by Voss, Deja
“You awake over there sweetie?” I asked, quietly as possible. Her eyes snapped open, and she rolled over on her side, her smile never leaving her face.
“How long did I sleep for?”
“Not long at all. You don’t have to wake up just yet.”
“I’m starving,” she said.
“Well, you’re in luck.” I walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the tray. “Looks like Reena made her famous lasagna today. You ever tried this before?” Everything that came out of my mouth sounded stupid. Awkward. I was fumbling over my words like a nervous teenage boy, except, I’d never gone through that phase. I was always smooth. What was going on here?
I sat on the edge of the bed, holding the tray for her, and she climbed out from under the covers. I couldn’t help notice how good she looked dressed up like a normal chick. The red long sleeve shirt she was wearing hung off her shoulder, and she had on matching striped shorts. I don’t know what I imagined her body looked like underneath that potato sack she always wore, but every inch of her was perfect. Hell, even her toes were cute. I turned my head quickly, hoping she didn’t notice me staring as she knelt next to me on the bed.
“I know they look really bad,” she said. “They don’t hurt, though.”
“What?” I asked.
“My bruises. I know they really upset Tressica. I saw the way you were looking at me, Breaker. You probably think I’m hideous.”
“Hannah, no one in their right mind would think you’re hideous,” I said. I hadn’t even been paying attention to the bruises on her neck, or the welts running down the back of her leg. To be honest, I was trying not to look. They only pissed me off. Only made me want to go out and take care of whoever did that to her. “I just, never saw ya in real clothes before. I wasn’t trying to stare.”
Wasn’t trying to stare, but I wanted to. Part of me couldn’t shake the urge to see every inch of her, touch her soft skin, kiss her all over. The other part of me was saying no fucking way. Not here. Not now. Maybe never.
“Here,” I said, handing her the fork. “Try and eat something.” I cracked open the can of ginger ale and poured it into a glass for her. “You ever have soda before?”
She giggled, and I felt dumb. “I have, and I love it.” She took a long sip, nearly chugging the whole glass down. “Sorry, I’m so thirsty.”
“Don’t be sorry. Drink, eat, do whatever you want, babe. You’ve been through a lot tonight. You need to get all the energy you can. If you want more, I’ll get you whatever you want. You just name it.”
She didn’t hesitate, sticking her fork in the lasagna and mowing it down like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. “I’m sorry, you didn’t want any did you?” she asked, her cheeks turning bright red. Fuck, she was cute.
“Babe, relax. I’m good. You want me to get you more?”
She shook her head, smiling at me with a contentment that I didn’t exactly expect to see from some chick who’d just been damn near murdered. She was looking way less traumatized than I’d anticipated. I didn’t know if it was a good thing, how normal she was acting. I was letting my guard down. Starting to feel like we could just hang out like nothing happened.
“If you need to leave, I understand,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me. I know this wasn’t how you planned on spending your evening.”
“You want me to go?” I asked, moving the tray from the bed back to the nightstand. She sprawled out on top of the comforter, that perfect body she’d kept hidden from the world for so much of her life stirring up feelings inside of me I knew I needed to keep tucked away.
“I want you to do whatever you normally do, Breaker. I don’t want to be a burden to you. I never want to be a burden to you.”
I didn’t know how to explain to her that the things I normally do weren’t things that I felt like doing anymore. By this point in the night I was normally a little buzzed, trying to figure out which lucky lady would keep my bed warm for the night. Sitting here hanging out with her was oddly more satisfying than all that. I could do this all night. Hell, I could do this for the rest of my life.
“You’re not a burden. Quit saying that shit. I would’ve never tried to help you bust out if I thought you were a burden.”
“Help me bust out,” she mumbled. “Help me bust out… oh my God…” She sat bolt upright on the bed. “That’s what I was trying to do earlier. You were coming to get me.”
“Yeah,” I said. “You were supposed to sneak out with your sister, and Rosey was going to distract her so you could meet me down the road.”
