Knights of Souls and Shadows, Book 1

by Kristie Cook

  Stupid tears suddenly sprang to my eyes, and I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyelids, willing them away.

  “I know you’re in an awful situation, Elliana. Nobody should have to commit to someone they don’t truly love and want to be with.”

  “But a deal’s a deal,” I finished when she didn’t continue.

  “A deal’s a deal until you can negotiate a better one,” she said.

  I turned my head, peering at her. “Go on.” She only shrugged. “Saoirse, if you have any ideas on how I can get out of this deal—preferably without hurting Tor any more than I already have—you must speak up!”

  “Not me. I’m not the politician of the family. But you need to talk to Tor when he returns. I think you’d be surprised at everything he would do for you.”

  “Wait. He left again? He hasn’t been avoiding me all this time?”

  Saoirse peered over my shoulder, at the veranda above us, then stood. “I don’t know about that, but you’ll be able to ask him soon. For now, we should get back to work.”

  “Can I try?” a familiar voice asked from behind me, sending an electric current through my veins. That’s who Saoirse had seen before she stood, trying to help me with my avoidance maneuvers. I mouthed no to her.

  “Do you have another great idea up your sleeve?” Saoirse asked. “Because the last one isn’t working too well, and if not, best to let her focus.”

  “Please,” Sadie nearly begged. “Elli, we need to talk. And I promise it will make a difference.”

  Saoirse’s gaze slid from Sadie to me, and her brows rose in question. I groaned internally then nodded.

  “She’s all yours,” Saoirse said. “Maybe you can use that mind-bending trick to knock some sense into her.”

  The Shadow fae disappeared, and I reluctantly stood, slowly turning to face Sadie. I was shocked to see she looked as bad as I felt. My brows immediately pressed together.

  “What’s wrong?” I hurried up the steps to her, my hands fluttering around her face, but holding back from actually touching her. She’d looked so much better the other day, and now— “Are you sick?”

  A small smile curled one side of her mouth. “Some call it a sickness. Let’s walk, okay?”

  She took my hand, warm energy flowing between us, feeling like a balm to my aching soul. We went around to the side lawn and through the gate to the park. We didn’t stop until we reached the pond, and when we sat on the side of the basin, I noticed she already looked better.

  “Flowers,” I said. “You needed flowers.”

  She stifled a laugh while swallowing a mouthful of petals. “They are delicious, but it’s not the flowers that make me better, Els. Like I said the other day—it’s you.” She inhaled a deep breath and hurried on before I could stop her. “It’s because we’re mates, Elliana. Fated mates. Bonded mates. Soul mates. Whatever you want to call it.”

  I held up my hand, my breath catching in my lungs as I processed this. “Mates,” was all I managed to blubber out.

  She nodded, taking my hand between hers. “I felt the connection almost immediately, but I’d had to deny it then. Too many expectations with my family, as you know. Then when we pushed past that, I became more and more certain. I’d wanted to tell you at school, after the stupid project and you almost got trapped in that hall of mirrors, but then what you told me about needing to go home . . . And I found out I wouldn’t be returning to school either . . . Well, it seemed selfish to drop that bomb on you when we could do nothing about it. But now, Elli . . . the bond completed between us the other night. I know you felt it.”

  She finally stopped talking, allowing me to think, but I couldn’t. I could only feel. Feel the bond between us, strengthening both of us even as we sat here. Feel the sadness that she’d been holding this within all of this time. Feel the elation that Sadie Angrec, the one person I knew could love me as much as I loved her, was my mate. Feel the despair that in the end, it meant nothing.

  “Wait. Did you know the bond would complete the other night?” I asked, and she answered with a small smile. “So you knew about my deal, about your need to align with someone else, and yet you allowed our bond to complete?”

  Her smile turned into a frown at my tone. “It wasn’t exactly that I allowed it. I simply stopped fighting it. Doing so was hurting both of us, and it would only get worse if we didn’t go through with it.”

