The Underdogs Box Set - Books 1-3 (gay rockstar romance)

by K. A. Merikan

  Dawn shook his head, and pulled out of the embrace. He handed Mage the thick bundle of paper that made up the contract. His signature was on the front page of the draft. When Mage did manage a glance at his face, Dawn’s puffy red eyes were obvious in the weak light coming from inside.

  Mage stared at the signature, then at Dawn’s face. He should have been feeling relief, but instead the weight on his heart was increasing at an alarming rate. “I—Dawn? Did you change your mind?”

  Dawn looked up at him and opened his mouth, but a drop of blood rolled down from his nose, and before he could have said anything, his eyes rolled back, and he toppled forward. Mage caught him before he could have collapsed into the muddy grass.

  “What did you do?!” Dusk screamed, but his voice barely got through to Mage, who cuddled the limp body, leaning in to listen to Dawn’s breathing. He was too shocked to think about anything less immediate. Was Dawn breathing?—yes, he was. But he was also bleeding, unconscious, and—oh God, there was blood on the contract!

  Mage’s world spun when Dusk shoved him away, pulling Dawn toward him with a growl worming its way through his clenched teeth. “You’ve done enough!”

  Mage didn’t let go, staring right back at Dusk while his heart galloped in panic. “Let go.”

  Sid jumped out of the trailer. “Stop arguing and help him!”

  Dusk gently slapped Dawn’s cheek over and over. “Come on, Dawn, snap out of it.”

  “Dusk, you’re not helping,” Asher said. “There’s an ambulance near the stage, let’s take him there. Now.”

  Yes. Yes, there was an ambulance, and that was where they could find help for Dawn.

  Mage cradled the limp body against his chest. It was so heavy as it rolled in his arms that keeping himself stable required great focus, but Asher was there to nudge him forward.

  “Let’s go. You both shut up,” he added, when Dusk opened his mouth again.

  Dusk wanted to help carrying Dawn, but Mage was better off on his own and snarled at his best friend. Were they even best friends anymore? The whole contracts argument was one thing, it wouldn’t have been the first time they had a fight. An unconscious Dawn in Mage’s arms was another matter altogether. If Dusk really thought this was Mage’s fault, there might be no coming back from it.

  Music filled the air, its sound amplified by the shouting, by the crowd screaming the chorus along with the artist who was playing the current set, but Mage’s brain no longer connected the dots of this evening in any meaningful way. He knew where the ambulance was, yet with the crowd rolling through the large open-air venue, with drunk and careless people blocking their way, he felt lost. All he wanted was to get help for Dawn, but he couldn’t really do anything other than carry him, even when his shoulder muscles screamed in agony.

  But Asher and Sid were there to guide him, and Dusk ended up taking Dawn from Mage’s arms at some point. By the time Mage spotted the ambulance far off behind a hot dog stand, he was ready to physically force his way there.

  He took the lead and might have even elbowed someone, even though he wasn’t prone to violence. His nerves were in tatters as he spearheaded through the tunnel and made room for Dusk, who carried his brother.

  Every time Mage looked back to see Dawn unconscious, a new needle pierced his heart. By the time they reached their goal, he was soaked in sweat and aching inside and out. What if this was his fault? What if Dawn ended up with a serious medical condition because of this meltdown? Even if Mage knew he shouldn’t feel responsible for Dawn in this matter, guilt still ate at him when he watched the paramedics handle the love of his life.

  He wanted to stay inside the vehicle, to make sure he was safe, but Dawn was finally in good hands, and instead Mage sat on the curb nearby, nervously massaging his scalp. The effort of getting here and the extreme nature of the stress of it triggered bouts of nausea, which he controlled by keeping his head low and cooling his forehead with a bottle of water.

  But his mind wouldn’t leave him in peace, bringing out the most painful and heartbreaking of possibilities.

  And if anything at all happened to Dawn because Mage wanted to prove his worth to his family, he would never forgive himself.

  Dusk grabbed a cigarette from Sid and stood nearby, like a stick of dynamite about to explode. Mage glanced at him from between his fingers, but when their gazes met for a split second, both looked away, even though he knew how idiotic of a behavior it was.

