The Three Perils of Man; or, War, Women, and Witchcraft, Vol. 2 (of 3)

by James Hogg

  CHAPTER VII.

  _Cher._ That story of our captain's is rather an odd story. Is it not, Mark?

  _Mark._ Rather of the wonderful.

  _Ford._

  "I dinna ken but I could maybe tell ye something about him an I liket,"said Tam Craik; "but I wad maybe be as wise to haud my tongue."

  "I wad like very weel to hear mair about him," said Charlie; "for hislife has had such a queer beginning, it maun surely hae had a queerend."

  "But what an it shouldna be endit yet, Yardbire," said Tam: "Marion'sJock is perhaps living, and life-like, to tell his ain tale. However,we'll say nae mair about that just now, till you tell us what you thinko' Gibbie Jordan's tale. For my part, I never heard a tale I was saemuckle interested in a' my life."

  "It is ane o' the best tales _o' the kind_ that ever I heard," saidCharlie.

  "It is a most abominable tale," said the poet.

  "In what way, Master Poet?" said Charlie: "I dinna like to hear ony bodycondemned without reason."

  "It is for the badness of the moral that I do it dislike," said thepoet: "The moral is so truly bad, all mankind it must must shock; it isto kill this harmless lamb, the flower of all the flock,--to feed uponher lovely form that's fairer than the snow,--to eat her flesh and drinkher blood! It makes mine eyes to flow!"

  "Gude faith, an I thought that war his drift, I wad brain him," saidCharlie; "and I confess it looks rather like it."

  "There can be no doubt of it," said Master Michael Scott: "The maidDelany is the favourite lamb, whom he wishes you to kill and feast on inthe same delicious manner as did the hero of his tale; and I am thegoodman whom you are to stick afterwards, and fairly make your escape."

  "It is a shocking tale I really doubt," said Charlie; "and throws adisgrace and an imputation o' something unseemly on my chief and a' hisfriends, and I winna put up wi' it."

  "I do propose that from the walls the caitiff we do throw," said thepoet; "or kill and eat for dainty meat the laird of Peatstacknowe."

  "I fear if the votes were to be ta'en just now he wad hae an illchance," said Charlie: "But it's fair in ha' where beards wag a'. Letilk ane of us hae a fair chance. There may be mae bad morals amang us.Wha's turn is't next?"

  Charlie himself, being next in point of seniority, was called on for histale.

  "I hae been thinking hard what tale I should tell you," said Charlie;"but I find I can tell nought but the thing I hae seen, and I'll bepinched sair eneuch to make sense o' that. Therefore, gin ye like, I'lltell ye my first adventure in war,--for I aye mind it the best, and willdo as lang as I live."

  Charlie Scott's Tale.

  It was under the command of Hab Elliot that I made my first raide; a gayrough spun cout he was, and nae cannie hand for a southland valley.Weel, you see, there was a chap came to my father's house at Yardbire aemorning, and he says to my father, "Wat," says he, (that was my father'sname, what he ca'ed me Charlie for I dinna ken, for I never spier'd,)"Wat," says the chiel, "ye maun raise your lads, and tie on yourwallets, and meet the warden the morn at the Hawk-Hass, there's gaun tobe a stoure on the east border."

  "An there be a stoure on the east border I's be there for ane," said myfather; "but the de'il ae man hae I left but auld Will Nicol and thecallant Charlie. There hae seven men o' Moodlaw and Yardbire fa'en sinBeltan. I canna mak men, but I shall fight wi' them I have. As forCharlie, he disna want spirit, but he's unco young and supple, and willmak but a weak stand in a strong blast: Auld Will he kens brawly how totake care care o' himsel; and, atween the twa, I may be ill bestedde.But, gae as it will, I'll be there."

  I was a massy blade that day when I gaed o'er Craik-Corse riding at myfather's side. I was sae upliftit I could hardly sit on my yaud; and Isaw my father was proud o' his callant, as he ca'ed me,--that made meten times waur. The first men we came at were the lang-shankit Laidlawso' Craik; and then the Grahams o' Drife they came up wi' us; and when wecame to Howpasley, my father got the laird's right hand, and we gaedower Skelfhill-swire seven score and ten, but there were only fifty o'us had horse, and mine was ane o' the best."

  "Wha's this stripling that rides the good dun mare," said the laird o'Howpasley.

  "That's my bit niff-naff of a callant," says my father: "That's myCharlie, cousin John."

  "He's a twig of a good tree," said Howpasley: "I like the spark gayanweel, if he wad ride a little evener up, an' no haud forrit his headlike a woodcock. But, my word, he has a lang arm!"

  "Ay, a pair o' them, cousin," said my father; and the twa carles hotchedand leuch at my father's joke.

  The warden was lying at the Hawk-Hass wi' twal score o' good men; butthere were nane o' them had horses but the Elliots, and some gentlemenof the Scotts. When Sir Ringan saw us coming, he came out on foot tomeet us; and when the gentlemen of our party saw that, they lighted offtheir horses, gae them to their henchmen, and walked out before the men.Howpasley walked on the right hand, my father next, and, as he desiredme, I came slounging up next him. I lookit best on foot, for my legswere sic a length; I was higher in fact by half a foot than either Johnof Howpasley or my father, but a perfect tripe for sma'ness. When ourcaptain, the brave Redhough, came near to us, I thought I should haeswarfed; my heart dunt-duntit like a man humblin bear, and I was maistgasping for breath. I had hard sae muckle o' his bravery that Iexpectit an auld, gruff, austere carle, as proud as Lucifer, to meet us.But, instead o' that, I sees a boardly knight in the very prime o' manlybeauty: his cheeks were ruddy, his eyes dark, and the black beard on hisbooner lip was just beginning to curl upward. My heart was a' his ain atthe first look; and I said to mysel, "Ye're the man that I'll risk myneck wi' ony day." I likit him sae weel that I mind I thought I couldjust hae lain down in a gutter, and letten him tramp on the tap o' me.

  He first shook Howpasley by the hand, and then my father; and then hegave a broad look to my beardless face, turning his eye back to myfather's.

  "That's my Charlie, Sir Ringan; my only son now," said my father.

  "You are welcome, cousin Charlie, to our camp," said he: "If ye be asbrave a man as your father, I shall never want a hero at my side."

  I should hae said something in return, but the deil a word I could say,for I was like to fa' to the fuffing and greeting. He spake to a' thegentlemen in the same kind hamely manner; and then lookit at a' the men,and spiered how mony belonged to every ane.

  "And how many are with you, cousin Yardbire?" said he.

  "They are a' here that I hae, noble chief," said my father: "Last yearat this time I brought forty to the field, and now I hae nae ane but myauld henchman and that lad. We hae somehow been ower rash, and I now geta' the wyte. They ca' me Wat the Waster,--and not a man will haud landunder me."

  "Ay, ay, Yardbire," said he; "you and your men hae stood the brunt ofthe battle ower often for me and mine. But you are grown auld, and yemaunna claim the post of honour ony mair till Charlie come to hisstrength. I'll make you captain this day o' the best troop you ever led.You shall hae the hard-headed Olivers, the grimy Potts, and theskrae-shankit Laidlaws; and you shall form my flying party--"

  My father here interrupted him with "Na, na, my master, deil a flyingtroop I'll lead! if it binna a fighting ane, it winna follow me lang."

  The warden smiled; and calling out all the men of the families he hadnamed, he put such of them as had horses under the command of my father.Of these there were forty-seven, so that our troop consisted of fiftymen in all. We were joined with the Elliots; but Habby having ninety menof his own name, the command of the horse devolved on him, and my fatherwas only looked on as the second. I didna like this unco weel; but itcoudna be helped, and I was glad to be in the field ony way.

  The first sight we got o' the English was frae the top o' Penchrist; buta' that day we could only ken where they were by the reek they wereraising. My blood boiled when I saw them burning the houses o' Scotsmen,and fain wad I hae had a hand-shaking wi' them.

  There was ae message came after another a' that day. The Kers
had beenbeat and chased across the river, and the English host had over-runtheir territory. Our chief didna seem to care for that sae muckle as Ithought, nor wad he stir his foot till they crossed the Rule. There warmae men came in every hour, for the beacons were a' bleezing; and assoon as the English set foot on the territory of the middle marches,away we rade straight to meet them.

  It was on the hill of Hawthornside where I first saw the face o' anenemy; and I'll never forget sic queer strummings as I had within me.Oh, I wad fain hae been at them! There was a kind o' yeuk, a kind o'kittling, a sort o' prinkling in my blood like, that I fand wadna becured but by the slap o' a sword or the point o' a spear. Instead o'being feared for a wound, I wad hae gi'en my horse and light armourbaith to have had a good prodd frae an Englishman,--but I wad hae liketthat the warden had seen me.

  We kept the hills between them and the border wi' our horse, but thefoot kept the straits to the westward. Forbye the Elliots, and myfather's troop o' Potts, and Olivers, and skrae-shankit Laidlaws, thewarden had three hundred Scotts on horseback; so that in all he hadshort o' five hundred horse, and about eight hundred foot. At the heado' his horse he rade straight up to the faces o' the English, andchallenged them in our king's name to tell their business in that place.Up came an English knight, Sir Robert Neville of Ravensworth, and hecrackit baith proudly and saucily, but I didna ken weel what he said. Hethreatened no to leave a beast or a body atween Borthwick and theBorder. Our captain was as crouse as the other, sae there was nothingbut ill blude atween them; but the thing that we likit warst of a' wasthe certainty that he had eight thousand men, being just sax for ourane.

  The warden then held a council o' friends upon the top of the hill, andin view of the English host. Some said ae thing and some said another tohim; but at length he turned to my father, and he says, "What says ourcousin Walter o' Eskdale to a' this? But I needna speer that,--he nevergae me aught but ae advice a' his life."

  "I'll tell you what I wad do, captain," says my father: "Afore yon sunwere twa cock-strides down the west I wad fight them."

  "I kend what it wad be," said the warden. "But, my brave Yardbire, areyou considering the disproportion o' force?"

  "What's that to think about?" said he, "the greater the better!"

  The warden claspit him in his arms, and the tears came hopping down mymuckle soft flobby cheeks.

  "Yes, captain," continued my father, "I hae been thinking o' the oddsagainst us, and I am thinking o't just now. But ye ken art may domuckle."

  "Now, to hear him speaking about art!" said the warden, pushing himplayfully around by the shoulder,--"To hear a man speaking sagely aboutart, that never thought of ony other art in his life but hard handnevel! Pray now, my dear cousin, will ye let us hear this deep profoundart o' yours, that will enable ae man to beat half a dozen?"

  "I wad form our little army into the shape o' a wedge," said my father;"and I wad yerk that little wedge into the heart of their great log ofan army, and split it a' to shivers."

  "G--d a mercy, hear to him!" cried the warden. "And pray what is to formthe point o' this wedge, Yardbire?"

  "Just my grey naig's head, captain."

  "I kend weel what it wad come to, cousin. Your grey naig's head wad soonbe cracked; but an ought were to happen yours, what wad come o' me?"

  I thought sae muckle o' my auld father, that I couldna haud my tonguenae langer, and that was the first word I ever spake to the warden in mylife. "Never fear, my master," quo' I; "it winna be ilka ane that salcrack his grey crown the day."

  "Weel said, Charlie!" cried the auld hero; and he waved his cap roundhis head, "Weel said, little Charlie! Now, captain, for the wedge!"

  The warden lookit a good while at us without speaking, and I gart myseltrow there was a blink o' admiration in his dark eye; "Ah, Wat, Wat!"said he; "weel do you ken I'm ower ready to follow your mad schemes!But they have sae often proved successfu', though wi' very hard wark,that I'll e'en take the risk, and sey your skill aince mair."

  He then drew his horse from the height into the glen behind, and formedthem precisely on my father's plan, with a troop of horse in front, andone on each wing, the foot being arranged in close column in the middle;and as my father claimed the post of honour as his right, he rode thefront man: Will Nicol and I were next him, and behind us there were fourof the Laidlaws. I saw no farther, but was informed after that when thehorse made the charge, the foot had orders to run and keep up with them.

  We took a sweep down the water to the north, and appeared all of asudden in the rear of the English army. Their scouts had seen us, butcould not guess our intent; for as to a thought of our attacking them,that never entered their heads, so that their host was not new-modelledfarther than their columns facing about toward us. They deemed we weregoing to retreat toward the north, and were making ready to pursue us,when all at once the point of the wedge turned at a right angle, andrushed with all haste on the centre of their line.

  Then there was such a hubbub, and calling, and noise of armour rattlingthroughout their army as I had never heard! My father spurred on, and,after some few hard blows, opened the line. He had the least to do ofany, for the ranks opened naturally before him as he heaved his heavysword. But ever as their wedge grew thicker, their columns being pressedtogether, lay the heavier on our flanks, and several gallant men of theScots fell. I saw naething o' this, but soon fand the effects of it; formy father drove faster on than the flankers could bear up after him, andour point lengthened out and grew thinner at every step. I had been uncokeen o' fighting, but I got my fill o't then. I trow I gae some o' themsome gay good yerks on the chafts.

  Ravensworth by this time perceiving the danger in which his army stoodof being divided, brought up his side columns and closed around ourfront. I heard him saying in a loud exasperated voice, "For shame,countrymen! for shame! will ye suffer a landward Scots laird, an auldcrabbit loun like that, to ride in through your ranks and out throughyour ranks, as they were files o' thistles? Down with the moorlandthief! down with him!"

  "Aha, Robin o' Ravensworth, is that you?" cried my father: "An I winwithin sword's length o' you I shall settle your crack."

