This Is How I Lied

by Heather Gudenkauf

  “Eve,” came another shout and her name bounced back to her in soft whispers. Eve whirled around and Maggie was standing there.

  “What are you doing here?” Eve asked. “Did you leave the kids all alone?” She looked behind Maggie, almost expecting to see Rebecca and Riley. “Did Mr. Harper come back home?”

  “No, and if you tell on us he will never talk to me again,” Maggie said, her voice heavy with tears. “Why did you have to come over? Why can’t you just stay out of it?”

  “Because it’s wrong. I want to help you,” Eve said. “It’s going to be okay. Maggie, we can work this out together,” she pleaded.

  “It’s not okay and I don’t want to work it out,” Maggie lashed out at her. “Eve, I’m pregnant. If you tell, it will scare him away. I need time to figure out how to tell him.”

  Eve stood there, stunned. Maggie pregnant? This was bad. “Maggie, he’s not going to want a baby. He has two at home already. With his wife. He should have left you alone. It’s against the law. Come home with me,” Eve begged.

  “No,” Maggie said defiantly. “We aren’t going anywhere until you promise you won’t say anything.”

  Eve shook her head in frustration. “Well, I’m leaving.”

  As she turned to leave, Maggie tugged on her shirt. “You ruined it. You ruined everything. I hate you for this, Eve, I hate you!”

  Eve shook her off. “Come on, Maggie, knock it off. Let’s just go. It’s dark and you left the kids all by themselves.”

  “Not until you promise me you won’t say anything.” Maggie roughly grabbed at Eve’s arm.

  “Let go of me.” Eve pulled her arm back but Maggie held tight.

  “No,” Maggie said defiantly. “You can’t tell anyone. I won’t let you.”

  “How do you think you’re going to stop me?” Eve scoffed. “The man’s a rapist.”

  Maggie’s hand shot out and connected with Eve’s cheek. The sharp slap reverberated throughout the cave. They both stopped, not believing what just happened. In all the years that Eve and Maggie had been friends, they had rarely argued and it certainly never came to blows.

  At first Eve thought that Maggie would apologize, say she was sorry. But Maggie’s shocked expression turned stony and she squared her body so that Eve couldn’t move past her.

  “Get out of my way, Maggie,” Eve said, angry tears filling her eyes. Maggie refused to budge. Eve shook her head with disgust and tried to step past, her shoulder connecting with Maggie’s sending them both off balance.

  Eve was the first to right herself and kept moving, eager to get out of the caves and back home. “I’m sorry, but he’s just using you,” Eve said apologetically, “and the sooner you figure that out the better.”

  With a cry of rage, Maggie grabbed onto the back of Eve’s coat and the two fell to the ground in a knotted heap. “You can’t tell,” Maggie said through clenched teeth. “You can’t. I love him.”

  “Get off!” Eve tried to squirm out from beneath, but Maggie wouldn’t let go. Eve kicked out, striking Maggie in the belly with her heavy boot. Maggie inhaled painfully and then bent over, cradling her stomach. Eve scrambled to her feet. She hadn’t meant to kick Maggie so hard but she was being so unreasonable, so crazy. Eve was done. She was going home.

  Behind her, Maggie’s moans of pain turned to a roar. Stunned silence. Eve staggered to her feet and eyed the narrow patch of light that lay before her. Nightfall came early in the winter and they had moved too far into the cave and Eve knew she had only a few minutes before they were plunged into complete darkness.

  Eve began to move forward when in the distance a shadowy silhouette dropped from above and landed with a soft thud. Nola. The two gazed at one another for a brief moment and then Nola was gone so quickly that Eve wondered if she imagined that her sister was there at all.

  NOLA KNOX

  Friday, December 22, 1995

  4:20 p.m.

  Nola had decided she couldn’t watch one more second of her sister’s fight with Maggie. She was disgusted by what she had just witnessed. Eve was getting the crap knocked out of her by the person who was supposed to be her best friend. Serves her right, Nola thought.

  Just that morning, Eve had ditched Nola when the group of kids were messing with her. See how Eve likes it, Nola thought. What had Eve said? Do whatever you want to her. I don’t care.

