It's All Relative

by S. C. Stephens

  Watching him listen to April for awhile, Jessie finally felt herself come down from that fateful moment; sadness crept in when she did. Kai’s eyes matched hers as he made agreeing noises into the phone. Then he blinked and cocked his head. “Costume party?” Jessie tilted her head while Kai frowned. “Halloween…right. Okay, I’ll pick you up at six.”

  Kai listened for a minute more and then smiled softly. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, April.” Shutting the phone, he tossed it on the bed. Staring at it, he ran a hand through his hair. “She, uh, just wanted to let me know about tomorrow.” He glanced up at Jessie, his eyes looking sorry again. Then he frowned. “She’s taking me to a Halloween costume party.”

  He let out an unhappy huff, resting both arms across his knees. Jessie smiled softly at seeing his displeasure, then felt guilty that he wasn’t looking forward to his date. She wanted him to be with April. She had to keep reminding herself of that. “I hate dressing up,” he muttered.

  Jessie smiled wider; she hated dressing up too. Sitting on the very edge of the bed, as far away from him as she could, she shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll have fun. What is she making you wear?” Jessie wanted to cringe that she was assuring him he’d have a good time on his date, right after they’d almost kissed…again.

  Shaking his head, his hand came up to run through his hair again. “You’re going to laugh.” Jessie bit her lip to make herself not smile, glad that he was the one being subjected to this and not her. He frowned at her face and then genuinely smiled. “She’s dressing me as a pirate.” Groaning dramatically, he leaned back on the headboard. “She wants to be a slutty bar wench and she seems to think I’ll look good as Captain Jack.” He twisted his lips, shaking his head.

  Jessie smiled, then frowned. Kai would look good as a pirate, but April… Jessie had seen her dress for Halloween before, and she was going to look…unbelievable. Jessie felt her eyes sting as she considered that this time tomorrow night, those lips that had been so tantalizingly close to hers, would most likely be all over April’s. She sighed. And they should be.

  Hearing her sigh, Kai dropped his hands to his lap. “Jessie,” he whispered, bringing her focus back to his face. “I’m sorry about…” He indicated the space beside him, where she’d been sitting. Jessie nodded, not having any words. Clearing his throat, he adjusted himself awkwardly. “Do you…do you want to finish the movie?” he asked quietly, his eyes looking like he wanted her to say yes and no.

  Jessie exhaled slowly. She did. More than anything she wanted to crawl into his lap and cuddle into his arms. She wanted his warmth wrapped around her. But she also wanted his body all over hers. She wanted them wrapped together in intimate ways that they couldn’t be. She wanted him to arouse her, then wanted him inside of her. Then she wanted him to release his lust and desire for her, deep within her. It sickened her, how badly she wanted it. Biting her lip, she shook her head, knowing she couldn’t be here any longer.

  “I think I should go,” she whispered.

  He looked down, understanding. Jessie stood and made to leave, then turned back to him; he was still looking down. Walking over to him slowly, he lifted his head as she drew near. “Goodbye, cousin,” she whispered, leaning down.

  She purely intended to kiss his cheek. That was all she’d allow herself. But as they drew together, she couldn’t make herself twist to the side like he had, not with the lingering fire in her body. Her lips went straight to his. Kai closed his eyes, not able to turn away either. Her hand came up to his cheek as they met - soft, full, wondrous. A perfect kiss. Perfect and awful, because it never should have happened.

  Feeling sick, Jessie left him on that bed, his eyes still closed.

  The following night, Jessie felt anxious. Both because of the soft kiss that never should have taken place between her and Kai the night before, and because April was in the bathroom, putting the finishing touches on her costume. She’d spent a good chunk of the morning getting everything that she needed for her outfit and instructing Kai on where to get his. They were going to a club downtown that was having a costume party and April was determined to win it.

  Watching April walk down the hall when she was finished, Jessie thought they might have a good chance. April looked amazing. Sexy and alluring, she had taken the slutty bar wench theme to extremes. She wasn’t the most buxom person, but she seemed to pour out of her laced-up peasant top, the edge of her black bra peeking through. Her long black hair was curled and arranged in such a way that half of it wrapped around to all spill over her bare shoulder. The long, tight skirt she wore was slit up both thighs, all the way to the top, and most of her shapely legs were showing. She was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings underneath it that had been strategically ripped in all of the right places. Black, thigh high boots, a wide belt, and gaudy, but authentic, jewelry completed the outfit.

  Grinning, she did a little twirl for Jessie in the middle of the room. Jessie made herself nod approval when what she really wanted to tell her friend was to go put some more clothes on. She couldn’t exactly tell her that without sounding like her mother though.

  As Jessie sighed at her seductive friend, the doorbell rang. Jessie’s heart dropped. Kai was here, but not for her.

  April giggled and walked to the door. Practically skipping as she opened it, she squealed when she saw Kai.

  Jessie stood up, torn between leaving and staying. She watched Kai give April a warm smile and then a soft hug. Over April’s shoulder, his eyes met and held Jessie’s.