  “And now what? We were apart barely more than two days, and we were both a mess. How the hell are we supposed to live the lives we’re committed to—very separate lives—without destroying ourselves?”

  Her frown deepened. “First of all, we were only a mess because the bond is so fresh. We’ll get over that. But don’t you see? A fae mating bond is more sacred than anything—even more than a fae’s word. More than a deal.”

  I blinked at her as hope dared to rise. “No shit?”

  She laughed. “No shit.”

  “I get to be with you—be your mate—and at the same time get out of my deal with the Shadow king?”

  She nodded, grinning widely, but even as the last words fell off my tongue, my hope dropped with them. The Shadow king. Since when would he honor the sanctity of a mating bond over our deal? He would laugh in my face if I suggested such a thing, and then punish me by making me kill more of his men.

  My shoulders sagged with defeat. “He’ll never do it,” I murmured. “King Caellach will never give up on possessing me and my power.”

  Sadie’s finger slid under my chin, lifting it so she could look into my eyes. “We’ll figure out a way. But you’re going to need to talk to Tor first.”

  I wished I could have her same confidence, but I didn’t think she’d ever met the king. I knew for a fact she’d never seen the gleam in his eyes or the way he salivated all over me. He fed his men to me just to see me in action. No, there was no possible way this was our answer.

  But she was right about one thing: I needed to talk to Tor.

  “He hasn’t returned from the outpost, though,” she continued when I started to stand, pulling me back down. She turned on the ledge of the basin, crossing her legs in front of her. “In the meantime, we’re going to work together on getting to know your beast. Turn and face me.” I did, mimicking her position by crossing my legs in front of me. She took my hands in each of hers. “Now close your eyes and sit for a few moments.”

  I followed her orders, but within a few heartbeats, I began to squirm as my mind reeled over everything we’d just discussed.

  “Elli, settle,” she said, quietly but firmly, like my mother used to do. With a deep inhale followed by a slow exhale, I settled. “Ground yourself.” She paused as I did. “Now let me in.”

  I didn’t understand at first, but then I felt her energy pushing at my mental walls. It felt similar to when my mom used her telepathy to “knock” on my mental door. When I opened up to Sadie, though, she did the same for me, and that feeling of the other night—the feeling of becoming more, of becoming one—washed through me. We were connected not physically, but in every other way possible.

  “Feel my darkness?” she asked, and I was surprised when I did. Our eyes remained closed as she went on, our hands held in the air between us. “You’re not the only one with dark power, Elli. You’ve seen what I can do by simply touching a man’s mind. Tor and Saoirse, I imagine your parents, too . . . everyone has darkness in them.”

  “Not like mine, though. Not everyone has the insane DNA mix my brother and sister and I do. Not everyone was conceived among the dust of black magic. Not everyone visited Hell while in their mother’s womb. And nobody ever has opened an inter-dimensional gate to a world of evil.”

  She chuckled. “Okay, okay, I get it. But not everyone is as strong as you. And you’re not alone, Elli. You always think you have to do this all on your own, but it’s not true.” I wanted to argue with her, but she gave my hands a reassuring squeeze. “Now show me this beast you’ve told me about. I’m excited to meet her.”

&
nbsp; Said beast circled her cage I still held her in, pushing the side of her head against the walls, that purring sound rumbling through her, through me. Sadie chuckled quietly again.

  “I think I found her,” she said. “And she’s not so scary.” I—my beast—purred louder. “Let her out, Elli. Let her free. Let her in to become one with you just as you and I have.” I hesitated, and she squeezed my hands again. “You’re not alone,” she reminded me. “Let me help you.”

  Slowly, I lifted the cage, some of that power leaking out, ice-cold and pitch-black, and Sadie gasped when she first felt it.

  “No, keep going,” she insisted when I stopped. “We can do this.”

  Squeezing my eyes—and her hands—tighter, I lifted the cage more. I’d never truly looked at my beast myself. Not dead-on like this. My heart pounded with both fear and excitement.

