Rock Star

by Kathi Goldwyn

  I got the bus, moved dates, and just wanted to fall on the bed in a heap of exhaustion. I hired necessary staff. I hoped Callie came by our room soon. I wanted to tell her all the good news. I finally finished, collapsing on our bed. My brain, frazzled from so much thinking.

  I was snoring, in dreamland before my head hit the pillow. Just before lights out, my last thought of the day was about Callie. I hoped she’d make it to bed tonight sometime soon.

  I needed to cuddle with my girl. I needed her snuggled up close to me, nose stuck up under her ear, and the comfort of her arms.

  Chapter 37

  MKS

  Dearest Callie,

  I haven’t seen you in a week.

  How are your parents?[SO23]

  #yournumberonefan

  Chapter 38

  Callie

  Fucking A, Hunter kicked ass as a manager. He had everything handled. I had nothing to worry about. Daddy was doing well. The doctors were pleased with his progress. And mama...well, we still hoped for the best. Hunter had been my hero, he handled everything business related. And his support emotionally, to get through all this shit was immeasurable.

  I had been getting fan mail since way back when. Once I had made a name for myself locally, the mail started arriving on the regular. I loved these missives! I mean, it’s what really inspired me. Having fans that took the time to write me felt amazing. I kept them all in my keepsake box in the van. I answered the ones I could, too.

  Hunter had just dropped off a handful of fan mail. Some were written on beautiful stationery while others just jotted on lined sheets. There was one girl who had written me since my first show. I really had no clue who it was, or if it was a he or she, but I liked to think it was a woman. She called herself my number one fan. I thought it was adorable. When I was home, sometimes I’d lock myself away and sift through all these letter’s just to get a boost, an ego boost. Sometimes I needed that shot in the arm. But that’s why I did this activity alone. I didn’t want anyone to know how weak I could feel at times, trying to stay focused on my end game. But reading over these cheerful notes could give my self-esteem a lift, and I could face another day on stage.

  Because sometimes my confidence waivered. Sometimes the self-doubt crept inside, and I had to battle to find my courage to face another show. As much as I believed I was destined for greatness, some days it didn’t feel as simple as that. The doubt wasn’t something I had to deal with often, but my self-esteem could take a beating, and that’s when I wasn’t as sure of myself.

  Look at what fucking happened, right? Everything was incredible, we were getting rave reviews, and Hunter had become my main man. He made me the happiest woman alive. Not only was he a fantastic manager, but he became more. I kind of laughed at how he used to fight it, I mean, fight us.

  Then everything got so fucked up with my parents. This crash was so hard to absorb. They were depending on me for the first time in my life. I knew this from the bottom of my heart. They needed to know that Gaby was safe with me. I had to take him with us on the bus. No one else could give him the stability he needed while they recuperated or give them the comfort that he was taken care of properly. It had to be me. It just did, and that was the final word on that.

  But there’s the rub. We were only halfway through this tour. At the end of the day, I was exhausted. Travelling like that town to town was exhilarating but really wore me out. Now I had to be his full-time caretaker too? What the fuck? I mean, how was I going to rise to the occasion? I was a rock and roll singer, not a mama. I had to step in for my mom, though. I had to figure it out so he would feel safe. I’d rather just quit and go home for now, but I couldn’t. There were contracts and legal shit, and I just couldn’t break all that crap up. I definitely didn’t even want to try.

  “Babe, you can do it,” Hunter tried to reassure me.

  “I don’t know how to take care of a baby. I’m not made for it. You know what I mean?” I whispered, feeling oh-so-guilty.

  “We’ll do it together, babe. Gaby needs us. We can’t walk away from this,” Hunter said, shaking his head.

  “I know, but I’m scared.” I was being straight up honest for sure.

  “Come here. Tenny is gonna ride on the bus with us. Gaby’s going to love her. You’ll see, it won’t be so bad. Maybe it’ll even be fun?” Hunter folded me into his arms, and I melted right against him. He had such broad shoulders, and I was going to need to lean on him to get through all this. “She’s cool. I think you're going to like her.”

