Resentments and Revenge

by Diane Ezzard

“She don’t care about me.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true. She wouldn’t want to see you the state you were in last night. Stay away from that stuff. It’s a mug’s game.” Jade folded her arms and leaned back.

  “It’s me mam with the problem. She’s a right pain when she’s tanked up. I can’t stand it.”

  “Has she ever tried to stop drinking or get help?” Jade looked at me like I’d suggested aliens were landing.

  “Are you joking? She’s a waste of space. I don’t think she can stop. She’s too far gone. She only stays off it if she was too bladdered the night before. She always goes back to the booze again. Anyway, me mam’s a nightmare when she’s not drinking. She falls out with her fella, Billy all the time. I prefer it when she’s out of the way and down the pub.”

  I had an idea but kept it to myself.

  “So, do you end up looking after your little brother?”

  “Yeah, Jonathan will have missed me while I’ve been away.”

  “How long have you been gone?” She rocked her body back and forth.

  “I can’t remember.”

  “How did you get to that house?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t suppose you know where you got your bruises from either, do you?” She shook her head. At that, Caroline and Marcus walked back in the room donning plates of food. We got up and sat around the dining table like a happy family.

  It was some time before Gina from Social Services turned up with the police officer. I’d met Gerry Pope before and liked him. He had a warm disposition for a policeman. I took him through to the kitchen to have a word with him in private.

  I explained to him what I was doing these days and how my investigation into the disappearance of Louie Stanton had brought me here. I hoped my actions last night might not look as bad. I knew the procedures though, and I accepted I was in the wrong. Acting on impulse, I now realised removing Jade and Marcus wouldn’t deter the gangsters.

  “What were you thinking, Jack? You’re a prize dickhead removing them kids,” Gerry said shaking his head with his hands on his hips. He wasn’t too impressed with me. I normally checked with the police before interfering, but I knew I’d gone one step too far this time.

  “I know, I know, I screwed up. I’m sorry.” My hands waved up in the air as I continued to eat humble pie. I had a good relationship with a lot of my ex-colleagues. Many of them felt sorry for me having to leave because of my drinking. I was especially close to the guys in the drugs squad as we regularly exchanged information where we could. The police needed all the help they could get when it came to surveillance work because their work was hampered by government cuts. They could never do as much as they wanted to, so they often relied on guys like me finding information out. That was my saving grace. I hoped this one would blow over.

  Gerry shook his head as he filled out the paperwork. Gina was interviewing the children. Acting on impulse wasn’t always the best move I ever made. Hopefully, I hadn’t muddied the waters too much. I scratched the back of my neck and wondered how much longer this would take. I checked my watch and shook my head. Sophie wouldn’t be pleased with me being late again.

  Chapter 9

  Sophie

  In the time I’d been seeing Jack we had the odd spat but no big arguments. We never fell out for longer than a few hours. It was normally him in the wrong, of course, but I didn’t drag things out and I tended to forgive him. I was told never to go to bed on an argument. That was sound advice because it was me who suffered if we hadn’t made up. I couldn’t sleep. So, nowadays, once I felt he’d squirmed and grovelled enough, I gave in.

  Last night, though, he went too far. Seeing his ex-girlfriend was a complete no-no. I was not a happy bunny. He told me what happened and tried to convince me his focus had been the safety of the children. He admitted it was a mistake and promised he wouldn’t do anything as foolish again. I wanted to believe him. His intentions sounded good, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. In the past, when I was drinking, my intentions were to stay sober. I always meant it, but I couldn’t fulfil my promises.

  I put the phone down after talking to him. My knuckles were white. Steam was almost pouring out of my ears and nostrils. Immediately, a message pinged from him.

  I only went to see Caroline in a professional capacity. Please don’t read anything into it x.

  I didn’t reply. A few minutes later my phone pinged again.

  It’s you I care about, I promise x.

  I still didn’t reply. In my head, I made excuses why I couldn’t respond but the truth was I was playing him at his own sulking game. Another message arrived.

