Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  “Because it’s a relationship and sometimes you need to hear your thoughts or have them brought before you in a situation that’ll give you clarity. Don’t you believe that there are times when you speak to your dad that he already knows what you’re thinking, but he patiently listens to you and guides you with questions to help you work out your question?” He paused.

  “I believe my relationships with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are only second in the line of importance to my salvation. He helps me maneuver through life, but more than that, He allows me to see different perspectives of situations, people, and experiences that may have otherwise caused me undue stress, anger, pain, or misunderstandings. Those mix-ups could lead to strife or division in the other relationships in my life.”

  “Your relationship with Him does all that?

  “Yes, and much, much more. One great gift is the peace I have. I’m not as insecure about myself or my future.”

  “Yes, but how do you get into this relationship with God?”

  “You spend time reading the Bible and praying. He knows what’s in your heart. If you struggle with the concept of Him being Creator of heaven and earth and simultaneously being closer to you than a friend, He’ll meet you where you are and use people, situations, things that you observe — anything you can imagine and some things you can’t — to help you.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands together. “From what I’ve observed, you have a decent relationship with your father.” He looked at her and even though he hadn’t phrased the last sentence as a question, she nodded.

  “When you were a child, like five years old, did you have conversations with him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you talk about the things like your career, bills, or relationships?”

  “No. We talked about things that five-year-olds talk about. I loved books, horses, dolls, and kindergarten.”

  He nodded. “And over time, you’ve spoken of more mature things because you’ve matured. You also got to know your father, first by what he did and said to take care of you, and later from some of his emotions and thoughts toward you and others. Your relationship matured because you began to learn more about him and not what his hands looked like when they picked you up, gave you something or administered discipline. You slowly gained a deeper understanding of your dad. It’ll be the same with God.”

  “That’s quite a bit to take in. I need some time to wrap my head around that.”

  He nodded again and leaned back against the couch again. “If you’re open, it’ll happen when it needs to.”

  “Okay,” she said, feeling satisfied with his answer, but she had more questions.

  “Okay?”

  “Yes. Thank you. Now, why are my parents coming to see me tomorrow?”

  Michael smiled and shook his head. She tried to stare him down, but he simply stood, leaned forward to pat her hand, and headed for the door. Just before he reached it, he turned to her.

  “If Zach is free, maybe you two can go for a ride tomorrow before your session. I have to go into town and make a few preparations.” She was dumbstruck, not from his change of subject or correctly assuming she’d need some riding time, but his willingness to place her in Zach’s care.

  “Close your mouth, Shauna,” he said, his eyes dancing. “I’m about to open the door.” She sat there and watched him walk out the door and heard when the lock slid closed. Michael liked Zach. She shook her head and smiled to herself even as she pulled her phone from her pocket to call her father.

  Chapter 20

  THE MORNING HAD BEEN perfect. Zach had met her as she exited her cabin. They’d walked to the cafeteria, laughing about Zach’s inability to figure out how to call her back that morning after their conversation the night before.

  Shauna had called both her father and mother, but neither had answered her calls. The fact that the phones hadn’t gone straight to voicemail but rang until the voicemail kicked in was both frustrating and troubling. She got ready for bed and decided to talk to Zach until one or both of her parents called her back. She spoke with Zach on his new phone for an hour before the emotional highs and lows of the day took their toll and she fell asleep cradling the phone to her ear.

  Their ride, like the one before, had become competitive and they ended up racing through the last lap. Zach won again, but she’d closed the gap. They let the horses cool down as they talked and rode at a leisurely pace, then rubbed them down before Shauna had to go to her session with Ryan.

  As he’d promised the Friday before, Ryan took her through a few exercises for extremely stressful situations she couldn’t escape physically. She was encouraged to make some of the techniques her own and by the end of the two-hour session, felt more than equipped to handle anything her parents threw her way.

  Three hours after that, she struggled to remember any of the techniques she’d been taught as she lay on the floor of her cabin, trying to draw one decent breath as her parents hovered at her sides speaking over one another in an attempt to get her to follow their instructions. The band around her chest tightened with each passing second. A few moments more and the encroaching darkness from the edges of her sight would fully embrace her. She wished it would happen already, the pain became excruciating. She clutched at her throat in some vain effort to get it to open enough to allow air through.

  She wanted to scream at them to let her be, but that would take air. Her body began to tremble and her mind became muddled and focused at the same time. It happened in those last few moments before unconsciousness came. It was her body and brain’s last-ditch effort to bring enough clarity to her mind to save herself.

  She heard a muffled bang in the background. Was it the emergency her father had called? It seemed both too soon and too long. Zach moved into her line of sight and she could’ve wept with relief. Yet one more thing that took air. He knelt at her head, took her hand, and brought his mouth to her ear. “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand once.” She used her dwindling strength to grip his hand.

  “We might be passed where your glass horse can help you. Did you take your medication?” She squeezed his hand twice, knowing it was too late with her throat closed.

