Uber Bossy: A Small Town Romantic Comedy (Jobs From Hell Book 2)

by Marika Ray

  The elderly devil fought me, refusing to let me take the box from her.

  “Step aside, young man.” She panted and then continued. “I hand deliver. Every. Single. Box.”

  “Poppy, you really don’t need to—” Nora tried to jump in.

  Now there were three of us in a tug-of-war game none of us would win.

  Poppy darted her gaze between the two of us and then some kind of fire and brimstone took up residence in her eyes and she let out a war cry that made my balls shrink back up inside for safety. She pushed like the devil had her back.

  We all tumbled through the doorway as the box came away from the doorjamb. Nora almost broke an ankle in her heels, landing on her butt on the floor. Before I could ask if she was okay, a loud pop echoed in the empty room and suddenly the box got a whole lot lighter.

  The next few seconds slowed down like some kind of Matrix movie gone wrong.

  Nora looked up at me with her mouth wide-open. Then her hands went up to cover her face, fending off the avalanche of flesh-colored dildos that rained down from the bottom of the huge box. Nothing can keep a good dick down, not even shipping tape on the bottom of a cardboard box.

  I let go of what was left of the box, leaving Poppy standing there perplexed, her gaze locked on the pyramid of penises covering my girlfriend.

  “Oh shit.” I squatted down to dig Nora out of the pile.

  “Oh my,” came Poppy’s reply.

  She reached down too, I was assuming to help Nora, but her hand veered at the last second and gripped a dildo of the twelve-inch variety, lifelike veins included. While I grabbed Nora’s hand and pulled her off the ground, I saw with my own two eyes Poppy shoving that dildo into the bib thing all mail carriers wore with all the pockets.

  “Um…”

  Nora brushed herself off, her cheeks flaming red. Satisfied she was okay, I folded my arms across my chest and lifted an eyebrow at Poppy. She pasted an innocent smile on her face and spun toward the door like she was leaving in a hurry.

  “Did you forget something, Poppy?” I asked, letting my tone speak for me.

  She froze, one foot out the door, the other still on my property. She heaved a great sigh and spun around.

  “Not sure what you mean, Mr. Sutter.” She lifted her nose in the air.

  Nora sputtered next to me. The dildo was so long, the entire bulbous head stuck out of her pocket, like a silicone arrow pointing up to the thief.

  “You, um, have a, uh…” Nora cleared her throat and stood up tall. “You have a dildo in your pocket, Poppy.”

  Poppy’s head tipped down in slow motion and then the woman jumped in an Oscar-worthy performance as if she just saw the damn thing for the first time.

  “Oh my. How did that get there?” She giggled as she lifted it out of her pocket, her gaze turning wistful as Nora took it from her outstretched hand.

  I shuddered, gaining more insight into Poppy’s personal preferences than I had any reason to want. Nora threw the dildo onto the pile and smiled as if her life depended on it.

  Poppy’s head spun left and right. Now that the dildo was confiscated, she seemed to remember her primary reason for existence was to gather intel.

  “What did you say this place was again?”

  “We didn’t say,” I told her, not so friendly-like.

  Nora backhanded my folded arms and stepped forward to handle things.

  “This here is The Hardware Store. We’re not quite open for business yet.”

  Poppy harrumphed. “I should hope not. You have a pile of dildos next to your front desk!”

  “Be that as it may, we’ll be open soon and rest assured, you can leave all deliveries on the doorstep.”

  Poppy’s head shook so vigorously, I thought her dentures might slide right out and make a run for it. “No can do, hon. I work for the United States Postal Service and as such, I deliver mail right to the recipient’s hands. That doorstep business is for the shitty men in brown, if you catch my drift.”

  Nora tilted her head diplomatically. “I do. And I thank you for your excellent service.”

  Poppy bowed, swear to God, her hip popping and cracking as she went. Then she was out the door and on to her next victim.

  Nora spun to face me. “This is hella bad.”

  I frowned. “We’ll just find another box and get this cleaned up in no time.”

