by Talya Andor
"Sloane!"
"What? Never mind! I don't really want to know, but it had better at least be worth the delay, right?"
"That's none of your business," Soren said.
The store was busy when they reached it. As Soren headed for the back, he heard Aaron ordering Sloane to clock in. He ducked his head; Sloane hadn't been scheduled to start for another half hour, so it was probably busy.
"Prick," Sloane muttered behind Soren, as she followed him to the apron nook.
"He'll never change," Soren said.
"No, but he could be a little nicer."
They emerged onto the floor and into the middle of the rush. Aaron had Soren join Linh at the bar, putting Sloane on a till, and disappeared into the back with a load of dishes.
And a load of bull, Soren thought, but kept his smile firmly in place as he sidled over to let Linh pull cups for drink orders while he steamed milk and set up shots.
From that moment on, he measured time in drinks until the floor was empty again. He looked up in surprise. It always seemed to pass so quickly when the rush was on. He exchanged a shrug with Linh and started mopping the messy, milk-splattered counter.
By the time Aaron returned to the floor, the shop was idle and Soren and Linh were working to restore order to the bar. Monica had left the service island to gather more dishes or wipe tables, and Aaron pointed a finger in Linh's direction. "Take your break."
Soren contemplated snapping teeth at that finger if it pointed in his direction.
It turned toward Soren. "Restock the bar fridge. What do you look so satisfied about?" His tone was scathing.
It wiped the half-smile from Soren's face. "I'll go restock the fridge," he repeated. He wasn't squeezing past Aaron, though. He'd wait until the way was clear.
Sloane put her hands on her hips. "What, we're not allowed to look happy anymore?"
"You stay out of it." Aaron looked at her with barely concealed rage.
"Did the rush put you in a mood? Good Lord, get a grip."
Soren took a step forward, opening his mouth. Maybe he was no good at speaking up for himself, but if Aaron was going to unleash on Sloane—which looked likely—he wouldn't be able to stay silent anymore.
Aaron's hands tightened into fists. He turned away from Sloane and stalked over to the bean bins, pulling out the short-handled brush to sweep grinds and stray beans from the green Formica counter. "Mind your till," he told her. "And I'll take care of my own business."
Soren frowned immediately. That sounded to him like Aaron was implying that Soren had something to do with his business, to begin with. Maybe he was being paranoid, but either way, he didn't like the way Aaron had said that.
*~*~*
"Ha ha, denied." The black Mustang had chased Lucas around the block, but victory was his in the end. He stepped out into the blustery day and approached the store front, making a face at the line he saw within. Once again, it was crowded with busy shoppers, mistaking St. Johns for a tourist area and anxious to latch onto something familiar and corporate.
Inside the store, Lucas passed by Soren and Sloane with a nod, and his expression brightened at that simple exchange.
Something basic but significant in his life had shifted, and whether it was the sex or the level of trust they'd reached, it suited him. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, and it was changing how he looked at the rest of the world.
The honeymoon stage, indeed.
In the back of the store, Lucas noted with relief that he'd missed Aaron by an hour. He grabbed an apron from the peg.
"Hey, Lucas." Danice appeared by his side, her tan-dark face solemn, brown gaze unusually serious.
"What's up? Something wrong?"
"Michelle and I would like to talk to you for a moment."
"Oh." Lucas blinked. "Oh." So the 'something' that was happening had finally gotten to him.
It was Michelle's day off, but she was here anyhow. Lucas slid into the chair opposite her, barely heeding her subdued greeting. Her plump face didn't look so motherly today.
"We just have a few questions, Lucas," Michelle began.
"Can I ask something?" Lucas raised his hand in a parody of a student at lecture.
Michelle regarded him, unsmiling. "Go ahead."
"What's the, uh, objective of this meeting? Am I being disciplined? Am I the only one?"
"I'm just asking questions, today."
"No one's being disciplined," Danice said. "Not yet."
"Ah." Lucas rested his hands on his knees. "Hit me."
Michelle raised a brow at that. "Have you had any cash-handling problems that you know of, Lucas?"
