by C. Lesbirel
“No.” My voice comes out in a higher pitch than I intend it to as we come to a stop outside the hospital. I couldn’t be pregnant. Sullivan and I had always been careful. I wasn’t even late with my period. Was I?
16
Sullivan
“Are you sure this is the best way of doing this because it really feels like a bad idea,” Shiloh mumbles as we approach our parents’ house in her SUV more suited to Jaxon and me than a chick, but that was Shiloh. I swear she doesn’t realize she’s a member of the opposite sex half the time. She’s got balls just as big as the rest of us, but I don’t see them now when she’s all freaked out and afraid.
“Remember what we said. We’re just gonna rip that fucker off...”
“...Like a Band-Aid,” she finishes my sentence for me and takes a deep breath in as we pull up and step outside.
As I see my parents appear at the door, I suddenly feel anxious for her. They really aren’t going to like this. Jaxon’s bike is parked outside, and Mason has managed to fly in for the night. Warren’s car is here, and I’m hoping he hasn’t brought Ali with him, nothing against her, but this is going to be hard enough for Shiloh as it is.
I hadn’t given them many details, just that we needed an emergency family meeting, and everyone needed to clear their schedules and be there.
They probably think it’s me who’s fucked up in some way. Apparently, I’m the irresponsible one, according to the rest of them. They’d always teased me for being a big kid, but this just proves that none of us are kids anymore. Even though everyone liked to baby Shiloh and protect her as much as they could, there was no protecting her from this.
She’s going to have to deal with this head on like a boss, and I’m going to be here for her every step of the way.
“Here goes nothing,” Shiloh mutters under her breath, while mom opens her arms for us to greet her with a hug.
She glances to me looking for answers as to what this is all about. I avoid her gaze. “Dinner smells amazing,” I comment as Dad slaps my shoulder and we make our way inside.
“Come and sit down, it’s almost ready. Your brothers are already waiting to dive in.”
A few minutes later, we’re all seated around the table. Mom circles it, pouring everyone a glass of wine. They were going to fucking need it after this meal.
Shiloh raises hers as Dad toasts to us all being together, safe and well, but she doesn’t bring it to her lips afterwards.
“I’ll get Liam on the phone, hang on,” Dad says, picking up his phone and dialing Liam's number.
I would rather he would have been here in person, but I guess it’s a bit far to come from China, especially when he doesn’t know why we’re all getting together.
“Hey, bro,” I call when his face appears on the screen.
He looks casual and relaxed in comparison to his usual frazzled self, which is nice to see.
When the pleasantries are out of the way, Mom turns her attention to me, closely followed by everyone else’s. I swear to God, I hear Shiloh’s throat bob as she gulps down.
“Okay, Sully. What have you done now?” Mom laughs and Warren chuckles. “Yeah, what’s this about, bro, you knock someone up?”
“You’re all a bunch of butt heads.” I scowl at them, only making them laugh harder.
“Are you in trouble?” my dad asks, detecting I’m not fucking around here.
“It’s not about Sully,” Shiloh speaks up. “It’s about me.”
Everyone’s eyes fall on my twin, and her bright blue eyes cloud over like the sun just went down on her world.
“Shiloh?” My dad’s mood immediately shifts, becoming more serious as he realizes his baby girl might be in trouble.
“Look, this is really hard for me to tell you all. It shouldn’t even be this hard because I’m a grown woman who can make my own choices, but it is. Because, I love you. I know how much you all love me and how much you all want what’s best for me…”
I throw an arm around her shoulders as her voice cracks, but she shrugs me away, needing to do this on her own.
No one says a word, everyone is suddenly taking her seriously and waiting to know what she has to say.
“I’m pregnant.” And there goes the Band-Aid. I almost laugh in spite of myself as she blurts out the two little words that have the entire family rendered speechless. That’s a first around the Parker table.
“Well, somebody say something.” She glances around the table as Mom lets out a sob. Dad is quick to grab a hold of her hand and asks the question everyone is dying to know the answer to.
“Who is the father?”
“It’s that guy from the mountains, isn’t it?” Mom puts two and two together.
“I’ll rip his fucking head off,” Jaxon roars out.
“Stop. Can everyone just stop? It’s hard enough having to tell you all this without each one of you having an opinion on it. I understand this might be hard to hear. Everyone is going to feel how they feel, but right now, I really need to know that I have you all in my corner because I’m doing this. I’m having this baby whether anyone likes it or not. Times in society have changed. There are plenty of women out there raising babies on their own, and I know I am capable of doing so. But I’m hoping I won’t be alone. I’m really hoping that this baby and me,” she places a hand over her bump, making my heart almost explode with fucking pride as she continues, “can count on you to be in this with us.”
“Oh, sweetheart, of course we are.” Mom is first to jump on the baby train, and Shiloh cries fresh tears, but they aren’t tears of sadness anymore. I swallow the lump in my own throat as I watch my brothers hug her one by one, telling her everything is going to be okay. That they’ve got her back no matter what. That we are Parkers, and that means we deal with our problems together.