  “Do you mind if I try something?” She tried to squeeze again but the lack of oxygen made her weak. “The Emergency Medical Team will be here soon with the oxygen. Until then, we need to take you away from whatever brought you here.” He rubbed his thumb along the pulse point between her forefinger and thumb. The constriction in her chest eased infinitesimally. “Want to race?” His voice was warm and the fact that it registered gave her a modicum of hope. “We’re fifty yards from the goal and Zeus is in the lead.” He lifted his head so she could look in his eyes and she saw nothing but calmness and focus. “Slow the picture down.” He squeezed her hand as though he was infusing her with his strength and moved back to her ear.

  “Zeus’ strides are long and sure, and with each touch of his hooves on the ground, you feel the leap forward. They just touched ground.” He squeezed her hand again. “You’re now flying. Feel the wind rushing by you. The air around you is clear because you’ve pulled away from me.” He paused for a moment and squeezed her hand again. “He touches the ground again and the goal is closer. You want to breathe the way he breathes and match your heartbeat to Zeus’. He’s in great shape. Thump thump. Thump thump.” He mimicked how a well-conditioned horse would breathe at the end of a race, but slower. “Do you hear him? Do you feel him?”

  She closed her eyes and let his voice transport her. She trusted him to know what he was doing. Her throat muscles loosened their choke hold and she took in the precious air. She wanted to gulp it in and began to panic again when she couldn’t get enough.

  “Focus on my voice. You’re doing good. Slow down, you’re getting ahead of Zeus. You have plenty of air; it’ll just come in smaller amounts until you fully relax.” She opened her eyes, noticing the room had come back into focus. Her parents’ worried gazes made h
er wince and Zach lifted his head at the movement. He smiled at her. “The hard part is over. Now that you know your body is responding, take some slow breaths with me.”

  Zach worked with her until the EMT arrived. She reluctantly let go of his hand, but he stayed in her sight at all times. She watched him as they administered the oxygen, asked her questions, and took her vitals. She doggedly ignored her parents and agreed to a sedative if Zach stayed.

  Shauna woke to a dark, cool room. She blinked and used the light filtering in from her door that had been left slightly ajar to see. At first, she couldn’t make out whether it was dusk or dawn but the lack of birds singing clued her in slowly.

  “Hi.” The disembodied voice startled her. Her eye searched the room for any type of silhouette but failed.

  “How do you feel?” She recognized Zach’s voice as it drew closer from the end of the bed.

  She took a brief examination of her body. She checked everything off her list except her head, which felt congested and her mind which felt like her thoughts came through a film of cotton.

  “Dry,” she croaked. He moved to the side she faced and retrieved a cup with a straw. She took a drag from the straw and sighed.

  “Good,” she said, lying back on the pillow. She looked at him, his features hidden by the shadows of her room. Her room. Why was he in her room?

  “Why are you in my room?”

  He sat down on her bed and took her hand. “You told me not to leave.” He squeezed it gently and the movement tugged at her memory. Flashes of scenes came to her, then began to flow smoothly into the disaster that was her afternoon.

  “I’m not in the hospital.” She wasn’t sure whether it was meant to be a statement or question.

  “No. You started breathing on your own and answered the most pertinent questions. You also already have a medication regimen, so after the doctor came and examined you, they felt it would be best for your emotional well-being if you stayed in a familiar setting.”

  “I don’t remember all that.”

  “You’d received a heavy muscle relaxer/light sedative. You were basically on autopilot.”

  She thought about his explanation and was thankful that he was there to expound on her afternoon.

  "What time is it?"

  "Nine thirty at night. I actually thought you’d sleep through the night."

  “I’m so sorry for inconveniencing you. I remember being on the floor and you speaking in my ear, trying to help me breathe. Do you know what happened?”

  He let out a breath and shook his head. “When I walked in, you were deep into your attack. Your mother and father weren’t having any success in getting you to calm down. Michael came to me at the arena, asking for my help and we ran over.”

  “My mother...” she began, confused as to why they’d be there, when she felt a click in her mind and the door to the information she was searching for opened. She tried to stifle a gasp as the emotions swamped her.

  The betrayal was front and center. Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked up at Zach. She saw the worry reflected in his face as he moved closer.

  “Are they still here?”

  “Yes. Do you want me to get them?”

  “No!” She held on to him with both hands. “Shhh,” she said, as if she could smother the sound she’d just made. She saw his eyes flash with wariness before he schooled his features.

  “They’re going to want to see you and make sure you’re doing okay.”

  “Yes. I know, but I need a few minutes to absorb what happened, what they said, what he did.” Her voice broke on a sob and Zach’s strong arms enveloped her. She cried like her heart was breaking.

  “Aww, baby.” He cooed. “It’ll be okay.” She knew he meant well, but she completely disagreed and that made her feel more alone than she’d ever remembered feeling.

  After a few minutes, Shauna worked to get herself under control. She felt Zach reach over and a tissue appeared in front of her. She took it and tried to discretely wipe her eyes and nose.

  “They found the stalker,” she said quietly as if she were afraid to hear herself. Zach nodded.

