Courage to follow your heart

by Christina Aas

  Dean looked around. The smell of sterile equipment brought back painful memories to when their mom had been hospitalized for her sudden brain bleed. He had never wanted to experience anything like that again, and here his sister was living through a never-ending nightmare. His heart ached at the thought. The room was filling up with family members of some of the American students from nearby. The international students were from too far away for their families to get here easily. The nervous chatter filled the air, worry in everyone’s hearts. Dean shifted his eyes across the room to the television screen hanging off the wall. The news was starting up and he noticed the logo of the summer program being displayed behind the announcer. Dean stepped over to the television to turn the sound up. “A tragic accident has occurred today on US Highway 101, south of San Jose.” The television woman spoke loudly and several eyes shifted their focus toward Dean and the television, stepping closer.

  “Twelve rental cars from the International Summer Space School were involved in a massive car accident. The driver of a truck carrying several large tanks of palm oil dosed off at the steering wheel and the truck ended up in the opposite lane, crashing head on with the column of twelve vehicles. The oil spilled out and caused the asphalt to become as slippery as wet ice, making the cars unable to break to avoid the crash. There was a massive pile up with several casualties in the first vehicle and severe injuries to the passengers in the following vehicles. All the injured persons have been brought to the Regional Medical Center in San Jose, with 22 of the most severely injured students in the intensive care unit.” The television showed a drone view of the hospital they were in. “Now we give the word over to Rick, who has the dean of the summer school with him. “Rick, you there?” The television shifted to the office of Dr. Hufgaart, at the campus area. “Yes Eleanor, I’m here with Dr. Hufgaart, the dean of the summer program. Dr. Hufgaart, this is an extraordinary tragedy your school is facing today. How are you all coping with this?” The bearded man pointed his microphone in front of Dr. Hufgaart, who looked tense. “We have set up a trauma center in the main hall, where a team of professional psychologists have arrived to be available for anyone who would like to talk. We have called all the emergency contacts and family members of the sixty students involved in the accident. And of course we have cancelled the remainder of the summer program. Right now our thoughts and prayers are with the families who have lost their dearly beloved or are watching them fight for their lives in the intensive care unit. We feel terrible for the pain and suffering these families are forced to go through, and we will do everything in our power to support them as best we can.”

  Dean heard several of the family members in the waiting room begin to sob. He turned the volume of the television down and shifted his focus over to the people surrounding him, leaning on their loved ones. Dean stepped back across the room to Kris. “Can I get you anything, a cup of coffee maybe, or a bottle of water?” Kris just shook her head and stood frozen in her position. Dean gently laid his hand on her arm and squeezed it briefly.

  The door of the waiting room opened and Jeff, Tinka, Hunter and Marcus entered. They had been cleared by the hospital staff in the emergency room as having no injuries from the accident and were free to go. The group looked around at the desperate families in the ICU waiting room, families they hadn’t met yet, but felt they somehow knew through the friendship they’d enjoyed over the summer with their loved ones. Tinka spotted Kris, and nodded in her direction. “Hey, there’s Kris. Shall we go and ask if she knows any updates?” Jeff nodded in agreement, and grasped Tinka’s hand while they walked over. Hunter stayed in the background, with Marcus.

  Jeff stepped up to Kris, but when he saw she had her focus locked on some remote location far in the distance, and didn’t seem to notice their arrival or much of anything, he shifted his focus to Dean standing next to her. “Hi…” Jeff put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Have you heard anything, any updates?” Dean peered over at Kris, before he replied, quietly. “The last we heard is that Katie, right?” Dean stopped to confirm he remembered her name right. Tinka nodded fiercely, so Dean continued. “Katie has multiple fractures in her ribs and needs breathing support for now, since they discovered blood in her lungs. Bryan, her boyfriend I believe, came better off. He just has a broken arm. The other guy in the backseat of the same car, Erik I think, he has a broken leg. Felicity, no, Felice?” Dean halted uncertainly. Tinka interrupted. “Felicia you mean?” Dean smiled gratefully at her. “Ah, yes, that was it. Felicia was sitting between Bryan and Erik, she was banged up pretty bad, but miraculously no broken bones somehow.” Dean paused, and swallowed. He noticed the curly haired girl behind Jeff seemed to stare at him intensively, apparently very interested in the updates. “But Liz” Dean glanced over at Kris, before he lowered his voice further. “Liz sat in the front passenger seat and suffered the worst injuries. She’s still in a coma, and the doctors don’t know when she’ll wake up, or if ever. She punctured both her lungs, and has several complex fractures in her legs and right arm. But the worst is her head injury, it’s pretty bad.” Dean winced. Jeff patted him on his shoulder. “Thanks for the update Dean. I guess there’s nothing much more to do than just wait here for more news later.” Jeff shrugged his shoulders, before he looked around the room for a vacant seat for him and Tinka.