  “Okay, we’ll get through it. I love Gaby. I don’t want him going to someone he doesn’t know.” I leaned further into Hunter’s body and sighed. I knew it was how things needed to be. I just had to trust we could make it work. I was starting to believe with Tenny’s help, we could get through the rest of our dates.

  Poor, sweet Gaby. He didn’t deserve any of this. I really was worried about him. But he would be with me. I was going to protect my sweet, baby brother.

  Chapter 39

  MSK

  My head pounded boom boom boom Hits the wall.

  My head hurt boom boom boom

  Lay down, lay down, lay down.

  Chapter 40

  Hunter

  Everything was set. I’d finalized all the details, and we were ready to get back on the road and forge an amazing roadmap for Callie’s success. It looked like we could leave in a couple of days. Callie’s parents were hanging in there. They both wanted to go home badly. We were all antsy.

  My phone rang and I grabbed it. “Morning, Hunter,” Tenny said brightly.

  “Hey, glad you could meet up with us here. I think we’ll be leaving in two days, but I wanted you to have time to settle in and get to know our little guy. Can you come to the hospital? You can meet him, actually, meet everyone,” I asked, hope rising in my chest. I thought this was the best thing for Gaby. He needed to get to know Tenny now before we started relying on her.

  “Sure, I’ll be over in an hour. I just got to the hotel, and I want to take a shower first.” Tenny explained. Of course, I didn’t mind. I let Callie know she was here, and her mom couldn’t wait to meet her either. “I hope you’re good with that.” Tenny added.

  “Okay Tenny, just come to the hospital and ask for Keri Jenson. They’ll direct you to her room. We’re all in here,” I said, trying hard not to sound too business like. This was going to be a whole different thing for us, and I wanted to handle the situation perfectly.

  “I’ll see you in a bit.” Tenny hung up quickly. Well, she didn’t waste any words, now, did she? I hoped we all bonded as a group.

  I went back into the hospital room. Gaby napped, lying on his mother’s bed, and Callie was sitting next to her father. I didn’t see Marko or Ted anywhere.

  “Hey, where are your Doves?” I whispered, my eyes taking a quick sweep of the room.

  “They went to get some lunch off campus. I’m so sick of hospital food. I asked them to get burgers for everyone. I told them to get you a cheeseburger. Is that okay?” Callie stood up and walked over to me. She slid her arms around my neck. I bent down and kissed her neck, right below her ear. I smelled her sweet scent and for a moment got all fuzzy with love.

  “Thank you, that sounds delicious. Tenny’s here. She’s coming over in an hour. Are you excited to meet her? We’re going to get to know her well over the next couple of months. I sure hope Gaby likes her.” I squeezed her and kissed her delectable lips.

  “I really hope he does too. Well, I think you did everything right. Thank you for working so hard. I can’t wait to meet her,” Callie said. I could feel her lips tip up in a smile.

  “I’m going to go stretch my legs. Text me when they come back. I hope we have time to eat before she gets here.” I chuckled, thinking of how it would look if I had a burger stuffed in my face when Tenny showed up. Not really very professional. It made me chuckle.

  By the time I got the text from Callie, Burgers are here, my stomach was grumbling something fierce
. I rushed to the room just as Ted started laying out all the food.

  “Here’s a cheeseburger for you, dude.” He offered me a tissue-wrapped item, grease dripping from the thin paper. The smell made my stomach rumble loudly. That greasy, cheesy smell got me every single time, and I couldn’t wait to dig in.

  Bob and Keri had their burgers laid out on their laps. They were so happy to have something besides hospital food for lunch.

  Ted, Marko, Callie and I sat at the round table in the room. It wasn’t very big but there was enough space to spread out.

  I dipped my fry into the ketchup and said as I moaned,“After Tenny meets us, don’t you think it would be a good idea if she takes Gaby for a walk? Does he have a stroller or something?” I looked over at Callie, my eyebrows raised up to my scalp.

