A Life in Darkness

by Heinreich T. Sioson

  Fiona responded, “Amen.” I followed suit.

  We didn’t do much talking while we ate - except Kari, who was abound with energy asking many questions about who I was and where I came from, only to put on a sad face whenever her mother reprimanded her for letting her food go cold. I smiled here and there, deflecting each question with artless ease. That was part of the training to become a Shifter, to be able to misdirect with words in order to hide one’s identity and intent. I received this training from Bol Piles, one of the most respected and gifted Shifters we ever had. Good Ol’ Bol. I miss him.

  After dinner was over I helped Fiona clean the dishes. The sink in the bunker was utilitarian at best: small, had a weak water flow and could only dispense cold water. I asked Fiona where the water was sourced from and she told me the bunker was tapped into an underground reservoir built decades ago.

  “Since there are only the two of us, we have yet to run out of water. But we still don’t let any go to waste,” said Fiona. “The bunker also has a recycling system tied to the waste system; in an emergency we could tap into that as well.” I nodded my understanding. We finished washing the dishes and wiped down the bowls with cloths. While we did this Kari had gone back to her room and grabbed both teddy bears and started playing with them at the table. She was pretending they were siblings and she was their mother.

  Cleaning off the last bowl Fiona said, “So will you tell me what’s going on? Who…?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Okay. I’ll tell Kari to go get ready for bed.” She was about to walk to the table but I stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist. She looked up at me.

  “Actually, she needs to hear what I have to say. She’s the reason I’m here.”

  She said nothing for a moment, her dark eyes peering into mine trying to find something nefarious there. Seeing nothing to be worried about she nodded. We walked over to the table and sat down, opposite from one another.

  “Sweetheart,” said Fiona. “The three of us are going to have a talk now, okay?”

  Stopping her make-believe session of house she looked at us both, paused, and laid the bears on the table. They both gave me a look of expectation that was both mix of concern and curiosity. I took a breath and began.

  ********

  “I have to ask you a question first, Kari,” I said, looking straight at her.

  She leaned forward a bit.

  “What have you been dreaming about lately?” In the corner of my eye I saw Fiona’s mouth open as her breath caught in her throat. Kari’s eyes widened to the size of large coins but she didn’t say anything. She looked over at her mom but my eyes stayed on her.

  Regaining her composure Fiona said, “It’s okay, you can tell him.”

  Kari looked back at me and said, “Um, I don’t dream about it every night but…” She hesitated and then stopped. Within her words I sensed a hesitation to say anything because she didn’t wish to sound foolish. But I knew what she wanted to say.

  I smiled a reassuring smile and answered for her. “You’ve been dreaming of a world with pink oceans.”

  This time Fiona gasped. Kari nodded.

  I continued, “But that’s not all. You’ve been dreaming of a world where there are no oceans at all, just fields of endless green.”

  By this time Kari had grabbed both her teddy bears and hugged them to her chest. Fiona, without anything to grab, simply put her hands over her mouth to stifle another gasp. I looked at the both of them and spoke.

  “I’ve dreamt the same dreams, and I’ve seen those same worlds. In your dreams Kari, you’re gliding over the surface of the world as if you were a bird, flying care-free sometimes even dipping low to the ground.”

  Kari nodded. She asked, “Are they real places?”

  “Yes, they are.”

  Forgetting her shock Fiona asked, “How is this possible?”

  “It’s because your daughter is special, Fiona. She’s like me, she’s a psychic.”

  Seeing the puzzled look on their faces I knew this was a concept that didn’t exist in their world. Many worlds had no concept of or terms for extra-sensory abilities, but individuals who had these abilities did exist in many of them, whether people realized it or not.

  “Kari, may I borrow the teddy bear I gave you?”

  She looked at the bear she was holding and then handed it to me.

