Courage to follow your heart

by Christina Aas

  When she stepped outside Liz could hear happy chatting around her from all the excited students. Her neighbor walked up to her, a rather quiet guy with dark blond hair and brown curious eyes. He greeted himself as Marcus from Germany and they exchanged pleasantries. However, she got the feeling he was interested in knowing more than just her name. He smiled shyly at her as he stuttered something about how nice Sweden was when he had been there on family holidays as a young boy. She had to smile to herself. Apparently I don’t give off enough of a “gay vibe” to scare him off – I’ll have to work on that she thought. For now she just politely smiled back to him and enjoyed the attention in any case. I have to be careful not to give him the wrong impression. But despite me not being interested, it is nice to know that someone at least finds me attractive.

  Marcus sounded genuinely impressed about her aerospace degree and her accomplishments in the student rocket society. He explained that he was here this summer because he had always had a love for space. However, he himself had chosen the safer route and had just finished a master’s degree in statistical mathematics going into his second master’s degree after the summer in analytical finance. His parents had pushed him to join a field where he was sure to get a steady job close to their hometown. But now he was having some second thoughts about settling down back in Germany. He found California to be an amazing location and seemed to have just discovered the thrills of traveling. Liz explained that she had been travelling quite a while, actually as part of her studies, and she would gladly help him pick out cool spots to put on his travel wish list for the future.

  As they walked over toward the ceremony building Felicia and Katie joined them. Felicia wore a sexy dress with some cute high-heeled flip flops. Her v-cut neckline showed off quite a nice set of breasts Liz noted, before quickly looking away. She was like a kid in a candy store; Behave yourself! she mentally scolded herself. Just because you just came out of the closet this late doesn’t give you the permission to stare down every single girl in site. She turned her attention toward Katie instead, who wore a more conservative two-piece suit and had let her hair loose in an adorable hairdo. Katie grabbed her around the waist, “I so look forward to this, I’m curious to see how the rest of the group are. I heard some people were still arriving late last night. Apparently the Chinese group experienced some visa troubles at the border.” “Really? That’s a shame, that’s not a good way to start the summer. I hope they made it here safely at least?” Liz asked with concern in her voice. “I’m sure it all went all right in the end” Felicia responded while twirling her head quickly around to check out all the other students arriving from the housing areas. “Wow, 130 persons is actually a very large group. This is so exciting!” Felicia flung her arms out and grinned widely. The three of them bounced forward toward the open doors.

  ◆◆◆

  Kris lifted her sun shades slightly to read the note at the start of the seat row. Apparently they had sorted everyone by continent and country. She looked further ahead on the seat row and recognized her fellow countrymen. All the Canadians had done a pre-party before everyone travelled south to California, just to get to know each other up front. They had also agreed to host a big party for the student group in honor of the national holiday in Canada this week. She had been assigned the role as head of the party games. This wasn’t really her thing she had to admit, but she wasn’t one to quit on a challenge. So she had collected some ideas from some college parties she thought might serve as interesting entertainment.

  Kris slowly slid past the rest of the students on the row and sat down next to Peter. He was also on the party committee, in charge of getting refreshments. “How’s it going?” she tipped her head at him before she returned to looking straight ahead. “All good here, liking the events of the summer so far. But I have a feeling it’ll get more intense soon. I’ve heard the curriculum is quite tough to get through in time”. Peter’s eyebrows wrinkled and he crossed his arms before looking back at Kris. “But I take it that’s a piece of cake for you right, what with the double PhD program and everything?” Peter winked at Kris. “Well, I’m sure there’ll be plenty to read up on, especially since I’m new to this domain, but I do have some experience with intense studies yes” Kris stated with a hint of seriousness to her tone.

  “Is it gonna be all work and no play this summer then?” Peter raised his eyebrows at her. “You can’t forget to live a little in between though, don’t push yourself too hard” Peter let the gentle advice linger on his tongue while he looked worriedly over at Kris. “Advice taken. I’ll try to get away to do some motorcycle trips, they always relax me when I need it. But otherwise I’m not too interested in many distractions now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for my career, and I don’t intend to waste it, that’s for sure.” Kris’ lip formed a straight line and her eyes stared straight ahead. She crossed her arms and leaned back, indicating the conversation was over.

