Black Tangled Heart

by Samantha Young

That son of a bitch. I curled my lip in disgust.

  Wethers wore a similar look. “He got a new partner two years ago. This guy clocked him. Internal Affairs have been on him ever since.”

  There was no part of me that wanted to like Lincoln Gaines after seeing him kiss Jane, but I couldn’t help it. Jane had been right. Gaines was a good guy.

  “You need to back off Wright. You go poking around while they’re investigating him, you’ll just draw unwanted attention.”

  “You’re sure about this?”

  “Absolutely. That guy is going down, and soon.”

  The uncertainty didn’t sit right with me, but rationally, I knew Wethers made sense. I couldn’t be caught doing illegal shit like planting a bug in a cop’s apartment. It was out of my hands now. A waiting game to see what IA did.

  Feeling a mixed bag of emotions, I thanked Wethers and left his office. If IA took down Wright, then I had my justice. I just had to hope they didn’t fuck it up.

  There was only one person I wanted to see, to tell, so I drove back to the apartment. My phone rang while I was driving, and a New York number popped up. My agent.

  “Are you ignoring my emails?” Susan asked without preamble when I picked up.

  “No.” I wasn’t. I’d just been preoccupied. “Just got some stuff going on.”

  “Well, I need an answer, Jamie.”

  Knowing Susan referred to her phone call of three weeks ago and the subsequent emails, I sighed. A popular streaming service wanted to buy the rights to Brent 29. They had a vision of turning it into a miniseries. Considering my complicated feelings about the TV and movie industry, I’d been dragging my heels.

  Now, though, I had someone else I could talk to about it.

  “I’ll call you back tomorrow with an answer. I promise.”

  “One more day, Jamie.”

  We hung up just as I swung into my space at the apartment complex. I was unclipping my seat belt when the damn phone rang. This time it was my sister’s number. Heart racing, I got out of the car and hit the answer button.

  “Jamie …” The line crackled as she breathed heavily.

  I hurried into the building, stomach roiling as I waited for her to say more. “Well?”

  Taking the steps two at a time, I heard my sister crying. Instinct was to protect, but I held fast to my anger as I let myself into Jane’s apartment. She was sitting at her kitchen counter eating toast, and I lifted a finger to stop her from speaking. Then I hit the speaker button on my phone.

  “Lorna, I’m not going to listen to you cry. It’s not gonna work.”

  Jane’s eyes widened and she dropped her toast to slide off the stool. She’d showered too, her hair still damp, but piled on top of her head in a messy bun. Wearing jean shorts and a tank top, she was so beautiful, it was a sting in my chest.

  Despite my tangled emotions, something in me eased as she sat on the sofa and took my free hand, pulling me down beside her.

  Finally, Lorna’s sniffling stopped. “I’m just … I’m afraid she’s lied to you about me.”

  Jane’s eyes narrowed in outrage, and I squeezed her hand in reassurance.

  “No lies, Lorna. You gave her a letter I wrote to Dad when I was fifteen, and you pretended I wrote it to her. Why the fuck—” I cut off at Jane’s returning squeeze. Looking at her, she shook her head. Stay calm, she mouthed. I took a deep breath. She was right. Losing it on Lorna would only make her hang up. “Why would you do that? You knew I needed her.”

  Lorna was silent so long, I thought she’d hung up. Then, “You couldn’t see it, but I could. She ruined everything. She read Skye’s diaries and gave them to you, knowing how you would react. She should have burned them.”

  Anger boiled inside me. “You really believe that? What about Skye?”

  “What could we do for her now? She’s gone.” Lorna’s voice broke. “We couldn’t reveal what had been done because it wasn’t our story to tell, and she couldn’t give us permission to do that. It would’ve been better to have just left it alone. But, no, Jane had to tell you, knowing what it would do to you.”

  “So you fucked us over?”

  “I didn’t do it to fuck you over. I really believe you’re better off without her. I … I did it for that, and, yes, I did it to hurt Jane.”

