From the Inside Out

by Talya Andor

  "I don't know." Soren looked distressed. "I didn't think I was important enough to hate." He ducked his head.

  Lucas smiled at him. Yeah, Soren felt that way…but even when he'd tried to fade into the background, he had some definite charms. Now that he was coming out of his shell, his personality and good looks were more obvious every day. Lucas was in a position now to appreciate that. "Well, he sure doesn't like you, not now that you're associating with me anyhow…"

  "Oh, he's been an asshole to me since before you and I started dating."

  Lucas raised a brow. "Was there just one incident that started him off, or has he always—"

  "He always—" Soren began, and cut off, frowning. "He…wait, no…I remember he was really nice to me, at first. Charming, the way he is with customers."

  Lucas leaned forward. "Well, what happened?"

  "Well…He invited me over to his place one afternoon. It was totally random. I turned him down, because, well." Soren gave a self-deprecating shrug. "A week later, he asked if I wanted to catch a movie I had mentioned I wanted to see, but I had too much homework so I said 'no' again."

  Lucas groaned. "That's it." He rubbed the base of Soren's thumb with his own. "He was asking you out, you realize. And he wanted you bad, if he bothered to ask twice."

  "Huh? Me?" Soren blinked, and shook his head. "You're kidding, right? I mean, this is Aaron we're talking about."

  Lucas laughed, unable to help himself. "Think of it as a compliment. I mean, come on, Aaron's really picky, you know."

  "Still…" Soren sighed, and now he squeezed down on Lucas's hand. "That doesn't make it any better, does it?"

  "No," Lucas agreed. "We just keep our heads down until someone gets fired."

  Soren's fingers tried to pull away. "And if it's one of us…?"

  "We'll deal with it when we get there," Lucas replied, tightening his grip.

  "Right." Soren looked skeptical, but picked up his sandwich one-handed to dig into his untouched lunch at last. "Want me to stick around campus until you get off class?"

  "I wanna skip class," Lucas said around a fry. "Naw, you can wait at the apartment. I'll give you my key."

  Soren looked at him with those intense blue eyes. "And Jack?"

  Lucas's jaw flexed. "Ignore him. He's just doing it to get a rise out of us."

  "Well, it's working."

  In Lucas's peripheral vision a leggy brunette was approaching from the right, and he looked up. "Anna. Uh, hi."

  "I was going to ask if I could join you," Anna said brightly, looking at him, then Soren, then her eyes flickered over their joined hands. "I guess, um, three's a crowd, though. I…uh…" She took a deep breath.

  "Anna, this is Soren," Lucas said with a nod. He paused a beat. It was the moment of truth. "He's my boyfriend."

  "Uh, hi!" Anna said, turning a smile on Soren. It faltered. She reinforced it.

  "Soren, this is Anna. She's in my accounting class."

  "Nice to meet you," Soren said, giving her a reserved smile.

  Right. Lucas breathed. Not a complete disaster. All at once he was glad he hadn't mentioned his most recent proposition to Soren; things were tense enough.

  "You can sit if you want, but—" Lucas began, thoughts working around an offered explanation of upcoming class.

  "Oh, no, it's all right!" Anna said hastily. "I just thought…well…good luck, Lucas." She bobbed her head and retreated.

  Soren looked after her with a speculative expression, then his steady blue eyes returned to Lucas.

  "Don't say it," Lucas entreated, almost a groan.

  "You're a real chick magnet, you know that?" Soren said, a broad grin spreading across his normally solemn features.

  "It's what I get for a misspent youth," Lucas replied, affecting an attitude copped from his father. He dropped the expression, rubbing over Soren's palm with his thumb. "Does it bother you?"

  Soren looked at their joined hands for a moment. "Only some of the time," he said, and made a face. "Like this morning. That was pretty shitty. I mean…It played right into my insecurities. That's all I'm gonna say."

  Lucas tugged on Soren's hand. "I'm serious about you, okay? "

  Soren's fingers tightened on his. "That's good," he replied with a smile, "because I feel the same way."

