Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

“I’m looking to find that same peace in the rest of my life. I know it seems weird that I’d be looking for those answers while receiving horse therapy, but if I can find some techniques, new visualization, or other mechanisms for coping, I will take that as well.”

  “You do know those things you mentioned are only temporary fixes and can only be used to cover or get through something already in motion. In order to bring the peace you feel while on your horse, into other parts of your life, you can’t don it like a jacket or step into like a room. It has to be interwoven in your soul, meaning your psyche, emotions, and will.” He leaned forward.

  “Peace isn’t a light switch you can turn off and on. It’s either part of you or not. You may find a place where you feel safe enough to touch it because there are no outside influences, but when those influences encroach again, you’re defenseless. For lack of a better phrase, you need to bring that safety net with you.”

  “My therapist said something like that before. I just don’t know how to do that.”

  “Well then, we have a starting place,” he said, pushing back from the desk. “Come on. Let me introduce you to someone.”

  He stood and headed back on the walkway to the temporary stables: the enclosures used as a holding area for horses being used for therapy that morning or afternoon. “Since you’re already familiar with horses, we won’t have to start from scratch.” He glanced over his shoulder at her. “Your paperwork stated that you competed. What type of horse riding did you compete in?”

  “Dressage and jumping.”

  He turned around to watch her reaction. “Would you say you’re still an accomplished horsewoman?”

  Her chin lifted just a fraction, but the coolness in her gaze was unmistakable. “My mother is the horsewoman. I just like to ride.” It didn’t take a therapist to see that there was some bad history there.

  “What do you prefer for the physicality of your horse?”

  “I like riding high.”

  He tried not to smile at her response, but when he caught eyes with Michael, the look he gave made him put his face down and cover his chuckle with a cough. “Well, Olive Oyl is a seventeen-year-old quarter horse. She’s on the taller side of our therapy horses at seventeen hands high. She’s very sound and very gentle. She’s actually a great fit for you because she was bred for jumping and had a pretty decent run while she was competing.” He walked up to one of the holding stalls and called to the bay-colored horse inside. “Hello, girl,” he crooned as she moved closer to the half door.

  The horse came forward, sticking her head over the door and nickering softly. She nudged Zach in the chest as he stroked her nose. “I have someone for you to meet, Olive. I think you’re going to like her.”

  He stepped back just enough for Shauna to reach her hand toward the horse from the side and let her sniff it. He watched as Shauna patiently waited for the horse to familiarize herself with her hand and arm. The horse nudged her hand over and Shauna moved slowly closer as Zach moved away, so the horse could track both of their movements.

  She raised her hand slowly to stroke the horse on its withers. “Oh, you’re a beauty.” Her voice, still raspy but no longer breathless, still had more of an effect on him than he liked. “What do you think? Do you think we might get along?” She spoke softly in a voice that could’ve wooed a crocodile. Zach clenched his teeth, determined not to fall under her spell because it would bring him nothing but trouble.

  Shauna blew on Olive’s nose and the horse blew back, making them friends.

  She turned her shy smile on him. “So, when do I get to ride her?”

  “This isn’t just about riding or controlling your horse. It’s about building a rapport with her, nurturing her, and cultivating a relationship with her while both of your feet and hooves are on the ground.” From the look in her eyes, he might have delivered the sentence more forcefully than he meant, but before his impulse to apologize kicked in, he threw up a wall. It might be best if she thought he was rough around the edges. It would most certainly keep her from using that voice on him. He didn’t want to know what he’d give up if she did.

  “Your main work will be to observe the way Olive Oyl reacts and moves in crowds. In order to understand her reactions, you’ll have to interact with her and get to know her as she gets to know you.” He said the last a little softer, but he could see from her posture that the damage had already been done.

  Her chin lifted in what he’d learned was a defense mechanism. “So, shall we begin?” Her lips thinned and he silently pouted about the unfairness of meeting a woman he could be interested in only from a kept distance.

  He gestured for her to return the way they came and signaled for one of the stable guys to take Olive from her stall.

  “Would you like to select your saddle?” he asked her, as if he’d asked hundreds earlier that morning. He saw her shoulders stiffen then relax slightly before she stopped.

  “Sure,” she said, not looking back at him.

  He walked forward, leading them to the tack room.

  This would be a long four weeks.

  Chapter 12

  SHAUNA VACILLATED BETWEEN excitement and annoyance. She was looking forward to her next day of riding the gelding on the jumping course, but she was less than enthusiastic about coming face-to-face with Zach. He both thrilled and confused her. She moved around the kitchenette, placing snacks in any bowls she could find while she waited for Kimmy to arrive. She loved her lodgings. The narrow hallway off the living room led to the bedrooms and bathrooms with a luxurious bathtub in each. Murphy had spared no expense.

  Her mind flashed back to that morning when waking up in a plush bed that wasn’t her own felt decadent. She’d wondered if the cabins had any type of room service but brushed the thought away as she took in her surroundings. Her cabin was definitely meant for a family of four or more with its three-bedroom, two-bath layout. The bedrooms followed a Southwestern theme with reds, browns, dark golds, and turquoise that reminded her of a trip she and her family had taken to the Grand Canyon when she was fifteen.