  Nora shook her head. “No. There is no cleaning up a mess of this nature when Poppy’s there front and center. I bet you a hundred dollars she’s already spreading rumors about us and this business of ours.”

  I smirked. That was silly.

  I was sure she was doing no such thing.

  17

  Jayden

  I came back to the hotel after leaving Nora with a final kiss and swinging by to pick up Red from the babysitter’s house. I really needed to find a permanent nanny. Not full-time as I planned to leave most of the day-to-day operation to Nora, but someone I could count on to watch Red. Someone who loved him almost as much as I did. As soon as I had the keys to my house, my first task would be to find a permanent nanny to start creating some normalcy for Red.

  I found myself whistling as I let ourselves into my room, dropping the keys on the entry table and swinging Red through the air just to hear him giggle. Things were looking up. For once, I felt like my life was firing on all cylinders: business, friends, and love life. Maybe moving to Auburn Hill really had been a genius idea.

  The ringtone for “Dragula,” the song by Rob Zombie, blared from the cell phone in my pocket. A feeling of dread stole over me and I put Red down gently on the king-sized bed. It was Mom calling, which only meant I was in for the type of conversation I could do without on such a great day.

  “Hello, Mother,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I would a run-in with Jen, the backstabbing company stealer.

  “Darling,” she simpered. “It’s so lovely to hear your voice. It’s been ages.”

  Yeah, that’s on purpose. “How are things?” I kicked off my shoes and flopped on the bed beside Red.

  “Oh, just fine. The club got a new tennis instructor and he’s not very nice.”

  Code for “he won’t sleep with me.” If there was ever a cliché of an older, wealthy, spoiled woman, my mom was it.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. What can I help you with?” The indifference I felt toward her began to seep into my tone and if I didn’t watch it, she’d start in on the victim song and dance she did when she felt like I didn’t adequately fawn over her.

  “Well, it’s been way too long since I’ve seen you. I’d like to come this weekend for a visit. Same little town your brother’s in now, right? I could see you both in one trip, save myself some time.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad Bain and I moved to the same town to keep things convenient for you, but as it stands, now’s not a good time for me. I’m getting this business up and running and I haven’t even moved into a house yet. Maybe a visit some other time.”

  Red patted my cheek with a sticky hand and leaned down to kiss my chin, missing and bashing me with his heavier-than-lead head. I grimaced and chuckled silently at the same time. Parenting was a weird mix of emotions.

  “I really think this weekend would be best, Jayden.” Mom’s voice was getting higher. Not a good sign.

  “Why are you so insistent on this weekend? What’s going on there? And why wouldn’t Dad be coming too?”

  Mom’s voice lowered to a loud whisper, like she was covering the phone with her hand. “The bastard’s going on a trip with his new manager. A female manager, I might add.” Then she shifted tactics, sounding like she might burst into tears at any minute. “I really need to get away from it all, Jayden. Nothing a few days in the country couldn’t help. Maybe there are some mountain men I might be able to drown my sorrows in, you know?”

  I rolled over and eyed Red, sitting up and entertaining himself with jabbing his play rocket ship into my eye and then my ear, my quick ducks out of the way making him
giggle. The poor guy didn’t even know his own grandma. She’d only seen him once and the minute he started drooling she’d handed him back over with a horrified look of disgust. It was just like her to expect everyone to drop everything for her simply because she didn’t like who Dad was having an affair with at the moment. I’m sure if the tennis instructor had been willing, we wouldn’t be having this call right now.

  “So, let me get this straight: Dad’s allowed to have an affair as long as you’re having one at the same time too?”

  “Jayden!” I had to hand it to her, she genuinely sounded shocked. “Don’t speak to me like that. This is a very trying time for your poor mother and I expect you to treat me with respect.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed down all the things I could have said. Red lay down on my back and all I could see was the image of Nora smiling up at me with so much trust in her eyes. There was a woman who deserved my respect. A woman who earned it by being a good person whether someone was watching or not. Nora would never put up with the type of relationship my parents had.