  Her breath stopped at the look in them. If April ever saw that look, she’d know for sure that something had happened between her and Kai. His blue-green eyes were sad and wistful, like he’d rather have Jessie in his arms. The look only reaffirmed to Jessie that, even though this was hard, Kai dating was a good thing. He shouldn’t want her in that way, just like she shouldn’t want him.

  Kai and April pulled apart, his gaze refocusing on his date. His sad face shifted to a small smile of appreciation for the beauty in front of him. Even though his smile was a contained one, Jessie hated seeing that look directed towards anyone else.

  April yanked him through the front door, joyous over his outfit. Kai groaned wearily as she spun him around. Jessie had to bite her lip. She generally didn’t do the whole dress up thing, but Kai looked…pretty amazing as a pirate.

  April had him in scruffy, well-worn black trousers, heavy black boots over the top. A colorful scarf belt matched the ribbon color around April’s neck, and loosely tied halfway drown his chest, a white, lacey, bell-sleeved shirt exposed a good portion of Kai’s skin, although, not a speck of his tattoo. Over that was a black vest topped off with a long coat. He had on enough gaudy jewelry to rival April’s, but the kicker, and the part that Kai seemed the least happy about, was the ridiculous hat. Wide brimmed with a band around the middle that matched his belt, it completed the look; it even had a feather.

  As April clapped her hands and squealed again, thrilled over her date’s appearance, Jessie watched Kai sigh. He didn’t look very happy. Not noticing, April exclaimed that she had to get her purse and touch up her makeup, then they could go.

  Jessie walked over to him once she left the room. Crossing her arms over her chest as a precaution, just so she wouldn’t touch him, she nodded at his outfit. “You look good,” she whispered.

  He gave her a glum look. “I feel like an idiot.” Jessie cracked a smile, but didn’t say anything. He looked anything but.

  As Jessie stood before him, Kai looked down at the floor, kicking a nonexistent object with his boot. “Hey…um, yesterday…” He peeked up at her, biting his lip and looking very apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

  Jessie wanted to sigh. Yesterday hadn’t been just his fault. They’d both given in. Shaking her head, she whispered, “It wasn’t all you, Kai.” She looked away from him, the memory of his lips briefly on hers too fresh, too wonderful and too horrible. “We’ve got to stop this from happening. We can’t…be like that.”

  He s
tepped towards her, nodding his head but not saying anything. Jessie was relieved that he didn’t want to delve into their complicated feelings. As she looked him over, she instantly remembered their kiss, and the fact that it would soon be replaced by April’s. Even if he didn’t initiate it, Jessie was one hundred percent positive that April would. Her eyes started to water and she quickly looked away.

  His hand came out, resting on her arm, and Jessie peeked up at him. His unbelievable eyes flicked over her face, looking worried. “Are you okay with this tonight? Are you sure you’re okay?” he whispered.

  Jessie watched this man before her, a man about to go off and have an amazing night with one of her best friends. A friend that Jessie knew really liked him. Hating how hard the situation they were in was, hating that she had to share him, hating that she didn’t want to share him, Jessie swallowed and slowly nodded her head. “Yesterday only goes to show that you and I need this…buffer between us.” Her voice cracked a little on the word buffer.

  Kai’s eyes narrowed at hearing it and his hand shifted to her cheek. “Are we okay?” he asked, more intently. He stepped into her, his head coming closer to hers. “Please, tell me we’re okay, Jessie. Seeing April isn’t worth it to me if…if we’re not okay.”

  Jessie swallowed again, her hand coming up to rest over his. Of course they were okay. They were too okay, that was the problem. They were perfect for each other, perfectly matched, perfectly balanced. But they couldn’t be anything more than what they were - cousins. Peeking up at him, she muttered, “You and I are always okay, Kai, no matter what. That’s a part of being family.”

  Kai pulled back to look at her, his face so torn it nearly broke Jessie’s heart. Pulling his hand from her cheek, she nodded and forced a smile. He had to do this. He had to leave with April and had to try and make a connection with her that would break this thing between them. He had to…or they’d eventually cave to this, and hate themselves.

  Letting his fingers fall away from hers, Kai nodded. As Jessie took a step away from him, April trounced back into the room. Clutching her purse, she dug in and pulled out her keys. Giving Kai an admonishing glance, she pointed the keys at him. “We’re taking my car this time.” She grinned as she looked back at Jessie. “No more helmet hair for this girl.”

  Kai sighed again as she grabbed his hand. April waved goodbye to Jessie, then opened the door, yanking Kai through it. Before he disappeared, he looked back at Jessie watching them leave.

  “Goodnight, Jessie,” he said softly.

  Jessie nodded, words not even possible. The door closing separated him from her vision and Jessie couldn’t make herself move to a window to watch him leave this time. She couldn’t move at all. She just kept staring at the door, waiting for him to come back through it. Waiting for him to tell her that he couldn’t go off with April. Waiting for him to say that he was hopelessly, madly in love with her. But she knew that he wouldn’t do that, even if he did feel that way. He wouldn’t do that because he’d told Jessie that he would try with April. Because neither one of them were going to willingly give into this taboo feeling that was only escalating between them.

