Love Against the Law

by Justine Klavon

  Mack stood up, but it was clear that he couldn’t focus as he couldn’t remember where the door was. He stumbled to his left then stumbled to his right before swaying where he stood. Hobbs hopped up and hurried around his desk, putting his hands on Mack’s shoulders to steady him.

  “You have to breathe, Mack,” Hobbs told him. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “Wait, you lied for her,” Mack replied, furrowing his brow inquisitively as he suddenly remembered that part of his boss’ conversation.

  “I was always going to protect her, Mack. Go get your wife; bring Sammi home.”

  Mack walked out of his Captain’s office in a haze, still needing a minute to catch his breath. He sat at his desk with his head in his hands and tried to clear his mind so he could calm down. But all he had to do was picture Sammi all alone in the hospital and he rushed out of the precinct building. This couldn’t wait.

  *

  When the detective got off the phone, he looked at Sammi with even more pity as he shook his head in disappointment. Sammi had been able to decipher that Hobbs had lied and she was furious. After everything he had put her through, and he couldn’t even take the perfect opportunity to out her to another detective.

  “Hobbs says you’re a good detective,” the officer told her with a raised eyebrow. “You looking for a job out here?”

  “Bite me,” Sammi snapped at him and sunk down in the bed to signal that she was done talking to him.

  The detective saw himself out of the room and Sammi returned to feeling sorry for herself. She knew she wanted to get out of the hospital, but she had no idea what she was going to do when she finally did. Trying to pass the time, she daydreamed about seeking revenge on Christopher for taking her loved ones away from her.

  Sammi spent another twenty-four hours in the hospital before the doctor was ready to release her. Her right arm was still in the sling from being broken under the pressure of the explosion and all of her bodyweight landing on top of it, but she was healthy otherwise. Dr. Gloria went over aftercare for her arm as Sammi finished her paperwork then handed her a list of therapists for her to talk to back in New York.

  “Like I said, I don’t need help,” Sammi scolded the doctor. “And I’m not going back to New York.”

  “Please?” came a voice from the doorway. Sammi looked up and saw her husband leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  Sammi froze in shock. She could see the pain and torture in Mack’s eyes, but she wasn’t prepared for this and she didn’t know how she wanted to react. She looked to Dr. Gloria for help with desperation in her eyes, but the doctor just signed off on her paperwork, rubbed Sammi’s shoulder, and smiled kindly at Mack on her way out of the room. Feeling cornered, Sammi sat on the edge of the hospital bed, hoping she could wait out Mack and he would just leave. She hadn’t seen him in four months, and it killed her to see him now, so she just stared at the floor in silence.

  It took a little while, but Mack eventually worked his way into the room and took a seat next to Sammi on the bed. He left a good distance between them and Sammi could sense how uncomfortable he was. But she was just as uncomfortable, and he was the intruder in this situation. She hadn’t asked him to come and she didn’t want him there.

  “Sammi,” Mack said quietly, stealing a glance in his wife’s direction.

  “Just go home, Mack,” Sammi replied with a sigh as she hopped down off the bed.

  With Mack out of the doorway, Sammi had an opening to leave and she intended to take it. Before she was even within five feet of the open entryway, Mack leapt up and grabbed her left hand to stop her. That was Sammi’s only good arm so she couldn’t exactly fight him off; she turned to face him with fury in her ice-cold eyes.

  “Sammi, I’m sorry,” Mack whispered, keeping ahold of his wife’s hand so she couldn’t run away. He could feel that her ring finger was void of any jewelry and tried to convince himself that the hospital had removed her wedding rings for safety reasons.

  Fighting back tears, Sammi just shook her head at Mack, wanting him to just stop talking and go away. She couldn’t handle these emotions after everything that had just happened, and she didn’t believe she owed Mack that explanation. With a desperate plea in her eyes, she made an attempt to tug her hand free from Mack’s, but he held on and pulled her closer.

  “Please, just talk to me,” Mack begged.

