The Hardest Play

by Teague, A. S.

  I couldn’t share her optimism, but I nodded all the same. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I’ll give it a few more minutes before I assume the worst.”

  “You’re already assuming the worst, aren’t you?”

  “Yep.”

  She sighed and then somehow inched impossibly closer and dropped her head on my shoulder. “What can I do?”

  Short of having a crystal ball and being able to see what the hell Jamie was actually doing, there was nothing anyone could do right now but wait. “You don’t have to get to work?”

  Her hair brushed over my neck as she shook her head. “Not today. Even if I did, I wouldn’t just leave you here in limbo.”

  My chest filled, the warmth of her words replacing the coolness of my anger. Georgia had proven time and again that she was serious about her commitment to me, and yet every damn time it was still so hard to believe that I wasn’t living my life alone anymore. That I had someone who was willing to sit beside me on the couch and wait on my addict sister to return. I ran a hand up and down her thigh, the smooth and soft skin warm under my fingertips. “You really are the most amazing person I’ve ever known.”

  With the pad of her finger, she traced circles along the back of my hand. “Yeah, you aren’t too bad yourself.”

  “I love you, and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you care about my sister as much as you do. That you held your arms out to her and embraced her for all her flaws without the first negative thing to say. But you don’t know her the way I do. This is going to be bad, Georgia. I can feel it, and with as good as things have been going for me recently, it’s like the universe has finally come back around to collect its dues.”

  She offered me a sad smile. “There’s no such thing at Reverse Karma, Quinn. But if there was, you’d be due for a lot more good. Not the bad.”

  “Bad is what I know.”

  She brushed her lips with mine. “Then we’ll change that.”

  It was funny. The way the word we sounded rolling off Georgia’s tongue made me feel like anything was possible.

  Well, anything but this.

  We both jumped when there was a sudden knock on the door.

  I jumped to my feet. “Jesus, Jamie, it’s about time!” I stomped to the door, yanking it open. “There’s a key on the—” The words lodged in my throat as I looked into the faces of two police officers standing on the other side.

  “Mister Miller?” one of them asked.

  My stomach dropped, a vortex of pain swirling around me. I couldn’t do anything more than nod.

  “Are you related to Jamie Miller?”

  “She’s… my sister.” Blood thundered in my ears. Oh, fuck… this was going to hurt. It was every nightmare I’d ever had about my sister playing out right in front of me. I wasn’t going to recover. Not knowing I failed her. Not again.

  “Is she okay?” Georgia asked, her pale face glancing back and forth between the two men in front of us.

  “She’s been in an accident.”

  And there it was. My head began to spin.

  “What kind of accident?” Georgia probed, hooking her arm around my hips as if she knew I wouldn’t be able to stand on my own much longer. “Is she okay?”

  The cop looked back at me, but all I could see was Jamie as a little girl, wearing dirty jeans and laughing as she ate a shitty peanut butter and jelly I’d been able to scrounge up for her.

  The older of the two cops rocked on his toes. “She hit a power pole, son. The medics were able to pull her out of the truck before it caught fire, but…” His gaze drifted to Georgia, as if they were working as a team, and I felt her brace. “It seems she was seizing and vomiting foam. We’re suspecting an overdose. The truck she was driving is registered to you. Are you her next of kin?”

  Georgia gasped, and bile surged up the back of my throat. It took a near act of God to force it back, to keep from bending at the waist and losing every bit of the breakfast I’d eaten a couple of hours ago.

  “A dream is a wish your heart makes, Quinn. Maybe if we dream about Mom still being alive, we’ll wake up and it’ll be true. Then she can take us to live somewhere far away from Daddy and we’ll all be safe and happy forever. Nothing bad will ever happen again; we just have to dream it.”

  The blood whooshed through my ears, roaring like the ocean during a storm. I’d seen my sister overdose one too many times to be naïve enough to believe that this was anything else.

  Jamie, the little girl who used to force me to watch Cinderella with her, had overdosed—again.

  With the last bit of energy I could muster, I asked, “Is she alive?”

  29

  Georgia

  The drive to the hospital was silent, each of us lost in a sea of swirling thoughts, every worst-case scenario running through our heads. But through it all, my hand remained anchored to his thigh.

  As we raced through the doors to the crowded emergency room, everything passed in a blur, and I had to jog to keep up with Quinn as his long legs devoured the distance to the front desk.

  “Where is she?” His voice was ragged when we reached the desk. “Jamie Miller.”

  After a few quick clicks on her keyboard, the woman in scrubs pushed to her feet. “Are you the next of kin?”

  “He’s her brother,” I answered for him, linking my fingers through his and squeezing.

  I didn’t know what was more agonizing, the look of pure anguish that seemed like it would be permanently etched onto Quinn’s face or the fact that there was nothing I could do to ease the pain he was feeling.

  Every fiber of my being was screaming for me to find a way to make this better for him, but there was nothing I could do except hold his hand and not let go.

  We were led to a waiting room, and after she excused herself to go find a nurse, I told Quinn, “She’s going to be okay.”

  He dipped his chin to look at me, his eyes clouded with fear. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do,” I told him, mustering all the confidence I could find.