  As he said this he raised himself up in his stirrups. Auld Will Nicolroared out, "For Christ's sake, master, stop!" But, in place of that, hespurred up to the captain with all his might, challenging him to comeforward. Neville kept his ground, and prepared for the attack, butrefused to come forward; and, just as my father and he began to measureswords, my father was struck by six or seven spears all at once on hisleft side. Some of these he received on his buckler, but others of thempierced his side, and, before any of us could lend him the leastassistance, he was unhorsed. Ravensworth also gave him a wound as he wasfalling. I, who was close behind him, and a-head of all the rest, wasnow hard bested. I clove the head of the first spearman on my left; andere I had recovered my sword from the stroke, Ravensworth's sword was atmy breast; and I have no doubt that stroke would have slain me, had itnot been for a plunge made by my father's horse, that came between usand marred it. By this time the Laidlaws had come up on my right,--awheen as hardy, determined louns as ever brak warld's bread,--and theywere laying about them like incarnate devils. The horse kept the lancersfrom reaching me on the left, so that Ravensworth and I met fairly handto hand. Sure am I that I never gae sic a straik sinsyne, nor ane wi'sic good will. I dinna think I clave his helmet, but I gae him sic adevil o' a knab on the temple, that he was stoundit, and fell as dead asa stane at my horse's feet. My father was at that time on his knee, andI saw him trying to raise himself up by the stirrup-leather, for he hadnever yet quitted the bridle of his horse. He saw me bring down Neville,who fell almost at his very side; and he looked to me, and cried, "Weeldone, little Charlie! weel done, my brave man!"

  That was the last word I ever heard him say. My brave, worthy, auldfather! He was sae used to ca' me little Charlie when I was young, thathe coudna gie it ower when I grew bigger than him; and he cried to me,"Weel done, little Charlie! Weel done, my brave
man!" I'll never forgetthat moment. My honest, kind-hearted father! Ye maun forgie me, sirs,for taking a hearty greet at this part o' my tale. Mony a ane hae Ita'en at the same bit.--Ay--he often ca'ed me little Charlie, and hecried, "Weel done, my brave man!" That was the hindmost word, and I haegood right to mind it.

  The battle thickened, and thickened round us, and we were borne back;for there was sic a rush made by the English to the rescue, that, antheir captain had been living, they wad hae tramped him to pieces. Iwas driven clean stupid, and cared nae ae preen for my life, after I sawthe ranks rush over my father; but the skrae-shankit Laidlaws defenditme, and did most excellent work. I never saw ony men that thought lessabout fleeing or retreating than the Laidlaws. Pell-mell, swap for swap,was a' that they countit on. I heard Davie o' Craik saying to hisbrother, "Take care o' that lang swabble Charlie, and keep by his side.Deil hae him, gin he be nae better than he looks like." The grim Pottswere mair cunning than rash; and the hard-headed Olivers could be ledbut never driven. The Laidlaws were the men for me. Pell-mell, yank foryank. "Thresh on, Will!" "Ay, here's w'ye, Davie; deil tak thehindmost!" I hae stood mony a stoure wi' the Laidlaws, and never wishedfor better lads--lang-shanks and a' thegither.

  But I'm forgetting my tale; for aince I get into the mids o' a battle,it's no easy getting me out again. I canna tell you a' the feats thatwere done that day, especially by the warden. When he saw the greatbrulzie in front, he came up with the Scotts, and the Johnstons, and theGrahams o' Drife,--and hearing that my father had fallen, and that theEnglish captain was also slain, he took the front himself, and scatteredthe English commoners like crows.

  When we had thus fairly broke through the centre, we turned to theright, and drove that division of the army before us till they tookshelter in Jed forest; but seeing the rest, who formed the strongestwing, marshalling up behind us, we drew off to the hills, and encampedthat night at the Brae of Rule.

  There was heavy mourning for the loss of my father, and we buried himnext day at Hassendean. The English were as much exasperated. DickNeville, the brother of Sir Robert, took the command, and up Teviot theycame, laying all waste behind them. We durst not engage them again inclose battle, for they were by far too numerous; but we kept hoveringaround them, and harrassing them whenever we could get a chance. Inspite of all we could do, they took the town of Hawick, plundered it,and burnt it to ashes. The warden was neither to haud nor to bind wi'anger then; and, as he durst not leave the country, nor tine sight o'them for an hour himself, he sent off Hab Elliot and me, wi' our hunderand fifty horse, to plunder the castle and lands of Ravensworth, by wayof retaliation.

  "Now, Charlie," said he to me at parting, "Mind what the Nevilles haedone baith to you and me, and neither leave them cow nor ewe, man,woman, nor bairn, blanket nor sheet, dish nor spoon."

  Aweel, aff Habby and I set; he wi' his Elliots, and me wi' myhard-headed Olivers, my grimy Potts, my skrae-shankit Laidlaws, and auldWill Nicol,--that was my army, and a gay queer ane it was: I hadna a mano' my ain name but mysel; for the warden kept them a' about him: Hewadna part wi' the Scotts at no rate. It was clear moonlight, sae we setoff before sun-set and rade a' the night, keeping aye the height betweenTyne and Reid; and at daylight we fand oursels at the place where thetwa Tynes meet. We were terrified for raising the country, and wereobliged to ride out to a little hollow place in a wild moor, and hideoursels a' the day, where our horses got nothing but a rive o' heather,but they had plenty o' water, puir things! Habby kept watch himsel, andlet us a' sleep; and there was ae camstary English chap that wad be upto the tap o' the hill reason or nane, Habby chappit aff his head--hewasna very sticking that way.

  The next morning after that, we gae the castle o' Ravensworth and therich domains o' the Nevilles an unco surprise. Habby gaed up by himselto the gate, and asked a word o' the porter. The man came snooving outhalf sleeping. Habby had him dead, and the keys in his ain hand, in halfa minute. It was a shamefu' morning that; for we killed, and harried,and burnt a' that came afore us; and Lady Ravensworth was burnt, and herbairn was trowed to be burnt. That sat sair on my conscience, for shecame to me and beggit her life. I had nae thought o' taking her life;but I was sae intent on the spulzie, that I lost her again, and neversaw mair o' her. It was rather cruel o' Habby to lock every door when heset fire to the castle. I saved ae little chap that morning, though Iwasna muckle the better. We were flinging blankets, and sheets, andthousands o' things out at a large window, when I hears a bairniegreeting most bitterlie, and aye crying out, "Daddy, daddy! O daddy,daddy!" "Poor little English brat," says I to mysel, "there's nae daddynear you." Sae I could nae help rinning into the room to see what kindo' creature it was; and there lay a fine bonnie callant on the barebed-strae, for they had pu'ed the down bed, and blankets, and sheets,and a' off him; and when he saw me, he held out baith his hands, andcried, "O daddy, daddy!" I could nae think to leave him to be burnt, saeI rowed him in some blankets and tossed him out at the window; and whenI lookit out after him to see if he wasna killed, I heard him cryinglouder than ever, "Daddy's boy fa'en! Take ye up, take ye up! O daddy,daddy! take ye up, take ye up!"

  When we came to pack up our goods he was still lying sprawling amang theblankets, and insisting on his daddy taking him up as fervently asbefore. I was wae for the poor thing, and didna ken what to do, for Ididna like to be nursing a bairn afore my new warriors. But as luck wadhae had it, up comes Will Laidlaw o' Craik. Will cared nae what ony bodythought.

  "What, lad?" says he to the boy: "What's the matter, billy? What are yelying yammering there for? Eh?"

  "Daddy's good boy fa'en," says the child; "O take ye up! take ye up!"

  "Poor deevil!" says Will, wi' his muckle een wauling till they were liketo come out; "Poor deevil! Indeed and I will take ye up, though I shouldget nae mair o' the spoil for my share but yoursel."

  Will fauldit a blankit, and rowed the callant carefully up in't like aweb. He didna come weel behand at rowing up a bairn; but he did as hecould, and had the sense to leave the head out, which was a mainconcern. Just at that very moment, when Will was at the thrangest, bycomes ane o' the Olivers in a great haste wi' his sword drawn, and itwas a' bloody. Now, thinks I to mysel', the puir bairn's gane; for I sawwhat kind o' chap he was that Oliver. Will unluckily had the boy's headout o' the blanket, and was busy speaking to him without regarding onything else; and ere ever he was aware Oliver heaved his bloody sword,and was just coming down wi' a swap on the boy's neck, and he wad haecuttit it through like a kail castock. Will's e'e caught a glimpse o'the sword as it was coming down, and with a dash of his elbow he droveit aside. "Eh? What are ye about, min?" said Will, speaking over hisshoulder, and keeping his body between Oliver's sword and the child.

  "Ooh? What are ye about min?" returned the other, mimicking Will's voiceand manner: "Hae ye nought ado but to work on a dirty English paddocklike that? Cut the neck o't."

  "Will I, min?" says Laidlaw: "I'll see you d--d first, and a' theOlivers atween Jed head and Tyot stane--humph? A bonnie trick to comeand meddle wi' me and my bit bairn!"

  Oliver went away laughing at Laidlaw, leaving him to manage his nursingconcern as he could.

  I had witnessed Will's undaunted bravery, and yet I canna say but I wasas weel pleased wi' this bit kind turn as ought I had seen him do. Ithink I see him yet wi' the child in his arms foussomly rowed up in ablanket, like a web--the head o' the boy out, a great neuk o' theblanket hinging down to the ground, and Will glowring back at Oliver'sface: "Eh? What are ye about, min? A bonnie story, to come and meddlewi' me and my bit bairn!" Ha! ha! ha! Honest Laidlaw! I can never forgethim and his bairn. "Cut the neck o't," says the other. "Will I, min?I'll see you d--d first," says Will. Ha! ha! ha! ha!--But then his look!that was the best sport ava; wi' his bendit face and muckle great wulcateen turned o'er his shoulder. "Cut the neck o't," says Oliver. Theythat had seen Laidlaw then! ha! ha! ha! "Will I, min?" Ha! ha! ha!

  * * * * *

  "My son, is there not a time for ever
y thing?" said the friar. "If thouthinkest at all on our condition and thine own, surely thou wilt refrainfrom such a torrent of vain jesting. Remember that the words of thymouth are for death or life; for the possession of maiden beauty, andlove, and pleasure; or for the most dismal, and miserable, and wretchedof all fates--to be killed and eaten up of thy brethren, the companionsof thy journey."

  "Gude faith, the thing's hardly to be thought of, let be spoken about,"said Charlie. "But I beg your pardon, callants, I maun get on wi' mytale; for if I stick it in the middle, ye ken it is a' ower wi' me."

  "I wish you would get on with it then," said Tam; "for if ye maun ayestop to laugh at your ain jests, we'll be a' dead o' hunger or ever thevotes be ta'en. Nane but fools laugh at their ain sports."

  "Whisht, whisht, Tam," returned Charlie,--"I hae a gay wide wizen when Iam amang friends, but there are some things that I canna swallow for a'that--Where was I at? Aye at the sacking o' Ravensworth."

  * * * * *

  We drave the richest prey that morning that I ever yet saw liftit, if wehad gotten it a' hame. We had thirty horses laden wi' stuff, and otherthirty led anes, besides thirteen score o' good cattle; and we gae thebanks o' the Teme and the Blackburn an unco singe afore we left them. Iwas rather against the burning, but Habby wadna be stayed; "Na, na; titfor tat, Charlie. That will stand for Hawick and Abbotrule."

  We drave on, and drave on, as fast as the cattle could gang, and some o'the heavy soft anes we were obliged to leave behind sair against ourwills. We were terrified for raising the country, for we had sic a fardrive: but luckily the Nevilles had ta'en amaist every man with them intheir expedition into Scotland; and the first time that we hovered wason Tersit-moor in Northumberland, a little before the break o' day. Atthat place there was the strangest thing happened to us that everhappened to men,--and it was for that that I began my tale.

  My heart had been unco sair a' the night wi' thinking about the bonnieLady Neville o' Ravensworth; and I had often been sae grieved about herdeath, and her bairn's death, that I hardly kend what I was doing. Ithought I saw her kneeling on her knee, and begging of me to spare herlife, and the life o' her child; and then how cruel it was in me to rinaway rummaging up the stair, and lose the opportunity of preserving her.These thoughts had made my heart wholly inclined to pity, and, as soonas we lighted, I sought out Will Laidlaw o' Craik, to see if he hadstill been able, amang a' the confusion, to preserve the life of thechild. Will had had a great deal o' trouble wi' him, chiefly from hisassociates, but he had him still safe an' sound. He had stuffed him in ahorse's pack o' blankets and sheets, _wi' his head out_, and had keptbeside him a' the gate; and now when I found him he had laid the boydown on the heather to sleep, and had him weel happit up, and Willhimsel was lying streekit beside him. He thought that I wad gibe himabout the business, and tried to waive the subject; but when I told himhow much I was pleased wi' what he had done, he grew rather crouser, andcould speak about naething else but the boy and his little sayings tohim by the way. "Poor little dear soul!" said Will; "I think some bodyhad flung him o'er the castle wa' in an armfu' claes, and never kend;and wha kens but he may be the heir o' Ravensworth himsel. He has beensae miraculously saved that he will surely come to something. But do yeken, Charlie, my heart is already sae closely knitted to that bithelpless bairn, that I wadna see ony ill come ower him for a' the kye onthe Crib-Law."

  "Laidlaw, you shall never rue your kindness o' heart and attentions tothat puir misfortunate bairn," quo' I: "The moment that I saw you takehim up, and row him in a blanket, _wi' his head out_, as ye had beenrowing up a wab, I resolved to reward you wi' my hale share o' thespulzie."

  "Never speak about that, Charlie; if we get safe hame wi' every thingwe'll no differ about the spulzie."

  "Ha, but Will, your rowing up o' the bairn was a rare scene! ony otherbody but you, ye ken, wad hae taken the creature up in their arms androwed a blanket about it: but instead o' that you doubled a pair o'blankets their hale length on the green, laid the bairn across the oneend o' them, and rowed it ower the body, and ower the body, and ower thebody, till ye came to the far end; and it was but ill rowed up aftera'--ha! ha! ha!"

  "Hout, Charlie! deil a bit but ye're ower muckle ta'en up about trifles.I wish ye wad think mair about the perilous situation we are in. Watch awee while, and let me get a sleep."

