“None.”
“Liar. You’re such a nasty, dirty fucking liar. You’ll saying anything to get into a girl’s pants.”
Stupidly, I let her draw me into an immature yelling match, but it didn’t take me long to realize Jane was strangely silent. She just stood there, looking pale.
I petered off into silence as I stared down at her, feeling my heart sink.
Maybe I’d gotten it wrong.
Maybe I was the only one falling here.
Perhaps I couldn’t compete with years of Lorna telling Jane that only she would ever truly love her. It would’ve been easy for my sister to mess with Jane’s head like that. An orphan who had moved from foster home to foster home, and even when she ended up at a good one, her foster parents didn’t have time for her. Willa and Nick always seemed relieved that my family had enveloped Jane into ours.
A kid who’d had no one since she was seven until Lorna gave her someone.
Fuck.
“Jane?” I whispered.
She glanced up at me and then back to Lorna. “Since we were thirteen, I’ve spent days loving you and resenting you in equal measure. Being grateful to you and resenting you for trying to make me feel like no one could ever love me but you. If it hadn’t been for Skye and Jamie, our friendship might never have survived, Lorna.”
Holy. Shit.
Lorna’s eyes filled with genuine, hurt tears.
I felt that prickle of guilt and protectiveness that I’d always feel as a brother, but I knew Jane needed to say this. And Lorna needed to hear it.
“You think I didn’t know.” Jane’s eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to reach out and hold her, but I refrained. This was about them, not me. “That you used the fact that no one loved or needed me, against me?”
Just like that, any brotherly protectiveness I’d been feeling was decimated as I heard the pain in Jane’s voice.
Anger burned in my throat.
“I … I didn’t mean to do that,” Lorna sobbed. “If that’s the way it came across … I didn’t mean to do that. Not really.”
“Then stop.” Jane took a step toward her. “Please, Lorna. Despite everything, I do love you. But I’m in love with Jamie.” She glanced up at me, and I saw it. I saw all that love for me, and for the first time in my life, I knew what happiness felt like. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” She gave me a shy smile as my heart grew so big, I thought it might explode every-fucking-where.
Then she addressed Lor again. “If you love me the way you say you do, you’ll want me to be happy. You won’t make me choose between my best friend and the guy I’m in love with. And we’ll move forward, treating each other with more respect than we have in the past.”
Silence fell among us, the clock above the mantel ticking so loudly, I wanted to rip it off the wall.
Finally, Lorna wiped the tears off her face and shook her head. Her anger and disappointment were palpable. “I can’t. If I do, I’m saying it’s okay. And it’s not. Because he will hurt you, and then you won’t want to be around us anymore. So, I might as well cut myself off from you now. It’s him or me, Jane. Choose me, and I promise I’ll be a better friend. I promise.”
My fucking sister.
“Lorna—”
Jane lifted a hand and I shut up. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to choose, but if you make me … I’ll choose Jamie.”
With a heartbreaking sob, my sister whirled around and rushed out of the house.
That hurt.
I wanted to run after her.
But the consequent sobs coming out of Jane hurt too. Gathering her up in my arms, I carried her upstairs, feeling her tears soak into my T-shirt. She cried like her heart was breaking, and guilt suffused me. For years, Lorna had been Jane’s family. Was I being a selfish bastard?
See, this was what Lorna did. She turned it all around on everyone else.
Tucking Jane into my side of the bed, I held her until she cried herself to sleep, promising myself she’d never regret making that choice.
At some point, I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, a loud crash jolted me awake.
Jane jerked awake too. “What was that?”
It was dark in the room.
We’d been asleep awhile.
Heart racing, I reached over for my phone and saw it was one in the morning.
“Wait here,” I whispered. “It’s probably just Lorna.”
Except Lorna wasn’t in her room, which was something I’d worry about once I investigated the crash. I was about to head downstairs when I saw a light coming from Skye’s room.