  *~*~*

  Cheek to palm, Soren scanned over the page of his history text with a frown. He had leafed through several pages now, scanning information but not absorbing it. His mind was at a disconnect, not parsing a single sentence of the text he skimmed. His mind was on something else.

  There's nothing we can do.

  The screwed-up situation with the store, that morning, the phone call from Sloane…and Aaron, who'd been a bastard to him for nearly two years now… He wanted you. Soren gave up with a sigh and pushed his book away, disgusted.

  Soren knew he was introverted to the point of being considered antisocial. To completely miss Aaron's interest in him, though—that he couldn't believe. Scrutinizing the memory of that time, he could vaguely remember he'd ascribed it to friendliness. When Aaron had begun to act vicious as he did with most of the store staff, Soren had withdrawn, until Sloane had pulled him out of his shell with her offer of genuine friendship.

  There's nothing we can do. But was that true?

  Danice would want him to tell her if he'd remembered something like that. Still, would she believe him at this point?

  Soren slapped his history textbook closed and piled it on the jumble of miscellaneous homework that awaited his attention. Great idea, to do his homework in Lucas's empty apartment while he waited for Lucas to come home. In practice, concentration eluded him.

  He called the store, trying to remember the schedule. Would it be Danice or Michelle? Either way, he thought, this piece of remembrance was worth noting.

  "St. Johns Starbucks, may I help you?"

  Aaron. Soren pushed back the immediate sense of loathing that hit him. "This is Soren," he said into the phone, suddenly nervous. "Is Michelle or Danice there?"

  "You think it'll do you any good?"

  "Wha—"

  Hold music flooded his ear, leaving him stammering and angry. Aaron's tone had been so smug, so vengeful, there was no doubt in his mind anymore that the shift super was after him.

  "Danice here."

  Soren was still boiling over, but he managed to speak up. "Danice? It's Soren."

  "Hi, Soren." Her tone was neutral, unreadable.

  "Look…I…" Anxious again, Soren tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Remembered something that seemed kind of odd, not recently but from when I first started."

  "Oh? What's that?"

  "Aaron started out being really nice to me, friendly."

  "Aaron?"

  "Yeah, you can ask Sloane if you like. She would remember," Soren continued, wanting to say his piece and be done. "He asked me out a couple of times, I mean, to his place and out to a movie. When I turned him down, he got…"

  "He got mean."

  "Yeah," Soren said, and looked down at his bare feet. "Anyhow, I don't know if it makes any difference but I thought I should mention it."

  "Don't worry," Danice said, and there was a prickle of hesitation on the line. She inhaled. "Michelle's made her decision, I think."

  "Oh."

  "I'll see you tomorrow, Soren."

  "Yeah, bye."

  He ended the call and pondered the terse interchanges of their conversation. I'll see you tomorrow had felt ominous; she'd known without looking that he would be in. There was nothing else he could do about it, though.

  Switching from history to English provided some relief from tedium even if his concentration wasn't the sharpest, but it was a welcome distraction when the click of the door let him know someone was home.

  "Thank God it's you," Soren said as Lucas gave him a smile and a wave and pulled his boots off at the door. "I think I could've just about thrown a book at Jack if he'd come in and dished out more crap."

  Lucas
laughed. "Feeling violent?" He crossed the room, loomed over Soren in the chair, tangled fingers in the unbound length of Soren's hair, and tugged softly. "You know, I think you're a lot more outgoing than you were just a bit ago." He held out his hand, an offer to urge Soren to his feet.

  "Oh, I'm not any less of a naive recluse," Soren said, giving him a half-smile, accepting Lucas's hand but not yet getting to his feet. "You just know me better, that's all."

  "Point." Lucas's fingers stroked through his hair, gentle, sifting through minute tangles.

  "I have to go home tonight. I have the car."

  "We could drop it off at your house and I could bring you back here," Lucas suggested, and sighed. He dropped a kiss on Soren's forehead, bent further and kissed his mouth. "No, I don't think I want to make your mother hate me that much more."

  "She doesn't hate you."

  "She just wishes I wasn't in your life."

  That got Soren to his feet and he wrapped his arms around Lucas's lanky body. After pause for consideration, he slid a hand up underneath his sweater, seeking the reassurance of skin contact. "My opinion matters more."