  Will then laid his arm over the boy and the hott o' claes, and fellsound asleep. Our men were a' placed two and three around the hale muirto guard the cattle, and all were resting on their arms, to be ready torush together on any alarm. I was sitting and keeping a good look outa' round about, and Will he was swuffing and sleeping. Every thing wasquiet, except now and then that the hum of an ox was to be heard whichmissed his neighbour, or the eiry whistle o' the moss-plover. It was awhile before the day-sky, and I was just beginning to turn drowsy, whenI thought I saw something white on the muir, about two hundred stridesfrom me. "St Mary be my buckler!" said I to mysel: "What can you be? Itis surely a flight o' white mist risen out o' the earth, for I see itmoving. If it be a mist fawn, as I dare say it can be naething else, ithas drawn itself up into a form the likest that of a woman of ought everI saw." As I was mumbling and speaking this to mysel, I perceived thatit still drew nearer, and that it wasna ane o' the fairy fawns o' mistwhiles to be seen stealing about i' the night-time, but a lady a' cladin white. It glided athort the moor, and athort the moor, as if it hadbeen looking for something it had lost; and at last I saw it spring awayfrom one point to another at a considerable distance, as swift as aflash o' fire, as if something had startled or offended it. I learnedafter that the point from which it fled was the very spot where HabbyElliot lay, and who at that time was lying in a sound and troubledsleep. When it again stopped, its motions were very extraordinary,--forthough the morning was dark, there was such a pale and a pure whitenessabout it, that I saw it the better. It was like a streamer o' light, orthe reflection of a starn in the water, that aye in the darkest nightsappears brightest. When it paused at the place I mentioned, it bent itsbody backward, its arms were crossed on its breast, and I saw like itshair streaming in the air behind it. Then it spread both its handstoward heaven, as in the act of making fervent supplication. From thatpoint it came straight toward me, after giving a shiver that made all myeen dazzle.

  "Will Laidlaw!" cried I, but in a violent whisper below my breath; "WillLaidlaw o' Craik! for God's sake waken up, and see what this is."

  I was sitting, but Will sprang to his feet, and seized his sword."Where? where? where? Where is it, Charlie? Where is it, callant?"whispered he. I pointed to it, but durst not speak. Will rubbed his eenand rubbed his een, and at length perceived it. "I do believe, lad, thatis some hizzy--and a weel dressed ane she is," said he; still speakingin a whisper, and sitting down close beside me. "What on God's earth canshe be seeking on this waste at sic an untimely hour?" I durst hardlydraw my breath, let be to answer him; and sae he continued, "I think itwad hae been as decent-like an she had lain still in her bed rather ascomed raiking out amang a wheen wild men on sic a wild height. Oho! I'llwager my neck it is some spy in disguise."

  She was by this time within ten paces o' us, and we both sat still inbreathless suspense till she came close to us. I thought I had seen theface before, but couldna tell where, till she kneeled on one knee at myfeet, crossed her hands, and looked me in the face with the most piteousexpression of countenance. Then I saw it was the lady o' Ravensworth,and in the very posture that I had seen her for the first and last time.Yet there was no anger in her face; it seemed merely a look ofsupplication; and at length she touched her lips three times, as anintimation that she wished to speak and could not. As for me, my mouthwas sealed; and that I might see nae mair than I had seen, I threw myselagroof, wi' my face to the ground, and held by the heather firmly wi'baith my hands.

  Honest Will had nae suspicions o' ony thing beyond nature; and at lengthhe says, "What are you wanting wi' us, Madam, that ye're making a' thaemurgeons?"
/>   "You do not know me," returned she, "but that young warrior beside youdoes. He has been guilty of a neglect that he will rue till the day ofhis death. But, for another deed of mercy that you and he have done,your fates are averted, and your heads shall be covered in the hour ofdanger, which is fast approaching. You have saved a child from thedevouring flames;--if you dare to wrong a hair of that child'shead, how dreadful will be your doom! There is a terrible hourapproaching;--look at his breast that you may know him again, for Icannot see the fate of the day. But if you would thrive on earth and beadmitted into heaven, guard and preserve that dear child--That child ismine--"

  "Say nae mair, honest woman," says Will, perfectly undismayed, "an thechild be yours you're perfectly welcome to him. It was to save his bitinnocent life that I brought him away, and no for ony greed o' otherfolks bairns. I kendna wha was aught him, but sin he be yours I'lldeliver him safe into your hands. Take care an' no let him get cauld,for the morning air is no gude for a bairn."

  So saying, Will howked the boy out o' the mids o' a great heap o' claes,rowed him up as weel as he could, and then said, after two or threesobs, "I like ill to part wi' him, but a mother's aye a mother." Then hekissed him, and added, "Fare-ye weel, my wee man! You and I will may-benever meet again; but, whether or no, you will be nae the waur o' atrooper's blessing. An ye be spared ye'll be a man when auld WillLaidlaw's head is laid i' the grave. Hae, honest woman, there's yourson, and God bless you baith!"

  She bent her body over him in the most affectionate way, and stretchedher arms as if to embrace him, but she neither touched him nor any partof Laidlaw's claes. The boy had awakened, and when Will held him out togive him up to his mother, he cried out, "No-no-no-no. No go ty'e, no got'ye. Daddy's boy feared, daddy's boy feared."

  "Gude faith, sae ye may, my man! thinks I to mysel, "an ye kend about a'this as weel as I do!"

  I saw naething that was passing, for I was lying close on my face, andhinging by the heather; but I heard a that was said, and Will tauld methe rest afterwards. He said, she made the sign of the cross above herchild's breast, then over his own head, as he stooped forward with himin his arms. Then she glided aside, and made the cross over my head andshoulders, and it was heaven's grace that I didna ken, else I wad haeswarfed away. Last of all, she again bent herself over her child, andstretched out her arms on each side of him; then, leaning herself backon the air, she arose gently from the ground, and sailed away throughthe dim shades of the morning toward the verge of the heaven.

  I wondered what was asteer then, for I heard Will crying on the VirginMary to preserve him, and rhaming o'er the names o' a' the saints he hadever heard of; and at length he gae a great gluther, like a mandrowning, and fell down wi' sic a dunt he gart a' the moss shake again.The bairn screamed and grat; and I didna ken what to do, for I durstnalook up for fear o' seeing the ghost; till at length I heard that therest of the sentinels had caught the alarm, and were passing thewatch-word frae ane to another, and then I ventured to set up my head.But, gude and gracious, sic a grip as I did haud by the heather!

  I took up the child, covered him with my cloak, and soothed him; andthe poor little harassed thing hid his face in my bosom. Will layquivering and struggling like ane in a dream, or under the influence ofthe night-mare; and, after I had rolled him three times over, he awokein the most horrid consternation. "Charlie, where are ye? Speak to me,Charlie, and tell me where I am." Then a whole string o' saints andangels were a' invoked, one after another, ower and ower again. "Mercyon us, Charlie! I hae had sic a dream as never mortal man had; and a'sae plain and sae particular, I could amaist swear it was real. What doye think, Charlie? Didna this bairn's mother come to me in my sleep? andshe says to me, 'That bairn's mine.'--Na, that wasna what she saidfirst. 'Ye dinna ken me,' says she." And then Will began and told me allthat I had heard pass between them before, and all that I had seen, andsome part that I had not seen; but a' that I could do, I couldnapersuade him that it wasna a dream. And it was better it was sae; for ifhe had kend and believed that he had conversed with a spirit, it wadhae put him daft. It pat me clean out o' my judgment; and for that day,and mony a day and night after, I kend nae mair what I was doing thanane dreaming, and remembered nae mair what I had been doing than if Ihad been asleep all the time. I can therefore gie but a puir and a lameaccount o' what followed, for it is maistly from hearsay, although I wastauld that I bure a principal hand in the fray.

  We started at the scraigh o' day, and drove on. There were always fouror five light horsemen, well mounted, who rode before our array to seeif the coast was clear; and as we went round the head of the Gowan Burn,about mid-day, ane o' these came galloping back, and told us that theEnglish were awaiting us at the fords of Keilder, with an army of athousand horse.

  "Aha!" quo' Habby Elliot! "I thought we warna to get hame this way. Wehae just twa choices, callants, either to fight or flee."

  There was not a man in all our little army that could think ofscampering off for bare life, and leaving such a prey behind him; so,with one assent, we rode forward in a body to the brow of the hill thatoverlooks the fords of Keilder. The English were stationed on a risingground to the west of the river, and that being passable only by oneford, which was very rough, we could not attack them without thecertainty of being cut to pieces; so we kept our station on the steepbrae over against them, and sent some few of our oldest and weakliestmen to be moving the prey out toward Keilder-head.

  We calculated the English to be about five hundred; but neither durstthey cross the ford to come to us. They sent a few flights of arrowsamong our men, which we regarded very little, and determined, ifpossible, to keep them at bay there till our rich prey had crossed theborder fell. But just at the fall of the evening, to our great surprise,the English rushed at once into the ford, with loud and reiteratedshouts; and scarcely had we begun to advance down the steep to meetthem, when we were attacked by another body of horsemen behind.

  These men were led by a great priest whose name was Bishop Boldone, butwho was always called Bloody-Sark; and at the very first encounter HabElliot rushed among the English ranks and slew the Bishop with his ownhand at the first blow. But it cost Habby dear, for he was cut down inendeavouring to retreat, and fell under a dozen of spears. In short, oursmall band, being inclosed between two stronger bodies, was literallyhewed in pieces, but not before they had slain a great number of ourenemies. Will Laidlaw and I fought side by side; and though enclosed inthe very middle of our foes, we cut our way through, and escaped withouta wound, and with short pursuit.

  Our prey was gone. We saw a great part of them scattered on the hills,and heard them lowing, as they returned toward their native pastures.Our drivers, having watched the fate of the day, made their escape whenthey saw us surrounded, abandoning the spoil. We two fled in silencetoward the north-east, and could not even get time to look for thechild, in whom we were both so much interested. We had lost our wellearned prey; we had lost our friends and companions in arms, and we hadlost our honour by suffering ourselves to be surprised by the ambushbehind; yet we both felt as if the loss of the child sat heavier on ourhearts than all. There was something so mysterious in our connectionwith him, that it could not fail making a deep impression on our minds.The vision that we had seen, and the promise that had been made tous,--that "for what we had done our heads should be shielded in the dayof battle,"--soon recurred to us, and we both agreed that our escape wasmiraculous, and perfectly unaccountable to ourselves. There were not twoin the battle who exposed themselves more, and Laidlaw averred that hesometimes saw twenty weapons raised against us at once, and that still,as we approached, the bearers of them seemed to lose the power ofstriking. It was no wonder that we were impressed with deep awe, northat we both wished it had been in our power to have preserved the boy,over whose life there seemed to be some good guardian spirit permittedor appointed to watch. Our conversation was all about him. There hadbeen a nest made for him in a pack of clothes. Laidlaw had led the horsehimself all the way, and the chi
ld had chatted to him, till the alarmwas given that we were waylaid, and he had then given the horse incharge to one of the drivers, with particular injunctions to take careof the child; but he could not even remember who that driver was. I cameup immediately after, and charged the lad to take care of the child;and, in the hearing of several of my followers, said that I would ratherthey lost the whole drove than that ought should happen to him. But nowwe had lost him; we had lost all but our horses and our swords.

  We jogged on all the night in melancholy mood, crossed the Border, andthen turned westward toward the Cowd-Peel, which we reached aboutsun-rise. A little after the break of day, as we were coming through ahollow of the height, called the Spretty-Grain, we perceived somethingbefore us that appeared to be moving, and of a prodigious bulk, which,after some hesitation we made up to, and found that the phenomenonconsisted of eight horses, all well loaden, and every one with its headyerked to the tail of the one before him; and all these were driven byone yeoman on horseback, who rode beside them with a long goad in hishand.

  We soon overtook and examined him; and never was I so much astonished inmy life as when I found it was my own henchman auld Will Nicol. He wasvery dour and shy of communication at first.

  "Will Nicol! Is it you?" said I. "How in the name of wonder did youescape?"

  "Humph! I think I may as weel speir that question at you: Humph!" saysWill.

  "I thought you had fallen with the rest in the battle," said I.

  "Humph! but I'm here," says Will. "And I think there's mae here nor me:humph! and I rather think I hae brought mair wi' me nor some fock:humph! I'm comed as fu' handit as some fock, I think. Humph!"

  "But, Will, were you in the engagement?"

  "What need ye speir that? humph! Where was I else but in theengagement?"

  "And did you stay till it was over?"

  "Humph! I stayed lang aneuch, I think! humph! It is needless to waitower lang on a seen bad job. Humph!"

  But the real truth of the story was, that instead of staying till thebattle was ower, Will didna stay till it began, nor near that time. Hewas an auld-farrant chap Will, and had a great deal o' foresight; andwhen he saw us begin to stop, and the English standing peaceably beforeus, _herding us_, as he ca'ed it, he was sure there were more enemiescoming up behind.

  "Will, if I were sure that ye deserted our cause, and came off beforethe engagement began," said I, "although I have not a man left that Iken o', but Will o' Craik and yoursel, may I be a coward and a traitorif I wadna cut you down i' the place where you stand."

  Will had nothing to say for himself but "Humph! humph!" and he scratchedhis head and grumbled. I was quite indignant at the old fellow, and wasgetting into a greater rage than ever I hae been in at a friend sinsyne,when all at once I heard a weak tremulous voice say, "Daddy's boy cold."

  "Aih-hay-hay!" shouted Will Laidlaw, as loud as he could yell: "Hilloa,hilloa, hilloa!"--and he sprang first on the back of his own horse withhis feet, and from that he darted upon one of those that carried thepacks. When I rode up he was sitting on the rumple o' the beast, huggingthe child, that he had deemed lost, in his bosom, kissing him, andexclaiming,--"Aih, my man! my dear man, are ye safe? are ye safe? Godbless auld Will Nicol! God bless auld Will Nicol!"

  It was impossible for two down-cast and broken-hearted warriors to bemore uplifted at any incident than Will Laidlaw and I were, atdiscovering that the boy was safe; and even auld Will Nicol began torecover some confidence.--"I heard you giving a chap some charges abouthim, that I kend weel caredna if his head were off,--od, he was ane o'the hard-headed Olivers. What cares an Oliver for a man's life, or abairn's either?--Sae I thinks, sin my young master has ta'en a likingfor the bairn, I's e'en gang and look after him. It is a good sign of ayoung warrior to like to save women and bairns. Sae I gangs, and sae Ithinks sin I is bringing away this wee chap out o' danger, I may as weelbring something wi' me as naething; sae I brings aught o' the besthorses, and the best laden anes that I could wale, and bound for theBorder. A fashous job I hae had wi' them a' night."

