I might never forgive or understand her actions, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a relationship with her. But it was done, and I could push that thought to the back of my mind.
I had practice in an hour, so my one-track mind forced all thoughts of Ryann away and went into pregame mode. Coach wanted me on the first line which thrilled me to no end, but I had to deliver. Getting the spot meant one thing, stats meant another.
Playing the best and not getting injured were essential, and I stretched and decided to head to the rink early. The unsettled feeling was probably because of reaching out to my mom, and physical outlets always helped.
I clocked up, carried my bag, and made the walk toward the rink. It stood on the edge of campus, and my heart thudded with a different kind of excitement when I approached the doors. The rink was my home, the ice was my safe zone, and hockey was my way to attend college. I loved it and needed it like oxygen, and I couldn’t recall a time that arriving at the rink and smelling the clean cold air didn’t put me at ease.
This time, Michael Reiner stopped talking to another player the second I walked in, narrowed his eyes at me, and marched over with long strides. I froze, absolutely prepared to get punched in the face.
He had to know. Ryann must’ve told him. My stomach soured to the point I gripped my bag tighter and took slow breaths. His eyes were intense, but before he got right in front of me, he smiled.
Wait. What?
“I need to thank you, J.D.” His face softened, and he blinked too much, almost like he was nervous.
“Why?”
“You took care of Ryann.” He smiled, but it was the same half-smile Ryann wore the past few days. Not real or genuine. “Our mom’s birthday is hard on both of us, but she and my mom had all these traditions and well… she told me what you did.”
That we spent the afternoon naked?
I cleared my throat, and he put a hand on my shoulder. “You were there for her. I can’t fucking tell you how much that means to me. I might’ve hated you rooming together, but fuck, I’m glad she has a friend.”
Oh god.
The secret reared its head, and I wanted to sink into the ice and disappear. He looked so earnest and grateful that I nodded.
“Right, yeah,” I said, sounding like an idiot. He had to know his words tore me up inside. It was a struggle, a fight to the death in my stomach. Did I tell him? Did I confess?
Did I end it with Ryann?
No.
My heart lurched to the point it pressed against my ribcage, and my feet felt like a million pounds. I couldn’t end it with her. I didn’t want to. She was… shit.
“You good, man?” Michael asked, his brows coming together in concern. “You paled.”
“Yeah, sorry.” Get it together. “Nervous about Friday.”
“Nah, don’t be. We can take ‘em.” The senior hit my shoulder again and guided us toward the locker room. “You’ve been putting in work, J.D. You’re ready. Your fundamentals are spot the fuck on, and your focus is insane. Some people are meant to play the game, and you’re one of them. Remember that.”
I nodded and got ready for practice, putting on my pads and jersey, then my skates. His words should’ve settled me. Michael was honest and would call out poor performance to the younger players. He didn’t bullshit.
And yet… the guilt grew in my gut so bad I dropped my stick before heading onto the ice to warm up. This wouldn’t do.
I either needed to get Ryann to tell him and convince her it was a good idea, or end it like we agreed.
Neither option was acceptable, yet I knew a decision loomed the closer we got to opening day.
Practice kicked my ass in the best way. My muscles were sore, but my focus was there. I was ready for Friday. The team played together like we’d been teammates for years. Passes were almost flawless, and excitement bubbled around us. We were all in this year—Michael’s final year, the twins playing their heart out since this was their last year at the school since being drafted, and even Tate led with so much passion and drive—it motivated all of us.
We were going to go far. I felt it in my bones, and I needed to be a part of it.
I threw my dirty clothes into a hamper and treaded out into our living room just as Ryann walked in with her hair down, wearing a tight black shirt and jeans and fuck, I wanted to pull her to me.
“Whoa, what did I do to earn this Jonah smile?” she said, winking before setting her keys down in our bowl.
