Amanda Vs The Universe

by Patricia B Tighe

“I’m not little anymore.”

  “Right. I got it. But you need to cut me some slack for thinking of you that way. I’ve always felt like I had to take care of you or at least watch out for you. So when you do things I’m not sure about, it worries me. A lot of guys are dicks, Amanda.”

  A hollow laugh burst out of me. “You think I don’t know that?”

  “Sometimes I’m not sure. It always felt like you’d date one guy and it would end and then you’d immediately be on the hunt for someone new.”

  “On the hunt? I can’t believe you just said that.”

  He sighed. “Screwed up again, huh? Sorry.” He ran a hand through his short hair and rubbed the back of his head. “Just, I don’t know, take it slow with Kyle, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

  The confusion in his voice helped loosen the tension in my muscles. I unclenched my teeth. He was still trying, in his awkward Geoff way, to take care of me. I patted his shoulder. “Thanks, but don’t worry about me. I’m learning how to take care of myself. Even if I do get hurt, I’ll deal with it. Maybe not always in the best way—” Geoff laughed “—but in my own way.”

  “Even if I know a hundred better ways?”

  I coughed out a laugh. “Even then.” And the thought of going home for Gamma sank in as being inevitable. I loved her; I wanted to help take care of her. I’d miss Kyle, but I’d worry like crazy if I didn’t go to Gamma. That was just the way I was. The Amanda Way. Ha. I could try that for a while.

  I did want to see Kyle one more time before we left, though. “I know how you can make it all up to me.”

  “Make what up to you?” Geoff asked.

  “All those times you made jokes about me.”

  He slowly leaned away, like he was being careful around a crazy person. “Uh, yeah?”

  “Lend me your car in the morning.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yup.”

  He let out a scoffing noise. “I guess I don’t have to ask what you need it for.”

  “I guess you don’t.” It was obvious. My parents would be busy packing, a.k.a. throwing things randomly into the SUV, and I needed wheels to go see Kyle one more time.

  “All right. Just be careful with The Elephant. She’s my baby.”

  “Such a stupid name for a car,” I said.

  “Tell that to Molly.”

  “No worries. I already have.”

  “Seriously? What did she say?”

  I turned to go back into the house. It was time to call Kyle. “What do you think? Nothing, of course. She just gave me one of those little smiles she’s famous for.”

  “Ah, Molly,” he said, and rubbed the top of my head.

  I ducked away. “Hey. None of that.”

  “But you’re my baby sister. Don’t I get to mess with you sometimes?”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said with a laugh. “But definitely not right now.” I slid out of his reach and went inside.

  ***

  After I told my parents about my decision, I headed upstairs to start packing. My phone beeped, and I smiled. Kyle. It had to be. I pulled the cell from my pocket and froze in place. Alex again. I let out a loud groan and went into my room.

  Alex: Yo, babe. Text me back. We should hang sometime.

  Right. That was going to happen. As tempted as I was to text back and tell him to get lost, I kept it under control. Texting wouldn’t help at all.

  But what would help was calling Kyle.

  He picked up on the second ring. “Not that I’ve been waiting by the phone or anything … ”

  I laughed. “Hi, Mr. Cranky.”

  “Hey, Miss Helpful. How’s Gamma?”

  Warmth filled the hollow area around my heart at his question. “She has bronchitis, which is better than having pneumonia. But I’m still leaving tomorrow with my parents.”

  “Crap. Okay. I kinda knew this was gonna happen.”

  “Yeah, it sucks. But I want to be there to help take care of her.”

  “I figured you would.”

  Should I tell him about Alex’s second text? It had been easy to tell him last night; there’d only been friendship between us. But things had changed. I didn’t want him to be jealous, but I didn’t want to hide anything either.

  “Amanda? You there?”

  “So, uh, my ex texted again.”

  A long two seconds passed. “What’d he say?”

  “You know, the usual—text me back, let’s hang out.”

  “The usual?” Kyle’s voice went up almost an entire octave.

  I laughed. “That was a joke.”

  “You’re extremely hilarious. What did you tell him?”