  Kris let her eyes gaze across the room to take in her surroundings. They were seated in a formal ballroom, with a large stage down in the middle and all the seat rows placed stepwise elevated toward the back of the room. She noted the Asian crowd at the far right, seemingly people from China, Japan and India this year. She made a mental note to walk over and introduce herself afterward. She liked the Asian straightforward culture, and planned to save up enough money after her PhDs to travel across the Asian continent for a few months.

  Hunter spotted the Israeli group hunkered together in the middle on the front row. Most of them knew each other from before, since the majority already worked in the space industry back home. They laughed and pointed at Hunter when she limped toward them. “What the hell happened to you??” Hunter looked embarrassed. “I went for a run last night before going to bed, to shake off the tension in my muscle after the basketball game. But I stumbled over a branch in the dark and hit my leg on a damn rock. So here I am limping on the first day.” Hunter threw her arms in the air. “What an impression to make huh?!” She slumped down into her seat between her colleagues. Jeff, her best friend, sat next to her and poked into her side “So, have you spotted any cute girls here yet?”. “Have you?” she winked back at him. They were both notorious skirt chasers and often went out clubbing together back in Jerusalem. “Sure, the blond girl from South Africa sitting way up there in the back, and the sexy curly-haired one over there from Spain.” Jeff nodded with his hair in the direction he spoke about. “What’s your verdict so far?” he turned back and eyed her curiously. “Well, there’s quite some cute ones here I have to admit, but one girl in particular – she’s driving me crazy. The adorable blondie from Sweden with the amazing blue eyes – I could totally loose myself in those! Unfortunately, though, it seems I have some competition for her. But it’s nothing I can’t take care of” she grinned in return, just as a guy coughed for attention into the microphone.

  “Let’s settle down everyone, we’re about to start the ceremony. Can everyone please stand up while we welcome the Dean of the International Summer School of Space Engineering?” a short bald-headed guy with thick glasses uttered strictly from the middle of the stage. In through the doors walked a typical power-woman, in her late fifties with a stern stride and a confident air about her. “I’m Dr. Hufgaart. Welcome everyone, it’s lovely to have you here in California. And we are happy to announce that every last one of you have arrived safely now. We’re ready to begin this year’s program.” Wow, Liz thought to herself, even the dean of the school is a lesbian. It’s truly incredibly how your eyes open up to the world around once you come out of the dark, narrow closet. Now it’s all bright and shiny. And I can see just how many of ‘us’ there are. It’s fun to spot ‘us’ everywhere, kinda like a secret society somehow.

  After an hour of speeches and program it was time to join the first set of classes. The summer was set up such that everyone had joint classes three times a day for the first four weeks, leading up to a set of group examination tasks at the end of the period. In
the afternoons they had practical sessions, where they would learn all about teamwork through fun exercises. Lunch would be served from 11.45-12.45 each day, and dinner at 6pm. The evenings would be filled with something called culture nights, where each group of students from a certain country would get a chance to introduce their country to the rest of the students. This could for example be done by making typical food dishes, serve traditional drinks and hold a presentation about their country. Liz had been told that Sweden would be due in week 2 of the program, so their group of three students still had some time to arrange the food and drinks from the Swedish embassy. The Canadians also had announced their plans for a huge party on Friday, in honor of their national day. Liz looked forward to seeing Kris in her natural element and to learn more about her culture background. Next Tuesday there would be another big party, in honor of a particular space probe successfully leaving Earth orbit on its way toward Mars. How geeky of us, Liz though, and smiled to herself. It was incredibly to be at a place with so many like-minded people.

