Soul Mates

by Donald Hanley

  I opened the door and the early morning light shining through the kitchen windows was almost blinding compared with the darkness of the room behind me. It took me a few moments to recognize Susie standing there, stirring hot water into a bowl of oatmeal.

  “Don’t look!” Suddenly everything was washed out in a pale haze and I realized that Olivia was standing behind me with her hands over my eyes. “She’s still naked!”

  “Stop that!” I tried to push her off but my hand just passed right through her.

  “Stop what?” Susie asked with a scowl. “Making breakfast?”

  “No, not you, I’m talking to –” I realized belatedly that Susie couldn’t see Olivia. She probably thought I was having a spastic attack of some sort, waving my arms around at something invisible. “Never mind.”

  I dodged to the side, escaping from Olivia’s futile attempt at censorship, and stalked off down the hall. Olivia hurried after me.

  “You shouldn’t look at naked people until you’re married!” she insisted. “Especially not your sister! It’s a sin!”

  “I don’t have much control over that,” I retorted, “unless you want me to walk around with my eyes closed all day.”

  “Well, you should tell her that you’re uncomfortable seeing her like that,” she suggested doubtfully. “Maybe she’ll stop.”

  “It’s been fifteen years. I don’t think she’s going to change now.” I opened the bathroom door with Olivia right on my heels. “Were you planning to take a shower with me?” I asked pointedly.

  “What?” She looked past me and gasped, backing up so quickly that she ended up halfway into the opposite wall before she corrected herself. “No, of course not! I was just – I thought you were – I would never –”

  “Okay, stop, I believe you. Just go sit somewhere until I’m done.” She looked around uncertainly. In the brighter light of day, she was almost transparent and it was hard to make out any details now. “Wait for me in the kitchen, I won’t be long. No, on second thought, don’t. Mom might get up soon and I don’t need her thinking the house is haunted.”

  Olivia looked hurt. “I wouldn’t do that, Peter.”

  “I’m kidding,” I sighed, “sort of. We don’t know when other people are going to start seeing you. Mrs. Kendricks said everyone reacts differently.” Olivia nodded glumly. “All right, I’ll be quick. Oh, hang on, I need to get a change of clothes.”

  I went back to my room but the door was still locked courtesy of Lilith. I knocked, loudly. “Hey, open up in there!” I called through the door. “I need to get in!”

  “Peter, no!” Olivia said frantically, her voice a pleading whisper. “She’ll wake –”

  She blinked out of existence like a popped soap bubble. I gaped at where she’d been standing, wondering what just happened, and the door knob rattled behind me. A moment later, it opened and Daraxandriel stuck her head out, stifling a yawn.

  “Thou art less welcome than the cock that crows the breaking of the day,” she grumbled at me. She was still in succubus form and still stark naked. It was just as well that Olivia was inside Daraxandriel’s head again, although I felt bad about sending her back there without any warning. “Whyfor dost thou disturb our slumber?”

  “I need to get some clean clothes.” She moved out of my way grudgingly and I surveyed my room to make sure it was still in habitable condition. The bed was a rumpled mess, although that was par for the course these days, and Lilith was sprawled across it, fast asleep. The only thing preserving her modesty, assuming she actually had any, was a fold of the sheet lying across her hips. I quickly averted my eyes before Little Peter got any ideas. “Do you feel any different?” I asked Daraxandriel curiously.

  “Nay, but for muddleness from thine irksome intrusion.” She sat on the edge of the bed with her eyes closed and slowly leaned sideways until she was lying down beside Lilith. “Make haste and depart,” she murmured.

  “So Olivia’s soul hasn’t changed?” I pressed.

  She pried one glowing eye open. “Whyfor should it? Naught has transpired to alter its condition, has it?”

  “No, of course not,” I assured her. “I was just curious.” I wondered if Olivia was aware of anything now or just asleep again. I’d have to ask her tonight after Daraxandriel went to bed.

  I dumped my old clothes into the hamper, remembering to empty my pockets this time, and extracted a polo shirt and khakis from the closet. I didn’t officially start work for another week but it never hurt to make a good impression with the office staff.