  He pulled his hand from mine to shove it into his hair and began to pace, his heavy footsteps echoing in the empty room. I took the opportunity to find a seat against the wall and fished my phone from my purse, typing out a quick message to the family thread.

  The knots in my stomach only grew as we waited for what seemed like an eternity. Every time a doctor or nurse passed, my heart would leap at the hope that they were going to stop and give us good news. But each time, they kept on walking, and Quinn’s shoulders would slump even more.

  “Quinn?” Daddy’s deep voice bounced off the walls, and my head jerked up. He strode into the room and wrapped Quinn in a bear hug. Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw the two men I loved most in this world holding each other.

  When he pulled away, Quinn’s voice cracked as he asked, “What are you doing here?”

  “Georgia sent a message. Family’s on their way, should be here soon. Any news?”

  Love surged through my chest, and I pushed to my feet and crossed the room quickly, throwing my arms around my father and whispering in his ear, “Thank you.”

  “We’re still waiting,” I told my father when I stepped away. “I’m going to see if I can find someone.”

  I excused myself and stepped into the hall, stopping the first nurse I came across. She promised to find out what was going on. I paused outside the waiting room.

  It was so hard seeing Quinn in the pain he was in, and I couldn’t imagine the range of emotions and the myriad of thoughts that were probably racing through his mind. I needed to be strong for him. I needed to keep my own fears at bay so that no matter what happened when the nurse returned with the doctor, I could be the rock he needed.

  As I stepped through the waiting room doors, a small sense of relief washed over me as I spotted the rest of my family in the back of the room, sitting in a row, each of their faces lined with worry. I couldn’t imagine living my life without the support of my family the way Quinn
had, and I was so damn thankful that they were all here for him.

  Quinn met me at the door, his face a mixture of hope and despair.

  “She’s going to find someone,” I said softly. “I hope it’s okay that they’re here.”

  His head swiveled over his shoulder and he nodded. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to not be in this waiting room alone.” He pushed both hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. “What am I going to do if she’s not okay? She’s the only family I have, Georgia.”

  I pulled his hands from his hair. “Look around, Quinn. You’re not alone in this anymore. You have family now, and we are all going to be here for you no matter what.” I pulled him to me and pressed my cheek to his chest. His heart thundered beneath my ear. “But just like you could feel that something was wrong, I can feel that she’s going to be okay.”

  His arms wrapped around me, and he pressed his nose to the top of my head. “I didn’t know how I’d be able to even stand if it weren’t for you here, holding me up right now.”

  I squeezed his waist and held him close. “You’ll never have to stand alone again. I love you, my family loves you, and we all love your sister.”

  He drew in a ragged breath that I felt in my soul just as a doctor walked in. “Mr. Miller?”

  I turned, refusing to let him out of my arms, and together we rushed to where the doctor stood just inside the doorway. “Is she okay?”

  I sucked in a breath and held it in my lungs, waiting for the doctor to answer Quinn’s question and silently praying that it was the answer we needed.

  Quinn was convinced that he wasn’t allowed to have anything good in his life, and I couldn’t say that I didn’t understand that. His entire life had been one hardship after the next. It wasn’t fair that a man as good as him had to go through the shit that he had. He deserved more than anyone to be happy, to be free, to not always wonder when the other shoe would drop.

  I searched the doctor’s face, looking for any indication that he was about to deliver bad news and I would have to find a way to pick my man up off the floor and put the broken pieces of him back together.

  But I would. I would spend every ounce of love and energy I had to find a way to heal Quinn’s brokenness. Just like he had done for his sister.

  I’d thought I’d understood why it was that Quinn had risked so much for his sister over the years, but it wasn’t until I stood here with my arms wrapped around him and my lungs on fire that it finally clicked.

  When you loved someone, truly loved them, you were willing to give every part of yourself to help them, no matter the cost.

  “Your sister arrived in acute respiratory failure as a result of a heroin overdose. We were able to revive her, and she’s in stable condition.”

  Quinn’s knees buckled, and I gripped him tight, taking all of his weight. “The accident?”

  The doctor nodded. “She got lucky. She was wearing a seat belt, so aside from some bruising and cuts, she has no injuries as a result of the accident.”

  I could have wept with relief as the doctor finished telling Quinn that Jamie would be okay. When he excused himself, promising that Quinn could see Jamie soon, the two officers who had come to his door stepped inside.

  “Mr. Miller. We need to speak with you a moment.”

  “Can it wait?” I asked. “He’d like to see his sister.”

  The older officer frowned as he clapped Quinn on the shoulder. “Glad she’s gonna be okay. But we have a few things we need to discuss before you can go in there.”

  Quinn nodded. “She’s in trouble, isn’t she?”

  “She is,” the other officer said as he pulled a pad out of his pocket. “She’ll be charged with driving while impaired. Do you want to press charges for grand theft auto?”

  My stomach twisted. I hadn’t even thought about the legal implications that this would hold for Jamie. I’d been too busy praying for her to be okay.

  “No,” Quinn growled. “No, I don’t.”