  Hunter cautiously looked up at Kris. She looks like she’s in so much pain. Hunter grimaced. She walked up to Kris and paused before she raised her hand to squeeze her shoulder, but she stopped midair and regretted her move. She carefully put her hand down again and stuffed them both deep in her jeans pockets. Hunter cleared her throat. “I’m sorry to hear about Liz. We’re all thinking of her, of you both. If there’s anything you need” Hunter paused. She noticed no movement whatsoever in Kris, she just stood frozen on the ground seemingly not caring about anything at all. “Well, I don’t wanna bother you, just wanted to let you know that we’re all here, okay?” Hunter lingered for a second, before she slowly turned back toward Jeff and Tinka, who had found a few available seats in the back corner of the room. Marcus had gone to get them all some coffees.

  Kris stared at the changing colors of the television screen. She had barely noticed the others arriving, but her vision remained blurred. Nothing remained in focus, and her thoughts kept shifting chaotically around. They flipped through different memories from the summer, but always switching back to the bloody scene from the car crash when Liz was being pulled out of the crumbled vehicle. Kris shivered. Why didn’t I realize what I had when I had it? Kris clenched and unclenched her fists. She bit her jaw tight and stared angrily ahead.

  Dean noticed his sister tense up and tremble. He looked worried across to her, then he shifted his gaze around the room. It was filled with sorrow, people crying, scared and worried. This is no place to stay. We need to get away from here. Dean put his hand around his sister’s shoulders and whispered in her ear. “Let’s get out of here for a little while. We could do good with some fresh air, okay?” Kris didn’t respond. Dean decided he would take action anyways, and he pulled his sister gradually toward the exit of the waiting room. Eventually she began to move in his direction, and follow his lead. The two of them stepped outside into the night sky.

  Dean noticed Kris was still lost in her own thoughts. He looked around the abandoned hospital parking lot, and noticed their motorcycles on the far end. “Let’s go for a drive. I could use some fresh coastal air by now.” He began to walk in the direction of their motorcycles, and miraculously Kris followed behind him.

  Kris seemed to wake up a bit once she swung her leg across the bike seat and put on her helmet. Her eyes finally came back into focus and she resumed the fierce look he was used to. Dean smiled to himself before he put his own helmet on. “Which way should we drive to get to the coast?” Kris pointed out the parking lot and in the southeast direction. Dean nodded in agreement and twisted the key to start the engine. They both revved their engines before they sped out of the hospital p
arking lot.

  As soon as they were out on the open highway it was as if several tons of weight lifted from Kris’ shoulders, and she took a deep breath. She realized she hadn’t really been breathing all afternoon, ever since she had first seen the semi-truck crash into the rental cars. She shifted her gaze out across the horizon. It was a beautiful clear starry sky and few cars on the road. Under different circumstances these would be perfect driving conditions, but for now it served as a nice distraction from the painful uncertainties back at the hospital.

  Kris signaled to her brother when they saw the sign for the Seal Cove exit. They both squeezed the breaks and slowly turned their bikes to follow the exit lane. The asphalt cover gradually changed to gravel and the road became more and more isolated, only surrounded by a few rocks in the end. They stopped when they reached the end of the road, an open turning point facing the coastline. After putting the motorcycles in neutral and turning the ignition off, they tilted them both to their support stands and twisted the steering wheel to lock the bikes in safe position.