  It is needless to tell how frankly auld Will was forgiven.

  The Cowd-Peel being a rallying point on all Border raides, we stayedthere a whole day and a night, in hopes that some part of our men wadcome up; but out of all my fifty men there were none appeared but threeof the Potts. The hard-headed Olivers had been slain to a man, and allthe Laidlaws save my brave companion. Out of ninety valiant Elliotsthere were only twelve remaining, and some of these were of the drivers.

  There were fifty-seven Scots, and nearly as many English, withBloody-Sark at their head, buried in one cairn; and, for the sake of theBishop, the English raised a heap of stones above them as huge as anabbey church, which will be seen on the height above the ford of Keilderfor ever.

  Laidlaw slept that night in a good bed with the boy in his arms, for wehad no lack of the finest blankets and sheets; and that night the whitelady appeared to him again, claiming her child, yet still declining toaccept of him, and promising Will protection on earth and a reward inheaven if he continued to guard and protect that boy. Whether this wasin a dream or not, Laidlaw could not be positive; but he rather inclinedto think he was wide awake, for he remembered of speaking to heraudibly. Among other things, she asked him if he knew it was the childthat had slept by him on the waste the night before the battle. Willsaid he was sure. She asked him how. He answered, that "unless thefairies had changed him it could nae be ony other."

  "But the fairies or some one else may change him," said she. "You may beseparated amid the confusion and uproar now on the Border; and when youmeet again, you may not be able to prove the identity of my child. Ibade you the other night examine his bosom, but you neglected to do so.If you had, you would there have found the spur of Ravensworth,testifying his lineage and descent to all the world."

  Will came to me in a great ferment the next day, and told me of allthis. I had heard the same words the night before the battle, but hadquite forgot them among other matters, and wist as little what theymeant as Will did.

  "I hae lookit a' his bits o' claes, and graepit them a'," said he; "butI can find nae spur. How could there be a spur about a nakit bairn? Itis may be in amang the blankets."

  "It is perhaps some private mark," said I. "Let us examine the child'sbody very narrowly."

  On doing so we found a slight mark on his breast, that seemed to havebeen made by applying a hot iron at some time previous, and it wasexactly in the form of a V with the wrang end uppermost. So we bothconcluded that this was a private mark of some family, that neitherfairies nor men kend o', and that it was perhaps a stamp that keepitthem a' away.

  * * * * *

  "It is the stamp of the heirs lineal of the house of Neville," said thefriar; "I have impressed it with my own hand, after many masses and AveMarias said. What became of that child? or whither is he gone? I praythee to inform us in the words of truth not lengthened out."

  * * * * *

  Alas, I cannot tell! He was visited by the white lady of Ravensworthevery night, and when the gloaming came she would be seen hovering onthe skirts of the wood near to him. I grew that I durstna sleep a nightwithin ten miles o' him, and Will Laidlaw turned clean bumbazed aboutthe thing; sae we were obliged to send him to board wi' auld LadyLawder, her that was put out o' the convent for witchery and the illarts. She cared nought about spirits, and conversed wi' the white ladyas she had been her door neighbour; and it was said there were strangemysterious sayings past between them. She book-learned the boy,pen-learned the boy, and learned him mony other things foreby that werethought to be nae better than they should hae been. She chauntit sangstil him, and tauld him tales, and, there was little doubt, meant tobreed him up to be a terrible enchanter; but afore that could beeffeckit, the white lady came and took him away a' thegither.

  From that day he has never been seen or heard of in this world, neitheras boy nor man. And now, sirs, I find that my story's worn to a headh
air, and that I maun cut it short. So it is done, and that's an endtil't.

  CHAPTER VIII.

  I have been a skipper in my time, And something more. Anon, I'll tell it you.

  OGILVIE.

  "It is nae worth the name of a story that," said Tam Craik; "for, in thefirst place, it is a lang story; in the second place, it is a confusedstory; and, in the third place, it ends ower abruptly, and rather lookslike half a dozen o' stories linkit to ane anither's tails."

  The poet was by this time on his feet, and, coming forward to Charlie,he looked him sublimely in the face, stretched out his hand, and spokeas follows: "There is some being, wheresoe'er he dwells, that watcheso'er the fates of mortal men: now do I know it. Yea, and that same beinghas spirits of all casts at his command, that run, and fly, and trim,and trim, and trim about this world. And it is even true that I haveseen of these, yet knew them not. Look here, brave hero, man of heartand hand! and see if thou canst note thy mark once seen? Thy spur; thy Awithout the crossing stroke; thy V with the wrong end upmost,--is ithere?"

  The poet bowed his breast, and exposed it to Charlie's eye, which, atthe first scrutinizing look, discerned the mark he had formerlyseen,--the mark of the spur of Ravensworth. Charlie's visage alteredinto lengthened amazement. It could scarcely have been more stronglymarked when he was visited by the white lady on Tersit moor, even whenhe was glad to hide his face in the moss, and hold by the heather withboth his hands.

  "And are you really the chap that I threw out at the window in thecastle of Ravensworth," said he, "and boarded wi' auld lady Lawder? Thecreature that had a ghaist for its guardian, and a witch for its nurse?But what need I spier? My ain een convinces me. Gude faith but we are aqueer set that are prickit up on the top o' this tower thegither! I amamaist terrified to enquire where you have been since the white ladytook you away; for ye must have been in the fairy land, or the countryo' the gruesome ghaists, or perhaps in a waur place than either."

  "We are a queerer set than you are thinking of," said Tam; "for here amI standing, Tam Craik, liege man and true to the brave Scottish Warden,and I carena wha kens it now; but I am neither less nor mair a man thanjust Marion's Jock o' the Dod-Shiel, that sliced the fat bacon, ate thepet lamb, and killed the auld miser, Goodman Niddery. Here's the samewhittle yet, and ready at the service of ony ane that requires it forthe same end. Od, we seem to ken mair about ane anither than ony ane o'us kens about ourselves."

  "The day wears on apace," said the Master; "and I foresee that there isrelief approaching from more quarters than one." (This made all theparty spring to the windows to look.)--"It is not yet visible to youreyes, but it will come time enough. In the meanwhile, it would be aswell to get through with the stories, that we may know and fix on ourvictim, for, perhaps, we may need a mart this night. And, it being nowyour turn, liegeman Thomas, or John, by right of seniority, if you knowof nothing better I should like much to hear the adventures of such apromising youth, from the day that you made away with the farmer to thispresent time."

  "Better, Master Michael Scott?" said Tam. "Better, does your honour say?Nay, by my sooth I ken o' naething half sae good. I hae been anill-guided chap a' my life; but, as you will hear, I hae guided othersat times but in a middling way."

  Tam Craik's Tale.

  My friend, the laird, has given you my early history, perhaps betterthan I could hae done myself, but that is to judge of. He hath added anddiminished,--but yet he told his story wi' some life, and a' the betterthat he didna ken wha heard him. In one thing he was wrong informed, forI was not seen on Kirtle-common that night I fled from the slaughter ofthe old inveterate wretch. I ran in a contrary direction, and slept thatnight in a moss-hagg, at the head of a water called Lanshaw Burn. Manya hard night I have had, but that was one of the bitterest of them all.I did not rue having killed the goodman, for I rejoiced at having letout his dirty miserable life and saved my own,--but then I was sure tobe taken up and hanged for a murderer; and I was chased away from mymother and my country, and durst not face a human being. I saw somegoats and some sheep, and would gladly have killed one to have eaten,for I saw hunger staring me in the face; but they would not let me comenear them. I likewise saw a shepherd's or forester's house, but keptaloof; and going up into a wild bushy glen, I cried myself asleep, halfnaked as I was, and slept till about the break of day. When I awakened,starving with hunger and cold, I had no shift but to pull rashes and eatthe white ends of them, which I continued to do all that day whenever Icame to a rash bush. The next night I came to a solitary house, where Iventured to go in, and there I first gave myself the name of Tam Craik,telling abundance of lies as to my origin. The master of the house wasa wealthy vassal, and had great numbers of fat oxen, with cows andcalves, besides a few sheep, and he kept me to help him to herd these,promising me a grey coat if I attended to his satisfaction. He was amost extraordinary man, and none of the best,--for his words and actionswere at variance: Though he conversed with me, or any one, with theutmost familiarity, I never found out that he had told me one word oftruth. The first friend that came to visit him after my arrival, heoverloaded so with kindness, professions of friendship, and respect,that I believed he loved him as his own soul; and, after he was gone, asmy master and I went out to the fields, I observed what a treasure itwas to have so good and so valued a friend as he had in that neighbourof his. What was my astonishment to hear from the same tonguethat had lauded him to the skies, that he was a cheat, a liar, and ascoundrel;--a greedy sordid wretch that robbed his own hinds, and suchwandering pedlars as came by that road, not daring to venture on highergame; one who seduced men's wives and daughters indiscriminately; andwas, in short, a perfect demon, and a pest to the whole neighbourhood."But, master, why did you caress and commend him so much to his face?""O! that is all very well; that goes all for nothing. He is to be sure avile scoundrel!" "There are queer people in this world," thought I:"There is nothing for it, I see, but, _Tam, mind yoursel_."

  The farmer continued very kind to me in his own deceitful way; but themeat that we got was very bad. It consisted of lean beef, and venison asblack as soot, with plenty of milk; but as for bread we had none of anydescription. So, from the day that I entered to his service, Idetermined to kill a lamb, or a sheep of any sort, the first time Icould get one; but I never could get the least chance, and might as wellhave tried to get hold of a deer. I could not help thinking of thedelicious feasting that I had in my little shieling, dear as it had liketo have cost me; and every day my appetite for fat flesh became moreinsufferable, till at last, by a grand expedient, I got satisfaction ofit. I had thirty fat stots in my herd, and I observed that, in hurryingthem through a bog, they sunk, and stuck quite fast: so, having no otherresource, I drove a few of them one day, when I was very hungry, into amire in a wood, and rushing forward on them while they were struggling,I sticked the fattest among them to the heart, so that he floundered andbled to death in the slough. "Well done again, Marion's Jock!" said I tomyself. "Here is feasting for you now! Here is a feast that will lastyou a twelve month at odd times, if you can but preserve it." I declarewhen I began to cut up that huge animal, I almost trembled at myatrocity; but these kind of feelings soon wear off. I was obliged to eatsome collops that day without any cooking, and never relished oughtbetter; I wish we saw such a meal again! My thin yellow beard was alittle discoloured to be sure, but that was nothing; I washed it, andwent home as boldly among the rest as if nothing wrong had been done.

  When I returned to my prey, I found to my great grief that the foxes,dogs, ravens, and every savage beast and hind on these mountains, weredetermined to share with me; they had actually eaten more in that onenight than would have served me a week;--so the next day I employedmyself in cutting off all the good, fat, and savoury pieces, andsecreted them in well-springs, covering them up with stones; this I didto preserve them from the beasts and from putrefaction; and that day Iam sure I had at least ten stones weight of excellent beef,--the whiteand red were so beautifully mixed, it did
one's heart good to look atit.

  Pleasures are of short date, and the greatest pleasures have theshortest! My master went over the lake next day to look at my herd, andI knew the ox would be missed. Had it not been for my beloved beef Iwould have made my escape forthwith; but my heart was knit to it, andfor my life I could not leave it. I went home at night in great terror,but to my joy I never saw my master half so kind. He told me I hadsuffered one of my stots to be stolen, but what could the like of mehelp it: he had a rough guess who had taken him, and would perhaps makehim repent it. I was perfectly overjoyed at this construction, andresolved to revel in feasting and gladness; but next day when I wentback to my ox, the hide was neatly taken off him, so also was the head,and both were taken away. This was perfectly unaccountable to me; and Isaw the marks of men's feet in the mire, confirming the fact that somebody had been there stealing the head and the skin of my ox, which werein my eyes not worth half the labour of taking them off. I knew not whatto make of this, but it was evident that my prey had been discovered bysome one; and all that I could calculate farther on was, that the hidehad been stolen by some body who stood in need of it for shoes, and thehead by one who wanted bugle-horns. It was all one to me, as I grew moreand more a favourite with my master, who now began to caress me morethan his own sons. No young lad in the land could be more thrifty aboutmeat than I was. Being anxious to have the remainder of my bullock outof sight, I stole salt and a small barrel, and salted my stuff in a holebelow ground; then, when no very good meat was going by day at mymaster's house, I often fasted the greater part of it, and then taking acoal by night, I stole away into the wood, and roasted, and boiled, andfeasted the whole night. The beef was delicious, and it was amazing whatgreat quanties I sometimes snapped up at once; for even after I thoughtI could eat no more, there was a part of white marrowy substance aboutthe joints, and the sides of the bones, that I could not give over--noman could give it over. Marry, how delicious it was! I account that finemeat mixed with white, that lies wedged in along the doublings andshelves of the bones, as the most glorious species of man's food;--roundthe broad shoulder-bone, for instance, the spool-bone,--that throughwhich we look for the storms. Think but of the layers of the red andthe white that lie bedded around that. Peatstacknowe, let me feel yourshoulder. I suppose a man has no spool-bone,--ah no!--none! BlessedVirgin! when shall I again shire the long crooked slices of the redmeat, mixed with white, from the flats and the hollows of a broadspool-bone!

  * * * * *

  "He is hungering and yearning to pick my bones, the cannibal dog," saidGibby. "But it brings me in mind of a good saying and a true: The swinethat is most eager to feed itself is the first slaughtered to feedothers."

  "The horse-leach hath drawn thee aside from thy onward relation, thoufroward and voracious one," said the friar: "Verily, it is better forthee that thou return to thy tale, before thy strength be consumedwithin thee."

