by Jenny Hale
“I was drawn to the way she truly cared about people. It didn’t matter if they were strangers. People she met on the street, shopkeepers, taxi drivers… me. She treated everyone as if she’d known them forever. I wanted to be around that kind of empathy for others. I fell fast and hard for her—I couldn’t turn it off.”
“Did you find her a house?” Hallie asked, this new piece of Aunt Clara’s life like a rare treasure.
“I did.” He smiled, his eyes returning to the letter briefly, and then there was sadness in them, before meeting Hallie’s gaze. “She loved the house. But she didn’t buy it. She and Hank had been discussing the purchase. He’d planned to live there with her, but after getting engaged to him she refused to buy a house that Hank hadn’t helped her choose, so they ended up buying something else after they got married.”
Hallie barely noticed the heat of the setting sun. She was completely drawn to Lewis and his story. The decision to buy a house with Uncle Hank so he could be an equal part of it was so very Aunt Clara. She was always true to herself and her feelings, while still being wonderful to everyone who knew her.
“She came by my office downtown and told me she was going to wait a bit, that the engagement had changed her plans. While their relationship had been more serious than I understood, Hank’s proposal had surprised her—she hadn’t seen it coming. She was positively glowing about it. What had been a surprise to her had been a bombshell for the whole family. Hank had never so much as brought a girl to dinner, and yet he’d proposed without telling a soul. But I knew why, because I’d have done the same thing if Clara had loved me. Everyone was thrilled, and I had to be just as excited for them.
“For the entire engagement, I split my time between New York and Nashville to help with my mother. Clara was at all our family gatherings. We had too much wine, stayed up late… I got to see her when she tiptoed downstairs to get a glass of water first thing in the morning. I tried not to let my feelings grow, but they did. With every breath, I fell harder. She had no idea.”
“How heartbreaking.” Hallie was captivated. She couldn’t look away from this man. “But you had to know that she loved Uncle Hank.”
He nodded. “But it became even more difficult. She was around me all the time. With our mother’s health in steep decline, Clara was always there. She started asking me questions about growing her design business because I had done the same with real estate, and we connected on that, spending tons of time talking about ideas and how to manage the affairs of growth. I couldn’t escape her, and I also couldn’t make myself stop loving her.
“She made me want to be better. I started taking care of myself, worrying about how she perceived me. I’d close my eyes at night and relish the memory of her laughter, the smile she’d given only me when I’d said something amusing. I was torturing myself. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but I couldn’t make it stop.”
Hallie closed her eyes and thought of Ben. What would it be like for her if he were to get engaged to someone? She couldn’t help but think how her feelings would be quite similar. Now she knew that kind of love.
“Then my mother passed away. Something clicked, and the finality of her life ending made me impulsive. In my grief for my mother, an intense fear took over me, and at that time I just thought that if I didn’t at least try to tell Clara, I’d never know what was meant to be.”
Tears filled his eyes and he cleared his throat, the rest of his story still noticeably difficult to tell.
“I bought her flowers. Buttercups and hydrangeas, her favorites. I still remember how the cellophane around them rattled with my trembling hands. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was too young to understand that I could forever alter the course of all our lives by giving in to my feelings like I did. I should’ve considered how what I was about to do would affect everyone, but my mind was filled to the brim with Clara—there was no room to think about anyone else. I hadn’t gotten where I had in life by not taking risks, and at that time I felt this was a gamble worth taking. My future happiness depended on it. So I went to find her and ask her to choose me. I promised her that I’d spend my entire life making her happy.”
His head dropped in defeat.
“I was young and irresponsible. Clara basically told me that later, in her own kind way. And I see that now. But it was difficult to understand through the anguish and misery of hearing that she loved only my brother. I can still see the sympathetic smile she gave me as she told me, and it haunted me the rest of my life. I’d never failed before that moment. But not only had I failed with Clara, I’d completely ruined things with my brother. When it all finally came down on me in the days after, I realized I’d lost big time and I wasn’t sure how to recover.”
“Did you try to talk to Uncle Hank?”
“Once I’d made it through the haze of heartbreak, I tried to tell him how sorry I was, but he wouldn’t listen.”
“So what happened after that? Did you ever get married or settle down with anyone?”
He shook his head, but despite his answer he seemed content. “It was a moment that changed how I looked at life. While I wasn’t the one for Clara, I took hold of her compassion for others and the humanity in her interactions with people. It made me realize how empty my life was. I sold the business in New York and donated half of my fortune to charities that I felt strongly about. I invested the rest, sold my penthouse, and moved to Mexico, where I could fish and read on the sand for hours until the sun went down around me, and I could go to sleep and not have to think about what I’d done. I worked with kids, teaching them English, and I used some of my money to build a school there.
“But about eight months ago, I heard from a friend that Clara was ill. That was when I came to Firefly Beach. I kept a low profile, spending most of my time in the neighboring towns. I didn’t want to upset her. I just wanted to be near her, hoping by some miracle she’d feel my presence, and the admiration I had for her would keep her strong. It made no sense, but I wanted to support her and Hank, even if I wasn’t there with them. When she died, I moved here permanently, trying to find the peace that Clara found here. And I have.
