A Farm Girl's Despair (#5, the Winds of Misery Victorian Romance) (A Family Saga Novel)

by Dorothy Green

  He remembered choosing his words carefully so that she would think that he was about to embarrass her. Then he stopped directly in front of her. He saw her flinch as she did so. Good, this was going to be fun. He was such an ass to be doing this, but he simply could not help himself.

  His eyes shifted from the wall to his eyes and he noticed that they were beginning to water and his lips were trembling once more. There he was, the scared little rabbit. he enjoyed making his feel frightened, he guess that was in his nature. It made his want to scoop his into his arms, and he could not help but to smile at his. he did not like it one bit and his chin jutted out high in the air as he moved his gaze from hers and back to the wall.

  Evan had played a good trick, and nasty trick, but a good one.

  He was lost in these memories of the previous encounter as he walked on this Sunday morning with Scotch in his hand already feeling its effects. It was good for warming the blood, but he should not be drinking so heavily early in the morning.

  As he continued to walk, something caught his eye outside the windows. He walked over to the glass and looked out; what he saw made him smile. Not only did it make him smile, but it lured his outside.

  He opened the door and walked out into the crisp morning. The wind was still and the sky was blue and sunny as though winter had no effect on it at all. If it wasn't for the snow covered ground, one would think it was midsummer. He walked quietly, as quietly as one can walk crunching snow under ones boots. Then he saw her... playing and bouncing in the snow, just like a Snow fox. Then she would pick up snow and throw it in the air, twirling under it. It was a joy to watch Hilda Carson. It was the first time he had thought about her full name, and not just the maid. He continued to watch innocence without a care in the world. The snow made her so happy, and he felt jealous of her simple life without pressure.

  Then he picked up some snow in his hand and packed it into a ball, and then he threw it straight at her bottom. She squealed and turned in shock looking around wondering where it came from as he had behind the wall of the great house. She looked around in confusion, and he could not help himself but to laugh. Before he knew it he was roaring in laughter! Deep belly laughter like he had given her before, that one day in the library. She seemed to have this effect on him.

  "I know it is you sir! You may come out now..." she said yelling playfully.

  "You've caught me, "he said as he came out of his hiding place with his hands up. Boom! She nailed him in the face with a ball of snow. He looked at her in shock, and the smile fell from her face as though she suddenly realized or remembered that he was the master of the house.

  "Oh sir, I am so sorry; please forgive his! " she said as she ran over to him.

  He grabbed her shoulders, "How shall I punish you... " he said in a stern voice. He was only playing with her, but he could tell that she thought he was serious.

  He pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers. He thought that he would stop there, but he could not. He kissed her lips.

  He pulled away from her and looked at her large green eyes.

  “Hilda Carson, I know that this is sudden. Will you consent to be my wife? Will you marry me and be the Lady of Black Manor? I cannot expect that you love me, but can you grow to love?”

  “I... I...” she stuttered.

  “You do not need to answer now. You may think on it for as long as you wish.”

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  Hilda stood there stunned. For arranged marriages were the way of things in all lands, where either party did not know each other. She knew that she would never have a chance such as this for as long as she lives. To be given the opportunity be the Lady of such a manor and never to want for anything in her life ever again. She would never be without a home and she could send for her aunt and uncle to visit whenever she wished and lose the fear of Euron, for Evan Black would protect her.

  “I accept,” she said. Indeed, the quickness astonished her, but what did she really have to lose? He was an agreeable man, attractive, yet quick tempered, but he did not seem vicious.

  He smiled. “Excellent.”

  “Is this truly real? Or is this a trick sir?”

  “Evan, call me Evan, and no, it is not. Come, let us go inside, as you will be moved to agreeable bedchambers. Gather your things.”

  “Sir, I have no possessions. This is the only dress and boots I have that are not the uniform.”

  “It is?

  Then tomorrow I send for the dress maker to come to you. You shall have all new things. And Hilda... may I call you Hilda?”

  “Yes, you may,” she said.

  “Hilda, I promise you will be treated with respect and honour. I will not lay a hand on you until you give me permission on our wedding eve,” he said.

  “Thank you sir,” she said.

  He put his arm out to escort Hilda inside. Together they walked in silence and Hilda’s heart beat as fast as possible. She hoped Captain Brookend would not be angry with her, but Evan could send word to him and so he would not have a trip wasted to come fetch her.

  When the household servants arrived, Evan Black made the announcement and all were shocked, but no so much as Miss Thorn. Nevertheless, Hilda was moved to the grandest bedchamber she had ever seen. Two days later, the dress maker arrived with dresses for her, and made the tailoring to fit her perfectly. She had cloaks of fox fur and new boots and satin slippers.

  But all the attention was not on her, for Douglas Black was soon to arrive, and Evan saw fit to have their wedding when the entire clan was present, which made her nervous indeed, for what if they did not approve of her?

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  “Brother! It is good to see you once more! They miss you at Black Castle!” Douglas Black said to Evan as the clan arrived at the manor.

