Forgotten Alpha

by Alexi Maisonet

  Breaking our visual connection. I look away. Not saying anything I look straight ahead. I am some sorta supernatural being? Destined to save? Emotionally I can feel this is right. Logically “ WHAT THE FUCK !!! THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZYY!!!” But I am drawn out of my thoughts, feeling my brothers hand clasp mine “Together forever gurl.” swinging it forward, he begins skipping to the house saying “GAYLY FORWARD GURL!!” causing me to laugh at his craziness but do the same just to keep up. But his distraction works. I can’t help but chuckle. “You crazy you know that.”

  “Uh huh, BUT CHA LUV MEEE! YA KNO I’M TOO FA-BU-LOUS TA BE BORING!!”

  Arriving, back to the front gate, we re-enter. Approaching the three steps we hear toti’s voice say “EH? What happened?”a slight tone of concern shows in her eyes when she opens the door to meet us. With the swinging of the door comes the aroma of sofrito and spices boiling. Obvious she had started cooking. Further evident with her toweling her hands in the kitchen cloth she is holding. With a chuckle and a peck to her cheek I tell her “Not in the mood to see strangers and their hot coal stares. But can you finish telling me the rest of what loco (Crazy) was going to say?” tilting my head to my older brother.

  Mom nods yes, Randall says “Yo Ass CAN’T HANDLE ALL DIS. SHUT UP” rolling his eyes. Together walking back to the kitchen, toti asks, “You sure mijo (son)?” I nodded yes, if I realized then what my answer meant, I would have answered “NO!”.... too late. Returning to the pots on the stove, her back to me she begins “Each ‘wulf’ within ‘our pack’ possesses special techniques in some form. Either a unique mystic ability such as tracking beyond a wulf’s average distance. Or they can summon spiritual spheres, or necromancy, or an elite warrior fighting skills or other rare ability beneficial to our duty. Some are born into our pack while others, guided to our pack by the goddess.”

  Randall, who had rummage through the frig, stands up with an apple in his mouth. Crunching into it, the sound loud bounces in the kitchen. he goes to leave. “Mama. I got something to do. I promised Carmen I meet her.” Toti stops talking to me addressing him “Oh? Y eso? (And that)” Randall faces toti fully emphasizing his word “SUMTIN GURL” his eyelids widen as he tilts his head to me. They grow silent for just a moment, something I have gotten used to with them. Creepy because of what always happens next.

  Toti looks at Randall and says lifting her head “OHHH. Ok papi good luck this time” smirking. I ask “ Ma. how do you guys always finish each other's sentences?” my tone hinting at agitation. Toti, ignores the pots for a moment to face me. “It's a gift” is all she ever says. Being respectful I say “Yea well. That GIFT. is annoying. Feels like I am being kept out of some secret. I have enough on my plate ma. Can you tell me what this ‘SECRET’ is?” Lika always toti’s response shuts me down “I will papi. One day I will tell you everything. Just let me finish your little ‘history lesson eh?” with a smile she turns from me back to the pot. grrr

  Continuing where she left off, explains “ For example Carmen” are illustrations of gifted wulves birthed into our pack while my brother Randall, is an example of a gifted wulf brought to our pack.” The more she revealed, the further I felt like I was in a Syfy movie. Explaining how, at my birth, I received two gifts by the goddess herself. Two very special capabilities of my own.

  My first is a rare ancient blood lineage known as Necromantia dated back to ancient Egypt. My necromancer gift gives me the ability to summon animal souls to use as weapons. From what Toti explained, Horrified, she witnessed its surface when I was just a young cub of 6yrs old. She says while traveling through a town; I had a temper tantrum. Summoning animal souls which attacked and decimated a small town. Eating the souls of its residents. For the safety of all, my pack mystics along with mom, Carmen, and deceased grandfather placed a ritualistic seal within me. Temporarily binding this ability until I could deal with my necromancer abilities.

  As mom told me, I drew back from her, shocked. My eyes opened to saucer size. “Impossible!” Thinking to myself, “I killed people and don’t REMEMBER! Am I a beast? Is that why I have Amnesia? As punishment?" at this point I stop and question her "How toti?... Why? What could make that happen?"