  Jane stiffened beside me. She stared at the floor, her cheeks flushed with emotion. Lorna had once been her best friend, her family.

  “Why?”

  “Because … Because I pushed Skye away because of her.” Lorna cried, and this time it sounded genuine. “I was so mad at Skye for not seeing my side of things when you and Jane started dating. It was like Jane came along and gave her the kid sister she’d always wanted. And Jane … I loved Jane, and she chose you over me, Jamie. Do you know how much that hurt?”

  Jane winced and tried to tug her hand from mine, but I wouldn’t let her.

  “Lorna, you know you only felt that way because of Dad. Skye loved you. Jane loved you. You didn’t have to make it a choice. You forced that.”

  “I didn’t force Skye to play favorites, to choose sides. And she did. And I was so mad at her, Jamie, and I pushed her away and then … she died while I was mad at her. I hate myself for that! But what could I do? So I took it out on Jane. I hurt Jane because I couldn’t take it out on myself.”

  Jane pulled away and strode across the room. With her back to me, I could see her trying to get control of her breathing, to calm down.

  I understood. I was struggling myself. “What about me? I’d just had my life stolen, and Jane was the only thing keeping me going. How the hell could you do that to me?”

  “I thought I was doing you a favor.”

  She thought she was doing me a favor.

  Six years of mourning Jane. Hating her. Loving her and hating myself for loving her.

  Never mind the things I’d done and said to her in the last few weeks.

  Things I’d spend the rest of our lives making up for.

  All because my little sister was selfish to her fucking core.

  “We’re done, Lorna.”

  Jane whirled around, watching me carefully.

  I nodded at her in reassurance, my jaw clenched so tight so I wouldn’t say awful shit to my sister I couldn’t take back.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t forgive you,” I admitted. “I’ve had to live six years of my life without the person who makes my life worthwhile. I can’t get those years back and neither can she. We can’t forget how that’s changed us. You did that to us. I’ll never be able to look at you the same way again. I’ll never be able to trust you enough to have you back in my life.”

  “Jamie,” Lorna sobbed. “Please don’t say that.”

  I swallowed down the emotion, hating that it still hurt to hurt her. “Goodbye, Lorna.” I hung up and threw the phone on the table, trying to hold myself together.

  “It’s always something,” I said, my voice hoarse. “The good shines in.” I gazed up Jane. “It shines in so fucking bright, I can’t believe my luck … and then a cloud passes over and puts me back in the shade.”

  Jane crossed the room and I pulled her between my legs, resting my forehead against her stomach, binding my arms tightly around her. Her fingers smoothed through my hair and down my neck, her nails lightly scratching my nape, causing goose bumps to prickle across my skin.

  I held on tighter, breathing her in.

  “One day,” she whispered, “we’re going to have that future we always talked about. A little place in the quiet … somewhere so beautiful that even the shade can’t dull the shine.”

  30

  JANE

  The yellow building gleamed in the morning sunshine. I imagined the owners painted it that color so people would feel happier about entering it to talk about all the shit that made them unhappy.

  I still felt sick as I stared at it. My palms were clammy too.

  Not just because I hated confrontation, but because I intended to ruin Jam
ie’s plans.

  It was a risk, considering I’d only just gotten him back, but I’d had a lot of time to think these last few days and, ultimately, I believed that what Jamie needed more than anything was peace. He needed to move on.

  Although I’d called in sick to work the day of the Lorna phone call, I couldn’t keep doing that. In the following days, I’d gone to work, like always, but when I came home at night, it was to Jamie McKenna. It felt like a little miracle. Sometimes he’d be at his computer, writing … or plotting, maybe. To my relief, Jamie had told me that Ethan Wright was under investigation with Internal Affairs and we’d hopefully hear soon that charges had been filed against him.

  Wright and Kramer were crossed off the list.

  But that didn’t stop the moments when I felt Jamie was somewhere far away, even when he was right there beside me. I knew he still planned to take down Foster Steadman, and I knew he still wanted me to find out what I could about Elena Marshall’s personal life. I wasn’t ignoring his need for closure. I still wanted that for him. However, I was afraid that we’d sacrifice what was important to get it.

