From the Inside Out

by Talya Andor

  "You're in a good mood," Aaron said, moving toward him.

  Soren backed up as Aaron advanced. It was less conscious decision and more reflexive response.

  "I…guess?" Aaron kept his eyes on him in clear expectation of a response. He couldn't smile because Aaron was so close to him, but his date with Lucas, and the flirting in the car, had definitely put him in a good mood. "Things are good."

  Aaron paused beside him for a moment, his eyes searching Soren's. "That's good," he said at last.

  Beside them, Teri giggled.

  Aaron's eyes cut in her direction. "Teri, go check the napkin dispenser and see if it needs restocking."

  Teri dropped into a sarcastic curtsey and moved off.

  "And Soren."

  Soren edged around him and escaped into the bar area. "I'll check the timing on the shots."

  "Yeah," Aaron said after a beat of silence. "Sure."

  When Soren glanced over his shoulder, Aaron was still standing there, watching him.

  "Plans for the weekend?" Aaron said.

  Soren blinked. This was a disconcerting amount of attention from Aaron, who had barely said more than a few sentences all together to him since his first couple of weeks at work. "Uh, yeah," he replied, thinking back to his perusal of the schedule. There was a free afternoon that he and Lucas both had, and since Lucas had already expressed the willingness for a date, he was going to make use of that time.

  Aaron frowned.

  Soren pried a porta-filter free of its slot in the espresso machine, upending it over the grounds disposal. "Um…what about you?" he asked Aaron out of politeness.

  "Guess not," Aaron muttered. He turned his back on Soren and walked off.

  Soren shook his head as he turned back to the task of testing and calibrating all of the espresso bar settings. Whatever mood Aaron had fallen into, he hoped it wouldn't affect the rest of the shift.

  He was grateful when Aaron ended up staying in the back until Lucas arrived, leaving Soren and Teri to staff the front of the store. Everything operated more smoothly without Aaron around.

  *~*~*

  "You fucker, you did not just shell me!"

  "That's what you get for knocking me off that cliff!"

  Lucas took a hard turn with his game controller, knocking into Brandon and laughing when Brandon growled and elbowed him back.

  "Much good it'll do you," Lucas taunted, bouncing the controller in his hands to put on a burst of speed as he cleared a jump. "Suck it! I'm going to win anyway."

  "You're an ass!" Brandon tossed his controller to one side where it landed on the couch nearby.

  "And you're a loser." Lucas punched a fist into the air as his driver crossed the finish line and did a little victory dance. "Bested again. Yes! I'm the king!"

  "Yeah, yeah," Brandon said good-naturedly. He waved a hand as Lucas brought up the menu. "I'm done. I have to go meet Lisa in a minute. Date night."

  "On a Thursday? You guys are weird."

  "You've gotta do what you can with the schedule you have." Brandon got up from the couch. "What about you?"

  "Homework." Lucas turned the console off and set his controller on the coffee table. He glanced up at Brandon and scratched his stomach. Brandon was still standing there with a thoughtful look on his face. "What's up?"

  "We should double again sometime soon, don't you think?"

  "Uh, what?"

  Brandon made a little face, smoothed it out and turned it into a dimpled smile. "Well, you have someone right now, don't you?"

  "What do you mean?" Lucas asked, quick and defensive. Even as he spoke up, he realized it wasn't so strange that Brandon figured it out. He'd known Lucas long enough to recognize the signs of Lucas being on a dating spree. "What makes you say that?"

  "Well, you're definitely dating. The cologne, stepping out of the room to take phone calls, smiling for no reason…yeah, you're dating."

  Lucas scratched his chin with a thumb. He supposed he had been doing those things, now that Brandon had brought it up. "Okay, stipulated."

  Brandon's grinned. "Fine, you want to keep her to yourself for a little while longer. That's probably a good change, for you."

  Wrong pronoun, Lucas thought to himself, but was too chicken to correct his friend. "What do you mean by that?"

  Brandon turned a cynical look on him. "You date a girl long enough to have sex with her."

  "What? Come on, that's not what I…what?"