  Kris removed her helmet, shook her head to release her hair and drew a deep long breath of the fresh humid coastal air. The temperatures had dropped to a refreshing cool level, but it was still warm enough with only a leather jacket. Dean stretched his arms behind him. “Ah, this cool breeze feels good. The air in that waiting room was beginning to get too stuffy for me, I just had to get away for a bit.” Kris nodded and hung her helmet on the steering wheel before she walked toward the end of the open gravel parking space. Dean followed. “What’s on your mind sis?” Kris simply stared out toward the blackness. The only sound around them were the ocean waves crashing against the cliffs beneath. “I’m just wondering how I got here. I feel like life keeps throwing all this shit at me.” Kris clenched her fists again. Dean spit on the ground. “Yeah, I know. You’ve been dealt some pretty crap cards lately. But I’m positive this time it’s gonna have a good ending. I have a good feeling about Liz, she’s gonna come around again. You just wait and see.” He pushed his hands down into his jeans pocket and pulled out a joint. Kris looked briefly over at him. “I’m just not sure I’m ready for all of this, you know?” She looked out across the vast blackness again. Dean nodded, before he grabbed his lighter from the other jeans pocket.

  Dean sucked in while he lit up the joint. He drew a deep first puff and the butt end of the joint glowed in the darkness. He passed it over to Kris. “What are you not ready for? Do you even really have a choice in the matter? Hasn’t your heart already kinda chosen for you?” Kris grabbed the joint and placed it between her lips before she drew a deep breath. “I guess I’m just frustrated with everything. This summer was about focusing on my career, moving on from being stuck in a relationship going in a direction I wasn’t ready for. I didn’t wanna settle down yet, I didn’t wanna have kids and buy a house and all that. I just wanted to finish my PhD’s and find a really good postdoc, preferably here in the Valley.” Kris grimaced as the bitter smoke settled in her lungs. She handed the joint back over to Dean. “Is it still only about the PhDs and your career? Haven’t all the events this summer given you a new perspective to it all?”

  Dean followed Kris’s look out across the black noisy ocean. They both remained silent and watched as the emerging moon made its way on top of the ocean crests. Kris appreciated the moment of quietness. It felt like ever since she had seen Liz being pulled out of the wrecked vehicle, all bloody and lifeless, she had been caught in a chaotic whirlwind, standing still in time, just tossing her violently back and forth, aimlessly without end. When Kris thought of the way Liz’ hand had felt in hers, lifeless and without any strength left, she found herself shivering. Something tickled her on her cheek, and she wiped the back of her hand across it only to find it moist afterward.

  Dean looked over at his silently crying sister, trying desperately to suppress her emotions. “Why are you fighting your feelings so hard?” he shot her a worried glance, before he pushed both his hands back down into his pockets. “You’ve put up this invisible shield all around you, and you won’t let anything or anyone get through.” Dean kicked a small rock away with the tip of his shoe. “Is it because of dad? Is it because everyone has always said you’re so alike him, that you think you’re also like him when it comes to not letting yourself be loved and dare to love in return?” Kris avoided his look and kept staring straight ahead, quiet. Dean lowered his voice slightly before he continued. “If it makes any difference at all, I like her, a lot. She seems like a tough girl, and very bright. I think she would be good for you. Someone who finally challenges you a bit, someone you can respect and admire.” Finally Dean saw a smile creep across Kris’ lips. “Yeah, she sure is something, huh?” Kris laughed, a first in forever. “She’s already forced me to be a better person, and it’s only been a few weeks.”

  Dean poked his sister in her side. “You see, perfect for you. Finally someone who can teach you some manners.” He grinned widely while he laughed to himself. Kris playfully punched him in his stomach. “You idiot” she laughed with him. They both just stood there, laughing and forgetting about time and the world in general.

  “What do you think mom would’ve said?” Kris stopped laughing and looked over at her brother. He swallowed and took a breath. “I think she would’ve urged you to stop thinking with your brain, and start listening with your heart instead. And I think she would’ve told you that deep inside you already know the answers, if you dare to look for them.” Kris bit her bottom lip and looked deep in thought. Dean shifted his focus up at the blossoming starry sky ahead. “Wow, it’s absolutely gorgeous. We don’t get such skies in the city, I had almost forgotten how many stars there actually are out there. Damn. Stunning!”

  Kris raised her head and looked up just as a bright star shot beautifully across the sky.