  For a for a few seconds, her head turns from me silent . Her gaze to the counter. I felt the air in the kitchen become heavy, making it hard for me to breathe. Then lighten when she turns her head back, facing me. Her voice calm, wise, centered. She kisses my cheek "something incredible happened. Something never experienced within our kind with one so young." Yet, she changed the subject "But now is not the time for that." Continuing her stroll down Syfy central.

  It was when mom spoke of my 'second gift" I felt something, almost like another's will within me sharpen my attention to her. She said “your second blessing is your wulf Sable. He is one of the seven Celestial guardian Wulves to the Goddess and your soul companion.” She said "Think of you both as twins or dual spirits, united from birth, joined by your physical vessel. Yet complementary & interdependent in the natural world on one another. You are both different both in thought and personality, yet dependent on each other's survival. Through this bond, you both interrelate to one another. One remaining in the astral world, while the other is in the physical world." Again I look at her like she was crazy. Not looking at me Toti says "Respect." Her tone stern.

  But her tone changed, causing me to look at her and not my coffee anymore. I felt pain “Besides these blessings, the Goddess gave us longevity. Upon arriving at our 19th birthday, for every ten human years, unless killed, we wer's age but a single year.” Again my deer headlights look, this part of this werewulf history I liked. I AM A FREAKIN VAMPIRE!! With a second voice tone change, Toti refocused my thoughts to her

  "Alejandro realize this, living this long without our mates can lead to a torturous emotional life. Which is why the mate bonds awaken around this time within our lives, . It provides emotional stability. (For some) but more on that later." Annnd she changes the subject. Again. Yet toti’s last comment left me thinking, something about our 'love life' made me happy. A forever partner huh? Hmmm the thought of a forever partner sounded intriguing somehow.

  Returning to her previous point of history she continued "Our soul bond allows us to communicate with one another and other supes (supernaturals) through wulf telepathy called "wulf Speak." Second; our bond allows us to phase. Phasing is when weres switch physical places with their astral wulf counterparts. Manifesting into physical wulf bodies and our physical human form becomes astral.

  Annnnd there is where irony kicks in. A traumatic situation I experienced, stole these memories, this supposed life from me. According to our pack doctors, I suffer from Post-Traumatic Amnesia. A state of affliction from a traumatic experience. You forget a whole segment of a life you once lived including those people you once knew. For me, it's being “werewulf”.

  Toti said “You laid for three days with brain swelling in the pack infirmary comatose. Your body recuperated as do all injured wulves, but your mind did not. The injury you sustained was to your cerebral cortex, Resulting in you being cursed with Post-Traumatic Amnesia.” Remembering these words I would argue that point. Because if you ask me, this is when my personal hell began.

  To give descriptive words for the depth of my mental blank slate, there is none. Imagine yourself in the middle of a dark forest. Staring at shadowy figures all around you who were once familiar supe's you were close with, grew up with, shared life with. Now, they’ve become light-less masked figures in a creepy ominous forest of which I must travel through every day to get home. Only I never reach home because I’ve lost my way. Having lost all sense of purpose and direction, the path I am following disappears into nothingness, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the forest with sunlight fading.

  The countless times I've run into someone I knew prior Amnesia, seeing how they talk. At first happy to see me, reliving times I cannot remember leaving me to stare at them. Faking a smile I nod my head. Throwing a bewilder
ed stare to either Randall or Carmen or mom who never leave me alone. asking to save me. They always step in, explaining my misfortune. Watching the same supes now look at me with confusion & pity in their eyes after hearing what occurred. As if my misfortune makes me frail. After a while, it was easier to just stay home instead of going out & walking through the hot coal stares of my fellow supposed ‘pack members’.

  I AM NOT A BASKET CASE!!

  I'm…..I’m just a stranger living in a stranger's body was supposed to be mine. Living a life I know nothing of with people I remember nothing about. Every attempt to unlock my memories results in agonizing, head splitting migraines, and blackouts. But I want this to end. So giving up for me, was never an option.

  It was during these forlorn times a dream begins. recurring every night for the next two months. This dream places me running through the woods, the wind caressing my face. The distant sound of running water growing louder to my ears till I come to stand and see three beautiful flowing cascading pools, fed by an aqua green-blue lake. For a moment, I remain transfixed on this site, taking in its view, marveling at nature's beauty. My gaze drifts, going across to its opposite bank following the riverbanks’ short summit upwards, stopping at its' peak. Just beyond a huge thick curved Chestnut tree having leaves full of varying shades of green hidden, I can see a modern looking cabin. The sight is beautiful and breathtaking, yet in my dream, a smile on my face appears for a different reason.