She put her fist to her lips. “Dammit,” she whispered. I cocked my head and stared at her. That was the closest thing to a swear word I’d ever heard from her lips, and it was kind of cute.
“You remember what happened?” I asked.
“No, and it’s really bothering me. It’s like somebody erased my memory. I don’t remember anything from after I saw you at the bakery yesterday.” She punched the bed in frustration.
“Drugs will do that to ya,” I said. “We’ll figure it out, babe. I’ll help you. We got all the time in the world. Why don’t you just rest a little?”
She sighed and nodded, sliding up on the bed, and rolling over on her back. She squealed as her skin hit the mattress, slapping her hand over her mouth. It hurt my heart, knowing she was in pain and trying to hide it.
“Will you let me put some medicine on that for you?” I asked. “Tressica gave me some stuff. I don’t know if it’ll make it feel better.” She sat up, hugging her knees to her chest, looking over at me like she was skeptical. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”
“I know you won’t hurt me. I just don’t want you to see it. It’s ugly. It’s bad.”
“You need to stop with that,” I said, cupping her chin in my hand. “There ain’t one thing on your body that’s ugly and bad. Everything about you is beautiful, Hannah.”
I damn near cringed as I said it. Any other time I’d be proud of that line. It was a good one, for sure. On her, it wasn’t a line, though. On her, it was the truth. The welts were ugly, but they would go away, and I’d make sure she’d never have to worry about that again.
She was sighing contentedly as I ran my fingers through her hair. So cute. So innocent. So fucking beautiful. I had to stop.
“Roll over on your stomach,” I said. “You want to watch TV while I do this?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Shit. Guess that’s not really something you do a lot of.” I grabbed the remote and flipped it on. She might not need a distraction while I rub this goop on her back, but I sure as fuck did. I had no idea what to put on. Nothing with violence. Nothing with sex. Animal Planet it was. Some mindless show about people bringing their animals to a vet seemed to be as harmless as I could get. “I’m gonna slide your shirt up,” I said as clinically as possible.
I pinched the corners of it in my fingers, lifting it up her back. She didn’t hesitate, picking up her arms so I could slide them back through the holes. I looked away until I heard her sink back down onto the mattress, not even wanting to get a glimpse of her side boob. Didn’t need that idea sticking around in my mind right now.
“It’s a Rottweiler!” she squealed, pointing at the TV. She gasped. “She’s pregnant! Oh my God!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her excitement. “You like dogs?” I asked.
“Yes. I like all animals. Dogs, cats, chickens, horses, you name it. I love them.”
“That’s cool,” I said. She was totally enthralled with this goofy vet show, and I was completely horrified by the marks on her back. It looked like someone threw her onto a pile of rocks and stomped all over her. Some were bruises, some were bleeding. She jumped a little every time I dabbed at her skin with the ointment, but by the way she was shouting at the TV, naming off animals and diagnosing them before the vets did, it seemed like she didn’t mind much. I was personally just trying to hold myself together.
“C
an we talk about this shit for a second?” I asked.
She looked back at me over her shoulder, scrunching her nose. “No,” she said, turning back to the television. Fifteen minutes of the TV time and I’d already created a monster.
“Did Jacob do this to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it tonight. Can you please just let me look at the puppies?”
“Yeah,” I said. I was pissed and frustrated, not at her, but at the situation as a whole. I wanted to know everything. I needed to know everything. If we were going to make this work, I needed her to trust me. Open up to me.
I flopped down next to her on the bed, trying to pretend like I was interested in whatever was going on on the TV. I couldn’t stop staring at her, though. The sun was rising, I could see it through the blinds, and I needed to get some sleep. I stood up and stretched my legs and walked over to the armchair.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I gotta get some sleep, babe. Long day tomorrow.”