  “Nothing. I don’t have anything to say.”

  “Good.” He paused. “Can I say something you might think is rude?”

  I held onto the side of my bed as I sat. “I guess.”

  “Your ex probably just broke up with someone and is sending texts to three or four other girls besides you. He’s trying to hook up.”

  I went still. Kyle was right. Alex probably had done that. But still, Kyle’s words stabbed me in the gut. “Wow. Thanks for making me feel special.”

  “You are special,” he said in a gravelly voice. “I’m just glad he’s too stupid to realize it.”

  I sighed as my eyes pricked with tears. This boy. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “You’re welcome. So what time are you leaving in the morning?”

  “Probably nine or ten. My parents aren’t the crack-of-dawn type of drivers.”

  “Great. I can be there by eight-thirty.”

  I started pacing again, just a lot more slowly than before. “You don’t have to do that. In fact, I’d rather come see you. There are too many people here to bother us.”

  He chuckled. “That’s true. I’ll see you here in the morning then.”

  “Right.”

  “And now I get to go wash the dishes for Cady.”

  “Lucky you. I get to pack.”

  “I hate those words,” he said.

  “I know. Me too.”

  “Ugh. Cady’s calling me. I need to go before she starts cleaning the kitchen.”

  “’Kay. Good night.”

  “Night, Amanda.”

  The phone beeped twice as the call ended. And I stood right there in the middle of the room, hugging myself. Kyle gave me such warm, fuzzy feelings. I hated to think it, but it was probably good that I wouldn’t see him for a couple of weeks. The time could help lessen the intensity of my crush on him. Or not.

  I laughed as I dragged my suitcase out from under the bed.

  Twenty-Two

  I finally made it out of the house by ten after eight, after proving to my mother that I was completely packed and ready. I’d had to put my suitcase and computer bag in the SUV, which was stupid because Dad was going to take them out again when he started loading the car.

  Anyway, on the drive over, I turned up the radio Geoff had set on a country station, figuring the upbeat music would help the drive go by faster. And help me to not think about Alex and his stupid texts. Because I’d gotten another one last night with the same basic message: let’s hang out sometime. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do more—block his number or send him an “I’m busy till I’m 80” message. Either way, I needed to do something, because I was starting to expect him to text again, and that weirded me out.

  After five minutes, I turned the radio off. It wasn’t helping. When I pulled up to Cady’s house, I practically leaped from the car without turning it off. The front door opened before I got there, and Cady smiled at me. “Good morning.”

  “Morning, Cady.” I looked past her to see if Kyle was waiting, but the entryway was empty.

  “You didn’t really expect him to be up by eight-thirty, did you?” Cady asked, motioning me into the house.

  I wrinkled my nose. “Um, yeah, I did.”

  “Well, so far I’ve heard two alarms go off, which means he’s probably going to be up so
on.”

  I followed her into the kitchen, the warm scent of cinnamon filling the space. “What exactly does ‘soon’ mean?”

  She chuckled. “That is the question. Want some coffee?”

  “No, thanks.” I put my purse and phone on the kitchen island.

  “You’re welcome to go upstairs to get him moving,” she said. “Just don’t stay more than a couple of minutes or so. Your parents would kill me.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, Cady.”

  “The closed door at the end of the hall on the left,” she called after me.

  “Okay.” I rushed up the stairs. I didn’t have a lot of time, and as much as I loved her, I hadn’t come over to visit Cady.

  Family photos covered the walls of the hallway, but I didn’t bother to study them in the dim light. I had a boy to wake up. I knocked.

  A muffled groan came from the room. He might’ve said an actual word, but I couldn’t tell.

  “It’s Amanda. Can I come in?”

  “Amanda?” he practically squeaked.

  I had to smile. “Yeah.”

  “Uh, hang on.” Thump. And then a heavier thump. “Okay.”

  I opened the door slowly in case I hadn’t heard him right. Morning light came through partially opened wood blinds. Kyle stood beside a double bed, rubbing his eyes, short hair sticking out all over his head. Pajama pants hung low on his hips, and he had no shirt on. At the sight of his abs, my throat went dry. Holy guacamole.

