Adventurous Love

by Lea Coll

  “It was amazing. I’m almost upset we can’t travel anymore for a while because we’re having the baby. It was so nice going somewhere with someone you love. Experiencing a new place with them, knowing he’ll be my side forever.”

  Gray came across the screen. He whispered, “I love you.” That one simple act of love made my happy mask slip. Gray kissed Elle on the temple and was gone.

  “What’s wrong?” Elle was zeroed in on me.

  I winced. I’d told myself I wouldn’t be that transparent, but everything was still raw. “Nothing. I’m just happy for you.”

  “You don’t look happy.”

  “I guess I’m a little jealous of what you have. I want to fast forward to this moment in my life.” Where had that come from? That wasn’t what I’d planned to say.

  “Oh yeah, how was the rest of your time with Henry? Did you take advantage of that extra snow day?”

  “We did.” Not that it mattered. I told him everything and he still walked away.

  She clasped her hands together. “Do you think you’re going to move here? Before or after the baby’s born?”

  I shook my head slowly, not sure how to break the news to her.

  “No?” Her face fell.

  “No. We were just having fun.” I looked at my face on the screen, making sure any sign of sadness was erased. I looked strong, independent. I could have a fling and move on; at least outwardly, no one would know it was hard.

  “I thought it was more…”

  It was until it wasn’t, or Henry refused to acknowledge it. “No. He was always upfront about not wanting more than my time in Telluride.”

  “Really? Are you sure you’re okay with that?” Her expression filled with concern.

  “Yes, and it won’t affect me coming to visit.” Much anyway. I’d avoid Henry, act like I was okay. I’d perfect the act of appearing fine on the outside.

  When it looked like Elle was going to ask more questions, I interrupted, “I don’t want to talk about me. I want to talk about your honeymoon. Tell me everything.”

  Elle launched into a recitation of everything they did in Hawaii, snorkeling, hiking, boat rides. I listened because it sounded amazing, I was happy for her even if my heart was breaking. Even if I was sad, I’d never have what she and Gray did.

  When she was done, she lowered her voice. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m good, Elle. Really. I’m just so happy for you and Gray, that you found each other.” It was so incredibly rare. I hope she cherished it forever.

  “Thank you. I’m so happy too.”

  “You deserve it.” She deserved every happiness that came her way after the years she spent on that reality show with fans calling her names.

  “You do too.”

  I opened my mouth only to close it. “I am happy, Elle. I don’t need to find a man to be happy.”

  “I’m not saying that, but you have a bigger heart than anyone I know.”

  Did I? Is that why I fell so hard for people? I wanted so desperately for them to love me back, I had to steel myself against people.

  “And it’s not a bad thing.”

  It totally was. It was the worst.

  “I worry you’ve closed yourself off to the possibility of being with anyone.”

  “I tried with Henry, but he told me all along it couldn’t be more.” He showed me his true self when we were leaving for the airport. I annoyed him. He didn’t love me. He couldn’t. Not if he was harboring all of that deep resentment toward me and I had no idea.

  Her face fell. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I always was.

  “Yeah, but I had such high hopes for you moving here, to have my best friend close by while I raise my baby.”

  “You have Piper and the Rigbys.”

  “I do, but I wanted you too.” Elle’s expression was wistful.

  I didn’t want to upset her. At the same time, I wished it was Henry saying those words. “I wanted that too. I got that promotion though.”

  “Oh good. That’s what you wanted, right?”

  “It was.” I wasn’t so sure anymore, but I’d see it through. I’d give it a chance. Otherwise, I’d always be wondering what if. Isn’t that what Henry had said? I’d grow to resent him if I gave up my dream to be with him.

  “I’m getting hungry, so I’m going to see if Gray scrounged up something to eat.” Just saying his name had her face going soft, a smile playing on her lips.

  It caused my heart to crack a little further apart. I wasn’t sure I’d ever stitch it back together.

  “Congrats again.”

  “You too.” I smiled wide, infusing my happiness for them so she wouldn’t see how upset I was about Henry. Hitting the end button on our call, I closed my laptop.

  An idea formed, gathering momentum. What if Telluride was where I was supposed to be? Not with Henry but living there with my friends?

  I didn’t have to avoid the town because Henry lived there. Plenty of people broke up and went about their normal lives, running into each other occasionally at gatherings and the grocery store. We were only together a short time. It was a blip in our lives even if it felt like the worst thing that ever happened to me―worse than my parents’ indifference, getting injured at that party, and my college break-up combined.

  I wanted to move to Telluride because I loved it there. I had real friends there. The only real issue was that I didn’t have a job. I’d give my new job a chance, but I’d let the idea of moving to Telluride simmer on the back burner of my brain.

  What happened with Henry sucked but going to Telluride pushed me to reconsider how I was living my life. Instead of hiding among the millions of people in New York, living an invisible but safe life, I wanted to really live again. I wanted to feel the rush I got from ice climbing, trying some new adventure, and the thrill of waking up to the view of the mountains. I wanted to be close to Elle and Gray, and their baby. I’d be able to babysit. I could form meaningful, close relationships in my life. That was what mattered. Not a job that any number of people could fill. Not some fling with a certain lodge owner.