  Katie walked up to Liz after their first class. “This weekend we have some time off apparently. There’s only one lecture Saturday morning – that is if we wake up in time after Friday’s party.” Katie laughed heartily and continued. “A bunch of us are thinking of going into San Francisco to celebrate 4th of July at the harbor. Would you like to join us maybe?” Liz smiled in return. “Sure, that sounds great!” Liz was curious to see the infamous San Fran scene, although she doubted there would be any time available to check out the part of the city she was interested in. Even so, it would be great to hang out with a bigger group and experience some of the local events. She had heard that the US spared nothing when it came to fireworks on the big day, apparently they would be able to see flashing lights in all colors and grand shapely figures flare across the night sky. “How do we get to San Francisco then?” Liz looked over at Katie. “We can take this tram thing they have going up every 30 minutes apparently, shouldn’t take too long.” Katie shrugged her shoulders before smiling at Liz. “Do you wish your boyfriend could see some of these things with you? It must be hard to be so far away from him huh?” Liz asked carefully while she peered over at Katie. “Well, we’re kinda used to being far away. I studied in a different city than him, and Australia is such a big country, so a different city means a five hour’ flight between us.” Katie looked down at her feet. “Ah” Liz didn’t know what to say. “That’s had to be tough, I know I would struggle for sure with the long distance thing. But you guys have been together a really long time right?” Katie looked up, a strained expression in her face. “You learn to manage, and over time you get used to it. We have indeed been together for quite some years now.” Liz looked over at a group of students walking past them on their way to the canteen. “How is it to be together with the same person for so many years? I’ve never experienced anything longer than three months myself, but I imagine you kind of get into a dependable life routine. Must be nice to be so comfortable with one person, that you wanna spend all your time with them?” Liz looked curiously over at Katie, but noticed Katie’s expression seemed somber. “Or, maybe since you’ve been so long apart you haven’t experienced it like that yet. Sorry, I’m so insensitive for even bringing it up.” Liz fiddled with her hands and looked down. “Sorry! I’m just so curious, I want so badly to find someone myself that I can feel like that with. I didn’t think that maybe different people experience it differently.” Katie’s expression softened and she smiled a sad smile toward Liz. “And you should keep dreaming about that special someone. But it’s not always as you envisioned. Don’t let your expectations get in the way of your opportunities.” Katie looked away, out across the horizon, while she remained silent in thought.

  Liz sensed their conversation had come to a natural pause and decided for a distraction. “You hungry? Want to join me for lunch now?”. Katie shook off her melancholy. “Sure, let’s grab my friend Tinka too.” Katie waved toward someone behind here. “Tinka, who’s that?” Liz curiously eyed her. “She’s a girl I met this morning at the ceremony, very nice girl from Finland. She’s a bit younger than us, studying to have her bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering – apparently she’s one of only two girls in her entire class!” Tough girl, Liz thought to herself before smilingly replying. “Cool! Let’s ask her and walk to the canteen then.”

  They entered the doors to the canteen. “Puh, finally some cool air” Liz sighed in relief before she grabbed a tray and walked over toward the food preparation area. “Everything looks so good” Tinka exclaimed happily while her brown shoulder-length hair bounced around her shoulders and she bent down to reach for the salad bar. “Yeah, I know. Not sure what to pick actually. Maybe I’ll just try one section of the canteen each day until I slowly have gone through it all.” Liz pointed her hand at the vast selection. “The feeling of not having to cook for myself for an entire summer is simply fantastic!”. When Liz turned around to continue evaluating the assortment of food available she couldn’t help but notice someone staring at her from the far left. She slowly turned her face in the direction of the curious eyes and found to her surprise a woman in her late thirties who operated the cashier bluntly checking her out while sending her the most flirtatious look.

  Hmm, interesting woman Liz found herself thinking, and apparently not at all afraid of showing how she feels. Liz noticed how the woman’s eyes grazed slowly across every part of her body, making Liz uneasy of the very direct attention. The cashier had long blond hair tied up in an efficient pony tail which showed off her high cheek bones and flirtatious smile. Liz blushed under the intense focus and quickly looked away. When she slowly returned her gaze in the woman’s direction she found a pair of eyes winking back at her with a huge grin below them. Damn, she’s really flirting with me. Me. It’s not in my head or just a woman being polite or anything. She’s actually flirting, and with me. Hmm… Liz had never thought she would be the center of such attention.

  Liz walked over to the cashier to register her food. They did not have to pay, since the whole summer was covered by the different national space agencies. For her this meant the Swedish space agency as she had won one of three grants available to Swedish students. But they still had to register at the cashier which food items they had selected.

