Witch's Guide To A Magical Life: Magic and Mayhem Universe (Baba Yaga Adventures)

by Donna McDonald

  Carol laughed. It wasn’t really funny, just… well, actually, it was funny. And typical. But that look they’d shared? That was not typical. It was so unexpected.

  “Fabio doesn’t seem to have changed one single bit since I knew him in school.”

  “Maybe he hasn’t in some ways,” Harry admitted. “But he’s also not exactly what you think he is either. Women are really his only vice. That warlock is extraordinary… and I come from the House of Merlin. I wouldn’t say that without meaning it. He’s the most powerful warlock I’ve ever known.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me either. His sister is extraordinary. She could have been the Baba Yaga herself and almost was,” Carol said, sighing as she thought of Hildy. “I’m nearly desperate enough to visit that menagerie Hildy calls her healing room just to talk to her about this.”

  Harry put both hands in his pockets. “You should go to see your friend. I’ll take care of the warlocks. Your djinn doesn’t scare me… well, not much anyway. I think he likes me more now that I chose your side over Fabio’s.”

  Carol laughed at Harry’s confession. “Ahmed and I are in the middle of a... let’s call it a thing. He wants to sleep with me. I’ve turned him down. He’s acting like a jealous ass, which is a phase I hope passes before he leaves at the end of the month. Until yesterday, he wasn’t even able to turn into a human. I’ve had one hell of a week between the necromanced giant and finding out Ahmed’s got a woman waiting for him to be released. Giving up men seems to be a recurrent theme in my life.”

  “I’m sorry, Great One. I was going to tell you about Ibarra, but I thought you were already sleeping with your Djinn. He sort of indicated that was your relationship...”

  Carol snorted. “We do sleep together, but he’s always a dog. I mean that literally. And the Jezibaba told me about Ibarra. Ahmed didn’t. Is there anything you don’t know about my life, Harry?”

  “Sure. There are lots of things I don’t know,” Harry answered with a smile. “But there’s absolutely nothing I can’t find out. Omniscience is my scrying gift. It came from Merlin himself and runs in all my family.”

  Nodding, Carol stood up. “You and I have an energy connection too. It must be a strong one because you know far too much about me and yet that doesn’t make me want to kill you. That bodes well for your future as my lead warlock.”

  “We do have an energy connection, Great One.” Harry grinned and snapped his fingers. “It’s like we both belong in the Breakfast Club movie. You’re the smart, tough girl who’s never felt accepted. I’m the misunderstood street-smart guy with a good heart and mad magic skills.”

  Carol chuckled at his imaginative story. “And Fabio is the jock jerk who’s stupid about women,” she added.

  Harry grinned. “Jock? Admittedly, the warlock does play a mean game of rugby when you can drag him away from his studies. In my humble opinion, Fabio’s more like the nerdy academic kid who has bad social skills.”

  “Bad social skills are not news to me. I never saw anything but the worst in him. The academic part surprises me.”

  “Well, it has a dark side. Never play cards with the man. Fabio’s a ruthless gambler who’ll take every last dime from you without a shred of remorse. I learned that the hard way.”

  Carol closed her eyes. She wanted to giggle. She wanted things she shouldn’t. Fabio was not the one for her. He was just some sort of weird flash from her past that she needed to get over. Morgana was crossing a line in trying to hook them up.

  “I don’t want to like him, Harry. I will do everything else the goddess wants, but I will not do Fabio. She didn’t pick the love of the Jezibaba’s life. I’m not going to let her pick mine.”

  Harry scratched his head. “Are you willing to risk losing the energy connection between you and Fabio? It’s strong. Fabio thinks you’re perfect and I can tell he would die for you. That’s a pretty big deal for a warlock. We tend to be a bit lukewarm about the woman we love, even the ones we commit to eventually.”

  Shrugging at a truth she was aware of, Carol walked away to gaze up into a tree. She needed time to think. “Maybe I will go see Hildy. Will you pick the best warlocks for me to check out tomorrow?”

  “There are few I know who… well, let’s just say they’re my best blokes. Don’t worry—Fabio isn’t in that group. He’s his own group of one. No other warlock is like him.”