  Are we good x?

  A leg of lamb was roasting in the oven. I didn’t want to eat alone. Finally, I replied.

  Dinner ready in 30 mins. Don’t be late.

  He was late. We ate in silence. I had met Caroline once and knew how attractive she was. I tried to put thoughts of her aside. It didn’t work. The longer we said nothing, the angrier I became inside. I poked my food and shifted it around the plate. I kept rewinding back to last night — how I was sat in that cold rundown property, keeping watch for him. It grated knowing now that all the time he was in the warm, cosying up to his ex. What a mug I was. I put him through more grovelling. I wanted to take him at his word. Still silent, I cleared the plates away. He kept looking over at me.

  “Come on, love. I’ll make you a nice brew,” he said. He came over and crouched down in front of my chair.

  “I’ve got something I need to ask you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Well, it’s more your advice on an idea I have.”

  “Go on,” I pursed my lips together.

  “You know Jade, the young girl who was taken in by Dom Duggan?”

  “I know of her, carry on.”

  “I don’t think she will stay at home. After chatting to her, I think Dom has a hold on her. I’m not a gambling man but I’d put my money on her going back to him.”

  “What even though he kidnapped her?”

  “She doesn’t see it that way. When I spoke to her, she said he did it to keep her safe, away from her mother.”

  “But didn’t he hit her?”

  “She’s got bruises from somewhere, but she didn’t admit to anything. I want to get closer to those brothers. From what happened to Marcus, it looked like they groomed him as their drugs mule.”

  “Right.”

  “And I’m wondering if they might have done the same with Louie and have him banged up somewhere.”

  “Okay, so what’s your plan?”

  “Jade’s mum, Carmen has a problem with alcohol. I was wondering if you could offer your services to help her and it would be a way in to get close to Jade and her bloke.”

  “I don’t know. It’s devious.”

  “Think of it as twelve step work then where we go out and help a suffering alcoholic.”

  “I’ll always support someone in those circumstances.”

  “Okay, you help Jade’s mum and I’ll come along for the ride and do the snooping, so it doesn’t have to prick your conscience.”

  “I suppose there’s no harm in seeing if she wants any help. Although you know yourself, you can’t help someone who drinks too much until they are ready to stop.”

  “Apparently, she has tried to get sober in the past.”

  “We’ll give it a go, then.” I shook my head. He finally melted my icy disposition.

  Jack made the arrangements for us to meet Jade’s mum.

  Two days later, we drove up Rochdale Road towards the council estate Jade lived on.

  “I’ve forgotten her name,” I said.

  “It’s Carmen Weston.”

  “And is she expecting us?”

  “I believe so, yes.”

  “Well, hopefully, she won’t be drunk.”

  We arrived at the address just around the corner from Fairfield Hospital. We walked up to the front door of the run-down coun
cil property and knocked. The door matched others along the road, painted the same bright red. There were no manicured lawns around here. No one in this street had purchased their own property. That was clear from the dreary uniformity of the houses.

  Sturdily built of red brick, there was nothing attractive about this part of the estate. With the peeling paint on the window frames, the only thing to tell them apart was the occasional discarded sofa or chair sitting in the front lawn. Broken gates and paths accumulating rubbish was a common sight around this area.

  This was a neighbourhood notorious for substance abuse. Shattered families, children returning home from school with no food on the table. The fortunate ones were taken into care where often they experienced a new form of abuse. Everywhere was decaying, the houses, the streets. Each generation damaged the next with their own brand of chemical poisons. Hate, fear and violence were all most of them knew. Even children walked around looking like the living dead.

  We knocked on the door again. A young girl answered it.

  “Hi Jade, is your mum in?” Jack asked. She looked me up and down. I did the same to her. She was skinny with wispy blonde hair and had bags under her eyes with an ashen face.