  So instead, I distracted him.

  With sex. Hours and hours of sex that should have satisfied a craving but only exacerbated our thirst. We had years to make up for, after all.

  I also distracted him with conversation.

  I wanted to know what I’d missed these past six years and tell him about what he’d missed.

  During those conversations, he asked me for advice regarding adaptation rights to Brent 29. It was my opinion that Jamie should do what made him feel comfortable, but I also explained how I thought the book read like a movie and was ripe for adaptation. I could see how it could be turned into a miniseries, too, and despite my proximity to movies and TV, I still thought it would be cool to see Jamie’s story come to life.

  He told his agent, Susan, that he’d sign the deal.

  The only thing we’d argued about in the last week was Jamie’s refusal to remove the bug from Asher’s car. When I brought it up, he got moody and snapped at me.

  So I stormed out of his apartment and wouldn’t let him into mine.

  “Open the door, Jane,” he said in that dangerously calm tone of his.

  “Not until you discuss this like a grown-up.”

  “I can hardly do that with a door between us. You want to talk about childish?”

  Realizing he was right, I huffed in annoyance and threw the door open. Jamie crowded me back into the apartment, closing the door. His chest pushed into mine, forcing me against the wall where he caged me in.

  My skin tingled with exhilaration even though I was pissed at him.

  “It shouldn’t matter to you what I do to Asher,” Jamie said, his breath whispering over my lips. “He betrayed you.”

  “And I told you that I can’t just switch off my feelings and stop caring about him.”

  His face clouded over. “I don’t want you to care about him.”

  “I’m allowed to care about other people, Jamie.”

  “Not other men!”

  “Don’t yell at me!” I yelled back.

  His eyes flashed. “Stop driving me crazy!”

  “I don’t have sexual feelings for Asher. He’s like a brother. Remove that goddamn bug from his car, or so help me God, Jamie, I will find it and destroy what I’m guessing is a pretty expensive piece of equipment.”

  Jamie’s answer was to slam his mouth down over mine to shut me up. I let him, caught up in the excitement and thrill of just being with him again. We were frantic and needy, him yanking my underwear down my legs, me plucking at the buttons on his jeans.

  Only minutes after the argument I was in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, and he was inside me, screwing me against my living room wall. My gasps and his grunts filled our ears as he took me hard and fast and without mercy.

  The orgasm blew the roof off my head. When the shuddering shivers of climax finally settled, our breaths slowing, I curled my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. His face was pressed to my throat where he’d buried it as he came.

  “Nice try.” I still sounded breathless. “But you’re removing that bug from Asher’s car.”

  Jamie groaned as he lifted his head. He stared at me, sated heat and affection on his face. He kissed me and then whispered, “If it means that much to you, I’ll get rid of the bug.”

  I was pulled from those heated memories by the sight of Elena departing the yellow building. My skin flushed. Not just with my body’s constant readiness for Jamie McKenna but because I was about to do something that might cause another argument between us.

  Or worse.

  I hurried out of my car and across the street to where Elena was getting into hers. “Elena!” I called, stopping her.

  She turned toward me, eyes narrowing in concentration and then widening a little in recognition. “Hi.”

  I stopped in front of her, my heart rate increasing with nervousness. “Hey.”

  “You didn’t join us.” She closed her car door and leaned into it, giving me a patient smile.

  “No, but I wondered if you had time for a quick chat. I’m Jane.”

  Elena’s eyebrows rose a little. “Well, Jane, okay. I was grabbing a book out of the car because I have an appointment soon …” She gestured to the hospital along the street.

  “Another time?”

  “No, we can have a quick chat.”

  I gestured to her car.

  “Okay.” She opened the driver’s side and slid in and I rounded the hood to the passenger side. My heart thundered.

  The AC blew in the small car as I got in, but it was still stifling. Sweat gathered under my arms and behind my knees. I didn’t think it was because of the heat.