“When I first came back though, just once, I saw her in town—it was early on in her illness and she looked tired and weak, but she was still beautiful Clara. I told her how she’d changed my perspective on life. I also told her how sorry I was for putting her and Hank in that position, and how my hope was that one day I could be forgiven. I asked her to tell Hank that I was here, that I’d stay out of his life until he wanted me back in it, but as soon as he asked I’d come sprinting. I’m still waiting for that day.”
“I wish I could help him to see,” Hallie said, the story making her feel a little overwhelmed.
“So do I.”
She handed Lewis the letter.
Lewis pressed it against his heart. “Mind if I read this in private?”
“Of course I don’t mind.” Hallie stood up and walked down the front steps, headed for the guesthouse. And at that moment, she realized she needed Ben.
TWENTY-FOUR
When Hallie opened the door of the guesthouse, she found Ben sprawled on the sofa, his eyes closed, wearing those big headphones of his. She’d have thought he was asleep were it not for the tapping of his foot against the sofa arm. He was probably listening to the latest track for one of his new bands. The sight of him filled her with the calm she needed. He sensed her presence and opened his eyes, sitting up. Beau stirred in his spot on his dog bed in the corner.
“Hey,” he said, taking off his headphones and setting them on the side table.
Hallie plopped down beside him. “I just had a very long talk with Lewis, and I can’t believe what he told me.” She was still digesting it all. “Before I go into it though, I need a glass of wine. Do we have any in the fridge?”
“I brought you a new bottle of the blackberry you like.” He got up to get her some.
“You did?” Hallie followed him into the kitchen area. �
�You were slam busy every day, closing up late that one night we talked, and you still had time to go out and get my wine?”
He gave her a loving look. “Always.”
Affection for him swelled in her chest. She felt the urge to give in to it, to tell him exactly how she felt about him, but it wouldn’t help anything. Lewis was living proof of the havoc that being honest could cause. Ben was honorable. He’d stick by her even though she couldn’t give him a family, and she feared she’d cause him regret. So instead of hugging him like she wanted to do, she hung back from him, walking around to the other side of the counter.
“I’ll pour us each some,” he said, turning his attention to the wine cabinet. He grabbed two glasses and filled them, handing one to her. “So what did Lewis have to say?”
“A whole lot. But just the thought of it all has made me tired. I’ll need some time before I can tell you everything.”
“You need to have fun. Drink that down.”
They sat across from each other and talked about nothing important, to clear her mind. They chatted about Ben’s latest work with his new band, how one of the songs was giving them all fits, and how he’d managed to secure a backup track with three of his favorite artists. Hallie had told him that she wanted to spruce the house up for Uncle Hank, get the bushes trimmed, make sure the irrigation system was up and running—he needed to feel like it was home again. Ben had made a joke about her using the hedge clippers, recalling when she’d nearly chopped an entire bush down to the ground while trying to wrestle the electric trimmers, making her laugh so hard she had tears in her eyes.
The entire time, she was filling up her glass. They hadn’t talked like this in so long and she’d missed it. She leaned heavily on her hand, settling in to a slightly numb state of euphoria.
Ben noticed her happiness and grinned at her. “I haven’t seen you this relaxed since your college roommate’s wedding.” He laughed at the memory. “What was her name? Beth?”
Hallie folded her arms and let her head fall onto them, her back heaving with her laughter. “I’m not that bad right now!” She remembered all the dancing she and Ben had done. She’d kicked off her shoes and dragged him onto the dance floor, insisting she lead. And he’d let her. They were such a funny pair together that the guests formed a circle around them, rooting them on. She lost her balance and started to fall, but Ben swung around in a flash, catching her and lifting her up, making it look like a move from the movie Dirty Dancing, which sent the crowd into cheers.
“Hang on.” Ben went over to the stereo, set his wine on the living room table, and started tapping on his computer. “I know what you need. Listen to this.”
He hit a few more keys and music filled the room. It had a beat that was as fluid as the waves outside, mentally rocking her mind back and forth before she could even get up to move her feet. It was fast and happy, rhythmic. Ben moved the coffee table to the side of the room, making Beau shift from his bed to the sofa. Then Ben took Hallie’s hands and pulled her to the middle of the floor.
“You can lead,” he said. “Just don’t dip me.”
Hallie started laughing again, but caught her breath for a moment when Ben spun her around. They were dancing, his hands moving along her body, her head tipping back, the moment like nourishment for her soul. No one else could make her feel like this.
After a few songs, the music slowed down, the sound of acoustic guitar filtering in around them—slow and soft like the wind. Her shoulders relaxed. She let go of Ben and leaned over to the table, grabbing her glass, drinking her wine, swaying to the sound of the band. She danced for a few beats before she noticed Ben looking at her with a soft grin on his face.