  “Jayden.” Mom’s voice was hard. Unforgiving. “You are my son. You may look just like your father, but I gave you life. Think about that and then call me back with a weekend I can come visit.”

  The click in my ear told me she’d hung up on me.

  I threw the phone on the floor and scoffed, the vibration delighting Red, who thought everything I did was a game meant for his entertainment. He slid off me and crawled over to hug my head.

  “Na-na.”

  I tickled his squishy belly, getting him to let go of my head. “I know, buddy. I wish Na-na were here too.”

  With the sound of his laughter filling the room, I got food out of the to-go bags from the Forty-Diner and had dinner with my son. He’d developed a fondness for their steak fries that probably wasn’t the healthiest. I wasn’t sure if I was the best dad. I wasn’t even sure I wouldn’t turn into my parents, alone and angry, never trusting anyone, not even themselves. If nature mattered more than nurture, Red and I were screwed. Our DNA pool came with a shocking amount of distrust.

  With that happy thought, we headed to bed, ready to start a new day working with Nora. I thought, just maybe, I could trust her.

  Lenora

  I didn’t see my parents when I finally came home after spending the rest of the day with Jayden and learning about the business I would soon be running. I was walking on air. I felt like I’d finally arrived in my life after twenty-eight years of floundering and then crawling my way to my destination. I was exactly where I wanted to be: starting a career that stimulated my brain and with a hot boyfriend who trusted me.

  A note was on the kitchen table: Dinner is in the fridge. We had an emergency meeting at the church. Talk tomorrow morning.

  I crumpled it up and went to the fridge to reheat whatever Mom had left for me. Pretty soon I wouldn’t need to eat their leftovers or stay in the room I’d grown up in. I’d be able to move into my own place in a matter of months with the salary Jayden had gone over with me today. I kicked off my heels and did that booty-shaking dance in the middle of the kitchen Amelia had forced us to learn one night when we’d had way too much beer at a bonfire party.

  Somehow, someway, I finally got to sleep around midnight, jazzed to get back to work the next day and get The Hardware Store up and running before our planned open date. I was going to rock this job so hard the gold locked in the hillside would fall out at our feet. Who needed the town legend of an earthquake when my excitement could cause one all on its own?

  I woke to my alarm and jumped out of bed, creative energy fueling me so much better than a cup of coffee bean water. I pulled on clean jeans and a nice shirt. A pair of squeaky white slip-on Vans and I was ready for a day at work. I high-fived my reflection in my full-length mirror and grabbed my keys.

  My parents were nowhere to be found, so they were either sleeping late due to being out late the night before, or they were out and about earlier than they had been in years. I still hadn’t told them about my new job. I’d have to text them later to fill them in.

  There was a nice morning breeze from the ocean, keeping it cool even in the middle of summer here in Auburn Hill. The trip to work was short on any day, but today the roads were completely clear, which was odd. It was Tuesday, right? Not a holiday. The grunions weren’t quite running. If they were, Amelia would have texted yesterday and insisted we go down to the beach at midnight.

  I hit the traffic circle, my breakfast of a single banana no longer sitting well in my stomach. Something seemed off. Exiting onto Brinestone Way, I had to slam on my brakes to avoid Mrs. Pritchett crossing the street, illegally I might add. Where was Penelope Fines when you needed her? My phone dinged with an incoming text, but after a single glance at it to see it was just the Hell Raiser chat, I ignored it like the safe driver I was. When I popped my head back up, my foot slammed on the brakes, which thankfully didn’t do much in terms of whiplash since I was barely going five miles an hour after watching out for pedestrians who should know better.

  There, in the parking lot where I was supposed to be parking my car and going into work, was a hoard of people. Not just any people. My people. Friends, neighbors, old teachers of mine. Hell, even Yedda and several of her cats were there, darting around people’s feet and generally being a nuisance.

  I pulled off on the side of Brinestone Way and hopped out, hustling to cross the street just like Mrs. Pritchett had. Several of the people in the parking lot held signs on a stick, which was odd, because I’m pretty sure we hadn’t had a sign spinner yet in Auburn Hill.