  "That's totally what you do," Brandon said. "You go into it to get to the physical part of the relationship as fast as possible, then you dump the girl when you realize you don't like her enough to keep her around."

  "I don't do that! That's not true." Lucas frowned, looking away as he mentally sorted through the past few girls he'd dated. It was true that he'd dumped them all pretty quickly, and it had been because he hadn't liked them.

  Brandon shrugged. "Have you slept with this one yet?"

  "Well, no."

  Brandon pointed a finger at him. "Maybe that's a good thing."

  "Fuck you," Lucas grumbled, pushing himself up from the couch cushions. "I've got better things to do than talk about my love life."

  "What, like homework?"

  "Like anything on the internet besides this conversation," Lucas said. He smacked Brandon's shoulder and headed for the kitchen. "Have fun on your date."

  "Yeah, have fun with your internet."

  Lucas paused beside the fridge in the act of getting a drink, wondering how the conversation would have gone if he'd confessed he was dating a boy. He liked to think Brandon was open-minded enough that it wouldn't have changed anything, but he'd gotten reactions before. He'd even had friends ditch him. Most of his track buddies never spoke to him again after he'd started dating Stephen.

  He shook off those thoughts, grabbed a Coke from the fridge, and returned to his room where his laptop awaited.

  Of course, he wasn't going to get his homework started right away. He wanted to see if Soren was online first. As he logged on, he considered some of the things that Brandon had said. He hadn't been looking for a serious relationship for a long time. He'd only been looking for some fun, something for the moment, a body to fill the bed but nothing with strings or attachments.

  Soren was different because he'd known more about him from the start, before discovering Soren and Dawntreader were the same person.

  He tried not to think about it too hard, but maybe there was something to that—getting to know someone before he had sex with them. At least, he'd gotten through two dates with Soren, two and a half if he counted that shared lunch break, and he wanted to see him more, rather than hitting and quitting it.

  Every moment with Soren left Lucas wanting more. He didn't know why, but he knew for sure that he didn't want to analyze it.

  Dawntreader's name jumped out at him from Lucas's list of chat contacts and he grinned.

  TruBishounen: hey, what are you up to?

  Dawntreader: Nothing much. Homework. What are you doing?

  TruBishounen: thinking about when I can see you again

  Lucas blinked at the screen, shook his head a little, and palmed one side of his face. Had he really just typed that? Either Brandon was right, or he was going soft. Mostly in the head region.

  Dawntreader: okay that was kinda cheesy

  TruBishounen: yeah okay that was so cheesy

  Dawntreader: lol irl

  TruBishounen: seriously though

  Dawntreader: you'll see me day after tomorrow? we have a shift together.

  TruBishounen: got plans for after?

  Dawntreader: sounds like I do now :)

  Lucas caught himself grinning, and reached up to muss his hair.

  Brandon was right. He had it bad.

  *~*~*

  Soren finished mopping up his bar and turned to see Lucas regarding him with a speculative smile.

  "Time to clock out?" Soren asked.

  Lucas tapped his watch. "Go ahead and head back, and I'll wait
for Linh to relieve me."

  "Oh, right," Soren said, putting the heel of his hand to his forehead. "You can't exactly leave the register unattended." Danice was in the back, and Pam was out on the floor facing merchandise. She didn't have a till, so Lucas had to wait.

  Lucas's eyes crinkled. "See you in a moment."

  Soren bobbed his head and sidled past Lucas on his way to the back. He had to squeeze close to him, but unlike the other day with Aaron when the nearness had made him uncomfortable, he found himself biting his lip and looking up at Lucas, inhaling and taking note of how good he smelled. He focused in on Lucas's mouth, and wondered how many dates it would take before he had the courage to lean in and take that first kiss.

  When Lucas had told him he'd go at Soren's pace, Soren hadn't realized that meant they would be stuck in first gear. Now he was coming to realize how much he really wanted his first kiss with Lucas.

  He walked into the back, giving a nod to Linh as they crossed paths, and stood before the bulletin board again, gazing at schedules and untying his apron. Danice had put the schedule for next week up on the board since the last time he'd been out, and he pulled his phone out to mark down his shifts on his calendar.

