by LK Chapman
Sitting down on the sofa, she pulled Josh’s laptop onto her lap and opened it. Then, after spending a minute or so trying desperately to make sense of what she was seeing on the screen, she pushed it away from her with a cry.
37
‘So, I was thinking,’ Josh said, as soon as he got in, ‘I know I’ve been a nightmare recently, but you and Gareth have really helped me see sense. Maybe I could take some days off work and we can spend some time together? We could sort out some wedding stuff if you want, or maybe go away for a night or two. I want to spoil you after what an idiot I’ve been. What do you…’
His words trailed off when he saw her face, and she turned away from him, staring at his laptop screen. She had to be misunderstanding this. It couldn’t be what she thought it was.
‘How … how did it go today?’ he asked uncertainly. ‘Did you get up to anything much? I know you weren’t really looking forward to being at home–’
Natalie’s eyes rested on the screen again. Josh. Josh had been the one trolling her? It couldn’t be true. But right here before her eyes was an account logged in under the name of her lead attacker. Josh had been using the laptop last night; he’d clearly forgotten to close the page before he went to bed.
‘Natalie?’ he said, making his way across the room towards her. ‘You’re scaring me. What’s wrong? What’s happened?’
‘You tell me!’ she said, thrusting the laptop towards him. He took it from her and his eyes searched the screen frantically. He genuinely didn’t seem to understand to begin with, but then horror spread across his face. He looked at her helplessly. ‘This wasn’t … Nat, you don’t think this was me, do you? I’ve got nothing to do with this account, I’ve never seen this before–’
‘Then why is it on your laptop?’ she exploded. ‘No one else uses this, apart from me!’
Josh shook his head, panic filling his eyes. ‘Natalie, I swear … I swear on my life, I have nothing to do with this! Someone else must have done it…’
As pain began to bloom inside her at his betrayal, the realisation hit her like a bus. Of course Josh hadn’t done it! It was obvious from his face that he hadn’t, and no matter the low opinion he had of himself, she knew him better than that. It was a trick. A horrible, twisted trick.
‘Natalie,’ Josh said, reaching out to her desperately, ‘you know me. I’m disgusted by what’s been said to you! You know how beautiful I think you are, I’d never say anything bad about your scars, and as for the accusations, I’d hardly make them about myself…’ He trailed off, his eyes wide and pleading, willing her to believe him.
She tried to block out his voice. Think. Toby had been left alone in the flat for who knew how long that afternoon. She’d fallen asleep before hearing him leave, so he’d had ample time to frame Josh. After all, there had been no need for him to offer her the job in person – it had felt odd at the time that he’d gone out of his way to come round.
‘Natalie?’ Josh said. ‘Talk to me. Please–’
‘I need to get some air,’ she said.
Josh didn’t try to stop her leaving, though the look in his eyes wrenched her heart. But she didn’t want to say anything. Not yet. She couldn’t inflame the situation between him and Toby – Josh would go mad if he knew Toby was behind it and would probably go to confront him, and she needed the job at the hotel. She couldn’t sit at home twiddling her thumbs like she had to after the car crash. She couldn’t go back to that.
Outside in the cool night air, she took a few deep breaths. There has to be a way to sort this out. Why had she shown the laptop to Josh? Why had she doubted him for even a second? The best way to solve Toby’s sick games would be for her to pretend she’d never seen what he’d done. To ignore his stupid provocation.
She turned as the door opened behind her, and Josh spilled out onto the street. His demeanour had worsened significantly during the five minutes she’d been standing outside, and now he looked distraught, almost as though he was in physical pain. Had the brave face he’d put on when he got home from work all been a facade? Had he really still been crumbling inside as he suggested they spend time together? It tore her heart to see him this way.
‘Maybe it was me,’ he said. ‘It could have been me.’