  * * * * *

  The loss of this sturdy ox of my master's gave rise to strange matters;matters which quite confounded my judgment, and which to this day I donot comprehend. My master went away to the sheriff, and the lord of themanor, and made a complaint that his neighbour before-mentioned hadstolen one of his cattle, the best that he had on his farm. This was theman that he caressed so much, yet knew to be a scoundrel. The complaintwas attended to, and the injury deeply resented. My master returned witha strong body of men, and orders to seize Glendairg, and search all hispremises; and if evidence appeared against him, he was to be carriedbefore Lord William, called the Severe, and there imprisoned in thedungeon till time should be given him to clear himself, which, if hefailed to do in a certain period, he was to be swung. All my master'sservants, men and women, were ordered to proceed with the party; I wentamong the rest, and certainly never witnessed so curious a scene.Glendairg came out and met the party with all the consciousness ofinnocence; and even when he was seized and bound, he still appeared todoubt of the sincerity of the men, espepecially when they told him itwas at the instance of my master.

  "If that is all, it is well," said he; "I am sure my kind friend andneighbour can mean me no ill by it."

  My master took him aside, and said to him in the kindest and mostsoothing manner, "Do not be the least disheartened, my dear friend: Youknow how far I would be from injuring you. I would not do it for all thecows in my byre. I ken weel wha has the ox. There is little doubt but heis in our neighbour Bauldy's beef stand. I have long suspected him, andmany is the good beast I have lost. You little know how many good beastsI have lost, and was still so loth to make it public. But I can sufferit no longer. Let the skaith fall upon the skaither. In the mean time Iknow you are quite innocent, but I instituted this search as a blind tohim: You must just submit and never mind it."

  "O, very well, neighbour, very well," said Glendairg; "I knew you couldnot intend me any ill,--search all out and in, and welcome."

  They did so; they searched all out and in, and at last, when about togive up, they found the individual ox's hide that I slew in the bog,lying hid deep below some hay and corn in the corner of a barn. Inanother place still more unfeasible, they found the ox's head. They wereboth laid upon the green, and my master and all his servants, myselfincluded, swore to their identity, as we could not do otherwise.Glendairg looked like one bewildered, and said there was a plot laidagainst his life, which he neither understood, suspected, nor merited.The shrieve's officers laughed him to scorn, and proposed to hang him upon the nearest tree; and I believed they would have done it, had it notbeen for the kindness of my master, who came forward with tears in hiseyes, and addressed them somewhat thus:

  "Alas, my masters, this is a heavy and a sorrowful sight for me! This isthe bitterest day of my life! I have lost many and many good cattle, andyet I would not,--I could not, let myself suspect my intimate friend.Think how I am grieved to see these proofs. Yet perhaps he may beinnocent, and this may be some vile plot laid against his life. I beg,therefore, that he may be set at liberty, and the whole business hushedup."

  "You are a good man and a kind," said the men; "but this thing must notbe. With our lord and master, justice must have sway; but we will reportyour goodness and generosity to him, and be sure it will not gounrewarded. We can assure you, that this man has not only forfeited hislife, but all his farms, as well as his stock of cattle and sheep toyourself."

  For all this my master refused to be comforted, but wept and followedafter the men, pleading for the life and the freedom of his friend, buthe pleaded in vain; the men bound him on a horse, and carried him awaywith them to the dungeon of the castle of Coombe. I marvelled greatly atthe great kindness and generosity of my master, knowing, as he did, thatthe man was a scoundrel; but I wondered far more what could induce theman to steal the hide and the head from off my ox.

  My master was a married man, and had four children; and though hewas apparently a kind husband, his wife seemed quite unhappy anddiscontented, which I thought highly unreasonable on her part. She knewmore, however, than I did; and there are some small matters that womennever patiently put up with. He had a number of servant-maids for thepurpose of milking cows, making hay, and cheeses, and such things; andamong them there was a very pretty one named Kelly, with whom he hadfallen in love; and, after long toying and courting, he had seduced her.I knew nothing about these sorts of concerns; but I thought Kell, as wecalled her, the most beautiful, sprightly, and innocent being thatlived, and I liked to look at her and hear her speak; and whenever shecame near me, I was like to fall a-trembling. She slept with a littlechild in a large open loft, above the room where my master and mistressslept; and it so happened that something came by night and frightenedher, and she refused to sleep there any longer without some one besideher. I slept by myself in one of the out-houses; and it was immediatelyproposed by my master that my bed should be removed, and put up in theloft beside Kell's. I was drunken with delight at hearing thisintelligence; yet I pretended to be very aver
se to the plan, hanging myhead, and turning about my back, when any one spoke of it, nor would Ianswer a word to one of them but "Tutt," or "tutts."

  "Tam Nosey, it seems ye're gaun to be bedded wi' bonny Kell the night?"

  "Tutt!"

  "Ye're gaun up to sleep beside her, and do ye think ye'll never briklair?"

  "Tutt!"

  "She's a bonny burd yon, Tam, ye maun tak care."

  "Tutts!"

  Well, up I went the next night to sleep in a bed that stood side byside, or rather end by end, with that of Kell. Oh I was so terrified forher, or for having any communication with her, that I would not speak aword even when she spoke to me, but covered myself over the head withthe bed-clothes, and lay puffing till I was like to choak for want ofbreath. I did not sleep well at all. I could not sleep, for she wasalways yawning, and then saying, "Heigh-ho!" and then hushing the childto sleep. The next night I ventured to lye with my head out from beneaththe clothes, unless when she spoke, which alarmed me exceedingly; and soI did the next night again, behaving myself with great magnanimity. Atlength I came to that pass, that when she spake to me I did not creepdown beneath the bed-clothes, but only made a great bustle and flingingas if I _had been_ hiding myself. This practice of deception I continuedfor several nights, always making more and more pouncing and scrapingevery time she addressed me. She laughed at me, and seemed highlyamused, which made me still the worse. At length she said one night,"Pray do not creep through the house for fright; what makes you soafraid of me? what ill do you think I will do to you? Heigh-ho, Nosey! Iwish the bogle may not come to-night. I am afraid it will come, for Ithought I heard it. Look that it do not rise at the back of your bed,for that is a very dangerous place. If it come, Nosey, I must eithercome in beside you, or you must come in beside me."--"Tutts!" said I,and that was my first word of courting; the first syllable that I spoketo Kell in that luckless loft. I said, "Tutts!"

  I suspected no evil intention on the part of my kind and indulgentmaster, and far less on that of Kell; indeed, how could I suspecteither? One day he said to me in the fields, "I do not know what to doabout you and that wench Kell: for both your sakes I believe I mustseparate you. She is fallen in love with you, quite over head and ears,and has been complaining to our dame of your unkindness to her. We havea great regard for the girl, and cannot part with her,--but, out ofrespect for you both, you must be separated. I will, however, trust youtogether until next week; and if she do not complain any more, you mayremain where you are; but I suppose I will be obliged to part with youthen, though against my will."

  This was a terrible stound to my heart, and shewed my master's masterlypolicy; for, notwithstanding of all my pretended aversion to the companyof women, and to that of pretty Kell in particular, I would not havebeen parted from her at that time for all the world, not even for allthe beef and bacon that was in it. I did not know well how to make upmatters with her so as to retain my place, but I thought I would try. Sothat night I sat down on my own bed-side with my clothes on, andscratched my head, and beat with my bare heel against the loft; but shehad lost all hope of gaining me to the measures agreed on between herand her master, and took no heed of me till I was obliged to speak firstmyself, when the following highly interesting dialogue passed betweenus:

  "I'm unco feared the bogle come the night, Kell."

  "So am I!"

  "I wasna sure, but I thought I heard it yestreen!"

  "I aince thought that I heard it a wee too!"

  "How does it play when it is gaun to rise?"

  "It begins a scart, scarting, like a rattan, making holes, I fancy, tocome out and take us away."

  "Aih! then it has just been it that I heard!"

  "Oh! I'se warrant it was, and that I heard too!"

  "Ay; O it's terrible! we're ill, ill set here! but I'll watch a' night,and keep it aff you, Kelly."

  With that I came and sat down on the side of her bed, to keep theinvidious scratching bogle away from her; but I soon became drowsy, andwas like to fall down. She begged me to lay down my head on her pillow,but I would not hear of that. Oh! no, no, I durst not lie down there; soI stretched me on the loft at her bed-side, and fell asleep. Awakeningbefore day, the first thing I heard was the bogle scratching. Kell hadstretched her arm below the bed, on the side opposite to me, and wasscratching slowly and fearfully; then, pretending to awake, she hidherself among the bed-clothes, muttered prayers, and cried, "Heigh-ho!"I groaned; and, stretching my hand round the corner, scratched on theother side, even more solemnly, and at more awful intervals than shehad affected; so that we lay in great tribulation till the dawning ofthe day.

  Afraid that I had still been too slightly obliging, and that I run therisk of being separated from her, I studied the whole day on the mostbecoming way of conducting myself, and entered on several most amorousresolutions; but the higher my resolves were, the more pusillanimous wasmy behaviour when put to the test. I durst not even touch the side ofher bed that night; but the wicked unsonsy bogle still continued itsscratchings, sometimes on the one side of the bed, and sometimes on theother, I was therefore obliged once more to sit down on her bed side, toguard her from its inroads. In sitting there I dropt asleep, and my headfell down on her pillow--it was impossible I could help that; and thenshe kindly laid the uppermost coverlet over me for fear of my catchingcold; but I was by far too sound asleep to perceive it. She had to pullthe covering from below me, in order that she might lay it aboveme,--for all that I did not awake, which was a great pity, but alwaysas she made the greatest stir, I sniffed the louder. A while after, Iturned myself about, and gave my head a ketch toward the back of thebed, till my cheek came in contact with something soft; but it was in mysleep,--and I was in one so so profound, that I could not possibly knowwhat that thing was. What a fright I got next morning on perceiving mysituation! I sprung from the bed, and ran away to the hills to mycharge, without speaking a word.

  I was, however, quite intoxicated with delight, and endeavoured toingratiate myself with my master, by paying every possible attention tohis behests, lest I should lose so delightful a place both for stolenmeat and approaching pleasures, which I perceived would still grow moreand more sublime, and was glad when he said to me one day that Kell hadgiven over complaining of my rudeness and incivility, and he would trustme as her companion for a little while longer. In the mean while, I wasto take care and do nothing improper; but he had such trust to put inme, he was not afraid of that.

  He was informed every day by this subservient beauty how mattersproceeded; so he let them go on by degrees till they arrived at such acrisis as he desired, which was no more than a boy lying on a girl'sbed-side with his clothes on. He then came up with a light one night atmidnight to see how his child was resting, pretending that he thoughther ill, and found me lying sound asleep, where perhaps I should nothave been, though I was as innocent and as free of his mistress as thechild that lay in her bosom. He was in great wrath, and pulled me overthe bed, giving me two or three gentle thwacks with his open hand: healso rebuked her very sharply, but said to us before going away: "Keepyour own secret. For both your sakes I will conceal what I have seen,although you have acted so _very_ improperly; but let me never catch youin the like fault again. If the church get hold of you, you are bothundone."

  I was dreadfully ashamed; and thence-forward felt my heart quitereckless and desperate, disregardful of all danger or propriety; and mymaster made me still worse by telling me that I was to part from Kell ina few days, but that he did not like to put me away just then, for fearof awakening suspicions against us, for he had a great regard for usboth! I laid all these things to heart, and could not then have staidfrom Kell's bed-side a night, if my head had been to answer for it nextday. One night we were informed that some strangers had come to thehouse and were making merry, and before we went to bed our master sentus something to eat and drink. I thought there was something going onthat night, for I heard a great deal of muttering and saying ofpaternosters till a late hour. However, I took
up my old birth, andafter a while fell sound asleep. About midnight we were awaked by fouror five gruff looking fellows, with long beards, and staves in theirhands, who ordered us both to get up and dress ourselves. Our mastermade a speech to them, lamenting our guilt, and, with tears in his eyes,beseeching their clemency toward us; but at the same time said, that hecould not suffer such immoralities under his roof: he had a family ofhis own coming up, and bad example was pernicious. Then he related whatstrict injunctions he had given us, yet we had continued to persist inour wicked unlawful courses; that, therefore, he had been obliged togive us up as lawless and irreclaimable delinquents.

  All that he could now do was to intreat theirs and the holy fathers'merciful clemency towards the youthful offenders; for that, although wehad both mocked and set at defiance the statutes of holy church, he hadhopes of our repentance and amendment: And with that he delivered usover to the officers of the church, whom he had trysted and suborned forthat purpose. They said he was a good man, but that the offenders mustneeds suffer a heavy penance, in order that they might be again renderedpure and without blame, in the eyes of their fostering and protectingparent.

  When Kell saw that she was betrayed and abandoned, her grief anddespair knew no bounds, and she would doubtless have accused her masterto his face had she been able to articulate aught distinctly,--but shefell into fits, and they hurried her away. We were confined to cells indifferent religious houses, but both in the same ward. It is well knownwhat tyranny prevails here, and what vengeance is wreaked against allthose guilty of breaches of morality, especially if those possessed ofriches or power desire it; but it is nothing to that which predominatesover the west country, where I then was. They fed me on bread and water,though I asked for fat flesh, and longed for it every hour of the day:and always when the people assembled to worship, I was put in the juggs;that is, I was chained to the kirk wall with an iron collar about myneck, and every boy brought a rotten egg, or some filth, and threw atme, till I was all over bedaubed and plastered like a rough stone wall.The men gave me a kick, and the old maids spit upon me as they passed,but the young women looked on me with pity; and the old wives, beforemy time of penance was expired, espoused my cause, and defended me fromthe rabble. I heard them saying to one another, "Poor fellow, somebodymay be the better o' him yet. What wad the mother that bore him say ifshe saw him standing in that guise? Surely she wad think the punishmentfar outwent the crime."