  Should he really let this ruin their long friendship? He didn’t want to give up on the contract, but maybe tweaks could do the trick? Maybe Dawn would eventually change his mind, or perhaps there was some other out-of-the-box option none of them had considered?

  “I didn’t want this to get out of hand like that,” Mage said in the end.

  Dusk wasn’t one for silent treatment and instantly burst out. “But you did! And now Dawn is in a fucking ambulance! I can’t believe this shit.”

  The words hurt and Mage’s first reaction was to fight Dusk again, but after one deep breath, he could see more clearly that Dusk was worried sick for his brother, and that was the true reason for his agitation. In all the years they’d known each other, despite Dusk’s insane antics, he’d always protected Dawn from harm. And now this had happened.

  Mage rose, watching Dusk in case he wanted to charge. “I thought… I know it’s wrong, but I thought he was just stubborn. I didn’t want any of this.”

  Dusk eyed Mage and inhaled so much smoke it must have filled his whole chest. “We’ll talk to him some more once he’s well, but I don’t want to just convince him to do what we want, do you understand? If he’s to sign a contract he cries about for the next five years, it’s not worth it. Even if, logically, he’s being a stubborn asshole. He’s very…” Dusk rubbed his eyes. “Fragile.”

  Mage took a deep breath, filling his lungs so fully they ached. “I know. I know.”

  It was difficult to focus while he didn’t know what exactly went on in the ambulance, but he approached Dusk. “He never argues, but he did tonight.”

  “Is… something going on between you two that I don’t know about? Maybe there’s something else that made him react this way?” For once, it didn’t even sound like a threat. Dusk was pleading for information, because he wanted to understand their situation better.

  “Everything is fine. We’re happy. This new song? He said he wrote it about us. Everything was all right until tonight.”

  Dusk stared at him. “Oh no. It’s about you? Ew! No!”

  Mage was stunned for half a second, but then burst out laughing despite feeling no less nervous than moments ago. “Sorry to break it to you, but I’m his muse now.”

  Dusk groaned with a deep frown, as if Mage had told him coffee beans were really just rabbit poo.

  “He’s waking up,” Asher said from around the ambulance, and neither Dusk nor Mage cared to continue their conversation anymore.

  Chapter 15

  Dawn knew something bad had happened the moment he first opened his eyes. He was shaking and felt cold despite a blanket laid out over him. The ceiling was low and shone on him with an unpleasantly white light, and the first voice he heard belonged to a stranger.

  “Wakey, wakey! You really spooked your friends for a moment,” said a woman dressed in a dark blue uniform.

  Dawn’s heart sank. His head still spun, but he knew what happened. He’d fainted. Again.

  He looked up at the woman, then at the IV attached to his inner wrist. “I… thank you,” he muttered, unsure what he thought or how he got here. He rarely experienced stress levels this high, yet here he was, a failure once more. His friends were surely worried sick about him, just because he couldn’t rein in his emotions the way everyone else did.

  Still, he didn’t want to be a problem to one more person, so he answered all questions and waited as the paramedic examined him once more. “Are you feeling well enough to see your friends?”

  That was a tricky question, because he was muc
h better physically, but having to face Mage’s disappointment or listen to Dusk’s jokes about him fainting was another matter.

  “Yes, I think so,” he said in a small voice, drained of all energy. Could this night be any more of a disaster? Everyone thought he was being a drama queen, but communicating all his feelings wasn’t easy in the best of times, let alone under pressure.

  When the paramedic moved toward the doors at the end, Dawn sank lower under the blanket, bearing through the icy presence flowing through his veins. Maybe he wasn’t made for this kind of life? Maybe he’d have done his friends a favor by staying on his parents’ farm where his presence wasn’t an obstruction to any of them.

  “Dawn? How are you feeling?” Mage’s voice held so much hope Dawn flinched, on the verge of tears again.

  He peeked out from behind the blanket, surely pale as a ghost. He dared to face Mage, even though he wished to just forget the whole contract ordeal and go home to his parents. Stay in the treehouse forever. “Fine, I think.”