  “Fine. Tell Ahmed I’ll be back later. Don’t forget Marvin.”

  “Marvin is impressive. His deep voice is worth keeping him around.”

  Carol grinned at Harry’s teasing. “We’re going to be fine together, aren’t we, Harry?”

  “Indeed, we will.” Harry snapped his fingers and brought his bowler back. He positioned it on his head, then bowed to the Baba Yaga. “I’m off to do the Baba Yaga’s bidding. Want me to bring you a third breakfast? Your second one is probably cold by now.”

  Shaking her head, Carol let a grin tug her lips up. “Your primary job is to keep the warlocks in line and out of my hair.”

  “It shall be done,” Harry said. “Want me to tell them they have to dress like us?”

  Bursting out, Carol laughed until the tears streamed. “No. Goddess, I’d so love to do that, but I’m not allowed.”

  “Not allowed? How can that be? You’re the Baba Yaga.”

  Carol laughed again before answering. “The Jezibaba made me feel guilty for wanting to use fashion as posse criteria. I don’t want her mad at me so the warlocks can wear their butt ugly robes just as long as the ugliness doesn’t mess with my mojo.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m going to rock this job. I won’t let anything mess with you,” Harry promised, popping off to do what she’d asked.

  After Harry left, Carol sat back down on the iron bench. Before she’d learned who he was, something inside her had leaped with joy over the look passing between her and Fabio. There was real fire between them. She’d be a bigger idiot than he was to pretend that wasn’t the case. It had to be acknowledged and dealt with, just as she’d had to do with all her other weaknesses.

  But passion couldn’t be allowed to progress between her and the womanizing warlock—it just couldn’t. She didn’t have the time or energy to spend keeping Fabio in line. He’d just have to become a better man without her.

  Instead of going to see Hildy, who would be overjoyed to hear her brother had semi-succeeded in semi-seducing her, Carol stayed on the bench and pondered the crazy turn her life seemed to be taking.

  It didn’t surprise her when Ahmed in dog form suddenly appeared beside her on the bench. Somehow, he always knew where she was and always came when she sincerely needed him.

  It crossed her mind that she should be mad that Ahmed let Harry think they were lovers. Hildy would have said that was just how guys were, but Carol didn’t put up with that kind of crap from males.

  But Ahmed wasn’t like other males, and she needed to get Zen about him. Them becoming lovers wasn’t ever going to be true anyway. She’d already made that decision.

  Letting her concerns about it go, she ran a hand over his silky dog fur and smiled as Ahmed carefully crawled into her lap.

  “This is definitely what I’m going to miss most,” she whispered. “I can’t imagine loving any familiar more than I’ve loved you. Thank you for being so good to me, Prince Ahmed. I know I haven’t always deserved it.”

  He doggie grumbled as he settled into her lap to be petted. Carol caved to his unspoken demands and ran her hand more firmly over his shiny coat. Ahmed growled low and pressed against her.

  “I know. Don’t scold me for getting distracted from my work. You’ve been a bit part of it. And yes, I know I have a dragon trained in magic to catch. Let’s assume Sir Grumpus is right. Dragons typically do not show mercy, nor do they bother with the rest of creatures on this earth. Something else is going on, Ahmed. Tomorrow I’m going to start figuring out what.”

  It was not like her to spend so much time contemplating her life and its degree of suckage.
Petting Ahmed was at least soothing, and the repetitive activity gave her time to think about things. Things like her worrisome physical connection to the last male on earth that she wanted to be connected to.

  When Carol finally returned to the house with Ahmed in her arms, she was appalled to find an enormous bird cage taking up most of her backyard. Twenty warlocks were lounging on chairs beside it. The warlock lounging inside of the cage—the red-haired idiot she now lusted for yet also abhorred—was telling Goddess only knew what kind of stories to her posse finalists. The way they were all laughing, you’d have thought there was a party going on.

  “Did you lock Fabio in a cage before you came to me?” One unrepentant bark was her answer.

  Carol rolled her eyes as she tossed Ahmed onto the ground. He scratched the grass in irritation and then trotted off toward the birdcage.