  “He’s my father’s son.” She couldn’t keep her voice from shaking.

  “Your brother has been stalking you?” Zach said, his voice filled with confusion.

  “Not Xander.” She wanted to whine. “Someone else. Someone my father had with another woman when he was married to my mom.” The last of the sentence was lost in a wail. She felt Zach’s arms squeeze her tighter and she wished he could squeeze the pain out of her heart.

  “I wouldn’t have believed he was capable of doing such a thing. I thought he loved her until she became unbearable, but it wasn’t her. It was him.” She pulled away from Zach, her eyes imploring. “I looked up to him. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.” She shook her head, ignoring the physical pain.

  “Now I find out that the person I’m here hiding from is his son.” She laughed at the irony. It was an ugly laugh that verged on hysteria. “My father is indirectly responsible for the recent threats to my life.”

  She laid her head back on his shoulder and felt him slowly rock her. She started crying again, but as she did so, she embraced the hopelessness of the situation. She felt a rumbling in Zach’s chest as if he were speaking, but she had a hard time making out what he said. She quieted herself and realized he was praying for her. He prayed for her heart, her comfort, and for peace to overtake her. He prayed for her relationship with her parents and her ability to forgive. He thanked God for keeping her out of danger and asked for her continued safety. He prayed for God to give her wisdom and understanding for what she should do next, and that when she laid her head down for the night, He’d give her rest that would help to heal her soul.

  It was one of the most beautiful prayers she’d ever heard and he’d prayed it for her. Her tears started anew, but this time they were mixed. Most were still released out of pain, but there were some shed in gratitude for a man who cared so much for her heart.

  She cried herself to sleep with Zach’s arms wrapped around her, the rumbling in his chest lulling her deeper into a place of well-being.

  Chapter 21

  “THAT IMBECILE.” THE disgust in his voice filled the cabin of the car. He could hardly believe the blind luck the security firm had. From what he’d witnessed, their incompetence was the only thing stellar about them, yet they managed to apprehend his pawn. Normally, he wouldn’t care about the man getting tripped up by his own stupidity, but it messed with his timeline. He had the perfect plan and he hated having to abbreviate it.

  Too bad he wasn’t there when the righteous, almighty Dr. Atherton Nathan found out that his infidelity from twenty years ago created a son. A son he wasn’t aware of until said son was caught stalking his youngest daughter. He wondered if his beautiful ex-wife knew about his cheating ways before that night. He laughed at the thought of that spitfire cutting him down to size. The universe had a way of bringing balance to everything. His smile was grim. That would wear on his conscience for a while and wreak havoc on his relationship with his daughter, but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.

  He thought back to some of the chances he’d had to take the man’s precious daughter from him and he gripped the steering wheel tighter. She had nine lives or something. Twice she’d eluded death or harm by his hands.

  The first was her rescue from the abandoned cabin fifteen miles from any other living soul. He had been furious and then frustrated to find that he couldn’t get near her after that. She’d been better protected than the president’s child. .

  The second was when she’d finally come out from under her father’s heavy guard. He was so close to setting up the brother for her murder, but it looked like he would just have to create another perfect situation.

  He watched as the woman stepped from her apartment. He checked his watch. Well, he couldn’t run his watch by her movements, but it was pretty close. Hadn’t her parents tau
ght her that it was dangerous following the same daily routine? It would make it way too easy for people watching to know where she was from moment to moment. He watched her get in her car and pull away from the apartment complex. He waited until she was halfway down the street before pulling away from the curb and following her.

  Since almost everyone else had scattered, probably to where they were hiding Shauna, he needed to keep an eye on this one. He may have to speed things up, but he wouldn’t lose out altogether.

  After driving twenty minutes, she pulled into the parking lot of a western apparel store. Oh yes. It wouldn’t be long now. Soon, he’d have the revenge he deserved. Karma or no, he wouldn’t wait another twenty years for the universe to divvy out Dr. Nathan’s penance. He’d help it out by destroying the one thing the man loved the most — his daughter.

  Chapter 22

  “HE’S WASTING HIS TIME. I don’t want to see him, let alone talk to him.”

  “I can understand your reluctance, Shauna, but you have to know how badly he’s hurting,” her mother said, taking her hand.

  Shauna stared at her mother dumbfounded. “How badly he’s hurting?” She shook her head at the irony of mom’s statement. “I don’t understand how you can sit here playing his messenger. His betrayal wasn’t just against me. He cheated on you,” Shauna said, feeling the heat of her anger rising to the surface all over again.

  Her mother was quiet as she ran her fingers along the back of Shauna’s hand and digits. “I’ve had more time to think about it,” she said, not looking up at Shauna.

  Shauna’s thoughts came to a screeching halt at her mother’s words. “How much time?”

  Her mother looked up and smiled at her ruefully. “About twelve years.”

  “So, all this time you didn’t know about Richard?” Shauna asked, referring to her father’s son.

  Her mom shook her head. “I found out about him when Atherton asked me to join him on the trip here.”