  I told myself that every night when I had trouble sleeping. When I closed my eyes, all I could see, all I could feel, was that moment when Henry said we wouldn’t work. I thought we were saying goodbye for the moment, that we were the start of something amazing and beautiful. Instead, the sensation of my heart being ripped out of my chest made my whole body hurt. I couldn’t forget how that felt. I wouldn’t give anyone a chance again.

  Chapter 24

  Henry

  * * *

  “What the fuck happened?”

  I was mid-swing, bringing the ax down on a log when Gray’s voice reached me. I slowed my momentum, the blade sliding off the wood instead of slicing it. I didn’t need any more firewood, but it felt good to take my frustration out on something.

  I let the handle fall from my hand, wiping the sweat off my forehead with the bottom of my shirt. “What are you talking about?”

  “What happened between you and Kelsey? Elle’s upset.”

  I wasn’t sure how to answer. This was why I didn’t want to get involved with Kelsey at all. I hadn’t wanted to hurt Kelsey much less Elle.

  “She should be happy. We just got married, went on an amazing honeymoon, and we have a baby on the way.”

  Guilt sliced through me at his poorly veiled accusation, jagged and uneven. “I’m sorry.”

  Gray sat on one of the logs situated around the fire pit meant for guests, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.” I tensed, the muscles of my neck aching from the exertion of chopping wood.

  Gray nodded toward the large stack of cut wood. “I think you have enough firewood.”

  There’d never be enough to assuage the guilt and regret knotted in my chest.

  “I let her go.” The truth burst out of me. She was gone. I’d irrevocably cut ties with her a
nd it was killing me. I’d felt achy, exhausted, and feverish.

  “I’m sorry?” Gray’s forehead wrinkled.

  “I couldn’t ask her to quit her dream job.”

  “Who said you had to?” He raised a brow.

  “I can’t do long distance. It hasn’t worked before, and it won’t work now. If I made that step with someone, I’d want a partner, someone here running the lodge with me or at least working in the same town. My mom found my dad but that’s rare. No one wants to take on this.”

  His eyes widened. “That was a lot. First, I get not wanting to do long distance. But what if you’re in love with her?”

  I was. I wasn’t sure when it happened. Whether it was at some point over the waterfall, in the ghost town, or the hot tub… “It doesn’t matter. It takes more than love to make a relationship work.”

  “Sure. There’s compromise, sacrifice…”

  “Exactly. More than I had any right to ask of her.”

  “Did you talk to her about this?” His tone was low.

  “She said she wanted to quit her job and move here. Not right away, but she was talking about the possibility.” Saying it out loud made it seem less like a scary, impossible proposition.

  “But you don’t want to ask someone to do that?”

  “Right.” I sat across from him, satisfied he was finally seeing things my way.

  “Who are you to tell her she can’t?” His tone was deceptively calm with a fine edge to it.

  I opened my mouth, not sure how to answer.

  “If you love her and she loves you, why can’t she move here?”

  “I mean, I can’t stop her if that’s what you’re saying.” Then realization dawned, my heart sped up. “Why, is she moving here?”

  He waved me off. “I don’t think so. That’s not the point. You made the decision for her.”

  “I don’t think I did.” I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling a bit like a petulant child arguing with their parents.

  “You did. You told her not to quit her job, not to move here, that her opinion didn’t matter.”

  “I mean—I guess—I don’t know what the fuck happened, okay?” I stood, pacing in front of the fire pit, running a hand through my hair. “I just—I couldn’t cope with her leaving. I couldn’t look forward to seeing her every few months only to say goodbye again. I couldn’t do it.”

  The pain of coming home, happy with a ring, intending to propose to Selena then finding out from the clerk at the store she’d been dating someone else coursed through, fresh as the day it happened. It wasn’t that I still loved Selena or that I ever loved Vanessa. Now that I knew what love was, I was positive I never loved either of them like I did Kelsey. It was remembering how difficult it was when they rejected me. I wasn’t worth waiting for.

  “So, it’s easier not to see her at all.” Gray’s tone rung hollow.

  “No. That fucking sucks too.” My mouth was in the gutter along with how I felt about the whole situation. “You said I’d know I was gone for a girl when I wanted to give up my dream for hers. That hasn’t happened. I still want to save the ranch, make the lodge a success, and have a family—here—in Telluride.”

  “But are you happy?”

  I’d kept what I thought I wanted. “Do I look happy to you?”

  “No. You look like shit.”

  “It sucks. The whole situation sucks. Her there. Me here. It was a week and a few days, Gray. How the hell do you fall in love with someone during that time?”

  “You spent a lot of time together.”

  “We shared some heavy shit too.” I thought back to how she’d opened up to me about what happened to her at that party, how life was growing up. She’d never told anyone. Yet she’d told me. She said she never felt this way about anyone. I was the one for her. That feeling was indescribable. She’d never let anyone in, not really, and she trusted me. Even when I’d told her repeatedly, I wasn’t a sure thing. I wasn’t looking for anything after her vacation.