  I elbowed my way through the crowd, feeling guilty for being so rude, but needing to get to the front to see what was going on. Short people had to be a little more aggressive to clear a path and hugs weren’t going to cut it.

  “Hey!” Penelope Fines gave me a death glare that did nothing for her fine lines and wrinkles. Not my fault she got in the way of my elbow.

  “Oh shoot, gotta go!” I yelled over my shoulder as I pushed farther ahead.

  The crowd cleared and suddenly I wished I’d stayed and chatted with Penelope, which as we all know was saying something.

  Because what was in front of me was basically my worst nightmare.

  Mom and Dad stood at the head of the crowd, Dad with his Bible out like he was giving his Sunday sermon. His face was red and his eyebrows made a straight line, meaning he was a few Bible thumps shy of having another heart attack scare. And there, on the steps to my new workplace, stood Jayden. My boyfriend. Looking shell-shocked and a little nauseous, which was how I imagined I looked too.

  Behind me, the protestors started to chant. “There’s no sex in Hell!”

  Even with all my warning bells ringing at full volume, I snorted. Pretty sure there was sex in Hell. I mean, didn’t everyone watch Lucifer?

  I stepped out of the crowd and went around my parents to Jayden’s side. Dad didn’t even take a breath as he quoted scripture. Mom looked at me like I’d grown three heads.

  “Jayden?” I whispered loudly. People were starting to look at me now and I could guess what they were thinking. Why was sweet Lenora talking to the evil man who brought this debacle to our little town?

  He turned his head and saw me, relief fluttering through his eyes for a moment. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me aside, leaving my dad lecturing the thin air. Standing in the doorway of The Hardware Store that didn’t even have a sign yet, Jayden filled me in.

  “Word got out.” He jammed his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, his sleeves rolled up already and looking hotter than any boss had a right to.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Yeah, I see that. What the hell happened?”

  Jayden shook his head slowly and I recognized the look. Lots of out-of-towners did that same confused headshake when faced with citizens from Hell.

  “I guess Poppy said something about that shipment yesterday and then somebody pulled the permits and confirmed it.”

  I
sighed, realizing I should have expected that. “I thought we’d have more time. Stupid really. Poppy is a pro at spreading gossip.” I wrung my hands, trying to think on my feet like a good manager would. “Okay, so here’s what we’ll do. Business as usual and we’ll hope the protesting dies down in a day or two. Right?”

  “Lenny?” My father stepped up to me, his Bible finally closed, but his focus now on me. “What are you doing talking to him?” The way he said “him” implied Jayden was most definitely a murderer, maybe even the devil himself, finally back on earth to make a home in Hell.

  I thought I might puke. Normally I’d say whatever needed to be said to placate my parents and diffuse the situation, but the very next second, a tiny flare of something wild pushed its way to the forefront of my feelings’ conveyor belt. Bullheaded, obstinate, deviant. The flare wasn’t messing around.

  “You mean the guy who helped you get to the hospital when you had your heart attack scare a month ago even though you were a perfect stranger?” My fist found its way to my hip, right around the same moment my spine decided to sheath itself in steel for the first time.

  Dad reared his head back, confusion blurring the harsh lines carved through his face from years of Bible-thumping sermons. Mom let out a sigh for the record books, her disappointment clear in the way the air whistled through her pinched nose.

  “Lenny. Honey. This man is setting up a sex shop in our little town. He’ll bring deviants, miscreants, the very scum of society we don’t need here. You can’t possibly be defending him.”

  “Oh, I’m not just defending him. I’m working for him.”

  Mom gasped and so did a few people behind her, having pressed close enough to get a good listen. Nothing like witnessing the pastor’s family feud in the parking lot of a sex shop to get the town talking.

  As for me, I stood firm. I believed in Jayden and I believed in this business.

  Dad shook his head, the hardening of his eyes as they gazed at me turning my heart to stone. “You’ll regret this. And so will this town if we let this abomination take up residence here. Mark my words.”