‘Josh–’
‘I was on the laptop last night, I thought … I thought I was just–’
‘Stop,’ she said, tears springing to her eyes at how much he doubted himself. ‘Stop it, please–’
‘I still have nightmares about Mikayla,’ he said. ‘I thought I was starting to get over it. But they’re not nightmares. They’re memories, just like I told you and Gareth. I killed her, Natalie. I know – I know I did. I must have killed her, and it must have been me who did all of this to you. It was my conscience trying to get me to remember – that’s why the comments were all accusing me!’ He reached out towards her. ‘It all makes sense. Everyone could see it apart from me. Everyone suspected me back then, and they were right to!’
‘No, they didn’t,’ she said. ‘Hardly anyone suspected you.’
‘Why are you being kind to me? You saw what I did! I don’t deserve anything from you. I–’ He paused, building himself up to say it, ‘I’m going to turn myself in,’ he said. ‘I should have done it a long time ago. That’s why my life has never gone right. I’ve just been living on borrowed time.’ His voice was speeding up as his thoughts ran away with him. ‘You can’t live properly when you’ve killed someone. How could you? There comes a point when you have to wake up and accept what everyone around you is saying.’
38
‘Natalie! What on earth…?’
Natalie struggled to find the right words as she stood, shaking with emotion, on Verity’s doorstep. Verity’s eyes were huge with concern as she took in her distraught and dishevelled state.
When Natalie made no reply, Verity stood aside to let her in, deftly moving a few stray shoes and a schoolbag out of the way before Natalie could trip over them. It was quiet inside the house, and Verity was wearing pyjama bottoms and a long grey jumper, her glossy chestnut curls hanging loose over her shoulders. ‘Rob’s out with some friends and the girls are in bed,’ she said. ‘I’ll make you some tea … or do you need something stronger? You’re as white as a sheet.’
‘Just tea,’ Natalie said, ‘I need to keep my head clear. I need to think.’
She sat down gratefully at the large table in the kitchen, while Verity bustled around before placing two mugs and a plate of biscuits down on the table. For a brief, surreal moment it was as if nothing had happened and she’d just popped round for a chat, but then the mess she and Josh were in hit her like a thunderbolt.
‘Right,’ Verity said as she sat down, ‘what exactly has been going on?’
‘I – to be honest I barely know myself.’
‘Is it Josh? Did you have an argument?’
Natalie put her head in her hands. She’d managed to persuade Josh not to march straight down to the police station and hand himself in, and she’d grabbed a few things and got in her car to flee to Verity’s with barely another word to him. If she’d stayed, she wouldn’t have been able to stop herself blurting out that it was Toby, and all hell would have broken loose. But all hell has broken loose already. Josh is completely crushed. Will he even listen to me about not turning himself in? If he goes and confesses, who knows what will happen.
‘I need to make a phone call,’ she said. ‘Can you just give me a second?’
Verity nodded, and Natalie slipped into the living room and closed the door behind her. Josh had stood helplessly as she’d gone back inside the flat and stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a bag. At one point he’d offered to help her. He said it was the least he could do after how he’d treated her. A tear slid down her cheek. She’d just ignored him. She hadn’t been able to trust herself to speak.
Wiping away her tears, she decided against calling Josh, which had been her first instinct. Instead she called Gareth. Josh needed someone
with him, but it couldn’t be her right now.
Once she’d finished her call there was a soft knock on the door, and Verity came inside and placed the tea and biscuits down on the coffee table.
‘Natalie?’ Verity said gently, ‘please talk to me.’
Natalie tried to fight her tears, but she couldn’t and Verity put her arms around her. The conversation with Gareth had been dreadful. He’d accused her of giving up on Josh and leaving him when he needed her most. And he’s right. But she couldn’t tell Gareth why she’d done it. She couldn’t tell anyone her suspicions about Toby, not yet. She had to let Gareth believe she’d just walked out on Josh, and she’d taken all the criticism Gareth had thrown at her. At least it showed he cared about Josh – if anyone could get through to him tonight, Gareth could.
