by Voss, Deja
“Well boo hoo hoo,” Colt said, wiping fake tears from his eyes.
“Love you,” she teased, her white teeth shining as she grinned from ear to ear.
“You need a one-night stand,” I said to Sharky. “You think there’s some grade a ass out there looking for a forty-year-old virgin? The kind of woman you’re dreaming of isn’t going to want to buy what you have to sell, dude.”
“I’m not a virgin,” he said, pounding his fist off the bar.
“Nah, he’s just sweet on Sabrina,” Rosey said. “She’s been eighteen what, six months now, and you haven’t even shot your shot yet?”
“I told you not to tell anyone,” Sharky said. “Especially not him.”
“What are you trying to say, son?” I asked. “If I wanted Sabrina, I would’ve had her a long time ago. She’s too fucking young for me.” Sabrina was a sweet girl. Good looking as fuck with legs so long they damn near came up to her tits. She’d been living in a safe house since Law brought her back from Vegas, but now that she was legal, she’d been hanging around the clubhouse more and more. I personally didn’t mess with that young pussy anymore. Chicks like that are the kind that wanna have feelings, wanna be in love. I didn’t like breaking hearts so I just stayed away from shit like that. “You want my help or not?”
“I’d take the man’s help,” Tressica urged. “The man’s a pussy whisperer.”
“Now why you gotta say shit like that in front of me?” Colt growled.
“Oh, sweetie,” she said with a giggle, “you’re the only man whose mouth is allowed anywhere near my pussy. Quit being a baby.”
I scanned the room for Sabrina. She was hanging out over by the pool table, idly smacking balls around with the cue, not really paying attention to the party going on around her. There was nobody around here her age to hang out with. I thought the bitch was pretty bold. She had to know she had a target on her back, hanging out in a houseful of horny bikers, but between Athena acting like some old auntie towards her and Law being quick to remind everyone that the girl came here for protection after being trafficked, none of our Indignant brothers were trying to make a move. I had a good feeling about Sharky, though. Even without announcing it to all of us, I knew he wasn’t the hump and dump kind of dude. That’s why I had no problem giving him the keys to the kingdom in this circumstance.
Keys to the kingdom, or as I officially called them, Breaker’s Rules to Bitches.
“Now, you gotta do exactly what I say, or this will not work.” I pulled up the barstool next to him and sat down. “I’m gonna need another beer, love,” I said, throwing Tressica a wink. “And I’m gonna need you to fuck right off, Rosey.” I waved my hand at him, shooing him away.
“What the fuck, bro? What did I do?”
“This information is sacred. In the wrong hands it can be very dangerous. I hate to break it to you, but you are the perfect example of the wrong hands.”
“Are you trying to say I’m a scumbag or some shit?”
“Yes,” I said with a smile. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. Little Sharky here, though, he’s pure.” Sharky looked confused, and Rosey shrugged and walked off into the crowd of brothers standing around watching Ann and Melissa do their best sloppy drunken strip teases in the corner.
“You wanna know how to make that bitch like you? Here’s what you gotta do. Step one, you gotta make her feel safe. Women love feeling safe.”
“Safe from what?” he asked. “You gonna go over there and start some shit?”
“Nope. I don’t have to. Bitches like Sabrina, they have every reason to feel like every man is a predator. It’s in their DNA. You make her feel safe by showing her you’re not the kind of guy she has to worry about. You gotta show her you’re vulnerable, too.”
“You want me to make myself cry?”
“Hell no. Best way to make her feel safe is to show her you don’t take yourself too seriously. Say something ridiculous. Do something embarrassing. I know it sounds stupid, but you let Sabrina see you’re not afraid to laugh at yourself, she’s gonna open right up.”
Simple truth. You give women the upper hand, and their guard goes right down, likely their panties, too. Make em feel safe like no matter what they say or do around you, they got something worse on you.
“So like, make myself cry,” he said.