  Behind him, hands skimmed along his shoulders.

  Soren closed his eyes and smiled. He was cast back in his mind to that moment when Lucas had done this the other week. He'd been convinced of Lucas's intentions, and decided to give him another chance.

  "Long morning?" Lucas murmured.

  "Too long," Soren said. He turned around, slipping his phone into his back pocket, and laughed as his apron strings got tangled.

  Lucas picked at them and untangled him, uncrossing them behind Soren's back and putting his arms around him in the process. His hands rested on the points of his hips above his rear. He smiled at Soren, tipping his head slightly to one side, nose close enough to brush Soren's.

  This was the moment, Soren realized, and he wanted to take it.

  There was the barest gap between them but now Lucas covered the remainder, slanting in and pressing his lips against Soren's. The last thing Soren fixed on was the sight of a dilated eye before he let his own eyes slide shut as he let Lucas kiss him. He fisted his hands in his own apron, crumpling the green fabric between his fingers, and Lucas's lips pressed against his so softly, rubbing against him, silken and warm. He was so close Soren thought he could feel Lucas's heartbeat, but it was only his own pulse thunderous beneath the skin.

  Right when Soren's resistance had reached the crumbling point, when he was ready to reach for Lucas and pull himself deeper into the kiss, Lucas leaned back.

  Soren opened his eyes slowly. He bit his lip, thoughtful.

  "Okay?" Lucas whispered.

  Soren nodded and gave him a bright smile. He turned his head toward Danice as he heard movement further in the back. "Really good." He'd worried that his first kiss would be awkward, but Lucas had guided him through it just right. He supposed that was the advantage to experience.

  "Still on for lunch?"

  "What do you think I've been looking forward to all morning?" Soren asked, giving Lucas an anticipatory little grin.

  "Your first taste of Japanese food?"

  "Yeah, that's it," Soren said, rolling his eyes. Inwardly he was so pleased with the kiss that it was all he could focus on, to an extent. He tugged off his apron and stowed it before hurrying to get his things.

  He and Lucas left the store together. Soren grinned over at him as they climbed into the car and he remembered the conversation they'd had online.

  "I still can't believe this'll be your first Japanese restaurant," Lucas said, clearly on the same mental track.

  "What can I say? My family's tastes have never been very adventurous."

  "Japanese is hardly adventurous."

  "Trust me, for my family, it would be."

  Soren settled back in his seat as Lucas drove them to Pioneer Place in downtown Portland. These were familiar surroundings, and it made him smile to be here with Lucas instead of visiting some store with his mother, or losing himself in Powell's Books. The restaurant was down the corner from the open brick square of Pioneer Place, and Lucas found parking after circling only twice.

  "Must be our lucky day," Soren said as he watched Lucas feed money into the green ticket-dispensing box.

  "Parking's not too bad this time of day during the week, unless there's something going on."

  Lucas guided Soren up the sidewalk with a hand near his hip. The touch gave Soren a warm shiver. He thought of the kiss again and smiled.

  The restaurant was cramped and narrow, nearly full. Despite the narrow space, it was packed with orange-topped wooden tables. The walls were paneled with bamboo or something made to resemble it, and hung with simple black and white calligraphy prints. They were seated at a table three across from the door with menus, and Soren was glad there were pictures for some of the dishes so that he knew what he was getting into. Once again, Lucas seated himself next to Soren rather than across. Soren flashed him a shy smile.

  "Want me to recommend things you might like?" Lucas asked. He took a brief look at his menu and set it aside.

  "I think I can figure it out. Just warn me if I seem like I'm getting over my head."

  "I won't let you order anything raw," Lucas assured him.

  Soren pored over noodle dishes and asked a few questions on terms the menu didn't explain. He ought to try something new, he figured; he'd done the same with Lucas, and look where it had gotten him.

  A young man greeted them with a smile. "My name is Ben, and I'll be your waiter today. Something I can get for you to drink?"

  "Tea, please," Lucas said.