  The beast dropped her head under the cage, peering out. Bluish-black fur. Big brown eyes. She was cold and feral and absolutely terrifying but at the same time, fucking beautiful. A beastly version of myself. Together we pushed the cage higher until she was free. Instead of charging forward like she had before in my times of distress, she meandered her way out, sniffing against both Sadie and me, then rubbing her head against our combined energy, the purring louder than ever.

  “You’re actually purring out loud,” Sadie said with a giggle. “Embrace her, Elli. She’s part of you.”

  Hanging on to Sadie’s energy, which felt so much lighter than mine in both weight and color, I let loose a tendril of my own force and slid it around the beast. She felt like . . . me. Like I was hugging myself, a long, lost part of myself. For the first time, I truly understood what Sadie had meant. I hadn’t noticed that a piece of me had been empty all this time, a hole in my very psyche gaping open until I allowed my beast to fill it. She fit in like the last piece of a puzzle, completing the whole picture—the picture of me. Once she did, Sadie’s energy swirled around us, filling in the tiny gaps between pieces, solidifying us into a whole.

  “You did it,” Sadie whispered. “Open your eyes.”

  I did, and shock racked through me.

  The pond was dry, all of the water gone. Sadie’s gaze swept around us and to our other side. Ice crystals hung in the air but most shocking of all was the figure next to us.

  I hadn’t realized Saoirse had come to the park, but she stood there frozen, surrounded by icicles the length of my arm like spears, angled toward her and poking into her flesh. Everywhere the sharp points touched, black lines crawled under and up her skin.

  “It doesn’t exactly tickle,” she ground out between clenched teeth.

  I immediately shattered the icicles, lighting them with fire until they melted and the water evaporated completely.

  “I wouldn’t call that control,” I growled.

  “It’s progress,” Saoirse said as she inspected herself for any lasting damage. “A lot more control than you used to have.”

  “Only thanks to Sadie’s power holding me back.”

  “You’re wrong,” Sadie said. “You have what you need within you.” She squeezed my hand before letting it fall, sending a message through our bond. And I understood—I felt what she meant. I could feel her energy still within me. No, our energy, united, bonded. There for me to call on, to mix with my other magic, intensifying it without losing control. “Now let’s go practice some more.”

  “I have something to do, but I’ll meet you two back at the manor in about ten minutes,” Saoirse said before disappearing.

  “Are you going to tell me about the cousin?” I asked Sadie as the two of us walked through the park, heading back to the manor and the openness of the back lawn for more practice.

  “Farran?” Sadie shrugged. “He’s okay, I guess. I suppose he’s good-looking, for a male, although I’m not sure about the goatee he wears.”

  “Ew,” I said as I tried not to imagine that between my legs and failed.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “He seems nice enough, though.”

  “But not your soul mate?” I teased.

  She laughed, bumping her shoulder into mine. “He can’t compare to you, Elliana Knight.”

  “That’s good to know. Not sure if I can say the same about my own betrothed . . .”

  She looked at me with mocked shock, pressing her hand to her chest. “I have competition?”

  “If I was forced to be with a male, I could do worse. You can’t argue with that.”

  Sadie wrinkled her nose. “He’s my brother. I can’t even think about him like that.”

  “I wish I could say the same,” I murmured. We fell silent, but I could feel a slight change in Sadie’s energy as we walked, so I grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, not dropping it until we came to the gate to the prince’s estate.

  We returned to the back lawn of the manor, and the two of them helped me fumble my way through blending the newly embraced power with my other abilities. Maybe someday I’d become good enough where it was simply second nature, like the rest of my powers and magic, but today was not that day. At least I was finally making progress, though.

  As dusk fell and we decided to call it quits for the evening, I looked up to see Tor standing on the balcony. I wondered how long he’d been watching. Apparently long enough, because he gave me a nod of approval before turning to go inside.

  Now if only I could believe things would go as well with him as they had with Sadie and with my beast.