  Well, I don’t care either, Nola thought and she turned away leaving Eve alone with Maggie. She’s got to learn to stand on her own two feet. May as well be right now.

  EVE KNOX

  Friday, December 22, 1995

  4:22 p.m.

  Eve began to call out to Nola when she felt a shove from behind. Eve skidded forward and tried to break her fall by thrusting her hands out in front of her. A sickening thud filled her ears as her temple struck the stone floor. Maggie was on top of her again, her face twisted with fury, the ends of Eve’s scarf gathered in her fists. Eve couldn’t breathe. Panicked, she kicked and kicked until she heard a cry that wasn’t her own.

  Maggie gasped, releasing the scarf and falling backward. “Oh my God,” she groaned.

  Stunned, Eve lay there trying to assess her injuries. Her head throbbed and her right wrist blazed with pain. Eve ran her fingers across her scalp and felt a warm, sticky river of blood flowing from the wound.

  Eve was tired. So tired. All she wanted to do was to go home, to forget this terrible day. Next to her, she felt movement, heard the soft hitches of Maggie crying. Eve closed her eyes and heard the whispery shuffle of retreating footsteps.

  Why hadn’t Nola stayed to help her? “Nola?” Eve called out once Maggie was gone. There was no answer and Eve unsteadily got to her feet. Blood trickled down her face and tickled her neck. Her head ached and her wrist throbbed. “Are you there?” Eve’s voice bounced back to her in soft whispers.

  Eve limped away from the comfort of the slowly fading light that fell through the opening in the cave’s ceiling knowing that it would be dark soon. She tried to remember which twists and turns led to precarious drop-offs and which ones opened up to almost magical spaces with stalagmites rising from the ground and stalactites hanging from the ceilings. She tentatively put one foot in front of the other, her hands stretched out for protection from walking face-first into a rocky ledge. Eve needed to be careful. One wrong turn and she could be stuck in the caves for hours.

  “Nola,” she called out again. “Are you in here? Please, I need your help.”

  Eve rounded a corner and though the sun hadn’t completely disappeared, a gray veil had been lowered in front of the cave’s mouth. Because of her injured wrist she wouldn’t be able to hold on and crawl back up the bluff but she could take the long way along Ransom Road. How she would explain her injuries, she didn’t quite know. She had used the I tripped and the I walked into a door excuses one too many times to explain the bruises that Nick had given her. How long were people going to buy these lame explanations?

  She’d figure out the details later. All she wanted to do right now was get home. Ahead of her, just beyond the cave’s opening, a figure stepped into view. Eve heard the echo of footsteps. Maybe it was Nola or Maggie coming back to help her. She couldn’t believe their fight had gone this far. It made Eve sick to her stomach to think that they’d actually laid hands on each other. She’d kicked Maggie in the stomach over and over and Maggie had tried to choke her. The world had officially gone crazy.

  Eve rushed forward and as the figure came toward her, she quickly realized that the person in front of her was much too big to be Maggie or Nola. When Eve stopped, the shadow stopped too. “Hello?” she called out. There was no response. A spasm of terror coursed through her. The man from the library, the man in the red sweatshirt? Had he followed Eve here to the caves? “My boyfriend is right behind me,” Eve said, forcing confidence into her voice. She glanced behind her shoulder, almost wishing that Nic
k would appear.

  “No, he isn’t, Eve,” the man answered. Eve strained to see who was speaking but in the fading light his features were blurred in the velvety darkness. “There’s no one here now but you and me.” It was then that Eve recognized the voice. Cam Harper. “I’m afraid we have a little problem here.”

  Fear made Eve’s skin buzz, numbing the pain in her head and her wrist.

  Eve considered her options. She could try to talk her way out of here, tell Mr. Harper that there was no problem. That what was between him and Maggie wasn’t her business. She could turn around and try to navigate to the opposite end of the cave and to the other exit. Or she could try to get past Cam Harper, out of the cave and to safety.

  He didn’t give her a chance to decide. Before she could speak Mr. Harper was at her side, his fingers digging into her arm, trying to drag her more deeply into the cave. Eve managed to wriggle free but lost her balance and stumbled to the ground. Eve’s fingers swept the floor in search of some kind of weapon and her hand landed on a jagged piece of limestone. She clutched onto the rock and with a cry of frustration she swung her arm hoping to strike him but only cut through the damp air. She tried again and this time managed to graze his scalp.

