When Cornelia got in the house, she found her mother sitting on the chair in the living room, staring at her.
“Sorry, mom,” Cornelia said, but she got cut off.
“You’re sorry? I’ve been worried sick for hours but you’re sorry?” Veronica said. “I have a mind to ground you for another three months, young lady! As a matter of fact I think I will. No internet, no cell phone, no television, and no Chad Barrington. Do you hear me?!”
“Mom, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain,” Cornelia pleaded.
“You want to explain? Fine, but don’t expect the outcome to be any different.”
“I couldn’t call you because I don’t have a cell phone,” Cornelia said, rolling her eyes slightly.
“Why didn’t you use the phone at school?” Veronica asked.
“The school was locked by the time we got back,” Cornelia replied.
“Why didn’t you use your friend’s cell phone? What’s her name?”
“Admeta doesn’t have a cell phone.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious.”
“You have a friend who doesn’t own a cell phone, or did she get hers taken away too?” Veronica asked skeptically.
“No. Her family can’t afford a cell phone. Their home phone was shut off too. That’s why I couldn’t call you from her house either, before you ask. They aren’t like us, mom,” Cornelia said. When she was through berating her mother, Veronica inexplicably started to laugh.
“I’m serious, mom. It’s not funny. I feel bad for them,” Cornelia said, annoyed.
“No,” Veronica said, trying to stop her laughter. “No, I know you’re serious, CC. I’m actually proud of you for feeling bad for them. That’s not why I’m laughing.”
“Then why are you laughing?” Cornelia asked.
“Because this is all a farce, CC,” Veronica said motioning around the room. “All of it.”
“What do you mean?” Cornelia asked, puzzled.
“I mean that you coming home late was the perfect excuse to ground you from your cell phone, internet and the television longer. You fell right into my plan. It was exactly what I needed.”
“I don’t get it,” Cornelia said.
Veronica became somber, “Don’t you see, CC? I didn’t ground you from those things because of what you did. Well it WAS because of what you did, but there was more reasoning behind it than that. I also grounded you from those things because I can’t afford to pay the bills anymore,” she said.
“What do you mean?” Cornelia asked.
“I mean that your father’s alimony and child support aren’t enough to sustain us in the lifestyle to which we have become accustomed, my dear,” she said and Cornelia began to suspect that her mother was drunk. “It’s not just those little extras like the cell phone and the satellite. It’s the house payment too,” Veronica said and stopped laughing. Cornelia looked frightened and sat down on the couch adjacent to her mother, but she did not speak.
Veronica leaned in close to Cornelia. The smell of red wine was on her breath. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to sell the house and move into a smaller place,” Veronica said, putting one hand on Cornelia’s knee. “I’ve been putting off telling you, but there’s no point in keeping it from you anymore. That’s why Michelle was here, CC. She’s a real estate agent. She was appraising the house,” Veronica said.
“And it took her all night?” Cornelia asked, pushing Veronica’s hand off her knee.
“No. We went to dinner to discuss the sale and it got late so she spent the night. The next morning she toured the house and told me where she thought the appraiser would set the value. The appraiser is coming Friday while you’re at the game, by the way.”
Cornelia sat quietly for a moment, then said, “So, you were just going to do all this behind my back and hope I didn’t find out? Didn’t you think I might suspect something when I saw the for sale sign on the lawn?”
Veronica was affronted. “Oh, that’s right, CC, it’s all a conspiracy against you,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I wanted him to come while you were at the game so I could put off telling you. Do you think this is easy for me, CC? It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, to admit that I can’t take care of you,” Veronica said and her voice quivered with emotion. Cornelia suddenly felt sick to her stomach. It was like her entire life was a lie since her parents’ divorce.
Cornelia put down her bag and purse and took off her coat and left them all on the couch as she got up. Then she went over to sit on the arm of the chair and put her arms around her mother. She wasn’t sure if she was comforting her mother or if it was the other way around, but one thing was for sure, Veronica and Cornelia hadn’t had a moment like this since Cornelia was a little girl.
