It's All Relative

by S. C. Stephens

  Revving the bike, his voice hidden under its growl and the visor over his mouth, he quietly told her, “I’ll do what you asked, Jessie, but I think it’s too late. I think I’m falling for you.”

  With those words tumbling around his head, he shifted back to the front of his bike and sped away.

  *****************

  Jessie watched the red lights of Kai’s bike speed away. A tear dropped to her cheek as she swallowed roughly, memorizing the image of him propped on his bike, clearly staring at her watching him in her dark bedroom. He’d shaken his head and stared at her for ages. She couldn’t tell anything, but from the tension in his body, she was sure he’d been speaking to her. Maybe apologizing again for the way the evening had gone.

  Jessie dropped her hand from holding back the curtain, letting it swish back down into place, the white eyelets seeming to blink at her as a streetlamp outside flashed through them. More tears fell down her cheeks as she replayed dinner, both before and after: her inappropriate moment with Kai, her decision to sort of force him into moving forward, his reluctant agreeance.

  Sighing, she walked around to sit on her bed. It sure hadn’t taken him long to jump on the April-train. She recalled her horror at seeing them flirting. But really, she couldn’t be angry with him for that. He was only doing what she’d asked him to. She wanted him to move forward and April was a good choice for him, for now. She would be fun for him to date, nothing too serious or committing. April was a good time, simple and uncomplicated; so unlike what they had.

  Taking off her shoes, she rubbed her aching feet. Jessie couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between them after she’d disappeared. She didn’t want to think about it, but she knew her flirtatious roommate well, and knew that she’d most likely had her hands all over him. It was just the way she was - comfortable, confident, and sexy as all get out. Kai would have been helpless against her. Especially since he’d probably felt obligated to Jessie to hang out with her. Great.

  Jessie sighed and dropped her head in her hands. It hurt so much, but she had to get past this. If they could get past this feeling, then their relationship could be normal. April would unknowingly help them both get through this. But, in the meantime, it was going to burn.

  With horrid images of April’s hands and mouth all over that beautiful body, Jessie undressed for bed. She couldn’t stop wondering when their first date was set for. She couldn’t stop wondering if it would go well. Then she couldn’t stop wondering how well it would go. She knew from experience that both Kai and April wouldn’t be opposed to going all the way, if they felt the right connections. She wasn’t sure about Kai, but she was pretty sure April would feel the connection. How could she not? Kai was amazing.

  Slipping her pajamas on, she exhaled brokenly. After Kai and April started dating, he’d be around a lot more, which was good, but their PDA would step up more too, which was not so good. Jessie wasn’t sure if she could handle them holding hands and sappily kissing all the time. As she stepped from her room, heading for the bathroom, she wondered if maybe she should find someone too. Maybe it would be easier, if she wasn’t alone, if she had someone to hold hands with and kiss sappily. Maybe they could even double date.

  Jessie frowned, hating the very idea.

  She stumbled into April as she was exiting the only bathroom in the house. “Oh, hey, Jessie. You okay?” Jessie apparently still had a frown on her face.

  Sighing, Jessie slapped on a tired smile. “Yeah, of course.” She faked a yawn. “Just tired.”

  April scanned her face, seeming concerned. “Oh…you look like you’ve been crying?”

  Jessie sighed, wishing for once that girls were as oblivious of bloodshot eyes as boys could be. “I had an itch, scrubbed too hard. Damn wine,” she muttered.

  April scanned her face for a moment then grinned. “Huh, that’s funny. My big toe itches when I drink wine.” She giggled as she let Jessie pass around her to get into the small room. With April still watching her from the door, Jessie quietly prepared her toothbrush, not really wanting to talk. April apparently did though.

  She sighed, a little dreamily. “God, your cousin is good looking.” She bit her lip, leaning back on the doorframe. “And sweet…he was almost shy with me.” She giggled again, her face clearly reminiscing. “He told me that I made him nervous.” She met eyes with Jessie in the mirror. “Isn’t that cute?”