  He smiled sleepily and strolled toward me. “Hey.”

  “Hi,” I whispered, trying not to shuffle my feet like a five-year-old.

  He slipped his arms around me in a long hug, and I let my hands roam over his back. Whoa. Skin, glorious skin. And muscles. And—wait. He was saying something.

  “ … is disgusting, so I’m gonna brush my teeth before I kiss you.” He spoke against my hair, his voice like warm honey. I took a mental picture of all these sensations—his smooth skin, strong arms, warm voice—since it would be two whole weeks until I had them again. “Amanda?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You wanna let go so I can go to the bathroom?” Humor laced his words.

  “Um, no.”

  He chuckled, then let out a dramatic sigh. “All right. Guess you don’t want to kiss me.”

  “Who said that?” I let my lips trail along the side of his neck.

  He jerked back, holding me at arm’s length. “Gah. You’re killing me here.” He slid fingers down a length of my hair. “I am going to the bathroom. Please stop being sexy.”

  I laughed. “But you’ve already won the sexy competition, standing there with no shirt on. I had to do something.”

  He smirked, then grabbed a tee from his bed and slipped past me into the hall. “Just a couple of minutes. Don’t go anywhere.” The bathroom door clicked shut.

  I walked back into the hall, not able to keep from smiling. That feeling. That warm, happy Kyle-feeling swirled through my body. I so wanted to stay there all day.

  I sighed away the frustration of leaving and turned my attention to a set of photos on the wall. Individual smiling kid faces stared out at me, but none of them looked like Kyle. Just a dark-haired little boy, then several girls of different ages, and then finally a toddler grin on a face that was probably Kyle’s.

  Then came a few group photos with adults and kids, everybody growing progressively older, and in various locations. Ski pics and beach pics and city pics. I stopped in front of a photo that was taken here in Cady’s backyard. Kyle looked like he was probably in middle school, all awkward haircut and skinny arms and legs. He stood, not smiling, with that same group of kids—some older, some younger—four girls and the dark-haired boy, who stood in front of everyone and grinned like he owned the world.

  My entire body turned into a block of ice. I’d seen that grin before. But it couldn’t be. Not here. Not part of Cady and Kyle’s family. I squinted at the boy in the picture, dread making my stomach flip. That was either Alex Delgado or his doppelgänger.

  My breath came faster and faster. What did this mean?

  Before I could decide, the bathroom door swung open, and Kyle had me in his arms, his minty fresh mouth on mine. I clung to him, kissing him back hard. Why did I have to look at the freaking pictures? Why? I didn’t want to know what was sinking into my brain.

  Kyle broke the kiss, holding my face in his hands. “Hey. You okay?”

  “No. I mean, yes. Just kiss me.”

  He brushed his lips across mine right as Cady’s voice floated up the stairs. “The cinnamon rolls are ready,” she called.

  “Coming,” Kyle said. He wove his fingers through mine. “What’s wrong?”

  I swallowed hard and faced the photo. “Who are the people in this picture?”

  A frown came and went on his face. He pointed to a slim girl with blond hair a shade lighter than his. “That’s my sister, Risa. The others are my cousins.” He pointed them out in succession. Another blond, Madison. Two girls with dark brown hair, Clara and Yoli. And then he flicked his finger at Alex. “And that’s A.J., the asshole.”

  I couldn’t take in a full breath. “What’s A.J. stand for?”

  “Alexander Junior. He’s named after his father. It’s just easier to call him A.J. so no one gets confused.”

  “Does everybody call him that?”

  Kyle gave my hand a gentle tug, and we headed for the stairs, my legs stiff and awkward. “Yeah, what do you mean?” he asked.

  We went downstairs, my dry throat making it hard to form words. “Uh, at school and everything?”

  “Yeah. You may have even heard about him. A.J. Delgado, high school quarterback, future hall-of-famer, now going to display his brilliance at Texas Tech.”

  “Huh,” I managed to say.