“Why are you obsessed with crying, boy, you an undercover emo or some shit? Don’t be making yourself cry.” I could damn near see the wheels in his head turning. “You better start keeping up or I’m gonna have to do a hands on demonstration. And trust me, neither one of us wants that, because then you’re going to probably want to kick my ass.”
“Alright,” he said. “Make her feel safe. Make her laugh at my dumb ass.”
“Rule two. Make her feel confident. Did you know every bitch walks around all day every day hating something about themselves? You can take the prettiest, most vibrant woman in this room and I’ll bet there’s a part of her body she absolutely can’t stand.”
“Not Sabrina,” he said. “She’s perfect.”
“Exactly. It’s your job to make her feel that way. You find that thing she hates about herself, you find that thing she tries to hide, and without even letting her know that’s what you’re doing, you compliment her on it. Don’t be obvious about it. You see how she’s always fiddling with that spot on the back of her neck? She’s got a birthmark right there that drives her nuts. You’ll never see that girl in a ponytail.”
“How the fuck do you notice this shit?” he asked, trying not to look suspicious as he gazed over his shoulder at her.
“It’s just what I do. Been at this since before my balls even dropped. Disclaimer, though, compliments don’t work if you ain’t sincere. None of this will work if you ain’t sincere.”
“You mean to tell me all those woofers you bring back to your room, you really think they’re perfect?”
“Fuck yeah, I do,” I said. I thought all women were beautiful, perfect, perceived flaws and all, worthy of my time, even if it was just for a night or an occasional booty call. My mama raised me right. “Where the fuck do we get off making any bitch feel lesser? The world could literally not function without women.”
“Ah classic Breaker,” Tressica teased, sliding me another beer. “One part feminist, one part man whore. You never know which one of his heads he’s thinking with.”
“Trust me, both are perfectly proficient, babe,” I said.
“Can we hurry this up? My birthday’s almost over,” Sharky said. “So far I gotta act like a fool, tell her her neck is pretty, then what? Propose? Introduce her to my mom?”
“Not in my world. And not just because my mom’s in a hole in the ground. Rule number three, you make her feel like she’s your best friend. Let her talk about whatever shit she likes. Listen to whatever story she has to tell like it’s the most interesting thing you ever heard. This part takes the longest, but it works in two ways. One, it’ll make her trust you even more, and two, if you ever want to hook up with her again, you can skip right over step one and two and ask her about how her cat Mr. Twinkles is doing. Pick up right where you left off. No awkward tension, no harm, no foul.”
“That’s it? Just let her talk?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “Then when she’s good and primed, you can start dropping hints in her ear. Unless she drops em first.” I raised my eyebrows and smiled at him. “Go on, Sharky. Shoot your shot!”
“That’s it? I feel like I’m missing something. I thought you were going to suggest some hoodoo secretive shit, and you just told me to basically be nice to her and be myself. You sure this shit works?”
“Only in the hands of the right man.” I patted him on the shoulders, pushing him towards Sabrina. “You’re a good kid. You got this.”
He slowly walked over to her, and I turned back to the bar, letting him have the space he needed to get his worm wet.
“You forgot to mention rule number four.” Tressica smiled, squintin
g at me, her blue eyes glowing through the dark rings of eyeliner. “The part where you ding dong dash and never have to tie yourself down to any one woman.”
“That’s just an add on to rule number three,” I said downing the last of my beer and slamming it onto the bar. “The part where we stay friends. No need to complicate it beyond that. You can’t tell me you ever saw me disrespect any bitch I’ve been with. What’s the damn difference, anyway? Isn’t your boyfriend married?”
She balled up her hand into a fist and jokingly jabbed at me from across the bar. “You having another? Or are you going to go show us how it’s done?”
“Just gimme another one,” I said with a shrug. “If Sharky’s doing it, and I’m doing it, shit will start getting weird. Won’t be a dry seat in the house, and I’m not up for that kind of challenge tonight.”
