by Leaona Luxx
"Fuck you, assholes." I flip them off, turning to leave as Lee catches me by the arm.
"Slow up, Creed."
I roll the stress from my shoulders. "I think I'm losing my mind, Lee. I've had the same nightmare for two years. I want to meet someone, to have an actual life, but it isn't possible."
"Why not?"
"What can I offer any woman? A lifetime of doctor's appointments, a gimp leg, and the possibility of losing my shit on her if I have flashbacks." How in the hell did we get here? I didn't come here to talk about relationships beyond my parents. But I'd be lying to myself and everyone else if I didn't admit that I'm more than interested in Scarlet.
"We're talking about a date, not her hand in marriage." Mark quips. "Or would you like for me to show you how it's done?"
"Yeah, we can talk you up. Give you some tips. In case you've forgotten." Quinn elbows Mark.
Mark rubs his chin, nodding. "What does she look like?"
"A redhead, curvy, and stunning."
They glance at each other. "Dibs!"
"I'll hit it, and I don't even know her name." Quinn boasts.
"Since when did you ever need to know their names?" Lee chides.
Mark slaps Quinn on the back, then flexes. "Dude, bigger is better."
"Hell will freeze over before I repeat her name. You're not running her information." I cross my arms in defiance.
"Scarlet. The vet at Cherry Grove. Not into him." Mark runs down the details I just shared with him and Lee.
Quinn smacks his hands together. "This is going to be sweet."
"I give up!"
"It's a fucking date! Man the fuck up and ask her." Mark scoffs. "Damn, I sound like your Dad."
"You're old enough to be, you old fucker."
Quinn chuckles. "He's not wrong."
"Didn't you say that the visit with your parents went well?" Lee cares about everyone and always wants to help.
"Yeah, we had a good time, there was no pressure, and I have to admit, they're pretty cool."
She sighs. "So, go back. Relax, have fun. If you run into Scarlet, ask her out. If you don't, nothing to see here."
"This is why we need women; you know that don't ya?" I cock my brow.
"Because they're smarter than us." Liam slips his arm over Lee's shoulder.
"Oh, I thought he meant sex." Liam backhands Quinn in the stomach, taking his breath. "Damn, man."
I lean in, kissing Lee on the cheek. "Thank you."
"Anytime..." she hesitates. "well, anytime the Dynamic Duo isn’t here."
"You can say that again." I roll my eyes and head out the door.
As much as I hate to say it, they're right. Again. I have to stop letting my past define my future. I've allowed fear to control my life for far too long. It's time for me to live.
"No time like the present." I pull out my phone, scroll until I find the number and hit call. My nerves start to get the best of me, and I start pacing the parking lot.
"Creed?" Crawford's voice is low. "Are you okay?"
I swallow hard, finding my courage. "Hey, Craw…ford. Yeah, we're good. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Okay. Well then, how can I help?"
"I was wondering... hoping I could visit again. Like, this weekend. Maybe. If that's alright if not, no worries." I rub the back of my neck. I'm making a mess of this thing.
"Absolutely." His only word. No questions, nothing but acceptance.
"Does Friday afternoon work?"
"Perfectly but Creed, you never have to ask to come here. The door is always open."
I drop my head with understanding. "You can say home, Craw. I know where I'm from."
"Dear Lord. You're welcome home anytime, Creed. Anytime, day or night." His voice breaks on my name. I think I made him cry. I've never seen him this emotional, I always assumed Kathryn carried all the emotion. Crawford's been great to me, but I often wondered if I hid my feelings because he does it so well. Kathryn’s right, Craw does come so easily when speaking to him.
"Do me a favor, and don't tell Kathryn. I like the faces she makes."
He chuckles. "She does make the best faces."
"Friday." I release the breath I was holding. "Thank you."
"Let's get this straight, you can thank me for many things in life, but coming home isn't one of them. This place is your home anytime you want it."
"Well, thank you." We laugh. "I'll text you when we're on the road."
"Sounds good." The call ends and in the best way possible. I've avoided this place, and people like the plague all this time. Apparently, there was no reason to.