"Cash problems?" Lucas felt faintly ill. This was more serious than he'd thought. ""No, I balance out to the penny every time."
"What about counting others' tills?"
Lucas shook his head, damping down the urge to fidget. He met Michelle's eye straightforwardly. "No more than normal, I think. Sometimes one of the girls is off by a dollar or two, but it's within the acceptable margin of error."
"What about guys?"
Lucas narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"You said girls. Sometimes 'one of the girls' is off by a dollar or two."
"Did I?" Lucas frowned. "Sorry if it was confusing. I meant any of the baristas. It's usually girls that I'm working with when there are baristas on the tills, is all."
Michelle heaved a short sigh, made a notation on her clipboard, and looked up with the same weary eyes. "Have you given anyone the combination to the safe?"
"What? No!" Lucas exclaimed, shocked. He revised his estimation of 'more serious' to 'total clusterfuck.'
"Anyone, Lucas. This is important," Danice said, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. "Like, even if you only wanted to save a minute by having someone run back to set the safe for you."
"I didn't." Lucas shook his head. "I wouldn't do that. I could get fired for that; I'm not stupid."
"Okay." Michelle made a note of that on her clipboard. She glanced at Danice, then back at him. "How long have you been dating Soren Wilkenson?"
"Hey!" Lucas was angry, now, and didn't care if it showed. It took all the control he had not to bounce to his feet and walk out. If that was a subject for investigation, fine, he'd fucking tell them. "I don't see what the point of knowing that is, but it's a recent thing, all right?"
"I'm not attacking you because of your sexuality. The questions do have a bearing on the investigation, so please answer them honestly and to the best of your ability…we'd prefer to handle this without the police."
Lucas's blood froze. "Fine," he said between gritted teeth. "Three months, all right? Exactly that."
"Thank you." Michelle wrote it down, then looked him in the eye. "Why didn't you mention this to me before? You're a shift supervisor, and he's a line staff employee."
"Because…because I…" Lucas began, and paused, flustered. He passed a hand over his hair. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm still getting used to dating a guy again, myself. Because this is work and that's personal. None of it was good enough. "He's not usually working under me. If we have shifts together, there's usually someone else working as super. And as far as I know, we don't actually have a policy against dating other employees, super or not."
Michelle held his gaze a moment. Her jaw tightened, but she nodded. "Please treat this meeting as confidential, and don't discuss it with anyone."
"Right." Lucas stood. "I'd be too embarrassed to do that." He would be humiliated if he didn't have such a healthy ego. Soren, on the other hand…
Soren. They must have asked him these questions, or ones very like. It made him go hot and cold with rage. It was amazing this situation hadn't already pulled them apart over suspicion, but Soren hadn't questioned him for a moment. That was a humbling thought. But who, exactly, had tipped them off to Lucas's new relationship?
He had the feeling he already knew.
*~*~*
"Right, see you later!" Sloane call
ed, the instant before Soren shut the door. "Don't forget to call."
"Yeah, we need to set up a study session soon. I'll keep things balanced. Later, Sloane."
Soren sighed as he trudged up the drive to the side door off the driveway. There was too much to do and too little time, but Sloane was right to remind him that he had commitments besides Lucas.
The kitchen was warm after the chill of the November afternoon, and Soren inhaled the homey scent of cooking, content for the moment to be wrapped in the closeness of being home. Though he'd been reluctant to leave Lucas's side that morning, everything they shared was at times too intense.
His mother looked up from the kitchen table as Soren crossed the kitchen, duffel over his shoulder, unzipping his jacket and breathing in the yeasty smell of bread. Claire was peeling potatoes, curled up on a chair in a dark blue house dress patterned in golden and scarlet blossoms.
"Good of you to come home." She pushed back a wisp of chestnut hair with the back of her hand, then resuming her peeling.
"Hi, mom," he said, approaching, dropping a kiss to the cheek she lifted. Her skin, bare of foundation, was faintly translucent and he noticed the tiny webs of crow's feet at the corner of her eyes.