It wasn’t even weird to think of our stuff anymore. We shared everything. Our groceries, our utensils, our towels. A pair of her shoes was still in my room from when we undressed each other in a hurry last weekend, and despite my insistence on keeping everything clean, a little bit of her chaos felt good.
Right.
“I had a great practice,” I said, moving toward her and picking up a strand of her hair. It was soft and always smelled so damn good. “You look nice,” I said, my voice getting a little deeper than I meant to.
“Thanks,” she said, biting her lip and narrowing her eyes. “You have this… energy about you right now. Is it pregame jitters?”
“Yes, but not jitters. I’m ready. Mentally and physically.” I moved my hand to caress her shoulder, rubbing her muscles a bit and cupping the side of her neck. Her soft skin made me want more, and when she shifted her weight to lean into me, my heart beat faster.
I was into her. Like, stupid into her. Her smiles, her joy, her sadness that hit her every once in a while. All of it.
“I’m really happy for you, Jonah. You put so much time into the sport. I have no doubt you’ll be excellent and kick ass this season.” Her voice sounded sad, and her blue eyes dulled a little, sending an alarm raging in my head.
We tell Michael or stop.
The unwelcome thought made every cell in my body tighten. Ryann moved closer to me and put her hands on my chest, her mouth curved up on one side. “I’ll be there cheering you on every game.”
“Yeah?” God, that sounded amazing. She could sit with my dad and—wait.
“Absolutely. I’m not going to wear your jersey number or anything, but I’ll scream my face off when you score goals.”
“I like the sound of it.”
She licked her lips and let out a long, sad sigh.
I pressed my mouth to hers, stopping her from whatever she was going to say. Hearing her try to end it would kill me. So, I took the mature route and kissed her.
She moaned into my mouth, bringing her hands into my hair and gently running her fingers through it as she parted her lips and gave me access. This kiss was no different than all the others, but it felt heavier. It felt like more. Her little pleased sounds got me heated, and it was insane to think I could ever leave this behind.
I pressed my hand into the small of her back so her chest touched mine, and her heart beat fast, faster than mine, sending a thrill through me. I tilted her neck back, kissed her deeper, and god, she tasted like coffee and chocolate and I never wanted to stop.
“Your mouth is perfect,” I said, picking her up and carrying her to her bedroom. She wrapped her legs around my waist, grinding against me, and my limbs almost shook with need.
“Jonah,” she said, her face open and filled with love? Her lips remained parted, her expression reflecting exactly what I was feeling inside, but nothing came out.
I set her on her bed carefully and kissed down her jawline, over her collarbone, and bit down. She moaned and placed her hands under my shirt, digging her nails into my stomach.
Her touch lit my goddamn soul on fire.
There was no way I could walk away from her. None.
I had to prove to her this could work, and that would start right now, showing her how amazing we were together. Because we were good enough to risk telling my teammate, a senior on the team. I had to get her to agree too… but what if she didn’t? What if she wanted to end it like we planned? God, could I handle that?
Sharing our space together? Sme
lling her floral scent and hearing her laugh with someone else?
No. I couldn’t.
Thinking about this being our last week together made my chest hurt, and I kissed her harder, needing her touch to reassure me. She had to be into this… I didn’t know what I would do if she wasn’t.
21
Ryann
My body seemed to hum with pleasure wherever Jonah put his lips. My neck tingled as he grazed the sensitive area with his teeth and tongue. He pulled the hem of my shirt up with his strong yet gentle fingers. I sucked in a breath when he cupped my breasts, tracing the outline of my nipples over the lacy fabric, and I squirmed with need.
“Mm,” he said. The syllable coming from him felt hotter than any compliment I’d received. From him, it meant more.
“Take it off,” I demanded, the inferno roaring through my body wanting everything faster, quicker, harder. My pulse pounded between my legs, and the firmness of his body weighed me down in the best way. “Please,” I begged.
“No,” he whispered, moving his mouth down to the center of my chest and biting my nipple over my clothes. “Slow, Ry. I want to go slow.”
