From the Inside Out

by Talya Andor

  "No, I'm flattered." Soren slid closer. There was an inch, maybe a hair more, between them. "Especially when you're missing your favorite cartoons to spend time with me."

  With a laugh, Lucas shoulder-bumped him. "They're not cartoons."

  "That's what you say." Now their thighs touched again. Soren flinched away with a vulnerable look. It made Lucas want to touch him even more. "I…"

  Whatever he might have said was lost when the waitress returned with their food.

  "Anything else?" she asked, giving Lucas a disapproving look, reminiscent of a teacher catching a student pranking.

  Soren slid away, shrugging his hair over his shoulder.

  "No, we're fine, thanks," Lucas replied coolly. He looked down at his sandwich and wondered why he'd picked something so sloppy for a first date.

  The waitress departed, giving them a nod.

  "Good?" Lucas asked Soren, who had already dived into his sandwich with the desperation of a hungry man.

  Soren nodded and mumbled something through his food.

  "That's gross, man," Lucas said, but he was amused. He picked at his French dip. "Did you have plans for the rest of the day? I was thinking about kidnapping you."

  Swallowing his mouthful, Soren made surprised eyes at him. "You don't have to…"

  "What part of 'kidnap' don't you understand?" Lucas said, dunking half his sandwich into the au jus. He caught Soren's smile from the corner of his eye—it was cute.

  When was the last time Lucas had gone out with someone that he actually liked? For that matter, when was the last time he'd gone out with someone he knew beyond their clubbing tastes?

  "I don't have a lot of homework, so I guess my afternoon is free," Soren replied, but he sounded unsure.

  "Still working on your history paper?"

  Soren shook his head. "Finished it last night when I was working on homework. Now comp lit is kicking my ass."

  "Homework…speaking of, last night you signed off on me."

  This time, Soren was the one to shoulder-bump him. "I promise I won't do it again." He gave Lucas a contrite smile.

  Lucas turned so that their faces were quite close. "Promise?" he said, with his best flirtatious smile.

  Soren drew away, but this time, he lingered, the warmth of his leg pressing up close to Lucas. "I didn't think there was anything left to talk about last night." He bit his lip, his eyes huge and appealing.

  "Well, I could have just been trying to apologize for being an asshole," Lucas pressed, smile widening.

  Soren swiped Lucas's pickle. "I won't argue that," he said with a mischievous grin of his own.

  "Hey!" Whether it was for the pickle or the crack, Lucas wasn't sure, but he wolfed down the rest of his sandwich and reached for his stolen pickle. Soren shook his head, clearly trying not to laugh.

  Lucas swallowed before speaking. "What?"

  "If I ever thought you were one of the beautiful people, watching you eat like that has given me a different perspective."

  "Well, good." Lucas stole some of Soren's fries. "You think I'm one of the beautiful people?"

  "Shut up." Soren tossed his crumpled-up napkin onto his plate. "You know you are, so don't go fishing. You could model if you wanted to."

  Mollified, Lucas put a few fries back. "I'm too lazy to be a model. A life on the fast track with all that exercise and cocaine would be exhausting."

  Soren laughed. "This feels…" He leaned back.

  Familiar. Comfortable. Lucas smiled. "I feel like I've got my friend back. And I found out he's sexy too."

  Soren stiffened.

  Lucas pushed his plate away, pretending not to notice the tension. He drained his tea and drank some water, before eating his pickle in a few bites. "I guess you're done, then."

  "Hmm."

  The waitress had deposited the check on their table halfway through the meal, casting a last dark glance over her shoulder, before departing without asking whether they wanted anything more. Lucas was closer, and so it was easier for him to nab the check.

  Soren reached into his jacket. "Here, I—"

  "Don't even think about it," Lucas said, flicking his fingers at Soren and counting cash out of his wallet. He estimated a generous tip on top of it, just as an extra fuck you. He grinned sidelong. "Besides, I get a shift differential."

  "I work more hours than you, despite any extra money you get from being shift super."