  Hilda was very nervous. What would his brother say when he found out that she was only a low maid and that she was not a Highlander, but English of Scottish descent? She could not think that he would approve.

  “You are most welcome all of you my clan brothers! Please come inside and have food and drink and warm your tired bodies by the fire!” Evan yelled. It seemed to have an odd effect on Douglas.

  “Brother, are you smiling? I have not seen this side of happy in you since we were boys,” he said.

  “You have her fiancé to thank for that. Allow me to introduce to you Miss Hilda Carson, my fiancé,” he said as he motioned in her direction. She bowed to the clan chieftain and had a polite smile on her face. She wanted him to approve of her appearance in a yellow and black plaid dress with her long redhead hair down around her face in curls.

  Douglas said nothing and that scared her, this was not going well and she could sense that something was wrong. The entire clan went silent. There was shock on all their faces and she felt like they were all staring at her in disgust.

  “Fiancé?” Douglas said. “I did not give my blessing for a marriage. You are well aware that the chieftain must give a blessing. Why has news not reached me of this marriage? Brother you...”

  “Would you care to come in, or have this conversation out here in the cold as your men wait, when there is hot food and a roaring fire inside,” Evan cut him off.

  Douglas looked at her in dark manner of distrust and nodded in greeting, but still said nothing to her. She felt her heart drop to her stomach. This was a problem. She did not know that the clan chieftain needed to bless the marriage. What did this mean? Did this mean they were not properly arranged and living together? Things were different here with different rules than in the Lowlands. She was so nervous and scared.

  “Men!” Douglas yelled as he walked inside, obviously angry. The men dismounted ready to have a hearty meal after a long journey. Evan wrapped his arm in hers and led her inside in support. It gave her a sense of confidence. Whatever happened, they were in this together.

  She watched as the men poured into the entry hall and sat at tables pouri
ng ale and eating. Douglas moved passed his brother and said, “Library, now.”

  Evan grabbed her hand and led her to the library. Once in the library Douglas let loose.

  “Have you lost your mind brother!? You do not go against your chieftain and do such a thing. I have come to bring you news, we are not just here for the fox hunt. I am to marry you to the daughter of the McCullough clan. They bring great wealth with them in this union. I have already made the promise!” he yelled.

  Hilda sat down on the bench, not able to hear another word. It was all falling apart. As quickly as this dream had been given to her it would be taken away.

  “No, I will not. I have told you as much. You married me off before to a woman I did not love and I lived in misery for you and the clan. I have made my sacrifice and now I marry for love. This woman makes me happy. This is what I want,” Evan said, yelling back.

  “And who is she, what clan? What wealth does she bring you?” Douglas roared.

  “She is of no clan. She is from the Lowlands and is English, she was my maid before I made her my fiancé,” Evan said proudly.

  Douglas froze, “Your maid! A Lowland! English? No! I do not bless this marriage! It is undone!”

  She erupted into tears.

  “I will renounce you from the clan before I bless this marriage and you will be stripped of all you have.”

  “No! Do not give up all that you are,” Hilda said standing up and facing Evan. “Twas a nice dream, but I cannot live with myself if you are forced to give up your legacy and your family name. It is not meant to be. I plead with you. Marry the woman your brother has set for you. When your cousin Captain Brookend returns, I will leave with him as was promised. Excuse me,” she said and ran out of the library and to her bedchambers.

  Hilda was devastated, though it was a dream short lived.

  In time, Evan did as his brother beckoned and agreed to be married to the woman he proposed and not Hilda. Hilda remained treated with honour and respect and as a guest and not as a maid, until Captain Brookend sent for her.

  Spring

  Southerness, Scotland

  “It is a pleasure to see you again child,” Captain Brookend said when she arrived on the docks. “Though you seem much more well-dressed than when I left you,” he said looking at her fine dress.

  “Your cousin was very kind to me and treated me as a guest and not a maid. He saw fit to see to my wardrobe as well.”

  “I see,” he said. She noticed that he looked at her with suspicion, but said nothing else.

  Within minutes they were on board the ship. Hilda sat on the deck fascinated by watching the sailors ready the ship to make way. Her eyes remained focused on the Captain that had now come to her rescue twice. He was a gentleman, she could tell, for she had seen them come through her uncle’s tavern many times. He was also a man and he saw her as a child. Those words echoed in her mind.

  “This way, child. You will have my cabin,” he said leading her.

  “Your cabin? Oh I could not possibly...”

  “You can and you will. I will sleep in the smaller cabin. Make haste, I have much to do on deck. I will have food brought to you as soon as we make way. There is water in the pitcher.

  She scurried behind him and into the cabin. He closed the door and left.

  She sighed and poured herself some water and plopped down on a bench.

  But this was the way of things for her first sea voyage. Captain Brookend was scarce in her view. He made sure that she was well fed and could walk about the deck when she wanted during the day. But he was a man of few words and put all his attention to his ship.

  Hilda felt quite astonished by the fact that she found herself on an adventure just like one of the books she was so fond of, and it was only the beginning.