“It’s o.k. mom. This house is too big for the two of us anyway,” Cornelia offered and her mother began to weep. She wasn’t just crying, she was wailing. Cornelia had never seen her mother act that way before. She was shaking from the mere force of Veronica’s sobs. Veronica had always been very stoic, almost cold, and Cornelia was suddenly sorry for every bad thing she ever said to her. Soon tears were streaming down Cornelia’s face too. Mother and daughter embraced tighter. Cornelia hadn’t felt that close to her mother in a very long time.
Suddenly the two began apologizing to each other as if it were a contest. “Mom, I’m sorry I’ve been such an idiot lately.”
“No, it’s not your fault, CC, it’s mine. I’ve failed you as a mother and I’m sorry.”
“Come on mom, you did the best you could. I’m the one who has been screwing up and I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“No, CC, I failed you not only as a mother but as your provider.”
Cornelia looked slightly annoyed. “Mom, I’m trying to apologize here, can’t you just let me have this one?” The two pulled out of their embrace and looked at each other. Suddenly both broke up with laughter. Cornelia was laughing so hard she slid to the floor and hugged her mom’s shin. “It’s going to be o.k. mom,” Cornelia reassured her mother, and their laughter died down as they both wiped their tears.
“CC, since we’re being honest,” Veronica said. “I should probably tell you something else.”
“What’s that?” Cornelia asked.
“Michelle didn’t spend the night because it got late,” Veronica said, and then hesitated. “She spent the night because I asked her to.”
“Oh,” Cornelia said innocently. She sat a moment and thought about what her mother had just said. Veronica was holding her breath. “Oh!” Cornelia said again, putting the pieces together. The two of them were suddenly very still and staring straight ahead.
After a few minutes, Cornelia stood up. “Well, I should do my homework,” she said, and picked up her book bag and purse.
“CC, don’t you want to have dinner first?” Veronica asked, starting to stand up out of her chair.
“No, thanks, mom, I’m not hungry, just put mine in the fridge,” Cornelia shouted back as she went up the stairs. Veronica began to protest but Cornelia had already reached the upstairs landing. When she closed her bedroom door she let out a huge breath she had been holding in since her mother’s revelation. She began to almost hyperventilate, but she tried to calm herself.
Daruma was looking at her sympathetically. “Oh, as if you can relate,” Cornelia said to him, putting her book bag down on the ground and sitting on her bed. “I suppose you have a jobless lesbian mother too?” Cornelia asked rhetorically. “You can’t relate unless it happens to you, Daruma,” Cornelia said. “Oh my God, is this what I’ve become? Someone who talks to a doll?” Cornelia said, but she was smiling as if amused by the whole thing.
She finished her homework and spent the rest of the night lying on her bed thinking. She didn’t go down to get her dinner because she was afraid she’d run into Veronica and she didn’t know what to say to her at that moment. Her thoughts were racing all over the place. When she tried to sleep her mind just
kept going.
“Oh my god, we’re going to lose our house and everything else we have,” she thought. Then her thoughts turned to her mother. “Oh my God, my mom is gay.” Cornelia thought her entire world had been turned upside down. She didn’t really care much about Veronica being gay except for what Steve had said in Writers on the Storm. She had a few gay friends and it didn’t bother her that her mother could be gay. But Steve talked about how people picked on him, even physically assaulted him because he is gay. She didn’t want that for her mother. She worried that her mother could get hurt.
Through the darkness she could still see Daruma’s one sympathetic eye staring at her. “Let’s you and I get some things straight, Daruma,” she said, sitting up in bed and pointing a finger at Daruma. “First, you’re not going to judge my mother because she’s gay. That’s a given. Second, you’re not going to feel sorry for me about anything that happened today. And third, we are going to be just fine. Do you hear me, you creepy old monk? FINE! That’s what we’re going to be, me and my mom,” she said, but it was clear she was really trying to reassure herself.
Chapter 17
The Morning After
Writers on the Storm Page 16