  “Thank you,” I said, taking the bear from her small hand. Being careful, like I was holding a porcelain doll, I laid it on its back with the legs straight and the arms on its sides. I looked at them both. “Now, watch.” They leaned forward and I saw expectation in their eyes. I began by concentrating on the bear.

  Letting telekinesis seep through my mind and around the bear like tendrils I made its right arm twitch. Both mother and daughter noticed movement and leaned back a bit, unsure if they had seen what they thought they saw. This time I made the right arm shoot up into air like it was reaching for the sky. Fiona jerked back hard and yelped. Kari just sat there, her eyes bigger now than I’d ever seen them. I let the arm fall back to the table as I made the bear sit up. I heard Fiona gasp and her chair tumble backwards as she stood up. Fiona was still staring at the bear. I looked up at Fiona who was covering her mouth with both hands.

  “It’s all right,” I said. I turned back to the bear as it stood up and began walking towards Kari. I smiled as she started giggling. When the bear reached the end of the table its arms rose, beckoning the little girl staring at it with wonder to hug it. My smile widened into a grin when she obliged it with her free arm; her other arm was still holding the battered gray bear. I released the telekinetic control I had on the bear and it became still.

  Feeling the bear go lifeless Kari looked at it for a moment and then at me. “Did you use magic?” she asked.

  “No,“ I said. “It’s called telekinesis.”

  “Teleki…” She tried repeated the word but stumbled at the foreignness of it.

  “Telekinesis,” I repeated. “It means I can move objects with my mind. You’ll be able to do it too. In time.”

  Fiona spoke at last. “She will?”

  I turned to her and nodded. “That’s what the dreams mean. She’s a latent psychic, her abilities are locked away and unusable until she has been trained to access them. One day she will, and she‘ll be able to move objects without ever having to touch them like I can. She’ll be able to do that, and more.”

  “Is that why you came here? To find her?”

  Again I nodded in confirmation. “I’ve been tasked to bring both you and her back to the Central Hub of World Shifters. Central, as it’s also known, is where I’m from.” I didn’t say anything else and allowed them to soak in what they had just heard. I was counting on three things to convince themselves I was telling the truth: the demonstration of my powers, the mention of Kari’s dreams, and their current situation. They were living on borrowed time and Fiona knew it.

  I sat back in my chair and let them take their time. I didn’t bother reading their minds, mostly because I expected Fiona to see reason. On the off chance she didn’t and refused to come with me or at least let Kari go I wouldn’t force it either. When assigned to bring potential Shifters to Central we weren’t allowed to control a person’s mind or compel them to join us. This rule, like so many others, was inviolate. I sensed their minds working frantically with that they had just witnessed and what I had said. Kari was confused, but her child’s mind contemplated the wondrous possibilities of what she could do with her powers if she was given the chance to use them. I’ve always found it curious yet unsurprising how children are better able to cope with the unbelievable better than adults. Fiona was hesitant; she wasn’t prepared for any of this and despite it being the only possible way of escaping the dire circumstances they were in, she was unable to openly commit to leaving.

  I retreated from their minds as I looked away. Memories of my old life began to fill my thoughts.

  ********

  After
agreeing to go with Bol Piles I remember him pausing to look down briefly, and then looking back up at me. He smiled and was happy I had agreed to go with him, but I saw something else in his eyes. Remembering it now, I think it was regret. Maybe even remorse. He explained we had to leave as soon as possible and I had one week to say goodbye to my friends and family. On the last day we would then depart.

  I took my parents out to dinner the day after at our favorite steakhouse, the one that advertised if you could eat the expensive four-pound steak in an hour you didn’t have to pay for it. My parents cheered me on as I attempted it and almost right on the hour mark I swallowed the last piece of meat cooked medium rare. My parents took pictures and hugged and kissed me, even a few people sitting nearby shook my hand and patted me on the back. The owner and head chef came out to congratulate me and hand me a commemorative T-shirt. I smiled and took it all in as good a stride as I could muster. Leaving the restaurant I wondered if I would ever find a better steak. I never did.