  “Dad and I need to run downtown this morning,” I told her. Her eyes were closed again and she and Lilith were lying back-to-back with Daraxandriel’s tail draped across both of them. “What are you planning to do today?”

  “Lilith and I did speak on this,” she yawned, exposing her fang. “I needs must resume my duties for my Dread Lord. I have been idle too long.”

  “What?” I asked, aghast. “You mean stealing souls?”

  “We are not thieves, Peter Simon Collins,” she said testily, opening her eyes to glare at me. “We bargain for souls, we do not take them unbidden.”

  “But you don’t have a contract for Olivia’s soul,” I reminded her. “Lilith’s was invalid.”

  “Her soul is free to ascend,” she agreed irritably, “once it is unfettered from this troublesome hunter. I shall seek another’s.”

  “Whose?” I asked carefully.

  “I would have thine,” she told me matter-of-factly. “Thou and I did not consummate our original pact.”

  “Yes, we did,” I protested. “You gave me magical powers to defeat Dr. Bellowes, remember?”

  Her tail flicked dismissively. “Nay, afore then. Dost thou truly not recall? Thy soul in exchange for Melissa’s maidenhead.”

  “Are you kidding me? I don’t need your help for that. She’s all over me every time we’re alone!”

  “But thou hast not yet had thy pleasure of her?” Daraxandriel asked slyly.

  “Er, well, no.”

  “And she is still innocent? No other has claimed her virginity?”

  “Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

  “Then all is well. Thou shalt have her and thy soul shall be mine.” She rubbed her hands together like a B-movie villain. “The first of many.”

  “Except I haven’t signed a contract,” I pointed out.

  “Thou shalt,” she stated confidently.

  “Why would I? Why don’t I just go spend the night with her now without you getting involved?”

  Her eyes glowed brighter as they narrowed. “Wouldst thou cheat me of what is rightfully mine?” She sat up slowly and her tail rose menacingly over her shoulder.

  “No! I’m just saying that I don’t need demonic help to, you know, have Melissa. She already wants me.” It felt weird to say that out loud, even though it was patently true.

  “Prayhap.” Something about the way she said that sent a chill down my spine. “But it is within my power to prevent thy coupling with her, no matter how urgently thou begs for it.”

  “Huh?” That didn’t make any sense at all. “You’re saying you’ll keep Melissa and me from, uh, consummating? Isn’t that the exact opposite of what you’re trying to do?”

  “Nay.” She rose to her feet with a wicked grin. “Thou shalt desire her and she thee, yet thy lusts shall be thwarted at every turn. Thou shalt gladly surrender thy soul to be freed from thy constraints, that thee and she may have carnal knowledge of each other at long last.”

  “Okay, one, I like Melissa but I don’t lust after her, so none of this applies. Two, even if it did, isn’t that against the demon rules or something? You said I had to sign the contract of my own free will. Making me want to have sex with Melissa is coercion.”

  “If you sign the contract with full knowledge of the conditions and consequences,” Lilith said sleepily, rolling over on the bed to face me, “it’s not coercion. True, Daraxandriel can’t change your feelings for Melissa without voiding the con
tract, but she doesn’t have to, does she? Your attraction to her is obvious.” Her smile was an exact duplicate of Daraxandriel’s except for the number of fangs involved.

  “As is hers for thee,” Daraxandriel added smugly, “and ‘twill not be her blood upon the parchment.”

  The implications of that statement were blindingly clear. “You leave her alone!” I demanded. “If you mess with her feelings, I’ll – I’ll –” The problem was, I had no leverage whatsoever. Daraxandriel knew I’d never hurt her. “Just don’t touch her!” I turned on Lilith. “This is all your fault! You put her up to this!”

  “Nonsense.” She sat up and stretched in the most distracting way possible. “I never said a word about your soul. She came up with this all on her own. I have to say I’m quite impressed,” she smiled.

  “Thank thee, Lilith,” Daraxandriel beamed, delighted at the compliment. “We did but speak of the future, Peter Simon Collins, once the hunter no longer threatens us. Lilith did offer to advise me in my duties as a succubus.”

