Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  Jade thought back to the vows people made back in the time of the Old Testament. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely ... Right now, there didn’t seem to exist human language that could describe what Jade would do to anyone who even threatened Dez’s safety.

  May God have mercy on their soul, she thought. But even God’s mercy was too good for anyone who hurt her daughter.

  Chapter 9

  WHEN MIDNIGHT CAME, the temperature had dropped to thirty-two below, and there were now both helicopters and rescue dogs involved in the search. Nobody said so, but Jade knew everyone was thinking the same thing.

  A five-year-old in this cold could never survive until morning. A soft blanket of snow fell, diffusing the search lights so it looked like Jade was looking at the world through an eerie haze.

  Where was Dez?

  Aisha was still outside, but most of the original volunteers had gone home, replaced by others ready to search through the night if necessary. Jade watched the snow falling with a forlorn resignation, knowing that in another hour or less, any tracks that might have led the rescue teams to her daughter would vanish forever. Then again, maybe the snow was actually a blessing. Maybe it would provide Dez with a blanket to keep her warm through the night.

  No, she wouldn’t think like that. Dez wasn’t out in this cruel winter climate. And she hadn’t been kidnapped or harmed by anyone from Morning Glory, either. She was still inside the church, warm and safe and sleeping peacefully. Jade would be so relieved to find her daughter perfectly unharmed that she wouldn’t even dole out all the punishments she’d been daydreaming about earlier.

  Was it really possible that this was the same night she’d stood in front of her church and shared her testimony? Just a few hours ago, being abused, pregnant, and shunned by everybody but her parents was the most traumatic experience Jade could imagine, the most challenging trial she’d ever have to endure.

  Until now.

  Dez was born out of despair, hurt, and humiliation, but Jade had loved her from the beginning. Throughout the pregnancy, even with those chaotic hormones and that relentless confusion, Jade had been protective of her baby. Her love for her child was no small miracle considering Jade had never been overly fond of children. She wasn’t like other girls who dreamed of nothing but marriage and motherhood. Jade had goals too, but hers involved feats like winning the Nobel Peace Prize, working relentlessly to help the nation achieve racial equality, and earning her law degree before her twenty-fifth birthday.

  At first, she convinced herself that her teenage pregnancy did nothing but put those plans on hold. The older Dez got, the more Jade had come to accept that her prior ambitions would have to go unrealized. As a single mother working for minimum wage at a daycare, Jade was lucky if she managed to pay her heating bill every winter. How was she supposed to put aside money for education, let alone find the time to take any classes?

  Some days, Jade was depressed at the way life had derailed all her prior dreams, but now she hated herself for ever wanting anything more than to have her daughter by her side, safe and sound.

  She longed for a kind word from her mother, a friendly hug from her father, but they were both gone. Her father met his end shortly after attacking Pastor Mitch with that baseball bat, and Mom’s high blood pressure and failing heart couldn’t hold up to the stress the family endured in the aftermath of the assault.

  It wasn’t fair. Because of Pastor Mitch, Jade had lost both of her parents.

  “Here you are. I thought maybe you’d gone back inside the church to warm up.”

  Jade turned to see Mrs. Spencer, Dez’s Sunday school teacher, and said, “I thought you went home hours ago.”

  “I did but just long enough to drop the twins off with their mom and grab warmer clothes.” She looked down at her snow boots. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I was sure she was upstairs with you.”

  Jade didn’t want to be angry with Mrs. Spencer. She wanted to accept her apology. But how different would this evening have looked if the old woman had just followed Dez upstairs instead of sending a five-year-old up to the sanctuary by herself? In a town as small and safe as Glennallen, with a church where everybody knew everybody else, Dez should have been fine. But the night was so dark, and the temperatures were still dropping.

  Jade ignored Mrs. Spencer’s apology, prayed that God would forgive her for her bitterness, and continued tramping through the snow in search of her daughter.

  Chapter 10

  “BEN’S AT THE CHURCH looking for you. He said he found a warmer coat and some snow boots you can borrow.”

  Jade could barely process Aisha’s words. “What time is it?” she asked.

  “Almost two. I know you don’t want to stop, but you need to come in and at least warm up.”

  Jade surprised herself by not protesting when her friend put her arm around her and started leading her in the direction of the church. Her legs ached, and everything below her knees was numb from cold and wet from the deep heaves of snow.

  Aisha didn’t try to talk while they walked, and Jade was grateful. She was too tired and emotionally drained to carry on any sort of conversation. It was good of Aisha to still be here. Most of the other volunteers had returned to their heated homes, leaving the search to the rescue dogs and professionals. If Dez had wandered outside, she would have been found by now, or at least someone would have stumbled over her tracks.

  Which only left one conclusion.

  The air inside the church was so hot compared to outside that Jade could hardly breathe. She had to find some way to escape from the feeling of intense heaviness that threatened to crush her under its impossible weight. She turned to head back out.

  Ben hurried toward her. “Wait a minute. You need to warm up.”

