Wolfville Nights

by Alfred Henry Lewis

  CHAPTER XI.

  Tucson Jennie's Correction.

  "Doc Peets, son," said the Old Cattleman, while his face wore the look ofdecent gravity it ever donned when that man of medicine was named, "DocPeets has his several uses. Aside from him bein' a profound sharp ondrugs, an' partic'lar cowboy drugs, he's plenty learned in a gen'ral way,an' knows where every kyard lays in nacher's deck, from them star-fleckedheavens above to the earth beneath, an'--as Scripter puts it--to the'waters onder the earth.' It's a good scheme to have a brace of highlyeddicated gents, same as Colonel Sterett an' Doc Peets, sort o' idlin''round your camp. Thar's times when a scientist, or say, a lit'rarysport comes bluffin' into Wolfville; an' sech folks is a mighty sight toodeep for Boggs an' me an' Tutt. If we're left plumb alone with a band ofthem book-read shorthorns like I deescribes, you-all sees yourse'f,they're bound to go spraddlin' East ag'in, an' report how darkenedWolfville is. But not after they locks horns with Doc Peets or ColonelSterett. Wherefore, whenever the camp's invaded by any over-enlightenedpeople who's gone too far in schools for the rest of us to break evenwith, we ups an' plays Doc Peets or Colonel Sterett onto 'em; an' the wayeither of them gents would turn in an' tangle said visitors up mentaldon't bother 'em a bit. That's straight; Peets an' the Colonel is ourrefooge; they're our protectors; an' many a time an' oft, have I beheld'em lay for some vain-glorious savant who's got a notion the Southwest,that a-way, is a region of savagery where the folks can't even read an'write none, an' they'd rope, throw, an' hawgtie him--verbal, I means--an'brand his mem'ry with the red-hot fact that he's wrong an' been wadin' inerror up to the saddle-girths touchin' the intellectooal attainments ofgood old Arizona. Shore,--Doc Peets has other uses than drugs, an' hedischarges 'em.

  "Now that I thinks of the matter, it's Doc Peets who restores Dave Tuttto full standin' with Tucson Jennie, the time she begins to neglect Dave.You see, the trouble is this a-way: It really starts--leastwise I allersso believes--in Dave's beginnin' wrong with Tucson Jennie. Troo, as Iconfesses to you frequent yeretofore, I ain't married none myse'f; still,I've been livin' a likely number of years, an' has nacherally witnessed awhole lot touchin' other gents an' their wives; an' sech experiences isbound to breed concloosions. An' while I may be wrong, for these yereviews is nothin' more than a passel of ontested theeries with me, it's mybeliefs that thar's two attitoodes, speakin' gen'ral, which a gentassoomes toward his bride. Either he deals with her on what we-all willcall the buck-squaw system, or he turns the game about complete, an'organises his play on the gentleman-lady system. In the latter, the gentwaits on his wife; he comes an' he goes, steps high or soft, exactly asshe commands. She gives the orders; an' he rides a pony to deathexecootin' 'em, an' no reemonstrances nor queries. That wife is rangean' round-up boss for her outfit.

  "But the buck-squaw system is after all more hooman an' satisfactory.It's opposite to the other. The gent is reesponsible for beef on thehook an' flour in the bar'l. He's got to provide the blankets, make goodag'in the household's hunger, an' see to it thar's allers wood an' waterwithin easy throw of every camp he pitches. Beyond that, however, thegent who's playin' the buck-squaw system don't wander. When he's incamp, he distinguishes himse'f by doin' nothin'. He wrops himse'f in hisblankets, camps down by the fire, while his wife rustles his chuck an'fills his pipe for him. At first glance, this yere buck-squaw systemmight strike a neeophyte as a mighty brootal scheme. Jest the same,it'll eemerge winner twenty times to the gentleman-lady system's once.The women folks like it. Which they'll pretend they prefers thegentleman-lady system, where they sets still an' the gent attends on 'em;but don't you credit it, none whatever. It's the good old patriarchal,buck-squaw idee, where the gent does nothin' an' the lady goes prancin'about like the ministerin' angel which she is, that tickles her to death.I states ag'in, that it's my notion, Dave who begins with TucsonJennie--they bein' man an' wife--on the gentleman-lady system, tharbyhatches cold neglect for himse'f. An' if it ain't for the smooth saveyof Doc Peets, thar's no sport who could foretell the disastrous end.Dave, himse'f thinks he'd have had eventool to resign his p'sition asJennie's husband an' quit.

