Blue

by Natasha Weber

Blue

  I sat down in my very comfortable chair that had animal skin draped over it. I sighed, exhausted for the day. I could never get enough sleep, and could only catch winks my whole life, which did nothing for the intolerable thudding in the back of my head. Only when I was alone could I tolerate such thudding, and then only barely. It made for a lonesome life, but I’d never been very social.

  It’d been a long day of tilling and farming, and I was beat. Even at a high altitude, I was sweating which only made my workload harder. It was night now, and I loved reading out in front of the stars, so after cooling off, I took a book with me and sat in a chair outside. For a moment, I did not read. I got stuck looking up at the starry night sky—so bottomless I thought I would fall in—I leaned forwards eagerly, my mind racing. Snatches of imagery and voices caught in my mind and hurt it. I gasped in pain, clutching my head. When I removed my hand, there was Blue on it. I breathed in and grabbed my book, willing myself to calm down. For many minutes, my heart rate slowed, my mind focused, and I was at peace.

  Music was a heavy theme in the book, and I and music did not mix. Not because I disliked it, but because of the snatches of memory that came with it. I caught a vision of a boy singing, shards of bloody glass…

  I stared into nothingness for a moment, and then put the book down and went back inside my house. Feeling depressed, I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it round me, just trying to feel warm even though it was technically hot.

  With Blue thudding at the back of my head the next morning—feeling angry and drained from a lack of sleep--I awoke in rage. I knocked over shelves, stepped on books, broke glasses, and screamed at the top of my lungs, just wondering why I was made to suffer so badly. When I had my fill, feeling wretched, I sunk to the floor and hugged my knees. Eventually, after focusing my mind on a riddle I liked to try and solve in my head, the thudding dimmed, and I got to my feet, tidying up my house. I sighed bitterly.

  Wanting to spend the day relaxing, I sat outside and closed my eyes, thinking up stories in my head to numb the thudding in my head. I nearly fell asleep again when suddenly, I heard someone say, “um… hello? Is your name Ezra?”

  I jumped to my feet in fright and backed away. It was a boy—fourteen it looked like—and he was freezing because he was stupid enough not to wear warm clothes. He had large pointed ears like my own, orange hair, and green eyes. He was a Yulyan like me.

  I got to my feet hurriedly and began running for my door.

  “Wait, please… I have nowhere to go!” He held up a staying hand, but I already opened my door and slammed it shut behind me.

  I didn’t know what someone would be doing at my house. I was breathing harshly, clasping my hands together, and hoping he would leave.

  I heard a knock on the door. I backed away further and sat on my bed, staring at the door. After the first knock, I held my breath, sweating. Hoping he would go away. And then he knocked again and it aggravated the pounding at the back of my head.

  I heard him sobbing bitterly. “Please help me! I have nowhere else to go… please… I’ll freeze to death.”

  I looked at my feet thoughtfully. He might die if I let him in, but he would definitely die if I didn’t. I walked up to the door and leaned my hands against it. Quietly I asked, “who are you?”

  “My name is Micah… I mean you no harm.” Realizing I was not good with people, he lowered his voice.

  I lowered my eyes, and closed them slowly. “You realize the reason I have locked myself away up here is because I am not—fit—to be among other people?”

  He was silent, and then he said, “I have heard rumors… but I am out of options.”

  “Are the rumors also how you know my name?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “What are you running from? You can’t expect me to harbor just anyone.”

  “It’s my parents…. I’m afraid of them. At any rate, I won’t leave. You can either let me in or let me freeze to death.”

  I was wrestling with my conscientious and the need to absolve myself of any guilt if something became the boy while he was here. I breathed in and opened the door.

  Micah smiled at me. “Thanks…”

  “Why here?” I asked snippily.

  “Well… nobody would dare follow me up here. Word has it that you’re a murdering crazy person.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t believe it?”

  He plopped down in a chair in front of my writing desk--which ticked me off--and crossed his legs. “They would have thrown you in prison by now if it were,”

  I stared at him for a moment silently, blood boiling. “Get out of my chair,” I said ominously.