Liam offers some words of reassurance over the screen, even if he does look a little shell shocked. I’ll bet he always thought he’d be the first one to bring some Parker babies into the world, given he’s the oldest and so settled with Heaven.
And then there’s Dad. His feet rooted to the floor. His blue eyes almost black as thunder and his square jaw locked into a tight grimace.
I watch as Shiloh’s eyes lift over my mom’s shoulder to meet his, searching out the same reassurance everyone else has given her and die a little inside when all he does is shake his head and walk away.
17
Hope
Once Karen handed me over to the care of a doctor, they checked my vitals, took some blood to run tests and put me in a little side room. I’ve never felt more alone.
There’s a small window where I can hear people talking in French as they stand right outside of my room. I’m lucky that Karen brought me to an International Hospital, so at least I can understand what the doctors and nurses are saying. It’s still a little unnerving when they communicate with each other in a completely different language. None of them have let on that they have any idea who I am, but I wonder if that’s what they are saying to each other. For all I know, they could be gossiping about me right in front of my face, and I would have no idea.
The longer the wait, the more impatient I am to get out of here. There’s nothing wrong with me anyway. I just need to make sure from now on that I eat better, especially before a show. Lesson learned.
Stupidly, to pass the time, I flick through my phone. Tonight’s events were already all over my social media. Simon had posted a polite message from my account telling everyone that I’m doing fine and have come down with a stomach bug. The post says I’ll update everyone before my next show and any cancelations will be fully refunded. The comments are a mixed bag, as expected. Most of my loyal fans wishing me well, but plenty chastising me for canceling the show when I could have gotten back out there. Some had posted pics of me leaving the arena, proving that there was nothing wrong with me.
There’s a bunch of missed calls from Simon and a text asking me to call him ASAP. I shove my phone back in my pocket, not in t
he right frame of mind to deal with anything more than to simply come to terms with the situation.
A brief knock at the door is closely followed by the doctor who Karen handed me over to earlier.
“Miss Carson, I have your test results back. I am able to confirm the reason you fainted.”
There was a reason?
I widen my eyes, waiting for whatever it was he has to tell me with a sinking feeling this is going to be bad news. Maybe they found an underlying health condition that I didn’t know about. What if it’s something serious?
“You did?” is all I manage to say, my throat suddenly feeling as tight as my chest.
“Yes. You fainted because you're pregnant.” He grins as I fight back the urge to throw up. Or pass out. Or something.
“Not to worry, Miss Carson. It’s very common in the early stages of pregnancy and absolutely normal.”
“Pregnant?” I repeat. My voice is low and barely there.
He hesitates, eyeing me up and down. “I take it this is a shock for you. Is there anyone you would like me to call? If this is unexpected, it can help to have the support of your loved ones while you take in the news.”
My thoughts begin swirling into one big spiral of dismay, and I try to focus on my breathing to avoid what I suspect is a panic attack.
“Hope?” the doctor repeats, snapping me out of my trance.
“Sorry.” I clear my throat before explaining on autopilot. “This has all come as a bit of a shock.”
Understatement of the fucking century.
“It’s okay. I get so focused on the medical condition sometimes I forget to check to make sure the patient is alright.” He smiles. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I force out. “I’m fine, this just…”
“There you are.” Simon comes flying around the corner, sounding relieved that he’d managed to track me down.
“Ah, is this the father?” Doctor Spill-The-Beans asks. You’ve got to be kidding me. Was confidentiality not a thing in these places?
“Me?” Simon laughs off his question. “I’m not her father. I’m her manager.”
“I can’t believe he thought I was your dad.” He points at the doctor like the notion is completely absurd, when in reality, without all the Botox he’s had, he probably would look old enough to be my dad.
I don’t correct him, and as the doctor opens his mouth again, I quickly shake my head and narrow my eyes, silently pleading with him not to say a word.
“Simon, can you give us a minute?”
“What for?”
“I’m fine, I’d just rather have some space while I hear the doctor out.”
“I see.” Simon’s mouth turns to a harsh grimace. He’s offended, but the last thing I need is anyone knowing about this chaos. That’s exactly what it is.
A big fat heap of chaos.
Once Simon has reluctantly stepped outside, Doctor Spill-The-Beans turns his attention back to me. “You’ll need a scan as soon as your home. From your blood results I can estimate you are very early on in your pregnancy. Somewhere around the six-week stage, I would guess. But it’s important you are checked out by your own doctor within the next two weeks to confirm your due date and make sure everything is okay with your baby, as you do fall into the high-risk category.”
“High risk? What does that mean?”
“It’s nothing to worry about.” The doctor smiles, but it does nothing to alleviate my unease. “We just like to keep a closer eye on older moms. Especially with this being your first baby.”
The words sound so alien to me, and I feel dazed, as though someone just pulled the stage from me mid performance, causing me to float in mid-air. Not in a state of panic, but not exactly calm either. I’ve never had anything to solely belong to me before. Now a stranger is standing in front of me, throwing around comments like, ‘your baby.’ Suddenly, the only thing I know is that whatever happens from here on out, every decision I make, won’t just be about me.