My heart skipped a damn beat when he said that, and his brown eyes filled with warmth as he stared at me. His hard length digging into my thigh was the only sign he was even remotely as turned on as me.
He waited a beat, his gaze caressing my face with an entirely new expression. My hormones messed with my mind, because there was no way he was looking at me with love.
“You’re fucking perfect,” he said, sliding down my body and making no moves to remove my clothes. He touched and teased every part of my exposed skin. His tenderness caused my insides to feel warm and I wanted this to last. He traced his fingers up and down my arms, over the part of my stomach that showed when my shirt rode up, and he even teased the belly button ring there. “This drives me insane, by the way. This little ring.”
“Yeah?” I said, breathless and needy and terrified out of my mind. Would this be the last time we do this? Was his reason for going slow because the season started Friday, and this was it? Panic clawed its way past the aggressive urge to touch him, and my throat got tight. This can’t be it.
“You have no idea,” he said, bending down and flicking the ring with his tongue. He swirled his warm mouth around the ring so many times I lost count. My panties were absolutely destroyed, and we hadn’t even gotten past first base. “Mm,” he moaned again, moving over my shorts and to my thighs where he continued his slow caress all the way to my feet.
I writhed with need. Each stroke of his finger over the bottom of my foot, around my calf, or behind my knee sent a lightning bolt of desire straight to my core. My orgasm wouldn’t take long, and even now, it lingered in the background. “Jonah, I need…”
He slid a finger into my shorts, teasing the outside of my panties as he arched a brow. “What do you want?”
“For you to touch me.”
“I am.” His wicked grin sent a thrill through me when he slid the material to the side, only to let it snap back in place. “I like seeing you needy for me.”
“Damn it, Jonah.” I arched my hips up toward him, seconds away from bringing my own hand down there before he finally gripped the edge of my shirt and tugged it off me. I let out a shuddering breath when his gaze zeroed in on my bra.
He slid the strap off my shoulder, letting his fingers follow the movement until he repeated the process with the other. I gasped when he yanked the cups down. The cold air tickled my pebbled nipples, but the chill didn’t last long. He pinched each one, sending a spark of lust all the way to my toes. “You like this, huh?”
“God, yes,” I covered his hands with mine and made him squeeze me harder. His eyes lit up and his mouth became slack as we pleasured my breasts together. It was so damn hot.
He growled in protest when I let go, and he bent down, taking one nipple into his mouth and sucking it hard. So hard. It was wet and warm and drove me crazy with a frenzied need. He bit down and teased the tip to the point I cried out, but it only made him go slower.
“Jonah,” I begged again, yanking his shirt over his shoulders. He released his mouth on me for a second, removed his shirt, and blessed me with his impressive chest. I clawed at it, unable to fulfill this growing desire inside of me. He finally broke.
I reveled in making the focused, intense Jonah Daniels struggle with control.
He undid my bra and buried his head between my breasts while I felt every curve of his back muscles, the fire inside me increasing. Every touch was a spark, and it was as electrifying as it was terrifying.
He had my whole body and heart, things I never planned to give away.
“Can’t get enough of you, Ryann,” he murmured against my skin as he trailed kisses down my torso and undid the button of my shorts. “It’s wild.”
“Me too,” I said, weakly, hating the falter in my voice that almost gave away my onslaught of emotions. This was more than hooking up. More than releasing attraction and enjoying a temporary thing.
It had shifted.
Jonah slid my shorts off my legs, then my panties, and he groaned with pleasure as he spread my legs wide and took one slow, torturous lick. He hummed into my most sensitive part, and I about flew off the bed from how good it felt.
“Jesus,” he said, flicking and sucking my pounding, swollen clit. This was scandalous, the way he pleasured me with just his mouth. His deep grunts made my toes curl into my bedsheets. He placed one large hand on my lower stomach and held me down as I arched from the intensity.