  “Good idea.” Callie took a huge bite of her burger, and the juices dripped from her chin. Now that the emergency was over, we were all starving from not enough food and too much coffee. “I don’t know where his stroller is, though. We might have to buy him one. We could send Tenny to do that, right?”

  “Hey, come here,” I chuckled and wiped her chin with a napkin. Callie giggled, and for one perfect moment we felt normal. Life felt normal. Just this tiny reprieve from the fucked-up shit we’d been dealing with since we got here.[SO24]

  “Yep, I’ll ask her to go buy one. One of those combo baby seat and stroller ones. We need it anyway. Maybe she should do a big shop for him today. He needs lots of things for the bus, right?” I started making a list of things for her to get Gaby, Callie added her suggestions.

  Tenny popped her head into the room, “Hey everyone, I’m here. Hi Callie, nice to meet you.” She put her hand out, and they shook, looking each other over like women do with a bit of suspicion. She seemed relaxed and even happy to be here. She was going to be our saving grace. I didn’t want Callie to worry a thing about Gaby, especially while she was on stage.

  “Hi Tenny, I’m Hunter.” We shook hands, and I could feel the great energy surrounding her. She was really cute, with a button nose and dimples when she smiled. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a short ponytail, bangs hitting her eyebrows, and she was dressed in jeans and a rock t-shirt. I thought she was going to fit right in. I got a whiff of her perfume as I turned to my list. It was light and spring-like, and hope swelled inside my chest. This was going to work.

  “I have a list and wanted to ask you if you’d go shopping for Gaby? Oh wait, here’s Gaby! Gaby, meet your new best friend.” Gaby was just starting to wake from his nap. He giggled and smiled and grabbed his toes. He looked adorable, lying there next to his mom.

  “Baby, come here. I wanna hold you, Gaby.” Tenny bent down and picked him up and placed him on her hip like she had done it a thousand times before. She kept talking to him. “Look how cute you are, cutie cute. Come here and let me kiss those sweet cheeks.” She clucked her tongue and kissed him softly on his chubby face, and I looked over to see Callie smile. Keri looked pretty darn happy to see them together. She actually looked relieved. We all took a deep cleansing breath as we watched this new friendship form between baby and nanny.

  “Let me spend some time with him first, then I’ll go do this shopping, okay?” Tenny looked over at me and I nodded.

  “If we forgot anything, could you just add it to the list?” I asked.

  Tenny agreed, “Sure,” as she took the list and shoved it in her jean pocket with my credit card.

  This was going to work! We could get the fuck out of here and back to our shows. I didn’t want anyone thinking we were abandoning them, not her parents, that’s for damn sure. But Callie had miles to go, and I needed her head back in music land for real. Thank God, I trusted Tenny would work out. I hoped this was the beginning of a beautiful, new friendship.

  It was a miracle. I was grateful we had a plan that appeared to be coming together.

  We were ready to get out of this freaking hospital, away from the smells and sounds. Away from difficult decisions, and tragedy around every corner.

  The emergency was handled.

  Now, back to why we were here at all. Time to Rock and Roll.

  Chapter 40

  Callie

  Mama and Daddy were starting to grumble about being in the hospital. I knew they wanted to go home as soon as possible. The doctor swept into their room, checking out their charts and asking, “How are you feeling today?” to each of them.

  Mama moaned. “I just want to go home.”

  Daddy added, “Now. We want to go home today.” Daddy tried to put his foot down. They were sick of the food, the smells and just about everything in this hospital. Daddy’s pain must be excruciating and he still wanted to go home.

  Doctor Smith said, “Soon. You need a little patience, Bob. I’ll run some tests and we’ll go from there, okay?” Daddy grimaced. I knew how badly they wanted to split this joint, the place where they almost died. I came close to losing them last week and just wanted them to feel better.

  Hunter had reassured me that we were hanging around until then. I wanted to get them settled at the new house before we took off on them, leaving them in the care of that CNA dude, Steve, I think his name was? I hadn’t met him yet, but Hunter had confirmed that he’d checked out dude’s references and his past employers had glowing things to say about him.