  "Yeah, but I asked you out," Lucas murmured, and that shut Soren up.

  For a long moment, Lucas hesitated. At last, he turned his head toward Soren. "So, about that kidnapping idea?"

  Soren was leaning against him, as if trying to pile out of the booth though Lucas was in the way. He bit his lip and looked down. "I…I'd better get home for the day," he replied. He caught his breath as though he'd say something more and looked up at Lucas, eyes wide. "Sorry?"

  His eyes were so blue. Lucas wanted to draw him close and kiss him right there.

  "Hey, it's okay. We're going at your pace, all right? And if that means you need space or time alone, you let me know."

  Soren nodded quickly.

  When Lucas got up to let him out, Soren moved so fast that Lucas couldn't shake the impression that he was escaping.

  What the hell am I doing?

  *~*~*

  Silence spun out in the interior of the Lexus as Soren sat in the passenger seat absorbing first impressions of their date. Could he really call it a date? Lucas had paid; they had sat with their thighs pressed warmly together. It could have been a meeting of friends but for the heat in Lucas's eyes in those moments when he'd turned to look at Soren.

  For the moment, Soren had run out of things to say. He stuck to giving directions to his place, self-conscious over the fact that he was essentially retreating from Lucas's intent to spend more time with him.

  He wanted to apologize and tell Lucas he was no good at this. He was overwhelmed. He didn't even know what they'd do with the rest of their day. Soren was so accustomed to splitting his time between work and school, espresso bar and homework, that he'd barely know how to have fun if it weren't for Sloane.

  "Turn left and our house is the first one on the block," Soren said, pointing at the three-story house on the corner.

  "Nice place," Lucas said.

  "It's not as big as the house we had in Eugene, but we like it." Soren caught Lucas's smile out of the corner of his eye, and he looked over at him with a smile of his own.

  "Not as big? It's huge!"

  "Eugene has places sprawled out on a lot more land. And Dad says housing is way more expensive up here, so we got less for our money. Still, there are seven of us, so we kind of need the space."

  "Right," Lucas said with a nod. He guided his car in front of Soren's house. "So."

  "Sorry to cut things short," Soren said, ducking his head. He knew it made it look like he was trying to escape.

  "It's fine. It's not like you're ducking out of plans we set up, you know? This was spur of the moment."

  Soren bobbed his head, absorbing that. Maybe the spontaneity was part of what unsettled him. "I can still hardly believe you wanted to go out with me," he confessed, blurting out the thought before he could think it over enough to censor it.

  Lucas raised his brows. "You shouldn't think like that," he replied. He tilted his head, a teasing look crossing his face. "You know, you're making me think I'm some kind of ogre, if you keep saying you can't believe I'd go out with you."

  Soren waved his hands, biting his lip. But I'm boring. He had enough self-preservation to realize that was no way to sell himself if he wanted a second date. "That's not what I meant."

  "I know," Lucas said softly. "I'm teasing you."

  Soren picked up his backpack and peeked at Lucas from the corner of his eye. "So," he said, fiddling with the strap on the front.

  "So."

  Soren realized he had no idea how to proceed. Was he supposed to ask Lucas out for a second date? Wait to be asked? Turn to see if
he was going to be kissed? All three of those prospects brought heat into his face and a crippling wave of indecision riveted him to the spot.

  "You want to do this again?" Lucas asked, gesturing around the interior of the car.

  Soren raised his head. "Yeah…I…yeah." He tried to articulate his feelings better. "I know I wasn't exactly the most sparkling conversationalist—"

  "Don't knock it," Lucas interrupted in an easy manner. "You're an introvert, right?"

  "That's an understatement," Soren muttered.

  "I know it might take you some time to warm up to me, in person. In fact, if I remember right, it took you a while to warm up to me in chat."

  Soren nodded slowly. "Thanks."

  "My pleasure."

  Soren shifted in his seat until he was looking right into Lucas's eyes. He thought he ought to kiss him, but he was too intimidated to make the first move. He'd never done this before. Wanting, fantasizing…it was so different from the reality of facing Lucas like this and wondering if it was the right moment for a kiss.