  No, because he cared deeply for Jessie, Kai would make himself see another woman. As the sound of April’s car starting and leaving filled Jessie’s ears, she finally found the strength to move. She shuffled off to bed, collapsing into it and burying her head under the covers. Even though she tried to block the image, all she could think about was Kai dancing with April - his hands on her body, his fingers running up her back, and his lips lingering over her mouth.

  Her stomach hurt by the time she finally passed out, exhausted.

  Chapter 15

  The Third Date

  Jessie smiled at her grandmother doing a small dance in front of her. The old woman was flapping her scrawny arms around and shuffling her feet side to side in a sort of loose interpretation of the world famous chicken dance. Jessie knew that the independent woman was trying to convince her that she was completely healed, and that she didn’t need either Jessie or Kai dropping in on her every day. Jessie had been hearing this every time she did check on her, which was at least every other day since her grandmother had injured herself, four weeks ago.

  Jessie contained giggles as she watched her grams strut her ancient stuff around her living room. She was humming merrily, thoroughly playing up the healthy and vibrant image of herself that she wanted Jessie to believe. Jessie knew that she was tough, but she saw the occasional flinches of pain in her jaw when she shimmied her hip the wrong way.

  Jessie lost control of her laughs when her grams started shaking her booty. “Oh, all right, you’re a healed woman. Got it, please stop doing that now.” Jessie held her stomach as her laughs consumed her. She gave into it, enjoying the feeling of lightheartedness for a change. She hadn’t been feeling that much lately.

  Her personal life for the past few weeks since Grams accident had been hard and confusing on Jessie, especially the past week. The past week had twisted Jessie up in ways she couldn’t even fully express. And she couldn’t talk to anyone about it either. Well, no one but Kai, that was. But since Kai was the focal point of her torment, she couldn’t exactly talk to him about it. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway if she talked to him, since they were both agreed that what he was doing was for the best.

  And the worst part was that what he was doing was all Jessie’s stupid idea in the first place. She’d convinced him, time and again, that he should give April a chance.

  Jessie had cried after watching him leave with April for their second date. She hadn’t wanted to, but lying in bed, imagining them together, the tears had come regardless. April had looked more gorgeous than Jessie had ever seen her, and that was saying a lot. And she knew that Kai noticed April, what guy wouldn’t? It hurt to see, but really, it was all the better if he was attracted to April. Lord knows she was attracted to him. Once again, Jessie had heard all about their date the next morning over breakfast.

  While their first date had been sort of a letdown for April, the second date was not.

  On their first go round, Kai had taken her to Red Rocks. Jessie had been to numerous concerts at the open-air amphitheater and knew that it was one of those things that was a marvel to behold. A place that truly showcased nature’s beauty, and only emphasized Kai’s feelings of living at peace with nature, instead of fighting against it. Being there, nestled among the monolith rocks, stone steps, and the most incredible panoramic view of Denver anywhere, it was the perfect spot for a first date and it was perfectly…Kai.

  At least, that’s what Jessie thought. While April had nothing but wonderful things to say about Kai afterwards, she complained over and over about his choice of location, listing everything from the bugs in her face to the dirt on her ass. Jessie still couldn’t understand how her friend hadn’t loved it. It sounded like a perfectly romantic evening to her.

  Perhaps afraid of what Kai would come up with for a second date, April had planned that outing. So, all decked out in their swashbuckling gear, they’d taken off in April’s Jetta. Looking back at that moment a few days later had clenched Jessie’s stomach painfully. Because looking back at the two of them walking off together, Jessie had finally noticed something. They looked good together. Not just good…they looked amazing together. Their similar ethnicities complimented the others and looking at them as a pair, they looked completely natural together, striking even.

  Over breakfast, April had let the entire house know just how closely they’d danced together all night, how his hands had slipped over her body perfectly, like he already knew her intimately. Between dance sets, they’d shared quiet conversations over drinks in the back corner, and April couldn’t get over the fact that he would let her go on and on without ever interrupting her. Then, right at midnight, they’d won the stupid costume contest. Getting to prance about on the small stage with Kai had been April’s favorite part of the evening.

  Well, no, that wasn’t true. Her favorite p
art had been afterwards, in the car. They’d come back to the house and parked in the driveway. Then April had lost whatever inhibitions she didn’t really have, and had thrown herself on him. But from her story, it was quite clear that he’d reciprocated. Jessie had clenched her legs under the table, listening to April describe his kissing technique; she’d even given herself a deep blue bruise on her thigh.

  It hurt so much. Jessie would never have imagined how hard it was to see and hear him moving forward with someone else. Kai had called her the day after his date and she’d met him for lunch and a tour of the museum he’d wanted to see. He never mentioned his night before when he was with her, but the tension of it was in the air. The whole day had felt different to Jessie. Like, even though she wasn’t there, somehow, April was there. Her spirit was there, hovering between them, and for once, they’d managed to keep a respectful distance.

  That killed Jessie too, but really, it was the whole point of him seeing April, to break the connection they sometimes had. Even if Kai was only mildly interested in April, he needed to keep seeing her, because it was having an effect on them. A horribly painful effect, but an effect.