“Skye?” I called out, striding down the hall. The door was wedged open a little, but I knocked anyway. “Skye, you in there?”
When there was no answer, I pushed inside.
My stomach lurched at what I found.
My big sister sprawled motionless on her bedroom floor.
“Skye!” I fell to my knees beside her and felt her skin; it was clammy. She was soaked in sweat. Her head twitched on her neck, her eyes fluttering behind her lids. What the fuck?
“Skye?” I checked her pulse. It was slow and faint. “Jane!” I yelled. “Call 911!”
Fear coursed through my body as I tried to determine what the hell had happened to my sister. I could smell the alcohol on her. Alcohol poisoning? Rolling her into the recovery position, my gaze caught on something on her nose.
I bent over and swiped my thumb over her nostrils, glaring down at the white powder sitting on my skin.
“Skye.” I groaned, tears choking my throat. “Jane!” My voice cracked as I tried to yell.
The door burst open as Jane rushed into the room, the phone pressed to her ear. Her eyes widened. “Oh … it’s my … it’s my boyfriend’s sister … I don’t know.” She looked at me, tears in her eyes. “What happened?”
I shook my head. “I think it’s an overdose.”
“We think it’s an overdose. I don’t … Jamie, what did she take?”
I shook my head. “Maybe coke and alcohol. I don’t know.”
She repeated the words and then rushed out of the room to wait at the front door. An ambulance was on its way.
Everything was a blur as I waited helplessly, hoping Skye would open her eyes and tell me this was just a big joke. Instead, paramedics were suddenly there, pushing me aside and lifting my sister onto a stretcher.
Jane and I followed.
She drove my car.
I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t speak through my fear.
I was vaguely aware of Jane calling Lorna and leaving her a voicemail.
At the hospital, minutes felt like hours. My skin was on fire. Every noise irritated me. My toes curled inside my sneakers as my nerve endings screamed with agitation. Dread was a sickening weight in my gut.
The only thing that kept me from roaring my outrage at the world was Jane’s small hand in mine. She kept me anchored inside my skin. The place where her palm touched mine was the only place that was cool and soothed.
Sometimes she’d whisper reassuring words in my ear, and I’d bend toward her because her breath on my skin was a comfort too. Nuzzling my face into her throat, I stifled frightened tears and wished I could somehow hide inside Jane.
“Skye McKenna’s family?”
I lurched out of the uncomfortable waiting-room chair and dragged Jane toward where the doctor stood. I was barely aware of anyone else or the pain radiating off them as they awaited news of their loved ones.
All I cared about was Skye.
“Skye McKenna?” the doctor asked.
“I’m Jamie McKenna. I’m her brother.”
“You called it in?”
I nodded. “Is my sister okay?”
The doctor sighed. “Mr. McKenna, your sister had a heart attack.”
Jane’s hand tightened in mine while I shook my head, not sure I’d heard right. “What?”
“We found high traces of cocaine in your sister’s blood, along with
high alcohol levels. Alcohol is often used to temper the effects of cocaine because it’s a depressant. Were you aware your sister was using cocaine?”
I shook my head.
No.
But I should have been.
“I was worried about her drinking a while back but I … thought …” I thought she was okay.
I hadn’t been paying attention.
“Will my sister be okay?”
“The drugs and alcohol caused your sister to go into cardiac arrest. She has a recovery period ahead, and I can give you recommendations for rehabilitation facilities. Her road won’t be easy, but your sister can recover from this.”
“She’s okay,” Jane whispered, kissing the back of my hand.
I disagreed. Skye wasn’t okay.
Apparently, she hadn’t been okay for a while.
And I never even noticed.
Guilt wracked through me.
7
JANE
Seventeen years old
As we walked hand in hand through Glendale, I turned to Jamie for the third time and asked him where we were going.
He wore a secretive smile. “You’ll see.”
