It's All Relative

by S. C. Stephens

  Sighing, he indicated a door leading to an outdoor courtyard. Jessie turned, grateful to stop looking at him for a moment, and then stepped out into the refreshingly cool air. Gray, heavy clouds trudged across the sky, but for the moment, it was wasn’t pouring. The benches spaced along the pathways were wet with small puddles of the rain that had collected from last night’s storm. It had been dumping when she’d left Kai’s apartment. The entire ride home she’d wished that she’d stayed at his place, wrapped in his sheets with his warm body next to hers. Now, as he stood beside her, his arm brushing hers, she was torn between still wanting that scenario, and being disgusted by that scenario.

  With his head down, he nodded over to a bench quaintly nestled under a tall tree. Its leaves long ago having fallen to the ground, the tree’s bare branches looked sort of spooky as they stretched up into the sky. The hospital had placed the bench at the edge of the cracked concrete, the barked berm directly behind it bursting with clumps of green shrubbery. Jessie imagined that in the spring, it was probably quite pretty out here. Maybe that helped to ease the mind of frazzled family members, waiting on the outcome of their loved ones’ surgeries. She wished it had the same effect on her currently spinning head.

  Kai wiped the droplets off of the bench with his free hand, the water flicking from his skin. He sat on the edge, brushing the residual moisture off on his thigh before motioning for her to sit. She exhaled softly and sat next to him, their hips just touching on the small seat. Kai flicked a glance at her then took a sip of his drink. Jessie did the same, feeling the horror in her stomach start to shift to something sad.

  Her night with him had been amazing. But, even if they were the perfect match, and last night had been some fated meeting to bring them together, it couldn’t happen. They were related. They shared the same gene pool. Those sorts of things were looked down upon in the society they lived in. Her friends would be disgusted. Her family would disown her, and him. And she wasn’t sure, but there were probably laws somewhere, preventing or punishing the very thing that they had done last night. Marriage was certainly out. As was children. That thought made her nauseous again. God, no, their genes were too similar to ever risk children.

  She sputtered on the sip of coffee she’d just taken and a hand flew to her stomach. She suddenly remembered the forgotten condom in her purse last night. While she was on the pill and pregnancy wasn’t an issue, it still brought that ‘this is too gross to be true’ feeling back to her.

  Kai stopped drinking and stared over at her as she choked on her awful vending machine coffee. “What?” he whispered.

  With tears of frustration and horror in her eyes, she immediately said, “A part of you is still inside me.” She flushed after saying that, but that was what was churning her stomach at the moment. He’d released inside of her. A part of her cousin was currently swimming through her body.

  He twisted back to the front, his face seemingly paling again. He closed those marvelous eyes and inhaled a long breath. “Oh, god.” Without opening his eyes, he whispered, “Could you possibly get pregnant?”

  She shook her head but he couldn’t see it, since his eyes were still shut. Verbally she added, “No, I take the pill, but it’s still grossing me out.”

  He peeked his eyes opened and looked over at her. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually… Things like last night aren’t common for me. But, we didn’t know, Jessie.”

  She exhaled heavily, her hand dropping to her lap. “They don’t happen to me either. I just… You were so…” She swallowed and shook her head. “This is so messed up.”

  He sighed and ran a thumb around the edge of his coffee cup. Jessie tried to block out other places that thumb had been. Staring down at the thick, blackness inside the Styrofoam, he again said, “We didn’t know.”

  They sat in silence for a few moments and then he looked over at her. “You know, it’s not all that crazy.” He shrugged as Jessie scrunched her brows, then explained. “In some cultures, cousins are arranged to be married. Didn’t Jerry Lee Lewis marry his cousin?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “We have the same last name. Sorry, that doesn’t make me feel any better. And Jerry Lee Lewis? Ew.”

  He laughed, just once and then released another melancholy breath. “I’m just trying to make this not seem so…”

  “Awful,” Jessie whispered.

  He shook his head, his eyes trailing over her face. “Yeah, awful.”

  They finished their bland cups of coffee and then Jessie started picking at her cup. Not sure what to feel right now, she alternated between, disgust, sadness, desire and curiosity. Feeling that the last emotion was the one she could entertain the most at the moment, she looked over at where he was also tearing apart his cup. She smiled at their similar habit. “So…Hawaii? I hear it’s nice.”

  He chuckled and looked over at her. “Yeah, it can be.”

  She shook her head, trying to not notice the charm in his smile. “I can’t imagine why you’d come to Colorado. If I lived in paradise, I’d never leave.”

  He fully grinned, leaning back on the bench. “Well, once you’ve gone through a couple rainy seasons, you get a different opinion on island life.” He shrugged. “I guess you just get used to the beauty, once you’ve lived it in your whole life.

  Jessie bit her lip, for a moment letting herself think that she’d never get used to his island beauty. Shaking her head to clear it, she said, “Well, I’ve always wanted to go.” She laughed. “I used to try and get my parents to visit yours every summer when I was younger. I wanted to learn how to surf so bad. I used to practice on the lawn.”

