Prom Impossible

by Laura Pauling

  With that, he grabbed his briefcase, laid out our counseling times for the next few months, and then left. Zeke was the first to speak.

  “I was a total jerk the last day of camp. As I’ve been told, I was feeling the stress and took it out on you.”

  “Sure, no problem.” A part of me felt relieved that we wouldn’t have to spend hours rehashing that last day. That fight was the least of my problems.

  Sweat broke out as my pulse increased. I mean, Zeke was at my school! He’d meet my friends and I’d see him every day. If everyone figured out I’d outright lied about my incredible romance with him, it would be disastrous on so many levels.

  He broke into my thoughts. “Yeah, but I was still a jerk. Maybe we can be friends?”

  I considered his words, and I didn’t fully understand his intention or the sudden flip in his attitude toward me. This friendship just couldn’t happen, even if a part of me wanted it. I shot up from chair, almost knocking it over.

  “Gosh, you don’t want to be friends with me. I’m not like other girls and who knows maybe that’s my problem? I don’t fit the mold. I never have. I see life differently. From a perspective that’s all my own.” I backed up toward the door, catching my breath. “You’d be much better off making other friends.” What I didn’t say was that I didn’t really believe his apology. He obviously couldn’t stand me, so I had no idea why he was pretending to want to be my friend.

  “I told you. I’m sorry.” His voice sounded hard, like his emotions were walking a line too. “Anyway, I like all that about you.”

  I laughed out loud. “You don’t have to pretend to like me to clear your conscience. I forgive you, okay? Now you can sleep again at night.” At the door, I turned. “And as far as you and me, no one will know we met at the Adventure Program.” I thought about the lies I’d let him believe about me. He thought I was rich. He thought I was a cheerleader. “I have to go to cheer practice.” Then I slammed the door.

  I guess I was going to try out for cheerleading.

  I whirled around only to crash into another student. Of course, the way my day was going it was no surprise that it was Michael. His books crashed to the floor, and he spluttered an apology. Then he saw me.

  I stared at him, hard and convincing. “Don’t worry. I’m not stalking you. And for the record, you crashed into me.”

  I stormed off to become the best cheerleader this school had ever seen.

  Chapter 10

  I’m sure cheerleading is a complicated sport, an art in and of itself, not something to be taken lightly. Jules takes cheerleading as seriously as Carter takes dating girls.

  The best way to approach a delicate matter like convincing my cousin to use her influence with the coach to get me on the squad was to observe first and then come up with a plan of attack. I crawled under the bleachers, under the stringy cobwebs and among the littered trash, and peered between the seats.

  The first time a girl was thrown up in the air with a straddle-jump-leap-thing where her legs went higher than her hips, I felt woozy. Spots appeared, and I had to crouch and get my breathing under control. The last thing I wanted to do was pass out under the bleachers, knock myself out on a rock and not be found for days.

  I was not made for anything that contorted the body into strange positions. When we were younger, every time Carter and I played Twister, I lost big time. Carter should be the one trying out for cheerleading—it could be his upgraded method of getting girls. No doubt it would work for him.

  I stood, daring to peek out again. All I saw were flips and jumps and straight, jerky movements. But at a closer look it was the same girls being thrown and doing the flip things. Some stayed on the fringes just doing the cheers. That could be me.

  Sucking it up and reminding myself of all that was at stake—like my reputation—I strolled out onto the field and stood close to Jules. She didn’t notice me at first, but some of the girls did, like Ava, and they nodded to Jules. When she turned and saw me, the look on her face told me everything. She strode over.

  She tried to smile. “I’m in the middle of practice.”

  “I’d like to try out for cheering.”

  She grabbed my arm and gently led me away from the girls. “Tryouts were two weeks before school started. We have our team.”