  "We can set up details later, okay?" Lucas said. He grinned briefly. "I'm sure we've both got to look over our schedules, with school getting up to full grind and work scheduling us for every other spare moment."

  Soren nodded. "Makes sense." He glanced over his shoulder, abruptly realizing someone might come out of his house and see him in the front seat of a strange car with a boy. "I…I'd better go."

  "See you soon," Lucas said.

  A warm hand covered his, and Soren looked down, startled.

  "Don't sign off on me again."

  Soren held his gaze, bit his lip, and nodded. "I won't." He flashed a shy smile at Lucas.

  Lucas released his fingers and smiled back. "Okay. Have a great weekend?"

  "You too."

  Soren slipped out of the car and hitched his backpack over his shoulder, hurrying up the driveway without a backward glance. He went in through the kitchen entrance on the side, hoping to pass unnoticed if his family was hanging out in the family room around the corner, or off on their own pursuits throughout the house.

  "You're late," Claire said from the kitchen table. She had a paper spread out in two sections, and sat sipping from a blue mug with the logo of her company stenciled on the side.

  "Had lunch with a friend," Soren replied, ducking his head and making a beeline through the kitchen.

  He thought he heard Claire make a disgruntled noise, but he moved too quickly to risk being called back to be invited for conversation at greater length.

  Soren was still giddy with the overall fact that he'd been out with Lucas, his first actual date, and it hadn't gone disastrously. Not by movie standards, at least. They'd agreed to go out again, even, which meant that Lucas wanted to see him.

  Sure, the conversation had been awkward at times, even stilted—Soren winced at the way they'd wrapped up in the car—but Soren was gradually reconciling the Lucas who made him flustered with the person he was underneath it. TruBishounen was there, for sure.

  He tossed his backpack onto his bed and went straight for his computer, pulling up his email, going through the latest and deleting his spam, and reading through something class related. His next stop, inevitably, was logging into his chat session.

  LiztheGreat was online, and Soren grinned as he saw her name on the available list, not idle. He was brimming over with late-dawning elation over the modest success of his first date. He pinged her as he opened his comp lit paper from his recent documents

  Dawntreader: Hey, how's it goin'

  LiztheGreat: shitty start of term already

  Dawntreader: oh man :( sorry to hear it

  LiztheGreat: yeah

  LiztheGreat: how bout you?

  Soren grinned at his screen. He was pretty sure a single sentence couldn't encompass his feelings, but he and Liz had never been good at phone calls. Claire had often noted with exasperation that he and Liz would choose texting each other for two hours rather than communicate the same information in a half-hour phone call.

  Dawntreader: just got home from my first date with a guy I like. :D

  On the other hand, perhaps that did sum it up pretty well. Soren was bursting with happiness now, ready to expound on details, describe Lucas—if he hadn't described him to Liz already—talk about where they'd gone, and what Soren was considering to be underlying sexual tension. Now that the stress of a new experience was over, he was absorbing the fact that he and Lucas had been very close, and Lucas had been quite comfortable with that.

  LiztheGreat: Oh, good for you

  LiztheGreat: I don't know what I'm going to do about this asshole professor

  LiztheGreat: Term just started, I don't have all my books because my grant money isn't here, and he expects us to have this damn paper written on it by next week

  LiztheGreat: It's impossible

  Soren's stomach dropped as he parsed Liz's quick change of subject. She tended to ignore something she didn't feel like talking about, but he'd never expected her to act like this when he got a boyfriend. Or—he corrected himself for advancing too rapidly in his head—for going out with a guy at last.

  He considered and discarded several responses, and settled on the non-confrontational route, as usual.

  Dawntreader: How frustrating

  LiztheGreat: no kidding

  Dawntreader: Do they have it at a library?

  The chat turned to other subjects. Soren tried to shove away his discomfort that Liz hadn't wanted to talk about his date. Liz had recently ended a relationship herself, so maybe she wasn't in the mood to cheer him on through the opening stages of dating a man.