"Dinner will be around five," she said, and gave him a brief smile. "Got homework?"
"Of course," Soren replied, returning the smile. "I haven't had much time to work on it all weekend."
She sighed, but said nothing.
As he passed through the house he could tell that most of his family was ensconced in the den area, clustered around the television. He heard the rattle of dice and a triumphant exclamation from Ricky and smiled again. Here, it was a typical weekend afternoon.
Upstairs, he flipped on his computer to get it started, and did a bit of simple maintenance, sorting dirty clothes from the duffel, tossing his laundry sack by the door. He had gotten a bit of homework done the night before after he'd returned home, but not nearly enough. His study sessions by himself or with Sloane had dissolved into giving over his spare time to Lucas. Definitely not a waste of time, but then, he didn't get a whole lot of homework accomplished even when he and Lucas sat down to study.
Tonight's priority was to finish up the assignments due tomorrow—not much work required there—then work on the ones for the rest of the week. If he was lucky he could finish out the week's work…
"Hey, Soren?" A soft scratching noise on his door made Soren lift his head from preoccupation. "Got a minute?"
Soren looked up from his book-bag and the mess of folders and notebooks spread across his computer desk. "Sure, Morgan."
She pushed open the door, looking tentative. "Okay, so to confirm…you're gay, huh?"
Soren sighed and reached for the base of his ponytail, tugging the tie free. "Come in and sit down."
Morgan seated herself on the edge of his bed and fidgeted. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's not exactly a secret."
"But you didn't tell anyone!" She looked up at him, blinking, her eyes bright. "Is that why you stopped going to church near the end of high school?"
Soren grimaced and drew his chair closer to the bed. "No, I didn't tell anyone. I guess I thought…well, I'm not sure what I was thinking. No, that's not exactly true." He began to comb a hand through his tangled hair, sorting and separating the strands. He wanted to be honest with Morgan, at least.
"I felt like I was gay for a long time. But I couldn't ever really admit it to myself, you know? Even though I could say I was, to Liz and some of my other friends, and then to Sloane." He sighed and released his handful of hair, then gathered it back to tie off again. "Once I started dating Lucas, I could finally admit it to myself. I'm gay, and there's no chance I could have turned out any other way. There's nothing that caused it. There's nothing that Mom did wrong. It's just the way that I am."
"And the church?" Morgan whispered. Her knee began to jitter and she stilled it with both hands.
Soren avoided her eyes. "It's no big deal, I just…I usually work on Sundays, you know? When I'm not working, I've got stuff to do."
"You only go for Christmas and Easter, now. When you can't avoid it." Morgan leaned forward, face anxious.
Soren shrugged uncomfortably. "I used to feel as if I could believe in my faith. Now, even though Father Tim is a really relaxed and tolerant guy, there's always this awareness in the back of my head. Our church may tolerate the existence of people like me, but that's all. Besides, Mom…"
"You think Mom has trouble with it because she thinks it's a sin." Morgan was fidgeting, fingers tapping on her knees.
He ducked his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." He laced his fingers together. "I wish it didn't have to be that way, but that's the way it is. Could I trust Father Tim? Probably. But the larger church? I don't think so."
"You should talk to Father Tim." Morgan's eyes were pleading.
Soren shrugged again, his discomfort intensifying. If Father Tim's counseling involved the suggestion to give up Lucas and live celibate, those were measures he wasn't prepared to take to make either him or his mother comfortable with the person he was. Soren already knew that was the official stance of the church, and he'd been struggling with himself and the religion of his youth because of it.
"Does it bother you, Morgan?"
"No! No, Soren, no!" Morgan exclaimed. "I love you, you're my big brother. I guess the only thing I'm worried about is you not feeling right with the church. But that's not something I can do anything about."
"No," Soren agreed with a slight shake of the head. "Because there are things that won't change."
They sat together for a moment, not quite looking at one another, both of them smiling. Another one of the weights pressing down on Soren had been lifted.