  My unlikely companion sat patiently waiting for me to speak.

  I turned to look into her warm brown eyes. “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? Is it cancer?”

  She blew out air between her lips, considering my question. “Does it have to be one thing?”

  “Ouch,” I whispered. “Life been that bad, huh?”

  Her smile was wry but pained. “The worst thing that ever happened to me was losing my daughter. She’s still alive, but she has a drug problem, and no matter how I tried to help her, I somehow just kept pushing her away. What about you, Jane? Your boyfriend, his cancer?”

  I flinched at the lie I’d told and stared out the windshield at the haze on the road. “I’ve had a few. But I guess the worst ones are the ones I still dream about. One sounds stupid because it happens to everyone … but it was the first time a guy broke my heart.” I smiled sadly, remembering the dark days after I thought Jamie had pushed me away. “The second … well, I still have nightmares about it.” I turned to Elena. “Do you know how memories fade over time … like the image loses its sharpness even if the emotion attached to it doesn’t?”

  “I know what you mean, yeah.”

  “This particular memory hasn’t. I still see Skye lying on that bed, clear as day. I still feel the fear that started in my feet as soon as I walked into her bedroom, because I knew she was gone before I even checked her pulse.”

  “Oh, Jane.” Elena grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I am so sorry.”

  “Overdose,” I explained. “Accidental.”

  Sympathy brightened her eyes. “I found my kid like that. I was luckier in the end. She survived. I am so sorry, sweetheart. Was Skye your sister?”

  “A friend. But like a big sister, really. She was my boyfriend’s big sister. He never got over it.”

  “I imagine not.”

  “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” I tugged my hand from hers.

  Whatever she saw in my expression made her flinch. “What do you mean?”

  “I unwittingly abandoned my boyfriend when he needed me. That’s one of mine. I also found and shared with him his big sister’s diaries, where she unloaded all her secrets. Including the fact that this big-shot produce
r had raped her. His name is Foster Steadman. He has a man who works for him called Frank Kramer.”

  Elena faltered, the color leaching from her face. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done, Elena?”

  “Maybe we should continue this another time.” She gestured nervously to the door. “I really need to get to my appointment.”

  I grabbed her by the wrist, my grip tight and unrelenting. “Jamie went to him. Confronted him. He had no idea what Steadman and Kramer were capable of. Like, for instance, paying off a cashier to take a bullet and identify an innocent man for a crime he didn’t commit.”

  She tugged at my hand, her eyes bright. “No … I …”

  “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done, Elena?” I bit out, my fingernails digging into her skin.

  She cried out, her face crumpling as she sobbed.

  I released her, my chest heaving with emotion. “Why? Why did you do that to Jamie?”

  Covering her face with her hands, she shook her head as her shoulders shuddered.

  I waited.

  I waited with more patience than I knew I had in me.

  After what felt like a lifetime, Elena lifted her head, her face splotched, her eyes red and haunted. “I … I’m sorry,” she cried, more tears spilling down her wan cheeks. “I wanted to believe that he was a bad kid. That he’d probably deserved it. I’m so sorry!”

  “Why?” I yelled.

  She flinched, swiping at her tears, her breathing so ragged, I felt a twinge of concern. “My daughter was in trouble. A lot of trouble with some very bad men. A crime family. She owed them a ton of money and when Kramer came to me, I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like fate. I was desperate. But I wasn’t supposed to get shot. That was never part of the deal, but Kramer threatened me afterward. He said he’d hurt my daughter if I didn’t take it all the way.”

  Elena tried to reach for me, but I reeled back from her. She raised her hands, as if approaching a wild animal. “I was just trying to protect my daughter.”

  I understood that.

  I did.

  But I needed her to understand the consequences of what she’d done. “Jamie was innocent. Steadman violated his sister, and he just wanted justice. You helped steal an innocent man’s life. You took away the man I love. He’ll never be the same because of what you helped do to him. You ruined him.” Tears spilled down my cheeks. “I needed you to know that.”