The rest of the week flies by, I couldn't be happier about it. I worked my ass off, so I could have Friday off. I need to talk to Drew before I leave for Cherry Grove. I'm thinking about explaining everything to him, just in case.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm walking through the door to Drew's office. He motions me over while he's on the phone, I plop down in the first seat. Might as well be comfortable because he's always on the phone.
"Say hi to Sharon." He holds the phone away from his ear.
I scoot forward. "Hello, Sharon."
"He does not! He sounds nothing like him. Whatever, I'm going. Love you." He ends the call and lays the phone to the side. "She thinks you sound like that guy from the movie with the red room."
"Ha! I love it. Tell her I have cuffs."
"Screw you, Hatcher." Drew is always good for a laugh. When I first started coming to him, I thought he did it to break the ice. Now I understand he's just a good person.
"Only one at a time, Sharon's got dibs."
He flips me off. "What are you doing here? This is not your appointment time, and no one dragged you in here, kicking and screaming. Is something wrong?"
"You need to figure this out, either you want me to sex you up, or you don't. You're not allowed to be pissy because Sharon's first."
"What the hell do you want?"
I steeple my fingers, worry written on my face. "I visited with Crawford and Kathryn last weekend."
"How do you think things went?"
"Don't do that, do not psychoanalyze me." I huff.
"I'm not, and you don't try to do my job. How did things go?" There's my good friend. Yes, there are times I need to talk. But today is more about breakthroughs, I think.
"When I leave here, I'm going back for the weekend. We had a nice time, they never pressured me."
He sits back, smiling. "No episodes or dreams?"
"No..." I can't believe it didn't dawn on me. "now that you mention it, I didn't dream the entire weekend. They started again once I got back here."
"Really?" He leans forward, grabbing his trusty red pen to make notes. "Any thoughts on what it could mean? Or how you feel about the fact the dreams only occur here?"
"Honestly, I haven’t thought twice about it. My parents were great, no pressure, and I wasn’t uncomfortable. Now the redhead I met is another story altogether. I can't stop thinking about her."
Drew’s eyes cut sharply to me, with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. “Redhead? Go on… I’m listening.”
"Seriously? Doc cut her foot, and she was the closest veterinarian I could find that also happened to be stunning. And intriguing. Probably off-limits. Also, outta my league.” His forehead creases, he has something to say, and I hope it's not discouragement. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel like a human. I long for closeness, and to be accepted for who I am now.
I need to feel alive.
He smiles mischievously. "Did you talk to the vet or roll over for her?"
“Ya know what, screw you! I have that other bunch of numb nuts for this shit.” I shake my head. “But, yes, we spoke. I'm not sure she’s interested."
He leans on his desk, his mouth working out what he wants to say before he spits it out. "All I ask is that you remain open to your parents. This was supposed to be to reconnect with them, if something goes wrong or doesn't work out, don't cut them off.
They deserve more than a visit because of a woman."
"I hear you; I do. It's not like that, I had a nice time with them. I realize this is a whim, and nothing may happen, but I'm drawn to her. I need to find out more about her."
"Alright. You have my number; you're welcome to call day or night." He stands as I do, extending his hand. "I have to say, I'm pleased. Take things slow with everyone."
"I’ll text you." I shake his hand. "Wow. I'm headed home."
"Good luck."
I hit the door running, headed home to pick up Doc, so we can get on the road. Usually, she's with me, I wanted her to rest as long as she can because of the trip. Who knows when she might need a doctor again?
Chapter Eleven
Scarlet
"Any big plans this weekend?"
"I didn't want to brag or anything, but I might just have something dirty up my sleeve." I waggle my brows, and Amy's eyes widen. She slides up next to me, waiting for all the details.
"Do tell?"
I lick my lips, crouching down next to her ear and whisper. "I'm going to start with the dishes, and then I'm going to do the laundry."
"I hate you!" She bumps my shoulder with hers. "I thought for sure you were gonna get your freak on, but no, you were teasing me."