  “You’d better come through.” I wondered what state we would find her mum in. She escorted us into the back kitchen where a woman sat at a table, smoking. Her clothes smelled of mildew. The house was a mess. No one had bothered to tidy up. There were clothes strewn everywhere, toys out, sweet wrappers. It looked more like a waste disposal unit than the insides of someone’s house.

  “Sorry,” she said wafting the smoke in front of her face. Jade turned to her mother and shook her head, muttering.

  “Mam, this is Jack, the guy I told you about.” Carmen turned and looked me up and down, “and you are…?”

  “Sophie, pleased to meet you, Mrs Weston.” I went to shake her hand. It trembled and felt moist. I wondered how long it was since her last drink.

  “It’s Carmen, take a seat,” she said with a gravelly voice. Jack and I shared a knowing look and sat down at the small table. “What can I do for you?” Her gruff voice was probably down to years of drinking and smoking.

  “It’s more what we can do for you, Carmen.” I looked from her to Jade. She stood watching with her arms poised at either side of her body. She kept looking out of the window.

  “Is your son at school?”

  “Yes, Jade dropped Jonathan off,” she said avoiding eye contact. Carmen only looked to be in her early thirties herself and looked nowhere near old enough to be a mother to Jade. She was slim, with similar wispy hair to Jade and they could have passed for sisters if her skin hadn’t looked so haggard.

  Glancing at me, she fumbled with her cigarette packet. She scratched her temple with the lit cigarette still in her hand.

  “Sorry, sorry, where are my manners? I’ll put this out.” She stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray. She shook quite badly.

  “You don’t need to, Carmen.”

  “No, no, it’s a nasty habit. It’s time I gave up anyway,” she laughed nervously. “Where did you say you were from?” Her forehead showed beads of perspiration and she took out a tissue and wiped it.

  “I didn’t.” She frowned and looked at Jack.

  “Sorry, sorry, only I get muddled. I think it’s the medication I’ve been prescribed.” She squirmed in her seat.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m a friend of Jack’s. He found Jade the other night somewhat worse for wear. I work as a counsellor and I wondered if I might be able to help.”

  “What’ve I told you about taking that bleeding stuff. You never listen, do you?” she thrashed her arm in the air and stared at her daughter.

  “They’re here to see you, Mam.” Jade shook her head.

  “Oh,” Carmen looked around the room. “I’m sorry, I haven’t offered you a drink. Jade, make these people a cuppa, will you?”

  Jade didn’t reply but went to the kettle and filled it with water.

  “Tea or coffee?” she asked.

  “Jade, you’ll need to borrow some milk from next door.” Carmen’s voice quivered. Jade tutted and her lip curled as if she was about to snarl. She left the kitchen and I heard the front door slam. She walked back in a few minutes later carrying a small plastic bottle of milk. The tension between mother and daughter was palpable. Even when Jade offered a watery smile, I could tell it wasn’t genuine.

  Jack took Jade into the other room while I stayed in the kitchen with Carmen. She took another cigarette out of a packet and lit it. I didn’t mind. If it helped her and kept her off alcohol, it was the better of the two evils for now.

  I had a chat with Carmen about her drinking. I told her something about my own experiences. Occasionally, she nodded. There was the odd comment that she didn’t think she was that bad. I remember that one well. It was clear from talking to her she wasn’t ready for any help. She didn’t want to stop drinking. I gave her details about the women’s centre and what we did there with the counselling service and short courses to help women with their confidence. It appeared to be falling on deaf ears. I could tell from her agitation that her focus was to get another drink.

  I knew what that felt like. I had been there. I filled up with empathy inside and hoped that Carmen wasn’t a lost cause. Sometimes, having an honest chat with someone about their drinking planted a seed. I offered her a lifeline so maybe some time down the line, she would grab it, but for now, she wasn’t interested. I came away feeling deflated. We left their home. Jack walked in front of me with his hands in his pockets. He waited until we got in the car, then spoke.

  “She’s not ready for help, is she?”