“Gross,” Athena said, coming up from behind me and hugging me. “Remind me to plug my ears the next time I walk up on you talking.”
“Don’t act like you don’t love it.” I pulled out the stool next to me so she could sit down. I liked Athena a lot. I liked the way Colt was glaring at me even more. I’d never try anything on his girlfriend. Definitely wouldn’t try anything on his sister, but it was fun watching his blood pressure go up. At the end of the day, he knew I was just fucking with him. “Where’s your mom tonight?”
Colt shook his head and waved his middle finger. My president. He knew I loved him more than all the bitches in this room combined. I couldn’t help my ways.
“Are ya’ll hungry?” I asked, pulling out the loaf of bread from my bag. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and the beer was going down way too fast. Didn’t much feel like getting tore up tonight. I was on dumpster duty in the morning, and I had some tax shit to get done for the MC later in the evening. Trying to do any of that hungover was worse than a persistent case of the clap. “Fresh baked today.”
“Who carries around a loaf of bread?” Tressica asked.
“I’m game,” Athena said. “You got any butter back there?”
Tressica stared at her like she’d lost her mind before walking into the kitchen attached to the bar. I laid the loaf of bread on the bar-top, unwrapping the parcel paper around it. It smelled amazing. Looked good, too. I grabbed my bowie knife out of the strap on my ankle and flipped the loaf over to cut it.
“Where the fuck’d you get this?” Athena asked, running her fingers over the crust. I thought I was just seeing things, but apparently she saw it, too.
Carved in the crust were the words “HELP ME” in big sloppy capital letters. My brain rushed back to Hannah, her supposed vow of silence, that feeling I just couldn’t shake that something was up.
“I got it at the bakery,” I stammered. “The Faithful Bakery.”
“The cult bakery? Oh Breaker, what the fuck did you get yourself into?”
“I don’t know,” I said, resting my head in my hands on the bar. It was fucking weird. My heart started racing, worrying about her. She was such a sweet woman, always kind, always constant. I’d never really thought she needed anything from me, though. Her people were quiet, religious, they seemed like the most innocent kind of people in the world. Pure. Untouched by the modern world. I thought about her pretty blue eyes, blinking wildly at me as she wrapped up the bread. Why didn’t I notice? Why didn’t she say anything? All she had to do was open her mouth, and I’d drag her out of there without hesitation.
“I’m going over there right now,” I said, standing up from the bar stool. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks, my sobriety not exactly at the kind of level to do anything remotely functional.
“Go sleep it off,” Tressica said. “You’re gonna get yourself arrested or killed if you go out like this.”
I knew she was right. Couple hours of sleep, couple cups of coffee, and I’d be in much better shape. I felt so fucking useless, pissed at myself for not seeing the signs sooner. If anything happened to her, I don’t know what I would do. She wasn’t just background noise anymore. She was the only thing I could think about.
She’s all alone and in danger, and you’re not doing a damn thing about it. I punched the wall as I walked back to the hallway that lead to my bedroom, smashing through the drywall without even flinching.
“What’s wrong, babe?” Ann asked. She was sitting on the floor, the strap of her tank top creeping so far off her shoulder. I could almost see her nipples. I liked this bitch, but I didn’t have the energy for her tonight.
“I’m just tired,” I said. “Going to bed.”
“Do you want some company?” she asked, tucking her cellphone into her purse and giving me the look that I normally couldn’t resist. I slid the strap of her shirt up as I helped her up off the floor and ran my fingers over the side of her chin.
“Not tonight, princess.” She pouted her glossy lips and batted her eyes. “It ain’t you. I’m just beat.”
I walked down the dark hallway, not even looking over my shoulder. It definitely wasn’t her. I only had one woman on my mind, the woman I hardly knew, but had known my entire life. The woman with the eyes that held a thousand secrets, the laugh that felt like home. She needed me, and I definitely needed her. I set my alarm for 4 AM and fell into bed, not even bothering to take off my boots.