  “I tried talking to you for months!” Sammi yelled at him, unable to hold it in any longer. “You cut me out, not the other way around!”

  “I was wrong and I’m sorry,” Mack told her calmly. “Not getting that promotion destroyed me because I thought that my job was all that I am. But you make me who I am, Sammi. You brought me to life four years ago and I’m nothing but an empty shell without you.”

  “You told me I took your life from you,” Sammi replied quietly with hurt in her voice.

  Remembering that fight, Sammi couldn’t hold back her tears any longer and the harder she cried, the less she could see in front of her. Her muscles felt tingly as her crying and sobbing drained her energy and her head spun with dizziness. She swayed once where she stood, and Mack immediately scooped her up and placed her back on the edge of the hospital bed.

  “I am so sorry that I hurt you, Sammi,” Mack said, kneeling in front of her with his hands on her knees. “My world had just crumbled around me and because you’re my world, you were the easy choice to blame. But I never should have said the things I said to you. My words came from a place of anger and you didn’t deserve that. You deserve so much better.”

  “What do you want me to say to that?” Sammi asked through heavy sobs.

  “Say you don’t hate me. Say you’ll come home with me,” Mack pleaded.

  Sammi shook her head as she continued to cry. She wanted to forgive Mack, but she knew things could never go back to the way they were before. Mack had allowed her to suffer for far too long without a word and now she didn’t have anyone to lean on. As far as she was concerned, her life was over.

  Mack’s face twisted in torture as he watched Sammi grow more upset by the second. He finally got up and sat on the bed so he could pull his distraught wife into his lap and held her while she cried. She didn’t fight him and turned her head to cry into his white t-shirt. They remained like that for nearly ten minutes until Sammi was able to pull herself together and dried her tears.

  “Come on,” Mack said once he could feel Sammi’s body relax in his arms, “let me take my wife home so I can start making up the worst four months of my life to her.”

  Sammi nodded her head against Mack’s chest and allowed him to help her stand. She was still wobbly on her feet after crying so hard and Mack kept an arm around her to steady her. He didn’t say anything, but it showed on his face that Mack was unreasonably content over this small victory.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Wait for Me

  Sammi was quiet during the entire trip back home to New York so Mack let her be, hoping she would talk when she was ready. He had a lot of questions about her four months away from him and it was difficult for him to be patient. But he knew pushing her was not the way to go and would only make things worse.

  Having already taken time off to go to California and retrieve his wife, Mack wasn’t expected back at the precinct right away. He and Sammi got home in the middle of the day on a Friday and Sammi vocalized wanting to go right to bed, but as soon as she walked into the house, she became spooked and ran back outside. Not realizing right away that she was gone, it took Mack a second before chasing after her and finding her at the end of the driveway crying by the mailbox.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Mack asked, putting his hand on Sammi’s back to try and comfort her. Sammi pulled away from him.

  “I’m sorry, but this is happening too fast,” Sammi told him, her voice shaking. “I can’t just go back to being your wife, in our home, as if nothing happened.”

  Mack’s face looked like Sammi had just
slapped him. He had known things wouldn’t be perfect right away, but he hadn’t expected Sammi to be so resistant. It was starting to feel like she didn’t want to be married anymore and that terrified him.

  “What can I do to help you feel safe in the house?” Mack asked quietly, struggling to find what to say.

  “Let me work up to it at my own pace,” Sammi told him.

  Another emotional slap to the face and Mack took a step backwards. He watched Sammi for a minute or two, trying to catch her eye so he could read her face. But she wouldn’t even glance in his direction and he felt stupid just standing there, openly unwanted, so he went back into the house without his wife.

  Looking out the windows every couple of minutes to check on her, Mack watched as realization crossed Sammi’s face that she couldn’t stand down by the road for no apparent reason all day, no matter how badly she wanted to stand her ground. Sammi finally looked up at the house, causing Mack to duck, and frowned at the adorable little home that she and Mack had made together. It suddenly dawned on Mack that it wasn’t just him keeping her from entering the house. Kodi and Eli had also made their own marks on the home and now they were gone forever.