  Kai laughed and then stopped as what she’d said sunk in. Jessie sighed as she thought about wanting to go visit Kai when she was a kid. It made everything they’d done seem that much weirder. He smiled lightly and Jessie shook her head again. “Well, I hope you’re not too disappointed, living here.”

  He tilted his head at her. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and full of meaning. “So far, it’s been pretty incredible. I’ve felt very welcomed here.” He reached up and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. She swallowed, her eyes starting to glisten as the back of his knuckle lingered on her cheek.

  Clearing his throat, he turned his head back to his cup and dropped his hand from her skin. She missed the contact, surprisingly. “Maybe it’s because I grew up on a beach, but I’ve always dreamt about learning to ski.” He looked back up at her and she blinked several times to clear her eyes. “Maybe you could teach me?”

  She swallowed and nodded, not sure how she’d handle spending that much intimate time with him. But they were family, she’d have to. She nodded again. “Yeah, of course.” A moment of silence passed between them again and Jessie couldn’t help but notice that there was a comfortable companionship in the silence. If they weren’t who they were, their personalities would have been very well matched. But, as fate would have it, they were who they were, and any companionship had to be purely platonic. Grumbling in her head over how unfair the Universe was, Jessie crumpled the empty cup in her hand. “What do we do now, Kai?”

  He reached a hand out for her ruined cup. “We go see how our grandma is doing. I continue getting my place together and getting ready for my new job on Monday. And you…go back to your life.” He gave her a serious look. “And we forget this ever happened, and never tell anyone about it.”

  Jessie tilted her head, her eyes misting up again. “Yeah, no one.” There was no one she could, or wanted, to tell about it anyway.

  Kai nodded, his eyes flicking over her face. He leaned in slightly as his eyes locked on hers and she found herself leaning in as well. Without thinking about it, they had closed the distance between their faces considerably. Jessie found herself lost in that perfect ocean of his eyes. He leaned in just a fraction more, and her lips parted as her breath increased. Even knowing what she did, her body still wanted to react to him. She bit her lip and struggled to remember that he was family, and this was wrong, really w
rong. He paused in leaning towards her, his eyes narrowing as maybe he struggled to remember that too.

  This could be harder than they both thought.

  Blinking a few times, he shifted his head and gave her a light peck on the cheek. She found herself closing her eyes at the touch. She only reopened them when he pulled back. He blinked again and stared at the much-in-need-of-repair concrete at their feet. He seemed just as dazed as her. Jessie hated that the only guy who she’d ever managed to physically effect, was blood. Figures.

  Kai exhaled slowly, then stood and glanced back at her still sitting on the bench. “We should get back to Gran. I told my dad I’d keep an eye on her.” He looked down guiltily, like he felt that he’d failed in his duty since she’d gotten hurt. Jessie smiled as she stood, happy that he seemed to have the same sense of responsibility for their grandmother that she did.

  He watched her rise, then they headed back into the hospital together. The comfortable silence fell around them as they made their way back to the second floor. Jessie watched his back as she followed a step behind. Images of that broad back flooded her head, and she shook her head to redirect her thoughts. Remembering what he said about getting his place together, Jessie thought over the piles and piles of boxes in his tiny place. Then she remembered him sweetly telling her that she could stay, as she’d been hurrying to leave.

  She made a soft, wistful noise at the memory and he looked back at her, his beautiful face looking concerned. “What?” he said cautiously. He looked at her as if she was going to break down at any moment. He also looked unsure about what he’d do if she decided to do just that. His cute look of nervousness made her laugh lightly. As they approached the stairs to the second floor, his cute look shifted to a disgruntled one. “What?” he asked again, less cautiously.

  She shook her head, her curly ponytail swishing back and forth. “Nothing, you’re just…nothing.” Knowing she couldn’t very well call her cousin adorable, she sighed and let it go. He scrunched his eyebrows, looking confused. Smiling as their long legs quickly got them up the tile steps, she explained with, “I was just thinking about what a mess your place was. Do you want some help?”

  He frowned at her summation of his home, but then smiled and looked at the ground for a moment. “Yeah, not the coolest spread to bring a girl home to.” He flinched and looked up at her, seemingly worried about how she’d respond to that.

  She paused on the steps, as he took one more. He stopped and looked back at her, a small sigh escaping him. She knew that they could easily destroy any connection they had, familial or otherwise, if they let this…guilt between them, consume them. Even though her stomach was still clenching with horror, she decided that he was right when he’d said that they hadn’t known. They couldn’t be faulted for knowledge they didn’t have. Not knowing any other way to dissolve the tension building, and wanting that comfortableness to return, Jessie decided to try some lightheartedness. Giving him a crooked smile, she coyly said, “Well, it worked. You got me.”

  While he gaped at her, she smiled broadly and walked past him on the stairs. Her heart was hammering as she listened for his reaction. Then she heard him chuckle lightly and mutter, “Well, alright then.” She smiled and looked down, knowing that he was going to try and not let this weirdness enter their relationship either.

