princess sniffed. “Don’t you think it’ll help their cause if Princess Orla Medalla is their poster girl?”

  “Only if every asshole in the galaxy isn’t still trying to track you down to collect Daddy Dearest’s bounty on you,” I reminded her.

  “I’ll be safe here,” Orla assured me.

  “I’m sure you will,” I responded. “Of course you will.”

  “Not your most convincing lie,” Honey Bee observed.

  I didn’t know if it was a lie or not, but I hoped it wasn’t. The troops on Orpheus had been desperate, underfunded, and uneducated. That was just about the worst combination you could create for fighters to your cause. Maybe Orla was right. Maybe the officers on the Napoleon would be different. Maybe even their cause would look different.