"Amy... if I ever get laid, you'll be the first person with the details."
Her eyes narrow. "You promise?"
"Scouts honor." I hold up three fingers.
"Whatever." She grumbles. "We'll be old and dried up before your snatch is plundered."
"Oh, my gracious! Hush it, you're killing me." I cover my ears with my hands and pretend to drown her out. She cackles as I scurry away to my office. The problem is... she's probably right.
Amy strolls in right behind me, grinning like the loon she is and drops into the seat in front of me. "All I'm saying is that you might have crotch rot, it's been so long since you've used that thang."
"You do realize women do not get crotch rot, only males do?"
"Alrighty, Miss Know-it-all Doctor. I'm simply saying you're in Muff C.C.C., and you need to do something about it."
I gape at her, trying to weigh my options of whether I should ask or if I even want to know. Obviously, I need mental help because I ask. "What is Muff C.C.C.? Not the muff part, I know what that is."
"Coochie Critical Care."
"What in the ever-loving hell is Coochie Critical Care?" The minute it's out of my mouth, I hold my hand up to stop her. "Wait, I don't want to know."
"Yes, you do, it might just save your life. Coochie Critical Care is when your Who-ha is in need of Trouser Trout. I just saved your Who-Ha, my friend!"
I blink rapidly in hopes this information doesn't stick to my brain, but it's of no use, now all I can think about is Coochie Critical Care and the fact... she could be right. Dropping my head to my desk, I bang it several times.
"I'm not sure what's sadder about this conversation; the fact we're talking about my lack of Coochie Care or that I'm actually listening."
Amy leans forward, patting my head. "The first step is admitting you have a problem, the second is getting help or accepting some from a friend."
"And... you're going to be the one to help me?" I peek up at her. She has that crazy eyes' thing going on, I'm scared.
"Yeah, it's like I'm the doctor now, and I'm gonna perform Coochie CPR."
I rear back and point toward the door. "Get out! Go, now before my animal instincts kick in and I smoother you in your sleep!"
"I don't understand." She raises a quizzical brow. "I'm trying to be a good friend and save your stuff-a-muff!"
"Please stop saying muff and coochie, I swear I can't with you another second." Tears stream down my face from holding back my laughter. Although I may not want to admit, deep down, I have no doubt she's right. I need to move on, but for the life of me, I don't know how.
Amy stands, walking over to the door. "Riddle me this, when is the last time you've been out on a Friday? Or any day for that matter?"
"A long damn time," the tears welling in my eyes this time aren't funny. "maybe next week, but I'll make you this promise when I do decide to go out for a girl's night, you're on speed dial."
She pumps her fist in the air, celebrating. "Yes! I am the Cooter Queen, and I'm here to rescue your coochie!"
"Leave!" I point to the door again. She sticks her nose in the air as she sashays from the room. "Totally explains why I'm still single, she's one of my best friends."
Another ten-hour day, and I'm about to drop when it's finally time to go home. Thankfully, I'm not on call this weekend. I hate to admit it, with taking a day off this week, but I need a break from everything and everyone.
By the time I'm home, I realize I should've gone to the grocery store. As much as I'd like to wait until tomorrow, Emmie needs a few things, and so do I., So it's off we go, dragging ass to the store.
One of my favorite things while shopping is helping Emmie with her vocabulary. I hold up objects, articulating each word as I say them. She tends to giggle more than repeat me, feeding into my insecurities that she's falling behind for her age. Most toddlers are more verbal by now.
"Apple." She’s utterly adorable when she wrinkles her nose, laughing at me as I coax her to speak. "A is for A-pple."
She giggles. I continue to look like a failure as a mother while pushing her around the isles. We fill the cart with everything from actual food to every item of junk and sweets I can find. Two bottles of wine, a gallon of ice cream, and I'm ready to go home.
"Shoot! I forgot your cereal." I make a funny face at Emmie as she sits sweetly in the cart. "One more thing, and we'll turn on your favorite ice queen while we snuggle after dinner."