  “It’s the least I could do,” Lilith said modestly.

  “Oh my God,” I breathed. Lilith already won the second round before I even made a move. I had to act quickly before things got completely out of hand. “Look, I’m not going to have sex with Melissa just to keep you from trying to get my soul but I don’t want you nagging me about it for the rest of my life, either. How about we set a time limit? If I can go that long without signing a contract with you, you just drop this whole idea, okay?”

  “How long an interval wouldst thou suggest, Peter Simon Collins?” Daraxandriel frowned.

  “Twenty-four hours. That should be long enough for you to twist fate or whatever it is you do.” No matter what she did, I was sure I could hold out for a day.

  “You’re being unreasonable, Peter,” Lilith argued. “You could just skip out of town and hide until tomorrow. Let’s make it a year. That’s more than fair.”

  “A year? You can’t be serious. I’ll give you three days, tops.”

  “Thou art most stubborn,” Daraxandriel shook her head, “but that shall avail thee not. I will accede to a month from this day.”

  “Forget that! One week and that’s it.”

  Daraxandriel looked at Lilith, who shrugged noncommittally. “Very well, Peter Simon Collins, the deal is struck. An thou sign a contract with me ere seven days have passed, thy soul is mine. Elsewise, I release all claim to it.”

  She held out her hand and I reached out to shake it, but I found myself grasping a cylinder of parchment instead. “What’s this?” I asked uneasily.

  “We needs must bind our words in blood,” she declared, “that neither may renege upon our bargain.” Suddenly, she held the same wavy dagger she used to draw my blood behind the library last month. “Give me thy hand.”

  “Hold on a minute!” I protested. “How do I know this is the right contract?” I unrolled the stiff parchment and scanned the dense, angular characters. “I can’t even read this!”

  “If it weren’t the right contract, it wouldn’t be valid,” Lilith assured me easily. “You know the rules. You have to go in knowing exactly what the deal entails.”

  “I’m not signing anything I can’t read!”

  Daraxandriel let out an impatient huff. “An thou insist.” She gestured and the symbols rearranged themselves into English words, albeit still written in dried goat’s blood. I read through it carefully but it basically echoed our deal: if I signed a contract with her within a week, my soul was hers upon my death. It even specified the exact date and time when the deal expired, changing every second as I watched. “Art thou now satisfied?” she asked.

  “I guess.” A very tiny alarm bell was ringing in the back of my mind, warning me that something was wrong about all this, but I couldn’t pin down what it was. Daraxandriel’s face was unreadable but Lilith leaned forward ever so slightly, her eyes glinting in eager anticipation. She wanted me to sign the contract, even though it really didn’t change anything. I wasn’t going to sign another one of these no matter how hard they tried to get me and Melissa together. I blinked. Another one.

  “Oh my God!” I threw the parchment across the room like it was on fire. It bounced off my bookcase and tumbled to the floor. “This contract gives you my soul as soon as I sign it!”

  “I told thee he would discern our intent,” Daraxandriel grumbled. She snapped her fingers and the parchment and the dagger vanished. “Peter Simon Collins is not so foolish as he seems.”

  “And we were so close too,” Lilith sighed. “Oh, well. He still has to resist Melissa’s charms and now there’s no time limit.” She smiled wickedly. “I doubt he makes it through Wednesday.”

  “You tried to trick me!” I accused Daraxandriel. “That’s cheating!”

  “Nay, thou didst know the full terms of the agreement,” she countered with a sniff. “I am not bound to protect thee from thyself.”

  “So you’re actually serious about this?” I asked in dismay. “You’re really going to try to take my soul?”

  “I needs must remain true to my nature, Simon Peter Collins,” she said, but she looked unhappy as she shot a look at Lilith. “It cannot be gainsaid.”

  “What about that demon hunter, then? Why should I help you if you’re just going to drag me down to Hell afterwards?”

  “He is no threat to such as I,” she insisted.