  I bid my parents a goodnight when I dropped them off at their house. After walking them to the door and I hugged them real tight. I shook my dad’s hand and kissed my mom. Before I could turn around my mom took my hand, looked me straight in the eye and asked, “What’s wrong, son?” I admit, a part of me wanted to tell them, but I couldn’t. I smiled, kissed her again, and walked back to my car and stepped in. I waved one final goodbye to them as they shut the door behind them.

  From behind the glass where no one could hear my shaky voice, I said, “I love you both.”

  The rest of the week was spent hanging out with childhood friends and college buddies. In those few days I must’ve drank more than all the other times in my life combined. Each day was spent with one or two or even three friends but never more than that. However, on the Friday before I was set to leave – on Sunday I was to meet Bol in the rear of the student center where we first met – I invited absolutely everyone that mattered, even a few I didn’t particularly like. I mean, why the hell not? They weren’t going to remember me anyway.

  I even made sure to invite her.

  She said she’d stop by. I remember hearing that and thinking, it’d be the last time I’d ever see her again. It’d be for the best. She was with someone, and I couldn’t get in the way of that. I just didn’t have it in me to do that.

  At least, that’s what I always tell myself.

  But in the end, she never did make it out that night. As the Friday went on and on the dozen texts I sent and even the few voicemails I left on her phone went unanswered. One of the last things I remembered about that night was my best friend and another buddy under each of my arms as they carried me outside. They eventually drove me back to my apartment. I didn’t get sick that night, but the next morning, oh boy. After several fits that involved me taking a closer look at my toilet than normal I at last lay down on my bed and stayed there for what felt like hours just staring up at the ceiling. When the room finally stopped spinning I reached over for my phone and saw it was two in the afternoon. I got a few texts and missed calls, but none of them were from her. She never even texted me or called me back, and she always did. I scrolled through the missed texts and missed calls several times over. Nothing. At last, I slid my phone onto the floor and pulled my body closer in to myself.

  The rest of the day was spent organizing my stuff for the Scouters to sort out later. Most would be disposed of but others would be parsed out to friends and family. While I was cleaning I thought about leaving letters to the people closest to me, but Bol said those letters would be found out and destroyed by the Scouters anyway so I didn’t. Every now and then I’d look over at my phone, hoping for it to ring. It never did.

  On Sunday I got up bright and early and walked to the nearest corner store and bought a cup of coffee. It would be the first coffee I ever bought for myself. I put some skim milk and two sugars into the cup; my best friend usually took it this way so I thought I’d try it. I walked outside and stared at my apartment building. It was an old brownstone but it was still in good shape. I smiled. I had a lot of fun times there. I let my coffee cool until I was able to take a sip. When I did I cringed. How could anyone like this stuff? I chanced another sip and reacted the same way. Enough, I thought, and threw the mostly full cup into a nearby trash can. I looked at my watch and saw it was ten in the morning. I hopped on a train to my college where I was supposed to meet Bol in an hour.

  I got there with thirty minutes to spare, a rare thing. I could’ve toured the school and walked around the campus some more but I didn’t need to. However, I did walk to a certain dorm close to the river but I didn’t go inside the building. Instead, I walked to the back where they had a small outdoor area with tables and benches, surrounded by plants overlooking the river. I sat on a certain bench and stared at the water as it flowed by. I took my left hand and gently laid my palm on it and left it there. And I sat there, looking at the river pass me by.

  I was behind the student lounge five minutes before the appointed time. I leaned against one of the lampposts, my foot tapping to a rhythm only I could hear. I was impatient to leave. But… There was a part of me that said, you don’t have to go through with this. You can leave if you want to. I shook my head, dismissing the thought as fast as it came to me.

  “Hey,” said a voice.

  I cursed as I jumped off the lamppost, surprised at Bol’s sudden appearance.

  Bol smiled his child-like smile. “Sorry about that.”