Fourteen boxes later, she's rejected everything I've offered. I sigh heavily, ready to give up. I hate I feel this way some days, being a mother is a hard job but doing it alone is even harder. Especially on the days I just can't seem to figure anything out.
"This one?" I showcase the cereal, hoping she'll reach for one of them, and I can be done with the day. She does, only to knock it out of my hand and watch the box fall to the floor. I kneel, grabbing it and hear the absolute worst thing ever.
"Hi, beautiful." I rise slowly. Peeking over the handle of the cart. For the love of Greek Gods and wet panties, Creed Hatcher.
I lift my hand, waving as I pop up from the behind Emmie. "Hey there. How are you and Doc?"
"Oh. Hello." He seems confused, his brows are pulled so tight they're almost one. "I didn't see you... is this?"
Now, I understand. My jaw locks, but I manage to get the words out. "Yes, this is my daughter."
"I-I didn't realize." He steps back as if he might catch something, and he might end up with a kid or worse a wife.
"She doesn't bite."
"I didn't say she did." Beads of sweat form across his top lip. "I'm surprised, that's all."
"How is Doc?"
His eyes move from Emmie to mine. "She's good. Her vet complimented your work and is going to remove the stitches next week."
"Nice, I'm glad she's doing well. Did you leave her at home?"
"She's with my... Crawford and Kathryn." His brow furrows.
"With your Crawford and Kathryn? That's different."
He runs his hand through his hair awkwardly. "It's a long story, I was hoping to tell you one day, but I suppose you stay pretty busy."
"I do."
His eyes bounce from Emmie back to me. "Nice to see you again."
"Good to see you again as well." I toss the cereal in the cart, pushing us away from him as fast as I can. Only to have him jog up to my side.
"Why do I have the feeling you don't like me?"
"I'm sorry, I thought I was clear about it."
The corner of his mouth twitches as a smile plays on his lips. "Don't hold back on my account, tell me how you really feel."
"Kinda like the look on your face as you gawked at my child?"
"I was not gawking," he runs his ha
nd over his face. "I'm sorry. It just threw me; I didn't mean anything by it at all."
"Yeah? You should've seen my reaction when they told me I was pregnant." I quirk my brow.
His feet shift. "I bet your husband is head over heels for her, she's your mirror image."
"He's not in the picture, we lost him a few years ago."
His shoulders slump, I recognize he's trying, but this is an epic fail. "Shit! I'm sorry."
"Shit," Emmie repeats him as though she's heard the word a million times. My head spins, and I glare at him.
"Oh... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- "
"Ya know what, I'm going to walk away now and you're not going to follow me. But if you must ruin another day for me, Christmas isn't far off, you can always come back and tell her Santa isn't real." His mouth hangs as I take my daughter and make my getaway.
"Of all the things and all the words, you pick that one to repeat?" Ugh, I swear I cold smoother him. "He was kinda cute when he realized what you said, but not cute enough that he's forgiven."
The faster I walk, the deeper the sinking feeling sets in me. I have no idea what I was ever thinking, there's no way I can have a regular relationship. Besides, it's a fact I couldn't pick a good man with a gold star rating on his forehead.
My chest conclaves because I know that isn't true, Emmie's dad was a good man, and if he were here today, he'd be so incredibly proud of her, as honored as I am to be her mother. I might fail her daily, but she'll never doubt my love for her.
"You and me, baby girl. That's all we have and everything we need." I kiss her cheek as I buckle her in her car seat. It really is just us against the world, life might be tough, but together, we'll make it.
"Let's go home and let all of this go." She jabbers as if she understands exactly what I'm saying. I hope she does, I need her to grasp how much I love her.
Emmie mutters nonstop on the way home, happy, and content with our conversation. It really doesn't matter what we were saying to one another; our hearts are connected in such a way no one will ever comprehend. My heart flutters and floats with her every laugh.
"Creed Hatcher is an old soul, Emmie. I don't understand him, and I'm not sure I'm supposed to." She laughs, cracking me with her. Listen, she's not wrong. He's as crazy as I am, and all the more reason to walk away and stay away.