by Leaona Luxx
Chapter Twelve
Creed
"Not that I had a plan, but if I did, this wouldn't have been the one I picked." I groan as I kick the ground, wanting it to be my own ass for even thinking this was a good idea. At some point, I need to go with my gut.
I shut the door, walking through to the kitchen. Doc trots over to me, happy I'm back. I hate making her walk more than she has to right now, so I left her with Kathryn. She's getting spoiled.
"Hey, baby."
"Did you forget her food?"
I close my eyes, sighing. "In the car, I'll run back out in a minute."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I hesitate. I'm just not there yet with her, so I hold back. "I think I might run over to Boone's. Any idea if he's in town?"
"Funny you should ask; he's coming over for dinner. Craw and I thought you might like to visit with people your age and not just us oldies." Her eyes light up when she smiles. A warm sensation fills my chest. She's a beautiful woman, who obviously doesn’t realize her own strength.
"Nice, thank you." I turn to go grab Doc's food but stop at the door. "Kathryn, I appreciate the effort you've put into my being here."
"Always, Creed."
I want to say more, but I'm not quite ready to open up. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing or not how the old me would say it. Then again, what do I know about who I used to be? Kathryn and Crawford have to realize something's up for me to have come back this soon. And that makes me feel like shit.
After I feed Doc, I freshen up and get ready for dinner. I asked Kathryn if I could help, but she had everything under control. I'm a little nervous, I've never met my cousin's wife or his children. Boone's been to visit me several times, it'll be good to see him.
I join Crawford on the deck, where he's tending to the grill. "Hey, Craw. Kathryn seems to have everything under control, I was wondering if you needed an extra set of hands."
"I sure can," he points to the outdoor fridge. "there's a beer in there that needs to be in your hands."
"I guess I should be polite and say thank you." He laughs. "Can I get you one?"
"I do have a free hand."
I grab two, handing him one before opening mine and sitting across from him. "I'm a little excited to talk with Boone this evening."
"Yeah, Kathryn thought you might enjoy having some time with him."
"Just so you know, I'm okay with just visiting y'all."
He chuckles. "Those 'y'all's' are coming naturally now. I like it."
"Kinda like the asshole's said it his whole life, right?" I spin in my seat, pleased to hear Boone behind me. Offering him my hand, but he comes in for a hug. I forgot he's a hugger.
"Dude! Why do you insist on hugging?"
He slaps my back, laughing. "Mainly because I like to watch you gag a little every time, and I know they won't make you."
"Well how about that, you don't know it all. Mom hugs me all the time." The words spill from my mouth before I can stop them, as natural as the day is long. But the look on Kathryn's face is worth everything. "I meant to say, Kathryn, I suppose both apply."
"Naw, the baby has come home." Boone wraps his arm around my head, pulling me into a headlock.
"Would you control yourself?" A gorgeous blonde pops him in the back of the head. "All you talk about is wanting to hang with him, and when you do, you pick on him. Hey, Creed. I'm so happy to meet you."
"I'm assuming you're Mackenzie, and that you're insane for marrying him, let alone procreating with him." I stand, kissing her on the cheek.
She returns my gesture with a snicker. "I'm here to tell you, it's a strong woman that can resist one of The Hatcher Boys."
"Odd, that's the second time I've heard that while here. There's only three of us, how much trouble can we cause?"
"Rush causes enough for all of us." Boone punches my leg. "So, who was the other person to bring it up?"
I glance around, making sure no one is listening. "Care to take a walk?"
"Let me get a beer." He grabs a drink, kissing Mackenzie. "We'll be right back, then you can school him in corn hole."
She winks. "You got it, babe."
Boone follows me out of the back gate and onto the beach. He gives me space, as he always has since I met him a few years ago. He came as soon as I was stateside with Crawford and Kathryn.
"Last week, I came down for a few days, and Doc got hurt."
"Yeah, Aunt Kathryn mentioned something. Is she doing okay?"
I watch the surf roll in and onto the beach, it's so relaxing. "She's doing great, thanks to the vet that helped her."
"Oh, you took her to a vet here?" His face crumples.
"I did, I was hoping to ask you about her, but I ran into her at the store earlier, I don't think she likes me much. Do you know her?"
He takes a swig from his bottle, staring straight ahead. "Depends on whom she is, there are several veterinarians around here."
"Scarlet. Scarlet Morgan." I pause. "I was thrown when I saw her and her daughter."
"You met Emmie?" He's full-blown frowning now.
"What in the hell is that about?"
He raises his brows. "What?"
"That face you're making, is she crazy or something?"
"Or something will work." He scruffs his hand over his face. "She and Emmie have been through a lot; life hasn't been so good to them."
"I feel that, man. Deep."
He shakes his head, turning on me. "Unless you plan on staying around, leave them alone. They've lost so much in life; it wouldn't be fair to either of them."
"With all the shit I have going on in here," I tap my head. "there's no way I can handle a relationship. Especially one with a child."
His head lulls. "You've been totally against dating for a long time, why now?"
"I guess for the same reason I'm here," I say with a shrug. "I keep feeling like something is missing. I'm wondering if it's here."