  Chapter 26

  The next afternoon, after finishing some tortuous training with Saoirse while Sadie was forced to make plans for her own upcoming . . . engagement . . . I paced in front of Tor’s study, mentally running through ideas of how to start this conversation and coming up with nothing I particularly liked.

  “Are you going to hang out here all evening, carving a ravine into my floors?” Tor stood in the open doorway, his powerful body leaning against the frame. I didn’t know how long he’d been watching me.

  “Were you just going to stand there all evening and watch me as I did?” I sniped back. Shit. That was not anywhere close to any of the ideas I’d had for launching into this conversation.

  “We need to talk,” he said, turning and striding into his study, around the large desk.

  I followed him in, and the door shut behind me. I sat in the chair in front of the desk, and we stared at each other for a long, drawn out moment.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally blurted. I was beginning to realize I pretty much sucked when I was under pressure. Well, at least when it came to pressure from someone I cared about. “I had a moment of weakness, but it changes nothing. I will still marry you and keep my deal. I’m learning better control of my power, and I will help you free your people and whatever else you need me to do. It was a mistake—I make a lot of those, if you haven’t noticed. But this particular one won’t happen again.”

  He watched me carefully as I spewed my ridiculous speech that was not at all like I’d practiced. I was oh-for-two so far, in that regard. The weight of his aqua gaze became almost tangible, but when he lifted one black, slanted brow at the final promise, I clamped my mouth shut. He leaned forward in his chair, resting his arms on the desk and folding his long fingers together. His head cocked as he continued to study me.

  “What, exactly, are you sorry for, Elliana?” he asked quietly.

  I inclined my head, dropping my gaze from his to stare at my hands. “For betraying you,” I said even more quietly. “For hurting you.”

  He let out a sort of snort-chuckle. “Look at that—Elliana Knight does have a heart.”

  My head snapped up, and I narrowed my eyes, my mouth opening for a retort. But when I absorbed his expression, I realized he wasn’t taunting me. There was an unfathomable glint in his eyes.

  “It is nice to know you care,” he said, his voice even. “I care about you, as well. But seeing you with Sadie didn’t hurt me in the way you think it does. Do you recall me saying that this union between us is not exactly wh
at I want, either?”

  I felt a prick in my heart, the pang of rejection, and frowned. “Yes.”

  “I’ve never intended for this marriage to actually happen. I’ve tried to tell you that before. I am buying us as much time as I possibly can.”

  “I understand, but being with Sadie doesn’t help any of us. Like I said, what happened the other night—it changes nothing.”

  He chuckled, leaning back in his chair and wiping his hand over his face. “Oh, it changes everything. We cannot go on pretending to be engaged when you are mated with another.”

  “She told you,” I breathed, feeling a little betrayed. After all, she would have done so before she told me.

  “No, she didn’t need to. For fae, the bond of mates is clear. Not necessarily seen by the eye, especially after the bond settles, but still unmistakable. Word will undoubtedly get back to my father.”

  My whole body sagged deeper into the chair. This was not what I’d hoped to hear. “I know he won’t honor the bond. He won’t allow it to override our deal.”

  “No, he will not,” Tor confirmed. “I have my own idea for you and your deal with him, but I still need more time. Until then, however, my biggest concern is not about you and me. It’s about your mate. My sister, for whom we both know my father has no lost love.”

  My heart stopped in my chest as his meaning set in, my stomach knotting up so I thought I might vomit. I looked up at him in horror. “We just gave him another reason to kill her.”

  I couldn’t breathe. Horror swiftly became rage and more hatred when I thought I couldn’t possibly hate the king any more than I already did. My vision blurred as my heart thundered in my ears.

  “I need to kill him first,” I gasped.

  Tor grunted and shifted, his fingers turning black and his eyes glowing silver. My emotions ebbed enough to sense Saoirse outside the door, helping him bring me back down to a more controlled level.

  “Thank you,” I uttered.

  “My chair, Elliana,” he replied, and I looked down at the purple flames licking from my palms over the armrests I grasped so hard, my knuckles glowed white in the smoke.