  He had been working on his paper for about an hour when a door creaked open in his chat program. He switched over to see who had come online. Soren grinned and bit his lip. Before he could click on the new name, a chat request came through to him, first.

  TruBishounen: There's the person I've been missing

  Dawntreader: You just saw me an hour ago!

  TruBishounen: In cyberspace, I mean. That's got to be, like, ages

  Soren's glow intensified. It was like his relationship with Tru was brand new again.

  Dawntreader: Well in that case, I missed you too.

  TruBishounen: That's what my ego wanted to hear.

  Soren hesitated for a moment, fretting at his lip. It was important to speak up about it, he decided, especially from behind the relative safety of text.

  Dawntreader: I dunno why it's easier to talk like this than it is face to face

  There was a long pause while Lucas typed, erased text, and typed once more. Soren buried his face in his hands. Lucas was going to decide he was a complete nerd, a hopeless case.

  TruBishounen: It's okay

  TruBishounen: You gave me a chance, you know? So I'm giving you the chance to go at your pace.

  Soren huffed softly, but he was smiling.

  TruBishounen: I just want you to feel comfortable with me in person as you are here

  Dawntreader: I'm sure I'll get there if you keep this up

  TruBishounen: Keep what up?

  Dawntreader: You've been a gentleman so far.

  TruBishounen: Haha…wait until you know me better

  Dawntreader: Oh, I think I know you pretty well

  The exchange left Soren feeling buoyed. Even if their date had been awkward, he was reassured Lucas really did want to get to know him—in real life, as well as online. Lucas was the one telling Soren what his ego wanted to hear.

  Before they signed off, they both checked their schedules and set up a date, later in the next week than Soren wanted, but soon enough to keep him looking forward to that day.

  TruBishounen: I'm looking forward to it

  Dawntreader: Yeah, I can't wait to meet up with you again

  TruBishounen: Good—now you'd better kick that comp lit paper's ass

  Soren propped his chin on a hand, making a little face at his computer for the reminder. He knew if he'd told himself this m
orning he could expect to look forward to a second date with Lucas, he'd have expected to wake up from a dream.

  Now his dream was coming true.

  Four

  The sun was peeking over the horizon, throwing a halo of golden glimmers against the low-lying clouds, when Lucas pulled his Lexus to the curb across from Soren's house. The week had passed quickly in a blur of start-of-term homework and hours at the shop, yet Lucas had found himself wanting Soren's company. The desire might have been keener for the fact he couldn't have it.

  Soren's shy smiles and sidelong glances were driving Lucas wild. It had been a long time, if ever, since he'd wanted something and been denied immediate gratification. Some days before or after work, Lucas wasn't sure if he was building anticipation or just pressure in his balls.

  He had been looking forward to their second date all week, and it had finally arrived. He hadn't even begrudged waking at an early hour when he wasn't opening the store. That was a good measure of how much he really wanted this.

  The front door of the Wilkenson house open and shut, and Soren hurried down the path. He was dressed for work in a black polo shirt and khakis, but his hair was still loose around his shoulders. He looked sleepy, but his expression brightened when he spotted Lucas waiting in the car. He was all lean, lithe angles, thin without being skinny, and Lucas appreciated the opportunity to admire.

  "Ready for doughnuts?"

  Soren slumped into the seat beside him, fumbling for the buckle to his seatbelt. "I need something to get me moving," he replied with a groan. "It's too damn early." He sniffed, looking around with wide eyes.

  Lucas chuckled. "That would be the coffee you're smelling. I went by a drive-through just for you."

  "Bless you." Soren snatched the coffee cup from the cup holder. "Ouch, hot!"

  Lucas snickered as he shifted the car into gear. "Yeah, obviously you didn't read the warning on the side of the cup."

  The neighborhood where Soren lived was quiet, but traffic picked up as Lucas reached the main street that would take them to the highway. "So, do you know what you're getting?"

  "Uh…" Soren lapsed into silence.

  Lucas glanced sidelong, amused. "Don't know? Wait…have you never been there before?"