  She chose the bedroom with the subtlest colors. It was done in tan, off-white, and turquoise with accents of gold here and there. It was a calming décor—just what she needed after the last month.

  She sat up, surprised to see light pouring in through the blinds, and glanced at the clock to make sure she wasn’t late. It was a little after six thirty a.m. She figured the lack of pollution took the haze away from the morning sun. She bounded out of bed in anticipation of the day.

  She was dressed and showered in record time, then called Michael’s cabin to see if he was up and ready to go to the cafeteria for breakfast. He picked up on the second ring and assured her he was ready. She retrieved her gear before exiting the cabin and locking the door. She wasn’t surprised to see Michael now dressed down in a pair of jeans, a polo shirt, and light blazer, probably to conceal his firearm, standing outside her door.

  The cafeteria was set up family-style with four long, wooden tables that stretched across the back half of the room. It was a quarter full; most of the occupants were ranch hands at the moment from what Shauna could tell by the hats, clean but worn jeans, and chambray shirts. Some of them greeted her and Michael with nods, and others gave her appreciative glances then went back to their breakfast. Used to the looks in her riding clothes, she nodded back then took in her environment.

  Energy radiated through Shauna as she caught the smell of coffee and pancakes. Breakfast was set up buffet style and from what she could see, it was one of the most important meals of the day. No continental nod here.

  She set her things down at a spot Michael gestured to and walked toward the chafing dishes. She knew she couldn’t eat like she wanted to, because the riding session she’d scheduled the day before with Ona on the main track was in a half hour. She decided instead to sample a little of the eggs, country potatoes, and sausage, and wash it down with orange juice and coffee. She looked over at Michael’s plate and notic
ed he had no such reservations. “You’re not riding today?” she said, tipping her head to the side.

  She’d asked Michael early on during his prior detail for her if he rode. He'd said “Yes”, but she’d never seen him on a horse.

  “No. I find it easier to look after you from the ground,” he said, following her back to their seats.

  “But what if I get too far away from you and you need to cover me?” She tried hard to keep her face straight but knew he could see the telltale twitch of her mouth.

  “It’s a ring, Shauna. I think my math skills are good enough where I’d know the optimal place to watch you.”

  “What if I want to take a sunset ride on one of the trails?” He stopped eating and looked at her with one of his ‘serious’ looks. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t think about riding out on one of those trails at sunset.”

  “I heard the sunsets are really beautiful here,” she said, placing her food tray in front of her on the table.

  “Really? Where did you hear that?”

  She shrugged and took a bite of her eggs while she scanned the room for the equine therapist she was supposed to meet with later that morning, but she didn’t see anyone that fit the man’s description.

  “I’ll take you to one of the top ridges in the car. I’ll even let you ride in the front and open the sunroof.”

  “Really?” she said, not even bothering to keep the sarcasm from her voice.

  “Well, no. Now that I think about it, I can’t open the sunroof as long as you’re in the front seat.” He turned his focus back to his food. Shauna watched him for a moment to see if he was kidding, even though he usually didn’t when it came to her security. When he continued to eat, she sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes before going back to her meal.

  They were walking toward the outside track when she spoke again. “I can barely believe that you’d let me come here this morning.” She knew it was petty, but that’s exactly how she was feeling.”

  “I almost didn’t, but I figured it was okay after I went over and took a look to see if there were any security issues.”

  Shauna blinked at him.

  “What? You didn’t think I’d go over and do some type of reconnaissance? I’m your security detail, not your companion.”

  “Careful. Your ranger days are showing,” she said, trying to redirect the conversation so she could deal with the guilt of causing him extra work in private. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought about the consequences of her rash actions the afternoon before. She’d just been too excited by the prospect of an early ride to think about the work it would cause Michael.

  She blew away the guilt with a sigh and squared her shoulders. Her father was paying him to do his job and if that meant driving her all morning to another state then going into town to meet a security firm, only to come back and find he had to walk around a horse track for an hour, far be it for her to feel bad about it. But she did.

  She’d given the receptionist who booked her session the night before some details about the type of horse she preferred. Then after being introduced to Ona and answering some questions about her experience with jumping and dressage riding, she met Zeus, one of four horses that were out for exercise that morning. The gelding, though considered a little temperamental by Ona, was one of the most beautiful creatures Shauna had ever seen. The long, sleek legs and the chestnut-colored coat with a dark-brown mane made her palms itch in anticipation of riding him. If Maddison had been there, Shauna would’ve jumped up and down like a five-year-old girl who was just told she was going to Disneyland.

  She spent the first half of the hour communicating and getting to know Zeus. She crooned to him and walked him around the track after telling the stable hand the type of saddle she preferred. By the first hour, she had him eating out of her hand—or vice versa. The next hour she spent going through different warm-up laps. His stride was sound and his gallop was faster than the one she was used to at home. The ride was exhilarating. So much so, she lost track of time. She wasn’t ready for Michael to signal that it was time to leave for her therapy session, and spent a few extra minutes helping to cool Zeus down. She’d come to an equestrian ranch in the middle of Kentucky and fell in love with a horse. They practically had to race to the arena after she freshened up. Luckily, it was close in distance.