  "Just water for me, thanks," Soren said. He hadn't had time to get to the beverage part of the menu, but every place served water.

  "Coming right up. Would you like to order something to start with, or shall I come back?"

  "Yeah, from your sushi menu, I'd like…" Lucas rattled off a couple of words that sounded Japanese to Soren. "And the hotate, can you make that spicy?"

  "Sure thing," Ben replied with a nod.

  Soren glanced at the menu, trying to find the things Lucas had ordered to see if there was a translation below the foreign words. He gave up and kept looking at the other dishes. Teriyaki chicken was understandable enough, and he was curious about curry. Red Dwarf had taught him it was practically the national dish of Great Britain, though he was pretty sure it was sci-fi exaggeration.

  "What are your thoughts on curry?" he asked Lucas, after Ben had moved on with a promise to return for their meal orders. "And what on earth did you order?"

  "Just some sushi," Lucas replied. "There's a tuna and avocado roll, pretty basic, a roll similar to the California roll topped with seared salmon, so you might like it because everything is cooked, and I got myself some spicy scallop nigiri."

  "Whatever that means," Soren said with a laugh.

  "The nigiri are like the little boats," Lucas explained, pointing to a picture on the left-hand side of Soren's menu. "There's two types of sushi: nigiri and maki—"

  "I think I'm already reaching information overload," Soren said, holding up a hand. "Let me figure out what I want for lunch and you can try to teach me Japanese, okay?"

  Lucas laughed and poked him in the ribs. "If I sat here and tried to teach you Japanese before we ate, you'd end up a lot thinner."

  "Hey!" Soren thwapped Lucas with the menu. "Uncalled for. I'm not that slow." He studiously regarded his menu as he considered that statement. As far as Lucas was concerned, Soren was probably stalled out on the shoulder of life's highway.

  "Curry is okay," Lucas said, going back to Soren's earlier question. "It really depends on the restaurant making it. And curry's not really Japanese. They use a spice mixture rather than doing it the real way, from scratch."

  "How do you know so much about food?" Soren asked.

  Lucas was silent for a moment.

  "Normally I'd give you the smartass a
nswer," Lucas murmured, nudging Soren's elbow with his own. "But I like you. My mom died a long time ago. When I lived with her, it was just her and me. She taught me to cook, because some nights she got home way later than me. And we ate all different kinds of food; she always said she liked a rainbow on her plate.

  "When she died, I moved in with my dad and step-mom and ate a lot of takeout. Thai, Chinese, Mediterranean, Indian…if Portland's got anything, it's food diversity. It wasn't the same as homemade, though. So I tried to figure out how to make all that good food myself. My step-mom didn't care as long as I cleaned up my own messes."

  "Wow." Lucas hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said he had effectively been on his own for a long time. "So, you know your curry."

  "I know my curry," Lucas said, turning to look at Soren with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

  Soren wanted to erase that look from his eyes, and earn a genuine smile again. He leaned close to Lucas until their shoulders bumped together. "Does that mean I shouldn't try the curry here?"

  Lucas bit his lip and his gaze shifted to Soren's mouth.

  Soren thought about kissing Lucas right here in the restaurant, but remembered the look on the waitress's face on their first date. Most people wouldn't want to see that. He straightened in his chair, laying a conciliatory hand on Lucas's thigh under the table.

  "I think maybe not the curry, not for your first," Lucas said, sitting up in his chair. He pointed to a couple of items on the menu. "The chicken yaki, or the ramen—Japanese restaurants make real ramen, you know, not that cheap crap you get in the grocery aisle—or the tempura. Tempura is usually a big hit on any menu."

  "That's because it's fried," Soren said. He didn't need a picture to know that much, even though his own food upbringing hadn't been culturally diverse. "I think I'll get the chicken…yaki? That's the teriyaki chicken?"

  "Yeah, that should be pretty good."

  "If not exactly adventurous," Soren said. He pointed to a picture on the menu. "What about that one? It looks like pizza."

  "It's okonomiyaki," Lucas glanced over his shoulder. "It's basically the Japanese version of pizza, but don't let them catch you saying so."