It wasn’t my birthday until June. It wasn’t his birthday until September. There didn’t seem to be anything to celebrate that required me wearing “my nicest dress.” But that’s what Jamie had asked me to wear, and when he picked me up, he did it wearing a shirt, suit pants, dress shoes, and a tailored, mid-length overcoat Skye had bought him. He’d never worn it until now.
This surprise date was killing me. I had butterflies in my belly.
Strolling through the tree-lined neighborhood a block from the McKennas’ rented Spanish Revival house, I wondered if we had much farther to walk. I’d worn heels and wasn’t used to walking in them. I threaded my arm through Jamie’s and snuggled closer. He smelled like lime and tangerine from his shower wash. “I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be.” He pressed a sweet kiss to my temple. “You’re going to love it.”
“Why the surprise? Have I missed an anniversary or something?”
Jamie’s smile tinged with sadness. “No, Doe. I just wanted to do something special for you. It’s been a rough few months.”
He could say that again.
The important factor in it all was that Skye was doing well. But after recovering from a heart attack at twenty-five years old, it didn’t take much convincing from the three of us for her to go to rehab. Jamie attempted to talk to her, to see why she’d turned to drugs and alcohol. He worried it was the pressure of taking care of him and Lorna at too young an age. Skye was adamant that wasn’t true. She said the drugs were just too readily available during a time when she felt stressed about finding stable work.
Ironically, she got dropped from her current show because she had to go into rehab. Now that she was out, the last few weeks had been difficult. Her agent was struggling to find her work. Jamie had given up his car, and Lorna had agreed to trade hers in for something cheaper.
While Skye reassured them she had savings, Jamie took over managing the household and budgeting their monthly expenses. He also got a job working on campus at a coffeehouse. His coach wasn’t too happy about it, but if he promised not to let it interfere with his training, the guy didn’t give him too much crap.
Following in Jamie’s footsteps, I’d started taking on babysitting jobs. Between looking out for Skye, being with Jamie any minute we both had free, and schoolwork and babysitting, I had less time to think about the fact that school was not a great place to be.
Lorna had frozen me out. She remained a popular girl jock, and I went back to being kind of anonymous. I kept texting Lorna, trying to get her to talk to me. Or at least to Jamie, whom she also wasn’t talking to. Jamie said I was just feeding Lorna’s need for attention, but I didn’t want my former best friend to feel like I’d taken her family from her. Still, she ignored me.
There were kids at school I was friendly with, and I still got asked out occasionally, but as a not entirely social person, things were quiet at school. Lonely, even. Most days that was fine. But there were the days when Lorna’s so-called friends liked to make snide comments about me whenever I was in the vicinity.
I didn’t tell Jamie. There was no point. He’d just get pissed at Lorna when she wasn’t the one saying anything. Whenever Jamie and I were together, I didn’t want to talk about his little sister.
“We’re getting closer.” Jamie tugged on my hand as we rounded the corner and turned left onto North Brand Boulevard. We were in the hub of it all. Restaurants, shops, nightclubs and all.
There was a lot going on here, so Jamie could be taking me anywhere. To dinner? Only fancy places required you to dress up, though, and I thought he was trying to watch what he spent.
Crossing the street, hand tight around mine, I laughed under my breath. “Why does it have to be such a mystery where we’re going?”
“Why not?” He grinned down at me. “Do you really hate surprises that much?”
“Not when you’re giving them.” I knew everything I felt for him was probably beaming out of my eyes. “But with you, I’m impatient.”
His ocean eyes turned a lagoon blue. They always did when something turned him on. “I like that I bring out your impatient side.”
“You enjoy corrupting me,” I corrected him, teasing him.
Yet I wasn’t sure it wasn’t true.
“You’re right,” he agreed, sounding serious. “I like that with everyone else, you’re patient, you’re controlled, calm, you never raise your voice, you’d never hurt a soul … But with me”—he bent his head to whisper in my ear—“you cry, you yell, and you claw my back with your nails.”
I flushed hot, but not from embarrassment.