  “Goddammit.” Cam released her and his hands flew to the back of his head.

  Good, thought Eve, I’ve drawn blood. Eve tried to get to her feet but Cam latched onto her boot and yanked, his fingers snagging like talons into her shoelaces and bringing her back down.

  “No,” Eve cried, tearing away from his grasp, and ran toward the cave’s opening, hopscotching over jagged stone. Almost there, Eve thought as her right foot plunged into a narrow crevice and she tumbled forward.

  The sickening snap of her ankle filled her ears and Eve howled in pain. Using her good hand, she tried to push herself up to her knees but her right foot was still entangled. Only twenty yards more and she would be free of the claustrophobic confines of the cave; she would be away from Mr. Harper. Behind Eve, the sound of gasping, ragged breath came closer, pushing her into action. With one desperate yank, Eve pulled her leg free of the rocky snare, tearing skin and losing her boot in the process.

  She army-crawled across the rough stone toward the mouth of the cave, the ends of her scarf cascading down her back as she moved. Almost there. Suddenly, Cam was there, one leg on each side of her. He bent down and grabbed the ends of her scarf, pulling it tight against her throat. Eve froze but still the pressure built. She scrabbled at the fabric, trying to desperately slide her fingers between the wool and her skin, but failed. Eve’s legs felt weak and her lungs screamed for oxygen.

  Night had fallen and the only light came from the houses far up atop the bluffs, twinkling, tiny beacons. Only a little bit farther, Eve thought. I’m so close.

  With one frantic effort, she managed to flip onto her back but the scarf didn’t loosen. It tightened, cutting more deeply into her throat. Her screams became lodged in her chest. Her vision blurred and her arms fell uselessly to her side. Above her, Eve found Cam’s eyes. They were filled with rage. There was no fear, no regret, no sorrow.

  How did things go so wrong? Eve wondered. Why? Just beyond the cave night had fully arrived and snow came down in dizzying swirls. Dark places made it so much easier to be cruel, to enact revenge. Eve just wanted to be a good friend, a good sister. Nothing more.

  Air couldn’t pass through to her lungs. The cold crept through her skin, settling deep into Eve’s bones until she became one with the icy limestone.

  MAGGIE KENNEDY-O’KEEFE

  Monday, June 22, 2020

  I try to comprehend what Nola has just told me. She’s going to kill me and pin it on Nick? I search Nola’s face for any clue that this is all a joke but I know that she is crazy enough to do it. “It will never work,” I say. I pull myself to my feet. I have to get out of here. I need to get home.

  “Oh, I think it will,” Nola shoots back. “I’ve got plenty of Nick’s blood left to leave right here at the scene. DNA doesn’t lie, remember?”

  I ready myself for another contraction but to my surprise one doesn’t come. Maybe they are slowing down. Maybe I do have time to talk my way out of this. “Be reasonable,” I tell her. “If you kill me you have to make sure that none of your DNA is left behind. You have to make sure that Nick doesn’t have an alibi.”

  Nola rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t have an alibi, Maggie. Nick does the same thing every single night. He closes up the shop, stops at the café to pick up dinner and then goes home alone to sit in front of the television.” Nola looks at her watch. “He’s probably watching SVU reruns right now. I guarantee he has no alibi. Now lie down, Maggie,” Nola orders. “The baby is coming.”

  “No! No, she’s not!” I cry. “It’s not time.” I may be a first-time mother but I know that this baby isn’t going to come until I have the urge to push. I’ve been having full-blown contractions but not that primal need to bear down. I pray that the baby doesn’t come for hours. I have to find a way to overpower Nola and to get to safety.

  “Lie down, Maggie,” Nola says, dragging her scalpel across my arm. I scream in pain and terror as a thin line of blood oozes from my skin. “Now shut up before I cut this baby from you.”

  There is no way I’m going to lie down. If I do that, I’m as good as dead. My mind whirls trying to think of a way to reason with Nola but how do you reason with crazy?