  “Lilith thought he was,” I reminded her, “and besides, you’re stuck here no matter what until we free Olivia’s soul.”

  “I have a suggestion.” Daraxandriel and I both looked at Lilith warily. “What if Dara promises not to offer anything for your soul until after we get rid of this bothersome hunter?” She held up her hands to forestall my protest. “I don’t mean kill him, just convince him to go away and take Olivia with him. If you help us, I’m sure Dara will be glad to leave you alone until things get back to normal. Isn’t that right, Dara?” she smiled.

  Daraxandriel didn’t look at all certain about this new plan but she finally nodded. “I agree to this,” she said. “Dost thou, Peter Simon Collins?”

  I eyed Lilith suspiciously. She had to know that I was going to help Daraxandriel and Olivia regardless, so her proposal didn’t really change anything. Lilith needs the hunter to kill Daraxandriel so that her curse will be lifted and she can get back to bargaining for celebrity souls. Leaving me alone just makes it easier for us to save Daraxandriel, or at least it doesn’t make it any harder. How does that benefit her?

  She had to have some trick up her sleeve but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Still, not having to worry about my soul for a while would be worth it. “Okay,” I said carefully. “I’ll help you with the hunter if you forget about my soul until he’s gone.”

  “Oh, I doubt she’ll be able to forget about it,” Lilith said with a dismissive shrug. “It’s such a beautiful soul. But at least she won’t hand you any more contracts for it.” Her smile broadened. “Unless you ask her to. Isn’t that right, Dara?”

  “Certes,” Daraxandriel agreed reluctantly.

  “Perfect!” she said, clapping her hands together. “Well, now that we’ve taken care of that, who wants some breakfast? Oh, good morning, Susie!”

  I turned and saw Susie standing in front of her door, looking at us with a dubious frown. It was a good thing Olivia was asleep now. All this bare female skin surrounding me would have given her conniptions.

  “What do you want?” she asked flatly. Her nails were still pink but she was otherwise makeup-free again.

  “Nothing,” Lilith assured her with a smile. “I was just being friendly.”

  “Well, stop it.” She went into her room and locked the door behind her.

  “She’s going to be a challenge,” Lilith observed to no one in particular. Her smile was disturbing, though.

  “Leave her alone,” I warned her. “She has nothing to do with any of this.”

  “Oh?” She arched an eyebrow at me. “I seem to recall her figuring pro
minently in yesterday’s little adventure. Isn’t she the one who cast the spell keeping our favorite demon hunter at bay?”

  “Mrs. Kendricks told her what to do.”

  “But it was still her casting. It seems to me that she’d be a handy friend to have,” she mused, “since I’m doomed to be a human for the rest of my life.” She heaved a forlorn sigh but I wasn’t buying it. This was obviously another scheme of some sort, for all the good it would do her. Susie wouldn’t help Lilith even if her life depended on it. Or mine, for that matter.

  “Just stay away from her,” I ordered tersely. I stalked off to the bathroom for my shower, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that round three was well underway and I was already losing.

  16

  Dating has got to be the most awkward human interaction ever invented. It doesn’t really matter why you’re on the date or how well you know the other person or where you go or what you do. In the back of your mind, you’re always aware that the ultimate purpose of dating is to eventually have sex with the other participant.

  Let’s face it, nobody goes out on a date with someone just for the movie or the dinner. They might call it a date, but if all they’re interested in is a meal and entertainment, it’s not a date, it’s an outing. A proper date absolutely requires the possibility of sex at some point in the future. It may not happen that night or the next week or a year later. It may never happen, if things don’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t the ultimate goal.

  Dating is basically a sequence of compatibility tests, determining whether a potential partner likes the same sorts of things you do. As soon as you uncover some personal habit or quirk or attitude that sets off the alarm bells, that’s it, the date is over and any chance for sex goes out the window. The farther you get in the process, though, the larger the question looms in your mind: Am I going to have sex with this person tonight? At the same time, you’re aware that the other person is wondering exactly the same thing about you. It’s a miracle any couple can get through a dinner conversation with that in the back of their minds without blushing or stumbling over their words.