  Feeling sick to her stomach, Jessie nodded and began vigorously brushing her teeth. April sighed again. Her voice oddly serious, she quietly said, “He seems different than the guys I usually go for. More than just a pretty face.” She twirled a lock of her perfect hair as she thought about the man Jessie routinely thought about. “I think I could genuinely like him, you know?” Her face turned just as serious as her voice as she held Jessie’s gaze. “Like really like him, like a serious thing.”

  Jessie rinsed out her mouth and swallowed, the mint of her toothpaste doing horrible things to her already upset stomach. She’d never anticipated April falling for him. April never fell for anybody. But Jessie didn’t see how they couldn’t hit it off. Kai was just too…Kai. April falling for him was almost a given. Why hadn’t Jessie considered that before she threw him at her? But…maybe…it was for the greater good. It’s not like she and Kai could hold out for each other. There was nothing there that could ever happen. They wouldn’t wake up one day and suddenly not be family.

  April tilted her face as she studied Jessie’s reaction. Her brows narrowed in concern. “Are you sure you’re okay with me dating him?”

  Jessie swallowed again. It was a trap question. If she said no, she’d damage their friendship. If she said yes…her horrid thoughts of them together would happen, right in front of her face. Throwing on a smile, Jessie faked the most nonchalant voice she could. “Of course, you guys could be great together. Maybe you’ll even be soul mates.” Forcing herself, she raised her eyebrows. She hated the lie…but what choice did she have?

  April seemed genuinely thrilled by the idea; she even squealed a little. “Oh, I hope so. I hope he calls soon!” With that, she spun on her booted heel and actually skipped to her bedroom. Jessie sighed and closed her eyes. What on earth had she just done?

  The next morning, Jessie purposely slept in. She didn’t want to deal with what had happened last night. She didn’t want to see the excited, elated look on April’s face. Just hearing her chipper voice through the walls was bad enough. As she lay in bed, staring at her ceiling, she could hear her cousin’s name mentioned more than once. She could hear April and Harmony discuss how sweet and charming he appeared to be. Then, of course, April shifted to his prowess.

  “God, I bet he’s a stallion in the bedroom.” She giggled and Harmony laughed with her. Jessie’s stomach clenched. He was…and she never wanted April to discover that fact.

  Harmony added, “Yeah, he seems like the type that would be very…attentive.”

  Jessie rubbed her eyes, wishing she could block out the memory of just how attentive a lover Kai was. She wished she could block her ears too, but almost stubbornly, she kept listening to her girlfriends in the living room.

  April groaned at Harmony’s last comment. “God, I know. He’s got to be the type that is willing to go that extra distance.” She laughed. “Makes sure the woman has a least one good one before he’s done.” Jessie’s hands went to her stomach, remembering just how good hers had been…both of them. She tried to not feel ill at the thought.

  Harmony laughed at April’s comment. “Well, if you’re planning on dating him, I’m sure you’ll find out before too long.” Jessie sighed, her stomach feeling even worse.

  April seemed a little offended by that though. “Are you saying I’m easy?”

  Harmony only laughed. “Hey, I’m only going by past boyfriends that you’ve dated. Have you ever gone past three dates?” Jessie bit her lip, already knowing the answer to that. April was very…descriptive of her good dates.

  April was silent a second a
nd then laughed. “Okay, yeah, you have a point.” She groaned again. “God, he’s so hot. Just picturing that man naked underneath me, good lord, I need a cool shower right now.”

  Jessie’s stomach twisted painfully, but her mind went back to that naked body writhing underneath her. The passionate look on his face, the heated breaths, the thrusting hips, the way he’d used all of his body to make her explode. Thinking about it made a rush of desire go through Jessie, her breath even quickened at the memory.

  Harmony, shushed April. “Quiet, that’s Jessie’s cousin you’re talking about. I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about you and Kai having sex.” Both girls giggled and their voices dropped to a level that Jessie couldn’t hear anymore.