  “No, it’s a shame because she looks in a bad way, but she can’t contemplate an alternative to the life she is living. She wouldn’t come to an AA meeting with me to see what it was like.”

  “I know. We could keep chipping away at her though, making suggestions. I mean, you told her what you used to be like.”

  “Yeah, we can live in hope.”

  “I hit the same brick wall with Jade. She told me she loves Dom. I cringed at that, but I’m flogging a dead horse trying to influence her. I’ll keep in touch but in a friendly way and not lecture her. She’s not ready to listen to reason. That moron has got Jade well and truly under his spell. She doesn’t seem the type to be impressed by his money, but he gives her drugs.”

  “There’s not much more we can do at this stage.”

  “No, and I don’t think Social Services can do much for Jade because of her age but she is vulnerable and if someone doesn’t take responsibility then something bad will happen.”

  We looked at each other and nodded.

  Chapter 10

  Sophie

  A week later I received an unexpected phone call.

  “Is that Sophie?”

  “Yeah, is that you, Carmen? How are you doing?”

  “Not so good. It’s… things are getting on top of me.” Her voice sounded shaky.

  “Do you want me to come over?”

  “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

  “No, of course not. If you like, I can be at yours within the hour.”

  I had a few things to finish off and then I drove over to Carmen’s house. I hoped this meant she’d had enough of her drinking and wanted to stop. If that was the case, I’d help her in any way I could. Being in recovery from alcoholism, for me to stay sober, I had to pass on what I had learnt to others going through the same hell. I knew how hard stopping was and it wouldn’t be easy for her.

  When I got to her house and knocked, I was met with a pitiful state. Her face was bruised, and she had a cut lip. The booze had battered her to a pulp, yet she kept getting in the ring and going back for more. I’d taken the liberty of taking milk and tea bags with me. I doubted she’d have anything alcohol free in the house. I plonked the carrier bag on the kitchen table. Her shaking hand tried to pick it up. She was unsteady on her feet.

  “You sit do
wn, Carmen. I’ll make us a nice cup of tea.” She did as I asked and pulled out a bag of tobacco. She could hardly roll up her cigarette, she trembled so badly.

  “When was your last drink, Carmen?”

  “Last night, I think.”

  “You’d do well to get something off the doctor to help you detox so you don’t have fits.”

  “I… I… I don’t know if I can stop.”

  “No, well it may be advisable to taper off.”

  “I can’t do this.” She rubbed her sweaty palms down her jeans.

  “That’s what I thought. I learnt it was the first drink that did the damage. Once I took a drink, it set off a craving for another.” I only half filled her mug of tea. Even then she struggled to pick it up with the shakes. I helped put the warm liquid to her mouth. It was like feeding a toddler.

  “There you go. Get that nice warm drink down you instead of that poison you’ve been putting in your body.”

  I sat and told her some more tales about my drinking. I explained how I was advised that if I didn’t stop, my life would get worse and I could end up dead, but if I did stop, my life would get better.

  Carmen burst out crying. I put an arm around her shoulder.

  “Don’t worry, Carmen. I will help you all I can.” I took a tissue out of my handbag and passed it to her.

  “It’s not that. It’s… it’s just that I’ve done something stupid and I’m scared now.” I’d heard from Jade about her mum’s philandering.

  “Listen, Billy doesn’t need to know.”

  “Billy,” she frowned, “what do you mean?”

  “If you’ve cheated on him, I would just keep quiet. I’m sure it will blow over.”

  “Cheated? I don’t understand.”

  “Oh, sorry, I thought…,” holding my hand up. “My mistake, jumping to conclusions.” I laughed nervously.

  “It’s that bloody daughter of mine, spreading rumours. I’ll kill that Jade when I get hold of her. She’s behaved like a little cow since she got with that ponce. She’s been horrible to me since she’s been with him. He’s turned her into a right little evil witch.” I could see she was getting worked up. The veins on her neck bulged.