  We needed to get back to it, but I refused to move a muscle until I was sure they were going to be taken care of completely. Hunter had handled all the details, ordering hospital beds to be delivered and all the medical equipment they would require. I wanted to make sure they were comfortable with the set-up before we left. We all needed to feel at ease with all the arrangements.

  Deep down, I felt like I was abandoning them. Part of me wanted to take care of them myself. But I fundamentally knew I had no choice but to stick to our plan. I hoped I’d get back in the swing of things quickly enough.

  “Mama, I’m going to hang out until you can go home, okay? The doc said you both are going to be released in a day or two.” I looked at my mother. Her eyes glistened in the morning light. She had been so emotional since all this shit came down, and I didn’t blame her one bit.

  “Are you sure, baby? You sure you can handle Gaby?” Keri was concerned about our decision to take him with us. She tried to talk me into another approach, like possibly hiring someone to take care of him at the house. I just couldn’t leave the care of Gaby to anyone else. No stranger could provide the same level of care as me. Period. And anyway, the docs said my parents needed peace and quiet to heal. Having Gaby around would definitely not provide those specific things.

  “I’m positive, Mama. Now stop worrying about all this. He’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure her. “Tenny is a board-certified nanny. She has the training and references. She’s well and good a great choice. Do you want to see her resume?” Tenny even had a bit of medical training, having taken infant CPR. In fact, Mama [ES25]met her yesterday. Everything seemed to be jelling, Hunter had handled everything perfectly. My heart squeezed tightly, just thinking about how he took charge. He swooped in and fixed everything for me, my family, and the band. He was a star. In my mind’s eye, he was the real star of this show.

  “Hey peanut, you gonna be okay? I mean, this is your first tour and now you’re going to take your baby brother with you? That's a lot to deal with.” Daddy’s voice was filled with pain. They had cut his chest wide open, and it would take weeks for the bones to knit back together. Bone pain was the worst. He sounded so worried. But I hoped by the time we left them safely tucked away at home, they would feel relaxed about all our decisions.

  “I’m okay, don’t worry about me.” I took Dad’s hand in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. My parents had raised me with the belief that family was everything, that you stood behind family and, became a pillar of strength when they stumbled. I hoped they felt that from me now.

  My mother hadn’t walked yet. Not one step. They pulled her out of bed and slid her into a wheelchair so she c
ould leave this room, but the one time they tried to get her on her feet, her legs collapsed out from under her. The doctor was worried she may never get back on her feet. I couldn't really think about all that, I just had to stay positive. If she never walked again, it would be a travesty, but we’d learn to cope. I was definitely thrilled she was still on the planet. I just worried about how she would handle being stuck in a chair the rest of her life. After a time, she might become resentful. Fuck! Whoever hit them needed to face the consequences of the lifelong payment my parents might have to make.

  I pulled Hunter out of the room. I grabbed his hand as we stood in the hallway. I was so sick of the smell of hospital; I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of this one. Daddy could be released by tomorrow. He had miles to go to heal, but he could do that at home. We were just waiting for the go-ahead for my mom.

  “Hunter, did you get a chance to find out who hit them?” I ground out. My teeth clicked behind my jaw, and the stress building inside felt like I was going to explode. I needed someone to pay.

  “Don’t worry about that, babe. Let’s just focus on getting them home. I talked to their insurance company yesterday. I want to hire a physical therapist. What do you think?” Hopefully, we could talk about it later. Every night we made the trek over to the hotel and slid into bed. We were all exhausted by the hours we were keeping. The pressure had built up, and I wanted the fuck out of this nightmare.

  “Okay, I think it’s a great idea. By the way, babe, I really like Tenny. I think she’s going to do a great job for us. Three days and counting.” I gave Hunter a bright smile. I felt optimistic about the rest of the tour. Part of me couldn’t wait to get back to the stage, but I was consumed with guilt for leaving my parents to recover without me. I was wrung out with stress and worry. The plan was to get them settled at home, then the tour bus was going to pick us up from there. I was only going to spend the one day getting them situated before we split town. I worried if it was enough time.