  Something told him I wasn’t kidding around, and he immediately jumped out of the chair. He looked at me for a moment and then averted his gaze. Evidently, I had a very frightening look my face. “You may have the bed,” I said quietly.

  I wanted to sit quietly and think about a story that was going through my mind. I opened the book I was writing and mulled it over. My new friend, however, wanted to know everything about me. “Hey… you seem really familiar for some reason... Do I know you?”

  I ignored him and kept thinking.

  “I mean…” He went on. “If only in your mannerisms…”

  I clenched my teeth.

  “What are you writing? Can I see!” He got up and looked over my shoulder.

  I shut the binding on the book and got up, raising my hand--Micah held up his own hands defensively—I breathed in and lowered it.

  His jaw nearly dropped at what he saw. “Blue?” He murmured quietly.

  I turned away—all I could hear was Blue in my head!—I opened the door and sat down in my chair outside.

  I heard the door swing open, and Micah shuffled up and stood behind me, unassuming. “I’m sorry… I’ll be quiet.”

  I glanced behind me. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. You stay inside—you look like you’re freezing. I’ll be back later tonight,”

  I put up my hood and drew my large coat closely about myself as I trudged down the mountain. I’d lived among the humans below my whole life before I moved up into the mountains, and I had never met another Yulyan before. The humans were a fair enough folk, but of course it was me that was the problem. My adoptive parents died when I was young, and I never knew my real ones. I knew, with Blue in my head and pouring from my skin, that I could not live among any other people. My parents were kind, and they understood, but anyone else…

  I closed my eyes, I found putting my hood up and hiding my face… it sometimes helped quell my rage.

  My decision to let the boy Micah stay with me already was aggravating Blue. Why I made that decision, I did not know. What did I care about this boy I did not know? He was probably only bluffing about staying outside all night, and exaggerating when it came to whatever his parents were doing to him. But something told me…

  That tune that always haunted me popped into my mind. I caught a flash of an adorable young yulyan girl who I seemed to have fond feelings of. Blue got louder and louder until finally I sank to my knees, crying blankly in pain. After a moment it subsided.

  I sat there for a moment, and then rose to my feet. That settled it. I would ask Micah to leave tomorrow morning. I dashed down the rest of the mountain.

  I needed more food anyway, so it was a good time to get away. I went strolled down a bustling crowd; all gathered at the vendors. I had a craving for vegetables, which was good because no one was gathered around that stall. I smiled briefly. My friend James used to run that stall. He was one of the few people who understood what it was like to be me. It was when I thought of things like that that I truly felt the loneliness sink in, and I just felt sick at heart. As I walked up to the merchan
t, he looked up at me with recognition in his eyes. “Ezra? I haven’t seen you in so long…”

  “James? I thought I’d never see you again.” I could hardly believe my eyes. My very good friend; I smiled excitedly, overwhelmed with joy. But my smile slowly faded as saw the scar I gave him on his arm. I was still ashamed.

  He smiled. “Why are you hiding in that hood Ezra?”

  “You know why…” I said miserably.

  James handed the vegetables to me. “You don’t have to go it alone, Ezra. You know if you need help, I’ll be here. I’ve settled here,”

  I looked at the scar on his arm. I looked to the side silently.

  James caught where I was looking. “It’s okay. It was my fault. I’ve put it behind me and so should you. So, how about later tonight you meet me at the inn? I can bring my wife and children.”

  For a moment I paused. I did miss company sometimes. But I knew I couldn’t risk hurting him. “Thank you James, but I must decline.”

  James held up a staying hand, but I was already heading home.

  As I travelled back up the mountain, my mind kept turning to the boy in my imagination with the blood on his hands. I didn’t know why I conjured these fake memories in my mind; all I knew was that I was sick of them. It was always of the same people, these waking nightmares. There was the adorable Yulyan girl with silver hair who I saw with a rather tall, dark-haired Yulyan male. He lifted her up in his arms often and kissed