  The older officer gave a thrust of his chin. “That’s certainly your choice. She’s looking at a maximum of a year in jail for the DWI charge alone.”

  “Prison?” I squeaked, my heart sinking.

  The officers looked at each other. “Judges around here will sometimes go easier on people who show remorse. Rehab, community service, and the like tend to shine favorably on them.”

  Quinn’s head dropped, so I said, “Yes, sir. We understand.”

  The two officers handed me a card with their information and then excused themselves, leaving Quinn and me alone near the door while the rest of my family clustered in the back of the room. I looked over my shoulder, my gaze meeting my mother’s, and she gave me a sad smile.

  “A year in prison?” Quinn muttered. “How did I let this happen to her?”

  I tipped his chin back and peered into his stormy eyes. “You didn’t let this happen. Jamie did.”

  “But I’m supposed to take care of her. What kind of job have I done if she ends up in prison?” His voice was laced with pain, and my heart squeezed at the raw emotion that was seeping out of him.

  “You’ve done an amazing job. You spent years worrying about her, taking care of her, doing everything you could do for her. Sometimes that’s just not enough. It’s time that Jamie take care of Jamie.” I swallowed hard, hoping that the next thing I said would be met with acceptance.

  I didn’t know what it was like to love someone who couldn’t stay clean no matter how hard they tried. But I did know what it was like to lose someone to an addiction. And I knew what it felt like to wish I’d taken a different approach all those years ago.

  “I know how much you love your sister. I know that everything you’ve ever done has been out of the love you have for her. It’s one of the things that make you so amazing. But it’s time you give her a different kind of love.”

  “What kind of love is that?”

  My heart threatened to pound out of my chest as I said simply, “Tough love.”

  Quinn dropped into a chair and with his elbows on his knees hung his head. “How am I supposed to walk into that hospital room and tell her that? How am I supposed to see her lying in the bed, knowing how close to losing her I was, and then tell her that I’m abandoning her?”

  I dropped into a squat in front of him and took his hands in mine. “You aren’t abandoning her. But you can’t enable her anymore. Every time you bail her out, make up an excuse for her, and forgive her for the things she’s done, it’s just making it worse. She stole your truck and then wrecked it. What if she had killed someone else? Do you think she could ever forgive herself for that?”

  His lips pressed into a thin line, and my belly churned as I waited for him to say something. Had I gone too far? It needed to be said, so even if he hated me for it later, I couldn’t regret it.

  “When that officer was standing on the other side of the door, telling me that Jamie had been in an accident, all I could see was her as a kid. Her big blue eyes, that lopsided smile of hers, the way she followed me around constantly. She told me once that I was the best big brother on the planet, and I’ve spent every day since then trying to be exactly that. For years, I convinced myself that I was protecting her. But you can’t protect someone from themselves.”

  My heart shattered as his voice broke with his final statement. He finally got it. His fingers wove through my hair and he kissed me, his mouth needy. I gave him what he was looking for, the reassurance that he needed before he made the hardest decision of his life. My mouth moved with his, tasting while he took, and then he pulled away, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, and pressed his face into the curve of my neck.

  “I love you,” he whispered, his voice shaky. “So much.”

  “I love you too. I’ll be right here waiting for you. Always."

  30

  Quinn

  My palms were sweaty as I pushed open the door to the room my sister was in. “Jamie?”

  The sheets of her bed r
ustled, and she turned her head away from me as I walked in.

  She looked so small, like the little girl I still saw her as most days.

  “Not gonna look at me?” I asked softly as I closed the door behind me and crossed over to the side of the bed.

  “I just wanted a donut.” Her voice was dull, and my chest ached as she sniffed and swiped a hand across her face, wincing when it touched one of the cuts on her cheek. “I woke up in a good mood. So, I cleaned my room and decided to surprise you and Georgia with breakfast.”

  “Well, you surprised us, alright.” I sank into the extra chair and reached for her hand. “How long have you been using again?”

  A single tear rolled down her cheek as she finally turned to look at me. “I was almost to the donut place when that stupid fucking song came on the radio.”

  “What song?”

  “I Sang Dixie.” Her lip quivered as more tears stained her cheeks. She didn’t try to wipe them away though.

  “Dad’s song,” I murmured.

  “I tried to turn it off, but it was too late.”

  When we were kids, our father’s favorite pastime was getting drunk and playing that Dwight Yoakam song on repeat as he destroyed the house in a fit of rage. One time, after listening to it for what felt like hours, Jamie had had enough and turned the radio off.

  It was the one time when I hadn’t been there to protect her from our father’s violence.

  “I heard the first line of the song, and I was back in that fucking house, Dad beating the shit out of me.” She shrugged as she pressed her lips together. “I don’t remember much after that.”

  My heart threatened to explode out of my chest as Jamie’s blue eyes met mine. “It was the first time since I’ve been home, Quinn. I swear.”

  I believed her.

  Maybe that was my problem, that I always believed her, but I did.

  The agony in her eyes told me that she was being truthful.

  There was disappointment and shame in the lines of her forehead, embarrassment and remorse in her deep frown. “I wrecked Lynda.”