"Do you remember me telling you about my time in California?" He cranes his neck, looking back toward the house.
"Yeah, it was one of your first stories. I was thrilled you talked about anything other than childhood memories."
He turns, watching his wife laugh. "I knew I belonged here, but I couldn't bring myself to come home. Kenzie wasn't here; I felt lost anytime I visited. But the minute she came back, fate took over, and there was no fighting it."
This sounds like my puzzles. I can't count the times I've tried to complete one, but there's a gnawing in my gut telling me it's not finished. The pieces are there, like my life, but I can't seem to put them together.
"If I'm going to believe in fate and the effect it might have on my life, I'd have to think this was supposed to happen to me. Do you think I deserve this?" I swallow hard, waiting on his response. In all fairness, this is nothing I don't wonder about myself.
"If I thought that, it would mean Crawford and Kathryn deserved it too. Or I had done something to lose you the way that I have. Nothing any of us did warrant what happened, there are no justifications at all. This had nothing to do with you as a person."
"I wish I could believe that, but I can't help to wonder what happened that day. Why was I spared, and the others weren't? It haunts me day and night."
"You sound like Crawford," he shakes his head. "he blames himself for not finding you sooner."
"Seriously, he’s crazy. No one could have found me sooner."
"Being a SEAL, he knew what it would take to find you. He also understood the red tape, and being a senator, it wouldn't look so great for him to go over the heads of other people to find you."
"So, he called Jackson."
He smiles. "Yes, he called Cole Securities to go get you and bring you home."
"Wait... is that why he's not in the senate anymore?"
"And here they told us you have a brain injury." He chuckles when I flip him off.
I cross my arms, watching my parents laugh and talk. They gave up so much for me and still didn't
get their son back. They're still fighting a war they never asked to be a part of. I guess I am too, only with myself not another country this time.
"You ready to head back?"
I rub my chest, hoping the massive pain subsides. "Yep. I need to go convince your wife, I'm the best Hatcher."
"Buddy, you wouldn't be the first man to try to break us up. Besides, she knows better." He waggles his brows, taking off toward the house before it dawns on me that we're racing. I get going, hauling ass in the same direction.
"Hey! You're cheating!"
Chapter Thirteen
Scarlet
Sunday morning we wake up to a gorgeous day, and I'm looking at another long week at work. All I want to do is soak up everything with my baby. She loves pancakes, so we're off first thing this morning in search of the fluffy goodness.
I turn onto Ocean Boulevard, driving toward our favorite restaurant. The light changes, so I slow down, coming to a stop. Emmie has been a non-stop motormouth since learning her first word from Creed.
"Asshole," I mutter under my breath. The light changes, our turn is just ahead. I flip my signal light on, braking so that I can take it. Suddenly, a runner cuts me off, making me slam them to the floor.
I check on Emmie when she begins to cry before turning to glower at the jogger. He stops just beyond my SUV when I come to a screeching halt. I gape when his face comes into focus, I can't believe my eyes.
I hit the button on my window. "You!"
"I am so sorry. Are you two okay?" Creed steps toward us.
"Stop! I need to pull off the road, you idiot." I pull into the lot, rolling up my window. I climb out, walking around to Emmie to get her out. She's still whimpering from the commotion.
"Please, let me apologize. I feel horrible."
"You need to be careful; I had no view of you from the side," I growl, taking Emmie from her seat. I nestle her to my chest, soothing her.
"Again, I'm so sorry. Can I help you?" His face twists in disgust. There's a heaviness in my chest, he appears to be miserable. I can't help, even though I need to tell him to go away, that's not what comes out when I open my mouth.
"We're going in to have breakfast. Do you care to grab my bag and lock up, while I get her inside?"
His eyes gleam as his face softens. "I'll be right behind you."
"Wonderful." I sigh heavily. He's at the door before I can reach for it, holding it open. "Thanks."
"Three?" The waitress smiles as she checks Creed out.
"No."
"Yes, please." My head spins like I'm possessed, glaring at him. "I'll buy, it's the least I can do."
"Fine."
We turn back to the waitress who's smiling at Creed. "Great! Right this way, Sir."
"Oh, please." I gag a little at the way she's falling all over him. But when I glance his way, he's still staring at me. Weirdo.
"This way." His hand finds the small of my back, sending chills up my spine. Stop it, Scar. He's not what you need. I sit Emmie in the highchair, buckling her in as I do. "You amaze me with her, you're so patient."
"She's a baby, she needs me to help her."
He wrinkles his nose when she pulls out her hand, reaching for him with slobber all over her. "No, thank you."
"Emmie." He cuts his eyes at me. "Her name is Emmie."
"I've never really been around kids, just a few of my friends' children."
"I can tell."
He leans forward, whispering. "I was in a mishap while serving, I have problems connecting with people. I hope you can understand."
"What can I get y'all?" The waitress is still giving all of her attention to Creed, so I motion for him to order for us.
"We'll have..." he waits for me.
"Pancakes with a side of turkey bacon and milk."
He flashes her his mega-watt smile, and with a bat of his ridiculously long lashes, she's giddy again. "Make that three, please."