  Once they both got to the top step, they were smiling warmly at the other. Now that she was looking for it, she thought she could spot some similarity to her in the bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips. It was fleeting though, and she really could have been seeing something because she was told to see it; like seeing a shape in a cloud, because someone let you know it was there. In all honesty, his looks were unlike anything she’d ever seen before. A beautiful blending of genetics that made him his own person, inside and outside.

  ************

  Millie sighed irritably as she snapped shut the phone and placed it back into Jessica’s purse. She loved her son, but she strongly disagreed with how he was handling this situation. Sending Kai thousands of miles away, to place him in the direct path of his biological father, a man that he didn’t even know was his biological father, seemed cruel to Millie. If he had to be told, and Millie really couldn’t see why he had to be, then Nathan sitting down with him and talking to him seemed the wiser choice.

  But that’s not the decision her son was making. He and his ex-wife had already called and made arrangements with the man who used to be Nathan’s friend and colleague. Somehow, they’d gotten a job lined up for her grandson. Kai didn’t know it, but Monday morning he’d be walking into the office of the man who carried half of his genes. Millie didn’t agree with Nathan and Leilani’s choice, but she was staying out of it, hoping for Kai to remain ignorant. Sometimes truth mattered. Other times, it only stung.

  Millie flinched as an ache in her hip went straight up her spine. The pain wasn’t bad, but the occasional wrong movement did send a twinge through her. Glancing at the door again, she wondered where her two grandkids had run off to. Their reaction to each other had sure seemed weird. She’d been so sure the two would connect once they’d finally met, but that hadn’t seemed to be the case. She wasn’t sure what was going on there, but then again, kids today often mystified her.

  Millie wondered if her own mystifying child was hoping that Kai would take one look at his real father and instantly know the truth. Well, “real” father in the sense that he’d been responsible for creating him. The man that Kai had become…was because of her son.

  Sympathetic regret washed thorough her as she thought of how Nathan had learned about Kai. He hadn’t been aware of his wife’s infidelity when they’d been trying for a child. It was years later, when Kai had just entered his teen years, that the harlot had admitted the truth to him, admitted that she didn’t know who had fathered Kai. Millie had no love for the woman. Not anymore, not after she’d ripped her son’s heart out. But Kai loved her, and Millie was careful to keep her feelings about the subject to herself.

  Not able to stand not knowing, her son had secretly tested Kai, to find out in plain black and white whether or not he was his father. When the test had come back, and he’d clearly seen that he had no blood connection to the boy, he’d immediately divorced his wife. It had been a move that Millie had supported wholeheartedly. And in another move that Millie had supported, and been immensely proud of Nathan for, he’d never stopped being a father to Kai. Lesser men would have rejected the child as well as the wife, but not her son. His affection and love for Kai had never faltered, and the truth of Kai’s paternity never went farther than Millie, her son, and her son’s unfaithful wife.

  Until now. Until the lie had finally worn Nathan down.

  Shifting on the stiff bed, Millie ran a hand through her silver hair, her gnarled knuckles betraying the age she didn’t feel. Again, she hoped her son changed his mind about Kai knowing the truth. What good could possibly come out of it? He would only feel differently about both of his parents, and be thrust into the life of a complete stranger. A person Millie hadn’t even bothered to check out, even though he lived here in Denver. In her mind, he was just as guilty of poor morality as Kai’s mother. Kai may not be blood, but he was much more like her son than either of his biological parents. Kai had a habit of making sound decisions. She was very proud of the boy.

  Almost as if on cue, the door opened and her grandson walked through it. She smiled at his exotic beauty and held a hand out for him. He smiled back and walked over to her. Jessica walked in a couple of steps behind him, watching his back intently. She shifted her eyes to the floor when he glanced back at her. Millie scrunched her brow. Odd. They almost seemed…embarrassed? Millie was curious for a moment but then shrugged and let it go. Who knew what was going on in the minds of young ones, these days?

  Kai sat on the edge of the bed and gripped her bony fingers with his warm ones. “Gran, are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”

  Millie laughed lightly and patted his hand. �
�I’m fine, dear. They’re taking good care of me here. I’ll think they’ll keep me for a few days, just to watch over me.” She grunted in annoyance and rolled her eyes. “It’s completely unnecessary. I could hop on a horse if I needed to. I could swing dance, if I had a good partner.” She patted Kai’s hand and raised an eyebrow at him.

  He laughed and rubbed her knuckle with his thumb. “Maybe when you’re better, Gran.”

  Jessica laughed softly as she sat in a chair next to the bed. Sounding remorseful, she placed her hand on Millie’s arm and said, “I’m so sorry I was late this morning, Grams.” She shook her head, like she felt personally responsible for Millie’s fall.

  Kai seemed remorseful as well. “Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t come by sooner. I was running a little slow this morning.” He looked at Jessica oddly and Millie noticed her granddaughter bit her lip and flush slightly. Very odd.