  I don’t know what came over me. Maybe a day of seeing Michael drool all over Elena had pushed me over the edge. Maybe it was because Zeke was at the school and I had the sudden compulsion to cheer. I figured this one small favor was nothing compared to the huge favor I’d done for her last spring, and I’d pay the consequences for that probably forever. I’d lost Michael. Elena and I were walking on a tightrope. One wrong move and I’d fall into the abyss called Loserville, where I had no friends and I’d permanently eat lunch outside, even in the winter.

  I took a deep breath, mustering all the courage I had. “You’re the one who always encourages me to step up and try to fit in. You’re the one who said last summer you were willing to pay back the favor. Well, this is a first step. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

  “This is about prom somehow?” She crossed her arms across her chest.

  I squirmed. “Prom is just a small part. I also want to change. Meet new people.”

  She sighed, glancing back at her friends, her face paler than usual. “I’m more than happy to help, you know that, but don’t you think this is going a little too far?”

  “It’s my last chance. It’s our senior year.”

  We were in a draw, staring at each other, a lifetime of memories flashing between us. All the times we hung out at family events. All the times we were more like best friends.

  “I can’t make the final decision, and Coach isn’t here.” She sighed. “Practice with us today, and I’ll talk to Coach for you.”

  ***

  I knocked on the door of the guidance room two days later. After a long and enlightening conversation with my parents I came to one conclusion. I didn’t have a choice but to sit through these sessions, but I didn’t have to like it and I didn’t have to cooperate.

  “Come on in.”

  I waltzed in and sat down, a stone-cold maiden from a fantasy novel who would keep all her secrets under a layer of ice. I stared ahead, trying to ignore the dark, mysterious eyes next to me, pulling me in. Never mind the snug-fitting black T-shirt.

  Mr. Grabowski got started right away, lecturing long and hard about responsibility in this day and age. I was almost falling asleep and out of my chair, when he stood. “Time for you two to talk.” He gathered his papers. “I’ll be in the other room.”

  After he left, we sat in silence.

  This time I broke it. I couldn’t help but ask one tiny question. Harmless really. “So all the girls falling over themselves to get to know the new guy? The mysterious bad boy?”

  He chuckled and did the hair flip thing. “Is that what they’re saying?”

  I snorted. “Like you don’t know.”

  He shrugged. “Not really. I don’t care about those kinds of things.” He shifted in his chair and redirected the conversation at the same time. “How has school been for you?”

  “Fine.” Who was I kidding? Totally stunk so far. In the past two days, I’d gone out for a sport I hate, and the guy I was totally in love with was in love with my friend.

  Zeke leaned forward, his greenish-brown eyes focused on me. “I don’t buy for one second that a million different thoughts aren’t whirling through your head right now.”

  “Don’t think you know me just because you spent six weeks with me.”

  “You’d be amazed at everything I figured out about you during all those trust activities. You were like an open book.” He lowered his voice. “By week three we were all pretty vulnerable.”

  “Why don’t you tell me about you then, Mr. Vulnerable?”

  His eyes flickered over me, questioning. “I’d rather focus on you.”

  “No thanks.” Even though my stomach did this st
range flutter thing. “I really have nothing to share.”

  “How’s cheering going for you?” He smirked like he knew my secret, but he couldn’t, could he?

  “I love cheering. It’s fantastic. Live for it.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I bet. Seems to fit the profile of the snooty rich girl who has to suffer from having so much money.”

  I ignored him the rest of the time, tapping my fingers against the arm of the chair. Each tense second felt like an eternity until our session was over, and then I booked it out of there.

  ***

  I hated every minute of cheerleading. The Coach agreed to give me a trial period, but only because Jules was captain, and a girl had dropped out before school had started. The next two weeks were pure torture. Jules acknowledged my presence but was so focused on the team that she had no time for hand-holding.

  I’ll be honest: I was a terrible cheerleader and I hadn’t been this sore in forever. I hobbled through the halls while trying to explain why I’d put myself through this to Elena.

  “Since when did you become a cheerleader?” Elena cast me a questioning look. “Is this another side effect of your summer experience?”