"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll get these right up and bring you some orange juice to tide you over. On the house, of course."
"How sweet." I flash him some crazy eyes. He best get the idea and runs her off.
"Thank you." She smiles, backing up into a chair all the while, Creed is all eyes on me.
"You were saying something about a mishap."
He winces. "Technically, I can't give you all the details. But yes, that's the best I can do."
"That has to be hard on all of you. I’m sorry you went through so much. I hope you're doing okay now."
"I'm fine." He waves off the conversation. "I was wondering where you went to school?"
"North Carolina State."
"I think Crawford went there. What about vet school?"
"Same place." I press my mouth into a thin line. I don't understand what he's doing here. He doesn't like kids, and I've made it clear I'm a no go for him. Maybe I should reiterate.
He's cautious, keeping an eye on Emmie's every move. "She really is the cutest baby. Well, toddler?"
"Yeah, she's a toddler. She's amazing, and such a joy. Emmie has helped me more than I have ever done for her."
"Why do you say that?"
"I was in a bad place when she came along. I-I didn't want to live, my heart was broken. It still is." I run my finger under my eye, knocking the tear away.
He scoots to the end of his seat. "Do you mind if I ask what happened?"
"We lost her father before she was born, he didn't know about her."
His brows fall low over his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I've hear that a lot, but it doesn't come close to making me feel better. Losing a loved one is the worst feeling in the world."
"I can think of one, but we'll save a few stories for another time." I'm not sure where he is, but it's not here. I'm not even sure if it's the right place by the look in his eyes. He's lost. Funny stuff, so am I.
I reach for him, laying my hand over his as it rests on the table. He studies it, the motion of my thumb running back and forth over the back. He lifts his chin; our eyes finally meet, and I drown in the blue sea his tears are swimming in. My stomach knots, the pain behind his eyes, causes me to hurt.
"I'm sorry. Please know, I appreciate your service and everything you've sacrificed for us all."
"I'm lost, Scarlet.” He hesitates before laying his hand over mine, and I fight the need to hold him. “I've never admitted it to another soul and truly have no idea why I am now."
"Sometimes, we find what we need in the oddest of places."
"But you don't need this." He slides his hand out from under mine. Reaching in his pocket, he drops some cash on the table and stands. "As much as I want to be here, I can't be. Neither of you deserves half a man, and that's all I'll ever be."
I watch as he walks away, understanding more about what he's done than he'll ever know. Life has a way of making its own decisions, we either roll with them or get run over.
I decided a long time ago, to roll with it.
On the way home, I drive by Creed's parents' home. He was running earlier; I'm just wondering if he made it back. I spot all of them standing by an SUV, and assume it's his.
"He's going home. I think that might be the best thing he can do." The light changes, and I come to a stop. I keep checking my mirror, praying he doesn't pull up behind me.
He does.
I fidget, scrunching down in my seat. Hopefully, he won't pay attention. The light turns green, and I press the gas, putting some distance between us. As I thought, he rolls onto the interstate, going back to Virginia.
I release the breath I was holding, relieved I dodged one with him. "Shew! Thank goodness that's over."
"Shit!" Emmie giggles from the back seat.
"Now, to figure out how to stop you from using that word." I peek at her in the mirror, and she starts laughing again. My mood is lightened immediately.
Later that night, I put Emmie down and make a huge mistake. I go to my room, digging to the back of my closet until I find the boxes. I take them out,
one by one, and open them.
The boxes. The memories. The wounds that have cut me so deep. I open them from time to time, allowing the hurt and anger to seep out and drag me back to the hell I bury deep within me.
I see his face, smell his cologne, and feel his love. It has never left me, and I don't want that to ever change. It doesn't matter how much pain it causes me, at least if I'm in pain, I'm feeling something.
"I miss you so much." I cry out, praying he'll hear me one day and come to fix me. To hold me until I'm free of all that has festered deep inside of me from losing him.
Most importantly, I free the hate that I have for him. He left us, whether by choice or by chance. He's not here, and I'm dealing with all of it as best I can.
So, yes. I hate him for leaving me here. Alone.
And finally, I re-release him. I know I have to let him go, I do it every day when I look into his daughter's eyes, and all I see is him. I allow him to be free because I would never want anyone to live with the pain that I do. One that will never heal that has changed me forever.
"I love you, still."
Chapter Fourteen
Creed
“I should’ve known better. What am I saying, I did know better, but I ignored it with everything in me. She doesn’t realize it right now, but walking away was the right thing.”
Doc peeks up at me with the saddest face in the history of sad faces. The thing I hate the most about all of this is that I feel the same way. Leaving her was so much harder than I ever imagined.
“I just don’t understand, I’ve never felt so drawn to someone. The second she laid her hand on mine, her spirit knew mine. Deep and connected in such a way, people would be in awe if they could have seen the way it set me on fire.” Doc walks over to me, flopping down by my side. I’m always surprised she can read me so well. She can recognize my pain as fast as I feel it.
“I just wish you could have spared me from this one.” I fist the glass filled with amber, downing it like I know what I’m doing. The bottle teases me, knowing this is the one night, it can get what it wants from me.