To Blake, With Love

by KT Webb

  Her expression changes from insanity to depression in a matter of seconds. I can’t help but wonder what kind of life she’s been living in London. Things must not have turned out the way she wanted them to, or I don’t think she’d have come crawling back here expecting me to be waiting with open arms. Fate has a funny way of giving us what we want at the most inconvenient times.

  “You don’t love me anymore?” She sounds so confused.

  I shake my head, “Not the way I did. I will always love you in some form, Mads. We were so close for so many years, you don’t just stop loving someone who played an important role in your life.”

  “So, you’re telling me I gave up the progress I made in London and came back to you for nothing?” Her lower lip is starting to tremble.

  “Madigan, can you just be honest with me for a second? What happened in London that made you decide you’d rather return to the one place you said you never wanted to see again?”

  Madigan takes a deep breath, “My business went under. I had a business partner who turned out to be a selfish bastard. I thought he loved me, but I realized he was nothing like the one man who always loved me no matter what.”

  There was a time in my life when that statement may have been correct. It might have even made me take her in my arms and never let go. Now, I can’t help but find a little humor in her statement about her business partner being selfish. Her selfishness is what ended our relationship.

  “Mads, I know this will make me sound like a total wanker but, I’m kind of pleased you got a dose of your own medicine. You are probably the most selfish person I’ve ever met.”

  That voice at the back of my head tries to remind me that there is another selfish person out there, and that person was currently face to face with the love of my life. Instead of listening to that voice like I should, I choose to continue with the confrontation that’s been eight years in the making. Madigan is glaring at me now.

  “How am I selfish? Is this because I made the hard choices that gave us the freedom to live the lives we wanted? Or is it because you had our lives planned out, and I should have ten screaming children by now?”

  Her words sting as though she slapped me across the face. She saw her decision to abort our baby as a choice to give us freedom. If she were a man, I’d be tempted to punch her in the mouth. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and everything comes crashing back to me. Blake.

  “Madigan, the bottom line is you made decisions without asking me how I would feel about it. If you didn’t want to stay with me, I would have accepted that. But you took a piece of me when you destroyed our baby,” I tell her as the emotion tightens my chest.

  “We didn’t want that baby! It wasn’t in the plan. It would have ruined everything,” Madigan bangs her fist against the table.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I’d have raised that child myself rather than have you rob me of that opportunity. Madigan, I haven’t been waiting for you. I’ve been mourning the loss of the child who would have been seven years old this November. And you know the worst part about it all? No one knows,” my breathing is ragged, and tears are getting harder to hold back.

  “What does that mean?” Her voice is heavy with venom.

  “It means I didn’t have it in me to break the hearts of everyone who loved us. Did you even once consider how your actions would affect your parents, your brother, my mum? If they knew what you did, they’d have had to feel this ache in their chests, just as I have for eight years.”

  Madigan bursts out laughing, “Seriously? You’ve been brokenhearted this whole time over a baby? Well, I hate to tell you, Gan, but there never was a baby.”

  I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me. How could there never have been a baby? As I replay the months leading up to her departure, I realize one thing. I was never present at any appointment. I never saw a positive pregnancy test. I took her at her word that we were going to have a baby together, but the whole thing was a lie. Now, the only question screaming to get out of my mouth is why she would do something like this.

  “You’re worse than I thought, Madigan,” I throw the words in her direction. “Why? What benefit was there to lie about all that?”

  Madigan rolls her eyes at me, “I didn’t think I’d ever get you to leave this place. I wanted us to start a new life in London, but you didn’t want to go. At first, I thought that if we were expecting a child, you’d marry me, and we’d move to London. When you started making plans to stay in Kinnitty, I realized there was nothing I could do to make you leave.”

  “So, you faked an abortion?” I yell at her, as a tear escapes my eye.

  “Well, I couldn’t exactly leave with you thinking I was going to have your baby. And if I told you I’d miscarried, you’d want to get married and make another baby. By then, I knew you weren’t going to go with me. It was the only way for me to leave,” Madigan shrugs as though the whole thing is entirely inconsequential.

  “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you really are off yer feckin' nut,” I finally manage to say.

  “What would you have had me do, Gannon?”

  “Hmm, I don’t know, maybe not lie about a pregnancy in the first place? Jesus Christ, Madigan. I can’t even stand to look at you.”

  Now, Madigan is crying, or rather she’s wailing in a ridiculously overdramatic way. Her utter lack of understanding disgusts me on a level I never thought possible. I look at the clock and realize it’s been almost forty-five minutes since Blake left the pub.

  “I am late for something that’s far more important to me than your theatrics.”

  The mixture of emotions I feel is overwhelmed by guilt. How could I let so much time pass? What if Old Roald attacked Blake again? Oh, God, what if he made good on his threats? I fumble with my phone as I pull it from my jeans pocket. The missed calls are from mum, Molly, and Pat. Nothing from Blake. My stomach clenches as I fall into the thought that the worst has happened, and it’s all my fault.