  All I wanted to do was break down and sob and spill the truth about everything. “I’m just trying new things, experimenting. Trying to be a more well-rounded person.”

  Elena snorted. “Have fun with that.”

  After that conversation it wasn’t brought up again. She tolerated me because we’d been friends forever. Sitting in the cafeteria and hearing the laughter and the chatter, in the midst of a sea of students, just like me, made me feel alone. Like a wall divided me from everyone and everything I knew.

  Zeke followed through and acted like he didn’t know me. He seemed to buy that I was a cheerleader, but I wondered if it was all worth it.

  It was after a particular miserable cheering experience where I blanked out on the cheer and stumbled through it, copying the movements, but always a step behind that I sank into an oblivion of depression. That night after dinner, when my parents settled into their reading and murmured conversations—probably about me—I sneaked outside. My feet remembered the path and I stopped at the edge of Michael’s yard.

  There’d be no stargazing or excited whispered conversations through the window or re-enactments. I sank down against a tree, watching and staring at the darkened room where Michael spent most of his time. We’d spent many evenings together—or had it just seemed like a lot to me? I remembered every look, expression, and twitch of his lips. Had I imagined his feelings? I couldn’t have, but I think he liked to pretend they never existed after I got in trouble with the cops.

  I had hours invested in Michael. All the nights I’d spent daydreaming, all the conversations I had with my goldfish, and all the planning that went into our meet-ups. A part of me didn’t want to—couldn’t—let go.

  The blackness swirled about me. It whispered to keep trying. It nudged me not to quit now. As sure as the owl hooting in the tree goes after its prey—okay scratch that because this was not a predator/prey thing—as sure as the stars twinkled across the heavenly canvas, Michael and I weren’t over forever. We couldn’t be.

  I’d have to earn back his respect, make him care about me. See me in a new light.

  Chapter 11

  My ultimate plan of earning back my spot as the twinkle in Michael’s eye was harder than I thought it would be, especially when Elena seemed to be judging my every word and move. I longed for the days when Michael sat on the fringes of my circle of friends instead of right in the middle. But no, now I had to watch what I said, smile at the appropriate times, and squeeze in cool Lord of the Rings facts whenever possible. Every time Michael nudged me to the side so he could walk with Elena, I was absolutely crushed.

  Afternoons didn’t help either. I spent time squatting, jumping, leaping, pretending to be a peppy cheerleader. And pretending that the feigned indifference that Jules’s friends, especially Ava, showed me didn’t affect me.

  I caught Jules after practice one day. “Hey, sorry I always gave you a hard time about cheering. It’s hard work.”

  A small half-smile crept onto her face. She released her ponytail so her hair fell in bouncy waves around her. “We know that most don’t get it. That’s why Ava and I ignore the taunts from girls who are just jealous.”

  “Why are you even friends with her?”

  She blew air out of her mouth at the same time her bag fell off her shoulder. The perfect image of Jules cracked a bit since it was just the two of us. “She’s not that bad.”

  I tapped my foot on the pavement of parking lot. “Yes. She is.”

  She sighed and threw her stuff in the back seat. Leaning against the car, she said, “You know you’re my best friend. But you also know that Ava is too. It’s just the way it is. I wish it were different, but you wouldn’t want to be friends with her anyway.”

  “Why are you, if she’s such a rotten person?”

  “Cassidy.” She tried to flash me the message just by saying my name and the cold, hard look that settled on her face.

  “I’m serious. What do you see in her?” What I couldn’t admit was that over the summer Jules and Ava had drawn even closer. And there was nothing I could do about it.

  She grabbed my hand. “Do we have to talk about this?”

  “Probably not, but might as well answer.”

  “Fine. You don’t see all the sides to Ava. I know she can be a little mean, but she deals with a lot and has been heavily influenced by her parents just like we have been.”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  “My turn for a question. Why did you go out for cheering?”