  As Mack reached the front door with the intention of trying to talk to Sammi once more and acknowledge her grief, Sammi entered the house. She was moving cautiously and looking in every direction around her as if the ghosts of her friends could jump out at any second. There was fear in her eyes and that upset Mack more than anything because he had once made a promise to protect her from anything like this.

  Respecting Sammi’s wishes to go at her own pace, Mack took a step back to leave her be. He chose to sit in the kitchen, which was sort of like the center of the house, so he could be out of the way but still in Sammi’s sight in case she decided she needed him. Keeping his head down and pretending to look at something on his cellphone, he watched as Sammi made her way through the house and into the master bedroom.

  Since Sammi was silent, Mack gave her a little while to settle by herself. After a bit, he got up and walked to the bedroom door to listen for any noise his wife might be making to give him an idea of what was going on. He could hear her crying and, figuring he had a duty to check on her, he let himself into the room.

  Curled into a ball under the blankets in the center of the huge bed, Sammi was sobbing lightly and staring at the wall. She didn’t even blink as Mack entered the room, but Mack still tried to be as quiet as possible. He stayed against the wall and sat on the floor in Sammi’s line of sight.

  “I’m just checking in on you,” Mack spoke quietly but directly to his wife. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

  “No. Thank you,” Sammi said coldly, looking at Mack but not really seeing him. “I just need to rest.”

  “I understand. I’m going to sleep in the other room tonight to give you some space. But please don’t hesitate to come get me if you need anything,” Mack told her.

  “Thank you,” Sammi sputtered out, emotionless again.

  “I love you, Sammi,” Mack whispered as he stood up and brushed her hair behind her ear before leaving the room. She still didn’t budge.

  Mack was exhausted but he lay awake in the guest bed all night, worrying about Sammi. It was taking all of his strength to give her space when all he wanted was to be in their bed holding her tight. He wanted to cry with her about the loss of their child, but that wasn’t his job right now. His job was to get Sammi through this grieving process in one piece.

  When Sammi didn’t get out of bed the next day, Mack tried not to worry too much but it was hard. He checked in on her a handful of times, struggling to not be overbearing. The only relief he had was that Sammi seemed more present than she had been the night before, changing positions in the bed and not just staring at the wall. But she wasn’t eating and by seven o’clock that night, Mack had made the decision that he couldn’t go to work the next day and went out on the back porch to call his boss.

  “How’s she doing?” Hobbs asked when he answered Mack’s call.

  “Not great,” Mack told him with sadness in his voice. “I’m worried about her, Cap.”

  “I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I think she just needs time. She needs to come to terms with everything that happened,” Hobbs replied, trying to sound reassuring.

  “I understand that she needs space, but I can’t leave her alone all day. Not yet,” Mack explained.

  “It’s okay, Mack, take care of your wife. We’ll see you when you’re ready to come back.”

  “Thanks, Captain.”

  As Mack got off the phone, it suddenly crossed his mind that if he had actually gotten the Captain’s promotion, he wouldn’t be able to take time off like this. He wouldn’t be able to take care of his wife the way she needed, and he was suddenly grateful that he wasn’t the Captain. And that thought made him feel terrible because he had chased Sammi away over a position that he didn’t even want anymore. Sitting on the back-porch step, Mack rubbed his head and allowed himself to feel as awful as he felt he deserved.

  When Mack checked on Sammi one more time before retiring to the guestroom again for the night, she was fast asleep and snoring ever so slightly, which had probably been brought on by hours of crying. It was the most peaceful she had looked in days and Mack’s heart beat a little faster in his chest, reminding him that there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for that girl. He took a risk and leaned over her to kiss her soft hair before leaving her alone in the dark, quiet room.