  One day, just when I was about to be set at liberty, I saw my kindmaster speaking to some of the holy brethren, and was glad when I sawhim, thinking I saw the face of the only man on earth that cared for me.But he came with a different intent from what I supposed, namely, withthe benevolent one of getting me hanged. He said he had missed somemoney out of his house ever since I came away; and though he should besorry indeed to find any part of it on me, for his own satisfaction herequested to search my clothes in their presence, to which I submittedwithout reluctance, being conscious of my innocence. But he that hidesknows best where to seek. It was not long before my kind master took outfrom between several of the button-holes in the breast of my grey coat,two gold moudiwarts, three silver merks, and several placks and bodles.In vain did I protest that I knew nothing about them; the brethrenpronounced me the most incorrigible wretch and vagabond that traversedthe face of the earth; and, as their jurisdiction extended not to suchcrimes as this, they sent me off with the proofs of my guilt to LordWilliam for judgment and execution. I shall never forget the figure Icut that day when brought before Lord William, and accused. I was in awretched state as to clothes, having stood so long in the juggs. I hadbeen hungered almost to death, and maltreated in every way, andaltogether looked extremely ill. He asked them to go over the chargesagainst me, when one of the brethren came forward and spoke to him asfollows:

  "My noble Lord and benefactor, a worthy gentleman within our bounds ofcensure and controul, lodged a complaint with us against two of hisservants that had been tempted by the devil to fall into lawless andsinful communication; and notwithstanding of all his admonitions andthreatenings of church discipline, they not only continued in theirmal-practices, but every day grew worse and more abandoned. He thereforeprayed us to take cognizance of the offence, which, for the sake oftheir souls, and the general benefit of our community, we undertook.Accordingly, my lord, as he suggested, we went disguised as strangers,and at midnight we found this same young gentleman lying snugly in bedbeside our friend's principal maid-servant, the very maiden to whom hehad entrusted the care of his children, one of whom lay in the bed withthem. Think of the atrocity of this my lord, and look at the man!"

  The judge did so, and could not help smiling.

  "What do you say to that master?" said he, "Is it truth?"

  "Yes," said I.

  This answer made him burst out a laughing. "Upon my word," said he,"you are a most extraordinary youth! Was the girl pretty, say you,monk?"

  "The woman was indeed very beautiful, my lord."

  "She has been blessed, however, with a singular taste. I think thestripling may almost be excused for this crime."

  The monk then related the circumstances of the stolen money having beenfound on me, at which the judge shook his head, and said, "Alak, it isall over with him. He is unfit to live. What do you say to this, sirrah?Is it true?"

  "Yes," said I.

  "True that you stole your master's money?" said he.

  "No, I never stole it, but it is true that it was there."

  "What? you found it I suppose? Tell me the truth, did not you find it?"

  "No, I never found it, nor ever saw it till it was taken out of my coatyesterday. I never had either gold or silver in my hand in my life."

  "Your woman took it and sewed it in for you, then, I suppose?"

  "I do not know who took it, or how it came there, but there it certainlywas."

  "Did you ever part with your coat to your sweetheart? Did you ever lendher it to mend, or leave it at home with her?"

  "I have often on warm weather left my coat at home for three or fourdays rinning."

  "But you declare you did not take the money?"

  "I never saw the money, nor heard of it till yesterday."

  When I said this, he looked stedfastly on me as if he had discoveredsomething he saw not before. There was no man on earth could discovertruth like Lord William. "Who is this youth's accuser?" said he. Theytold him it was sleeky Tam.

  "I have observed of late," said he, "that that gentleman never searchesthat he does not find, and never accuses that he does not bring proof. Ihave caused several to be executed on the evidences raised by him, andhave always remarked that he is the only profiter by their being putdown. We must move with more caution. Let that wench be brought beforeme, and stop the execution of Jock's Sandy, whom I ordered to be hangedto-morrow."

  My late benevolent master was watching the course of these events withpunctuality, and was terribly chagrined when he heard that his neighbourJock's Sandy was reprieved. He was almost beside himself; but, havinggreat influence with the holy brethren, he persuaded them to retain Kellunder their jurisdiction, and not give her up to Lord William. In thecourse of his scrutiny he had likewise discovered some of his goldpieces on her, and had doomed her to destruction with the rest; yet, atthe same time, he told the holy fathers to be lenient, and altogether tooverlook that fault, which had originated from the first, and that wasone to which youth was liable. He conjured them not to give her up toWilliam the Severe, who would infallibly doom her to an ignominousdeath. If she had deserved that, he said, it was much better that sheshould die privately, in which case he would pay seventy merks annuallyto the church for the securing of her soul. He was frightened for themeeting of so many criminals before Lord William, wicked as we were; andso high was the influence of the convent, of which this was a branch,that the brethren refused to give up the offender to Lord William'sofficers.

  After my first examination was over, I was thrust into a dungeon besideJock's Sandy, who had be
en cast to die for stealing the ox which Imyself slew; and, when we began to converse freely together, what atissue of deceit was unraveled! He asked me if I knew any thing aboutthat ox for which he was to lose his life! I said I knew very well aboutthe ox, for I had killed him myself: "And what a great fool you were,"said I, "to incur so much danger for the sake of a nout's hide and apair of horns, for these you certainly did steal."

  The man was perfectly amazed when I told him all the truth, and promisedto procure me as much fat flesh as I could eat every day, if I wouldtell the truth of the story to Lord William. I catched at the offer, forI had suffered so much in my stomach of late, that I would have donefar more than he required of me for such an advantage. Indeed I wouldhave done any thing, or said any thing in the world, that I might oncemore enjoy my beloved mess. He proved as good as his word, for beforenight the keeper brought me a whole apron full of bits and scraps of thefattest meat that I ever saw,--beef, mutton, and pork. There were somesquare pieces of perfect, pure white fat, that I sliced down likecheese! They were from the flanks of fat beeves, the briskets ofwedders, and the ribs of fatted hogs; and I could not but admire thewant of good taste among the gentles who had left these savoury bits totheir slaves and prisoners. I was so delighted that I could not sleep bynight, but always awakened from my straw and fell a-munching. I wish wesaw such a feast again; but, indeed I saw nothing, for our house was inutter darkness; but it was a good meat-house, and I could have beencontent to have lived in it all my life.

  In a few days I was once more carried above ground for examination,where I told the whole truth boldly, but was not believed. No one wouldgive credit to the tale, that I had slain one of my master's fattestoxen for the sake of good cheer; such a thing, they said, would nevercome into a stripling's head, and I had been suborned to my evidence bymy fellow prisoner. Lord William asked if there was any proof remainingthat I could produce in support of my assertion? I said I had a part ofthe beef remaining, well salted up in a barrel below ground, and coveredwith a moss divot; and that I had likewise some hid for fresh meat insome cold well springs, and I would shew them these if they liked. I wassent with a guard, and shewed them the remains of my ox; and when thiswas reported to Lord William, he called me a rogue and a glutton, andcaused them to tie a rope about my neck and lead me through the streetsof the town naked, lashing me with a whip all the way. He then bade memake off with myself, for if I was found within twenty miles of thatplace where I stood, he would cause me to be hewed in pieces.

  My late master was taken up, and examined face to face with those he hadaccused; but how he contrived to elude justice I never knew: ten yearsafter, one informed me that the dame Kelly had accused him before LordWilliam of having seduced her, and that in the most disgraceful way, andthen of forcing me into the situation in which I was caught, for ascreen to his own guilt and shame. For all that, it seems poor Kell wasreturned to the convent, and never more heard of, and sleeky Tampossesses both his own and his neighbour's farm at this day.

  I had begun to think that ill deeds throve best; but I now conceivedthat I had paid very dearly indeed for my late pleasures of feasting andlove, being almost flayed alive. I cried bitterly as I fled, and cursedLord William and his raggamuffians that had scourged me, and vowed tomyself, if I lived to be a man, that I would be revenged on them. Ilikewise cursed my deceitful master, but I did not curse poor Kell;indeed I found that it was for her I wept most bitterly, thinkingmyself the cause of all her shame and suffering.

  I fled next into a country called Galloway, a place which some of youmay have heard of by chance; but I found it the worst meat country, andthe worst country altogether, that I had ever seen. I lived there for anumber of years, leading a sort of vagabond life, but quite anhonourable one. I learned naturally among them to be a great thief, andan acute liar; but I never stole any thing but fat flesh, nor do Iaccount any thing else worthy of running the risk for--from that nodanger ever could, or ever shall debar me. I care not much what sort itbe, provided it be juicy, and a layer of white next the bone. I wonderwhether men's flesh is likest to beef, or mutton, or venison?

  * * * * *

  "I wish ye wadna always turn your green een on me that gate when youspeak about your fat flesh," said Gibbie. "I assure you, mine is neitherlike beef, nor mutton, nor venison; and, what is more, you shall nevertaste it. I appeal to you all, masters and friends, if this man has notfairly fallen through his tale."

  "I suppose it must be very like veal, then," continued Tam; "and if so,I have seen a joint of cold veal very excellent meat, more especiallythat adjoining the white gristly part; with a little salt, a man can eata great deal of that without being any thing the worse."

  "My masters, I do protest against these carnivorous looks of thestory-teller," rejoined Gibbie; "they make ane feel so queerly. It is asif he were tearing my flesh quick from the banes with his teeth. And Icall you to note that he has sticked a story, which, from the beginning,is no story."

  "Stay till it be done, an you please," said Tam; "the best of my tale isyet to come; and any man may be allowed a breathing space and a littlerefreshment."

  * * * * *

  At Castle-Fern I fell in with an old man called the Gorb, an itinerantfencer, who travelled the country teaching the art of the sword. To himI attached myself, somewhat against his will; for I saw that, though hewas not everywhere a welcome guest, he was nevertheless a privilegedone, and always admitted. He was six feet high, with a beard that hungto his middle, and his frame was entirely composed of bones and sinews.The feats that he described to me of warrior prowess first raised in mea desire to learn his noble art; and as soon as I began to manifest apartiality for his profession, he began to attach himself to me, but ina manner so ungracious, that if I had not been a being quite desperate,I never could have borne it. We moved on from place to place; the youngmen of the country assembled in parties, as we passed, to attend hislessons; and at night we had free-quarters wherever we went; that is,the Gorb was a free man,--but many pointed inuendos were thrown outagainst my introduction as an additional burden. These people had betterhave let the matter pass over, for he did not fail to pay them back withinterest in bitter and sarcastic retorts. On some of these occasions hegave me a terrible character of the country and its inhabitants.

  "You are come, poor man, to sojourn in the worst country under the copeof heaven," said he, "into a place where there is no faith, no honour,no money, and very little meat."

  "What do they live on in general?" said I.

  "On some wretched roots, pulse, and black corn," said he; "some leanunhealthy fish, and still more lean and sapless cattle."

  "I like the country a great deal the worse," said I. "Is the flesh hereso very lean?"

  "Why ask?" said he; "have you not witnessed it?"

  "No, I am very sorry I have not," said I. "I supposed it had been lentin this country. As for their faith or honour I care not a pin. Theirmoney is of little avail to me; but I hate to stay in a country wherethere is no meat: and how they can transact business without money isbeyond my comprehension."

  "They have none, however," said he, "nor was there ever any in thiscountry. They transact all their business on a thing called credit,which commonly attaches itself to a man for a number of years, sometimesfor a long, and sometimes a very short term. This enables him to cheathis neighbours for a time, and all his exertions tend only to this,namely, how many he can take in, and to what amount; and when he hasgone as far as this ideal quality of his can carry him, he takes to thebent, and leaves them all in the lurch. This is the exact state of thisblessed country called Galloway, and will be its state as long as itcontinues to exist. The only rational hope concerning it is, that, as itis a sort of butt-end of the creation, it will perhaps sink in theocean, and mankind will be rid of it."

  He then took a hearty fiendish laugh at the conceit of the country beingsunk, and went on.--

  "After all, I cannot help being ama
zed at the rascally crew. Do not yousee how suspicion and distrust are stamped on every countenance? Everyman makes a bargain with apparent reluctance, and with a dread that hisneighbour is going to cheat him; and he is never mistaken. Such is thecountry, and such are the people to whom you have now come, and suchmust they ever continue to remain. It is in their nature to be so, andthey cannot be otherwise. Here am I, their master and benefactor, whohave spent my life in teaching them the noblest of all sciences, withoutwhich they could not have defended their country. I have taught everychief in the country, and every one of their vassals, and how am Irequited? Ill-clothed, worse fed, and not a bodle in my purse. All myrecompense is the freedom of living a life of fatigue and wretchedness."

  "I will not stay another night in the country of such a parcel ofrogues," said I.

  "You are wrong," answered he: "It is the best country you can be in. Youhave nothing to lose, and you may gain much. Experience is a man'sgreatest riches; and of that you will gain abundance. You will herelearn hourly how to oppose cunning to cunning; and I will teach you thenoble art of opposing masterly skill to brutal force, until you mayhaply be established as my assistant and successor."

  "I would rather dispense with the honour," said I: "You are too lean forme to think of being your successor. Were you a fat full-fed man, Iwould not say what I might do to attain the distinction; but I have madeup my mind to one thing, which is, always to have my meat, honestly if Ican, but at all events to have it."

  "You are so far right in your principle," said he: "For when we considerof it, a man can have very little more than his meat in this world, forall the struggling and strife there is in it. But since you set so higha value on good living, I can, if I please, assist you to it; for, poorand wretched as I appear, and as I am, I have a right to call for andcommand the best in every house. I could likewise take their clothes,for money they have none; but it would be like tearing the hearts out ofthe dogs,--so I content myself with the meanest fare, rather than humblemyself to ask ought of them."

  "You are an extraordinary man," said I: "But when I look at you, Icannot conceive this privilege of yours to exist in aught but intheory."

  "You shall see," said he. "What sort of meat would you prefer?"

  "Fat flesh at all times and all seasons," said I: "There is nothing likethat. Whether it be the flesh of bullock, hog, or wedder, the fattest isalways the best."

  "What a kite! What a raven! What a dog!" exclaimed he: "Well, you shallhave it, if it were but to kill you of a surfeit."

  We were lying in a barn when this discourse occurred, and I could notbut wonder what the old fellow would do. It was customary for us to takeour breakfast at the place where we lodged, and if I might judge fromour supper, the place where we then were gave no prospect of very richfare.