  I wanted to stammer out the truth about camp and Zeke, but the words choked in my throat. “Well, you know, it’s my senior year and I wanted to round out my experience for college applications.” She eyed me with a blank look so I kept rambling. “At camp we learned to see past stereotypes and not to judge, so I thought the best way to understand the life of a cheerleader was to live it.”

  “Fine. Whatever. You proved a point.” Her eyes pierced mine, determination marking her face. “You’ve probably done that at this point. If you’re not enjoying the experience, you can always quit. No one will hold it against you.”

  I stood in the parking lot long after she’d left, her words stirring thoughts, creating ideas, sparking a plan to solve my problems.

  Someone tapped my shoulder. “Hey there.”

  I whirled around, sucking in a breath, hoping it was Michael. “Oh, hi.”

  Zeke rubbed his jaw. “How’ve you been? I mean, outside of our support group.”

  “Good, I guess.” I gripped my backpack.

  “You’re not even going to ask how my school year is going?” He stuck his hands into his pockets. “Or how I’m managing a new school?”

  “Sounds like you’re doing fine. Maybe we can talk more later. Okay?” I shuffled away, toward Mom’s van. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I missed hanging with him everyday. But if I opened myself up to a conversation right now, I’d end up spilling everything. I was tired, confused, and feeling some major teenage girl angst.

  He caught up in a second. “Are you going to homecoming?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there.” Gosh, I didn’t sound very excited. I added some pep to my voice. “I’m a cheerleader.”

  “Right. I remember.” He coughed and covered up what sounded like a laugh.

  “What?”

  “Oh, nothing.” He kicked a stone and sent it flying across the parking lot. “Wanna grab a cup of coffee somewhere?”

  This guy was killing me. Everything in me screamed to say yes. Go out. Grab a chance to hang with a friend and forget about life. But what if Elena or someone else saw us together? She’d pick apart my lies in no time. My entire life would unravel. What if in a moment of awkward silence I rambled on about the fact that I hate cheering? Or that my family had no money? I’d lose him as
a friend, and I didn’t want that.

  “How about hot chocolate then? Or just hang at your house?” He persisted.

  I stopped and faced him, noticing the way the afternoon shadows hit the scruff on his chin and shadowed his face. I could see why the girls fell for him even though he wasn’t your classic good-looker. “I’m sorry. I’m the last person you want to spend time with right now.”

  I kept walking, giving the clear impression this conversation was done.

  He grabbed the end of my coat, teasing, but keeping me from leaving. “Hey, I’ll see you next session, okay?”

  I tugged my coat out of his grasp. “Definitely.”

  This time he let me go.

  ***

  Zeke’s arrival at school sure made things a pain in the butt for me. So far, he hadn’t seen through my half-truths. If he had, he wasn’t saying anything. He saw me in my cheerleader outfit on game days. All in all, I was living out a pretty good cover. The most important aspect being that my friends didn’t realize Zeke was my summer loverboy.

  My mom’s van, which somehow I’d miraculously convinced her to let me drive, sputtered to a spot in front of my house. My parents weren’t home yet—and Carter was never home after school but often off on one of his many dating conquests.

  So why was the front door wide open, drifting back and forth in the breeze?

  I stepped out and immediately rubbed my arms from the chill. Leaves skittered across the road, their scraping sound making me jump. I grabbed my key, the sharpest and only weapon I had. On silent feet, I tiptoed up to the door and slowly peeked inside. I shuddered from the creeped-out feeling that fell over me.

  Home is a safe place, a shelter, a hideout from the storms of high school and friends and boys and cheerleading. I entered the living room. Everything looked in its place, the plaid couch and matching chair, the antique coffee table, but a feeling hung in the room. It clouded my senses and stirred up fear.

  With my pointy key pinched between my fingers and up and ready to strike, I slipped through the downstairs, whipping open closet doors and jumping into the rooms, ready to defend myself. I’d jab the key right into their eye.