  I took a deep breath to say something but couldn’t.

  He craned his head closer to look at my face and said, “Hey, are you all right?”

  At last I said, “Yeah.”

  Bol nodded. “Okay.”

  We stood there in silence for a time. Bol stared at me while I looked past him, into a life I’d never be a part of.

  “You ready to go?”

  I nodded.

  “Well all right then!” His cheery voice made me jump again as he clapped his hands once and pulled out a small tablet from his jacket’s inner pocket. It didn’t look like any device I’ve ever seen. He held it and touched the screen several times and was about to touch it one final time before he paused to turn his head to check the area. We were alone.

  “Okay, here we go.” He touched the screen one last time and when he did, I felt as much as I heard the swirling of air, space, and energy into a single point of blue which expanded exponentially in a matter of seconds. What I saw looked like a piece of the ocean suspended in the air in front of us, shimmering a lovely bright blue with uncountable waves reverberating throughout the portal. The gate was large enough to allow three grown men to enter it. It was a wondrous thing to see, one I’d see many times in the years to come and something I’d never get tired of seeing. I was mesmerized by the beauty and intensity of it all. This was a doorway to other worlds and other lives and other versions of other lives. I couldn’t wait to see them all…

  From behind me I heard Bol say, “Hop in and I’ll follow right after you.” I nodded still staring at the portal. I took a step forward but stopped just short of touching it.

  Bol walked up behind me and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  I looked down and reached into my pants pocket and pulled out my phone. The screen had gone dark due to the battery saver feature until I touched the screen, bringing it back to life. I turned to Bol and asked, “Can you give me a second?”

  He glanced at the phone and said, “You know you can’t bring that with you.”

  “I know. I just need a second.”

  He saw something in my eyes then, because all he said was, “Sure.”

  I accessed the text message option. The “To:” box appeared and I typed the first three letters of her name and the autocorrect feature filled in the rest. I confirmed her name and began typing a message. It was nine words, and a period at the end. My thumb hovered over the “Send” button but I couldn’t press it. I should’ve been able to but I just couldn’t bare it. I let my arm drop to my side
with the phone still in my hand. I was a coward.

  With a kind hand, Bol reached over and took the phone from me and looked at the message I had written. “What does it mean?” he asked.

  “Goodbye,” I said. My voice was hoarse.

  He nodded. “I understand.”

  I didn’t chance saying anything else and just stared at the portal.

  Bol put a gentle hand on my shoulder and said, “C’mon, we have to go.”

  I didn’t respond. All I was able to do was take a step towards the portal. When Bol didn’t make a move I stopped to look at him.

  He paused, took another look at the unsent message, and then looked back at me. “I’ll hop in right after you.”

  I took one final look at my phone, and the world I was leaving behind, and then let the shimmering blue light engulf me.

  Part III

  “We’ll do it.”

  The sudden break in the silence pulled me from memories of an old life and I turned to Fiona with a blank look.

  “I said we’ll do it. We’ll go with you.”

  “Are you sure?” I looked at Fiona and she bobbed her head in a resolute manner. I turned to Kari and asked her the same question. While her answer was not nearly as confident and she looked to her mother for permission, she also nodded.

  I breathed so heavy a sigh I expelled almost all the oxygen from my lungs. After all I’d been through, I was grateful for something to go right. I sat back in my chair and rocked back but didn’t topple over.

  “Are you okay?” asked Fiona.

  “Yeah,” I said. “It hasn’t been an easy day.” I looked at the two of them and winced, suddenly remembering how much easier I had it when compared to what they’d lived through. I said as much as I apologized but Fiona shook her head.

  “It’s all right. I understand.”

  I tipped my head in a gesture of appreciation.

  “So what happens now?” asked Fiona.

  “You can bring a few mementos and some clothes but that’s it; we’ll supply you with everything you’ll need. I recommend you pack light so we can move quickly through the streets and not encounter any of those things.” Fiona nodded.