  The breakfast was produced; a quantity of black brochen and lentiles.The master of defence wist not how to break the ice by introducing arefusal of the proffered meal! but he considered himself as pledgedto me, and his haughty spirit would not succumb. His looks wereparticularly embarrassed and amusing, and I saw that he would gladlyhave been free of his engagement, as he began a long palaver of generalremarks. I kept up my good hopes, and gave him always an expecting looknow and then, to make him hold to his resolution. The people of thehouse paid little attention to his harangue, till at length he concludedwith these words:

  "Such being the case, and such the state of the country, I am obligednow to claim all my rights, privileges, and dues from every vassal of mylord of Galloway, as well as from every subject of our liege lord theking, whose commission I bear. Goodman Latchie, I accept no more ofblack croudy and lentiles for breakfast: I claim, order, and command thebest that is in this house. In place of that hog's meat, let us have arasher on the coals, if you so please."

  "The muckle fiend be atween your teeth, then, to choak you wi' the firstbite!" said the goodwife.

  "Farmer Latchie, I contend not with women," said the man of the sword:"Are you aware of my rights, or do you know and dispute them?"

  "I consider yours as merely a nominal right," said he, "which no man isbound to fulfil, because no man does it. All my lord's vassals treat youwith common fare. Why should I do more?"

  With that a raw-boned young man stepped forward, with a black beard anda ruffian look. He was the farmer's eldest son, and his name was John.

  "What is all this din about," said he: "Let me speak, will ye, MasterGorb? Either take that which is set before you, or go away without it. Isay that."

  "You say that? Do you, sir?" said my master.

  "Yes; sure I do," said he: "I says that, and I'll say it again too, tobe sure I will."

  "Then there is my gage, sir. Do you know to what you have subjectedyourself?" said my master, pulling out his sword, and laying it on theboard: "You have given the king's ordained swordsman the denial; youmust fight him, or find one on the instant to do it for you. If he killsyou, he is entitled to take off your head and send it to the king; andif you kill him, you lose your head, and all the goods and chattels ofyour house are to be confiscate. Rescue or no rescue? Draw, craven! oryield me up the keys of your pantry, your chest, and your sunken cellar,you dog."

  "I does nae see the sense o' that, Master Gorb," said John, with acountenance right sorely altered: "that a man maunna say his awn's hisawn, or what's his father's is his father's, but that he maun tak upsword and swordsman. I does nae fear thee. It's no to say that I fearsthee; but I winna be bullied intil aught; and I just tells thee, thatI'll neither fight thee nor suffer thee to get a scrap o' aught betterthan is set afore thee; and gang and seek thy mends. Now I says that."

  "Thou art a craven and a nincompoop," said my master, with the highestindignation; "and I lift my pledge, and will report thee to thybetters."

  "Do if thou mayest," cried old Latchie, running to an armour chest, andtaking from thence a sword and buckler. "Disgrace of my house! To givethe challenge, and then to flinch. Have with thee, Bellwether! I willgive you to know, that old masons are the best barrowmen."

  "I ground my pledge again, and I take thee," said my master. But now theold woman came running between them, crying out, "Deil be i' your teeth!deil be i' your teeth! Tak a' that's i' the house an' haud you wi't:there are the keys; there are the keys! deil be i' your teeth, takea'--and let us alane o' your din." The Gorb waved the keys aside withhis arm in high indignation; but the wife clung to her point. "I takeyou a' witnesses," cried she, "I take you a' witnesses, I have offeredhim the keys, and he has refused them. Here, young Gorb; younghing-by-the-gut, take ye them, take ye them. Deil be i' your teeth, takea' that's i' the house."

  I took the keys lest they should be forgot in the hurry; the two oldfellows took to the field with sword and buckler, while both the olddame and her son John strove to interfere; but the old yeoman silencedthem both with a word, and I thought he would have struck his son downwith the sword, so much was he enraged at his behaviour.

  I had seen much sword play by this time in the way of amusement, orlesson-taking; but I had never seen two men meet in deadly foil, and Itrembled for the event; for I judged, that if the old Gorb was killed,it would fare hardly with me, being conscious that I was the movingcause of the combat. My master's demeanour was altogether inimitable. Hewent through every thing as if it had been a matter of mere ceremony,first slipping gracefully to one side, crossing his hands on his breast,bowing profoundly, and then shaking hands with Latchie: then swimminggracefully to the other side, and repeating the same manoeuvre. Last ofall, he wheeled about, cut some wild flourishes with his sword, and tookhis distance. The yeoman bit his lip, and appeared to be viewing allthese things with disdain; but he set himself firm on his legs with hisleft foot foremost, and setting up his broad bonnet before, waited theonset. The Gorb on the contrary advanced with his right foot foremost;and, instead of availing himself of the buckler as the former did, hecame forward bearing it up behind him as high as his head. He seemed towear it merely because the other did, but he was too proud
to make anyuse of it. Nothing ever did, or ever will exceed the singularity of thatcombat: the figures of the men, and their manner of fighting, being sodifferent. Latchie was short and squat, the Gorb somewhat like theskeleton of a giant. The art of fighting which the former pursued was toshield himself behind his broad buckler, peep over it, and now and thenmake dreadful blows around it with the full swing of his body, as if hemeant to cut my master through the middle, or shear off both his thighs.On such occasions the Gorb, beside parrying the stroke, made suchtremendous springs off at a side, that he rather appeared like a spiritthan any thing of bones, sinews, and blood, for as to flesh there wasnone on him; and at every one of these leaps he uttered a loud "Hoh!" asif he had been mortally wounded, or in great danger of having been so;yet all the while his face was so sublimely grave and serious as ifevery movement were to have been his last. He never attempted to hit theyeoman, and had apparently no other aim in fighting, than merely to showhis dexterity in fencing, retreating, and advancing. I deemed that allwas over with him, and began to be mortally afraid of myself; and anyman would have acknowledged what good reason I had, if he had witnessedwith what looks the wife and son regarded me. Every one of them thoughtthe Gorb had the worst of it, and that the farmer was sure of the day.Indeed by this time there was little doubt of it. The old wife thriceclapped her hands, and screamed out, "Weel proven, goodman! that garshim scamper? Weel proven, Daniel Maclatchie! Lie to the breastleather."At these words I began to look over my shoulder, and meditate a moststrenuous flight. But now the most novel scene of all occurred: mymaster still continued to change his ground, and to skip and fly about,until at length the yeoman, encouraged by his wife's words, came hardupon him, and, heaving up his shield a little, he came with a deadlystroke round below it, ettling to cut off both my master's legs. "Hoh!"cried the Gorb, as loud as he could vociferate; and as the little squatyeoman stooped to the stroke, he made such a spring into the air that heleaped fairly over his head; and as he passed like a meteor over abovehim, he gave him such a slap with the broad side of his sword on thehind cants of the head, that it made the farmer run forward and fallwith his nose on the ground. He was again on his feet, however, in aninstant, and faced about, while his eyes streamed with water from thesharpness of the stroke. This feat astonished the Latchies; but the wifecried out, "A barley! a barley! foul play!--he's fighting on springs."

  "Emblem true of thy accursed country!" cried the Gorb, and kicking offhis sandals at her head, he took his ground on his bare soles. Thecombatants set to it again; but the yeoman was now on his guard, andfought shy, standing on the defensive. My master soon grew tired of thisway of fighting; and, after two or three flying feints at an attack, ina moment he wrenched Latchie's sword from his grasp, and threw it intothe air like a sling-stone. The lookers on gazed in amazement,--and theastonished yeoman traced the course of his erratic weapon, which, afterforming an arch like a rainbow, lighted at the distance of forty yards.John, the farmer's son, was the first who ventured a remark on thephenomenon, which he did with his accustomed shrewdness, and in theCumberland brogue, which he had learned by living some years in thatdistrict.

  "Feyther, I thinks thou hast thrown away thee swoard."

  "Ay," said his father, biting his lip, and looking after it.

  By this time the Gorb had his sword at Latchie's throat, crying,"Rescue, or no rescue, I say? Yield, traitor, or die."

  Latchie paid no regard to him. He only bit his lip, looked after hissword, and stood his ground firm without moving, showing a mostunyielding and dauntless spirit.

  The Gorb repeated his threat, but the yeoman paid no further attentionto it than before.

  "What an unlucky accident!" said he. "Had I not thrown away my sword, Iwould have humbled you."

  "Do you regret the loss of your sword so much?" said the Gorb. "Will youpromise, on the honour of a good yeoman, not to throw it away in likemanner again?"

  "Promise?" said the other: "I will swear on it, and by it, never to partwith it in like manner again."

  "Young man," said my master to me, "run and bring me this brave yeoman'ssword."

  I brought it, and he took it by the point, and delivered it back to theowner with all manner of courtesy. Latchie took it in his hand, and letthe point of it slant towards the ground in token of submission.

  "Nay, nay, I deliver it," cried my master. "I would not see such a manshow fear or pusillanimity for any thing. Exchange me three times three,and no more; and God stand by the right. I counsel thee, moreover, toassume thy best defence, as I propose to do thee all manner of injury."

  "So be it. I defy you still," said Latchie, and took his ground a secondtime. His wife and son spoke a great deal by way of interference, butwere totally disregarded. The combat began again with more fury thanever; but at the second or third time of crossing their weapons, DanielMaclatchie's sword betook itself again into the firmament, and aftertracing nearly the same course as formerly, alighted on the same spot.

  "You are the devil and none else," said Latchie, "and I yield to myconqueror. I am at your disposal."

  "And I will use my advantage, as in duty and in honour bound," said theGorb: "Rise up my friend and brother; you are a man of true genuinespirit. I honour you, and I estimate your country more this morning, foryour sake, than I have hitherto done. I claim your friendship as abrother in arms. You shall not have cause to repent this spiritedencounter."

  The farmer was greatly flattered by this speech. I gave up the keys; andthere was no end of kindness and endearment between the two old fellows.We had our rasher on the coals; and I think I have scarcely risen from abetter diet than I did that day. I got the greater part to myself, forthe rest were all so busy talking and drinking cold ale, that theyhardly thought of the bacon. It was nicely toasted, and the fat stood onit like small drops of honey. But I must not dwell on the recollectionelse I shall faint.

  At our meal the yeoman offered my master a new war cloak, with belts,bands, and haversack, if he would tell him by what means he disarmed himwith such ease, and in so extraordinary a manner; but the otherabsolutely refused.

  "It is allowable in chivalry," said he, "to learn and practice any modeof manual defence, and to keep that mode a secret till you prove it onyour opponent. That is my secret, and by that mode I would forfeit mylife, nay my character itself, to disarm any man that ever pointed atwo-edged sword at my breast."

  * * * * *

  "I should have liked very much to have known that secret of his," saidCharlie Scott.

  * * * * *

  I found it out privately with the most perfect certainty, continued Tam;but durst never let him know that I understood aught of the matter. Itwas owing to his sword's handle, which was made for the purpose. It hadan inner shell of steel polished like glass; then an outer one ofbasket-work, formed with rounded bars in such a manner that, by turninghis hand in a slight degree to humour the position of the opponent'ssword, and dashing his hilt against the point of it, that enteredbetween those of the cross-bars, and, running up the polished steelwithin, bent and fixed itself; then by a sudden wrench against hisopponent's thumb, of which he was a perfect master, he not only disarmedhim to a certainty, but generally left his arm powerless. After I haddiscovered it, I went by myself to try the experiment, fixed my ownsword, and taking my master's in my hand, I pushed the basket of thatslightly against the point of the other, and behold it fixed in it soclose, that with all my might, and all my art, I could not extricate itwithout breaking it in two, and, in that case, I saw I would leave thepoint sticking where it was, which I durst not do for my life. At lengthit came into my head to do as my master did. This had the effect atonce; the vibration in the blade caused by the swing and jerk, made itloosen, and it flew away through the air like a fiery dragon.

  * * * * *

  "Master Michael Scott," said Gibbie, "and my friends, I again appeal toyou all if this man has not fallen through his tale
. It is turning outno tale at all, but merely an offputting of time, till we shall allperish of hunger."

  "The story of the hapless maiden Kell, and of our hero's first essays inlove, I did admire and prize," said the poet.

  "Od help your crazed head," said Charlie: "I wadna gie that duel atweenthe twa auld chaps for a creelfu' o' love stories."

  "Lo, the tale is good," said the friar; "but it goeth here and there,without bound or limit; and wherefore should not a man relate all thatbefalleth unto him. I suppose it behoveth our friend to go on, withoutturning aside to the right hand or to the left.

  "My tale is indeed long, but to me it is momentous. I should stop herepleasantly; but life is sweet,--and, to give me a fair chance for mine,I beg to be permitted to relate one adventure more." This, after somedemur, was granted, and Tam went on:

  * * * * *

  After spending several years among the hills of Galloway, and beingapproved of by the Gorb (as he was called by every body, though hisname was Macdougald) for a good swordsman, I tired of the country, beingpersuaded that the ground did not fatten the cattle properly; and fromthe moment I began to suspect that, I had no more satisfaction in theplace, but utterly despised it. I perceived that their beef was neverabove an inch thick in the ribs, and what was worse, it was not properlymixed with white layers of fat; even the doubles in the broad bone ofthe shoulder were nothing but pure red lire. This will never do, thoughtI. How I despise the people that can put up with such a country as this!

  "Master," says I, one day, "I am quite tired of this country, and amgoing to leave it."

  "Wherefore are you going to leave it, Thomas? Have not I been better andkinder to you than to myself?"

  "For all that, master, I am resolved not to sojourn another week in it."

  "I warned you that they were a deceitful people before," said he; "butwe must take them as they are. We cannot make mankind as we would wishto have them."

  "It is not for the men, nor for the women either, that I dislike thecountry so much," said I.

  "What is it then for?" said he.

  "It is," said I, "because I suspect that their grass is not of a goodquality."

  I will never forget the look that the Gorb turned on me. He was walkingsomewhat before me, but when he heard my reason for disliking Gallowayhe wheeled about, and, taking one of his most striking uprightpositions, with his lean shoulders set up like two pins, he stared at mewith his mouth wide open; and then put the following questions to me atlong intervals.

  "Grass! eh! How do you mean?"

  "Look at it," said I; "What substance is in that wiry stuff, and onthese hills of black heather!"

  The Gorb's jaws fell down with dismay. He visibly thought that I wasderanged, but he answered me mildly to humour my malady.

  "True, the grass is not good; it never was, and never will be so. But Ihave not observed that you ever eat much of it; nor can I see how aman's happiness any way depends upon the quality of the grass of acountry."