  “Hey cutie! How do you like California so far?” the cashier looked intriguingly upon Liz. Liz coughed nervously, before she dared to look back at the woman. “Ehm… It’s nice and sunny.” Liz answered politely. “I’m not so used to this heat yet, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time” Liz nervously shifted her hand around her food tray. “Where are you from then?” the cashier asked while gently stroking her hand over Liz’ hand to reassure her. Liz peered quickly down at her hand before replying “I’m from Sweden, but I’ve been living in the Netherlands until this summer” she shyly looked back up again. The cashier winked at her, “Do all the girls in Sweden look as beautiful as you?”. “I… I don’t know” Liz stuttered. Oh my god, this is too much. How do I get out of this? I need to leave, now! Liz looked up at the woman again. “Did you register my meal?” The woman seemed a bit perplexed, but she nodded in return. Liz looked around and pretended to see some people she needed to speak with. Just as the woman opened her mouth to continue the conversation, Liz started walking away.

  Kris grabbed her tray and looked around to see what the canteen had to offer. Looked like it was a pretty decent selection, better than the army canteen she had to endure during her year as enlisted in the Canadian outskirts. Not only had it been freezing cold as they were hunkered down in the middle of nowhere, but the coffee had tasted like slug and the food had been the one thing to avoid. She remembered she had lost about fifteen pounds that year. Somehow she imagined that would not be a problem this summer, when she slowly took in the delicious food surrounding her. But as her eyes were traversing the location her ears picked up on the conversation taking place by the cashier.

  Was that the cute blond gir
l over there? Yes, it seemed so, and the cashier was seriously hitting on her. Damn, this girl is like a magnet for attraction. Do everyone have a thing for this girl?!, Kris thought annoyingly. She couldn’t help but let her eyes slowly take in the beauty of the girl standing across the room. Her blond wavy hair fell down her shoulders and gracefully embraced her stunning blue eyes, drawing Kris in like a magnet even when she wasn’t looking at her. Her light summer dress fit perfectly to her slim curves and showed off all her features in the best possible way. Especially the girl’s breasts were accentuated beautifully when her dress hugged them slightly while flirtatiously bouncing off and curving down across her hips and behind. Kris forced herself to look the other way and focus on the food selection instead. You just broke up with your girlfriend. You don’t need anything new right now, what you need is to focus on your career this summer!

  Liz stepped out from the canteen into the glowing heat of the sun and shielded her eyes while they got used to the bright sunlight. “Hey Liz, join us!” she heard from behind her. She shifted her head in the direction of the male voice and found Erik waving at her, with Bryan sitting next to him. She smiled before walking toward them. “Hey guys! Have you recovered from our match yesterday?” she asked jokingly while sitting down at their table, knowing they hadn’t been too happy about losing that game. “Ahem, not really. But we’re all about moving forward, you know, and being the better persons. So we’re gonna let this one slide and aim for our next victory instead” they smirked in return. “Good game plan guys” she laughed back before taking her fork and pushing it into the pasta dish she had selected for lunch today.

  “So, you’re ready for the Canada party this Friday?” Erik asked before biting into his piece of bread. “Is there anything to be ready for?” Liz asked with a slight nervousness in her voice. Bryan replied, “Only that rumor has it that the Canadians apparently know how to through epic parties, and we should expect nothing less of tomorrow’s event”. “Aha, so I should get ready for some hard liquor and unforgettable moments?” Liz asked grinningly. “I’m sure I can manage”. Bryan looked seriously at her. “You better, you don’t want to give the impression to the rest of the class that you can’t hold your liquor or don’t know how to have fun” Bryan took a sip of his water and winked at her. “By the way, what was that whole thing with the cashier lady in there?” Erik poked into Liz’ side and nodded his head toward the entrance of the canteen. “You saw that?” she asked incredulously. “I couldn’t help not see it, she was kinda being obvious in her flirting with you.” Erik raised his eyebrow toward Liz. “Wouldn’t have taken her for a lezzie though” he noted. Liz almost coughed up her food and had to struggle to keep her posture straight. She felt her cheeks start to burn up. What do I say? she worryingly thought to herself. Apparently, he hasn’t figured out I’m playing for the opposite team yet. “I was kind of taken by surprise myself, didn’t really expect her to flirt with me” Liz swallowed heavily before looking away and down into her plate of food. She hoped the topic would go away, that they would focus on other things instead. Why is this so difficult? Liz sadly thought to herself.