‘Natalie, you don’t have to tell me what’s happened,’ Verity said, ‘but it might help if you can talk about it?’
Natalie pulled away from her. All she wanted was to be alone. She mumbled some excuse and ran out of the house again, grabbing her coat on the way. The blast of cold air outside cleared her head a little, and she pulled her coat tightly around her before setting off down the street towards town. Toby had ample time in her flat to frame Josh. That was a fact. But why? Did he hate his stepbrother so much that he got satisfaction from hurting him any way he could?
Gareth’s words came back to her about Toby and Mikayla breaking up at the lake.
Mikayla told him she didn’t want to be with him any more.
Could it be possible? Could Toby really have killed her? She jumped as a burst of laughter erupted from around the corner – a drunk couple emerged from the pub, staggering across the road. She was almost in town now, and without thinking she made her way down towards the river.
So, she said to herself, trying to be as clear-headed as she could, let’s suppose, just for a moment, that Toby had killed Mikayla. If so, why draw attention to her death again? Even if his posts were accusing Josh, surely he’d rather no one was thinking about Mikayla at all, especially as the whole thing was over anyway and nobody was still investigating.
But who knows, maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe someone was trying to get the case reopened. Maybe someone knew something she and Josh didn’t, and Toby really did have good reason to try and turn the spotlight on Josh and away from himself. After all, it was Toby who had started the rumours that had circulated straight after her death, so he had form when it came to this sort of thing.
Natalie stopped dead when she saw it. Lit up by the yellow glow of streetlights was the bench where Josh had proposed to her. That summer night had been so beautiful, the river twinkling, the light breeze playing with her hair as she’d sat beside him. He’d told her that night about his insecurities, and about how he’d tried to take his life. They’d been so honest with each other. It had felt like together they could do anything. Now that was all in tatters.
She sat down heavily on the bench. She could almost see him there, kneeling in front of her. At that moment she missed him so much that it was a deep, crushing ache. She couldn’t let him believe it was over between them! She couldn’t let him blame himself. He was the victim of a cruel game Toby was playing, and she refused to let Toby win. She’d do anything for Josh – anything to get back the Josh she’d fallen in love with. The man she knew he was really, underneath this pain and the sick games Toby was playing with his head.
Toby has offered me a job at Hartbury Hotel. She stared out across the water as a plan began to form. It would be hard, dangerous even, but if she got close to Toby, perhaps she could end this whole thing. If she could prove he killed Mikayla, or at least that he was responsible for the trolling, Josh’s name would be cleared once and for all.
It’s crazy. You’re not thinking straight.
But what if it was the only way? Josh was sure to turn himself in sooner or later, even if Gareth put him off for a day or two. He’d gone too far down the path of doubt for anyone to get through to him unless there was solid, irrefutable proof that he was not to blame. And she was in the perfect position to get it.
39
Verity was silent for a few seconds, her face frozen in shock. ‘Nat, I … God, I don’t even know what to say.’
‘You warned me there was something off about him.’
‘I–’ Verity shook her head. ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that. How I behaved, ambushing you with those accusations about Josh the way I did, it wasn’t right.’
‘But now Josh has shown his true colours.’ Natalie winced inside as she said the words. She had returned eventually from her walk to talk to Verity, but if her plan to incriminate Toby was to work, she’d have to let everyone think she and Josh were over. Worse than that, she had to let everyone think Josh was her troll. If she confessed her plan, Verity would either think she’d got the whole thing wrong, or she’d be scared for her safety and try to talk her out of it.
‘I wish I was wrong about Josh,’ Verity said. ‘I’d never want any of this to happen. Are you completely sure it was him who said all these things?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then … then it’s over?’
‘Yes.’ Natalie tried to separate herself emotionally from her words. She was playing a part now, and she had to do it well. If anyone realised she didn’t really think Josh was her troll, it could put everything in jeopardy. Toby had to trust her.