  Jessie closed her eyes, her mind replaying their night together. As wrong as it was, she let herself relive every erotic thing that they’d done. She generally tried to not think about it, but April had shoved the memories at her and she couldn’t hold them back. Her body started reacting to her thoughts, an ache creeping through her core at remembering his size and length rubbing inside of her. Biting her lip, her hands on her stomach twisted her shirt. She shouldn’t think about him that way. She definitely shouldn’t live out the fantasy, pretending her hands were his and relieving the ache growing every long second that she thought about his hard body. It was so wrong. She couldn’t let herself go there. Even still, she stirred restlessly in her sheets, her hands running down her hips.

  That was when the doorbell rang.

  Shock sent ice through her body, dousing any fire she’d felt. Disgust at where her mind had shifted filled her. God, she could not give in to fantasies about Kai. It was so…

  Amid her disgust, she heard April exclaim loudly, “Kai! It’s so good to see you again.”

  She sat upright in bed, her breath still fast. Kai was here? Again? Looking over at the alarm clock on her nightstand, she saw that she’d let herself sleep in past eleven. Hearing an excited April leading him into the house, she glanced down at herself; she was a mess, and seriously needed a shower before Kai saw her like this. Jessie could hear his deep voice responding to April as he walked into the living room, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Standing and wishing her heart and breath would calm down, Jessie cracked her door open.

  She could see him with his back to her, talking with April and Harmony casually, like he’d known them for years and not just a day. Harmony was still seated on a couch, looking up at him with polite interest. April was practically attached to his hip, her hand on his arm. Jessie started tiptoeing across the hall to the bathroom, thinking to sneak in a quick shower before he noticed her. April laughed at something he’d said and her fingers on his arm traveled seductively down the length of it, ending at his hand. Jessie paused, hating the intimate contact.

  Almost like he knew she was watching, Kai turned his head and looked down the hallway. The smile on his face lifted when he saw her and his hand released from April’s. Her roommate frowned and followed his gaze to Jessie. Feeling dirty and grimy and in need of some refreshing cool water, Jessie awkwardly pointed to the bathroom door. “I’m just gonna… I need…” She sighed. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Kai was nodding when she flew into the bathroom and nearly slammed the door shut. She bit her lip again. If he knew what she’d been thinking just as he’d been arriving…? Well, actually, she wasn’t entirely sure how he’d feel about it. Probably just as conflicted as she felt about it. But, probably just as turned on by it too. Just another checkmark in the Kai-should-date-April column. They needed to end this attraction.

  With the thought of April out there “entertaining” Kai, Jessie took the fastest shower she’d ever taken in her life. Leaving the water barely above a warm temperature, it was also the coldest shower she’d ever taken in her life. The chill helped her regain her focus. With her inappropriate thoughts of her cousin securely locked away in the farthest corner of her mind, never to be looked at again, she scrubbed her hair until the water droplets stopped falling from it.

  Running her fingers through her damp curls, knowing they were going to frizz out horribly when they dried, she dashed across the hall to her bedroom, dressing equally as fast. All in all, she’d only taken about fifteen minutes, but the thought of April flirting mercilessly with him for that long left a frenzied feeling in Jessie’s stomach. One she knew she’d have to deal with eventually, but not today. As she slipped on some comfortable shoes, she wondered what Kai was doing back here so soon. Surely he could have called April to make arrangements with her.

  Cautiously peeking her head out the door, Jessie could hear light laughter trickle back to her. She recognized it as both April’s and Harmony’s and was momentarily elated that her best friend was still here. At least April would keep the PDA to a minimum with Harmony also in the room.

  Trying to feel a calm that she really didn’t, Jessie lifted her chin and walked out to join the group sitting on the couch. Kai was talking with Harmony, a light smile on his face, and twisted to look over at Jessie when she entered. A warm smile crept onto Jessie’s face at seeing him. Even after all the drama of dinner last night, he never failed to bring a smile to her lips. Then April casually slipped her hand on his knee. Feeling very proud of herself, Jessie managed to keep a neutral face, only frowning internally.