  When they rushed in the door of the arena, the last thing on her mind was her conversation with Kimberly a few days before. Once she’d gotten close enough to see him clearly, she almost stumbled over her own boots. Shauna’s heart started a quick staccato in her chest, but she blamed it on the half run, half walk she’d just taken for the last fifty meters. The closer she came, the harder it was for her to breathe. She was startled by her instant attraction to him. Even thirty feet away, she could tell he was tall, which was a definite plus given the average height of men in her profession. His broad shoulders tapered down into a lean waist and hips. His long legs were encased in a pair of jeans that looked made just for him. By the time she was close enough to look him in the eye, her digestive system had been replaced by butterflies.

  None of that compared, though, to the moment he looked up from the clipboard and into her eyes. The electric current that passed between them was palpable. She felt the hum all the way to her bones. Any stronger and she’d have to check to see if Michael had tased her.

  His light-brown eyes stayed locked on hers and if she hadn’t read him wrong from the beginning, she would’ve thought he was attracted to her as well. It wasn’t until Michael stuck his hand out to introduce them that the spell was broken. When he turned to shake Michael’s hand, she took in the long, straight nose with flaring nostrils above bowed lips: the lower rounding a little more than the top and tinged some type of light berry color. She considered and rejected a half-dozen kinds before those amazing eyes returned to hers, and her mind was arrested. He reached out to shake her hand, and in a trance, she took it before realizing she had her leather gloves on. She squashed the disappointment at not being able to feel his palm almost as quickly as it had come. What was wrong with her? She’d never reacted this way to a man.

  His caramel-colored skin was smooth and the brief glimpse she caught of a missing watch band told her he spent a lot of time in the sun. She’d begun to miss Maddison the night before when she remembered that it was their usual movie night. Now she missed her much more and couldn’t wait for her to visit and see this man for herself.

  She tried hard to concentrate on Zach’s questions once they’d all sat down, but her mind kept straying to why Kimmy thought he was aloof, what caused him to move back to Chandler County, and if he liked tall, milk chocolate-colored women with book smarts and a love for horses.

  Ten minutes later, she’d had her answer as to why Kimmy thought he was standoffish. He had horrible social skills. Once you got over the whole drop-dead gorgeous thing, the veil wore off and one could see that he was downright rude.

  Maybe she’d misunderstood his initial slack-jawed look. Maybe he thought she’d be older; most people did when they saw the Dr. in front of her name. Maybe younger or prettier... Maybe she was just stupid. She should’ve listened to Kimmy. She obviously understood Zach’s mercurial ways.

  A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts and she walked down the short hall. Upon opening the door, she was met with a squeal and found herself enveloped in a pair of cashmere-covered arms. “Shauna, I’m so glad you made it. I’ve missed you. I know we talked some earlier this week, but it’s so much better in person, don’t you think?” Feeling a little overwhelmed by the greeting, Shauna was at a loss for words for a few seconds. It was just enough time to cause Kimmy to feel uncomfortable and slowly back up.

  Shauna took her by the wrist and pulled her over the threshold.

  “Sorry. I was just so happy to see you,” Kimmy said as soon as the door closed.

  “Don’t apologize. You just took me by surprise. You look so good.” S
hauna stood there and looked at her former college roommate. She’d told the truth. Kimmy did look good. There was a calmness and peace about her now that wasn’t present when they were in school together. When Kimmy started to flush from all the attention, Shauna chuckled and gestured for her to follow her into the living room. Shauna moved over to where she’d been preparing snacks before Kimmy arrived. It brought Zach back to mind, but she quickly squashed it.

  “Do you mind if I have a look around? I’ve never been in one of these before,” Kimmy said, looking at a tapestry on the wall behind the couch.

  “No, go ahead,” Shauna said as she poured popcorn in a bowl.

  Kimmy started moving around the room, touching figurines and furniture. “They had an Open House a couple of years ago, but I was working, so I missed it. May I?” She pointed to the hall leading to the bedrooms and bathrooms.

  “Sure,” Shauna said as she placed a couple of bowls on the coffee table and sat on the edge of the couch to wait.

  “These places are really nice. Mr. Murphy spared no expense.”

  Shauna could hear her walking down the short hall.

  “So, how did your first session go?” Kimmy said as she walked back in the room.

  Shauna huffed out a breath. “You were right about one thing.”

  “What’s that?” Kimmy sat at the other end of the couch and took a handful of pretzels from one of the bowls.

  “He’s hot.”

  Kimmy giggled. “I told you.”

  “Yeah. You also told me he was aloof and standoffish, which I thought was just his way of keeping the lines clear between instructor and client. What you didn’t tell me was that he’s bad-mannered, ill-tempered, and should be seeking therapy himself.” She leaned back and watched Kimmy slowly pick her jaw up off the floor.

  “I don’t understand. He’s usually really nice even though he prefers to keep to himself.”

  “Well, he really must’ve wanted to be alone this morning, because it was all I could do to stomach him the hour and forty-five minutes I was with him.”