Verity was silent for a while, as Natalie sat drinking her fresh cup of tea mechanically, without really tasting it. Verity watched her with concern. ‘I can’t believe how things have ended up for you, Nat. And your job – I’d give you your old job back if I could–’
‘I’ll be starting my new job soon. I was offered the position formally today and I’m going to accept.’
‘That’s something then. What will you be doing?’
Natalie hesitated. She didn’t want to talk about it yet, but she couldn’t really keep it a secret – not when she would be staying with Verity and Rob. ‘Events manager at Hartbury Hotel.’
Verity’s eyebrows rose. ‘The hotel where Josh’s stepbrother is the general manager?’
‘Yes.’
‘Natalie, that’s a bad idea–’
‘It’s a good job. I’m not throwing away an opportunity like that. The only person I would hurt is myself.’
Verity was silent for a while. ‘But you have your compensation money from the accident to fall back on, and the rent coming in from your flat. You don’t need to start working straight away.’
‘I do. I need something to occupy my time more than ever now. And I’ll have to move back to my flat, I guess, once my tenants have moved on.’
‘Well, you can stay here, obviously, until you get yourself sorted,’ Verity said. ‘Unless you’d rather go to your mum and dad’s?’
‘Thank you,’ Natalie said, her voice sounding strange and emotionless, like something completely disconnected from her. Discussing all these arrangements with Verity was exhausting. Especially as she had no intention of moving back to her flat. Hopefully her plan with Toby wouldn’t take as long as that. ‘I’d like to stay here for a bit,’ she told Verity.
‘I can’t believe what Josh has done,’ Verity said. ‘How could he? And why? Why would he treat you like that? It … it’s sick. I’ve got a good mind to go round there and give him a slap!’ Spots of colour appeared on her cheeks.
Natalie’s stomach tightened. I have to play along. ‘I guess I didn’t really know him. And he does have issues. He went through quite a bit when he was younger. You tried to warn me.’
‘Well, there’s no excuse,’ Verity said. ‘You’re better off without him.’
***
After pulling the hair brush through her curls one last time, Natalie climbed into bed. The spare room was a bit snug, but it was calming with walls of palest grey and crisp white bedding. Verity had lent her a hair brush and a set of pyjamas, which Natalie had forgotten to pack in her haste earlier. They’d talked on and off
through the rest of the evening, and Josh had tried to call a couple of times but she hadn’t answered.
Now she picked up her phone, and read through some of the comments again. Toby. It was sick, what he’d tried to do by framing Josh. He was a sick, sick man. And I’ve got to get him to trust me. She shivered. Could she really do it? She had to. She’d survived the car crash when all the odds were against her. She’d built a completely new life for herself. Toby was a weak, vain man. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to get him to believe she genuinely wanted to get to know him.
She checked the time. It was late, but not too late. Could she call Toby now to accept the job? She wanted to do it, to get it out of the way. Otherwise by the morning she might have changed her mind.
40
At the soft knock on her door the next morning, Natalie quickly finished pulling on her jeans and jumper and opened it to find Rob outside, concern etched into his face. She’d heard him come in the night before and the murmur of him and Verity talking, but she’d stayed in her room. Verity would no doubt tell him exactly what had happened.
‘Natalie,’ he said, ‘how are you?’
‘Not great.’
‘I … I don’t even know what to say.’
He followed her into the spare room and they sat side by side on her bed. It would have been reassuring to confess everything to him – he always made her feel safe when they were kids, even if he’d also sometimes been incredibly annoying – but Verity was bound to have told him about her new job and he would almost certainly try to talk her out of it.
‘It doesn’t really cover it to say I’m sorry about what’s happened,’ he told her. ‘When me and Verity warned you about him, I was concerned, but I’m not sure I ever really believed he would do this.’
Natalie stared down at the silvery grey carpet between her feet. Would Rob see right through her? I need to get used to deceiving people. I have to deceive Toby, and the stakes couldn’t be higher.