  “Bad doggie,” she called after him. He growled at her complaining, but it was apparent Ahmed didn’t care.

  Strolling over to the weird scene, she ignored Fabio in the cage and looked at the rest of the warlocks. “Hi, guys. I only have seven openings, but I’d like to keep the rest of you on reserve. How does that sound?”

  With a bunch of positive murmurings and more head bowing than she’d ever witnessed before, the warlocks started poofing away one by one. When they were all gone, Carol took a chair and pulled it up to face the warlock in the giant bird cage.

  “Nice athletic legs you got there, Baba Yagalicious. That short skirt shows them off perfectly,” Fabio said in greeting.

  His gaze on her was warm and kind and contained a genuine affection Carol didn’t want to see. He was not going to make this easy. “You and me—we’re never going to work, you know. I don’t share my men with other women. Ask Ahmed—and he’d better tell you the whole truth,” she announced loudly, glancing down.

  At her feet, her familiar growled over her revelation. Carol blew out a breath. Men were so sensitive, but she was tired of having to make peace. She turned back to glare at the male she considered to be the source of most of her current problems.

  “Why are you really here, Fabio? You had to know I wouldn’t hire you for my posse.”

  She watched his shoulders move up and down.

  “Why not?” he asked. “I’m more powerful than any of those warlocks who just left.”

  “It’s not just about power. It’s about character, ethics, and morals. I have standards…” Carol stopped in surprise as she realized what she said was profound.

  Great Goddess, she did have standards. Who knew? She had to clear the surprise from her throat to continue.

  She glared at Fabio again. It was hard work not to imagine those long fingers of his doing all sorts of wicked things her body. She couldn’t look at him and see any remnants of the dorky kid who chased her.

  “Let’s cut to the bottom line—your womanizing ways would one day force me to kill you,” Carol said with great conviction. “They would also make you vulnerable to be seduced and used, which I can’t allow to happen. Even in the best case scenario, you’d end up in the magic pokey for the rest of your life.”

  “Haven’t you been to bed with a lot of men?” Fabio asked.

  “I have,” Carol admitted. “I have standards about that too.”

  Fabio scratched his head. “I don’t understand how it’s okay for you but not okay for me to have a sexual past.”

  Carol grunted. “It’s about how you’ve chosen to do it. For example, I don’t have to hide from my lover’s families, spouses, or friends. I give the guy a hug at his door the morning after, thank him for the night before, and then I’m gone.”

  “How is that different from what I do? I never promise to stay, and I don’t hang around to give anyone false hopes.”

  Carol’s mouth twisted into a smirk. “I bet you say whatever it takes to get your way.”

  She knew she was right when Fabio looked away from her.

  “Ask your older sister to explain women to you,” Carol suggested. “Goddess knows, you need all the help you can get.”

  “I don’t care about the people in our pasts, Carol. I care about you. You’re the last woman I’m ever going to need. I know this in my heart,” Fabio stated, his gaze never wavering as he patted his chest.

  Laughing, Carol shook her head. “You just want to make the conquest, which doesn’t offend me. Like most men, you want to share a woman’s bed with as little emotional trouble as possible. If you treated me the way you treated Harry’s sister, I’d change you into some horrible creature who would never get laid again in his life. Hildy would never forgive me if I did that because your own sister is the one woman on earth who actually seems to like you.”

  “We’re not kids anymore, Carol. I can tell you like me too.”

  “I do like you, but I’m adult enough to know not to go after what’s bad for me. Five seconds of seeing shooting stars while I’m under you doesn’t seem worth the hassle of hating you later. You feel me?”

  Fabio shook his head. “Hours, Carol. It would be hours of shooting stars. I’d ruin you for other men. I’d make you forget your name and your title. I’d be the one to give you something as valuable as your work.”

  Carol slapped her forehead before glaring. “Are you hearing yourself? I’m the freaking Baba Yaga. There is nothing more important than my work.”

  Fabio nodded from behind bars. “Yes, I know what you are. I accept that and will learn to respect your boundaries.”