  "Which I've onfolded to you prior of Jennie's gettin' jealous of Davetouchin' that English towerist female; but this yere last trouble ain'tno likeness nor kin to that. Them gusts of jealousy don't do no harmnohow; nor last the day. They're like thunder showers; brief an' blackenough, but soon over an' leavin' the world brighter.

  "This last attitoode of Jennie towards Dave is one of abandonment an'onthinkin' indifference that a-way. It begins hard on the fetlocks ofthat interestin' event, thrillin' to every proud Wolfville heart, thebirth of Dave's only infant son, Enright Peets Tutt. Which I never doescross up with no one who deems more of her progeny than Jennie does ofthe yoothful Enright Peets. A cow's solicitoode concernin' her calf ischill regyard compared tharwith. Jennie hangs over Enright Peets likesome dew-jewelled hollyhock over a gyarden fence; you'd think he's aroast apple; an' I don't reckon now, followin' that child's advent, sheever sees another thing in Arizona but jest Enright Peets. He's thewhole check-rack--the one bet that wins on the layout of thepossible--an' Jennie proceeds to conduct herse'f accordin'. It's a goodthing mebby for Enright Peets; I won't set camped yere an' say it ain't;but it's mighty hard on Dave.

  "Jennie not only neglects Dave, she turns herse'f loose frequent an'assails him. If he shows up in his wigwam walkin' some emphatic,Jennie'll be down on him like a fallin' star an' accoose him of wakin'Enright Peets.

  "'An' if you-all wakes him,' says Jennie to Dave, sort o' domineerin' athim with her forefinger, 'he'll be sick; an' if he gets sick, he'll die;an' if he dies, you'll be a murderer--the heartless deestroyer of yourown he'pless offspring,--which awful deed I sometimes thinks you'rep'intin' out to pull off.' An' then Jennie would put her apron over herhead an' shed tears a heap; while Dave--all harrowed up an'onstrung--would come stampedin' down to the Red Light an' get consolationfrom Black Jack by the quart.

  "That's the idee, son; it's impossible to go into painful details, 'causeI ain't in Dave's or Jennie's confidence enough to round 'em up; but youonderstands what I means. Jennie's forever hectorin' an' pesterin' Daveabout Enright Peets; an' beyond that she don't pay no more heed, an'don't have him no more on her mind, than if he's one of these yere littlejimcrow ground-owls you-all sees inhabitin' about dissoloote an'permiscus with prairie-dogs. What's the result? Dave's sperits beginsto sink; he takes to droopin' about listless an' onregyardful; an' he'sthat low an' onhappy his nosepaint don't bring him no more of comfortthan if he's a graven image. Why, it's the saddest thing I ever sees inWolfville!

  "We-all observes how Dave's dwindlin' an' pinin' an' most of us has afoggy onderstandin' of the trooth. But what can we do? If thar's ever aaggregation of sports who's powerless, utter, to come to the rescoo of acomrade in a hole, it's Enright an' Moore an' Boggs an' Texas Thompsonan' Cherokee an' me, doorin' them days when that neglect of TucsonJennie's is makin' pore Dave's burdens more'n he can b'ar. Shore, weconsults; but that don't come to nothin' ontil the o'casion when DocPeets takes the tangle in ser'ous hand.

  "Thar's a day dawns when Missis Rucker gets exasperated over Dave'sill-yoosage. Missis Rucker is a sperited person an' she canters over an'onloads her opinions on Tucson Jennie. Commonly, these yere ladies can'tthink too much of one another; but on this one division of the house ofTutt, Missis Rucker goes out on Dave's angle of the game. An' you-allshould have seen the terror it inspires when Missis Rucker declar's herhostile intentions.