  Mage’s lip quivered slightly when he approached, but before he could say anything, Dusk burst in and pounced on Dawn, enclosing him in a tight hug.

  “We’ve been so worried! Why didn’t you pick up calls?”

  Dawn sighed but gave in and let his brother hug him. “I wasn’t in the mood. I had to think the whole thing through on my own.”

  “Don’t do it again. Jesus. Just stay and talk,” Dusk said, and briefly clutched at his long hair as he leaned back. In the background, Asher and Sid, who wouldn’t fit into the vehicle anymore, waved at him, and all this attention poured over Dawn gradually heated his freezing body.

  Mage cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”

  Dawn looked away to the IV. “I mean… what’s the point? I signed the contract, didn’t I?”

  Mage’s lips twisted, and he met Dusk’s gaze over the bed before shaking his head. “No, that was only a draft. And besides, that’s not the point. I can’t sign it myself if you’re so unhappy with it. We’re a band, and we’re in it together.” This time, there was a distinct rasp to his voice, a sign of upset that Dawn instantly felt responsible for.

  He took a deep breath to calm himself, because if he couldn’t manage that, he was at risk of bursting into tears all over again. “I don’t want to change the songs, it’s… important to me,” he said, though it came out with an embarrassing tremor to his voice.

  Dusk leaned over the bed. “Listen, I get it, you won’t have to change the new song, the one for Mage, but—”

  “They’re all for Mage! They’ve all been for him and about him from the start. Don’t you get it? You. Forever. Always. That’s the whole point. I can’t change them unless I rip my heart apart too. I don’t care if that makes me a drama queen!” And he started crying. Great. Just great. He was such a weight on everyone else.

  Silence stretched, and when he was about to duck under the covers to spare his friends the misery of looking at him, warm arms that he instantly recognized enclosed him in a tender embrace. Mage always smelled so good, of that cologne he’d paid a ridiculous sum for, because he refused to compromise on it. And he pressed kisses to Dawn’s forehead, leaving him so overwhelmed he could only cuddle up to the firm chest.

  “Dawn, I had no idea… why didn’t you say?”

  Dawn rubbed his eyes and leaned into Mage. “Because it’s embarrassing. I wrote some of the sad songs when you were with someone else, and I… it’s like having my heart put in the circus ring for everyone to watch.”

  Next to him, Mage’s chest expanded, but the soothing touch of a warm hand running up and down his back made Dawn breathe more evenly. Despite the exhaustion pulling him down, he longed to stay with Mage, even if it meant uncomfortable questions.

  “I shouldn’t have pressured you. Dusk was right. I wanted it signed and stopped thinking straight.” Mage exhaled and gently pulled Dawn away so they could see one another. Worry marred his forehead with deep lines, but the brown eyes were the same warm softness Dawn had fallen in love with. “You are more important. And you have the right to say no to anything we do as a group. I’m so sorry.”

  Dawn squeezed Mage’s forearm. “I just hate to wreck it for everyone. I thought that maybe I should just quit the band so that you guys can go your own way.”

  “No way!” Dusk burst out. “I mean, you’re free to quit, but not for this reason. You’re the beating heart of The Underdogs, Dawn. Your songs drew in Sid, they helped us find our style and sound. No one else can do what you do.”

  Mage swallowed, watching Dawn with a tense set to his jaw, even though his touch remained gentle. “There would be no Underdogs without you. And we won’t sign anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Even if it means we stay indie.”

  Dusk cleared his throat and stroked Dawn’s hair. “So. You told us you’re precious about the songs because they’re so personal, but what if we negotiated a contract where you had the last say on the words, but allowed input on the music? Would that be something you’d like?”

  Dawn tore his eyes away from Mage to glance at Dusk. “Is that possible?”

  They both seemed unsure and looked out of the vehicle, to Asher, who took a deep breath and spread his arms in a universal gesture for I have no Idea.

