Witch's Guide To A Magical Life: Magic and Mayhem Universe (Baba Yaga Adventures)

by Donna McDonald

  Witch’s Guide To A Magical Life

  Baba Yaga Adventures, Book 2

  Donna McDonald

  Visit Donna’s Website

  Copyright © 2019 by Donna McDonald

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

  The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.

  * * *

  Cover by MYST Partners

  Edited by MYST Partners

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Foreword

  Book Description

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Note From The Author

  Other Books By This Author

  About the Author

  Dedication

  Thanks to Robyn Peterman for inviting me into her fabulous Magic and Mayhem world.

  Foreword

  Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!

  * * *

  I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.

  * * *

  What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?

  * * *

  Well, let me explain…

  * * *

  It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you… the results are hilarious!

  * * *

  So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!

  * * *

  For all the stories, go to magicandmayhemuniverse.com. Grab your copy today!

  Book Description

  The Baba Yaga job hadn’t come with a witch’s guide to a magical life.

  * * *

  Ahmed is leaving and people are escaping the magic pokey. Carol—aka the Baba Yaga—is winging it the best she can in this new light paranormal installment of the Baba Yaga Adventures.

  * * *

  She’s got a jail break at the magical pokey to deal with and two persistent men wanting to take her bed. The warlock geezer guarding the jail thinks he saw a dragon. Carol thinks it’s old enemy come back to seek revenge. Sorting out her love life? That’s going to have to wait.

  * * *

  How did any of her predecessors ever do this job without zapping everyone in sight? Carol has no freaking idea but now she’s under orders from the former Jezibaba to pick a warlock posse before her familiar leaves. Ahmed’s sentence has been served and he’s done.

  * * *

  Her goose is cooked if she has to drag warlocks along to do her work. Why can’t people just back off and let her do the job her way?

  * * *

  Turns out everyone’s time is up, including hers.

  1

  After the longest bout of fighting she’d endured so far as the Baba Yaga, Carol poofed back into her apartment for some well-deserved rest.

  For three long miserable days, she’d battled a resurrected, one-eyed giant who’d been sent to torment the Amazons. Apparently, one of them had ritually bedded and left a sorcerer who hadn’t handled rejection well.

  Everyone knew that’s how Amazon females worked. Each woman had a whole speech she gave before sharing a man’s bed. Jilted lovers had no business sending necromanced creatures as relationship ending gifts.

  “Ahmed? Are you home?” Carol called out, looking around for her familiar who had ignored her orders to tidy up the place while she was gone.

  Her current familiar was a djinn who had been appointed to serve her by the Jezibaba. He’d popped in on her once or twice but left when he saw she was okay. Being male, she guessed he was a bit intimated by the Amazon females she was helping, Ahmed hadn’t stayed.

  The giant was gone now, but the Amazons still hunted for the scorned magical who’d brought the giant back from beyond the veil. They promised to let her know when he was found, and she’d gotten to come home—thank the goddess.

  Sighing from both mental and physical exhaustion, and her keen disappointment at finding a messy house and no one to greet her, Carol pulled out the emergency wand the Jezibaba had insisted she carry for times when she needed a magical boost.

  Today was one of those days.

  To end the fight with the giant once and for all, she’d allowed herself to be swallowed whole so she could explode the giant from the inside. The many, many pieces of him were then gathered up and burned so no further regeneration could take place.

  Since he wasn't a firebird, her plan had worked just fine—except for the part where ended up covered in the giant’s blood and guts. The Amazons had made sure she got physically clean, but there was nothing they could do to erase the memory of being swallowed by a such a vile creature.

  Carol’s tired eyes looked around as she idly twirled the wand and tried to think what to do to fix her house. Green swirls of glitter started filling the air. A small smile finally pulled at her lips. What female didn’t like a little bit of sparkly, magical glitter dust now and again?

  All the rest was just a clever—and she hoped not too selfish—spell.

  “Come braying donkeys and hopping toads,

  transform into servants and clean my abode.

  For your service, you shall live thrice.

  Let no one ever say the Baba Yaga isn’t nice.”

  When the doorbell rang, Carol smiled smugly as she walked to answer. She opened it still smiling… and then she screamed. Six different combinations of toad-donkey creatures bowed their ghastly heads in greeting.