It was like pins and needles shooting down each limb as the orgasm was right there, seconds away from taking me under. I gripped his hair and pulled. It set him off. He swirled his tongue faster, dipping it low enough to enter me, and my god, it was so hot, I came, hard.
Lights flashed behind my closed eyes as my body went taut, every muscle tensed and primed. Pleasure zapped me from head to toe, leaving behind a heavy heartbeat and sweat covering my skin.
Jonah never stopped touching or kissing me as I caught my breath. We’d been together numerous times, naked, sweaty, and desperate, but this felt different.
Each kiss was like a weight on my chest.
I gripped his head and dragged his mouth back to mine, needing more of him. He groaned into my mouth, and each stroke of his tongue against mine helped me forget about the questions in my mind. His heart beat fast and his touch seemed just as needy.
We kissed, my taste on his mouth, until my body was worked back up to pre-orgasm neediness. His skin glistened with sweat, and the scent of his soap tickled my nose. He always smelled so good, so clean, and I inhaled, enjoying how right it felt with him. This could be the last time I nuzzled him, the last time I felt his warm body next to me, the last time we kissed. Panic clawed down my throat, the sudden urge to cry unwelcome. I took a shaky breath and tried to live in the moment. Our time together ending soon made each touch more intense. I wanted to slow everything down and remember every detail of how Jonah left his mark on me.
He stopped kissing me dizzy, and his lips were wet and swollen when he looked down at me. “I need to be inside you.”
I trembled at the emotion in his voice and helped him take off his shorts, then his boxers. He had a condom in his hands within a second. He put it on and gazed down at me but paused.
He opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something, but no sound came out. He took a shaky breath and slowly put his weight onto his knees and forearms, cradling the back of my head with one hand and kissing me as he thrust into me.
God, he felt good. Full. Right. Perfect.
He rocked into me, slowly, like there wasn’t a desperate need for a release. I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted my hips to take him deeper, making us both groan in response. Our sweaty chests rubbed together, and he kissed me harder.
He bit down on my bottom lip and pulled, making the kiss feel so good, even though it hurt. I gasped at the sensation. He took my hands an
d held them over my head, pinning them down as he rolled his hips in a hypnotic beat.
He was so fucking sexy.
The muscles in his arms rippled as he continued thrusting into me, his jaw tightening and sweat beading on his temples. I could only stare up at him in awe and love.
The emotion hit me hard, exploding through my mind like a blaring fire alarm in the middle of the night. The thought was unwelcome and made me tense.
Jonah noticed immediately and stopped. “Hey, what is it? Am I hurting you?” His brows furrowed together, and he let go of my hands, cupping my face and studying my body like the answer would be there. “Ryann, tell me.”
“No, I’m okay,” I said, doing everything I could to hide the truth. It would be too much for him with the season starting in two days. “Better than fine.”
He didn’t look convinced. A line appeared between his brows, but I arched up and kissed him hard again, hoping to show him how fine I was.
He hesitated at first, but the longer we kissed and the more I ran my hands over him, gripping his ass, he melted into me and seemed to forget to go slow. He picked up his pace, grinding into me with confidence.
Nothing existed beyond our bodies coming together, our sweat mixing, and our panting breaths that filled the air. He slid out and rolled me onto my stomach, moving into me from behind as his weight rested on my back. He gripped my waist with one hand and moved his other underneath me so he could touch my clit. I shuddered at how good it felt, how good he felt.
“Fuck, Ry,” he said, his mouth close to my ear. He nipped my earlobe and went harder. He matched his thrusts with the way he swirled his finger around my clit, and the combination of his dick, his finger, and the way he licked down my neck caused me to clench around him.
“Jonah,” I moaned, hot pleasure starting at the base of my spine and rendering me speechless. It was too much and not enough. I clutched the sheet with my free hand and let the orgasm consume me. My legs shook, and I cried out as he thrusted a final two times, his grip on my waist tightening as his thighs twitched.
Holdout: A Moo U Hockey Romance Page 19