“You can lie with me,” she said. “This bed is pretty big.” She tucked her arms back in her shirt and pulled it down. She slid all the way over to the one side of the queen-sized bed and folded down the covers. She was right. I could lay with her. I could do a lot of things with her, and none of them felt right. Neither did leaving her, though.
“I don’t sleep with my pants on,” I said. “Just so you know.”
God, I sounded like such a tool.
She just giggled, “I won’t peek.”
I turned the lights off and set my pistol on the nightstand and stepped out of my jeans. By now she was underneath the covers. Probably for the better.
“You want me to leave the TV on?” I asked, climbing in bed, keeping as close to the edge as I possibly could.
“Will this show be on ever again?” she asked.
“This show is probably on all the time, babe. Any time you turn on the TV.”
“Really?” Her excitement was adorable. Adorable but insane to me. All she’d been through, and here she was, happy as a clam, watching Animal Planet and bullshitting with me like this was normal. This was how things would be. Could it be that easy? Was she just putting on a front? I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing.
I felt her hand reach for mine, and she squeezed it tight.
“You’re a good man,” she said. “Thank you for humoring me, even if it’s just for tonight.”
Before I could get another word in, she was rolled over on her side, snoring away. It hurt my heart. She thought I was humoring her. She didn’t realize how serious I fucking was, hell, I didn’t realize how serious I fucking was. Tomorrow, I was going to make good on rule number two. Tomorrow, I was going to give Hannah the confidence she deserved.
Chapter Twenty
Hannah:
I slept like a rock in the giant bed. I couldn’t remember a time in my life where I’d ever been so comfortable before. This place was like nothing I’d ever imagined. Between the bathtub, the good food, and the TV shows I had no idea even existed, I felt like a kid in a candy store. Breaker sleeping in the bed next to me was an exciting addition to the equation. I could tell by the way he clung to the side of the bed he looked at my bruises, he was just being kind, but his kindness was enough to help me forget the terribleness of the night before.
I got out of the bed as softly as possible so as not to disturb him. The sun was shining through the window blinds, but the room was very dark. I went into the bathroom and started to fill the tub up with water again. I wished Tressica had left some of those magic bombs here for me, but warm running water was a luxury in itself. There was a bar of soap on the sink, and I brought it to my nose, savoring the aroma of lemon and mint. I didn’t know what today would bring. Any minute now, Jacob could come here looking for me, and who knows, maybe Breaker was tired of me already and would send me back. I would live it up to the best of my ability while I still had the chance.
I stripped out of my red shirt, looking at my back in the mirror. It didn’t look much better than it had yesterday, but it definitely felt a lot better. Whatever that medicine was seemed to work. I grabbed the soap and headed to the tub, sinking down into the warm water and trying not to moan. It felt so good. It was rare I got to take a hot bath back at the compound. Usually by the time it was my turn, the water was room temperature, and I would clean myself as quickly as possible and get out. I was beginning to think that was all part of the program. Misery lead to compliance. We were too stupid to realize the world could be a good and pleasurable place.
Most of us, at least. My sister was a different story, always sneaking out and partying, wearing make-up and who knows what else. She figured life out long before I had. I wondered what she was doing right now.
Everything was still so hazy. When was the last time I saw my sister?
I was making myself dizzy trying to put the pieces together. I could do that later. Right now, I just wanted to lather myself down with this amazing hunk of soap.
I could hear Breaker snoring from the bedroom. It wasn’t annoying or anything, almost comforting. As long as he made that sound, I knew he was nearby. I peeked out at him, and my eyes went wide the second I spotted the sheet. It looked like it was levitating a foot off the bed, right where his dick was, as he snored away. I had never seen anything like that before. Sure, I’d only seen one penis before in my life, but it wasn’t anything like that. I couldn’t help but stare. It made me feel weird inside. Warm. Excited. My nipples felt hard, and in between my legs started to throb. I giggled to myself. This must be what a sexual awakening feels like.