  The part of me that wanted to hear those beautiful things had been pushed down so deep, I hadn’t let him out in years. The part of me that wanted to protect myself had taken over, pushing her away, denying my feelings for her when they threatened to overwhelm me.

  “What’s more important—the ranch, the lodge, or Kelsey?”

  “That’s an impossible question. The ranch is my family, the past, the future, what I’ve always wanted. I never wanted anything else.”

  “You want Kelsey too.”

  “I do, but I don’t know if I want her more than my family’s legacy.”

  “It’s a tough decision for sure. Do you want to be with her or not?”

  “Of course, I want to be with her.”

  “Talk to your parents. I think they’ll understand.”

  “You act like I’ve already made my decision. Like I’m just going to walk away from all of this. I have a loan, the lodge, and my family depending on me.”

  “You have made the decision. You just haven’t realized it yet. You pushed her away because your feelings scared you. You weren’t ready to accept them or what they meant. Or you knew exactly what it meant, and you weren’t ready to make that final step to give up everything here. You forget this land is worth more than anything you can build. Your family will be okay.”

  “Financially they’ll be okay, but this land is my mom’s heart and soul. My father loves it too.”

  “Talk to them.” His tone left no room for argument.

  “I will.” The words came out as a sigh.

  Gray stood, ready to leave.

  “Thanks for listening.”

  “No problem, man. You helped me out when I was an idiot about Elle. I pushed her away because of her past. I know more than anyone that your past doesn’t define you. So, stop letting yours define your future. Plus, I want my wife to be happy.”

  “Is that what’s it like being with someone? Protecting them, always wanting to make them happy?”

  “It’s all of that and so much more. It’s—she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’d do anything for her.”

  The ache in my chest imploded as his words hit home. Kelsey was everything to me. In less than a couple of weeks, she’d become my person, my partner, my love. Fuck. I was so screwed.

  “How am I going to fix this?” The question was more to me than Henry as he’d already started walking away.

  “You know what you have to do.”

  I looked at the mountains. I’d never lived anywhere but Colorado. “New York, huh?”

  “You’re exchanging mountains for skyscrapers. Maybe if you play your cards right, she’ll still want to move here to be with you, but I would take the other angle. Talk to your parents about the likelihood of you managing this place from New York for a while, or the possibility of selling.”

  “Okay.” The idea didn’t seem as scary as it did. I’d seen what life would be like these few weeks without her and it sucked. Every time I had to make a decision about the lodge, I wanted to ask her opinion. I wanted—no, I needed her by my side. If she couldn’t be here, then I’d go to her.

  “Good luck. No texts or phone calls either. She deserves something big. She needs to know you’re serious about the relationship. You’re putting her first this time.” With that last word of wisdom, Gray waved goodbye, walking around the lodge to the gravel lot.

  I needed it. I’d royally fucked everything up thinking I was doing her a favor when I was making the decisions for her. Worried she’d change her mind just like Selena had.

  I should have known from her reaction to my mother showing her family pictures and telling her the history of the ranch, she genuinely loved it here. The way she helped me with the lodge and the website, encouraged me to start the adventure tour company, it was clear she was invested in the lodge, in me, and my success.

  She thought Telluride was amazing. That wasn’t an act. She wasn’t just trying to be nice. She’d been nothing but genuine.

 
I tried to think back to that day we met, the city girl, the one who was awed by the mountains yet scared to try new things. She changed so much while she was in Telluride, but I’d fallen back on my old ways. I’d lumped her in with the other women I’d dated, expecting her to be and feel the same, but she was different. Gray was right. I couldn’t hold out hope or assume she wanted to move here. No more assumptions, no more thinking for her. I’d do things right this time. I’d go to her, lay all my cards on the table, and hope it wasn’t too late.

  I showered before heading to my parents’ for Sunday dinner. It was rare that Piper showed, so I should have their undivided attention. Walking in, the smell of barbecue chicken met me.

  “Smells good,” I said as I bent to kiss my mom’s cheek.

  Dad sat at the kitchen table where corn on the cob, potato salad, and rolls were laid out. It was informal tonight since it would most likely just be me joining them.

  “Can I talk to you about something?”

  Mom paused, concerned. “What is it, dear?”

  I winced not thinking that she might think there was something wrong with my health. “It’s nothing bad… health-wise anyway.”

  Dad waved his hand at me. “Go on. No point in keeping us in suspense.”

  “I met someone.”

  Mom’s hands went to her mouth, sucking in a breath, then she looked at Dad. “I knew it. I was just telling myself it was time Henry met someone.”

  “You’ve been saying that for years,” I teased.

  “And I was right.” She shot me a triumphant smile.

  I stifled a groan.

  “Is it that woman that was visiting from New York? Kelsey, right?” Excitement filled her voice.

  “What happened?” Dad asked.

  He usually figured out what was going on with us. Of course, why he’d let Piper be upset for so long was beyond me.

  “Henry Rigby, are you telling me that you came over here to tell me you just met a girl and screwed it up in a matter of weeks? How long has it been since she visited?” Mom’s eyes were on the calendar on the wall, mentally calculating the days.