For the first time in my life, it is about so much more than just me.
“Thank you, Doctor. Is there anything I should do? You know, to take care of the baby.”
“I’ll prescribe some folic acid. The nurse will be along with it shortly. Apart from that, just eat well, rest well and look after yourself. A healthy mommy usually means a healthy baby.”
18
Sullivan
“You’re gonna regret this in the morning, you know that?” Jaxon shouts at me over the music as I take another gulp of my beer.
“Hey, the shots were all your big idea, asshat!” I yell back.
“Did you just call me an asshat?” He squares up to me, and we both start laughing. All of us were a little worse for wear from the beer and stoked to be out in a club together for the first time in way too long.
Of course, Liam couldn’t be here. Also, I kind of understood about Warren, as he wanted to get back to his new girlfriend, Ali, but there’s no excuse for Mason. There’s nothing we didn’t do or say to drag him out tonight, but he wasn’t budging. I can’t imagine ever giving a woman that much power over me that I’d fall apart if things didn’t work out, but I guess you never know until you’re in that situation.
Right on cue, and as if reading my thoughts, my phone vibrates. I pull it from my pocket to see Hope’s name flashing on the screen. She was the closest I’d ever been to walking in Mason’s shoes and losing my heart to someone. Maybe because he’s ballsier than I am or maybe because I hadn’t found the right woman.
Hope was as far as I’d gotten to even thinking about a serious relationship, and she only wanted the complete opposite.
I decide to shove the phone back in my pocket to ignore the call and down another shot that Jax passes to me.
It was a conversation that was bound to kill my good time and one that can wait. She made it crystal clear she doesn’t want anything more than sex with me, and I’m not sure I can do that anymore. At least, not with her.
Golden girl was not what I expected, and even though it’s been two weeks since I saw her, I haven’t been able to get her out of my fucking mind.
“For Christ’s sake, would you get over there and talk to her already?”
Jaxon slaps my shoulder, forcing me to look around, half expecting to see Hope in my drunken state.
“The blonde over there. Her eyes have been burning into your back for the last hour. Go and put her out of her misery.”
I laugh, not budging and take a long sip of my beer.
“What’s gotten into you, man? The Sully I know would have been over there and in her panties already.”
“I’m just not in the mood.”
“Not in the…” He almost spits his beer out in shock.
“Sullivan Parker not in the mood for a pretty blonde. What the actual fuck?”
“You go over there. I’m gonna head out.”
“Great. Some wingman you turned out to be.”
“You hardly need a wingman. You’re Jaxon Parker. Your reputation precedes you.”
“Good point. I’ll see you, Sully.”
“Take it easy, Jax,” I say as he casually sidesteps along the bar, closing in on the pretty blonde.
It was true what I said about not being in the mood. I’d spent the last couple of weeks trying to forget all about Hope Carson, and now she’s calling me. For what? She realized she wanted more and is going to beg me to fly out to her this very second because she can’t be without me? I think not.
She probably just needs some company because she’s lonely on tour, but I’m not going to be that guy.
But I do need to know. Just to be sure. So, as I patiently wait for an Uber to take me home, I do the only logical thing and call her back.
“Sullivan?” Her voice is creamy smooth as she says my name, causing my heart to squeeze in response.
This was a bad idea. I forgot the effect this woman has on me.
“Golden girl,” I slur back.
“Have you been drinking?”<
br />
“A bit.” I shrug.
“I’m calling you because…”
“I miss you,” I blurt out, cutting her off.
“I miss you, too,” she replies after the longest silence.
“Want me to come over?” I offer.
“Why? Where are you?”
“I’m in my hometown in Florida.”
“I’m in Paris. This is why we didn’t get together, remember?”
“I could still come over,” I reason with her.
“You don’t sound in any fit state to fly a plane.”
“And you don’t sound in a fit state at all. Have you been crying?” Even through my fuzzy head I can detect the cracking in her voice that she’s trying to cover up.
“No,” she lies. “Look, this doesn’t sound like a good time. I need to see you face to face. Any chance your passing through Europe anytime soon.”
“Any chance you’re budging on your whole, long distances don’t work thing, anytime soon?”
She sighs and doesn’t say anything for the longest minute while my stomach flip flops. I can picture her sitting all alone in some hotel room and hope to God loneliness isn’t the only reason she’s calling me.
“Hope, I would fly from one side of the world to the other for you if you just tell me I’m what you want.”
Silence.
“That’s not why your calling, is it?”
“Not exactly. Sullivan, it’s really hard to explain, but I do really need to see you. I’m going to text you my hotel details now, come if you can. Not tonight, I mean not because I don’t want you to, but because you’ve had a drink and shouldn’t fly.”
“Okay, Mom,” I joke. “I’m not drunk enough that I think crossing the Atlantic Ocean to see a girl whose booty calling me is a good idea.”
“I am not booty calling you.”
“It’s almost 3am and you want me to come over. That sounds like a booty call to me.”
She chuckles a light girly sound that instantly reminds me of how sexy her laugh is. “Sullivan.”