  When the shock abated, Carol rolled her eyes at her own reaction and glared upwards to wherever Morgana was hiding and watching. Her Goddess just loved to play jokes on her. This was a good one, but Morgana’s timing sucked.

  She looked back at the pitiful beings she’d created and pointed her wand at them. “I meant for you to transform into humans temporarily.”

  All six of them morphed immediately into mostly human creatures, but humans with either donkey or toad face. She fisted a hand on her hip and glared. “That’s not what I meant either, but you’ll have to do. This place is a mess, and I need to rest. Oh, just do your best.”

  And now she was rhyming like a freaking Troll…

  Carol wearily stepped aside and ushered the creatures into her house. One frog woman croaked to a donkey man who brayed back. That se
emed to be all the communication necessary. The six of them dispersed and soon had cleaning rags and dusters in their now mostly human hands.

  Carol gave herself a moment to feel gratitude that any creature would come to her with so mundane a task as housekeeping. Were perks like this worth being swallowed by a necromanced giant?

  She paused to remember how bad it had been inside the giant’s stomach.

  “Seven hells to the no,” she muttered quietly.

  In the kitchen, a donkey brayed out a question.

  “No. No. Everything’s fine,” Carol called out in answer. “Just talking to myself.”

  When a frog croaked in relief, it made her laugh despite how tired she was.

  2

  Before she could head to the shower and shed another layer of grossness, Ahmed finally poofed into the room. She looked down at his doggie form and frowned. Where were his doggie clothes? Her familiar never left the house without at least a bow tie around his neck.

  Ahmed scratched at the floor, looked around in disgust, and then growled to show his displeasure at what she’d done.

  “Neither of us have been here to do any chores. I had to do something,” Carol explained as her hand swept out. “Where were you all this time? I thought your job was taking care of me. I’ve been home long enough to cast a dozen spells.”

  Ahmed stopped growling, hung his head, and stared at the floor.

  “Come on, dude, stop with the moping. That was sarcasm. I’m tired and need comfort food. You know being hangry isn’t pretty on me.”

  Carol hoped her familiar accepted her half-hearted apology. She was too tired to be any nicer. “Besides, everyone deserves some privacy now and again. I was just worried about where you’d gone. Are you okay?”

  Ahmed barked sharply once and without meeting her gaze trotted off to check on their housekeepers.

  “Great. Now he’ll brood for hours because I let someone else clean up…”

  Carol reached under her skirt and put the wand back into the thigh holster she’d made for it.

  Unlike the ample-boobed Jezibaba who’d trained her and the full-boobed Shifter Whisperer she called friend, Carol didn’t have any storage room at the top. Technically, she didn’t even need to wear a bra and often didn’t. All the magical tools she kept handy had to be stored in pockets or elsewhere on her person. The holster had been the Jezibaba’s idea. She said she’d worn one during the time she’d needed two or three emergency wands to make it through her day.

  Before Carol could decide what to conjure for dinner for her and Ahmed, the whole house suddenly rocked as something huge hit the ground outside and shook the earth in the process.

  Donkey braying, frog croaking, and then angry dog barking instantly filled her house in response to it.

  Carol wobbled with the aftershocks and then righted herself, snorting when the doorbell rang only once before falling silent. Only a dragon would have that kind of nerve, and she knew several. The only question was which of them was now at her door. Some days she could tell, but today her magical senses were as tired as the rest of her.

  Sighing, Carol moved forward to open the door only to be unexpectedly blocked from doing so by a growling, still angrily barking familiar who’d managed to wedge his small doggie self between her and the entrance.

  “What’s wrong now?” Carol asked in exasperation, fisting both hands on her hips. “We both know that’s a dragon standing at the door. Dragons do not go away when you ignore them, Ahmed. They set your freaking house on fire. I am not going to be explaining to Morgana that I let the house she found for me get burned down because I was afraid to open my door to a dragon. Especially since several of them practically raised me.”

  Ahmed plopped down and glared up at her.

  “Don’t give me that stubborn look. We’ve had this discussion many times before. I’m the Baba Yaga. I serve all magicals—even dragons. Move your djinn ass out of the way, buster.”

  Ahmed growled low and showed his teeth.

  Carol groaned. “Will you please stop worrying? The whole species knows I killed a dragon. I’m not ashamed. Professor Smoke said the dragons didn’t blame me for killing Thane.”

  Ahmed jumped to all fours, snorted, turned around, and then scratched the hardwood floor in rebellion.