After the humiliating moment with Lorna when Jamie and I were almost about to have sex for the first time and she busted in on us, life had distracted us from our fast-moving relationship. Skye’s mental and physical well-being became our priority. There was a lot going on, and it made Jamie reevaluate. He was back to wanting to wait until I was eighteen before we had sex.
I didn’t get it. We were doing everything else. What were a few months?
Jamie McKenna had the ability to make me lose my ever-loving mind.
His expression was smug as he pressed a hard kiss to my mouth.
“Watch it,” a woman said as we almost walked right into her.
I threw a “sorry” over my shoulder and Jamie chuckled, wrapping his arm around me as he guided me past more stores.
I knew we were getting closer to wherever it was we were going when Jamie’s strides slowed.
Then he stopped outside the Alex Theatre.
“This is it?” I asked.
He looked a little uncertain as he nodded.
Glancing up at the marquee, I read the signage and understanding dawned.
LOS ANGELES BALLET PRESENTS THE SLEEPING BEAUTY.
The breath whooshed out of my body and emotion thickened my throat. My vision grew a little blurry.
“I’ve still never been to the ballet.”
“One day you will.”
“Are those happy tears or did I fuck up?”
Not caring where we were, I slid my arms around his neck, went up on my tiptoes, and crushed my lips against his. I poured every ounce of love and gratitude I could into that kiss, breathing my very life into it, my soul spilling into his.
We were panting by the time I let him up for air.
“I guess that’s a yes.” He squeezed my hips in his hands, searching my face. “You like?”
“I love,” I whispered, brushing my mouth over his once more. “Jamie, no one has ever cared like you care. I love you so much.”
He groaned and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his face into the crook of my neck as we hugged. After a minute, Jamie lifted his head, caressed my ear with his lips, and said, “There are no words for how much I love you, Jane Doe.”
I’d always hated
my name. For obvious reasons. Not anymore. Not the way Jamie said it.
Grinning, I stared up at the marquee again. “I can’t believe you’re taking me to the ballet.” I side-eyed him. “You’re going to be so bored.”
He took my hand and led me inside. “Bored with you is still my version of bliss, Doe.”
I grinned so hard my cheeks hurt.
After we’d handed over our tickets and were walking into the auditorium, Jamie started laughing.
“What?”
“You’re so fucking adorable.” He squeezed me into his side and kissed my temple again. “If I’d known it would make you this happy, I’d have done it sooner.”
It wasn’t until we were settling into our seats that I realized how great they were. We were in the middle of the first row of the Alexander Terrace that hung over the orchestra section. We had a clear view all the way to the stage.
“Jamie,” I whispered in his ear, “these tickets … the cost.”
He pulled back at me and scowled. “You don’t need to worry about that.”
“But—”
“We’re not talking about it.”
His snippy tone irritated me. “No need to snap.”
Jamie’s answer was to kiss me. Hard, deep, his warm hand clasping my face as his tongue danced with mine. It was incredibly inappropriate in the theater and was one reason it made me so hot. I breathed a little hard as he finally let me up for air. His thumb pulled on my swollen lower lip. “Just let me do something nice for you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You could just say that without getting me all turned on.”
He threw his head back, his chuckle deep and amused. “Someone put you on this planet just to stroke my ego.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Just your ego?”
“Thankfully, no.”
We shared a knowing, heated smile that was interrupted by a couple who were trying to get past us to their seats.
Twenty minutes later, the vibrations from the orchestra below tickled my feet. Goose bumps prickled my skin and I sat tense in my seat, fingers gripped to the arms of the theater chair as I strained to take in everything that happened on stage.
Female dancers in traditional costume with stiff tutus and brocaded, sparkling corsets danced across the stage and into the arms of male dancers who had bodies like Roman sculptures. The dancers’ bodies were machines, honed and muscular, sleek and powerful, and they moved with such grace and elegance, emoting so much with a mere flourish of their arms.
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