  "It's in the O.K. restauraw, when Missis Rucker, who's feedin' us ourmornin' flap-jacks an' salt hoss as usual, turns to Old Man Enright, an'says:

  "'As soon as ever I've got the last drunkard fed an' outen the house, I'mgoin' to put on my shaker an' go an' tell that Tucson Jennie Tutt what'son my mind. I shore never sees a woman change more than Jennie since thedays when she cooks for me in this yere very restauraw an' lays plans an'plots to lure Dave into wedlock. I will say that Jennie,
nacheral, is agood wife; but the fashion, wherein she tromples on Dave an' his rightsis a disgrace to her sex, an' I'm goin' to deevote a hour this mornin' tocallin' Jennie's attention tharunto.'

  "'Missis Rucker is a mighty intrepid lady,' says Enright, when we goesover to the New York store followin' feed. 'I'd no more embrace themchances she's out to tackle than I'd go dallyin' about a wronged grizzly.But jest the same, I'd give a stack of reds if Peets is here! When didhe say he'd be back from Tucson?'

  "'The Doc don't allow he'll come trailin' in ag'in,' says Dan Boggs,'ontil day after to-morry. Which this female dooel will be plumb over bythen, an' most likely the camp a wrack.'

  "While we-all stands thar gazin' on each other, enable to su'gestanything to meet the emergency, Texas Thompson's pony is brought up fromthe corral, saddled an' bridled, an' ready for the trail.

  "'Well, gents,' says Texas, when he sees his hoss is come, 'I reckonsI'll say _adios_ an' pull my freight. I'll be back in a week.'

  "'Wherever be you p'intin' for?' asks Cherokee Hall. 'Ain't this goin'of yours some sudden?'

  "'It is a trifle hasty,' says Texas; 'but do you cimmarons think I'mgoin' to linger yere after Missis Rucker gives notice she's preparin' toburn the ground around Tucson Jennie about Dave? Gents, I don't pack thenerve! I ain't lived three years with my former wife who gets thatLaredo divorce I once or twice adverts to, an' not know enough not to getcaught out on no sech limb as this. No, sir; I sees enough of woman an'her ways to teach me that now ain't no time to be standin' aboutirresoloote an' ondecided, an' I'm goin' to dig out for Tucson, you bet,ontil this uprisin' subsides.'

  "This example of Texas scares us up a whole lot; the fact is, itstampedes us; an' without a further word of argyment, the whole bandmakes a break for the corral, throws saddles onto the swiftest ponies,an' in two minutes we're lost in that cloud of alkali dust we kicks updown the trail toward the no'th.

  "'Which I won't say that this exodus is necessary,' observes Enright,when ten miles out we slows up to a road gait to breathe our ponies, 'butI thinks on the whole it's safer. Besides, I oughter go over to Tucsonanyway on business.'

  "The rest of us don't make no remarks nor excooses; but every gent isfeelin' like a great personal peril has blown by.

  "The next day, we rounds up Doc Peets, an' he encourages us so that weconcloods to return an' make a size-up of results.

  "'I shore hopes we finds Dave safe.' says Dan Boggs.

  "'It's even money,' says Jack Moore, 'that Dave pulls through. Dave's amighty wary sport when worst comes to worst; an' as game as redhead ants.'

  "'That's all right about Dave bein' game,' retorts Dan, 'but this yere'sa time when Dave ain't got no show. I says ag'in, I trust he retainsdecision of character sufficient to go hide out doorin' the storm. Itain't no credit to us that we forgets to bring him along.'

  "'No; thar wasn't no harm done,' says Faro Nell, who reports progress tous after we rounds up in the Red Light followin' our return. Nell's abrave girl an' stands a pat hand when the rest of us vamosed that time.'Thar ain't no real trouble. Missis Rucker merely sets fire to Jennieabout the way she maltreats Dave; an' she says Jennie's drivin' himlocoed, an' no wonder. Also, she lets on she don't see whatever Davemarries Jennie for anyhow!