Chapter Six
Hannah:
One year ago
“I’m so stupid!” I shouted, trying to log into the website for the twentieth time. Every time I thought I had it right, the screen would say ‘error!’ I felt like this whole thing was an error. There was no way I was cut out to be a veterinary technician. I couldn’t even spell my password right.
“What are you going on about, Hannah?” Dr. Leeman asked, looking up from his pile of paperwork.
“I can’t do this,” I said. “I shouldn’t be doing this. It’s a sign.”
This was what I got for going against the church. Sure, everybody else my age was living a double life themselves, dressing in street clothes and going to English parties, having secret cellphones, drinking alcohol and who knows what else, but they were doing it in solidarity. I was sneaking around. It was only a matter of time before I was caught and punished.
“Hannah, you have a gift. You know animals better than most people who studied them their whole lives. I wouldn’t be helping you otherwise. Now let me see.” He leaned over my shoulder and hit a button. I typed in my information and this time, it logged me in.
Instead of thanking him, I grumbled. I felt more stupid than when I started. I hung my head, and he chuckled, not in an insulting way, though. Dr. Leeman was never insulting. Always patient. Always more than happy to help me.
“Listen, I’m about as technologically competent as you are. You think we had computers and all these gadgets when I first started practicing? We’re going to learn this together. I will not let you fail. Now let’s see what we’re going to be working on today.”
Nobody had ever been so invested in me before, so confident in me. There was never anything exceptional about me. I was the perfect example of The Chosen Faithful. I kept my head down. The only books I read were church issued. I helped my family at the bakery and did my chores.
I was the perfect example of The Chosen Faithful, and yet I was miserable. I didn’t fit in with my siblings or the other kids my age. The older I got, the more I began to question my existence. I didn’t have any interest in being married off to a Faithful Brother and bringing a child into this life of confusion. I didn’t have any interest in anything at all. Except animals. I always loved animals.
Any time Doctor Leeman came to the farm, I watched him like a hawk. I followed him around, fascinated by his ability to look at a limping dog or a crying sheep and know exactly how to fix them. Even if he couldn’t fix them all, he made them feel better. He was a healer. I wanted to learn his powers more than anything in the world.
When he suggested to my parents I do an apprenticeship with him, in case he ever retired, they scoffed at the idea. If God had wanted me to b
e a veterinarian, he would’ve made me a man. For the first time in my life, I disobeyed them. The first chance I got, I faked a stomachache at the bakery one day and took off down the dirt road to his office.
He knew what a huge risk I was taking, but he never once discouraged me. I’d been sneaking to his office an hour here and there for the last six months, working on my vet technician certification and helping him with clients. He never once said anything to my parents, never once let on like we had this arrangement going.
I stared at the screen, squinting my eyes, slowly mouthing the words to myself.
“Essentials of psychology!” he boomed, dragging the little arrow across the screen. “That sounds interesting.”
“I don’t even know what that is,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air.
“Yes you do,” he assured me. “It’s the way we can look at an animal and tell how they’re feeling by the look in their eyes. Or the way they cock their head. It’s the signs their body give us about what’s going on in their minds.”
I knew exactly what he meant. It’s why I loved working with animals in the first place. They didn’t need to say a word at all, and yet, their bodies told us everything we needed to know.
“What does psychology say about me?” I asked with a giggle.
“Right now? If I were to try to guess what’s on your mind, I would say you are at a major crossroads. You’re scared that if you allow yourself to finish this class and do well, you’ll have to give up everything you’ve known your whole life. That’s why you sit here and tell yourself you’re stupid, why you tell yourself you can’t do it, when we both know the actual truth.”
I hadn’t said it out loud to anyone before. How could he know? I’d assured him a million times over the only reason I wanted to take this class was so I could help with the farm once he retired. I hadn’t told him that every time I sat here and listened to a lecture, every time I did an x-ray on a dog, or counted out pills, all I could think about was the day that I could be competent enough to leave the church.