  Jade braced herself against the sternness in his voice. “I need to find my daughter.” The urge was primal, unshakeable. She couldn’t reason it away or depend on common sense at the moment. She had to get Dez back, and she wasn’t going to rest until her daughter was safe.

  “We’ve checked on a few of the leads,” Ben told her, holding up his list of suspects. “Don’t worry, we’ll find her.”

  Jade knew he was in no position to make any promises, but she clung to his words nonetheless.

  He pointed toward the stairs. “One of the ladies from church brought you heavier clothes. And they’ve got basins of hot water in the kitchen for warming up your feet. Why don’t you head down there now, and I’ll be with you in a few minutes. I have some more questions for you about your old church.”

  Jade tried to read between the lines. If Ben was focusing all his attention on Morning Glory, did that mean he was convinced this was a case of kidnapping or intentional foul play?

  It was a possibility Jade wasn’t willing to accept. Not yet. Dez was a tiny little wisp, feisty as anything, but small enough she could roll herself into the size of a beach ball. Couple that with her stubbornness and her ability to fall asleep anywhere, and she might be perfectly safe in a cupboard or a drawer in this nice, heated church, somewhere nobody’d thought to look yet.

  “Where are you going?” Ben called as Jade headed to the Sunday school rooms.

  “I want to check everything one more time,” she answered, thankful he didn’t protest.

  Dez was here. Jade knew it. Because if her daughter was outside in the cold or if she’d been abducted and was in danger, Jade would know. Her heart would cleave in two, making it impossible to think, to speak, to function. The fact that Jade was still standing on her own two legs was all the proof she needed that her daughter was alive and safe.

  All she had to do now was find her.

  Chapter 11

  “I THOUGHT YOU WERE going to change into dry clothes,” Ben said when he found Jade rummaging through the Christmas pageant costumes in the storage closet downstairs.

  “I will. Soon.” In a pile of shepherds’ garb, Jade spotted a splash of color that might have been one of her daughter’s
barrettes. Tossing costumes haphazardly aside, she reached down to find it was only a fake jewel from a wiseman’s crown.

  Ben’s voice was both firm and gentle. “You need to change your clothes and get warmed up. Then we can look around the church more.”

  “She is really good at hide-and-seek.” Jade spoke the words as if she were trying to convince Ben of what they both knew was a lie. She couldn’t stop herself. “At the daycare, she’s always going around hiding in cabinets and drawers. Once she even crawled into the toy chest and fell asleep beneath all the dress-up clothes. She’s here. I know that she’s got to be here.”

  Ben touched her gently on the shoulder. “I’ve already searched this whole closet myself. Twice.”

  Something about Ben’s touch shook her to her core. Or maybe it was the way her feet had finally started to thaw and were now screaming with pain. Her whole body began to tremble.

  “She’s got to be here,” she repeated, her voice weak and almost as shaky as her core.

  Ben rubbed her gently on the shoulder, and she turned to him as tears streamed hot down her face. “Do you promise that you’re going to do everything you can to get my daughter back to me?” The inherent confession in her question, the admission that she knew her daughter was in danger, brought on another round of trembling and a sob that nearly worked its way out of her clenched throat.

  Ben reached out and touched her chin, tilting her face up until she was staring straight at him. Wiping a tear away gently with his calloused thumb, he nodded. “I promise. Now let’s go get you warmed up.”

  Chapter 12

  WHILE HER FEET SOAKED in a pan full of hot water, Jade sipped at some tea. Her legs ached as they continued to thaw. She would have preferred to be out in the cold, at least able to convince herself she was doing something useful.

  Aisha sat with her and prayed, and Mrs. Spencer joined in for a little while too. Jade was thankful for their concern but couldn’t help wondering if all that time and energy they put into their prayers would be better spent hunting for her daughter.

  “Brought you something to eat.” Ben stepped up and handed her a ham and cheese sandwich on a paper plate. Jade hated sandwiches and had since elementary school. Besides, how could she eat now when she didn’t know if her daughter was kidnapped or lost in the woods or maybe already dead?

  “You should have it,” Aisha urged, and Jade nibbled at the whole grain crust with disinterest. Aisha stood up to get more tea.

  “I’ve been going over the notes from the pre-trial,” Ben said, crushing any hope Jade had that she might be able to stomach her food. He sat down across from her with a frown. “I read about your father.”

  Jade shrugged. She should have figured he’d find out the truth sooner or later.

  Ben sighed. “I know it doesn’t change what happened, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

  She glared at him. “Why? It wasn’t your fault.” What right did he think he had, probing into her past and making her relive that awful pre-trial period? Did he seriously think that now was an appropriate time to bring it up?

  Ben shuffled some pages he was carrying. “Well, we’ve managed to narrow down the suspect list.”

  She wished she could turn her ears off. She wasn’t ready to face the reality that this missing child case was morphing into an abduction investigation. It was too much for her to handle. She buried her head in her hands.

  “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” He sounded sincere, but how could he understand even a fraction of what she was experiencing?

  She met his gaze. “Do you have children, officer?”

  He shook his head.

  “I didn’t think so,” Jade mumbled. And yet here he was pretending to be sympathetic. What would he know about parenthood or the terror that comes from realizing you failed to protect your own child?