  “We can try,” he said eventually, and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

  Mage petted the top of Dawn’s head before kissing his temple in a way so tender it had Dawn’s eyes welling up again. “Then we will. We won’t sign anything if one of us isn’t satisfied with the arrangement,” he said in a voice that sounded so final Dawn didn’t even feel bad about disappointing his friends anymore, because it was clear that he would be disappointing them by agreeing to something against his better judgment.

  The paramedic returned into the vehicle and smiled at Dawn. “You’re going to be fine. All the vitals are normal, and I’ll let you go as soon as the IV is finished. Did something unusual happen tonight or earlier today? Did you eat enough food? Did you sleep?” she inquired, clearly asking them all, not only Dawn.

  Mage cleared his throat and hugged Dawn. “There was a bit of stress…”

  Dawn rubbed his face in frustration. “I got too nervous about things.”

  Dusk gave a short laugh. “Yeah. I’m his brother, and he’s always been stressing over everything.”

  The paramedic frowned, but instead of accepting it and moving on, she asked Dawn more questions about his sleeping patterns and whether he was taking any medication.

  “Does that… mean something’s going on?” Mage asked softly, and despite his soothing touch, Dawn could sense he was nervous by the way his muscles tensed next to Dawn’s body.

  The paramedic shrugged. “I think you might want to talk about this to your primary care physician. Especially if your stress levels are so high they make you faint.”

  Mage nodded, hugging Dawn more firmly. “Absolutely. He will go.”

  Dawn groaned. “Mom taught me meditation, and I take valerian root pills sometimes.”

  The paramedic cocked her head. “Might not be enough. I can’t force you, but I would strongly recommend a visit to a doctor.”

  Mage sat on the edge of the narrow bed and squeezed Dawn’s hands. For once, his gaze was dead serious. “Dawn. You will go see a doctor about this even if I have to carry you to his office.”

  Dawn snorted and ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay, okay.” His fingers stilled. “My hat. I lost my hat.”

  Mage shook his head and pulled the black baseball hat out of the large pocket in his hoodie. He put it on Dawn’s head like when he’d first gotten it for Dawn.

  He always thought about everything.

  “I love you,” Dawn whispered.

  Epilogue

  They did sign a contract with the record company in the end, and while they didn’t yet reach the level of stardom he used to dream of when he and Dusk had first started the band, Mage was somewhat glad, because that kind of fame would have come at a cost to pr
ivacy he wasn’t ready for. Two years on and not long after their second European tour, Mage and Dawn bought a house. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but it came with a sizeable garden where Dawn planned to grow vegetables, and even a pool.

  It had felt appropriate to make many of the necessary renovations by themselves. It ended up taking more time and effort than they’d originally believed, but the house was now ready, in time for another big change in their lives. Mage’s sister had agreed to be their surrogate.

  Dawn was still the most beautiful, gentle man Mage had ever met, and living with him was a pleasure, even on the rare days when they drove each other crazy because of some misunderstanding. Usually, arguments started because of one of them trying to make the other happy in some misguided way.

  But there was nothing misguided about Dawn’s linen suit or Mage’s more formal one when they faced one another and said their vows in front of a select group of friends and family. Dawn even wore his baseball hat, because it was linked to so many memories, but he took it off for their first kiss as a married couple.

  Despite their initial reaction, Mage’s parents had come around, as expected, and remained civil, even though Mage knew the informality of the Hills made them uncomfortable. They must have quickly realized at one of the first family dinners that being mean to Dawn was impossible, since he was the sweetest person on the planet. Dad had attempted to grill Dawn about future plans, but that ended up with talk of marriage to Mage and having kids. The notion had taken Dad by surprise enough to make him realize Mage’s new relationship was as serious as they got.

  And now they were all present at that promised wedding.

  The sun was slowly descending toward the horizon, spreading its warm glow over the Hill Farm. Its colors complimented the decorations of fresh flowers, fruit, and grain pouring out of large baskets placed on the wooden tables, and on the edges of their outdoor venue. Behind the officiant was also a colorful picture of Mage and Dawn—drawn in Lolly’s signature style as a wedding gift. The image portrayed them by a creek, dreamily looking at one another as they both played their guitars. It captured their relationship so perfectly Dawn insisted on including it in the party decorations.