  A crimson red wulf comes into view approaching the ridge edge. Stopping here, it looks down towards me tail wagging, whining, waiting for me. The pull I feel to go to it is overwhelming and here is where my dream always end. Leaving me breathless, confused. Leaving me, yearning for this wulf. I felt an urge to leave develop within me growing stronger.

  THE JOURNEY BEGINS

  Over the course of the next year. This impulse, pulled me north. Every night the dream. Every morning the urge. There IS something calling to me. Something waiting for me. For the next two months, my dream repeats and the desire to leave grows in intensity.

  One morning no longer able to keep it to myself, I shared my dream with mom describing it. Mom listened without interrupting. As she hears, I noticed moms' face and shoulders sag showing a little sorrow. Becoming worried I stop, asking her “Toti, what's wrong”. Mom goes into her bedroom silent without saying a word. She returns holding a picture frame handing it. I look to see us in the picture. My heart drops my chest aches with slight pain. I couldn't remember this, it was another time and he another Alejandro. The love and wisdom in both their eyes. He looks so happy, his silver eyes glisten. His cheek pressed against hers' I want to be him again. I deserve to be him.

  My gaze glued to the picture studying it as toti goes into detail telling me how happy I was, and why. I took it in my favorite place she said. A place called Black Bear Mountain in upstate NY. Often, I would bring her there whenever she came to NYC to visit me. I never know I even lived there NYC. A tone of sadness surfaces in her voice as she spoke, "You told me this is your place of peaceful solitude, you called it.........Home. For wulves, those emotions hold meaning."

  Listening to toti (mom) explain its exact New York location. I continue taking in every detail within the picture, that's when I saw it. Then it was there behind us in the picture is ... is... A THREE POOLED CASCADE!! A surge rips through my entire body. A spark of recognition appearing in my eyes as smile comes forth widening across my face and Toti saw.. I......I remember this place and our kitchen suddenly became dead silent.

  My eyes scan the picture for IT. Anxiety rising within “Come on please, please be here also” I say to myself, my heart pumping harder “it has to be here please” searching. Just beyond it, atop a ridge almost concealed behind the branches of a huge Chestnut tree overlooking the cascades, A CABIN!! Looking to her mom's eyes held a sadness, then fell to the picture. She continues. Her facial expression, her words come forth laden with a heaviness I don’t remember ever feeling off her. "With my help, you purchase a cabin there and Alejandro, you even raised lost cubs you found there years ago." I put the picture down and embrace my mother. She tried to smile but managed a grin. “Hey” she said “Your coffee is getting cold” Knowing this is how ma choose to change the topic.

  But still, after this, there was nothing else I could think about. My urge only strengthening with each passing day. Dreaming at night, an ever mounting restless pull to seek answers during my waking hours. This went on for two months becoming an obsession. So obsessed in fact, with Carmen's help, and against mom's repeated protective protests, three months later, the yearning to leave won. I moved to NYC…. Alone. On that day toti gave me the picture “I don’t want you to go Alejandro. But, you are no longer my little boy. You are grown now.” Toti’s eyes watered as I prepared to depart “Here mi nene (my young boy) THIS, This place will always your home papi (baby)” the moisture in her watery eyes did not fall. But, her croaking and emotional tones. Told me the depth of her fear.

  “Toti, I can't live like this anymore. Lost alone.”

  “You are never alone Alejandro. Soon the world as you know it will change.” Her throat turning hoarse. “Carmen knows your coming. She has the keys to your apartment. Call me when you get there ok? I want to make sure you get there fine. Maybe your brother should go with you”

  “MA.” smiling to her “That’s why there is GPS!” chuckling to try and make her mood better. Randall saw the same thing speaking up “Mama don’t ya worry We got Whatsapp and I will put him on video. Dat way we talkin all da way up.” We three hug. Toti’s words heavy, painful to hear “My babies. I love you both so much. You are both the purpose of my life. The fire in my heart. Never forget that.” Then, like always toti changes the subject. Telling me where I would find the cabin. As I got in the car, ready for the 19 hr drive to Nyc I look at my mother. She is hurting. No matter how much my leaving hurts her, toti is strong. Hiding it behind a half smile and leaky eyes.