  “Fuck,” I stand up from the booth as quickly as possible, knocking over the dusty bottle of whiskey in the process.

  The spilled whiskey is probably what distracts me long enough for Madigan to hop up too. I’ll have to clean it up later. I start to rush toward the door only to have Madigan grab my forearm and dig her fingernails in.

  “Madigan, let me go,” I warn.

  Instead of releasing me, she pulls me to her and is kissing me before I realize her intent. Now, she has her hands in my hair, pushing my face towards her. I’m struggling to shove her away, but she’s much stronger than I anticipated.

  “You have to be fucking kidding me,” Pat’s voice causes Madigan to let go immediately.

  The fury surging through me at her desperate actions quickly fades to heartbreak and regret. I turn to see Molly, Pat, and Blake standing just inside the pub. Pat’s mouth is bleeding, Molly has an angry red mark near her eye, and then there’s Blake. Her clothes are dirty and disheveled. From the looks of things, we were right about Old Roald reacting violently. Blake has a cut along her cheekbone and swelling around it that suggests a nasty bruise will appear in the coming days.

  “Never in a million years did I think this is what would keep you from Blake,” Molly’s anger is evident in the red that seems to move up her body like a cartoon thermometer.

  Blake has tears in her eyes, but I know it’s not from the pain of the attack. I’ve seen that look before. It’s the accusatory expression that accompanies betrayal. I walk toward her, knowing she probably needs stitches for that cut. Blake immediately backs away from me and my path is blocked by Molly and Pat.

  “Please, this isn’t what it looks like. You have to know that,” I’m only looking at Blake.

  Her eyes wander from my face to Madigan, then finally rest on the booth where the whiskey bottle lies on its side. I can almost see the gears turning as realization dawns. This is bad.

  “Well, I’m happy to see your bad memory is back,” Blake spews at me before she flees the p
ub.

  “Blake!” I try to get past Molly and Pat, but they practically shove me back.

  “She could have died, mate. Molly and your mum called you, and you didn’t answer. Molly went to see if Blake needed help when you didn’t show. Your mum called me and said the girls needed me,” Pat slides his gaze toward Madigan. “We thought something must have happened to you. I knew there had to be something terrible if it could keep you from Blake. I can see I was right.”

  As if to make matters worse, Madigan chooses this moment to greet the brother she hasn’t seen in years. If it was socially acceptable to strangle her, I’d do it now.

  “Hey, bro! Looks like I’m back,” she beams as though there is zero tension in the room.

  “Yeah, I see that. Maybe you should leave again. Things were smashing without you,” Pat glares at his twin.

  “You’re a real piece of shit, you know that Fitzpatrick?” Molly slaps me across the face before she follows in Blake’s footsteps.

  I’m left standing in the pub with my best friend and my worst nightmare. The only thing I want to do is chase Blake, I need to tell her what was happening. If I could just explain it to her, I know she’d find a way to forgive me for letting her get hurt. The pain in my chest is threatening to tear me apart.

  “Pat, she just showed up out of nowhere. There were things we needed to discuss,” I hang my head, knowing my excuse is lame.

  “Yeah, and was catching up with Madigan worth knowing that Blake and Molly probably have concussions, and I took a cane to the mouth?” Pat yells the accusation.

  Immediately, I know the answer. Confronting Madigan was not as important as protecting the people I love. From Blake’s point of view, this was a double betrayal. I let her walk into the lion’s den and didn’t show up to pull her out like I promised. She was worried I was hurt but instead walked into the pub to find Madigan trying to force her tongue down my throat.

  “Get out, Madigan,” I say through clenched teeth.

  “Don’t we still have to talk?” She asks, feigning innocence.

  “No. There’s nothing left to say. Don’t come back here. I never want to see you again,” I look directly at Madigan, so she knows I’m dead serious.

  Through it all, Pat doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t defend his sister. He doesn’t follow her when she leaves. Once she’s out of the pub, Pat calmly walks over and locks the door. He walks up to me and points to a chair, I wordlessly sink into it as he positions a chair to face me and takes a seat.

  “Tell me everything. And, Gannon, when I say everything, I mean it. Tell me what happened between you back then and what took place here today. This is your one shot at earning back my respect.”

  With a grave nod, I start telling him the story of my inner turmoil. My only hope to keep Blake lies in the letter I sent from Galway. I can only hope she speaks to me after reading that letter and gives me a chance to tell her the rest of the story as I now know it.

  Molly finds me sitting in front of Dr. Roald’s office, waiting for him to arrive. Pat called him after he subdued Old Roald. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow the Garda showed up just minutes after Old Roald was knocked out. We gave them everything they needed to take him into custody. Now, the bastard is sitting in a holding cell in the building next to me.