  She didn’t need more tea. She didn’t need a stupid sandwich. She needed her daughter. How many times had she lost her temper or gotten angry at Dez, who was every bit as sassy as Jade had been at that age? She’d take it all back now if she could, the drawn-out lectures, the angry shouts, that infamous Mom stare she’d perfected when Dez was still in her terrible twos.

  “It must be hard working with the police after what happened to your dad.” Ben’s voice was soft, so quiet Jade wondered if she should simply pretend not to have heard.

  He didn’t know anything. He couldn’t.

  Jade hated him. She hated his condescending pity, his flashy blue uniform and everything it represented in her past. She hated the fact that she was sitting here like a helpless victim instead of marching outside and leading the investigation to find her daughter.

  Aisha returned, passing Jade a new cup of tea and taking her empty mug from her. “Maybe you should get some rest.” Aisha had been Jade’s best friends for years, but tonight was a clear and obvious reminder of their differences. If Aisha were a mother herself, she’d understand how insulting the suggestion was. Sleep? How could she expect Jade to sleep on a night like this?

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Ben replied, as if his opinion settled the matter. “I can drop you off at your place if you want.”

  Jade crossed her arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I promise I’ll call you with any updates.”

  She shook her head. “I’m staying here.”

  “Maybe you could rest on one of the couches,” Aisha suggested softly. Jade rolled her eyes. Maybe Aisha was the kind of girl who could fall asleep on a whim, even with the investigation of her daughter’s kidnapping ongoing in the next room, but Jade wasn’t.

  “I’m fine. I just need to get more coffee.” She stood up.

  “Are you sure?” Aisha asked with a pained expression on her face.

  “Positive,” Jade grumbled. She brushed past her friend and stormed over to the coffee pot, unable at the moment to look at her compassionate eyes without breaking.

  She’d need all the energy she could get to make it through the night.

  Chapter 13

  “JADE? EXCUSE ME. ARE you awake?”

  She jumped at the sound of the familiar voice, banging her head on some kind of shelf. “What in the ...”

  “Shh.” His tone was calming. Soothing. “It’s all right. It’s me, Ben. I just had a few questions for you.”

  She blinked. Why wasn’t she in bed? How could she have fallen asleep?

  “You’re in the church closet.” Ben reached down and picked up a wise man costume Jade had been holding.

  Her brain wrenched in protest as every single horrible replay of last night crashed around her memory banks. “Did you find my daughter?” She stood again, this time knocking over a box of flannelgraph Bible characters before stepping out of the closet.

  Glancing down the church hallway, she studied those around her, trying to figure out if Ben woke her up with good news or bad. Nearly all the faces were unfamiliar: police officers from Anchorage, troopers from the surrounding areas, search and rescue teams deployed from God alone knew where. They all looked tired and worried, not a good sign, but at least they looked busy, which meant the investigation was still ongoing.

  Which meant there was still hope. Right?

  She braced herself for whatever news Ben had for her.

  “Do you need more coffee?” he asked. “A sandwich?”

  She shook her head. Why couldn’t he just get straight to the point?

  “Let’s take a seat.”

  As they passed through the church kitchen, she glanced at the time. Just after five in the morning, with at least another five hours to go before the sun even thought of rising. How much snow had fallen last night? How long could a child as small as Dez survive this long outside?

  Jade clenched her fists and jutted up her chin. Whatever news Ben brought her, she was ready. Anything was better than this uncertainty, this waiting.

  “What can you tell me about Keith Richardson?” he asked.

  “Elder Kei
th?” It had been years since she stepped foot in Morning Glory’s ornate church building, but the title came to her out of habit.

  Ben nodded.

  “He was one of my dad’s best friends.” Jade wondered what kind of information Ben was looking for. What did he want her to say?

  “He’s the leader of Morning Glory now.” From Ben’s tone, Jade couldn’t tell if he was asking her a question or stating a fact.

  “Yeah, he took over after Pastor Mitch died.”

  “The church website still calls him Elder Keith, not pastor.”

  Jade shrugged. It was no surprise. The church would remain loyal to Pastor Mitch no matter how horrific his crimes had been in life.

  “Was Keith Richardson upset when your family went to the police about your pastor?”

  She nodded. At first, she was thankful to Ben for his discretion. Thankful he didn’t use words like rape or abuse, labels that had been thrust on Jade’s shoulders since she was a teenager. But the more she thought of it, the more his question smacked of condescension. Did he think she couldn’t handle hearing the truth spoken out loud? Did he think she was that fragile? She sat, waiting for what he would say next.

  “Have you been in contact with Keith Richardson since you left Morning Glory?” The question was direct. Abrupt. As if for a moment he’d forgotten that Jade was the victim’s mother and not a suspect herself.

  “We stopped having anything to do with him,” she answered. “He was one of the most vocal opponents of us going to the police. He even offered to pay my family money to keep it quiet.”

  “But you haven’t had any contact with him recently?” Ben was staring at her with an intensity that made her heart race. What was he suggesting?