  Lucas's mouth quirked in a small smile before lips pressed down on him, taking advantage of closeness. Hands stroked down his body from shoulder to hip, drawing him into the sway of Lucas's body as they kissed slow and deep, tongues chasing the warm connection between them back and forth. "You feel so good," Lucas whispered.

  "You gonna debauch me?" Soren asked, eyeing the tempting swell of Lucas's lower lip. He flexed his fingers on the skin of Lucas's back and slid them into the waistband of Lucas's jeans. He couldn't get enough, this closeness, the sizzle them, and was glad that Lucas seemed to feel the same way.

  In answer, Lucas hooked fingers through Soren's belt loops and kissed him harder, drawing him forward in the apartment.

  "Wait, no—the couch—"

  "If Jack walks in on us and doesn't like it, he can damn well go fuck himself," Lucas growled, and nibbled his way toward the hinge of Soren's jaw. "I swear, I've walked in on him enough times…"

  It's not the same.

  Lucas's hand was low on his back and his other hand released Soren's belt loop, grabbing the front of his jeans instead, tugging him forward with a vital sort of thrill.

  They tumbled onto the couch, bodies fitting together, Soren collapsing onto Lucas's chest and settling. "I love you," Soren said, squirming until their bodies were flush and he wasn't grinding so uncomfortably onto bones and angles. Now that he could admit it, he wanted to test it out.

  Lucas smiled up at him, thumb stroking along his cheekbone, brushing back a dark wing of hair. "Me too."

  Their kisses were exploring, almost tentative after the certainty of the other day. Soren was wrapped up in the taste of him, the smell, and in the landscape of Lucas beneath his wandering hand. They shifted together on the couch, searching for the best fit. Lucas opened a leg, and Soren settled between his thighs, groaning against his throat.

  "Sex on the couch?" Soren muttered, stretching to nibble an earlobe, hands pushing up Lucas's sweater to expose more warm pale skin.

  "Mm…" Lucas clasped his neck, stretched up against him. "Why not? "

  Soren leaned in and licked the vein that ran down the side of Lucas's neck.

  "Shut up and kiss me. All we've been doing is working and going to class and being good. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. Good feels and fun, that's what it's all about."

  With a chuckle, Soren bent his head to the task. His hair slithered over his shoulders, veiling them in fragrant darkness. Lucas's mouth was energetic against his, spurring Soren to forget propriety and enjoy the immediacy of pleasure.

  The door banged open like a shot. Soren jerked, pulling his mouth from Lucas's with a gasp. Lucas, on the other hand, tightened his grip and wouldn't let him shift more than a millimeter.

  "Jesus, couldn't get to a bed, or what?" The door slammed shut and a high-pitched giggle trailed on the heels of Jack's words.

  Now Lucas sat up, tumbling Soren onto the cushion beside him. He slid an arm around Soren's waist, rested his chin on Soren's shoulder. "Does it matter? If I recall correctly, this is Brandon's couch, and all of us have made out on it at one time or another."

  Soren gathered his hair back with one hand, averting his eyes out of some mix of self-consciousness or embarrassment, hard for him to say which. He could tell out of the corner of his eye that the same girl had tagged along with Jack, the one from that morning.

  "Hi, Lucas," the girl cooed.

  They both looked at her. She was pretty, in a beauty magazine sort of way; she looked like a dozen brunettes on campus. Her lips were glossy pink and her eyes were shaded blue so heavily he could imagine a snarky comment or two from Sloane.

  Her eyes turned Soren's way and hardened. Her mouth thinned to a mean line.

  "Yeah, well, next time get a room," Jack said, his voice loud. "I told you before, no one wants to see that shit."

  The arm around Soren went wire-taut, though Lucas said nothing as Jack moved off, dragging the girl by the hand.

  "Don't be a Jack-ass," she told him, and giggled madly as if it were the first invention of the pun. "Bye, Lucas." She wiggled pink-polished fingertips at him, and then they were gone.

  Deeper in the apartment, a door banged shut.

  "That was the one?" Soren asked.