  Kai stood, April’s hand causally slipping off of him as he did. With April leaning back on the couch, openly admiring his backside, Kai stepped up to Jessie. “Hey, sorry to barge in on you again…after last night.” The smile on his face faltered a little before slipping back on. Searching those beautiful blue-green eyes, Jessie was fairly certain that he was forcing himself to be as calm and collected as she was being.

  Jessie smiled reassuringly. They had to get through the awkwardness if they were ever going to truly be family. “Not a problem. Lord knows I’ve done it to you several times already.” Jessie laughed a little, remembering how her barging in on him usually involved him being shirtless.

  He grinned wider at hearing her laugh. Slinking his hands in his back pockets, which Jessie noticed made April’s admiring eyes widen, along with her seductive smile, Kai nodded his head at the door. “Sorry, I just never got a chance to show you something I got for you yesterday.”

  Intrigued, Jessie looked out the front window. All she saw was Kai’s sporty, red motorcycle. “Oh, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Jessie said, surprised that he would do something nice for her.

  He chuckled, shaking his head. “Are you kidding, after everything you’ve done for me? I owe you…a lot.” The way he said those two words drew Jessie’s attention back to him. The look in his eyes matched his voice and Jessie allowed herself a few seconds to get lost in them, before remembering that they weren’t alone.

  Flicking her eyes behind Kai, she breathed a quick exhale of relief that April was biting her lip, still staring at his assets; she’d completely missed that tender exchange. Shifting to Harmony, she was met with a pair of curious, pale eyes. Harmony hadn’t missed the softness of the moment. Jessie smiled quickly at her friend, hoping her casualness threw her off whatever track she may have gotten herself on. Harmony smiled back, looking none the wiser.

  All of that only taking a second or two, Jessie shifted her attention back to Kai. “Are you giving me your bike?” she asked playfully.

  Kai blinked at her sudden playfulness. Jessie knew she was faking it for her friends and hoped Kai played along. He broke out into a laugh, shaking his head. “Nice try, but, no.” Taking a step away from the couch, he glanced back at Harmony and April, watching. April’s eyes reluctantly went back up to his face as he looked at them. “Mind if I borrow your roommate for awhile?” He nodded his head at Jessie.

  Harmony laughed and shrugged. “Just bring her back in one piece.”

  April sighed and pouted, obliviously wanting to be the one being confiscated. “I guess…”

  Kai grinned and looked back at Jessie. “Want to go out to lunch with
me?” The look in his eye spoke volumes to Jessie. Her friends couldn’t see it from their angle, but there was almost a pleading quality there, like he knew he shouldn’t be here, at her house, asking her to drive off with him, but…he couldn’t stop himself either.

  Jessie sighed softly, knowing she shouldn’t say yes. He was supposed to be moving closer to April, not her. Wanting to tell him that she was too busy today, that he should take April instead, Jessie found herself shrugging and saying, “Sure, sounds like fun.” She just couldn’t tell Kai no.

  He smiled broadly at her, looking very relieved. Eying the light shirt she was wearing, he glanced out the window. “You may want to dress a little warmer.” He shivered under his layered clothes and thick jacket and Jessie grinned. She hadn’t been outside yet, but she was pretty sure it was mid-fifties at least, thankfully dry after the earlier storms, not nearly as cold as Kai thought it was. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep the heat up in my truck.”

  Kai rocked back on his heels and chuckled at her. “We’re not taking your truck.”

  He winked at her, and Jessie felt her heart surge a little. Then what he said sunk in and she glanced outside at his suddenly frail seeming bike. She’d never been on a bike before. Personally, she thought they were death traps. Her eyes widened at the thought of zipping down the road on one, the concrete flying by just a few inches below their toes. Her wide eyes came back to his amused face. “Your bike? But…we’ll be cold?”