  Randall’s another matter “Beyotch... phone now chop chop.” snapping his fingers in my face approaching my drivers side window. Handing him my phone he connects me to whatsapp “Yo ass. Forget everything. MAMA & I AM KEEPING TABS. “ Chuckling to him “You know I am grown right?”

  “Uh, huh, yea watever.” opening his phone he connects us. Mami comes to see “Mira (Look) all this new tech. Who knew you can do this now.” handing me a plastic bag of cooked food as we laugh at her. “ I made some pasteles for you and the trip. There is a dozen also for Carmen. And stop when you get tired. DON’t drive sleepy and….”

  “Toti.” looking to her with a smile “ I know ma. I will be fine. Don’t worry.” Taking the bag of food and setting it next to me. Toti maybe limited with technology BUT, amazing in the kitchen!

  Randall plugs my phone to the USB port in my car, clipping the phone holder right over my A.C. vent “Dar. now y'all set gurl.” His tone cracks and he looks down for a second. Then looking back up, my brother takes a deep breath and stares right in my face “ya know I can come with you. You are not alone Alejandro. You don’t have ta go commando alone gurl. I mean I can call my job on da ….” Cutting him off, I feel his tone, see his look, meeting my eyes the same as Toti’s. “Randall. I know. But I’m a grown man. I have to do this. I need to do this. I can’t keep living this way.” shifting my gaze from him, looking out my windshield to the road “I am scared Randall. Scared as fuck. But something is waiting for me. Calling me. I don’t know what it is. But if it helps me get back my memory. Then I’m doing this.” Meeting his gaze with a head turn “Because I am tired of feeling I’m a ghost.”

  He reaches in, kissed my cheek wrapping his arm around my neck. I do the same “Your not a ghost bitch. Your my little brother.” Releasing me, Randall pulls back out the car window “ you kno. You’ve always been da one ta make things happen.” a smirk “Make it happen gurl.”

  He goes to toti, both hug, then both look at me with an arm wrapped around each other and start waving. A quick wave and I pull
out of the driveway, heading towards I-95 North. Hearing his screaming voice sassy “Bitch stop staring at me. Keep yo eyes ON DA ROAD!” I huff Taking short glance to my the phone on my right saying “BITCH SHUT UP BEFORE I TURN OFF THE VIDEO!!” Laughing. Knowing Randall wants to break the hurt of my leaving, changing my mood again. “BITCH. JUMP IF YA FEELIN FRO….” Click. I turn it off.

  I have left behind the dark forest everyone calls home but me. I have left mom and my brother Randall. All I hold are hopes of finding something which will unlock my memory. This was three years ago. I am Alejandro Maisonet and this; is my story.

  DESIRE

  The dawn's sunlight enters it's rays through my open drawn curtain windows brightening my bedroom. I groan, turning over in my bed away from nature's natural alarm clock. Even with my eyes closed. I see the previous night's shrouding darkness receding. This is Bella, my four pounds Maltese her cue. curled asleep against my ribcage next to me on the bed, She stirs moving from her resting spot. As always, she extends her small white frame, stretching like a cat. Then Bella straightens, shakes her head which turns into a ripple effect, seen continuing down her body and flicks sideways off her tail. After finishing, she turns around faces me, sitting on her haunches. Her usual morning look apparent "Bathroom now, let's go".

  When I don't get up quick enough, the little snot emphasizes her urgency by jumping on my chest with her two little front paws. With a grumbling voice, I tell her "I get it,". Sitting up on the bed placing my feet on the floor, I pause to look at the picture frame holding the picture of me and mom on my nightstand; a minute longer than Bella liked. She growls causing me to turn my attention back to her away from the picture. Grumbling I voice "Impatient much.". Picking her up, I set her down on the floor.

  Previously, Bells USED TO jump off my high queen bed resulting in occasionally bumping her chin when she landed. I said used to, because she figured out it was safer to wait for me to pick her up.Then set her down on the floor. Than to jump and hit her chin. Smart little Bitch. Opening my bedroom door Bella bolts left, racing through the kitchen past the open balcony door to squat on her pad to handle her business.