Gently, he took her glass and set it back on the table next to his. Then he reached for her hands, pulling her toward him, wrapping his arm around her waist and moving with her until they were slow-dancing together. She put her head on his chest, allowing herself to take in the scent that was so uniquely Ben. His lips hovered around the top of her head, and she could feel his breath.
“Do you like it?” he whispered into her ear.
She nodded, not knowing if he meant the dancing or the song, but she didn’t care. In that moment it felt like he could save her from everything going on around her. With this one dance, he could make it all fade into black.
His movement slowed further and she opened her eyes to see why. Ben held her gaze. “It’s more difficult now,” he said quietly. “Now that you know how I feel, I can’t hold it back anymore.” He pulled her closer. “I knew that would happen, which was why I left. I don’t know how you want me to be with you now.”
She reached up and put her arms around his neck. “Just be yourself,” she said honestly. She loved the way he held her, and she wondered if he could sense it.
With a tender grin, he said, “That’s the problem. If I’m myself, I want to do this.” Gently, he touched his lips to hers, and it was as if every nerve in her body had been asleep her entire life, waking with a vengeance in that second.
She pulled back and she could see the trepidation on his face, but something occurred to her. “Number four,” she said, before laughing quietly.
“What?” he asked, disoriented by her response.
She pulled him closer. “Number four on my list: kiss a boy I love.” Then she shrugged. “I have to. Aunt Clara said.”
Ben tipped his head back and laughed. Then his smile faded to that intoxicating fondness he had when he looked at her. He held her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers again. It was soft at first, their movements in perfect sync with one another, building, years of longing for this moment exploding in his response to her. She felt lightheaded and exhilarated, like anything was possible if they could just do it together. His lips were tender and gentle, and she devoured the summery salty taste of them mixed with the blackberry wine.
When they finally slowed to a more respectable level, Ben kissed her cheek and then said into her ear, giving her goosebumps down her arm, “We’ll have to do that again.”
Hallie couldn’t get her thoughts straight. All she could think about was how she wanted to throw caution to the wind and blurt out that she was completely in love with him. She understood now why he’d had to leave, because if she didn’t get out of there she’d lose her resolve. Their kiss had made it all too real and she didn’t know where to go from there. “We can’t,” was all she could get out, her emotions coming faster than she could decipher them.
He got closer to her face, with a love-struck grin. “We really do have to. You know how much of a perfectionist your aunt was with her work, and if this is going to count for number four on the list, it had better be perfect.” Ben pulled back, pleased with himself. “So that was just practice.”
“It was pretty perfect already,” she said, totally in the moment.
“Nah. We can do better!” Without warning, he picked Hallie up, running to the sofa, nearly falling over the coffee table, making her shriek and giggle at the same time despite her muddle of feelings. He laid her down, lowering himself over her, and brushed her hair out of her face sweetly. “Let’s practice some more right now,” he said, consuming her with his eyes, her past and present and future all there in his gaze.
This was the person she’d been born to love, the person she couldn’t live without. The way Uncle Hank had described his adoration for Aunt Clara—this was it! For the rest of her life, she’d compare everyone to Ben, and they’d lose because there was no one in this world more perfect for her. How had she not seen it? Suddenly, all her choices before this one seemed trivial. She’d never find another man who would even come close to making her feel like she felt right now.
Kiss a boy I love.
I love you, she thought as she looked into his eyes. I do. She wanted to tell him. She wanted him to know that everything he’d done for her, all the things he’d ever said to her—they’d all been so perfect. He’d done everything right. But they couldn’t… She felt the prick of
tears, panic and fear rushing in, and she pushed him off her.
“What are you afraid of?” he asked, sitting up next to her. “You meant that kiss as much as I did. What’s stopping you from giving in to your feelings?”
She wished by some miracle that they could move past her own issues, but if they couldn’t she had Robby to think about. She’d let her feelings make her choices for her, and if she continued to do that, she could ruin everything. Hallie knew what it was like to grow up with only her mother, and while her mother was wonderful, Hallie always felt the absence of a male figure in her life. She’d savored her time with Uncle Hank, and in Robby’s case, Uncle Hank’s health didn’t allow him to do the things he used to do with Hallie. Robby needed Ben for that. And the rest of her family needed Ben in other ways too.
Hallie didn’t have an answer to his question without giving away Sydney’s fears or disclosing her own, and she didn’t know if telling him any of it would change things anyway.
“Look. I know you pretty darn well,” he said, taking in a long breath and letting it out, clearly attempting to regain focus. “Something is eating you alive, and for whatever reason you won’t tell me what it is. I wish you would.”
He took her hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb, causing a lump in her throat.
“But I’m not going to put any pressure on you. Tell me in your own time.” He intertwined his fingers in hers. “Let’s get ourselves together, and later we’ll see if Robby’s back and take him to the fair. We’ll go on the rides until our tummies ache and our cheeks hurt from laughing, and I’ll win you an obnoxiously large teddy bear that you’ll have to drag around all night.”
Hallie laughed despite herself, her anxiety lifting. “Can we get one of Mable’s apple fritters?”