  Chapter 23

  Her eyelid twitched. A piercing stream of light forced its way through the crack. A wave of pain rolled through her body, spreading across her chest, down her arms and into her fingertips. She tried to open her mouth and make a sound, but her lips were stuck together. Her tongue felt like a cotton swab, attracting any droplet of moisture in her mouth. Liz felt her head begin to pound, intensively. It felt as if someone had placed a jackhammer on top of her skull and it kept repeatedly launching stabs of attack. Where am I? What happened? Liz tried desperately to clear her mind, but it was as if it was stuck inside a deep swamp. Every movement of thought was a fight for life.

  Liz heard a beeping alarm somewhere nearby, and shortly afterward something really heavy felt like it was crushing her arm. In reality it was a nurse laying her arm very gently on Liz to check her pulse. Liz heard a sound reminding her of a gush wind of air, and suddenly the pain across her body subsided. Wow, that feels nice. Someone placed a straw on her lips and helped her separate them barely enough to fit the straw between. The moist drops of water coming out of the straw spread quickly inside Liz’ mouth and helped remove the cob web. The knives cutting at her throat for every breath she took slowly became smoother and subsided away. “Mmm” Liz uttered her first word of sound.

  Kris felt a vibration pulsate inside her jeans pocket. She reached her hand down to grab her phone. It was an unknown number. She looked confused down at her phone, before she decided to pick it up. “Yes?” An older woman spoke in the other end. “Is this Kristine Adams?” Kris frowned and looked over at Dean. “Yes, this is she. Who’s calling?” Kris turned her back to the ocean to shield her phone from the wind disrupting her hearing. The woman replied. “This is nurse Wendy, at the Regional Medical Center, in San Jose. You’re listed as a contact person for miss Liz Skarsgaard.” Kris tensed her shoulders and laid her other arm over the phone to try to improve the sound of the conversation. “Yes?” Kris shot Dean a worried look.

  “I just wanted to call you to let you know that miss Liz just woke up from her coma. The doctors are still assessing her condition, but we wanted to inform you meanwhile.” Kris felt as if her heart sto
pped. She forgot to breath for a second, and just stood frozen on the ground. “Are you still there?” the woman on the phone asked. Kris coughed and gasped for air again. She cleared her throat. “Ah, yes, sorry. How is she?” Dean stared at his sister, trying to gesture a question with his body language, but Kris ignored him. She focused back on the phone conversation. “I’m not at liberty to share pasient confidential data over the phone. But we would recommend that you come here to the hospital where more information will be available.” Kris nodded, before she remembered that the woman could not see her. “Okay, thank you for the information. We’ll be there soon. Bye.” Just as Kris were hanging up, Dean urgently requested. “Was that the hospital? Was it news about Liz? What’s happened?” Kris tried to calm him down with her arms. “Slow down, okay? Yes, it was a nurse at the hospital. But she couldn’t say much over the phone, only that Liz has woken up at least. She recommended we return to the hospital for more information.” Dean grinned widely. “So what are we waiting for?” He turned toward the motorcycles and began walking, before he turned and looked back at his sister to wave her toward him. “Come on sis, let’s get moving!”

  Marcus rolled Felicia into Liz’ room in her wheel chair. Jeff and Tinka followed suit, holding hands with Tinka clamoring onto Jeff. Erik limped after on crutches. Hunter entered last, hunched shoulders and a grave expression. Liz looked around at the group of friends surrounding her hospital bed. She felt a sudden strike of fear shoot through her whole body, and she shivered. “Where’s Kris?” She looked around at the injured gang. “And where’s Katie and Bryan?” Jeff stepped slightly forward. “Kris left with her brother a few hours ago, I think they went for a drive to get some air.” He looked a bit uncomfortable before he continued. “Katie was also pretty badly injured, and she’s been on life support for a while now. Bryan is sitting with her.” Felicia poked him and rolled forward. “Actually, I was just in her room and she too has come off life support again and seems to be doing much better now” Felicia smiled widely, and the smile spread around the room. Liz sighed happily. “That’s very very good to hear.” She relaxed her shoulders slightly, before her brows furrowed again. “But what about the rest of the cars, how are the other students in our group?” Erik shifted in the back, and Jeff swallowed heavily. Felicia looked down.