I ran my fingers up my legs, staring at him the entire time, licking my lips. I needed to be sneaky. He already thought I was a weirdo. If he caught me, I’d be so humiliated. Knowing him, he’d act like it wasn’t a big deal. He’d say something cool like, “it’s natural, babe. You’re alright,” even though he probably meant ‘how can I get away from this crazy woman?’
He had been sending me mixed signals all night long, touching me tenderly, kissing me on the head, caring for me, hugging me, but maybe that was just the way he was. I don’t think a man like him was afraid to make his move. A man like him would never want to be with a woman like me. It was fun to fantasize, though.
So I did. I sunk down to my shoulders in the bathwater, my eyes never leaving him, as I softly squeezed my breasts, I traced my hands down my stomach, licking my lips as I imagined him climbing on top of me, teasing between my thighs with his hard shaft. I bucked my hips against the heel of my hand until I got off, stifling my squeals, my heart racing so fast, I was afraid it might explode. I threw my head back and laughed. I was definitely turning into a heathen. I didn’t know what was more fun, the orgasm, or the thrill of possibly getting caught. Something about this house brought out a side of me I didn’t realize I had. I only hoped he could stop treating me so preciously and at least take me for one ride before he cut my loose into the wild.
I stepped out of the tub, wrapping myself in one of those big fluffy towels, and tiptoed into the bedroom to grab the bag of clothes Tressica had given me.
“Hannah,” he whispered, his voice deep and hoarse. “Shit, what time is it?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No,” he said, flicking on the lamp on the nightstand. “Come here.” He patted the bed next to him, and my heart started to sink. Was this the point where he would throw me out? Was this when he would tell me to get dressed and go back to where I came from?
I pulled the towel tight and sat down on the bed. He was so gorgeous, even with his hair a mess and his facial hair a little longer than stubbly. He sat up and reached for my hand, his thumb brushing circles in my palm.
“I don’t know how to say this,” he muttered.
“If you want me gone, just tell me, Alexander,” I said. “Don’t sugarcoat it. This has been really nice for me, but I understand you have a life to live, and maybe I don’t fit into that in any way.
”
“What? Babe, stop with that. Stop thinking about yourself like that.”
I shrugged and looked away.
“I care about you. I care about you in a way that I don’t even fucking understand. Ever since I met you you’ve been special to me. I never understood, til you disappeared for awhile, I missed you every fucking time I stopped by the bakery and you weren’t there. I thought you were married or some shit. Thought you were gone forever.”
I squeezed his hand tight. Knowing that somebody was thinking about me all those months I was locked away didn’t change the pain I went through, but it somehow made me feel better. He was always here waiting for me, even if I had no idea.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Hannah. All this stuff you’ve been through, all this stuff I have no idea about, I’m scared I’m not gonna make your life any better. I’m scared to touch you. I’m scared to kiss you, even though I want to so bad. I don’t want to break you.”
“That’s really not fair,” I said firmly. “I have been through things. Someday, when the time is right, I will tell you everything. If you care about me like you say you do, then you wouldn’t punish me for my past. I didn’t do any of those things. I didn’t choose to be born into the life I was born into.”
I stood up from the bed, pulling my hand away, but he squeezed my palm, not letting go. “I’m not blaming you,” he said.
“Then treat me normal. Treat me like a woman. I’m not a doll. I’m not a child.” I’d never felt so confident in my life. His inability to see past my upbringing frustrated me. Everything he was saying sounded like a bunch of excuses.
“When Rosey found you, you weren’t breathing,” he said. “You were basically dead.”
“Every minute I lived in that terrible place, I wished I was dead,” I hissed. “Do you know how many times I thought about ending my life? The only thing that gave me hope was getting out of there. Now I am, and I want to put that behind me. I want to live, Breaker. This is my second chance. If you can’t see past the bruises and the scars, if you can’t see past what you think you know about me, then just cut me loose. I’ll spend the rest of my life thankful for you, whether or not I’m with you.”