  In the kitchen, Kyle poured himself a cup of coffee. Cady sat at the table. “Help yourselves to breakfast,” she said, lifting her head from perusing the newspaper.

  I had to tell him. But I had no freaking idea how. It was too weird, too coincidental. Too horrible. I clenched and unclenched my hands. Kyle passed a glass of orange juice across the island toward me, then took two plates out of the cabinet. He slid a spatula under a cinnamon roll and set it on one plate. Then he turned to another. And all the time he moved, his motions steady and secure, I couldn’t stop the words bombarding my brain. Alex is his cousin. Alex is his cousin. Alex is his cousin. And two different girls had dated Kyle to get info on Alex. To use him as a way to Alex.

  Kyle smiled at me, but it fell away. “What is it? You look really pale.”

  I cleared my throat. Or tried to. They were so many things lodged in there. Tears, pain, fear. He was going to hate me. “I have to tell you something.”

  Maybe it was my weird high-pitched voice, or maybe it was the expression on my face, but Kyle took hold of the countertop and went very still. Like he was protecting himself. “What?” His voice sounded flat, empty of expression.

  My words rushed out. “Your cousin A.J.? I know him as Alex. He’s my ex.” A quiet gasp came from where Cady sat, but I couldn’t look at her. “I didn’t know until I saw those pictures upstairs.”

  Kyle’s face went rock hard, like one of his sculptures that he’d fired and then glazed and then fired again. He leaned back against the refrigerator, the spatula still clutched in his hand. “How could you possible not know? How, Amanda? You dated him. Didn’t you ever go to his house? See the family photos all over the effing place?”

  “I only went there a couple of times. We only stayed long enough for him to drop off his school stuff or get—’’

  “Nice try.” He tossed the spatula onto the stove, and it hit with a clatter that went straight to my heart.

  “Kyle, this is nothing but a stupid coincidence.” My voice sounded shaky, like I was about to cry.

  He shook his head. “Don’t with the tears crap. You must’ve been excited to see how easily you could play me. How you could get me on your side, and then we date, and then we end
up at some family thing where A.J. would be, and y’all would have a beautiful reunion, and—”

  “Stop! You’re making absolutely zero sense!” My temples throbbed with a pounding pain, and I rubbed them with my fingers. “First, and most important, I don’t want A.J. I want you. Second, I didn’t know he was your cousin, and if you don’t believe me, then we have a bigger problem than Alex Delgado. Third, if I wanted him, I wouldn’t need to go through you! I have his phone number. I know where he lives. I could make a fool of myself and grovel at his front door. I could stalk him. Hell, I wouldn’t even have to do that. He texted me twice last night!”

  The last words burst from my mouth in a flurry of emotion that I couldn’t stop. At the look of utter inevitability on Kyle’s face, I wanted those words back. I’d give anything not to have said them.

  Kyle turned to the sink with aching slowness and washed his hands. Then he methodically dried them on a hand towel, which he refolded. All without once looking at me.

  “I didn’t text him back,” I said, knowing how weak the argument sounded, knowing I was losing Kyle with no idea how to stop it from happening. “I can show you my phone.”

  He faced me again, his eyes empty of emotion. “Even if I did believe you didn’t know A.J. and Alex were the same guy, it doesn’t matter now, does it? He wants you back, and you’re clearly not over him.” He put his hands on his hips. “So yeah. This was fun. The whole twenty hours it lasted.”

  “He doesn’t want me back,” I said. “You know that. He’s going to college.”

  “He’s texted you three times in the last two days, Amanda.” He cocked his head. “Guess it was just too soon for A.J. not to mess with my life again.” He headed out of the kitchen.

  “Kyle, wait,” I said, letting out my last bit of desperation. “Don’t do this. We can talk this out.”

  He turned back, and pain filled his eyes. “No. We can’t.” He strode from the room.

  I watched in disbelief as a familiar burning pain ignited in my chest. I held onto the island, tears rolling down my cheeks. A door banged from the back of the house. How had this happened? So quickly, so viciously. I needed to be gone. I fumbled for my purse, but Cady’s warm hand caught mine and pulled me close.