  "Uh, yeah." He could feel Lucas's wince. "I wasn't making good choices at the time. And I'm sure the same could be said for choosing me."

  "Well? Should we move it to the bedroom?"

  "I thought we should." Soren leaned in to nuzzle his neck. "I told you we should…"

  As they headed down the hallway thumps and squeals issued from the first door to the right, followed by grunting and the steady rattle of a headboard smacking the wall. Soren arched his brows at Lucas as they passed, who tugged at his hand and gave him a grin.

  "We'll just have to try and outdo them for noise, shall we?"

  "Ugh. There's not going to be any noise at all, on our end. They're putting me off." He knew Lucas might label him a prude for it, but he just couldn't be comfortable when he was hearing someone else having their fun.

  Lucas gave him a grin and pulled him into his room. He turned his music on and shot a questioning glance on Soren.

  "Well…So long as it's loud enough we can't hear them…"

  Lucas cranked the music and Soren followed him to the bed with a grin.

  Seventeen

  Soren woke up the next day with his stomach in knots, keenly aware of the axe hanging over his head, and disgruntled at himself for being put out that he woke up in his own bed and not Lucas's.

  He didn't specifically set out to have a bad morning but the mood he woke with became its own self-fulfilling prophecy as he picked a fight with his mother over something trivial and bickered with his sisters in the car until Angie informed him he was being a real ass. When he reached campus he stashed himself into a corner of the library to try and avoid further trouble. He was facing down the barrel of a long day, the prospect of getting fired without cause, and he was having second thoughts about his degree again. Or did that make them third thoughts? No matter how many times he reconsidered it, he was having trouble reconciling the homework that he did with an actual skill set that would help him in the workplace, like being a manager or working the line.

  That put him on an uncomfortable train of thought for what people did with an English degree. All he could think of was going to Japan and doing JET for a few years. Soren put his head to one side. Would Lucas want to move to Japan, even temporarily?

  His schedule was at complete cross odds with Lucas's that day. Lucas worked in the morning, he worked in the evening. Soren was consumed with worry that he'd get fired before he went to work, or Lucas might. He shoved his phone into his bag when he found himself checking it way more than the actual school work he was supposed to be finishing. Couldn't bring himself to turn it off, but it was at least out of sight.r />
  By the time he was finished with classes and as much studying as he could fit in for the day, he was in a pretty foul mood. He'd texted back and forth with Lucas but there was no new information there.

  Management isn't on the schedule this morning, just the shift super, so…uh, me?

  They would have let you know something by now, wouldn't they? Soren was quick to text back.

  Lucas's reply had come back more slowly. Maybe. Probably not, if it involves a personnel decision and you. They know we're dating now, remember?

  This sucks, Soren fretted. Who's shift super when I get in? I forget. He was hoping it was Ray or Danice.

  Aaron. Sorry.

  For the first time, Soren contemplated calling in sick. The prospect of working with Aaron that afternoon certainly had his stomach roiling.

  You have the car or you need a ride? That text from Lucas reached him as he was packing up to leave campus. On days when he didn't have the car, he used to walk to the store, or take the bus if it had been a long day.

  Soren grinned as he replied to that one. Angie has the car, I could use a ride. Seeing Lucas would be a welcome balm for the rest of his day.

  "I can stay for a while if you want," Lucas offered when Soren climbed into the Lexus.

  Soren wrinkled his nose. "What, like I can't take care of myself?"

  Lucas took his hands off the wheel, holding them up in a defensive position. "Not what I was saying at all."

  Soren sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He pulled the band off his wrist and shaped his hair into a low ponytail, tying it back. He would have to do that for work soon enough. "Sorry. I've been kind of a bitch with everyone today."

  "I wouldn't have put it that way, but—"

  "Heh. I would." Soren didn't consider it a negative gendered insult and his sisters had slung it at him often enough. "Won't Aaron give you a hard time if you stay at the store after you drop me off?"

  "Fuck him," Lucas said. "I've got a right to be there. I have homework to do. If I buy a drink he has no grounds to complain."

  "And you can keep an eye on him," Soren said. That wasn't the only thought that occurred to him. There would be more witnesses if Aaron put up any kind of attitude.