  "If that be all the sense that you have," thought I, "I will disdain formy part to exchange another word with you on the subject. Since youthink that a man's happiness can depend on _any thing else_ but goodgrass, you shall be followed no longer by me."

  "Well," continued he, after waiting a while for an answer, "I see youare sulky about this whim, but I will humour it. I have nearly finishedmy terms among the mountains, and we shall descend upon the shores,where there is as good grass as any in Scotland, and I promise you fullliberty to go into every field that you chuse, and take your bellyful ofit. I have likewise many things to teach you, which will amuse you inthe highest degree, and which belong to the sublime art of legerdemain."

  "What is that?" said I.

  "It is the art," said he "that enables us to see things and people asthey really are. There is scarcely any thing on this earth really whatit appears to be; and this art I have yet to teach you."

  From that day forward he began and performed feats that entirelybewildered my senses, but which furnished, wherever we were, a greatfund of amusement; all the young people believed him to be in compactwith the devil. I have forgot them all but one, which I will remember aslong as I live.

  We came to a wealthy yeoman's house on the river Urr, where we were toremain several days; and while he exercised the farmer's sons infencing, I kept the young peasants in exercise--and then in the hall inthe evenings he went on with his cantrips. There was a deliciousshoulder of bacon hanging up on the farmer's brace, among many meanerhams and pieces of wretched dried flesh. I believe I had fixed my eyeson it, and perhaps my heart a little too. Whether the Gorb noticed thisand dreaded the consequences or not, I cannot tell, but he began aspeech about things not being what they appeared to be, and offered togive us a striking instance."

  "Take down the choicest and best ham among all these above the fire,"said he. I did so, taking down the shoulder of bacon with greatalacrity.

  "Take down the worst," said he. I did so; it was one of venison driedlike a crooked stick.

  "Which do you account the best?" said he. I told him. "Well, you aremistaken," said he; "and I'll convince you of it. Roll them both neatlyup in straw, or as you will."

  I did so.

  "Now, do you know the one from the other?"

  "Yes."

  "Very well: heave them up again that you may not be mistaken in theweight. Now, cross your hands, and heave them with different hands.Quite sensible they are the same?"

  "Quite sensible."

  "Very well. Take them aside by yourself and look at them. You will nowsee them as they really are, not as they appeared to your eyes."

  I hastened and opened out the shoulder of bacon. It was nothing butthree dried bones, hanging together by tendons, and stuffed up into theshape of an overgrown shoulder of bacon with brawn, which was coveredround with a piece of a sow's hide. I shed some tears at this blightingdiscovery; for though the bacon was not mine, I felt in my heart that Idid not know how matters were to come about. I hung the two hams up asthey were, and was cured of my itching eye; but no man can tell howthings will come round to the advantage of an acute and clever fellow.

  While we were at that house, the country was raised to follow the Lordof Galloway into Cumberland. It was a great rising, the utmost quotabeing demanded of every yeoman in the country, in terms of hisvillanage. Our landlord got a charge to find five, whereas he had noneto send save three, unless he and his eldest son both went, which wouldhave been grievously against him at that time; so he applied to mymaster and me to go on his behoof, offering large conditions, which weresoon accepted. The principal, if not the sole thing that induced me togo out on that raide, was the stipulation that I was to have my choiceof all the meat in the house, to the amount of what I could convenientlycarry on my back in a march. After a great deal of choosing, I fixed ona small beef-ham, because it was solid, and no bones in it, and blest mymaster's ingenuity that had let me into the secret of the deceitfulshoulder of bacon. The next that came after me was a blade of endlessfrolic and humour, named Harestanes. He instantly snapped at thebacon-ham, and popped it into his goatskin wallet, nodding his head, andtwisting his mouth at me, as much as if he had said, "What a taste youhave! I am glad you had not the sense to take this." I could easily haveprevented him, by revealing the secret; but he had always been tryingto make a fool of me, therefore I could scarcely contain my mirth athis mistake, and resolved to enjoy his disappointment in full. He was asprightly handsome youth, and had such a forward and impertinent mannerthat he contrived to make friends in every family that we passed by,particularly with the women, so that he lacked nothing that he desired;and tho' I watched him night and day for fear of losing the sport, henever took out his bacon to break it up till the fourth day after ourdeparture. My beef-ham was by that time more than half done. It was amost wretched piece of meat, being as hard as wood, and bitter as gall;but I was still comforted with this, that it was so much better than mycomrade's.

  It wa
s about eight o'clock on a morning, on the English side of theBorder, that Harestanes first loosed out his wallet to make a breakfastof his bacon; and he being very hungry, I sat down beside him to enjoythe sport, taking out my black beef likewise. All that I could do Icould not retain my gravity while he was loosening the cords, and takingthe straw from about his ham, which made him look wistfully at me, andask what the fool meant? But when I saw him look seriously and greedilyat it, and then take out his knife to cut off a great slice, I lost allpower, and fell on the ground in a convulsion of laughter, while myvoice went away to a perfect wheezle. He could not comprehend me in theleast degree, and actually began to cut! yes, he actually began to cutthrough the bristly skin, while I lay spurring the ground, and screamingwith anticipation of the grand joke that was to ensue. Before I couldrecover my sight from amid the tears of extravagant mirth, the scene waschanged; and I shall never forget the position in which the puppy sat,when my eyes cleared. No, it is impossible I ever can forget it!Conceive a wicked impertinent frolicksome whelp of a tailor, for he wasnothing better, who had been with Sir Robert Graham's maids all thenight, and was so hungry that you might almost have cast a knot on him,sit down to take a hearty luncheon of his bacon ham; and then conceivehis looks when he found he had nothing but rubbish and dry bones. Ifyou conceive these, you will conceive the very scene that I saw, atleast that I conceived and saw in my mind's eye. How could I but laugh?No! It was impossible I could abstain from laughter;--but yet, for allthat, things turned out quite the reverse. He had actually sliced off arasher of bacon, the fattest, the whitest, and the most beautiful rasherof bacon ever I had seen in my life! There were three distinct layers oflire and fat, curving alternately through it like quarter moons. No manever beheld such a sight! He sliced out another piece, which was stillmore perfectly beautiful than the preceding one. My eyes darkened. I hadseen enough to shew me the enormity of my folly, and my irreparableloss! He roasted his rashers on the fire. The fat fried out of them, andflamed among the embers; and when he laid them on his bread, they soakedit all with pure liquid fat. And there was I sitting beside him, gnawingat my piece of infernal beef, the sinewy hip of some hateful Gallowaystott that had died of the blackleg, and, having been unfit for oughtelse, had been dried till the hateful substance was out of it. Yet I hadmy choice of both, and took this. I shall never wish any friend of mineto suffer such pangs as I did that morning; for all that I had sufferedin my dangers and disappointments was nothing to them. I would fain haveslain the Gorb privately; but not daring to do that, I resolved never tosee his face again, after the vile trick he had played. All my hopes andall my enjoyments of the foray being now ended, I resolved on taking mydeparture, and that by the time my enemy had the first slice of baconeaten.

  We had orders to halt all that day, for the Johnstons and the Jardineswere a day's march before us. Their advanced columns had fallen back;and as the troops were sleeping or straggling about, I prepared for mydeparture. My comrade having been with the knight's women all the night,a set of creatures madder than himself, he was quite worn out; and assoon as he got his inside lined with the salutary beverage, he fellfast asleep. An inward light now began to dawn on my heart, brighterthan the sun at noon day, and lighting my steps forward to futurefelicity. My breath cut short with ecstatic delight, and my kneestrembled as I formed the resolution of changing hams with my hopefulcomrade. His wallet was lying open--not so the tailor's eyes: I mighthave exchanged coats, and shoes too, for him. The great work was done inan instant. I whipped out his shoulder of bacon, and put my piece ofblack timber in its place. "Take you that, honest man," said I tomyself: "Time about is fair play. I have given you something that willexercise your jaws for a while."

  When I found that I had this most delicious of all morsels on my back, Iwas so light that I scarcely felt my feet touch the ground; and therebeing no time now to lose, I made straight away into England, for Idurst not turn towards Scotland, the sentinels being so very thick onthat quarter. Our advanced guard was composed of the Gordons from theKen,--a set of desperate raggamuffins whom I durst not have gone amonghad it not been fair forenoon. I had my wallet on my back and my swordby my side; and when I saw any of them eying me, I went up to them andasked how far the Johnstons were before us?

  "What the devil was I wanting with the Johnstons?"

  "O, I was afraid there might be a battle fought before I saw it, which Iwould not should happen for any thing in the world."

  "Hear to the coulter-nibbit piper," said one.

  "He is as like supping a pint o' fat brose as killing an Englishman,"said another.

  "I wadna trust him wi' ought beyond a litter o' English pigs," said athird.

  "Let him gang forrit, and fiend that he get his chafts clawn the firstsword that's drawn! I wadna that his name were Gordon for a hundercivis."

  Accordingly I got liberty to pass; but as soon as I got out of sight, Iturned to the left, and escaped to the moors of Bewcastle. I had nowfound out the invaluable art of flint and frizzle, and could kindle afire whenever I pleased. So I sought out a lonely wild dell, andlighting a fire of birns and strong heather, roasted two slashing slicesof my shoulder of bacon. I also took a good shave of bread from myfriend the tailor's hearth-bannock; but after all I could notthink of adulterating the savoury delicious fare by any unnaturalintermixture,--so I ate up the dry bread by itself, and then smacked upthe bacon afterwards. I cannot describe my sensations of delight, notonly in my meal, but in contemplating the beauty of the object. I satlong feasting my eyes on the beauty of the slices before I committedthem to the coals. They were curved so beautifully in semi-circles, thefat and the lire time about, that, unless for such an object, the term_beauty_ would have no meaning. They lay alternately, as if it were thisway, and this way, and this way.

  * * * * *

  "I protest against your drawing of your pictures on my shoulder," criedGibbie; "and also against the party being any longer mocked with suchfulsome trash in place of a story. Do you not perceive, Sir Master, anddo you not all perceive, that he is havering and speaking without end oraim? He is sensible that he has failed in his story; and that a dismalfate awaits him, and all that he is now intent on is driving of time."

  "I confess that I am sick of the bacon and other fat things," saidCharlie.

  "My soul disdains the abject theme," said the poet: "Its tantalizingsight is like the marshfire's vacant gleam to the bewildered wight. 'Tisthrowing meat to hungry souls, with fainting sore opprest; or drink untothe parched lips, whereof they may not taste."

  "Let us show some spirit, wretched as we are," said Gibbie, "and protestwith one assent against being farther sickened, as well as mocked bysuch loathsome stuff."

  This is unfair, and using undue influence," cried Tam. "None of you werethus interrupted, but got time to finish your stories as you liked. Mineis not done; the best part of it is yet to come, and I say it isunfair. Great Master, you sit as judge; I appeal to you. My life hasbeen varied. Let them chuse what sort of a theme they want, and I willfit them, only suffer me to relate one other exploit."

  The Master, on whom hunger seemed to make no impression, thought therequest was reasonable; but in making choice, every one of them, youngand old, pitched on a different subject, so that Tam could not getproceeded; neither can this chapter, as an extraordinary incident befel,which naturally brings it to an end.

  END OF VOL. II.

  * * * * *

  Transcriber's Notes

  This text is a reproduction of the 1822 edition. It includes manydialect and archaic words and spellings, as well as many typographicalerrors and inconsistencies which have not been changed.

  Chapters are inconsistently headed "CHAPTER" or "CHAP."

  Inconsistently spelled words include:

  Corby and Corbie

  Gibby and Gibbie

  collie and colley

  chace and chase

  inclosed and enclosed

  raggam
uffians, raggamuffins, and ragamuffin

  spier and speer

  camstairy and camstary

  The text includes many examples of inconsistent hyphenation. Thefollowing are inconsistently hyphenated or printed as two words:

  bacon ham and bacon-ham

  bed side and bed-side

  dare say and dare-say (the latter was hyphenated over a line break)

  day light and day-light

  hind legs and hind-legs

  look out and look-out

  pike staff and pike-staff

  Tersit moor and Tersit-moor

  well springs and well-springs

  The following are inconsistently hyphenated or printed as one word:

  goatskin and goat-skin

  gunpowder and gun-powder

  outdone and out-done

  staircase and stair-case (one occurrence of the latter hyphenated over a line break)

  weatherbeaten and weather-beaten

  The following are inconsistently printed as one or two words:

  has na and hasna

  liege man and liegeman

  maybe be, maybe, and may-be (some hyphenated over line breaks)

  mean time and meantime

  mean while and meanwhile

  some body and somebody

  The text contains the following apparent errors:

  p. 10 mis-spelling "ignominous"

  p. 27 missing space ("the shapes o'men?")

  p. 55 missing full stop ("behold he was wanting")

  p. 59 missing quotation mark ("till I speak t'ye, said")

  p. 104 mis-spelling "cutfing"

  p. 113 missing comma "Come away/Elfin grey,")

  p. 121 mis-spelling "quite" ("all was quite and gloomy")

  p. 124 comma instead of full stop ("the whole party in its consequences,")

  p. 137 comma instead of full stop ("exclamatory sound, Charlie had")

  p. 172 "22" instead of "21" ("22. So I borrowed me")

  p. 179 "she" instead of "he" ("21. And she said, Blessed")

  p. 188 missing space ("or a good shareo' ilka")

  p. 197 missing quotation mark ("afore I gi'e my gully")

  p. 212 comma instead of full stop ("thorns above them, "Now!"")

  p. 226 duplicate word ("all mankind it must must shock;")

  p. 229 extra quotation mark ("ane o' the best."")

  p. 229 duplicate word ("how to take care care o'")

  p. 261 mis-spelling "ty'e"

  p. 261 missing quotation mark ("sae ye may, my man!")

  p. 289 mis-spelling "espepecially"

  p. 300 duplicate word ("I was in one so so profound,")

  p. 337 missing quotation mark (" to the right hand or to the left.")

  p. 341 missing comma ("said he "that enables")

  p. 342 extra quotation mark ("give us a striking instance."")

  p. 352 missing quotation mark ("This is unfair, and")