  “And the other women?”

  “The other women were only practice, Carol. I wanted to be the best for you. I will be the best for you. They meant nothing to me.”

  Carol rolled her eyes. “All men say that shit about the women they leave behind.”

  Fabio grinned. “Do you realize that every time you fuss at me, I get hard for you? I always have. When you look at me now with that Amazon directness you’ve developed, I feel stripped bare of all the bullshit I toss out into the world each day. You are the only woman I’m ever going to need under me going forward. I promise you that’s the truth.”

  Carol stood and paced. “Damn it, Fabio. How in seven hells can I get you to give up this craziness? You’re just obsessed because I’m the one woman who got away—the one woman who consistently says no. That’s all this is about.”

  “So say yes this time and see if you’re right. We’re both older… well, you’re older…” Fabio said with a grin. “I still feel sixteen, especially around you.”

  “The small difference in our ages does not make me much freaking older…”

  “Sleep with me,” Fabio ordered as he lifted a shoulder. “Sleep with me and prove I’m wrong about us.”

  Carol fisted hands on her hips. “There is no us.”

  First, Ahmed was trying to talk her into bed. Now Fabio was pressing hard. Was she oozing pheromones or something?

  Carol lifted both her arms and spelled her pits before she remembered a person couldn’t smell their own pheromones. Hildy—a trained healer and medical smart-ass—would have laughed her ass off if she’d seen her smelling herself.

  “What are you doing?” Fabio asked.

  “Checking my pheromones.”

  “Doll, your pheromones have nothing to do with my intentions. I’m primed just being in the general vicinity of you.”

  Irritated by his crude flirting, Carol stomped to the cage. “You sound like a damn dragon. Maybe I should let Ahmed bury your stubborn male ass in a sand pit after all.”

  On the ground, Ahmed immediately went into a barking frenzy at her words. Her stomach did a flip or two when Fabio looked at her familiar and smirked. Who in seven hells laughed at a nearly omnipotent djinn? Someone stupid—that’s who.

  Fabio’s gaze calmly turned to her. “No matter where I go or what happens to me, I will always find my way back to you. I’m one of Morgana’s champions, and she’s a goddess of her word. We belong together, Carol. I’ll never give up until you love me.”

  Unwilling to debat
e that after hearing Harry’s revelation about Morgana’s meddling, Carol ran an agitated hand through her hair. “Go home, Fabio. I don’t have time to deal with you and your delusions.” She turned to stare down at Ahmed. “I have enough problems with determined men right now.”

  Fabio grunted. “Well, there’s one you’ll never have a problem with—Harry’s a great guy. I’m glad he’s going to be your main man. He’ll keep you safe when I can’t be with you.”

  Carol’s mouth twisted at the irony. “I’m the Baba Yaga. I keep myself and everyone else safe. I’m only taking on a warlock posse to keep the former Jezibaba happy with me. She’s like my mother.”

  “She’s not just like your mother—she is your mother,” Fabio said firmly. “You never went back to your home during school breaks. You spent your holidays with Hildy and our family.”

  “And you always tried your best to ruin the holidays for me,” Carol added.

  Fabio lifted a finger. “Not true. I tried to use those times to get close to you. I know you think of Hildy as a sister. I couldn’t bear the idea that you saw me as a brother. I couldn’t let that happen to us.”

  “Stopping saying that. There is no us.”

  Fabio nodded. “To-may-toe or to-mah-toe. Whatever our relationship, I’m the man you’ve been waiting to show up.”

  Carol swiped an angry hand in the air and the birdcage disappeared. Green and yellow glitter rained down on the yard and them.

  “Go. Home,” she commanded.

  Having issued what she considered to be her last word on the matter, Carol turned around and started toward her house.

  Fabio popped up in front of her and crossed his arms. “Tell me one thing before I go. Are you still in love with Iren?”

  Groaning over more questions about the men in her life, Carol threw back her head and closed her eyes. It was either that or scream in Fabio’s handsome face. When she opened her eyes again, the glare she gave him would have sent others cowering. Even Ahmed moved away from her feet and trotted a reasonable distance away.