  Carol grunted and shook her head. “Of course, I’m going to be careful. I’m always careful with dragons.” She winced when Ahmed yipped twice. “Jacob was a baby dragon. How was I supposed to know he’d develop a crush on me just because I said hello? That doesn’t count as a mistake or a problem. Professor Smoke said his grandson still thinks girls have cooties.”

  Yanking the door open, Carol smiled at her visitor before turning to smirk at Ahmed. “See? I told you everything was fine. It’s the Jezibaba.”

  “I must disagree. I’m Elenora the Dragoness, especially in the presence of the Baba Yaga,” Elenora reminded her.

  Carol chuckled. “I can’t seem to catch a break today. Everybody’s a critic of my words. Welcome to my crazy home, Elenora the Dragoness.”

  Elenora chuckled at the sarcasm and crossed the threshold. Ahmed immediately turned into a camel and bellowed loudly in Elenora’s face.

  Carol’s mouth dropped open at his rudeness before her irritation exploded.

  Purple glitter flew from her swinging hands and covered the entire room, including all three of them. “What in seven hells is wrong with you today, Ahmed?”

  She snapped her fingers and pointed at him. Ahmed immediately turned back into a dog and barked wildly while running around in mad circles.

  “Hush,” she ordered firmly.

  Her witch power over her familiar allowed her such control, so Ahmed immediately stopped protesting and sat. Having authority in this instance didn’t make her happy because Carol could count on one hand the number of times she’d ever had to use that control with Ahmed.

  She didn’t understand why he was being so difficult.

  She’d thought they were better friends than that. And he had absolutely no reason to be rude to their guest.

  Carol turned to Elenora. “I’m sorry. Ahmed wasn’t here when I got home, and he’s been acting crazy since he got back. He even tried to stop me from opening the door to let you in.”

  Elenora crossed her arms and glared down at the dog, glaring up at her. “You didn’t tell her, did you? Letting Carol find out the hard way is not fair, Ahmed. Nor is it the honorable way to handle this situation.”

  Ahmed’s low grumble vibrated the floor beneath him as he sank down to it and put his head on his paws in defeat.

  “Tell me what?” Carol asked, looking between the two of them before letting her gaze rest on Elenora.

  “This is exactly why I came,” Elenora said with a sigh as she turned to a woman who was like a daughter to her. It seemed like all she ever got to deliver was terrible news to Carol. “Ahmed’s magical sentence is nearly at its end. I’m sorry he didn’t tell you himself since he already has the power of human speech back. His natural form has also fully returned to his control. You might say Ahmed’s on magical probation now. He will be completely free at the end of the month.”

  Carol burst out laughing and clapped her hands. “Hey, that’s great, Ahmed. Now we get to be human together.” She smiled as she looked at her brooding familiar. “That is great news, isn’t, Ahmed? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

  When Ahmed refused to comment, Elenora sighed again. “I’m guessing because it means you’ll soon be getting a new familiar and Ahmed hasn’t accepted the idea yet,” she said bluntly.

  Carol’s smile instantly faded. “Oh… right… I forgot him being here was his job. I guess I thought we… well, never mind. We both knew this would happen sometime. Right, Ahmed?”

  Elenora shook her head. “It’s even more complicated than you know, Carol. Another familiar will come to you eventually, but as the Baba Yaga, you should never be unguarded or without magical help. You can’t delay making your choices any longer.
I’m sorry, but I must insist you do what’s right before Ahmed has to leave.”

  Carol closed her eyes and groaned. “But I don’t want a warlock posse. They’re so clingy. And annoying. Goddess, are they annoying. I mean, like really, really annoying. The hovering alone is maddening. I don’t know how you ever stood it.”

  Elenora shrugged in answer. “I agree completely about the warlocks, but you’re the Baba Yaga. You must have them for backup. What did you do with the ones from my posse who stayed to work with you?”

  Carol bit her lip. “Well… I…” She looked off. She looked back at the witch protectress she’d replaced and laughed nervously. “I guess I sort of fired them.”

  “Carol…” Elenora said with disappointment in her tone.

  “Why did I need warlocks when Ahmed could turn into a Thunderbird? My familiar has been all the help I’ve needed.”

  Jezibaba fisted hands on her hips and glared at her stubborn replacement. “I can’t believe you fired the fully trained warlocks who volunteered to stay and serve you.”