  Once they got out to sea, she made it a point to sit on the deck. Of course she had seen the ocean before, but just that once when Ross had found her after she stole a dress. This time, oh, it was not just the shore of the ocean, she was out in the middle of it. It was quite a different experience, and also frightening. For she knew that it was very deep, and that anything could happen. But she found it quite calm and relieving.

  She could see why many men sought to go to see, for there was something about leaving the mainland and leaving all your troubles behind. For when you were on a ship out at sea, no one was going to come to you with new troubles, you were on ship with those around you and that was all. For her, she knew that her brother was not going to show up out of nowhere, for that was impossible because they were in the middle of the ocean and she found that to be a good feeling. Though it had been six months since she had last seen him, but he was often in these parts, if he were still alive at all.

  Just then a sea bird flew overhead. She stood up and walked to the rail and watched it dive headfirst into the ocean, she had never seen anything like it. Then it reappeared to float on the surface with a fish in its mouth. She wanted to clap and cheer it on, but felt quite silly to do so, so she watched in silence. Then a group of seals were swimming around the ship in circles. She knew what they were because of the books that she read, and the education that she had received from Adeline, but she had never seen one in real life nor has she ever expected to. She gasped.

  They were the most beautiful creatures that she had ever beheld. Their skin was grey and smooth, and they swam so gracefully. They seem to be smiling and having fun, as though playing like children. She loved them instantly.

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  Because she was having so much fun, she sat on the ship deck all day almost every day, watching the sea life, and watching the men do their work on the deck. She wished that she was a man and she wanted to do what they were doing, hoisting sails and doing all kinds of mechanical rope work that she found fascinating. But most of all she continued to look at the captain at the helm of the ship. She would never get tired of watching him steer the ship; he looked regal and elegant, such a brave and attractive man.

  She wondered if he still thought of her as a child, as he had thought of her before he took her to live with his cousin. She had not told anyone about what happened at the Black Manor. For she felt somewhat embarrassed by it all, and she did not know if Evan had told Ross anything about it, for Ross had not fetched her himself and had sent the same wagon that had taking her to the manor. Ross had met her at the end and then together they rode to port where his ship was docked.

  But she assumed that Evan and Ross were in correspondence; after all, how would Evan had known that Ross had sent for her? But she found it quite embarrassing to discuss it, and since Ross had not brought it up, she was not going to. But she did wonder, if he did know that she came very close to marrying his cousin, then he would not see her as a child any longer. For his cousin did not; in fact, he had kissed her. Therefore, if another man saw her as a woman, then so should Ross. But again she could not discuss such things with the man that had already done so much for her, for she did not want to offend him in any way. There was still a very long journey to go on the ship and she much preferred that it was a pleasant trip and not one filled with tension and argument, for she was quite exhausted after everything that she had been through. She was quite content to be lazy in the cabin, and to spend her days watching the sea life and the glorious orange sunsets and sunrises.

  At the end of the week, they arrived in London and soon were in a carriage going from the docks of the River Thames through town. Hilda sat glued to the window for she had never seen such a place before. This was the town she had heard so much of, and it was more than she could have ever imagined.

  “Now the Layles are the kindest people of my relation. Though I go years without seeing them, they are always welcoming to any thing that I may need. I saved Mr Layles’ life in the war and he feels that he forever owes me, though I consider the debt quite repaid. Still, I believe it it's the best place for you,” Ross said to her.

&nb
sp; “Yes sir, thank you. I wonder if I may write to my aunt and uncle once I am settled there? I would very much like to inform them that I am well, for they must think me dead,” she said.

  “Of course, you may. I will leave allowances with Mr Layles for all that you need.”

  “Oh thank you sir. I am truly obliged to you,” she said.

  “Think nothing of it. Since I am unwed and without children myself, I consider it a part of my responsibilities to do what I may for children in need that cross my path,” he said.

  Hilda turned away from him, for it did sting that he called her a child. For she was on the verge of becoming a wife herself to his cousin, and be the Lady of Black Manor, but of course he knew nothing of it.

  A short while later they arrived at a village on the northwest end of London called Hampstead Heath, at a very beautiful estate with ivy covered walls.

  Hilda sat in the parlour awaiting the verdict as Ross spoke with Mr Layles in his library. This would be her new home for the time being and she meant to make it a most pleasant experience as possible. Suddenly the door opened and in burst an excitable creature with blonde locks and big blue eyes and the happiest grin.

  “Oh, you must be Hilda. I have just heard you are to stay on with us! Oh that makes me so happy. We shall be as sisters, for my eldest sister is long married and left home when I was very young indeed. Oh how I have longed for another sibling, but Mama is not able to have more children and...”

  Hilda smiled as the girl rambled on, as she was relieved that there was a happy person to greet her.

  When all was said and done, Mr and Mrs Layles were quite delightful and it was decided that Hilda would stay with the family as long as would be needed, with the Captain sending allowances regularly for his new charge. Hilda felt that it might be very long, but she longed to return home to her aunt and uncle as soon as it was safe to do so from her brother.