  I know I should be heartbroken right now, but all I feel is my throbbing head. Maybe the pain caused by finding Gannon sucking face with Madigan is being held in by the arms I have tightly wrapped around my body. Molly doesn’t say anything. I know she’s raging inside. She never liked Madigan anyway, but now that she’s close to me her distaste for the woman has increased exponentially. I can see the Wolfhound from where we sit, so when Madigan leaves in a huff, I watch her walk to her little car and speed off.

  This morning, if anyone asked if I thought I’d catch Gannon making out with someone else, I probably would have laughed. Do I think for one second he’s getting back together with Madigan? No. Do I think he was blindsided by her appearance and momentarily forgot all about me? Yes.

  Dr. Roald pulls up and practically leaps from his car, “Jesus, come with me.”

  Molly helps me to my feet, and we follow Roald into his clinic. He starts looking over our injuries, shaking his head and muttering to himself the entire time.

  “This needs stitches,” he tells me once he has the blood cleaned from my cheek.

  “Ugh, I was afraid you’d say that,” I complain.

  “I know who did this, but are you going to tell me how this all went down? Wasn’t Gannon supposed to show up before this happened?” Roald tells me to close my eyes as he prepares to numb the area.

  “He was too busy snogging Madigan,” Molly winces as she touches her swollen eye.

  “Okay, before we get to that part, let me tell him what happened with Old Roald! Gah! Ow, sweet baby Jesus that hurt,” I wince as Roald pokes the needle into the fat of my cheek as he prepares to stitch it up.

  “Sorry, it’ll be numb soon. Go ahead and tell me how it all went down.”

  “I came upon Old Roald just as planned,” I pull out my phone to play the recording rather than retelling the whole saga while Roald is so close to my eye with sutures.

  “The scuffling sound is the phone rubbing against my coat pocket as I walked. We’ll start talking soon,” I tell him.

  “Roald? You must have just come from church. I thought it was a lovely day to take a walk,” I said, keeping a safe distance from the old man.

  “Oh, you’re still here?”

  “Yep, your little notes haven’t gotten me to run away. I’m sure you’re disappointed,” I went straight for the jugular.

  “I can’t say I know what you’re referring to, lass. If someone is sending you notes that scare you, maybe you’re not as well-liked around here as you thought,” Roald winked at me and moved to walk away.

  I stepped in front of him to keep him from leaving. It was reckless, and probably the first thing that pissed him off enough to attack me.

  “I think we both know exactly what I’m talking about, Roald. You just can’t accept that even though you coveted Imogen, Brion was just the better man.”

  “Ooo, you said that to him? Were you asking for this?” Dr. Roald says while the skin pulls uncomfortably with his toothed forceps.

  “Shh, it’s about to get nasty!” Molly scolds him.

  “You should shut that pretty mouth, or someone may shut it for you,” Roald threatened, gripping the cane as though preparing for attack.

  “Oh? And do you think you’re the one who’s going to shut my mouth? Just like you’ll be the last thing I ever see. I’m not afraid of you,” I prayed my face didn’t show him what my words were trying to conceal.

  Old Roald stepped closer to me. At this point, I remember panicking at the thought that Gannon still hadn’t shown up. I did my best to keep my cool and maintain a straight face. If Old Roald knew his intimidation technique was working, I’d be far easier to take down.

  “There is one thing I wanted to know, though. In your second letter, you mentioned that you knew about the falling out I experienced with my parents. I spoke to Nana yesterday and she hasn’t heard your name in years. In fact, she hasn’t thought about you since the day she left. So, that begs the question, how do you know about my personal problems with my family?”

  I was terrified but defiant. Whoever he’d spoken to clearly gave him a tilted view of the drama that unfolded in my family. Roald turned his head until he was facing me, yet another attempt at intimidation.

  “You know, when I called your parents with concerns about your sudden appearance here, they were more than happy to tell me everything. They had no idea what had become of you. That got me thinking, what kind of person leaves their family without caring about those they left behind?” Roald had leaned so close to me his hooked nose almost touched my cheek. “Do you know what conclusion I came to? The only kind of person I could think of that was so selfish they’d leave their family witho
ut a second thought is the same kind of person as my older brother. He was a snake from day one.”

  In one fluid movement, I leaned slightly back and turned to face him. I looked right into his eyes, so he knew I wasn’t afraid. My heart was beating wildly, and Gannon was still missing in action.

  “Someone like you would think that, Roald. That’s what makes you so predictable. You see everything so twisted that you don’t realize the nefarious acts you describe are your own. My grandfather was a great man. He left Kinnitty to start his own life, but he still made sure to keep the family business running smoothly. He took care of you even though you don’t have a grateful bone in your body.”

  “Predictable, am I?”

  This was the point that everything took a turn for the worst. Old Roald moved much faster than I thought possible. That cane flashed again as it came toward me in an arc. I didn’t have a chance to react beyond stumbling over my own feet as I tried to back away. I hit the ground, knocking the breath out of me.