  Still unable to sleep, Mack lay awake in the guest bed wondering how different things could be if he had been able to keep his head right about the Captain situation. His imagination only hurt him, laying the guilt on thick, and he considered going out to the kitchen to grab a few beers to help him sleep. Before he could act on that thought, he heard a lot of movement in the other bedroom and he jumped out of bed.

  Mack walked quietly into the master bedroom and found the lights on with Sammi throwing every last article of her clothing into open luggage carriers on the floor. His heart dropped into his stomach and he stopped breathing for a moment at the fear of Sammi leaving again.

  “What…what is going on?” Mack asked, struggling to catch his breath. The room was spinning around him.

  “I can’t heal with you hovering,” Sammi told him in a huff, not even turning to look at him. “I’ll be at my old apartment in the city.”

  Mack was confused. He had intentionally kept his distance all day to avoid exactly what Sammi was accusing him of. He was doing everything right.

  “Sammi, please don’t do this,” Mack pleaded as he approached his wife and tried to take her hand in his, but she pulled away. “I know I didn’t stop you last time, but I’m asking you this time. Please don’t leave me.”

  “I need to do this on my own if I’m going to have any chance of ever being okay again,” Sammi replied, finally turning towards him but keeping her eyes down to avoid his gaze.

  “We can do this together, Sammi. I lost a child too.”

  And Mack immediately knew that had been the wrong thing to say. Sammi finally made eye contact, glaring at him with fire burning in her sharp eyes. Her breathing got heavy with anger and she was either going to scream or cry. It was the first time Mack acknowledged that he knew about their baby and she clearly hadn’t been prepared for that.

  Zipping up her luggage, Sammi turned her back on Mack again to hide her tears. She struggled with the zipper on the second bag, fighting against it with only one usable hand and she broke down crying on top of it. Mack picked her up and placed her on the bed so he could close the zipper for her then he picked up both bags and carried them out to her car while Sammi continued sobbing on the bed.

  “You’re all set,” Mack whispered, sitting next to her on the bed and dangling her car key from his finger in front of her face.

  Sammi wiped the tears from her face before taking the key. She and Mack stood up at the same time and Mack followed her out to the garage to s
ee her off. He was the furthest thing from okay with this, but he couldn’t force her to stay. He didn’t have any other choice than to be strong for her.

  “Please drive safe and promise you’ll pull over if you’re crying,” Mack said from the doorway as Sammi opened the driver side door of her Nissan that she hadn’t even seen in four months.

  Sammi nodded, looking Mack in the eye to let him know he could trust her. They gazed at each other across the garage with goodbye in their eyes and uncertainty on their faces. As he watched Sammi get behind the wheel of her car, he hated himself for not forbidding her to go, knowing there was no guarantee he’d ever see her again.

  “I love you,” Mack said, even though Sammi couldn’t hear him as she backed out of the garage, onto the street, and out of his life.

  *

  Sammi grew more and more upset as she drove into the city, but not enough to make her feel like she couldn’t drive safely. She knew seeing the apartment was going to be worse than anything else she’d endured over the past few days, so she was harboring her emotions until that traumatic punch to the gut. Her friends had been taken from her so suddenly that she hadn’t had the opportunity to really say goodbye to them and surrounding herself with their memories seemed to be the only way she could think of to force herself to face this loss.

  The old apartment was just how she and Eli left it: disgusting. Sammi smiled at the thought of the day she found out that Eli still rented this place and ran into him all in the same day. Maybe there had been more fate to their relationship than she had been willing to admit. But thinking about that day reminded her of Shay and how relieved she had been that she didn’t end up shooting Eli’s sister in front of him. She wondered if Shay had received the news in prison of Eli’s passing and realized that Shay would have a whole new reason to want her dead.

  Reliving these memories made Sammi feel good about her decision to stay in the apartment and she spent the rest of that night and all of the next day cleaning the forsaken place. She went out and bought a new bed set, but she washed Eli’s Giants blanket and put it right back on the couch where it belonged. The fridge was gross beyond rescue and had to be replaced, but everything else stayed.