Morgan tucked her feet up on the spread, making herself at home. She cocked her head. "Tell me about Lucas. I don't think I've heard of him before."
The corners of Soren's mouth tugged upward. "Was it Angie or Cassie who told you?"
"I heard them talking, but I suspected. Dennis—you know, my friend? I think he's gay too, but we've never talked about it."
"Dennis," Soren echoed, and controlled a snort. He remembered Dennis coming over with Morgan after school, and even naive as he'd been, he remembered those sidelong looks. "Yes, I remember Dennis."
Morgan caught his expression. "He is, isn't he!"
Soren grinned. "You know, he walked in on me when I was right out of the shower, one time."
"He did? I'll have to tease him."
"Don't you dare." Soren said, sobering. He remembered what it was like to be Dennis's age, wanting. Unsure what to do with it, or how to act.
Morgan leaned her elbows on her knees. "Lucas, tell me about Lucas."
"Right." Soren couldn't control the smile that took over his mouth. "He, well, he works at the same Starbucks as I do. That's how I met him." Best not to go into too much detail, there. He still wasn't sure what Claire would think if she realized that the catalyst for their relationship had been a meet-up agreed upon online.
"What's he like?"
"Gorgeous," Soren murmured.
"Am I going to get to meet him?"
"I'm sure you will." Soren frowned. Everything he had now was intense and dynamic and wonderful, but there was still that feeling of impermanence lingering in the back of his mind, a sense that he was walking on shifting sands. That what he had was too good to be true.
"What do you like about him?"
"Well, he's gorgeous. I mean, really damned good looking. It almost scared me off at first, before he proved he was interested in me. And he's confident, he can do just about anything he wants to. He's got a great sense of humor too, and he…well, he's a great kisser." Soren finished up with an abashed smile.
"He sounds perfect," Morgan said, with a little sigh. Her eyes were alight. "I can't wait to meet him."
"What, so you can get a crush on him too?"
"Don't be silly!" Morgan said, rocking back, hugging her knees to
her chest. She grinned. "Well, I dunno, if he's as gorgeous and cool as you say, maybe I won't be able to help myself. After all, my big brother Soren fell for him."
Soren smiled briefly. "Yeah, I did."
"Are you in love with him?"
He closed his eyes. "I…" That admission was harder. He swallowed. "Yeah, I think so."
"Don't you just know?"
"It's more complicated than that, squirt." Soren stood and brushed a hand over her glossy hair, moving past her for the duffel spilling half its contents on his bed. "They say that you just know, when you're in love. But it's scary too. Admitting something so huge. When you're in a relationship and there's all these things going on, pinning down what you feel for that person…it isn't always easy."
He turned, tucking the last of his dirty laundry in the bag by the door. "Saying you love someone, that's no problem. Being in love and meaning it…well." He grinned, dredging up the very words Lucas had said to him. "I believe in love. And I believe that it isn't always easy."
Morgan frowned. "That's not a very satisfying answer."
"Maybe not, but that's what you get sometimes." Soren settled back in his chair, feeling oddly at peace. It might sound indecisive but it was how he felt right now.
"Okay." Morgan turned this over in her head. She tilted her head at him again. "So, Soren, are there any good books I can read? That have gay characters in them? I mean, like fiction or anything, whatever."
"What for?" Soren frowned at her. He could just imagine their mother's reaction to finding one of those in Morgan's back-pack. He'd had enough trouble squirreling away his copies when he was reading them for himself.
"I want to know more about being gay," Morgan replied, as if it were a matter of course.
Now Soren leveled her with a bullshit-cutting kind of glance. "Morgan, is there something I should know?"
"No!" Morgan was looking at her hands now, flushing. "I don't know! That's the whole point, I want to know more. Okay?"
"Okay. I've got a few fantasy novels you can start on." He thought he had just the trilogy in mind for a beginning.
Once he'd sent Morgan off with a stack of books, Soren turned back to his desk. Less than an hour until dinner, and there was serious work to be done…especially considering he had an opening shift the next day. With a sigh, he turned off his wireless.