  "'At that, Jennie comes back an' reminds Missis Rucker how she herse'fdone treats Mister Rucker that turrible he goes cavortin' off an' seekssafety among the Apaches. An' so they keeps on slingin' it back'ards an'for'ards for mebby two hours, an' me ha'ntin' about to chunk in a word.Then, final, they cries an' makes up; an' then they both concedes thatone way an' another they're the best two people each other ever sees. Atthis juncture,' concloods Nell, 'I declar's myse'f in on the play; an'we-all three sets down an' admires Enright Peets an' visits an' has asplendid afternoon.'

  "'An' wherever doorin' this emute is Dave?' asks Enright.

  "'Oh, Dave?' says Nell. 'Why he's lurkin' about outside som'ers in afurtive, surreptitious way; but he don't molest us none. Which, now Iremembers, Dave don't even come near us none at all.'

  "'I should say not!' says Texas Thompson, plenty emphatic. 'Dave ain'tquite that witless.'

  "'Now, gents,' remarks Doc Peets, when Nell is done, an' his tones isconfident like he's certain of his foothold, 'since things has gone thusfar I'll sa'nter into the midst of these domestic difficulties an' adjust'em some. I've thought up a s'lootion; an' it's apples to ashes thatinside of twenty-four hours I has Jennie pettin' an' cossetin' Dave tobeat four of a kind. Leave this yere matter to me entire.'

  "We-all can't see jest how Peets is goin' to work these mir'cles; still,sech is our faith, we believes. We decides among ourse'fs, however, thatif Peets does turn this pacific trick it'll ondoubted be the crownin'glory of his c'reer.

  "After Peets hangs up his bluff, we goes about strainin' eyes an' y'earsfor any yells or signal smokes that denotes the advent of said changes.An', son, hard as it is to credit, it comes to pass like Peetsprognosticates. By next evenin' a great current of tenderness for Davegoes over Jennie all at once. She begins to call him 'Davy'--a onheardof weakness!--an' hovers about him askin' whatever he thinks he needs; infact, she becomes that devoted, it looks like the little Enright Peets'llwant he'p next to play his hand for him. That's the trooth: Jennie goesmighty clost to forgettin' Enright Peets now an' then in her wifelyanxieties concernin' Dave.

  "As for Dave himse'f, he don't onderstand his sudden an' onmeritedpop'larity; but wearin' a dazed grin of satisfied ignorance, that a-way,he accepts the sityooation without askin' reasons, an' proceeds to profittharby. That household is the most reeconciled model fam'ly outfit inall broad Arizona. An' it so continyoos to the end.

  "'Whatever did you do or say, Doc?' asks Enright a month later, as we-allfrom across the street observes how Jennie kisses Dave good-bye at thedoor an' then stands an' looks after him like she can't b'ar to have himleave her sight; 'what's the secret of this second honeymoon of Dave's?'

  "'Which I don't say much,' says Peets. 'I merely takes Jennie one sidean' exhorts her to brace up an' show herse'f a brave lady. Then Iexplains that while I ain't told Dave none--as his knowin' wouldn't do nogood--I regyards it as my medical dooty to inform her so's she'll beready to meet the shock. "The trooth is, Missis Tutt," I says, "poreDave's got heart disease, an' is booked to cash in any moment. I can'tsay when he'll die exactly; the only shore thing is he can't survive ayear." She sheds torrents of tears; an' then I warns her she mustn't letDave see her grief or bushwhack anything but smiles on her face, ormightly likely it'll stop his clock right thar. "Can't nothin' be donefor Dave?" she asks. "Nothin'," I replies, "except be tender an' lovin'an' make Dave's last days as pleasant an' easy as you can. We must jumpin an' smooth the path to his totterin' moccasins with gentleness an'love," I says, "an' be ready, when the blow does fall, to b'ar it withwhat fortitoode we may." That's all I tells her. However, it looks likeit's becomin' a case of overplay in one partic'lar; our pore youngnamesake, Enright Peets, is himse'f gettin' a trifle the worst of it, an'I'm figgerin' that to-morry, mebby, I'll look that infant over, an'vouchsafe the news thar's something mighty grievous the matter with hislungs.'"