  “Please, Nola. Please whatever you do, don’t hurt my baby. She’s innocent in all of this. Can you promise me you’ll make sure she’s safe?”

  “Like you did with Eve?” Nola asks. “Why would I do that for you?” Another contraction rolls through me, this one bringing me to my knees. “Now let’s get those pants off you. Your baby will be here soon.”

  I know she’s right. There is no stopping this now. I can’t escape and now I’m at the mercy of a crazy woman who is going to kill me and my baby and make it look like Nick Brady did it. I lower myself onto the tarp and Nola helps me remove my shoes and pants. It’s mortifying but my embarrassment doesn’t last long. I’m in too much pain. My lower back seizes up and I grit my teeth and moan. I’m beginning to realize that I’ve probably been in labor all day. My water has broken and the contractions are minutes apart. I’m having this baby and soon.

  The contractions come one after another and though I’m terrified, I look helplessly to Nola for reassurance. She’s the only one who can help me deliver and I’m completely reliant on her. I struggle to keep my eyes open and sweat pours down my face. I’m so thirsty, the roof of my mouth feels like sandpaper. At the peak of each contraction my fingers scrape against the rocky ground until all my fingernails are ragged and my fingertips are bruised and scraped raw.

  Time is marked by the brief, blissful pauses in contractions but the reprieves are few and far between. Minutes or hours could have passed; I have no way of knowing for sure. All I know is that I feel like I’m going to die. Suddenly, the pain shifts and the need to push overwhelms. I bear down and push. The pain is unimaginable, then fades and returns with a fury. I push, try to catch my breath and push again. Over and over, like being buffeted by violent waves.

  “I see her,” Nola says excitedly, a look of pure rapture on her face. I barely feel the burning, tearing sensation as the baby rips through me. I grit my teeth and a howl explodes from me.

  “Here she comes,” Nola says and I look between my legs to see the baby’s head emerge and then slide into Nola’s waiting arms. I hate that the first person who touches my daughter is so evil.

  “Why isn’t she crying?” I whimper, struggling to sit up on my elbows to get a better look. My baby is so small, her tiny mouth opening and closing, fighting for air.

  Still no sound comes. No welcome cries. “Please, Nola,” I beg. “Please help her.” Nola turns away from me so I can’t see what she’s doing. Seconds past. I count them. Five. Then ten. Thirty seconds. A full minute
. She’s dead, I think. My baby never had a chance.

  Finally, a robust wail fills the air.

  “Congratulations,” Nola says over the cries. “You have a beautiful baby girl.”

  “Oh, thank God,” I weep. “Please don’t hurt her. Please, I’ll do anything.”

  Holding the infant in the crook of her arm, once again she reaches for the scalpel. “Of course you will,” she says.

  Nola kneels above me, my baby in one arm, a scalpel in the other. She is crazy. She’s going to kill my baby, make me watch and then kill me too. How could I have been so stupid? I had let my guard down and ended up in this godforsaken spot that I swore I would never return to.

  “Please let me have her,” I beg. “Please give her to me.”

  “Not just yet,” Nola says and reaches behind my head and retrieves her jacket, spreads it out on the ground right next to me. She carefully lays down my wailing daughter.

  “What are you going to do?” I ask. My legs are shaking and I can’t stop shivering.

  “Stay still,” Nola says as she pulls the elastic tie from her hair and bends over the baby. I can’t see what she’s doing and I try to slide myself a little closer to them. “Whoa, now,” Nola says, grabbing for the scalpel. I freeze and watch as she saws through the umbilical cord with the sharp blade. Now the only thing left connecting me to my baby is gone. She lifts the baby, wrapped in her jacket and lays her on the ground several feet away from me. I haven’t even got to touch her yet.

  Horror washes over me. “Please give her to me. Please don’t hurt her, she’s just a baby. Please, Nola!” I beg. Salty tears blur my vision.

  “Don’t worry, Maggie,” she says, her red hair brushing against my cheek. “I’m not going to hurt your baby. I’m not a monster.” With the scalpel still in one hand she reaches into her backpack and pulls out a scarf. For a second I think it’s the scarf that Eve was wearing the day she died, but it isn’t. The colors are different. Nola holds it in her hands like a garrote.